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Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, March 10, 1887, Image 1

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Volume xxi.
Helena, Montana, Thursday, March io, 1887.
No. 15
R. E. FISK D. W. FISK. ft. J. FISK,
Publishers and Proprietors.
Largest Circulation of any Paper in Montana
Rates of Subscription.
One Year, (in iwlvance).............................S3 00
Six Months, (In advance)............................... 1 75
Three Months, (in advance)..........................■ I 00
When not j>aid for in advance the r»*e will he
Four Dollars per year|
Postage, in all cases, Prepaio.
City Bubscribers.delivered by carrier SI .00a month
One Year, by mail, (in advance)................. |9 00
Six Months, by mail, (in advance)............... 5 00
Three Months, by mail, (in advance)........... 250
If not paid in advance, Î12 per annum.
*4~AU communications should be addressed to
FISK BKOH., Publisher:!,
Helena, Montana.
IVOtl.D HE UETl K.X. ggS™""
Would we return
If once the gates which close upon the past
Were opened wide for us, and the dear
Remembered pathway stretched before us clear
To lead us back to youth's lost land at last.
Whereon life's April shadows lightly cast
Recalled the old sweet days of childish fear
With all their faded hopes and brought anear
The far-off streams in which our skies were
glassed ;
IHd these lo*t dreams which wake the soul's sad
But lived once more and waited our returning,
Would we return ?
Would we return
If love's enchantment held the heart no more
And we had come to count the wild sweet pain,
The fond distress, the lavish tears—but vain;
Had cooled the heart's hot wounds amidst the
Or mountain gales, or, on some alien shore
Worn out the soul's long anguish and had slain
At last the dragoi of despair—if then the train
Of vanished years came back, and. as of yore.
The same voice called, and with soft eyes be
Our lost love beckoned, through time's gray
veil smiling.
Would we return ?
Would we return
Once we had crossed to the death's unlovely
And trial the bloomless ways among the dead
Lone and unhappy : after years had lied
With twilight wings along that glimmering
If then—an angel came with outstretched
To lead us back, and we recalled in dread
How soon the tears that once for us are shed
May flow for others—how like words in sand
Our memory fades away—how oft our waking
Might vex the living with the dead heart's
Would we return—
Would we return ?
"King Out" all the Growlers.
A miller sat in a chestnut tree.
And cracked some ancient nuts for me.
He said that flour was as cheap as dirt,
That his bank account was badly hurt
By the profitless trade of the dying year;
That flour was low and wheat was dear.
Ring out, my merry chestnut bell,
Ring sharp and clear, and to him tell
That this same tale he told before,
And hid him tell it nevermore.
The builder of mills, in his easy chair.
To me doth often sadly swear
That business to the dogs must go,
If prices keep so very low;
That things look darkly blue and drear,
And says, "Oh, shoot the glad New Year!"
Ring out, oh, trusty chestnut bell,
Ring sharp and clear, and to him tell
That this same tale he's told before,
And bid him tell it—nevermore.
Xow let me sit in mine office chair,
With my good big pen and my frowsy hair,
And let me write that "in eighty-seven
B th millers and furnishers lind their heaven;
For prices will rise and profits will grow,"
And then I can sa}', "I told you so."
But hark ! do I hear a chestnut bell ?
Xo, *t is only a card, with words that tell,
As I lay it away on my dusty shelf,
"Somewhat of a liar I am myself."
—Xorthwestern Miller.
The Chancellor's Aim.
How doth the little Bizzy B
Improve his waxing power.
And plot against his Europee
An neighbors every hour.
lie buzzes here and buzzes there;
Each fizzy feud to fan;
When they fall out, then he falls in,
And scoops what 'er he can.
— O. IT. in Life.
Diary of a Pious Kafir.
In the last number of The Tydsehrift a
"Diary of a Boer in the Kafir Commando" is
published. Wo extract two consecutive en
tries: "Sunday, Feb. 23. Xo Kafirs in sight.
Held divine service. Frayer meeting at night
—a blessed time. Monday, Feb. 24. Saw
Kafirs on the bills. Commando went out
and shot thirty-four, besides a number that
got away wounded. Thanksgiving service in
the evening on return to camp. Sang Psalm
107, and went on sentry. Shot two Kafirs."
—Fall Mall Gazette.
A Case of Short Haul.
A seedy looking man got aboard a Chicago
aud Northwestern train at Racine the other
day. The train was about two miles out of
Racine when the conductor came up and
asked him for his ticket.
