Helena weekly herald. [volume], January 04, 1877, Image 1

About Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900

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Volume xi.
Helena, Montana, Thursday, January 4, 1877.
No.
7
THE WEEKLY HERALD
PUBLISHED EVERT THURSDAY MORNING.
FISK BEOS.,
- Publishers.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION,
terms for the daily herald.
C v s:;bscril>rrs (delivered by carrier) per month, $3 00
BY MAIL.
< »ne copy one month.......................... 3 00
One copy three months ........................ 6 00
One copy six months........................... 12 00
< me copy one year.............................. 22 00
TERMS FOR THE WEEKLY HERALD.
one year ........................................$6 00
Sj \ months...................................... 3 80
Three months................................... 2 50
AN OLD CASTLE.
I.
The gray arch crumbles,
And totters and tumbles;
The hat has built in the banquet hall,
In the donjon-keep
Sly mosses creep ;
The ivy lias scaled the southern wall.
No man-at-arms
Sounds quick alarms
Atop of the cracked martello tower;
The drawbridge chain
Is broken in twain;
The bridge will neither rise nor lower.
Not any manner
< >f broldered banner
Flaunts at a blazoned herald's call.
Lilies float
In the stagnant moat,
And fair they are, and tall.
II.
Here in the old
Forgotten springs
Was wassail held by queens and kings.
Here at the board
•Sat clown ami lord.
.Maiden fair and lover bold,
Huron fat and minstrel lean.
The prince with his stars.
The knight with his scars.
The priest in his gabardine.
III.
Where is she
Of the fleur-de-lis,
And that true knight who wore her gages ?
Where arc the glances
That, bred wild fancies
In curly heads of my lady's pages?
Where are those
Who, in steel or hose,
Held revel here and made them gay ?
Where is the laughter
That shook the rafter—
Where is the rafter, by the way ?
Gone is the roof,
And perched aloof
Is an owl, like a friar of ordere gray.
(Perhaps 'tis the priest
Come back to least—
lie had ever a tooth for capon, he!
Hut the capon's cold.
And the steward's old,
And the butler's lost the larder key !)
The doughty lords
Sleep "the sleep of swords."
Dead are the dames a id damosels ;
The King in his gown
Hath laid him down,
And the Jester with his bells.
IV.
All is dead here :
Poppies are red here,
Vines in my lady's chamber grow—
If 'twas her chamber
Where they clamber
Up from the poisonous weeds below.
All is dead here,
Joy is fled here ;
Let us hence. 'Tie the end of all !
The gray arch crumbles,
And totters and tumbles,
And silence sits in the banquet hall.
Hayes the Next President.
In all human probability Mr. Hayes will be
our next President, and if the Democratic
party is patriotic and magnanimous enough
to accept this result when it finds that ap
peals to Congress and public opinion can not
prevent it, there is no reason for fearing that
he will not treat it with fairness and justice.
We have no doubt that the South would be
as well governed under him as under Mr.
Tilden. ' We have do doubt that he would
take the advice of the best class of Southern
ers in his treatment of that section. We
believe that his policy would be in all re
spects considerate and conciliatory if the
Democratic party gives him fair treatment
after his inauguration. All his sympathies
are with the liberal element of the Republican
party. With one branch of Congress opposed
to him in politics he would be bound over to
good behavior, even if fairness was not the
leading trait of his character. It would be
madness for the Democratic party to resort
to violence against such a man. and thereby
run the risk of keeping the government in
the bands of Grant .—New York Herald, ( Ind.)
Retirement of Senator Conklins:*
[Washington Correspondence New York Graphic.]
I think I am safe in announcing that the
career of Roscoe Conkling in public life
draws to a close. Ill health will probably be
the excuse for giving up his career as a Sen
ator, but it is known by his frienks that Mr.
