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FISK BROS. Publishers. B. E. HSK,......Editor. THURSDAY, JANUARY 7, 1886. THE NEW YEAR. The opening of a new year is regarded somewhat like the advent of a new prince to the throne. It is an occasion of rejoicing and high hopes. It is right that it should be so, for without hope very little good work can or will be done. What will the new year bring and do for the world, for the United States, for Montana, for each of us indi vidually? These are wide and interest ing subjects for speculation. Will it be a year of war or of peace? While there are plenty of possibilities of war in Kurope, Asia and Africa, we think it will generally be a year of peace. The union of the Bulgarias has been effected. The French are tired of wars of aggres sion. England has just annexed Bur mah, and her people will be content in the present division of parties to avoid trouble with Russia. There may be some fighting in Egypt, but the idea of re covering the Soudan is given up. The ime has not come for dismembering Turkey and dividing up the reminants of its European possessions. America is everywhere at peace and there is no threat of war within or from without. Will it be a year of health or pesti lence ? The seeds of cholera are widely spread in Europe and there is danger that cholera will resume its march and deadly work, but with the ample warn ing and no little attention to sanitary work and the general advance of medi cal skill and intelligence among the peo ple that will induce them to take precau tions, we think there need not be fears of as much death as occurred in Spain the year past. Will it be a year of destructive storms, famine or financial disaster? The pros pect is that in all these respects the next year will be an improvement over the . la-t. The winter thus far has been un- | usually mild and the promise is good for , the usual harvests, with a goodly surplus , to start in with. The past year, in fact j several years, have been characterized by unusual storms on land and water. The | mild winter indicates the return of a less tempestuous season. The United States has already recov ered in considerable degree from com mercial depression and stagnation (»1 business, and though there are questions of internal policy that promise a lively interchange of opinions, we are satisfied that business and confidence will show a rapid improvement, that railroad build ing will be resumed in a healthier shape , than ever before. There is a vast amount ! of idle or but partially employed capital that is waiting investment and will find employment. There will be no change of tariff and we do not expect to see a j suspension of silver coinage. Cleve- ! land's adminstratiou is going to be very i conservative; indeed, the condition of the j 1'resident's party and the political com- j plexion of Congress insures that fact I beyond all question. As to Montana, we can reasonably predict a considerable growth of popu- j latiou and a large increase of developed wealth. There will be a great increase of mining work, and beyond doubt manv rich disc veries, while those already opened will show and produce vastly more wealth than ever before. We may hope to see new railroad build ing, and a large increase of. our flocks and herds. It is possible that we may see our Indian reservations cut down-, and it is not beyond hope that we may see Montana admitted as a Mat*- along with Dakota. The great question of how great will be our development as a lerritory de pends principally upon what eacli Mon tanian is prepared and determined to do for himself. If our people have got over looking abroad fur help and deliv erance and have learned to rely chiefly upon themselves, there is greater cer tain: v of accomplishing vastly more than when every one is waiting for some one to come from the States to buy him out or develop the country for him. Our people are generally taking bold to do their own developing. As for Helena, she expects to see a court house completed, notwithstanding the present wrangling, that will surpass in beauty and convenience any building in all the Territories. Lot every man do ^his duty, and we may see the most prosperous year that has ever dawned upon us. A Deserted Village. The Portland Oregonian publishes the following letter, and the statement con tained respecting the deserted town is vouched for by the Walla Walla Union : Okanogan, W. T., Dec. 1,1885. Friend Beeckek:— On my way here I overtook a man who was shipwrecked on the Columbia. He told a great story al»ont a deserted town he and some other men found about 500 miles from the Little Dalles. They found it up a little stream There were two billiard tables in one saloon and one in another, and a postotlice with letters in it. The letters were dated back in 1850. In fact there were twenty six stores and everything in them now. lie said bis partner was on his way to Spokane, and you find out if that is so. He told me where to go up that stream and find about thirty cents to the pan. He had some of the gold with him, and he told me a very straight story, but I can't quite take it in. He said the British Columbia papers would have something about it. So you keep your eyes open, and if it is so I have got a good pointer. Your friend, K. J. WATKINS. BECK'S 8PEECH. tion or individual which cannot be legally and honorably discharged by the payment of the present standard silver dollar. And the Senator well ask$ the [>er tinent question: "What right has Congress to deprive the debtor of that The substance and scope of the speech of Senator Beck, delivered in the Senate December 23d, was very dimly outlined in the telegraphic reports, but the East ern papers now at hand give it in full and show it to be a much abler and in cisive document than the reports led us to suspect. Every man in the country ought to read it, and when he has read it we will warrant that there will not be one, aside from the bondholders, who will hesitate to endorse all that he says in defense of the entire justice and abso lute good faith that the government would adhere to in paying off every bondholder, both his principal and interest, in standard silver dollars of the same weight and fineness as it stood July J4, 1870, when Congress passed the law' that the principal and interest should be pain in coin. Before that date the principal of our national debt was pay able in legal tender currency, the same money that the original purchasers paid for the bonds, and when greenbacks were only worth 50 cents on the dollar. When bonds that were bought for paper money were promised to be paid for in coin, the bondholders realized a profit of hundreds of millions. They ought to be satis fied with the enhancement thus given, and it is entirely unjust and unreason able that they should now ask either the suspension of silver coinage or the in crease of siver in the coined dollar. The government made no express or implied promise that it would retain either the price of gold or silver at the price it then stood in the markets of the world. It simply promised 'to pay in coin as the law then fixed the standard. There is no court in the world that would not so find and hold to be the law. Nor did the Irfw give the bondholder the option to demand whatever coin he might prefer. The promise of the bond and the law' is just as fully, legally and sacredly kept when the government tenders in pay ment of interest or the principal of its called bonds coiued silver of the same standard as existed in lSDA As Beck says, "There is not an out standing obligation of the United States, nor of any State, municipality, corpora right by adding more silver to the coin than he agreed to pay, or by stopping its coinage so that he cannot obtain it? It is as palpable a violation of a contract to increase the obligation of the debtor as it is to impair or reduce the standard value of the coin which the creditor stipulated in his contract should be paid him.'' Suppose our public debt to be a Idl , lion and a half: It is now payable in ! standard silver [dollars. If we should undertake to pay it in gold alone at the present market rates it would increase that public debt by more than thirty j millions of dollars. It would be just ! that much of a gratuity to the bond i holders neither required by law or any j considerations of justice and good faith. j Congress represents the people of the I nation, and every one of them, bond j one of holders and all, are included among those who owe this debt, while the land holders alone can be interested in the change of the contract. There can be little question that Congress should con sider the interests of the whole people in preference to a part, no matter how worthy and deserving the bondholders are. The law requires that the coin paid for duties shall be set apart as a special fund, and shall be applied to the pay ment in coin of interest on the bonds and notes of the United States, and next to the purchase or payment of one per cent, of the entire debt each fiscal year, and only after these two duties have been performed shall the residue be paid into the treasury. There has not been even a pretense of observing this law. Only a little over one per cent, of the duties is paid in gold and one-tenth of one per cent, in silver coin. The great bulk is paid in about equal proportions in gold and silver certificates and in greenbacks. As there is no pretense of obeying the law in collecting duties, so there is no pretense of setting apart the coin that should thus be received as a special fund to pay interest and reduce the national debt. There is complaint that coined silver is accumulating in the treasury. Whose fault is it ? Every dollar of interest falling due is payable in coiued silver just as much as in coined gold. Why not pay it out ? Then again the law requires the pay ment of at least one per cent, of the principal of our debt in each fiscal year, and that could be paid in coined silver as well as gold. Every dollar of silver that is required under the present law to be coined might be paid out under standing legal provisions and there is no need of any accumulating in the treasury. If silver were paid for interest or called bonds, it could at once be rede posited and silver certificates taken therefor and these could be used for every purpose that gold or gold certifi cates subserve in this country. It is the Secretary of the Treasury's fault entirely that silver accumulates in the treasury, and he is the last man in the country that ought to complain of a difficulty that he creates and could abate —one that never would exist if he obeyed the law. Y is urged that payment of interest and called bonds in silver would reduce the premium on our bonds. Well, what if it should ? Those who have sold or bought them on representations that they are only payable in gold, have only deceived themselves, and the gov ernment is not