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Volume xvii. Helena, Montana, Thursday, May io, 1883. No. 2 5 ' PCBMSHED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING. - O Terms of Subscription. WEEKLY HERALD: One Year..........................................................$4 00 six Months........................................................ 2 00 Postage, in all cases, Prepaid. DAILY HERALD: City Subscribers, delivered by carrier, SI 50a month One Year, by mail...........................................S12 00 Six Months, " .......................................... 6 00 Chanties of address will be made promptly and chi erfüll y , but requests MUST give the post office FROM as well as the one TO which such change is de sired, in order to receive attention. £g»All communications should be addressed to J ISK BROS., Publishers, Helena, Montana. THE MODEL AMERICAN (UHL. A practical, plain young girl ; Xot-afraid-of-the-rain young girl ; A poetical posy, A ruddy and rosy, A helper-of-self young girl. At-home-in-her-place young girl ; A never-will-lace young girl ; A toiler serene, A life pure and clean, A princess-of-peace young girl. A v. ear-her-own-hair young girl ; A free-from-a-stare young girl ; Improves every hour, No sickly sunflower, A wealth-of-rare-sense young girl. 1'lenty-rooin-in-her-shoes young girl ; No indulger-in-biues young girl ; Not a bang on her brow, To fraud not a bow, She's a just-what she-seems young girl. Not a reader-of-trash young girl ; Not a cheap-jewel-flash young girl ; Not a sipper of rum. Not a chewer of gum, A marvel-of-sense young girl. An early-retiring young girl ; An active, inspiring young girl ; A morning ariser, A dandy despiser, A progressive, American girl. A lover-of-prose young girl ; Not a turn-up-your-nose young girl : Not given to splutter, Not "utterly utter,'' But a matter-of-fact young girl. A riglitly-ambitious young girl ; Red-lip—most-delicious joung girl ; A sparkling clear eye, That says, "1 will try,'' A sure-to-succeed young t irl. An honestly-courting young girl ; A never-seen-flirtingyoung girl ; A quiet and pure, Modest demure, A fit-lbr-a-wife young girl. A sought-everywhere young girl ; A future-most-fair young girl ; An even discreet, We too seldom meet This queen among queens young girl. The Bad Roy and His Pa. [Peck's Sun.] Said the bad boy the grocery man : "I think when a man is in trouble, if be bas a «rood little boy to take his mind from his troubles, and get him mad at something else it rests him. Last night we had hot maple syrup and biscuit for supper, and pa bad a saucer full in front of him, just a steaming. 1 could see he was thinking too much about his mining stock, and I thought if there was anything I could do to take his mind oft' of it, and place it on something else, I would be doiug a kindness that would be appre ciated. I sat on the right of pa, and when he wasn't looking I pulled the table cloth so the saucer of red hot maple syrup dropped o!f in his lap. Well, you'd a died to see how quick his thoughts turned from his financial trouldes to his physical misfortunes. There was about a pint of hot syrup, and it went all over his lap, and you know how hot melted maple sugar is, and how it sort of clings to everything. Pa jumped up and grabbed hold of bis pants legs to pull them away from himself, and he danced around and told ma to turn the hose on him, and then he took a pitcher of ice water and poured it down his pants, and he said the condemned old table was getting so rickety that a saucer wouldn't stay on it, and I told pa if he would put some tar on his legs, the kind that he told me to put ou my lip to make my moustache grow, the syrup wouldn't burn so, and then he cuffed me, me, aud then I think he felt better. It is a great thing to get a man's mind oft' of bis troubles, but where a man hasu't got any mind, like you, for instance—" At this point the grocery man picked up a fire poker, and the boy went out in a hurry and hung up a sign in front of the grocery, "Cash paid for fat dogs." I'eter Cooper's Success. "I owe any success which may have been mine, " said Mr. Cooper, "largely to my atti tude in regard to the banks. I would not put myself in their power by running in debt. I had learned three trades by the time I was 21 years old—one of them on what is now the corner of Broadway and Chambers street. I could make any part ot a hat, and for several years worked in an ale brewery with my father. In my 17th year I entered as an apprentice to the coach making business, in which I remained lour years till I became of age. I made lor my employer a machine for mortising the hubs of cairiages, which proved very profitable to him, and was, perhaps, the first of its kind in this country. When I was 21 years old my employer offered to build me a shop and set me up in business, but as 1 always had a horror of being burdened with debt, and having no capital of my own, I declined his kind ofi'er. He himself became a bankrupt. 