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i Volume xxi. Helena, Montana, Thursday, March io, 1887. No. 15 <fl)fiLlccltl»^jcraliI. R. E. FISK D. W. FISK. ft. J. FISK, Publishers and Proprietors. Largest Circulation of any Paper in Montana Rates of Subscription. WEEKLY HERALD: One Year, (in iwlvance).............................S3 00 Six Months, (In advance)............................... 1 75 Three Months, (in advance)..........................■ I 00 When not j>aid for in advance the r»*e will he Four Dollars per year| Postage, in all cases, Prepaio. DAILY HERALD: City Bubscribers.delivered by carrier SI .00a month One Year, by mail, (in advance)................. |9 00 Six Months, by mail, (in advance)............... 5 00 Three Months, by mail, (in advance)........... 250 If not paid in advance, Î12 per annum. *4~AU communications should be addressed to FISK BKOH., Publisher:!, Helena, Montana. IVOtl.D HE UETl K.X. ggS™"" Would we return If once the gates which close upon the past Were opened wide for us, and the dear Remembered pathway stretched before us clear To lead us back to youth's lost land at last. Whereon life's April shadows lightly cast Recalled the old sweet days of childish fear With all their faded hopes and brought anear The far-off streams in which our skies were glassed ; IHd these lo*t dreams which wake the soul's sad yearning. But lived once more and waited our returning, Would we return ? Would we return If love's enchantment held the heart no more And we had come to count the wild sweet pain, The fond distress, the lavish tears—but vain; Had cooled the heart's hot wounds amidst the roar Or mountain gales, or, on some alien shore Worn out the soul's long anguish and had slain At last the dragoi of despair—if then the train Of vanished years came back, and. as of yore. The same voice called, and with soft eyes be guiling. Our lost love beckoned, through time's gray veil smiling. Would we return ? Would we return Once we had crossed to the death's unlovely land And trial the bloomless ways among the dead Lone and unhappy : after years had lied With twilight wings along that glimmering strand, If then—an angel came with outstretched hand To lead us back, and we recalled in dread How soon the tears that once for us are shed May flow for others—how like words in sand Our memory fades away—how oft our waking Might vex the living with the dead heart's breaking. Would we return— Would we return ? "King Out" all the Growlers. A miller sat in a chestnut tree. And cracked some ancient nuts for me. He said that flour was as cheap as dirt, That his bank account was badly hurt By the profitless trade of the dying year; That flour was low and wheat was dear. Ring out, my merry chestnut bell, Ring sharp and clear, and to him tell That this same tale he told before, And hid him tell it nevermore. The builder of mills, in his easy chair. To me doth often sadly swear That business to the dogs must go, If prices keep so very low; That things look darkly blue and drear, And says, "Oh, shoot the glad New Year!" Ring out, oh, trusty chestnut bell, Ring sharp and clear, and to him tell That this same tale he's told before, And bid him tell it—nevermore. Xow let me sit in mine office chair, With my good big pen and my frowsy hair, And let me write that "in eighty-seven B th millers and furnishers lind their heaven; For prices will rise and profits will grow," And then I can sa}', "I told you so." But hark ! do I hear a chestnut bell ? Xo, *t is only a card, with words that tell, As I lay it away on my dusty shelf, "Somewhat of a liar I am myself." —Xorthwestern Miller. The Chancellor's Aim. How doth the little Bizzy B Improve his waxing power. And plot against his Europee An neighbors every hour. lie buzzes here and buzzes there; Each fizzy feud to fan; When they fall out, then he falls in, And scoops what 'er he can. — O. IT. in Life. Diary of a Pious Kafir. In the last number of The Tydsehrift a "Diary of a Boer in the Kafir Commando" is published. Wo extract two consecutive en tries: "Sunday, Feb. 23. Xo Kafirs in sight. Held divine service. Frayer meeting at night —a blessed time. Monday, Feb. 24. Saw Kafirs on the bills. Commando went out and shot thirty-four, besides a number that got away wounded. Thanksgiving service in the evening on return to camp. Sang Psalm 107, and went on sentry. Shot two Kafirs." —Fall Mall Gazette. A Case of Short Haul. A seedy looking man got aboard a Chicago aud Northwestern train at Racine the other day. The train was about two miles out of Racine when the conductor came up and asked him for his ticket. "Ain't got anv, but I'm a railroad man my self." "Where do you want to go to?" "Chicago." "Well," said the good natured conductor, reaching for the bell rope, "I'll do the best 1 can for you." "Thanks, thanks. We railroad men should stand together." "Yes. We have a heavy train to day, and this is a down grade along here. I think tbs train will run about l,. r i(X) feet before it come# to a stop. I'll carry you that far with pleasure." A minute or two later the seedy looking man was jumping off into the snow." "You're very kind," he said, "to carry me even this far. But set-in's we're l>otb rail road men, }oti know, couldn't you change your mind ami take me further?" "Sorry I can't oblige you," replied the con ductor, waving a "go ahead" signal to the engineer, "but the fact is, that we have to be very particular since congress has got to passing laws governing railroads. Under the law the most I can do for you is to give you a short haul. Good day." And the train puffed on iu the direction of Chicago.