bound to maintain the delusion, and is in no way interested to keep up the premium on its bonds, which it will soon have to buy when the three per cents are exhausted. ' We have only referred to iwo or three of the strong points made by Senator Beck. It would take more space than we command to do justice to all of it. ENGLISH ESTATES. The fashionable rage for Americans to connect themselves with the heirship of some great English estate proves the truth that Barnum enunciated so boldly and practiced upon so successfully, "that men liked to be humbugged," for no greater humbug ever was devised than these claims to vast English estates. Our late English Minister, Lowell, was so deluged with correspondence on this subject that he designated Mr. Henry White, one of the secretaries of the legation, to look the matter up thor oughly. He has done so and has sent to the President a full report, which has been transmitted to Congress and will no doubt be printed and distributed, so that every expectant heir can learn the attenuated basis on which his hopes have rested for a vast fortune. But it is not necessary to await the publication of this report. Tnere is no secrecy about its contents. The substance in brief is this, that there is not a single vast un- j settled or doubtful estate in England in j any way, shape or form, from which j American heirs have a ghost of a remote | possibility to receive a single dollar. | Sometimes these estates consist of money i in the Bank of England. But the chief j accountant of that bank informed Mr. White that there are no amounts stand- j ing on the books of that institution of j unclaimed stock or dividends of more than £1,200. There is no great estate locked up there that the bank officials know anything about. The general location, however, of these great mythical estates is the Eng lish court of Chancery. But that bub ble is disposed of by the general state ment that the entire fuuds in the custo dy of that court do not exceed £84,000, 0000, and of that entire amount the owners and heirs are well known resi dents of England, to all except pos-ibly JLT ,000,000. By the English statute of limitations all claims to real estate lapse to the gov ernment in 30 years and of personal property, in 20 years. So that there is not a plausible foothold for a hope that a single one of the great estates so of ton mentioned can be anything more than a phantom. Among such myths the report espe cially mentions the "Jennen's estate," the "Hedges estate," the "Bradford es tate," the "Hyde estate," and others. In fact the whole of them without an exception may be safely asserted to ne pure myths, and the thousaud.8 of dollars yearly drawn from the pockets of credu lous Americans is part of a systematic blackmailing scheme of the flimsiest sort. The Inter-Ocean of the 28th inst., pub lishes in full a reply of Hugh J. Campbell 'to Senator Vest's speech in the Senate. It is a much abler and more gentlemanly pro duction than Vest's speech and contains ! ample evidence that Campbell is much j better fitted for a senatorial seat. Camp bell shows from the decision of a Démo cratie Supreme Court, when Taney was Chief Justice, that it would be revolution ary in Congress to refuse admission to a new State that had complied with the constitutional requirements. Instead of the people of Dakota being revolutionary iu their methods, they have no less than seven safe precedents for the course they have taken and the best of Democratic au thority that Vest and those who act with him are the revolutionists. The case of Iowa is cited to show that even in the matter of fixing the boundaries of the new State, the people of the State have the best right to speak, aud their decision should be respected. The Democratic House may prevent the admission of Dakota, but it i will go tar to make the next House Re- j publican. Aiid even alter the admission had been voted by both Houses the Presi dent might veto the act and defer the matter till another Presidential election, but such high handed and unjust proceed ing would go far to defeat the Democracy in a national election. C. R. Pollard, Esq., successor to Judge Coburn, is in the city and will probably sit with Chief Justice Wade and Associate Justice Galbraith during the Supreme Court term which convenes here on Mon day next. Whether Mr. l'ollard will re main for any considerable length of time on the Federal Bench of Montana seems somewhat in doubt, strong objections hav ing raised by India'nians to his confirma tion. It appears from newspaper and other reports reaching the Territory from Indiana and Washington that Pollard is distasteful to his party, and influential Democrats have petitioned for his rejection by the Senate. According to the Indian apolis Time s Pollard has l>een twice de feated for Circuit Judge by a Republican in a strong Democratic district, "the last time by over 700 majority. "He is repre sented," says the Times, "as a man of limited legal education and as possessing no qualification for a judgeship." Senator Harrison is said to have a bundle of pro tests from Democrats of the Tenth Con gressional district applying to Pollard's case. The appointment is further compli cated by the demands of Judge Coburn's friends for a fall and complete hearing in the matter of his suspension from office. A happy new yeak to all our friends, old and new. [For the Herald.] New Year's. j j j | | i j j j ! have a sentimental desire for a better life ; j