1 have made it a rule to pay everything as I go. If, iu the course of business, anything is due from me to any one and the money is not called for, I make it my business on the last Saturday before Christmas to take it to his business place."__ The Florida Canal. l he Florida Legislature has granted a charter to a slfip canal company, and allowed them to take a strip of land from the State a «luarter of a mile wide from the Atlantic to the Gulf, and a half mile wide at passing stations. The canal is not to be less than one hundred feet wide at the water-line and twenty feet deep, and the capital is tobe from $40,000,000 to $60,000,000. The State will claim one-half of one per cent, of the ; I I ! ! ! I j ! 1 j j i i I I I i ! : ' ! i Hot Water as a Medicine. [New York Sun.] A young man who was compelled to re sign his position in one of the public schools of this city because he was breaking down with consumption, and who has ever since been battling for life, although with little apparent prospect of recovery, was encount ered several days ago in a Broadway res taurant. "I see," he said, "that you seemed surprised at my improved appearance. No doubt you wonder what could have caused such a change. Well, it was a very simple remedy —nothing but hot water." "Hot water?" "That's all. You remember my telling you that I had trisd all of the usual reme dies. I consulted some of the leading spec ialists in affections of the longs in this city, and paid them large fees. They went through the usual course of experimentation with me under all sorts of medicines. I went to the Adirondacks in the summer and ; to Flordia in the winter ; but none of these things did me any substantial good. I lost ground steadily, grew to be almost a skele ton, and had all the -worst symptoms of a consumptive whose end is near at hand. At that junction a friend told me that he had heard of cures being effected by drinking hot water. "I consulted a physician who had paid special attention to this hot water cure, and was using it with many patients. He said : "There is nothing, you know, that is more difficult than to introduce a new remedy in to medical practice, particularly if it is a very simple one, and strikes at the root ol erroneous views and prejudices that have long been entertained. The old school prac tioners have tried^or years to cure consump tion, but they are as far from doing it as ever. "Now, the only radical explanation of con- ! sumption is that it results from defective nu trition. It is always accompanied by mal- 1 assimilation of food. In nearly every case the stomach is the seat of a fermentation that necessarily prevents proper digestion. The first thing to do is to remove that fer mentation, and put the stomach in a condi tion to receive food and dispose of it proper ly. This is effected by taking water into the stomach, as hot as it can be born, an j hour before each meal. This leaves the stom- ; ach clean and pure, like a boiler that has ! been washed out. Then put into the stom- | ach food that is in the highest degree nu- ! tritious and the least disposed to fermenta- j tion. No food answers this discription better than tender beef. A little stale bread may be eaten with it. Drink nothing but pure water, and as little of that at meals as pos sible. Vegetables, pastry, sweets, tea, coffee, and alcholic liquor should be avoided, Fut tender beef alone into a clean and pure stom ach three times a day, and the system will be fortified and built up until the wasting ! away, that is the chief feature of consump- • tion, ceases, and recuperation sets in." "This reasoning impressed me. I began ; by taking one cup of hot water an hour be fore each meal, and gradually increased the | dose to three cups. At first it was unpleas- ; ant to take, but now I drink it with a relish | that I never experienced in drinking the j choicest wine. I began to pick up immedi- j ately after the new treatment, and gained fourteen pounds within two months. 