"Ain't got anv, but I'm a railroad man my
"Where do you want to go to?"
"Well," said the good natured conductor,
reaching for the bell rope, "I'll do the best 1
can for you."
"Thanks, thanks. We railroad men should
stand together."
"Yes. We have a heavy train to day, and
this is a down grade along here. I think tbs
train will run about l,. r i(X) feet before it come#
to a stop. I'll carry you that far with
A minute or two later the seedy looking
man was jumping off into the snow."
"You're very kind," he said, "to carry me
even this far. But set-in's we're l>otb rail
road men, }oti know, couldn't you change
your mind ami take me further?"
"Sorry I can't oblige you," replied the con
ductor, waving a "go ahead" signal to the
engineer, "but the fact is, that we have to be
very particular since congress has got to
passing laws governing railroads. Under the
law the most I can do for you is to give you
a short haul. Good day."
And the train puffed on iu the direction of
Chicago.—Chicago Herald.
A Polite Man.
"U hat a polite man Mr. Geestring, the vio
linist, appears to be!" "Indeed? I hadn't
noticed it." "Oh, yes; bowing and scraping
all the time."—The Rambler.
"Do you believe in witchcraft, Mr. Pon
tonby?" asked Laura. "I was an unbeliever,
Miss Laura, until I met you," responded Pon
! John II. licadle Tells a Number of the
Characteristics of the Country and Its
Inhabitants—How Land is Taken l'p.
The New Claim Method.
[Special Correspondence.]
Huron, D. T., Feb. 15.—I have one fault
to find with tho living here—they keep their
houses too warm. In the far south my stand
| ing complaint was that the houses were too
cold. In south Georgia and Florida I never
could keep warm indoors in cold weather
i unless I went to bed, but I could go out and
I walk myself warm any ordinary winter day.
Here a well built house has double
j windows, and the stove takes up
j as much room as a piano else
I where; and in it the blaze dieth
not and the fire is not quenched day or night
—especially if it is a hay burner. The con
sequence is, one has to be careful of his wraps
in going out doors; and I only wonder that
coughs and colds are so rare. If one should
go from Cuba to Canada in December, as fast
as a lightning train could take him, the doc
tors would call him a lunatic; yet we do
worse than that many times a day. By steam
coils and base burners we create an artificial
climate over the whole house, then we go at
one step from Cuba to Canada, from 70 degs.
above to 10 degs. below outdoors. Good
clothing protects the body, but w bat of the
delicate lining of the nose and lungs ? All I
can say is that I have not had the sign of a
cold since I entered the territory, and there
is less catarrh than in any eastern section I
have visited. I used to think it was the
thing to send invalids south in winter; lam
now satisfied that the average results are not
for the better, and perhaps, in the cruel kind
ness of nature, it is necessary to kill off fhe
weak and strengthen the strong. By and by,
perhaps, civilization will reach a point where
all weaklings will voluntarily give up and
die for the benefit of the race; but I have per
sonal reasons for being glad that it will not
be so in my time.
Despite the cold, immigrants are pouring
into this country as if it were a section of
Eden. The record of tho Huron land office is
amazing. In the four years since it was
established there have been located and filed
on ID, 151 pre-emptions, 11,914 homesteads and
8,378 tree claims, a total of 33,443 quarter sec
tions and nearly as many families, besides the
rapidly growing towns. For three months
the Chicago and Northwestern road brought
six coaches full of immigrants daily, besides
a much larger number who came on freight
trains with their household stuff. It is
claimed that in one season that road brought
here 80,000 immigrants and prospectors. For
one year two land offices of Dakota did more
business than all those in the other territories
and all the far west states except Kansas and
Nebraska. It was the great invasion of cen
tral Dakota—a "rush" not equa'ed probably
in the most exciting days of California or
Pike's I'eak. For a while vast tracts were
taken as fast as they could be surveyed; and
then whole townships were occupied by
squatters in advance of tho survey, they de
ciding disputed claims by lot and agreeing to
stand by each other for legal location. One
township fifty miles away was taken in a
body by 144 squatters, one for each quarter
section; and when the survey was completed
they marched in as a battalion and filed. It
is scarcely necessary to add that no later
comers interfered with them.
Beadlo county, of which Huron is the cap
ital, is seven townships long and five wide,
thus containing 1,200 square miles; so the
land settled in this one district in four years
is equivalent to seven counties like this, or
about eighteen of the average in Indiana.