how few are willing to pay the cost of a BEV. F. D. KELSEY. New is it to many of us, simply because it is another year ; we expect 1886 to be as the years already gone, and in that sense it will not be new. The same toils and cares, the same studies and duties ; the same vexations and sins, weaknesses and errors will ba repeated—the waters may change bat it is the same mnddy Missouri, which flows on to the sea of eternity : essentially it*ib not a new year, only a continuation of the old past life. And yet many are they who, at New Year's tide, declare "The time past of oar life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lasts, excess of wine, revel lings, banquetings and abomnible idola tries," and, like the prodigal son, when "he came unto himself," said, "I will arise and go unto my father," or, "I will now turn over a new leaf and be a true and better man." Yet some will say, "Pshaw, what's the use of making resolutions ? A month from now all of them will be broken." But hold! not so first; take one proposition at a time. 1. "What is the use of making reso lutions?" Well, one answer may be, if you be a man with any sort of manhood left in you, you cannot help making good resolutions. There is an instinct within every man which impels him to torn over a new leaf and try to do better ; that in stinct is a relict of the human nature before the fall. It is a tremendous witness to the image of God in which man was cre ated. Another answer is, that if a man never tries be surely will never succeed. And never is time better than New Year's to begin a nobler life. 2. Will all New Year's resolutions be quickly broken ? So say many, but it is not true. Men are weak ; poor human nature and will are very frail, but frail as is human nature it is not so low down as to be totally with out executive ability. Thousands do an nually turn from their wicked ways, turn ing over a new leaf, making and keeping their good resolutions. The Bible holds out to any man who will try for it the promise of spiritual assistance in right doing. Any man who will seek for Him may find God's Holy Spirit to aid, guide, inspire and lead him into right and safe paths. Besides which, the Bible is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. "Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way ? By taking heed thereto, accord ing to Thy word." And when a man turns his back upon all sinful paths and com panionships and seeks new paths and Christian friends, having completely "crossed the Rubicon," he will find the ; new companionships great helps to a better life, but he cannot serve God and Mam mon ; he cannot ride both worlds at once, and be a Christian and a man of this giddy, frivolous world at the same time ; he must choose whom be will serve. But whenever a man has made an absolute surrender of himself, saying, "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord," all things become comparatively easy, as then he ha" an eye single to the glory of God. One of the greatest scientists once replied when asked how he could accomplish so much, "By always thinking to it." Bo when a man says he gives his thought to it; his heart and sonl, his might and prayer to a better life, a better life will he live, spite of all the difficulties in the way. It has been said by some of recent date that men are as good as they really want to be ; much truth is in the saying. Many better life ! Would you bave a Happy New Year? Then "Yield yourselves unto God as those that are alive from the dead." "Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not into the way of evil men." i j The "holiday issue" of the Independent contains an essay from one of our city doc tors on diphtheria, a desertation from Nick Monshausen on the court house, a contribu tion irom an old timer, a tax table and some very fair notices about our business houses. Altogether it was a very big job for our venerable cotemporary to tackle, but it got away with it. The Herald issues a "holiday number" of handsomer proportions and of immensely more im portance every week in the year. The old year goes out with a tempera tnre better suited to the holiday season. We bid adieu to 18 <5 with many lingering regrets. It has been a stormy, disastrous year to the world in general, but Montana has been specially spared aud abundantly prospered._ Thought to be Leprosy. Lansing, Iowa, January 2. —It is au thoritatively stated there exists near the village of Spring Grove, Houston county, Minn., near this place, a large number of cases of leprosy. The afilicted persons are all Scandinavians. The lirst case which appeared was upon the person of an old man, and was at first thought to be measles, as red spots appeared all over his body* Later he was seized with cxcrutiating pains in his limbs and the extremities be gan to wither. This continued and the epidermist began to scale off, and now there is but a semblance of skin over the body that retains its flesh, and the limbs bave withered and dryed until the fingers and toes seem like sticks and seem ready to drop oil'. This disease also exists in three other families, all related. The physicians from Decorah say that it is imported and perhaps contagious. The National Complaint. Djspepsia is the national complaint. Almost every other man or woman you meet has it, and the result is that the number of pseudo-remedies for it is as numerous as Pharaoh's host. They are for the most part worthless. There is, how ever, a searching eradicant of this distressing and obdurate malady, one whose genuine merits long since raised it to a foremost place among the staple medicines of America. Hostetter's Stom ach Bitters extirpates dyspepsia with greater certainty and promptitude than any known remedy, and is a most genial invigorant, appe tizer and aid to secretion. These are not empty assertions, as thousands of our countrymen and women who have experienced its effects are aware, but are backed up by irrefragable proofs rvpeatedly laid before the public. The Bitters also promote a regular habit of body and give a healthful stimulus to the urinary organs. djan2-4-€jtwjan7 1 : Bill Wy« th« Harwhelfc [Chicago Dally New«.] ■ Hudson, Wis., Nov. 18.