Conkling feels keenly the hampered position
which he is put in by his meagre salary as a
Senator. After paying necessary expenses,
clerk hire and postage, he has less than $3,
000 a year—about as much he says, as ho
could make in two weeks as a lawyer. He
wishes to re-enter the profession, and to add
to his personal possessions. Were it not that
there is a Democratic Governor to appoint a
Senator in his place, he would probably re
sign at once, But he may wait until the close
of his term, in order to give the Republicans
a chance to recover tHe State of New York
At any rate, Mr. Conkling does not expect to
remain very long in public life.
They bad been engaged a long time, and
one evening were reading the paper together.
" Look love," he exclaimed, "only $15 fora
suit of clothes !" "Is it a wedding suit ? "
she asked, looking naively at her lover. " Oh!
no," he replied, " it is a business suit." "Well
1 meant business, " was the reply.
AN AWFUL EXAMPLE.
The United Stntes Held up to ihe Effete
Dynastie K of the old World as a
Warning.
The remark made by the member of Parlia
ment whom I have quoted, concerning Ameri
can morality, is only one of many indications
of an increased tendency observable in this
and other English-sneaking countries to scru
tinize trans-Atlantic affairs very closely, with
a view to proving to the people that Republi
canism involves moral and social decline.
Unfortunately for the priviledged classes, the
United Stales did not point iheir logic by
subsiding out of existence in the civil war.
The popular movement abroad has been even
aided by that war, as well as by the perverse
ness with which Prance is gaining orderly
government under a Republic, while Spain
flounders on in the mire under her monarchy.
There seems to be some special annoyance in
Australia, whose people begin to stir in the
direction of popular government ; and con
sequently the vigilant rulers and their organs
out there begin to indulge flings at the United
States. A paper reached me from Australia
only yesterday—a paper bearing the grand
title of The Two Worlds —which reports that
the Rev. Dr. McGibbon having just returned
from New York, is enlightening that regiou
with recitals of the shortcomings of Ameri
can churches. The Doctor is especially ag
grieved by remembrances of Dr. Hall's
Church. "I submit," he says, "that the
magnificence of the temple in which Dr.
Hall ministers, its gorgeous exterior, its mas
sive steeple, its elaborate windows, its lux
urious pews, its richly carpeted and uphols
tered stairs and seats, and skylight, its polished
wood, and its unique everything, costing $2,
000,000, ought to be condemned as a sinful
waste, and a practical notice to the poor that
"here the gospel and the ordinances of
Christ are intended for the rich."
In another article the same paper says :
"What a lesson America receives, in the
midst of her boasting, her wild expenditure
with other nations' money, her costly and
self-glorifying Centennial to be humiliated in
the dust by the exposure of her national cor
ruption, by the unrobing of Republican dis
honest} 1 " from top to bottom of the public
service, both political and civic—implying, as
it does, a total and hopeless corruption of the
whole fabric of society!" Elsewhere the
same journal refers to the "vapid history of
that poor creature, Stewart, who died the
other day in America, the loser of sixteen
millions sterling, reaping no joy from it,
reaping a thousand cares and mental diseases
from it, and being made ridiculous in his
very coffin by his tasteless, mindless friends,
who buried him—without hi9 sixteen mil
lions—in a full dress suit, and with rouge
upon his cheeks !" You will observe that
events in traveling all the way to Australia as
Shakspeare would say—
"Suffer a sea change
Into something rich and strange."
— H. D. Conway'8 London Letter .
She Could, but Wouldn't.
[Detroit Free Press.]
A Detroiter, who has been married but
three months, was the other day tossing over
the things in his wife's sewing-basket, when
he came across a little roll of newspaper ar
ticles about Laura Fair and Irene House.
"How did you come by these ?" he asked,
as his wife entered the room.
"Those ? Why, I took great pains to cut
them out and preserve them," was the reply
"But how can you take an interest in read
ing of such women, one of whom shot
friend and the other a husband ?"
"Oh, I merely cut them out," was her
evasive reply.