From here to the Missouri river all tho good
land at all convenient to the railroad is taken;
but northwest there is much fine land yet
vacant, especially in Faulk county. A
branch railroad from Redfield, on the
Chicago and Northwestern road, is going
through that county early in the
spring. Of course, every intending im
migrant knows all about the pre-emption and
homestead laws, but the true claim method
is not so well known. To get 1G0 acres by
pre-emption costs $202 in payment and fees;
to get a homestead, is $18 in fees;
to get a true claim the same as
a homestead, with longer time and
more work, but a man has a small fortune
when he gets it. You must first file as for a
homestead and break five acres of sod the first
year. The second year cultivate that five
acres and break another; the third year.
plant the first five in timber, cultivate the
second five and break a third, and the fourth
year plant the second five; then you have
filled the requirements of the law. You can
plant either by seeds or cuttings; and must
plow among the young trees enough to keep
weeds and grass down till the trees get largo
enough to shade the ground. You can make
final proof and get Uncle Sam's warranty
deed at the end of eight years, or any time
before the end of fourteen years ; and until
you do, your land is exempt from all taxes!
This item alone will more than repay the cost
of planting, and ten acres of timber is as lit
tle as a man should plant anyhow,
even if he takes homestead or pre-emption.
My first impression was that this country
was monotonously level ; but that is all in the
eye. As a matter of fact, the James river
runs in a trough from near Minne Wakau to
Vermillion on the Missouri ; and though the
sides of the trough rise very gradually, they
rise high. For instance, this city is only 1,290
feet above tide, or GS5 feet above Chicago;
but westward the country rises C00 feet in
sixty miles, and eastward but little less.
The summit of the divide east of here is 500
feet higher than this, while tho water level of
the Missouri, at Pierre, is 190 feet higher ,
than the town plot of Huron. Of course the
Missouri has to get down hill very rapidly to
make the descent from there to Vermilion,
where the James joins it; yet the James has
a fall of but one foot in five miles of its
course. It might be made a canal through
its whole length if it were not so diseourag
ingly crooked. Its crooks are all within a
narrow range, however, confined to the im
mediate valley and between that and the first
level of the "trough" there is a considerable
bluff. The summits of the dividing ridges,
both east and west of here, are called cou
teaus, which may be freely translated back
The geology is peculiar, and the paleontol
ogy would set Cuvier wild. They have found
so many curious things that one need not be
at all surprised if they find a petrified ele
phant! But I have observed that amateur
geologists, as a rule, are given to finding
things. The big pile of pétrifications they ex
hibit here is certainly curious; but I will wait
till I get farther north before deciding
whether this region was raised above
the cretaceous ocean 17,000.000 or on
ly 1,700,000 years before Adam. Pain
ful experience has made me a trifle
cautious in accepting the deductions of geol
ogy; and, if I am to believe, on the testimony
of fossils, that there was a time when the
Creator let creation run itself, and the uni
verse was in a sort of cosmic delirium tre
mens, I want at least to be sure of the fossils.
Nobody can blame me for not changing my
verdict till I have tested the witnesses.
J. H. Beadle.
His Honor Kecognizeil tlie Sign of a
Hi-other in Distress and Made Another.
He was a bearded man and his breath was
redolent with cloves and gin. Once upon a
time he had endeavored to train his hair into
a pompadour and partially succeeded. But
only partially, for one-half stood up like
undying Truth, w hile the rest pointed to all
directions of the marine compass. He wore
a winning smile and evidently intended to
captivate his honor with a glance. But his
honor wasn't to be captivated and the pris
oner soon found it out. Then he started off
on a new tack. Laying down his hat softly,
he slowly elevated his right hand to his ear
and bowed three times solemnly. Then he
laid his left hand on his stomach and his right
hand on his head and began working them
circularly. His honor put on his glasses and
looked down solemnly at tho prisoner. That
individual stepped backward three paces,
three more to the left and back again, de
scribing a triangle. In a low voice lie whis
pered :
"Brother, do you recognize the hailing
His honor nodded and turned over a leaf on
tho docket. The man at the bar then tapped
his forehead three times, and elevated his
arms over his head, saying: "Tho signal of
distress, brother." The court merely bowed.
"It will be all l ight, then?" cheerily asked tho
prisoner. "I suppose I can go. And say,
brother, can't you advance a brother fifty
r- fT!,,
J1 '111
ai: ni
cents to relieve his immediate necessities?"