—Protably A.m have done more to promote knowled^ and advance the interests of astrono y pecially, than Sir John Herschel and Sir William Herschd, deceased Sir John was bom at Slough, near Wind «or, in the state of England, March 7, • He breathed the very air of science at once and yearned to acquire knowledge, fitted himself for the fatiguing and exlmus ing labors of scanning the sky an out the history, location and habits ^In 1828 his attention was attrac^ toward Margaret Brodie, the daughter of thei Rev Dr. Alexander Stewart. It was abo time that he began to sit up nights and rum mage the heavens. He never 8°t In 1829 he married Margaret, but he tinued to sit up nights, and nothing ti him more than to ramble through the track less void to watch the antics of his or to follow a skittish comet through space trying to put salt on its little tail. In 1825 he began the stupendous task of getting out a catalogue and price list of au the stars. No one who has never tried it can possibly realize fully the extent of this last Not only that, but the most of it bad toro done at night. And yet he never murmured. He catalogued between three and four tnou sand double stars, and also passed in review the nebulae discovered and catalogued > s father. While others slept he labored on. While the giddy throug poured into the hails of pleasure, or sought out the lawn socia e r Sir John, with his forty-foot telescope and a ten-foot pole over his shoulder, would start out to investigate the trackless void, inus he became familiar with the manners a~d customs of the planets, and felt perfectly at home in the sky. He knew at a glance whether a planet was wobbly or not. He could at once detect it if an orb got sprung. He had it down fine. No one dared adul terate the milky way while Sir John ha c charge of the stars. _ In 1847 he published the result of his ob servations from the Cape of Good Hope, cov ering the four years from 1834 to 1838. Thes< were: I. Nebulae, aud what to do for them n. Double stars and their habits. III. Ap parent size of stai-s, or how they look to i> man up a tree. 15 . Distribution of stars, c why early astronomers soured on the milk? ▼ ay. V. Halley's celebrated confet, wit. appendix treating of bob-tail comets; alv. hints about shyiug comets, aud how to evade a new-laid meteor. 5 I. Satellites of Saturn. VII. Solar sjxits, aiid how to- remove them without injury to the sun. There is on- thing that the Herschels neg lected, and I would like to call the attention of philanthropists and astronomers to it. I am a philanthropist myself, but I have not been successful in that line, owing to a lack of meaus. So I wish that those who want to do a kind act, and have the ability as well a3 the desire, would investigate the case of the gentleman who generally stands in the middle of the zodiac on the first page of the almanac. We are likely to have a long, cold winter very soon, aud no man ought to die from exposure iu au enlightened laud where the rest of us have all the clothes we need. Be sides, this man seems to l>e seriously injured, and, though I am not at all familiar with surgery, it seems to me that he ought to Ite sewed up. He ought to wear a vest, anyway, if he wants to preserve his health. Who will be the first to send in a vest! Bill Nye. He Took Whisky. [Rig Horn Sentinel. ] A nobby and snobbish milord of British ex traction traveled from Big Horn with us aud Abe Idelmau on the stage coach early this week. Milord was excessively exclusive. He wouldn't be sociable, aud spoke to no one ex cept the two "John Henry" servants he had w-ith him, ami was altogether as unpleasant as his snobbishness could make him. At a dinner station there were a lot of jolly cow boys on a lark, and one of them, "treating" everybody, asked the Englishman to drink. Of course milord haughtily refused. The cowboy displayed a dangerous looking six shooter, ami very impressively insisted ou his drinkiug. "But 1 cawn't, you kuow; I don't drink, you know," was milord's reply. Mr. Cowboy brought the muzzle iu dangerous proximity to the kuot in which milord's brains were supposed to lie hidden somewhere, and then lie said he'd drink—he'd take soda water, you know. "Soda water nutliin'," said Mr. Cowboy. "You'll take straight whisky." "But, aw, this American whisky, I cawn't swallow it, you kuow." "Well," said the cowboy, "I'll make a holo in the side of your head so that we can pour it in," and he began to draw on milord, am] milord said: "Aw, that'll do, 1 11 drink it." Then the cowboy invited milord's servants to drink, which horrified' him. "They don't drink, you kuow," he said. "Well, we'll see whether they do or not," said Mr. Cowboy. "The chances are you don't give 'em a hop portunity. Come up