1 have gained ground steadily in the. trying climate of New York ; and I tell you, sir, I feel on a sure way to recovery." Here un old gentleman who had been standing near, and evidently listening to the conversation, turned to the teacher and said : "This remedy of hot-water drinking has attracted my attention for some time. It has been of immense service in relieving me of a terrible dyspepsia that tormented me for many years. I tried numerous able phy sicians, aiid there is probably no medicine that is prescribed for such an ailment which was not given to me ; but none of them gave me any permanent benefit. But the simple remedy of drinking hot water, ac companied by a rational regulation of my diet, has entirely cured me, advanced though I am in life. It was not the dieting alone that did it. I had tried that before. It was the use of hot water that that cured me, for that made it possible to derive benefit from a judicious diet. I have also found this treatment of great benefit in kidney diseases, which are largely owing to mal-assimiliation of food." The teacher listened very attentively to the old gentlaman's remarks. "1 am glad to learn that your experience," he said, "agrees so fully with mine. I have become acquainted with various cases in which this simple method of treatment has effected permanent cures after all the efforts of pbvsicians had failed. I am convinced simply from what I have seen, that almost any disturbance ot the human system that results from disorders of the stomach can be alleviated, and, in most instances, cured iu the same way. The very simplicity of the thing mav cause some to hesitate about at taching much importance to it ; but, like the proper ventilation of your dwellings, it may prevent disease and effect cures where all the drugs of the pharmacopeia will fail. Flowers Nourished by Potatoes. [Utica Observer. A gentleman from Utica, in Louisville who wished to send some beautiful flower buds to his wife, was at a loss how to do so, A florist friend said he would fix them. He cut a potato in two pieces and cut holes in them, into which he inserted the stems of the buds and placed them iu a box, with cot ton to support them. A letter from the re cipient acknowledged the remembrance, and said the buds had developed into full blown flowers. There is sufficient moisture in a good sized potato to support a flower two weeks in a moderately cool temperature, Flowers from boquets or baskets may be preserved in the same way. The potatoes may be hidden by leaves or mosses. Height of Haves. It is stated that in the North Atlantic i waves have been observed 24 and .10 leet high, the highest being 42, the mean 18 in westerly gales. On the Pacific ocean thirty two feet is recorded ; South Atlantic, twenty two ; Cape Horn, thirty-two ? Mediterranean, fourteen ; German ocean, thirteen ; and the French sailors mention thirty-six feet in the Bay of Biscay. READING CHARACTER. The Mistakes Made by a Rartender of Phrenological Tendencies. [From the New York Sun.] "I can always tell by the expression of a man's face whether he is a self-reliant man or not." Said a bartender in a Nassau street saloou to a customer yesterday. "Now, that large man just coming in has a will of his own, and the smaller one with him could be guided by any one," aud he speculatively jingled two glasses on the bar as the two gentlemen approached. They were both well dressed, and looked contented with their lot. The tall one had, indeed, a face expressive of a desire to have his own way, and was not unlike Tug Wilson in appear ance. His smaller friend had an exceeding ly mild aspect. He seemed nervous, and not at all, as the bar-tender had said, like a person of strong will power. They both took whisky, and the smaller one offered to pay for it. "Pay at the cashier's desk, sir," said the bartender, politely, handing him two 10 cent checks. He looked at the cashier's desk, which was some distance away, and, suddenly losing his mild appearance, said: "I'll be hanged if I am going to be made a waiter of by a d—d bartender. 