His honor took off his glasses and asked:
"Mr. Bebee, I recognize your signals, etcetera,
but I cannot for the life of me recollect the
order; so many, you know."
"I am surprised, brother, greatly sur
prised," remarked the prisoner. "I never
knew a candidate who ever forgot his initia
tion into the United Order of Benevolent Sons
of Good Fellowship of tho Temple of Solo
mon," and he gave the hailing sign w ith em
"Ah, yes; I had it mixed up with the An
cient Order of Old Billygoats," exclaimed his
honor. "Do you recognizo this sign, brother?"
and he dipped his pen in the red ink and held
it up."
"It isn't in the ritual, is it?" asked the pris
oner, as he rubbed his head.
"It means, Mr. Bebee, that the court has
dropped onto your little racket," sternly re
plied his honor. Then picking up a blotter,
he waved it in a circle and said: "Does this
sign seem familiar to you!"
"Don't recollect it," meekly responded the
"Well, as I interpret it, it means that
you get three months. Now give the part
ing sign to the Most Worthy Tiler and Mas
ter of tho Guard at the door and pass down."
And his honor waved his pen and blotter
together and John Agamemnon Bebee was
seized by Deputy Five and hustled down
stairs. There he told the old soldier that the
villain up stairs would be assassinated by the
avenging angels of the U. O. of B. S. of G. F.
of the T. of S., Chapter Nine, Encampment
of the Ohio Valley.—Cincinnati Times-Star.
A Story Writer'# Succès#.
George It. Sims, the English playwright and
story writer, Las received nearly $100,000
from his plays propuced in the United States
during the past live years. He has an interest
in a London newspaper which pays him
handsomely, and his stories always command
good prices from the publishers. He is now
in Algiers working on a new romance. He
has the peculiar faculty of being able to keep
two or three sn ail serial stories going at the
same time, charging from one to the other
for rest—Chicago Times.
The Urig it of Museum Giants.
The height of all the giants are greatly ex
aggerated, no me of them being eight feet
high. The number of giants has greatly in
creased during the past fifteen years, and,
though the}* formerly earned $75 and $100 a
week, the competition has reduced their
wages to $25 a week. They toik of forming a
trade union .—New York Star.
He Saw Clear.
Mr. Cranc-Fallon (the eminent exponent
of palmistry)—My dear madam, your band
seems to indicate that you at some period of
your life experienced a great sorrow, followed
by a great joy.
Mr#. Nevada—How wonderfully correct.
I got that scar from my first husband's razor
in '49. He was trying to cut his throat,
don't you know, and in spite of all I could do
be succeeded.—Tid Bits.
1 n
How the Most Formidable of Ironclads
Went to the Junk Shop.
The suggestion is often made of late that
what New York harbor needs to protect it
from attack Ls a floating fortress that ca.i be
moved around so as to block the constantly
changing channel of the harbor or follow an
enemy up to the city in ease he ran past the
outer forts. There would be many ad
vantages in the possession of such a fortress,
though a low estimate of its cost would be
__- - - - J:? ' Zir
In 1841 Commodore Stevens, of New Jersey,
foresaw the value of such a fortress, und
urged upon congress the construction of a
vessel built for that purpose and embodying
some inventions of his own. He sealed his
faith in the scheme by contributing nearly
$1,500,000 toward the construction of it
after congress had consentis! to grant $500,
000. The "penny wise and pound foolish"
policy of nations is well illustrated in the
history of this vessel, which is here briefly
The Stevens' iron clad steam Latter} - , as it
was called, was begun in 1S54. Her designers
w-ere Robert L. and Commodore Edwin A.
Stevens, of Hoboken, N. J., at which place
she was built. Her dimensions were: Length,
420 feet; breadth, 52 feet; depth 28 feet, with
a draft of wuter that could be varied from
17 feet to 22 feet when in an engagement.
/.I a
Her boilers numbered ten, developing 8,000
horse power, w ith eight engines to drive two
independent screw propellers. Her bunkers
had capacity for 1,000 tons of coal. The
deck was shot proof. The inclined armor on
tho sides consisted of 0% inches of iron plates
backed with 14 inches of locust timber and
secured to G iueh wrought iron girders.
Tho Messrs. Stevens spent nearly half a
million dollars on the vessel during their
lives and on the commodore's death he pro
vided in his w ill that the vessel should be
completed, besides supplying machinery tc
the value of $1,000,0)0 to perform the work.