There was a painful silence for two or
three minutes, when she crossed over to him
and tenderly said :
"George, you needn't be afraid of me.
know I could shoot you and then secure
star lecture engagement, but I love you too
well, and besides, I want you to fasten my
skates on this winter !"
Prize Essay.
" On a turkle. This animal is found most
always in the water, and then he comes on
dry land. The turkle cannot fly. If he was
the right kind of a bird he could fly ; but if
he was a goose bird or an ostrich he could
not fly. The turkle has four paws and a
mouth like an American eagle, which makes
the British lion and the unicorn tremble. The
turkle has a shell, and sometimes folks put
fire on it, and the turkle crawls out. When
the turkle crawls out of his shell he is very
wet aDd sticky. There are two kinds of tur
kles ; muck turkle, and the other kiDd. We
don't have any other kind in our pond.
French and Irish people eat turkle and frogs,
but I should not like to. I caught a turkle
once, but it did not do me any good for I ex
changed it for a jacknife and cut my fingers.
Father said it was a judgment, but I thought
it v.'as a knife."
In the slang of people who live by their
wits in Paris "jewel" means the broken vic
tuals sold by the scullions of hotels and eat
ing houses, to whom broken victuals belong
as their perquisite. The price at which
broken victuals are sold is sixty cents a
bucketful ; in the bucket are fragments of
partridges and pieces of venison, bits of
pheasant and morsels of lobster, ends of
ham and wings of chicken, a corner of a
truffle, and a slice of tunny fish, a sprig of
salad and half a sardine. The "jeweler"
who buys them, picks, cleans, sorts them on
dates and offers them to be sold in the
Cooked Meats Market in the Great Market.
His earliest customers in the morning are les
gouepeurs or les fourneaux, that is vagabonds
who sleep in lime kilns and in deserted quar
ries, who are very fond of "jewels." After
they are served, all day long women come to
buy "jewels" for their pet dog or pet cat.
Not Simply tor Love.
His name was Biles. He dropped in to see
Dr. Cox, and utter a few remarks about the
weather and the condition of trade, he said :
"Doctor, do you think you could get me
up a wart for my nose ?"
"Why, really, Mr. Biles, that is such an
odd question that I"-.
"YYliat I want is a large, pink wart, about
the size of a marrowfat pea, and growing
of the right side of my nose a little above the
edge. Do you ever grow 'em for customers ?"
"I can hardly say that I do. Most people
want to get rid of such tilings, instead of en
couraging them. What on earth do you want
a wart on your nose for ?"
"Well, it's a kind of secret. You haven't
got a brick anywheres about the office, handy,
have you ?"
"I might find one in the yard, maybe."
"Well, what'll you charge me for taking
the butt end of it and knocking out four of
my front teeth ?"
"Mr. Biles, this is the most extraordinary
conversation 1 ever listened to. \V hat do you
mean ?"
"I want 'em busted right out, and if you
coukl give me some medicine tliat'd cock my
left eye a little one side, you'd do me a per
sonal favor."
"I'd like to understand what your object
is, first."
"I don't care much about letting anybody
into the secret, but if you'd promise not to
give me away on it, I'll tell you. You know
the widow Magee? Well, I've been sort of
spooney with her for some time, and when I
proposed to her she fought me off, and
wouldn't tell me why. At last she said that
she had made up her mind, never to marry
any man who was totally unlike Magee—her
first. So I gradually drew out of her that old
Magee sported a wart on his nose, and that
one of his eyes had got kind of twisted around
trying to look at it. And he had his front
teeth somewhat knocked out by a bull trying
to boost him over a fence. Now, what I
want is to get myself decorated up just like
he was, and if you can accommodate me, you
will conf er a favor.
"I'll tell you, though, there's one thin
that I'm worrying myself 'most to death
about. Old Magee fought in the wars, and
got chopped up a good deal, and he used to
wear a cork leg. Now, I've a notion that the
widow has been hinting around for me to get
a cork leg like his, and while I hate like thun
der to disappoint her, I've pretty much come
to the conclusion that if she makes a stand
on that store leg, I'll give her up if it breaks
my heart. I don't mind disfiguring my face
a little, but a man is always kind of scary
about having bis legs sawed off."