—Chicago Herald. A Polite Man. "U hat a polite man Mr. Geestring, the vio linist, appears to be!" "Indeed? I hadn't noticed it." "Oh, yes; bowing and scraping all the time."—The Rambler. "Do you believe in witchcraft, Mr. Pon tonby?" asked Laura. "I was an unbeliever, Miss Laura, until I met you," responded Pon souby. DAKOTA IX WINTER. THE HOUSES KEPT TOO WARM DURING THE COOL SEASON. ! John II. licadle Tells a Number of the Characteristics of the Country and Its Inhabitants—How Land is Taken l'p. The New Claim Method. [Special Correspondence.] Huron, D. T., Feb. 15.—I have one fault to find with tho living here—they keep their houses too warm. In the far south my stand | ing complaint was that the houses were too cold. In south Georgia and Florida I never could keep warm indoors in cold weather i unless I went to bed, but I could go out and I walk myself warm any ordinary winter day. Here a well built house has double j windows, and the stove takes up j as much room as a piano else I where; and in it the blaze dieth not and the fire is not quenched day or night —especially if it is a hay burner. The con sequence is, one has to be careful of his wraps in going out doors; and I only wonder that coughs and colds are so rare. If one should go from Cuba to Canada in December, as fast as a lightning train could take him, the doc tors would call him a lunatic; yet we do worse than that many times a day. By steam coils and base burners we create an artificial climate over the whole house, then we go at one step from Cuba to Canada, from 70 degs. above to 10 degs. below outdoors. Good clothing protects the body, but w bat of the delicate lining of the nose and lungs ? All I can say is that I have not had the sign of a cold since I entered the territory, and there is less catarrh than in any eastern section I have visited. I used to think it was the thing to send invalids south in winter; lam now satisfied that the average results are not for the better, and perhaps, in the cruel kind ness of nature, it is necessary to kill off fhe weak and strengthen the strong. By and by, perhaps, civilization will reach a point where all weaklings will voluntarily give up and die for the benefit of the race; but I have per sonal reasons for being glad that it will not be so in my time. Despite the cold, immigrants are pouring into this country as if it were a section of Eden. The record of tho Huron land office is amazing. In the four years since it was established there have been located and filed on ID, 151 pre-emptions, 11,914 homesteads and 8,378 tree claims, a total of 33,443 quarter sec tions and nearly as many families, besides the rapidly growing towns. For three months the Chicago and Northwestern road brought six coaches full of immigrants daily, besides a much larger number who came on freight trains with their household stuff. It is claimed that in one season that road brought here 80,000 immigrants and prospectors. For one year two land offices of Dakota did more business than all those in the other territories and all the far west states except Kansas and Nebraska. It was the great invasion of cen tral Dakota—a "rush" not equa'ed probably in the most exciting days of California or Pike's I'eak. For a while vast tracts were taken as fast as they could be surveyed; and then whole townships were occupied by squatters in advance of tho survey, they de ciding disputed claims by lot and agreeing to stand by each other for legal location. One township fifty miles away was taken in a body by 144 squatters, one for each quarter section; and when the survey was completed they marched in as a battalion and filed. It is scarcely necessary to add that no later comers interfered with them. Beadlo county, of which Huron is the cap ital, is seven townships long and five wide, thus containing 1,200 square miles; so the land settled in this one district in four years is equivalent to seven counties like this, or about eighteen of the average in Indiana. From here to the Missouri river all tho good land at all convenient to the railroad is taken; but northwest there is much fine land yet vacant, especially in Faulk county. A branch railroad from Redfield, on the Chicago and Northwestern