"When complete the vessel was by special act
of congress to be presented to tho state of
New Jersey. The state accepted the gift.
The late Gen. McClellan was appointed to
take charge of the work. When tho vessel
was ready for launching the funds provided
for its completion proved insufficient, and the
state of New Jersey in 1874 ordered the vessel
sold. Here was an opportunity for the na
tion to secure "for a song" an ironclad w hich
would have been the most formidable in the
world even to this day. She was about ready
for her armament. A few hundred thou
sands would have purchased her, and she
would have been worth as many millions to
day. Did they purchase her? Nations are
not so provident. She was sold for old junk,
and so securely were some of her parts pul
together that they had to be blasted apart.
Thus do republics reward the endeavors ol
their public spirited citizens.
An Improvement Projected Nearly Two
Hundred Years Ago.
While the feasibility of the Panama ship
canal is being discussed and money is being
raised for its completion, every one seems tc
have entirely overlooked the fact that we have
on Cape Cod a still uncompleted canal, which
was really stalled in 1097, nearly two centu
ries ago. Tho canal was intended as a con
necting link between Buzzard s bay and Barn
stable bay, thus avoiding the extremely dan
gerous passage around Cape Cod.
In 1883, the Cape Cod Ship Canal company
was granted a charter by the Massachusetts
legislature. Se veral companies, more or less
theoretical, had been chartered prior to that
time, but nothing practical had been accom
o& c °ô
«owl 'W
The present company, which is composed
of wealthy merchants and business men, at
once bought a mammoth dredging machine
which has penetrated inland for about half
a mile. By the requirements of the charter
the canal must be completed by or before
June 2G, of this year, and as about eight
miles remain to be dredged, there is every
likelihood that the charter of the company
will be forfeited, unless the legislature should
see fit to grant the petition, now pending, for
an extension of time.
The canal, when completed, will be seven
ty-five feet w ide on the bottom and have a
mean width of 200 feet at low water. At the
turn outs, it must be 300 feet wide. These
turn outs comprise one-fourth of the entire
length of the canal. The depth of water is to
be twenty-three feet at low tide.
The machine which is doing the work of
excavating cost $75,000. There are fourteen
men employed on and about the machine.
The dredging is done by means of an endless
chain of thirty-nine buckets, driven by two
steam engines of seventy-five horse power
each. Five thousand cubic yards of earth
can be excavated and discharged in a day of
ten hours by this giant machina By using
the electric light for night work the capacity
may be doubled.
Indian Corn in Germany.
Indian corn, having very large kernels and
long ears, is raised in central Germany, but a
former resident of the couatry states that the
farmers make no use of it except for fatten
ing geese.
Davis' Only
Miss Vai ilia Davis has again returned to
her father's .--ide at their quiet home at Beau
voir, Miss., overlooking the Gulf of Mexico.
Miss Davis was born in the "White House" of
the Confederacy at Richmond while her
father presided over the Confederate states.
From her conversation it appears that she
cherishes the same sentiments as her father
in regal'd to the "lost cause." She regards it
as a sacred theme and considers the southern
people as martyrs. That she should imbibe
such sentiments is no more than natural.
Ever since the war she has been at her
father's side, his chief support and consola
tion. lie educated her personally, gave her
his views of life, and fashioned her in the
mold of the ante-bellum southern lady. lier
trip north has doubtless given her new ideas
of the spirit that animates the north.
Miss Davis was received in the cities
she has visited with
unusual social hon
ors, aiul she proved
deserving of them.
She is of a true
s o u t h e r n type.
She is just tall
enough to be com
manding in appear
ance, and has a
w illowy, grace f u 1
form, which is clad
with a richness and
taste that are sur
prising when it is
remembered that
this young girl has lived all her life in the
retirement of a country house. Her face is
long and somewhat inclined to leanness, hut
its every lineament bespeaks the patrician.
Her complexion is a rich olive, her eyes
hazel and her hair black and curling. She
looks like a queen among women as she stands
receiving her callers.
It is said by those who know Miss Davis
well that she helped her father considerably
in the preparation of his recent history of tho
war. Her studies from youth had been di
rected in the line of southern war records and
political history, so that when it came to pre
paring the work she was a valuable assistant.