"You must love Mrs. Magee very much to
make such sacrifices for her."
"•Well, betwixt ourselves—in solemn con
fidence, mind you—it isn't that I like the
widow so much on her account ; but to tell
you the truth fair and square, the old man
left her the blamdest lot of farms, and bonds,
and houses, and other property you ever saw;
and if I can rake that in by humoring her
about those little physical defects, why I'm
going to do it. What's a wart to riches like
that ? I pledge you my word that if you
turn me loose among that property, you can
cover my nose so thick with warts that it
looks like a cauliflower, and I'll never growl
a particle. Now can you fix me up around
the countenance so as to suit the widow ?"
" I'm afraid not, Mr. Biles."
" Oh, very well, then. If it can't be done
it can't. I reckon the best way, anyhow, is
to get some good artist to frescoe a wart on
the nose, and to cover up the teeth with black
court plaster, so's it'll look's if they were out.
Then when we're married I'll put them right
again, and the widow may howl all all she's
a mind to."
And Mr. Biles left to hunt up a reliable
ornamental painter.
An Astonished Confederate.
A Northern Copperhead went down South
the other day, and meeting an ex-rebel soldier
looked around cautiously, and then pro-
foundly whispered in his ear: "Cheer up,
brother, we are going to get—up—another—
war—!" "What!" exclaimed the ex-Confed-
erate, jumping clear over a rail fence and
looking mightily frightened, "Another wah ?
Then yo' will see these 'ere legs takin' me
out of hyar, for we unö done gone got 'nut!
of dat 'ere on tother 'casion !" And then the
clay-eater, gazing at the copperhead for a
moment, and muttering something about
"kussed fuie," took a big chew of pig-tail
tobacco and moved off toward timberlaud.
->1— —
Life's Revolutions.
Once on a time there was a member of
Congress w ? ho, with his wife, lived in a grand
house in Washington. They were courted
by the fashionable world, and while the for
mer helped to make the laws of the land, the
latter was an honored dictatress in social
life. After many years she became a widow,
and in the winter of 1874 found herself in
Washington, holding a clerkship in one of
the public departments. She was in feeble
health, died suddenly while engaged at her
desk, and this was the substance of her re
quiem : "She was a most worthy woman, but
it was fortunate that she died without warn
ing, for in the event of a protracted illness
she had not a relative in the wide world who
could have attended her bedside ; and by the
hand of strangers she was consigned to her
final resting place."— Washington Capital.
Hayes Preparing to Give up the Gov
ernorship for the Presidency.
New York, DeCèmber 28.—The Graphic's
correspondent at Cincinnati telegraphs that
he has been informed on good authority that
Hayes intends to resign the Governorship of
Ohio on the re-assembtiDg of the Legislature
next Tuesday, confidently believing he will
be peacefully inaugurated President of the
United States on the 4th of March.
HE MADE A MISTAKE.
How a Reporter of a morning; Paper got
Hold of the Wrong Woman.
[From the Chicago Inter-Ocean.]
An amusing incident is related in connec
tion with the meeting at the Tabernacle on
Thursday night. As is well known, Mr.
Moody preached to fallen women, hundreds,
of whom were present, the newspapers were
agog, and a dozen or so of reporters were
dodging about the great building trying to
pick up ideas. Among these was a young
man from the Times, who had been told to
interview some of the women, if possible,
after the services.
He was a nice young man, a modest young
man, as all Times reporters are, but he 'had
not that stock of worldly experience with
which most of his brethren are endowed.
Seeing a richly dressed lady in the audience
who seemed deeply affected over the services,
he watched his opportunity, and, as the
audience was passing out, addressed her :
"How have you enjoyed the meeting?"
said he.
" Oh, very much," she replied. "Nothing
could be more affecting."