road, is going through that county early in the spring. Of course, every intending im migrant knows all about the pre-emption and homestead laws, but the true claim method is not so well known. To get 1G0 acres by pre-emption costs $202 in payment and fees; to get a homestead, is $18 in fees; to get a true claim the same as a homestead, with longer time and more work, but a man has a small fortune when he gets it. You must first file as for a homestead and break five acres of sod the first year. The second year cultivate that five acres and break another; the third year. plant the first five in timber, cultivate the second five and break a third, and the fourth year plant the second five; then you have filled the requirements of the law. You can plant either by seeds or cuttings; and must plow among the young trees enough to keep weeds and grass down till the trees get largo enough to shade the ground. You can make final proof and get Uncle Sam's warranty deed at the end of eight years, or any time before the end of fourteen years ; and until you do, your land is exempt from all taxes! This item alone will more than repay the cost of planting, and ten acres of timber is as lit tle as a man should plant anyhow, even if he takes homestead or pre-emption. My first impression was that this country was monotonously level ; but that is all in the eye. As a matter of fact, the James river runs in a trough from near Minne Wakau to Vermillion on the Missouri ; and though the sides of the trough rise very gradually, they rise high. For instance, this city is only 1,290 feet above tide, or GS5 feet above Chicago; but westward the country rises C00 feet in sixty miles, and eastward but little less. The summit of the divide east of here is 500 feet higher than this, while tho water level of the Missouri, at Pierre, is 190 feet higher , than the town plot of Huron. Of course the Missouri has to get down hill very rapidly to make the descent from there to Vermilion, where the James joins it; yet the James has a fall of but one foot in five miles of its course. It might be made a canal through its whole length if it were not so diseourag ingly crooked. Its crooks are all within a narrow range, however, confined to the im mediate valley and between that and the first level of the "trough" there is a considerable bluff. The summits of the dividing ridges, both east and west of here, are called cou teaus, which may be freely translated back bones. The geology is peculiar, and the paleontol ogy would set Cuvier wild. They have found so many curious things that one need not be at all surprised if they find a petrified ele phant! But I have observed that amateur geologists, as a rule, are given to finding things. The big pile of pétrifications they ex hibit here is certainly curious; but I will wait till I get farther north before deciding whether this region was raised above the cretaceous ocean 17,000.000 or on ly 1,700,000 years before Adam. Pain ful experience has made me a trifle cautious in accepting the deductions of geol ogy; and, if I am to believe, on the testimony of fossils, that there was a time when the Creator let creation run itself, and the uni verse was in a sort of cosmic delirium tre mens, I want at least to be sure of the fossils. Nobody can blame me for not changing my verdict till I have tested the witnesses. J. H. Beadle. THE COUNTERSIGN. His Honor Kecognizeil tlie Sign of a Hi-other in Distress and Made Another. He was a bearded man and his breath was redolent with cloves and gin. Once upon a time he had endeavored to train his hair into a pompadour and partially succeeded. But only partially, for one-half stood up like undying Truth, w hile the rest pointed to all directions of the marine compass. He wore a winning smile and evidently intended to captivate his honor with a glance. But his honor wasn't to be captivated and the pris oner soon found it out. Then he started off on a new tack. Laying down his hat softly, he slowly elevated his right hand to his ear and bowed three times solemnly. Then he laid his left hand on his stomach and his right hand on his head and began working them circularly. His honor put on his glasses and looked down solemnly at tho prisoner. That individual stepped backward three paces, three more to the left and back again, de scribing a triangle. In a low voice lie whis pered : "Brother, do you recognize the hailing sign?" His honor nodded and turned over a leaf on tho docket. The man at the bar then tapped his forehead three times, and elevated his arms over his head, saying: "Tho signal of distress, brother." The court merely bowed. "It will be all l ight, then?" cheerily asked tho prisoner. "I suppose I can go. And say, brother, can't you advance a brother fifty « r- fT!,, X) J1 '111 ai: ni I I lb THE HAILING SIGN. cents to relieve his immediate necessities?" His honor took off his glasses and asked: "Mr. Bebee, I