Her aunt says that the old Confederate leader
relied on her almost entirely in the matter of
collecting and arranging statistics of the war
and employed her as amanuensis most of the
time while preparing the work. Nothing
pleased her so much as hunting up facts and
theories to defend the south and the policy of
her father's administration.. Her favorite re
treat at home is the big library, which con
sists almost exclusively of war records and
histories of the United States. Here she
reads to her father several hours daily, while
the fallen chieftain listens, nods and dreams
of the past, it is said that he fairly dotes on
his handsome child—cannot bear to let her
out of his s'ght. It was only after a long
struggle that he consented to her trip to
Richmond and the north. She seems
equally devoted to her father, for she has
refused several advantageous offers of mar
riage from wealthy Mississippi planters, in
order to soothe his declining years by her
The Contest in Indiana.
This is a portrait of Senator Alonzo Green
Smith, of Indiana, contestant for the right to
preside over the
state senate. White
the election of Rob
ert S. Robertson for
lieutenant governor
was in dispute Sen
ator Smith, as presi
dent of the senate,
claimed the right to
assume the duties
of the position. To
maintain his posi
tion he secured,
through J u d g e
Ayres, of the su
preme court, an in
junction, ■ restrain- alonzo g. smith.
ing Col. Robertson, from performing any
.duties of that position. The fight for
the lieutenant governorship was import
ant, for on it depended whether the next
senator elected by the legislature would be a
Republican or a Democrat. Col. Robertson
appealed the case, and the remarkable feat
ure of the trial before the supreme court was
the appearance of Senator Harrison as coun
sel for the appellant and Judge Turpie being
counsel for the Democratic appellee, these be
ing the rival contestants for the United
States senate. At one time it was expected
that both houses would adjourn to the su
preme court room, hear the arguments of tho
two senatorial claimants and then decide who
was best fitted to represent Indiana in the
United States senate.
Patients for the Insane Asylum.
The laws of Missouri upon the admittance
of persons as patients to tho insane asylum
are so lax that it is possible for a perfectly
sane person to be confined among maniacs
and made to suffer untold torments. So
liable, indeed, are mistakes to occur that
nineteen cases of the kind developed last year
alone. Let us say a policeman finds a man
on the street acting, as he thinks, strangely.
He bustles him off in the hoodlum wagon to
the station, and the fact that the prisoner
swears a good deal is taken as further evi
dence that he is dangerous. A health depart
ment physician is summoned and examines
the supjxised crazy man by talking to him
through the bars of his cell. Th« man is
aggrieved, and continues stubborn and vio
lent in bis denunciations of the men who
have made him the trouble. Tho physician
is liable to think him insane, and so reports.
A permit is at once made out, and the poor
devil is sent to the asylum. The more he
protests he is sane, the more the authorities
believe he is insane. After some days of con
finement, however, he is examined calmly by
an expert, and found to be perfectly rational.
It ought not to be so easy to get a rnan pro
nounced insane. In most states it is a purely
judicial function, and the judgment of insan
ity is pronounced only by a court.—Secretary
of Board of Health in Globe-Democrat.
- j
Washington's Love Letters.
After Washington's death, Martha burned
his love letters for fear they might fall into
improper hands, and only one escaped the
flames. This was written just before Gen.
Washington accepted the command of the
army of the revolution. It is very affection
ate. He begins it with "My dearest," speaks
of her in it as "My dear Patsy," and compli
ments her by telling her that he would enjoy
more real happiness in one month with her
than he could possibly find abroad, if his stay
was to be seven times seven years. In this
letter he also incloses his will, with the re
mark that he has no doubt that the provision
for her will be an agreeable one.—Frank G.
The Serious Oticstion Presented iu Case
of War.
The Franco-German war cloud, together
with the possibility, however remote, of
trouble arising between the United States
and Canada over the fisheries dispute, has
had the natural effect of exciting great inter
est in the various implements of modern war
fare. The standard small arm of the Ameri
can service is the Springfield single shot rifle,
which, although an excellent weapon in its
way. is nevertheless entirely unsuited to cope
with the improved magazine ritte of the pres
ent day. What makes matters worse is tho
fact that, although foreign governments aro
realizing that the American magazine guns
are the liest in tho world, our own govern
ment seems to evince a decided disinclination
to adopt any arm of American private mann
facture. It is true that in 1882, in pursuance
of an act of congress orders were issued by
the war department at Washington directing
a test, with a view to the adoption of a suit
able magazine gun for the United States ser
vice. The test was a thorough one, and the
commission reported favorably upon the Lee
Remington, the Chaffee-Reece and the new
Hotchkiss. Seven hundred and fifty of each
of these were ordered and put into the hands
of the troops. From reports received from
over 100 different companies it becamo
evident that the Lee-Remington was the
favorite, with the new Hotchkiss a close
second. A reporter called upon tho
Remingtons to ask them if in case of war tho
government should raise an army of half a
million, what time would bo required to sup
ply them with tho necessary arms. The
answer was a poser. The immense Reming
ton factory at Ilion, N. Y., could bo made
to turn out 1,000 guns a day, but it required
about six months in which to prepare for this
great outfit.