" Do you like Mr. Moody's preaching ?"
" I think he is the greatest living evange
list," she returned.
"You believe what he says then?" said the
reporter.
" Most assuredly I do,' she answered.
" Are you ready to leave your life of sin,
then, and try to reform?"
" What?" exclaimed the lady, looking
lather blank.
"Are you ready to reform ?"
An expression half of astonishment and
half of indignation overspread the lady's
countenance.
" What do you mean by reforming ?" said
he, rather tartly.
"I mean leaving your disreputable life,"
he replied.
The lady looked at him steadily a moment,
and then said : " I think the managers ought
to send only such members of the Christian
Association out to tala to the congregation
as are possessed of a little common sense,
and I intend to tell them so.
It was the young man's turn to stare now.
"What managers ?" said he.
"The managers of these meetings," she
replied.
"I've nothing to do with the meetings,"
said he, "I'm a reporter."
"Oh !" said the lady.
"Yes!" returned the reporter.
"Then," said she, "I will tell you some
thing that you can raak a note of. I hope I
am a respectable womao. I have been a
member of an orthodox church ever since
I was 11 years old, I have done all I could to
aid Brother Moody in these meetings, and I
am here to-night to help any fallen women—
or men," she added, looking significantly at
the reporter, "who may need my services.
Now, if you will come into the inquiry room
I will take great pleasure in introducing you
to Brother Moody."
The young man didn't go, but he did get
out of that building about as fast as hi9 legs
could carry him, while his face w ? as beaming
like a carnation rose. The lady—the wife of
one of Chicago's prominent and wealthy
young citizens—told the story afterward to
some friends, who greatly enjoyed it, as will
everybody else, except possibly the unfortu
nate reporter.
Extradition Treaty.
Washington, December 27.—The Presi
dent, in his message on the extradition treaty
between the United States and Great Britain,
says : It is with great satisfaction that I have
to announce that Her Majesty's government,
while desiring not to be understood to recede
from the interpretation which in its previous
correspondence it put upon the treaty, but
having a regard to the prospect of a new
treaty and the powers possessed by either
party to spontaneously renounce the old
one, caused the re-arrest on the 4th inst. of
Brent, one of the fugitives who had been
previously discharged, and, after waiting the
requisite time within which the fugitive is en
titled to apply for his discharge, on the 21st
surrendered him to the agent appointed on
behalf of this government to receive and con
vey him to the United States. As the surren
der by Great Britain without condition or
stipulation of any kind being asked removes
the obstacles which interrupted the execu
tion of the treaty, I shall no longer abstain
from making demands on Her Majesty's gov
ernment for the surrender of fugitive crimi
nals, nor from entertaining requisitions of
that character from that government, under
the treaty of 1842, but will again regard the
treaty as operative, hoping to be able before
long to conclude for Her Majesty's govern
ment a new treaty of a broader and more
comprehensive nature.
The correspondence accompanying the
message includes the dispatches heretofore
published as far back as June and July of the
present year.
Report Denied.
New York, December 26.—The report
from Washington that Treasury experts are
engaged in examining money partially burned
in the recent fire on the Erie Railroad, by
which safes containing $1,000,000 were de
stroyed, is incorrect. There has been no loss
of safes containing money on the Eria Rail
road, and no loss of $1,000,000 in safes on
any road.
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FACT AND FANCY,
Cornucpias is the Latin for tight boots.
Self-possession is ten points of the law.
Deal gently with the herring ; it is full of
bones.
" The solid north " is what stops the Arctic
expeditions.
No man can tell how big his mind is until
it is made up.
Jokes are like nuts—the dryer they are the
better they crack.
Wanted to divide fairly—The English
man who took his half-a-davit.
And Mrs. Grant has just bought a purple
silk dress in New York—Imperial purple—
markthat!
Taey must have bet in Bible times, for
mention is made in the holy writ of the pool
at Siloam.