recognize your signals, etcetera, but I cannot for the life of me recollect the order; so many, you know." "I am surprised, brother, greatly sur prised," remarked the prisoner. "I never knew a candidate who ever forgot his initia tion into the United Order of Benevolent Sons of Good Fellowship of tho Temple of Solo mon," and he gave the hailing sign w ith em bellishments. "Ah, yes; I had it mixed up with the An cient Order of Old Billygoats," exclaimed his honor. "Do you recognizo this sign, brother?" and he dipped his pen in the red ink and held it up." "It isn't in the ritual, is it?" asked the pris oner, as he rubbed his head. "It means, Mr. Bebee, that the court has dropped onto your little racket," sternly re plied his honor. Then picking up a blotter, he waved it in a circle and said: "Does this sign seem familiar to you!" "Don't recollect it," meekly responded the accused. "Well, as I interpret it, it means that you get three months. Now give the part ing sign to the Most Worthy Tiler and Mas ter of tho Guard at the door and pass down." THE COUNTERSIGN. And his honor waved his pen and blotter together and John Agamemnon Bebee was seized by Deputy Five and hustled down stairs. There he told the old soldier that the villain up stairs would be assassinated by the avenging angels of the U. O. of B. S. of G. F. of the T. of S., Chapter Nine, Encampment of the Ohio Valley.—Cincinnati Times-Star. A Story Writer'# Succès#. George It. Sims, the English playwright and story writer, Las received nearly $100,000 from his plays propuced in the United States during the past live years. He has an interest in a London newspaper which pays him handsomely, and his stories always command good prices from the publishers. He is now in Algiers working on a new romance. He has the peculiar faculty of being able to keep two or three sn ail serial stories going at the same time, charging from one to the other for rest—Chicago Times. The Urig it of Museum Giants. The height of all the giants are greatly ex aggerated, no me of them being eight feet high. The number of giants has greatly in creased during the past fifteen years, and, though the}* formerly earned $75 and $100 a week, the competition has reduced their wages to $25 a week. They toik of forming a trade union .—New York Star. He Saw Clear. Mr. Cranc-Fallon (the eminent exponent of palmistry)—My dear madam, your band seems to indicate that you at some period of your life experienced a great sorrow, followed by a great joy. Mr#. Nevada—How wonderfully correct. I got that scar from my first husband's razor in '49. He was trying to cut his throat, don't you know, and in spite of all I could do be succeeded.—Tid Bits. .•-a. fc A 1 n THE STEVENS BATTERY. How the Most Formidable of Ironclads Went to the Junk Shop. The suggestion is often made of late that what New York harbor needs to protect it from attack Ls a floating fortress that ca.i be moved around so as to block the constantly changing channel of the harbor or follow an enemy up to the city in ease he ran past the outer forts. There would be many ad vantages in the possession of such a fortress, though a low estimate of its cost would be $3,000,000. = __- - - - J:? ' Zir THE STEVENS' BATTERY COMPLETED. In 1841 Commodore Stevens, of New Jersey, foresaw the value of such a fortress, und urged upon congress the construction of a vessel built for that purpose and embodying some inventions of his own. He sealed his faith in the scheme by contributing nearly $1,500,000 toward the construction of it after congress had consentis! to grant $500, 000. The "penny wise and pound foolish" policy of nations is well illustrated in the history of this vessel, which is here briefly told. The Stevens' iron clad steam Latter} - , as it was called, was begun in 1S54. Her designers w-ere Robert L. and Commodore Edwin A. Stevens, of Hoboken, N. J., at which place she was built. Her dimensions were: Length, 420 feet; breadth, 52 feet; depth 28 feet, with a draft of wuter that could be varied from 17 feet to 22 feet when in an engagement. /.I a THE STEVENS' BATTERY WHEN SOLD. Her boilers numbered ten, developing 8,000 horse power, w ith eight engines to drive two independent screw propellers. Her bunkers had capacity for 1,000 tons of coal. The deck was shot proof. The inclined armor on tho sides consisted of 0% inches of iron plates backed with 14 inches of locust timber and secured to G iueh wrought iron girders. Tho Messrs. Stevens spent nearly half a million dollars on the vessel during their lives and on the commodore's death he pro vided in his w ill that the vessel should be completed, besides supplying machinery tc the value of $1,000,0)0 to perform the work. "When complete the vessel was by special act of congress to be presented to tho state of New Jersey. The state accepted the gift. The late Gen. McClellan was appointed to take charge of the work. When tho vessel