here, you fellows, aud guzzle;''ami the two John Henrys, with a little show of reluctance, but really glad to get a drink, came up, and the cowboy passed a tumblerful of torchlight procession whisky for milord, and the servants poured for them selves. Then the cowboy made the John Henrys clink glasses with milord, aud all drank, and there was great fun. Milord tried after that to be very jolly, and the stimulant assisted him decidedly. But iu the coach he fell back into his exclusiveness, aud retained it throughout, and has probably got it yet. Melting a Tramp's Heart With Kindness. [Atlanta Constitution.] He had stopped at a cozy looking cottage ami rang the door bell, and asked the servant who answered for something to eat. tShe stated that she would summon her mistress. The latter soon appeared and found the tramp grazing on the narrow border of grass which lined the flower lieds of the front yard. "Why, what are you doing?" she asked. "I'm hungry, mum, for I ain't had nothin' to eat for three days." "But do you eat grass?" "Yes'in, when I ain't got nothin' else." "Poor fellow, you must be hungry. Can I help you ?" "Yes'm, you could, if you'd give me some thing to eat.. The grass is mighty short down there." "I will help him," remarked the sympathiz ing little wife to the servant, as each wiped a tear from her eyes, and continuing, said: "Jane, take the poor fellow in the back yard—the grass is so much taller there." Violating His Contract. iNew York Sun. I "Pa," said Bobby, who had been allowed to sit up a little while after dinner, with the distinct understanding that he was to ask no foolish questions, "can God do everything?" "Yes." "Can He make a two-foot rule with only one end to it?" "One more question like that," said the old man, "and you will be packed off to bed." ' They All Forgot. [Harper's Bazar ] "Gent«," shouted a sriall boy, as he poked his head into a Fourth i renne street car, "did you mail that letter your wife gave you thin morning?" And six men simultaneously pulled the bell rope aud kwriedly left the A Suggest.™ for the fashionable Girl. [Norristown Herald.] A Georgia hen has laid an egg shaped like a dumb-bell, and a fowl in this state has evolved an egg a.' flal as a plate, ornamented with filigree work. Now tha- hens have em barked in th? business of decorative art— j laque painting, etc., it ls feared that the fashionable girl's occupation will soon be gone—though she might assist her mother to perform her household and culinary duties— an art in which she need apprehend no com petition from the enterprising hen. He Could Take Care ol Himself. [Chicago Herald.] "I admit I'm pretty green," said a passen ger from Freeport, "but I guess I can take care of myself. 1 have just been spending a few days and a few nights in Chicago seeing the sights, and I've seen 'em. Here I am, on my way home, safe and sound, and with my purse in my pocket, though I'v* had some narrow escapes. Night before last I wandered down on Third avenue. Don't know how I happened to be down there, but there I was. Just wandering around looking at the sights. Pretty soon I noticed three men following me. That scared me, but 1 kept my wits about me, all the same. 1 looked for a policeman, but of course 1 couldn't see any. I was about to cut and run for it, but as I looked back I saw the fel lows coming for ma An idea struck me, and I turned quickly and walked toward them. Before they could do a thing or saj a word I exclaimed : " 'Will you please give me ten cents to gei a night's lodging withr" "You ought to have seen the look of dis gust that came on those fellows' faces ai they swore at me and walked off. Yet at that very minute I had down here in my pants pocket the money I had got for six car loads of hogs. I know I'm mighty green, but I guess I can take care of myself." Practical Hints Concerning Dancing. [Life.] One arm is enough to put anm nd the lady at oue time; the ambidextrous position known in the west as the "double hug" is neither refined nor pleasing to the eye. Nor is it necessary ; the young lady will not try to get away until the music stops, if her partner is respectably skillful. You will notice, sometimes, at firemen's balls, that some of the gentlemen hold their partners much as if they were hose. That is not the way; the men that keep them at a distance, as if they were the fire, are nearer right. Do not squeeze the young lady while danc ing. The snapping of ribs around a hall room irritates the musicians. While avoiding undue compression o-f yoar partner, do not allow her to ferget that you are there. Unless your rudder has been tem porarily unshipped, it is your duty to steer. If she will not allow you to do so. it is projier to ask her to take you to your mother. It is in this country the lady's privilege to stop waltzing when she is tired. The man may keep on until she stops. If he has a pedometer in his trousers pocket he should not look at the dial until after he has taken her to her seat. To pull it out at the end of a long waltz and announce the miles is bad form. Equally ill-ored it is to mop the brow ostentatiously and say, "Gosh!" Slaking Up a Shortage. [New York Star.] "Just to think of it," he growled, with dis gust written on every line of his face. "I was coming out of St. Louis the other day, and the car l»eing crowded I gave half my seat to a demure little widow." "How do you know she was a widow?" "She told me so. She said she was awfully afraid of being robbed, aud