When a man is sick in bed he is generally
more unwell than when he is able to be about.
Never be sick in bed.
In Norway drunkards are compelled to
sweep the streets. It is to their interest to
keep the gutters clean.
It took a man-ot-war, 519 men and 300 tons
of coal to bring Tweed and his two pieces of
baggage home frouj a foreign shore.
In selecting colors for the various apart
ments at your house, avoid a brown study.
As for the library, it should always be red.
Something to look forward to.—Every
plain girl has one consolation—though not a
prettp young lady, she will (it she lives) be a
pretty old one,
"Did you do nothing to resuscitate the
body ?' ' ,r "9 recently asked of a witness at a
coroner's inquest. "Yes, sir; w T e searched
the pockets," was the reply.
A lady said to a gentleman who was suf
fering with the influenza, " My dear sir, what
do you take for your cold ?" " Five pocket
handkerchiefs a day, madam."
Benedict assures us—and we have no
reason to doubt his word—that since his mar
riage, whenever he misses the last train he is
sure to catch it .—Funny Folks.
Among the religious notices in a Western
paper, one reads, Parson Piper pipes a re
ligious roundelay to happy hearers at St.
Luke's, on Sunday, morning and evening.
Harry Watterson remarks that sixteen years
was a long time for Democrats between
drinks. He forgets that along in 18G8 there
was a break that came in rather 'Andy to re
lieve the monotonous thirstiness.
A Chicago girl has been given her choice
between hanging up her stockings or a two
bushel bag on Christmas eve. She said she
would hang up the one that held the most,
and therefore chose her stockings.
Lord Chancellor Campbell, a few days be
fore his death, met a barrister and remarked:
"Why, Mr.-, you are getting as fat as a
porpoise." "Fit company, my lord, for the
great seal," was the ready repartee.
The Turks have a battle hymn which they
sing when they go into battle. It is said that
the soldiers of the enemy put their fingers in
their ears and rush madly upon the bay
onets of the foe, gladly welcoming death as
an escape from the singing.
The laziest man is on a Western paper. He
spells photograph "4tograph." There have
been but three worse than he. One lived
out in Kansas, and dated his letter " 11
worth;" another spelt Tennessee "10aC,"
and the other wrote Wyandotte "Y&."
matrimonial Advertisement.
New York, December 27.—The Times has
this : A Washington paper prints the follow
ing queer advertisement, and it is asserted to
be genuine :
Wanted— A wife by a member of Con-
gress. Is good looking, under 55 years of age,
and is in receipt of a fair income from other
sources than his official salary ; will probably
be re-elected, and proposes to purchase a
comfortable home in Washington if he can
find a suitable partner. The lady to be eligi-
ble must be not over 22 years of age ; must
be good looking, and must be of a fiank, sin-
cere and loving disposition. Political opin-
ions and family connections unimportant.
Must possess candor, amiability and intelli-
gence. No objection to young ladies in the
goverment civil service. Address, with pho-
tograph, X. Y. Z., care of office.
- »*■ - --- —
Rally of the Union League of Illinois.
Chicago, December 29.—The Times this
morning publishes the address of the National
Union League of Illinois, said to be in se
cret circulation throughout the State. The
document is signed by the Grand Secretary,
and is headed by Robert Ingersoll as Presi
dent. It states that another crisis in the af
fairs of cur country is approaching, threaten
ing no less dangers to the liberties of our citi
zens than that of 1861. We believe it is time
when jatriots and lovers of the Union should
be on their guard, remembering that in union
is strength. A call is made upon all patriots
in every city and town throughout the State
to organize for the protection and defense of
our sacred institutions by prompt action.
There can within the next GO days be enrolled
in our State not leas than 100,000 National
Union Leaguers. The veterans of the late
war are, as they are earnestly invited to do,
actively eo-oporating with other legal citi
zens, to prolong and perfect the oroposed or
ganization. The document closes by saying
that the necessary documents for organiza
tion will be forwarded on application.