But to revert to the subject. The 2,250
rifles did not suit the officers, as they stated
that there was no immediate necessity for
them, and they are consequently now stored
and rusting away probably, no one knows
where. The great point in favor of the Lee
Remington is its rapidity of shooting and tho
fact of its magazine being located near the
trigger of the gun, thus io. nowise affecting
its equipoise after the discharge of several
shots. This gun has recently been adopted by
the British government, while immense num
liers of them are now in use in the Turkish,
Chinese and other armies.
The new Hotchkiss is the other new Ameri
can magazine gun. It seems to possess all
the advantages of the Lee-Remington weapon
with the possible exception of equipose, the
magazine in this arm being located in t lie
stock. Both of these guns are fired by means
of a bolt. In the new Hotchkiss the magazine
is stationary. In the Lee-Remington it is
detachable. The speed of the former is about
thirty-five shots a minute, while that of tho
latter is about thirty-one.
But there are several other good magazine
rifles of American make, and one or more of
them should be adopted.
The fact is, the best and most improved
small arms in the world are made in America,
but the United States government does not
encourage enterprise in that direction. But
for foreign orders Yankee gunmakers would
have to go out of the business.
It looks as if the United States had l etter
submit to any indignity from a foreign power
than engage in a contest at arms. Neithei
on land or sea is she prepared for defense
even, and it would require years for her to
get in readiness.
All Kiglit, De Soto.
One day last week an old man w ith a bald
head, and obviously with a drink or two
stowed away in the place where a drink does
an old man tho most good, boarded a Van
Buren street car and looked around for a
seat. Of course he found none, and, on ap
pealing to the conductor, was told that he
would be able to find him one by the time tho
car reached Western avenue.
"All right, De Soto," replied the aged pas
The conductor finished his fare taking and
resumed his perch on the rear brake, but the
old man's words kept ringing in his ears.
"'All right. De Soto! All right, DeSoto!'
What the thunder did he mean by that?"
the conductor asked himself, and he finally
became so worked up about it that ho went
in and asked the old man what it was he had
been giving him.
"Oh," said the delighted old party, with a
chuckle, "in 1S58, when the first Atlantic
cable was laid, they got a few words across,
you remember. One of the messages which
came from Valencia, Ireland, in response to
an inquiry how the wire was working, was:
'All right, De Soto.' De Soto was the opera
tor's name, you know, and, by gosh, that was
tho last word they did get through that old
cable before she went back on'm completely.
For months that was all you could hear in
tliis country. It was in every man's mouth.
Whenever we wanted to say that a thing was
all right, when in fact it was all wrong, we'd
say, 'All l ight, De Soto,' see? That was what
I meant when you told me I'd get a seat at
Western avenue. I know that this ear doesn't
run any further, and so do you, you young
scoundrel?"—Chicago Herald.
One Arm No üse on a Sleigh Hide.
Lucy— Why, Belle! Is it all over between
you and Harry? Didn't I see you out sleigh
ing last night with George?
Belle—That doesn't signify anything. I
preferred to go with George; that was all.
Lucy—But look at the difference between
the two men. George is only a clerk on a
small salary. He isn't handsome. Harry
is rich, he is noble looking and he adores you.
Belle—Yes, and lie has only one arm.
When it comes to sleigh riding, you know
Lucy—Yes, yes! That's a fact. I forgot.
You are quite right, dear.—Chicago Trib
l'fenectly oegai.
"George," said the senior partner to the
junior in a law firm of three, "I thought you
told me that Alfred had gone out of town on
legal business? I understand he's down the
road on a visit to a young lady." "Well,
sir," said George, with an injured look, "it's
not illegal to call on a young lady, I be
Story of a Man Who Ate Ilimself Sick
Derange Another l'aitl for It.