knowing by my face that I was an honest man she wanted me to take charge of her ]x>rtmounaie until we reached Chicago." "And you did!" "Am I not a fool? Yes, I did, and as she passes 1 it over she sweetly said : " 'There's exactly *00 in it.' "We rode to Chicago without leaving our seats. As wp ran into the city I handed her the purse. She ojiened it and counted the money. " 'Why, there isn't but $50 here!' she said, as she looked up at me. " 'But I haven't taken any.' " 'Well, I am $40 short as you see. Per haps you can explain it to the police.' " "And what did you do?" "I gave her the $40, of course. Please kick me a few hundred times." The Only Kgg Anthracite Coal Mine in the Country. [Chicago Black Diamond.] "Quit farming, Jim? I thought you were down in southern Illinois?" "So I was. but I sold out last week." "Didn't you like it?" "O, yes, well enough; but I had too good a chance to get out at a profit. I was digging r well for watering stock iu oue of the fields, ft-'d harl got it dow n about thirty feet. One day I let up on the job to go to town and haul home my house coal for the winter. I was nearly home with a big load when the horses got frightened and ran away, turning through the gate into the field where that well was. I jumped, just in time, as the wagon w ent over on its side, shooting about two tons of anthracite down that hole."' "But how did that help you sell the farm?" "Why, don't you see—it salted a claim of the biggest kind! I hauled the wagon away and let on I'd really been digging for coal all the time, ami had struck it rich ! I sold the farm to a neighbor for $5,000 more than 1 gave for it He thinks he's got the only sc reened egg an thraeite coal mine in the country! He's get ting up a company now to follow the vein !" at A Chestnut's Growth. [The Judge.] ORIGINAL, 120.) B. C. "And about this time there came up from the land of Niddimus one Sharpset. who we« notiii for his tales, whereby all things wer« marvelously magnified, and who asserted be fore many that in the land of Niddimus he had with a single arrow shot seventeen hares at one shot. With that there spake up on« Joakin. who said: 'Then must our brother have blazed away at a wig. ' Whereat all laughed." tue year A. I). "Some cavaliers of the Moorish persuasion sat drinking th? wines of Castile on the bal cony of the Alhambra, when one said: T was walking the other day through the groves of the Guadaiquiver as seventeen hares sprang from a thicket and fieri ely co i fronted me. I hail no arms but my Win ehester rifle, but I fearlessly fired and slew them all.' 'Bv my halidom,' quoth th ■ Prince Catchemquiek, 'then must thou have A\ inchestered into thy lady's switch.'" the year 1770 A. D. ^'George Washington and John Hancock were dining together at Delmonico's, when George said: T cannot tell a lie. Hancock. Yesterday, while walking about Mount Ver non with only my revolver in my hand, 1 came upon a colony of hares. I fired and killed seventeen.' 'I' faith, George,' re sponded John, gravely, 'thee must have shot thine own wig.' " THE YEAR 1885 A. D. "An eminent sportsman was boasting his skill, And was 'going it,' too, pretty hot. He swore on his honor that once on a time He hit seventeen hares with one shot. But a friend standing by rose up in his wrath And exclaimed 'That the statement's too big; We can't swallow it, sir. unless you'll admit You were shooting that day at your wig." The Poet Md the Donkey. [Robt. J. Buriîette.] Robert Browning anil his sister recently walked seven miles in Italy rather than ride on a donkey. If the donkey was one of the "Wild West" combination the Browning heads were level. Or, if they were expected both to ride the same donkey at a time, they rightly divined the signs of the times. Or, if the donkey was one of the feeble kind that you have to lead one-half the time anti carry the oth >r half, they did right not to ride him. Or, if he was a slow donkey, and they had to pay the interest on him hourly in ad vance, they did the proper thing. Or, if he was a razor-back, and they had to ride him bareback, they were sensible to ride on foot In fact, there are half a hundred things about the donkey that we want to know before we give the Brownings credit for being any smarter than lots of people who don't know an auaoest from a microbe WOMAN'S WONDERFUL INFLUENCE. Bill Vyn Meets One Who Has Mad« Matrimony a Study. r»w York Mercury.] "Woman wields a wonderful influence over man's destinies," said Woodtick William, the other day, as he breathed gently on a chunk of blossom rock and then wiped it carefully with the tail of his coat "Woman in most cases is gentle and long suffering, but if you observe her close for several consecutive weeks you will notice that she generally gets there with both feet "I've been quite a student of the female mind myself. I have, therefore, had a good deal of opportunity to compare the everedge man with the everedge women as regards ketchin' on in our great general farewell journey to the tomb. "Woman has figgered a good deal in my own destinies. My first wife was a large, powerful woman, who married me before I hardly knew it. She married me down near Provost, in an early day. Her name was Lorena. The name didn't seem to suit her complexion and phizzeek as a general thing. It was like calling the fat woman in the museum Lily. "Lorena was a woman of great strength of purpose. She wm also strong in the wrists. Lorena was of foreign extraction, with