1 came in to get a drink, not to run errands." "For heaven's sake, JackJ pay at the desk, and don't make a scenee," said his tall friend, who seemed to have lost hi? pugilistic aspect as quickly as his friend li id got rid of his pacific one. "I'll be shot if Ido," said the smaller man, his voice growing louder. "Here, will you take this or not ? "It's the last time of ask ing." "I'm not allowed to take money," said the bartender. "Well, I hope for your own sake you are allowed to give drinks for nothing," was the reply, as the small man stalked to the door, followed by his greatly subdued com panion. The bartender considered for a moment, and then crawled over the bar and went after them. "I suppose I must take it the way you say," he said. "Then take it !" said the small man, throw-1 ing two dimes on the floor. "And thank your stars that you get it." The bartender picked up the coins, gave them to the cashier, and went back to his place. "I made a mistake," he said, eonfiden tially, to his first customer. "It's the little one who has a will of his own, and the big one whom any one could guide." A BIG UTAH FARM. Fifty Thousand Acres to he Put Under Cultivation. [Salt Lake Tribune. ] John W. Kerr, Alex. Toponce and asso ciates have inaugurated a oig enterprise in the way. which eclipses anything of the kind in Utah. Mr. Toponce has been the possessor of a farm containing between 6,000 and 7,000 acres for several years, which he has culti vated to some extent. This land lies in the vicinity of Malad river, some miles north of Corinne, and is supplied with irrigating ditches. The Central Pacific owned each al ternate section in Bear and Malad valleys above Corinne, while the government held the other sections. A short time ago the Central Pacific sold 54,000 acres to Kerr and Toponce, and these gentlemen secured from ! the government a similar amount, and they now propose to fence in the entire tract. Be sides this, they propose to dig such canals as as will be ample to irrigate the entire body, This land is rich, and all that has been lack ing to make it productive was water, and this can be had in abundance from Malad river. For wheat there is probably none better than Utah. It is a great enterprise, and promises big results under their manage incut. Proposed Law in Russia. The Noicoje Wremla of St. Petersburg re cently gave an outline v-f a remarkably dras tic law which it is proposed to enact to les sen the evil of intemperance in Russia. First it is proposed that no drinking house shall be allowed to be erected in the neigh borhood of factories and workshops ; that no selling of drink for consumption on the premises shall be permitted except in a limited number of places in the more public and general resorts ; that if drink is sold to children and minors, whether with or with out their parents' consent, the public house at which this was done shall be closed by the police. Secondly, among the clauses deal ing with the customer, there is one which proposes that "every incorrigible chronic drinker" shall forfeit the rights of a pater familias. His children are to be taken away from him and regarded as the children of the State, by which they will be placed in some educational institute, where the father will be prohibited from interfering with them. In the case of an incorrigibly drunk en husband the project suggests that the courts shall be allowed to grant his wife, upon her own appeal, a species of conditional divorce, with a guarantee of exclusive right to her earnings. »Similarly at the request of a husband whose wife is an incorrigible drunkard, it is proposed that he be freed from the obligation of maintaining her and j living with her. In either case this sépara- j tion is to be counted as a legitimate divorce, ! enabling the spouse of the incorrigible tip- j pier to contract a second union. We hear j that the special commission includes a large ! number of medical assessors. Passed the Crisis. [Wail street News.] "How do things' seem to open this spring?' j inquired one shabby-genteel of another, as' ; they met at the City Hall. "Favorable—highly favorable. A mem ber of the Legislature in town yesterday took me for a canal commissioner, and let me strike him for $10. How is it with yon ?" j "Positively splendid. I originated a syndi- j cate to buy 7,000,000 acres of wild land in ■ Arkansas, and sold my idea for $15." "It seems as if we had passed the crisis." "Oh, I think so. At least, I'm going to in- ; vest in another white shirt and a three-dol lar cane." THE TERRIBLE BANG GIRL. Distressing and Demoralizing Banging the Hair. Effects of [Wichita (Kan.) Times.1 Bangs on a girl give her an unruly look, like a cow with a board