A curious looking old fellow, dressed in
gray "homespun," was found lying in an
alley. When questioned by some one he
turned over with a groan and said:
"Go on away from here, now, and let me
"Why do you want to die?"
"Because I am a blamed fool. '
"Come, get up ; that's no excuse. ''
"Yes, it is. Go on away, I tell you, and let
me die."
"Haven't you been drinking?"
"No, I hain't teched a drap. Go on away
and let me die, I tell you. A man that ain't
got no more sense than I have ain't litten to
live. It's dangerous for him to walk about."
"Come, tell me what you did."
With an effort and another groan he raised
up, leaned back against the wall and said:
"If I tell you will you go on away?"
"Wall, I'll go yo whuther or no. Early
this mornin' I come inter town an' met a fel
ler that I knowed. He asked me to go round
an'take breakfast with him. I had dun eat
breakfast, but as it wasn't no expense to me
I concluded that it wouldn't do to let the
vidults go to waste, so I went with him. I
eat a long handled shovel full uv butter
cakes and drunk four cups uv coffee, argyin*
all the time that it wa'n't costin' me nothin'.
Airter T got through I went knockin' 'round,
an 1 putty soon met a feller that eat dinner
with me while ho was a candidate last sum
mer. He said that it was gettin' putty well
along in the day, but that if I'd go 'round
home with him he'd skeer up some breakfast.
I started to say no, but rieollectin' how he ate
at my table, I went with him. On the way
he got a lot uv these here great long sausages.
Wall, I stored away about two pounds uv
them sausages, eat about my hatful of bis
cuits an' drunk three cups of coffee. By
this time I was putty well filled up, but
shortly afterwards one uv the boys that lives
out my way told me that he had found a sa
loon whar they put out a whole lot uv vid
ults an 1 let people eat all they wanted to, so,
as it didn't cost nothin', I went 'round. I left
in on a big dish uv sour potatoes au' raw
cabbage, an' made myself at home. After I
got through with that I went to dinner with
a feller lieoause it didn't cost me anything,
an' eat putty hearty. Then I struck out an'
eat a few apples that I slipped out uv a
wagon, an' then I eat a piece uv cheese that I
found in a saloon, just because it didn't cost
anything. About this time the Old Boy com
menced to overtake me, an' I dodged in hero
an' drapped down, an' I hope I'll die before 1
git outen here, fur, as I said jist now, a man
that ain't got no more sense than I have ain't
fitten to live. When I think that I have eat
myself to death jest because it didn't cost
anything it makes me so mad I don't know
what to da Oh, how I do suffer all ovcrl"—
Arkansaw Traveler.
Consistency, Thou Art a Jewel.
I?, Ann
Ii w
a» /Up
Old Gent (a warm admirer of youthful
sport)—Now, boys, plug up his eve and knock
his hat off. Bless their little hearts : How
they do enjoy that healthful exercise!
Old Gent (with equal warmth)—'Od rot
those little scoundrels! There's got to be a
stop put to this infernal snow balling.—Life.
Age of the "Infinitely Little."
Cowardice is always vulgar, and the pres
ent age is pre-eminently cowardly; full of
egotistic nervousness arid unconcealed fear of
all those physical dangers to which science
has told all men they are liable. Pasteur is
its god, and the microbe its Mephistopheles.
A French writer defined it the other day os
the age of tho "infinitely little." It might La
also defined as the age of absorbing self con
sciousness. It is eternally placing itself in
innumerable attitudes to pose before the
camera of a photographer; the old, the ugly,
the obscure, the deformed delight in multiply
ing their likenesses on cardboard, even more
than do the young, the beautifu!, the famous
and the well made.—Ouida in North Ameri
can Review.
Abraham Lincoln's Abstemiousness.
A reader of Tho Times, of Philadelphia,
heard a man say that "Abraham Lincoln fre
quently went upon sprees in the company of
Stephen A. Douglas," and wrote to CoL
McClure asking if this was true. The answer
was: "No man who knew Mr. Lincoln ever
accused him of indulging in sprees. He was
always a very abstemious man, and he was
never accused of iutoxication during his life
Sacramento, Cal., boasts of an athlete who
can jump 14 feet 5}£ inches. His name is
Daniel Rogers. George W. Hamilton should
visit the Pacific slope, for he is the only mnn
in America that can reach that limit in a
broad, single standing jump, and ho has al
ready jumped over 14 feet 6 inches.

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