was ready for launching the funds provided for its completion proved insufficient, and the state of New Jersey in 1874 ordered the vessel sold. Here was an opportunity for the na tion to secure "for a song" an ironclad w hich would have been the most formidable in the world even to this day. She was about ready for her armament. A few hundred thou sands would have purchased her, and she would have been worth as many millions to day. Did they purchase her? Nations are not so provident. She was sold for old junk, and so securely were some of her parts pul together that they had to be blasted apart. Thus do republics reward the endeavors ol their public spirited citizens. THE CAPE COD CANAL. An Improvement Projected Nearly Two Hundred Years Ago. While the feasibility of the Panama ship canal is being discussed and money is being raised for its completion, every one seems tc have entirely overlooked the fact that we have on Cape Cod a still uncompleted canal, which was really stalled in 1097, nearly two centu ries ago. Tho canal was intended as a con necting link between Buzzard s bay and Barn stable bay, thus avoiding the extremely dan gerous passage around Cape Cod. In 1883, the Cape Cod Ship Canal company was granted a charter by the Massachusetts legislature. Se veral companies, more or less theoretical, had been chartered prior to that time, but nothing practical had been accom plished. BOSTON CAPE-COD o& c °ô BAY «owl 'W BO#* MAP SHOWING PROPOSED CANAL. The present company, which is composed of wealthy merchants and business men, at once bought a mammoth dredging machine which has penetrated inland for about half a mile. By the requirements of the charter the canal must be completed by or before June 2G, of this year, and as about eight miles remain to be dredged, there is every likelihood that the charter of the company will be forfeited, unless the legislature should see fit to grant the petition, now pending, for an extension of time. The canal, when completed, will be seven ty-five feet w ide on the bottom and have a mean width of 200 feet at low water. At the turn outs, it must be 300 feet wide. These turn outs comprise one-fourth of the entire length of the canal. The depth of water is to be twenty-three feet at low tide. The machine which is doing the work of excavating cost $75,000. There are fourteen men employed on and about the machine. The dredging is done by means of an endless chain of thirty-nine buckets, driven by two steam engines of seventy-five horse power each. Five thousand cubic yards of earth can be excavated and discharged in a day of ten hours by this giant machina By using the electric light for night work the capacity may be doubled. Indian Corn in Germany. Indian corn, having very large kernels and long ears, is raised in central Germany, but a former resident of the couatry states that the farmers make no use of it except for fatten ing geese. 'CHILD OF THE Torlrait CONFEDERACY." Davis' Only s MISS DAVIS. Jefferson Daughter. Miss Vai ilia Davis has again returned to her father's .--ide at their quiet home at Beau voir, Miss., overlooking the Gulf of Mexico. Miss Davis was born in the "White House" of the Confederacy at Richmond while her father presided over the Confederate states. From her conversation it appears that she cherishes the same sentiments as her father in regal'd to the "lost cause." She regards it as a sacred theme and considers the southern people as martyrs. That she should imbibe such sentiments is no more than natural. Ever since the war she has been at her father's side, his chief support and consola tion. lie educated her personally, gave her his views of life, and fashioned her in the mold of the ante-bellum southern lady. lier trip north has doubtless given her new ideas of the spirit that animates the north. Miss Davis was received in the cities she has visited with unusual social hon ors, aiul she proved deserving of them. She is of a true s o u t h e r n type. She is just tall enough to be com manding in appear ance, and has a w illowy, grace f u 1 form, which is clad with a richness and taste that are sur prising when it is remembered that this young girl has lived all her life in the retirement of a country house. Her face is long and somewhat inclined to leanness, hut its every lineament bespeaks the patrician. Her complexion is a rich olive, her eyes hazel and her hair black and curling. She looks like a queen among women as she stands receiving her callers. It is said by those who know Miss Davis well that she helped her father considerably in the preparation of his recent history of tho war. Her studies from youth had been di rected in the line of southern war records and political history, so that when it came to pre paring the work she was a valuable assistant. Her aunt says that the old Confederate leader relied on her almost entirely in the matter of collecting and arranging