over her face. You take the gentlest cow in the world and put a board over her face and turn her out in a pasture and she gets the reputation of being unruly, and you would swear she would jump fences and raise merry Hades, and you wouldn't give so much for her by $10 only for beef. It is so with the girl. If she wears her hair high on her forehead, or brushed back, or even had frizzes, and had a good look, you will go your bottom dollar on her, and feel that she is as good as gold, and that when she tells her young man that she loves him there is no discount on it, and no gig gling back ; bat take the same girl with her front hair banged, and when she looks at you you feel just as though she would hook, and you can't trust her. She has a fence jumping look that makes a man feel as though he wouldn't feel safe unless she was tied hand and foot so she couldn't get out of the pasture. A girl with bangs may try to SÄTSffi int nf , 1n ; n „ Thp hfln „ „ ir i mav hPlomr °V d01 " g ' , e "f ®P r may belong he church and may try to put on a pious When she looks at herself in the glass and sees the quarter of forehead, she says to her self : "I am dangerous ; they want to look out for me." She thinks she is all right, but she is constantly doing that which a girl who wears her hair brushed back would not think to Look while the hymn is being read. But she will lo c out from behind those bangs side wise at some meek and lowly young Chris tian who is trying to get his mind fixed on the hymn and he will get his mind fixed on her, and it will break him all up and he won't know whether he is singing "A charge to keep I have" or "She's a daisy." The bang girl may place her bangs down on the back of the pew ahead of her during the morning prayer and try to be good, but her corset will be too tight, and as she hitches around to ease the pain one eye will rise like the morning sun over the back of the pew, and that eye will catch the eye of a young man two seats to the right, who is trying to cover his face with one hand while he tries to keep the flies off the pomade on his hair with the other, aud his interest in the prayer is knocked into a cocked hat. The , ,, . , banging ol a girl s hair changes the whole nature ol the little w retch, and she becomes as a gun that is loaded. You take a picture of "Evangeline" and bang her hair and she would look as though she would "run at" people. How'would Mrs. Van Cott, the al leged female preacher, look with her hair banged ? It is just the same with boys, You take a nice, pious Sunday-school boy whd can repeat 300 verses of the New Teta ment and cut his hair w'ith a clipper and he looks like Tug Wilson. (Jive the Best of Yourself. A lady gave us a rule, by which she had succeeded in interesting her lively fun-loving boys, so they preferred to remain at home evenings instead of seeking amusements els- j where. She said : "I remember that children are children, and must have amusements. I fear that the abhorrence with which some good parents regard any play for children is the ieason why children go away for pleasure. Husband and I used to read history, and at the end of some chapter ask some questions, requiring the answer to be looked up if not given correctly. We follow a similar plan with the children ; sometimes we play one game and sometimes another, always plan uing with books, stories, plays or treats of some kind to make the evenings at home more attractive than they can be made abroad. I should dislike to think that any one could make my children happier than I cau, so I always try to be at leisure in the evening and to arrange something entertain ing. "When there is a good concert, lecture or entertainment, we all go together and enjoy it, for whatever is worth the price of ad mission to us older people is equally valua to the children, and we let them see that we spare no expense where it is to their advan tage to be out of an evening. "But the greater number of our evenings are spent quietly at home. Sometimes it re quires quite an effort to sit quietly talking and playing with them when my work bas ket is filled with unfinished work and books and papers lie unread on the table ; but, as the years go by and I see my boys and girls growing into home-loving, modest young men and maidens, I am glad that I made it my rule to give the best of myself to my family." The Man Who Never Stocks. Speculated in [Troy Times.] It may be mentioned as a