far away eyes and large, earnest red hands. You ought to have saw her preserve order during the hour for morning prayers. I had a hired man there in Utah, in them days, who was inclined to be a scoffer at our piaiu home made style of religion. So I told Lorena that I was a little afraid that Orlando Whoop enkangh would'rise up suddenly while I was at prayer and spatter my thinker all over the cook stove, or create some other ruction that would cast a gloom over our devotions. "Lorena said: 'Never mind,William. You are more successful iu prayer, whilo I am more successful in disturbances. You go on with your petition, and I will preserve order.' "Lorena saved my life once iu a singular manner. Being a large, powerful woman, of eourse she no doubt preserved me from harm a great many times ; but on this occasion it was a clear case. "I was then sinking on the Coopou claim and had got the prospect shaft down a couple of hundred foot and was drifting for the side wall with indifferent sucee-s. We was work ing a day shift of six men, blasting, hysting and a little timbering. I was in charge of the crew and eastern capital was furnishing the ready John Davis, if you will allow me that low term. "Lorena aud me had been a little edge ways for several da vs owing to a little sassy remark made by her and a retort on my part in which I thoughtlessly alluded to her brother, who was at thabtime serving out a little term for life down at Canyon City, ami who, if his life is still spared, is at it yet. "If I wanted to make Lorena jump nine feet high aud hollow, all I hail to do was jest to allude in a jeering way to her family record. So she got madder amli madder, till at last it ripened into open hostility, and about noon ou the 13tb day of September lorena attaeked me with a large butcher knife and drove me into the adjoining county. & Ai/ » Y ü m v/A She drove me into the adjoining county. "She told me also that if I ever returned to Provost she would cut me in two right be tween the pancreas and the watch pocket and feed me to the hens. "I thought if she felt that way about it I would not return. I felt so hurt and so grieved about it that I never stopped till I got to Omaha. Then I heard how Lorena. as a means in the hands of Providence, hal saved my unprofitable life. "When she got back to the bouse aud had put away her butcher knife, a man came rushing in to tell her that the boys had struck a big pay streak of water, aud that the whole crew iu the Coopou was drowned, her husband among the rest. "Then it dawned on Lorena how she had saved me, and for the first time in her life she burst into tears. People who saw her said her grief was terrible. Teal's are sail enough when shed by a man, but when we see a strong woman bowed in grief, we shudder. "No one who ha« never deserted his wife at her urgent request can fully realize the pain and anguish it costs. 1 have been married many times since, but the sensation is just the same to-day as it was the first time I ever deserted my wife. "As I said, though, a woman has a won derful influence over a man's whole life. If I hal a chance to change the great social fab: ic any. though. I should ask woman to be more thoughtful of her husband, and, if possible, less severe. I would say to woman, te a man. Rise above these petty little tyrannical ways. Iu«h ad of asking your husband what he does with every cent you give him, learn to trust him. Teach him that you have confidence iu him. Make him think you have, anyway, whether yon have or not. Do not trek to get a whiff of his breath every ten minutes to see whether he has been drinking or not. If you keep doing that you will sock him into a drunkard's grave sure pop. He will at first lie about it, then he will use disinfectants for the breath, and then he will stay away till he gets ovei it. The timid young n an says, 'Pass th * cloves, please. I've got to get ready to go home pretty soon.' The man whose 'rife really ha« fun with him says, 'Well, boys, good' night. I'm sorry for you.' Tuen he goes home. . "Yerv few men have had the opportunities for observation iu a matrimonial way that 1 have, William. You see, one man judges all the wives in Christendom by his'a Another does ditto, and so it goes. But I have made matrimony a study. It has been a life work for me. Others have simply dabbled into it. I have studied all its phases and I am an ex pert. So I say to you that woman, in one way or another, either by strategy aud win din' ways or by main strength and awk wardness, is absolutely sure to wield an all fired influence over poor, weak men, aud while grass grows and water runs, i»ardner. you will always find her presiding over man'i destinies and bis ducats. Bill Ny k The Young Idea. [Harper's Bazar.] A little toy who was told that the tiny baby sister he was bending over had coma from heaven, looked at her awhile, and then said, softly, "Please t .*11 us all about heav m, naby, before you forget it. ' Where Common Sense Is Needed. [Boston Transcript.] She has th° last word. "Oh. dear! ex claimed Mrs. F.. after vainly endeavoring to pour hot water out of the empty teakettle, "how did I for,tt to fill it. I wonder! I'm getting tu b*a perfect simpleton. I wish 1 did have a little common sense. ' "But my dear." interrupt d Fogg, ".«upi>os:' you had. Do you think you'd know what to do with it?"' -Do with it!" echoed Mr-. F. ; "many thing«. I might want to be married again, you know, and it might save me from making