statistics of the war and employed her as amanuensis most of the time while preparing the work. Nothing pleased her so much as hunting up facts and theories to defend the south and the policy of her father's administration.. Her favorite re treat at home is the big library, which con sists almost exclusively of war records and histories of the United States. Here she reads to her father several hours daily, while the fallen chieftain listens, nods and dreams of the past, it is said that he fairly dotes on his handsome child—cannot bear to let her out of his s'ght. It was only after a long struggle that he consented to her trip to Richmond and the north. She seems equally devoted to her father, for she has refused several advantageous offers of mar riage from wealthy Mississippi planters, in order to soothe his declining years by her presence. The Contest in Indiana. This is a portrait of Senator Alonzo Green Smith, of Indiana, contestant for the right to preside over the state senate. White the election of Rob ert S. Robertson for lieutenant governor was in dispute Sen ator Smith, as presi dent of the senate, claimed the right to assume the duties of the position. To maintain his posi tion he secured, through J u d g e Ayres, of the su preme court, an in junction, ■ restrain- alonzo g. smith. ing Col. Robertson, from performing any .duties of that position. The fight for the lieutenant governorship was import ant, for on it depended whether the next senator elected by the legislature would be a Republican or a Democrat. Col. Robertson appealed the case, and the remarkable feat ure of the trial before the supreme court was the appearance of Senator Harrison as coun sel for the appellant and Judge Turpie being counsel for the Democratic appellee, these be ing the rival contestants for the United States senate. At one time it was expected that both houses would adjourn to the su preme court room, hear the arguments of tho two senatorial claimants and then decide who was best fitted to represent Indiana in the United States senate. Patients for the Insane Asylum. The laws of Missouri upon the admittance of persons as patients to tho insane asylum are so lax that it is possible for a perfectly sane person to be confined among maniacs and made to suffer untold torments. So liable, indeed, are mistakes to occur that nineteen cases of the kind developed last year alone. Let us say a policeman finds a man on the street acting, as he thinks, strangely. He bustles him off in the hoodlum wagon to the station, and the fact that the prisoner swears a good deal is taken as further evi dence that he is dangerous. A health depart ment physician is summoned and examines the supjxised crazy man by talking to him through the bars of his cell. Th« man is aggrieved, and continues stubborn and vio lent in bis denunciations of the men who have made him the trouble. Tho physician is liable to think him insane, and so reports. A permit is at once made out, and the poor devil is sent to the asylum. The more he protests he is sane, the more the authorities believe he is insane. After some days of con finement, however, he is examined calmly by an expert, and found to be perfectly rational. It ought not to be so easy to get a rnan pro nounced insane. In most states it is a purely judicial function, and the judgment of insan ity is pronounced only by a court.—Secretary of Board of Health in Globe-Democrat. - j m ÿr'/A Washington's Love Letters. After Washington's death, Martha burned his love letters for fear they might fall into improper hands, and only one escaped the flames. This was written just before Gen. Washington accepted the command of the army of the revolution. It is very affection ate. He begins it with "My dearest," speaks of her in it as "My dear Patsy," and compli ments her by telling her that he would enjoy more real happiness in one month with her than he could possibly find abroad, if his stay was to be seven times seven years. In this letter he also incloses his will, with the re mark that he has no doubt that the provision for her will be an agreeable one.—Frank G. Carpenter. HOW COULD WE ARM THEM? The Serious Oticstion Presented iu Case of War. The Franco-German war cloud, together with the possibility, however remote, of trouble arising between the United States and Canada over the fisheries dispute, has had the natural effect of exciting great inter est in the various implements of modern war fare. The standard small arm of the Ameri can service is the Springfield single shot rifle, which, although an excellent weapon in its way. is nevertheless entirely unsuited to cope with the improved magazine ritte of the pres ent day. What makes matters worse is tho fact that, although foreign governments aro realizing that the American magazine guns are the liest in tho world, our own govern ment seems to evince a decided disinclination to adopt any arm of American