noticeable fea ture in Peter Cooper'r business career that he avoided speculation. He was a lifelong plodder. No one ever saw him among Wall street cliques. His financial opinions were often sought, but no one ever knew him to recommend stock operations. Efforts were ma de to draw him into Wall street operations, but they always failed. He believed in ] a bor as the true source both of wealth and happiness, and hence never wished to retire, He died in harness, which is the best way to die. New York has recently lost three men of wealth and beneficence such as few cities can boast—E. D. Morgan. William E. Dodge and Peter Cooper—the last mentioned being in all points the greatest. All three began in poverty, rose by industry and be came national benefactors, and now stand exalted and honored by national gratitude. One sultry Sunday a minister was thun dering away at his drowsy congregation, the majority of which would go to sleep in spite of all his efforts. At last he shouted, "Wake up here ! There is a man preaching to you who has only half a shirt on his back !" It woke them tremendously. The next day a delegation of ladies visited the parsonage and presented the preacher with a package con * - . m -■ onmnrr V» r» f taining some very nice shirts, saying "that it was a shame that he should be reduced to half a shirt to his back." He replied, after accepting the shirts with thanks, "that he was not literally reduced to half a shirt, al though he wore only a half on his back ; he wore the other half in front of him." A JOURNALISTIC JAUNT. The Coming Southern Cattle Drive* The Typical Cow-Boy. : boy and the harvester have wiped out the j traces of the pioneer, aud now that the ! wire fence has come the cow-boy must go [Curtis in Chicago Inter-Ocean.] The old Santa Fe trail needs a historian. We live rapidly aud forget easily. The cow A COW-BOY INTERVIEWED. At Fort Dodge, the great cattle market of Kansas, "the end of the'drive," where the herds leave the trail and the gramma grass and take the cars for the packing-houses of Chicago, I had an interview with the festive eowboy. He has a jaunty air, and wears his b roa( j g ra y sombrero with its cord of gold _______ _ ___ „„ —„e — „„ around the crown with as much grace as the belle of Michigan avenue bears her new spring bonnet. He was just in from the range, and the way in which he answered my questions proved that he can talk as well as he can ride and shoot. I asked him about the spring "round up" and he said it would take place as soon as the convention of ranchmen which meets at r DO.,«eon, „en «h, 1». 13* was! over. j "Will the spring drive be large this year ?" J "Yes," he replied, "a right smart bunch o'| cattle will be drove in. ' | "How many will come here ?\ "Three or four hundred thousand head, j he re P lied ' and then he went 011 , ex P laia j that would be the iast great drive and j « round up * in that section. The introdue up ' in tnat section, me introauc- j tion of wire lences by the ranchmen to pro- , tect their ranches from scattering and home- j less herds prevented the cattle from going j across the country as they formerly did, and ; of the railroads made it un the extension necessary. THE WINTER LOSSES among the cattle had been very small, un usually so, he said. Although the cold was severe there had been little snow, and the grass had been good and accessible all winter. "How about the cowboys' strike ?" I asked. "That's pretty well settled," he responded, "and the boys have compromised on $42.50 a month. \Ve were getting $30 a month, and struck lor $50, but we only wanted a fair show, and were willing tosplit the difference." I asked him about the moral condition of Fort Dodge, which has had the reputation of being "the hardest town on the line," and he said it was getting better. There were a ^ ew decent women there now, he said and i that were ! ! I j 1 ! He used to catch a tender-foot three or four children. I told him some of the stories printed in the Eastern papers last winter about the cowboys, and he said they were the inventions of newspaper "rustlers," who were hard up for something to write about. The duel between tw'elve cowboys reported to have taken place here last winter, in which eight of the participants died with their boots on, was a pleasant little fiction ; and he sententiously remarked that the cow boys were no such blank fools. THE MURDERED MARSHAL. "But didn't they murder the City Marshal j of Fort Dodge ?" I asked. "Waal, yes," he replied with a smile. "The Marshal of Fort Dodge did go to glory last winter." "How did that happen?" "Waal, you see," he said, "the Marshal was a rustler, and lie played his game on the wrong party, with rocks now' and then, lock him up in the cooler, pinch his boodle (rob him of his money), and then order him to leave town. That would do as long as he played it on tenderfeet, but a cowboy went East for a spell, and when he came back here with a long-horned collar and a bald-face shirt the Marshal tried the game on him, and that was the end of it." ! "What did you do ?" "We only plugged him." "Was he killed ?" "That's what the coroner said." "Then you do shoot sometimes?" "Yes, there's considerable shooting going on now and then. When a man comes out here aud punches cov^s for three or four years it won't do to play no games on him." How he Shot the Dog. I [Arkansas Traveler.] "Yon are charged, Uncle Primus, with firing off a gun and killing Mr. Brown's large Newfoundland dog. Are you guilty or not?" The old man looked up over his spectacles, turned partly around to the large audience and said in a very effective way : "I are not." "Well, then," continued the court, "let's hear what you have to say for yourself." "Hit's jis dis way, yer honah. I b'longs to er kullered militery comp'ny hyeer in dis town an' on las' Sad'day night I went to drill at de armury, an' when I started home, jis as I wuz gwine pass Mr. Brown's house his big ole dog jumped film de fence, an'jis terskeer de brute, I cocked my rifle, wid de 'tenshun ter snap de trigger, thinkin' dat would dribe him back. But, lor' bless yer soul, boss! some mischeevous niggar stuck a 'catridge in dat ar gun up at de armury onbeknows ter me, an' de consequence wnz, de dog got sliot ^ "Then, of coure, your plea is you shot the ! dog in self-defense ''' i "No, sir; yer honah, I never loud dat I i shot him in self-defense." "Then what did you say ?" "I said I shot him in de side wen he run through de fence." Uncle Primus was not fined. Species of Slave Traffic in Germany. Wm. Joest, a German traveler, who has traversed all the accessible countries of the world, writes that he has found an organized and widely extended traffic in German girls, who were consigned to a condition hardly better than that of slaves. They are sent from Hamburg, which seems to be the main shipping point, to the countries of South America, both on the Atlantic and Pacific coasts, to Cuba, the West Indies, Central America, Mexico, and the United States. Joest found snch girls in Alexandria, Suez, Bombay, Calcutta, »Singapore, Hong Kong and Shanghai. There were none in the Dutch colonies of Asia, Holland not permit ting their introduction. Joest states that he has evidence that a large number of agents and traveling drummers are employed in the traffic, and that it is well known to many of the German Consuls abroad. : ; ! ! a DRAW POKER. : Mrs. Spoopendyke's Knowledge of the Game. [Our Society.] "Now, my dear," said Mr. Spoopendyke, shuffling the cards and dividing the checkers j two equal piles ; suppose we play a ! _ \ __ e J^ me P°ker. Do you know how to play poker ?" "I guess so, ' replied Mrs. Spoopendyke, hitching up her chair and dusting the top of the table with a towel. "Now, how many cards do you want ?" "Let me think," fluttered Mrs. Spoopen dyke. Let's see. I believe I'll take ten." "Better take a gross !" snorted Mr. Spoop endyke, eyeing her wrathfully. "Perhaps you'd like half a barrel ! Don't you know' you can't draw but five ? If you've got any bad cards, throw 'em away and 111 give you more for 'em. If your cards are all good you can stand pat. Do vou 'want to stand pat ?" "I guess so," sighed ;Mrs. Spoopendyke, helplessly. "If I stand pat, do I play" the eight or the queen ?" "You don't play either." replied Mr. Spoop **. j drawing a couple of kings. "Now, it s my J bet. I bet two ; what do you bet ?" "Then I bet two," answered Mrs. Spoop | endvke, brightening up as she began to see her way clear. "I bet a queen and an eight," j an( i ^he laid them down with confidence. j "That calls my hand," sàid Mr. Spoopen j dy^e gleefully "only vou don't bet vour Son bet'vonr1C , J ° j cards ; you bet your ceekers. Put in two , heckers and show your cards." j Mrs. Spoopendyke shoved her checkers j i nto t h e middle of the table and laid down three eights and a pair of queens. "Where'd you