private mann facture. It is true that in 1882, in pursuance of an act of congress orders were issued by the war department at Washington directing a test, with a view to the adoption of a suit able magazine gun for the United States ser vice. The test was a thorough one, and the THE LEE REMINGTON MAGAZINE GUN. commission reported favorably upon the Lee Remington, the Chaffee-Reece and the new Hotchkiss. Seven hundred and fifty of each of these were ordered and put into the hands of the troops. From reports received from over 100 different companies it becamo evident that the Lee-Remington was the favorite, with the new Hotchkiss a close second. A reporter called upon tho Remingtons to ask them if in case of war tho government should raise an army of half a million, what time would bo required to sup ply them with tho necessary arms. The answer was a poser. The immense Reming ton factory at Ilion, N. Y., could bo made to turn out 1,000 guns a day, but it required about six months in which to prepare for this great outfit. MAGAZINE OF TnE NEW HOTCHKISS RIFLE. But to revert to the subject. The 2,250 rifles did not suit the officers, as they stated that there was no immediate necessity for them, and they are consequently now stored and rusting away probably, no one knows where. The great point in favor of the Lee Remington is its rapidity of shooting and tho fact of its magazine being located near the trigger of the gun, thus io. nowise affecting its equipoise after the discharge of several shots. This gun has recently been adopted by the British government, while immense num liers of them are now in use in the Turkish, Chinese and other armies. The new Hotchkiss is the other new Ameri can magazine gun. It seems to possess all the advantages of the Lee-Remington weapon with the possible exception of equipose, the magazine in this arm being located in t lie stock. Both of these guns are fired by means of a bolt. In the new Hotchkiss the magazine is stationary. In the Lee-Remington it is detachable. The speed of the former is about thirty-five shots a minute, while that of tho latter is about thirty-one. But there are several other good magazine rifles of American make, and one or more of them should be adopted. The fact is, the best and most improved small arms in the world are made in America, but the United States government does not encourage enterprise in that direction. But for foreign orders Yankee gunmakers would have to go out of the business. It looks as if the United States had l etter submit to any indignity from a foreign power than engage in a contest at arms. Neithei on land or sea is she prepared for defense even, and it would require years for her to get in readiness. All Kiglit, De Soto. One day last week an old man w ith a bald head, and obviously with a drink or two stowed away in the place where a drink does an old man tho most good, boarded a Van Buren street car and looked around for a seat. Of course he found none, and, on ap pealing to the conductor, was told that he would be able to find him one by the time tho car reached Western avenue. "All right, De Soto," replied the aged pas senger. The conductor finished his fare taking and resumed his perch on the rear brake, but the old man's words kept ringing in his ears. "'All right. De Soto! All right, DeSoto!' What the thunder did he mean by that?" the conductor asked himself, and he finally became so worked up about it that ho went in and asked the old man what it was he had been giving him. "Oh," said the delighted old party, with a chuckle, "in 1S58, when the first Atlantic cable was laid, they got a few words across, you remember. One of the messages which came from Valencia, Ireland, in response to an inquiry how the wire was working, was: 'All right, De Soto.' De Soto was the opera tor's name, you know, and, by gosh, that was tho last word they did get through that old cable before she went back on'm completely. For months that was all you could hear in tliis country. It was in every man's mouth. Whenever we wanted to say that a thing was all right, when in fact it was all wrong, we'd say, 'All l ight, De Soto,' see? That was what I meant when you told me I'd get a seat at Western avenue. I know that this ear doesn't run any further, and so do you, you young scoundrel?"—Chicago Herald. One Arm No üse on a Sleigh Hide. Lucy— Why, Belle! Is it all over between you and Harry? Didn't I see you out sleigh ing last night with George? Belle—That doesn't signify anything. I preferred to go with George; that was all. Lucy—But look at the difference between the two men. George is only a clerk on a small salary. He isn't handsome. Harry is rich, he is noble looking and he adores you. Belle—Yes, and lie has only one arm. When it comes to sleigh riding, you know Lucy—Yes, yes! That's a fact. I forgot. You are quite right, dear.—Chicago Trib une. l'fenectly oegai. "George," said the senior partner to the junior in a law firm of three, "I thought you told me that Alfred had gone out of town on legal business? I understand he's down the road on a visit to a young lady." "Well, sir," said George, with an injured look, "it's not illegal to call on a young lady, I be lieve?"—Puck. COST NOTHING. Story of a Man Who Ate Ilimself Sick Derange Another l'aitl for It. A curious looking old fellow, dressed in gray "homespun," was found lying in an alley. When questioned by some one he turned over with a groan and said: "Go on away from here, now, and let me die." "Why do you want to die?" "Because I am a blamed fool. ' "Come, get up ; that's no excuse. '' "Yes, it is. Go on away, I tell you, and let me die." "Haven't you been drinking?" "No, I hain't teched a drap. Go on away and let me die, I tell you. A man that ain't got no more sense than I have ain't litten to live. It's dangerous for him to walk about." "Come, tell me what you did." With an effort and another groan he raised up, leaned back against the wall and said: "If I tell you will you go on away?" "Yes." "Wall, I'll go yo whuther or no. Early this mornin' I come inter town an' met a fel ler that I knowed. He asked me to go round an'take breakfast with him. I had dun eat breakfast, but as it wasn't no expense to me I concluded that it wouldn't do to let the vidults go to waste, so I went with him. I eat a long handled shovel full uv butter cakes and drunk four cups uv coffee, argyin* all the time that it wa'n't costin' me nothin'. Airter T got through I went knockin' 'round, an 1 putty soon met a feller that eat dinner with me while ho was a candidate last sum mer. He said that it was gettin' putty well along in the day, but that if I'd go 'round home with him he'd skeer up some breakfast. I started to say no, but rieollectin' how he ate at my table, I went with him. On the way he got a lot uv these here great long sausages. Wall, I stored away about two pounds uv them sausages, eat about my hatful of bis cuits an' drunk three cups of coffee. By this time I was putty well filled up, but shortly afterwards one uv the boys that lives out my way told me that he had found a sa loon whar they put out a whole lot uv vid ults an 1 let people eat all they wanted to, so, as it didn't cost nothin', I went 'round. I left in on a big dish uv sour potatoes au' raw cabbage, an' made myself at home. After I got through with that I went to dinner with a feller lieoause it didn't cost me anything, an' eat putty hearty. Then I struck out an' eat a few apples that I slipped out uv a wagon, an' then I eat a piece uv cheese that I found in a saloon, just because it didn't cost anything. About this time the Old Boy com menced to overtake me, an' I dodged in hero an' drapped down, an' I hope I'll die before 1 git outen here, fur, as I said jist now, a man that ain't got no more sense than I have ain't fitten to live. When I think that I have eat myself to death jest because it didn't cost anything it makes me so mad I don't know what to da Oh, how I do suffer all ovcrl"— Arkansaw Traveler. Consistency, Thou Art a Jewel. HIM I?, Ann UM Wlp' Y ft f Ii w m Of* a» /Up Old Gent (a warm admirer of youthful sport)—Now, boys, plug up his eve and knock his hat off. Bless their little hearts : How they do enjoy that healthful exercise! y TT 7X7, m m 22 m Old Gent (with equal warmth)—'Od rot those little scoundrels! There's got to be a stop put to this infernal snow balling.—Life. Age of the "Infinitely Little." Cowardice is always vulgar, and the pres ent age is pre-eminently cowardly; full of egotistic nervousness arid unconcealed fear of all those physical dangers to which science has told all men they are liable. Pasteur is its god, and the microbe its Mephistopheles. A French writer defined it the other day os the age of tho "infinitely little." It might La also defined as the age of absorbing self con sciousness. It is eternally placing itself in innumerable attitudes to pose before the camera of a photographer; the old, the ugly, the obscure, the deformed delight in multiply ing their likenesses on cardboard, even more than do the young, the beautifu!, the famous and the well made.—Ouida in North Ameri can Review. Abraham Lincoln's Abstemiousness. A reader of Tho Times, of Philadelphia, heard a man say that "Abraham Lincoln fre quently went upon sprees in the company of Stephen A. Douglas," and wrote to CoL McClure asking if this was true. The answer was: "No man who knew Mr. Lincoln ever accused him of indulging in sprees. He was always a very abstemious man, and he was never accused of iutoxication during his life time." Sacramento, Cal., boasts of an athlete who can jump 14 feet 5}£ inches. His name is Daniel Rogers. George W. Hamilton should visit the Pacific slope, for he is the only mnn in America that can reach that limit in a broad, single standing jump, and ho has al ready jumped over 14 feet 6 inches.