get 'em ?" roared Mr. Spoop ; endyke, recogniziug his defeat. "What'd ye want to keeii talking about the three of didn't eights and the two of queens ? Why you tell me you had a full hand ?" "You gave them to me," returned Mrs. Spoopendyke, dolefully. "I only had those five. What does it do ?" "It makes a jack pot !" growled Mr. Spoop endyke, seeing a chance for himself in his wife's utter ignorance of the game. "Now we've each got to put in one checker, just because you played in that way." "I'm sorry, dear," cooed Mrs. Spoopendyke, rather pleased with the idea of getting out of the scrape at any expense. "And yet I might have known it would have made it a jack pop, if I had stopped to think !" i "When you stop to think, you only want a s tick of chewing gum aud a rat-trap to be a female seminary ! Do you know what a jack pot is ? Got some kind of a notion that it has three legs and is used to cook mush iu, have'nt ye ? Well, it isn't, and it isn't to sit there and grin at either ! It takes a pair of jacks or something as good as them to open it. Now, take these cards and tell me whether you open it or not." Mrs. Soopendyke examined her cards erit ! ically. ! "What have you got?" demanded Mr. I Spoopendyke. j His wife laid down four aces and a jack. Mr. Spoopendyke glanced at the hand 1 and then at his own cards. His ace was on ly the joker, which he had forgotten tore move from the pack. "Which opens it ?" inquired Mrs. Spooen ! dyke, watching the gathering storm with some trepidation. "Nothing opens it !" yelled Mr. Spoopen dyke, dashing his cards to the floor. "With your way of playing it, it would take a steam oyster-knife to open it! flow'd ye think it was opened—with a night key? Got an idea that it has hinges, haven't pe, aud opens widest when it has nothing to say, j like your mouth ? ! "Must I bet my last cent now ?" faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke, profoundly impressed with idea that the game was still going on. "I've got four dollars, but I want oue for wiggin. Shall I bet the oilier three ?" "Bet 'em !" bawled Mr. Spoopendyke, who, like a great many men, regarded the idea of his wife beating him at anything as some thing intolerably blaphemous. "Why don't ye bet ? Bring fortli the speculative three dollars and hazard it on the four trumpbaut aces ! Wah-h-h-h !" and the conclusion of Mr. Spoopendyke's speech flew out to fast for perfect enunciation. "I don't care," murmured Mrs. »Spoopeu dyke, as she wound the clock, and stood scratching her nose with the key ; "he told me that four aces were as good as the jack int, and when I opened it, he said I was wrong. Another time I'll put them in my pocket, and he cau play away at that jack pot until he's bald before I'll help him get it open." And with this riotous determination Mrs. Spoopendyke crawled into be and dreamed that she had got caught in a jack pot with a spring lock to it, and couldn't get out be cause she had left the four aces in the pocket of her new plum-colored silk. Eight Men Eaten by Cannibals. [Hartford Courant.] L. S. Strickland, a younger brother of L. C. Strickland, of Southington, about five I years ago, on account of very poor health, ! started for Australia. He went thence wita i a P art Y of thirteen to the island of New i Guinea > seeking gold, and until a few days : ago nothing was heard from him, and it was ; believed that he was dead. Mr. Strickland, ! of Southington, has just received a letter ! dated February 8, at Paramatta, a small island near Australia. It seems that after reaching the interior of the island they were captured by the savages, who are cannibals and still eat human flesh. From time to time eight of the company were roasted and eaten. For some reason not stated the remaining five were spared, and in some way contrived to escape, and this was the first opportunity Mr. Strickland had of sending information home. He wrote it was impossible to put on paper the sufferings he had endured during that time, or the fearful experiences which had befallen him. He expects to return home during the summer. The following odd advertisement is from a Roman paper : "A gentleman suffering from ennui invites a lady, married or single, to breakfact or dine with him, without cere mony, once a week. If desired, he promises as a gentleman to keep the secret. If the acquaintance should ripen into affection, all the better. Ladies in want of dinner may apply to-, Rome."