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> mmu Sy /txi set No. Volume xxi. Helena, Montana, Thursday, November 24, 1887. 5 2 <f ll.f lilcclill! lierait!. R. E. FISK D. W. FISK. A. J. FISK Fuhlixhers and Proprietors. Largest Circulation of any Paper in Montana -o Rates of Subscription. WEEKLY HERALD: One Year, (in a«l\iinee).............................53 00 Mx Months, (In advance)............................... 1 75 Three Months, (in advance)........................... 1 00 When not paid for in advance the ra'e will be Four Dollars per year! Postage, in all cases, Prepaio. DAILY HERALD: pit y Subscribers,deli verodby carrier 51.00a month One Year, by mail, (in advance)................. 5'-» 00 P1x Months, by mail, (in advance)............... 5 00 Three Months, by mail, (in advance)........... 2 50 If not paid in advance, 512 per annum. communications should be addressed to FISK BROS., Publisher;!, Helena, Montana. IIendershot---The Drummer Hoy of the Kaimhannock. The drummer with his drum. Shouting, "Come ! heroes, eome !" Forward, march, nigher, Higher. When the veterans turned pale, And the bullets fell like hall in that hurricane of fire. Beat his drum. Shouting "Come !" And the fife In the strife, Joined the drum, arum— And the tifer with his fife, and the drummer with his drum. Were heard above the strife and the bursting of the bomb. Bomb, tomb, bomb. Clouds of smoke hung like a pall Over tent and dome and ball ; II« it shot and blazing bomb Cut down our volunteers. Swept off our engineers ; But the drummer beat his drum, And he beat "No retreat !" With his drum ; Through the fire. Hotter, higher, Trohbed the drum, drum, drum. In that hurricane of (lame, and the thunder of the bomb, Braid the laurel wieath of fame for the hero of the drum. The hero of the drum. Drum, drum, drum. Where the Rappahannock runs. The sulphur-throated guns Poured out iron hail and fire ; But the heroes in the boats Heeded not tho sulphur throats. For they looked up higher, higher, While the drum, Never dumb, Beat, beat, beat. Till the oars Touched the shores. And the fleet feet, feet Of the soldiers on the shore, with the bayonet and gun, Though the drum could heat no more, made the daring rebels run. Run, run, run. DEACON BURDETTE'S PHILOSOPHY. IT CAN BE DONE, BUT '•That is one of our rising young men, judge; he will make his mark in this town and don't you forget it." "Indeed! What does he do:" "He spends $3,000 a year on a salary of $1,200." ? The circus laid off one night and the lion tamer played sweet to a shepherdess, to whom he gave much guff, until, he unmask ing, his wife recognized him. They picked him up at the foot of tho stairs, sadly rent as to his raiment and much abraded and con tused as to Ins person. And as he recovered consciousness he feebly murmured, "Was it tho lady or the tiger?" Then they smote upon him with canes and umbrellas, and left him for dead. INCOMPREHENSIBLE NONSENSE. A young man of Jeffersonville, Mo., writes: "A\ ould the addition of a centerboard add in any way to tho speed or sailing qualities of the Thistle?"' We have read this letter a great many times without being able to make anything out of it, and conclude that if there is an insane asylum in Jeffersonville, the young man takes his meals there. The idea of putting a centerboard on a thistle, which isn't an aquatic plant at all, and—why ho might as well talk about putting a jury mast on a chestnut. Thistle? Centerboard? Well, we give it up. It's something we never be fore heard of in all our life. That's just a sample of the kind of letters we get from cranks all over the country every week. Only week before last a lunatic down in Florida wrote, asking us "if Jake Sharp was in jail?" Never another word about him, who ho was, where he was from, or any syllable of de scription; just Jake Sharp. As though we were expected to know everybody in the United States that might reasonably bo ex pected to be in jail. Wo crushed this fellow; we wrote him that Jack Plane was in the w orkhouse. He wrote back in the most in coherent manner, saying that he used to keep a fool himself when he was rieh, but he couldn't afford it now. You can see he was crazy. It's this sort of thing that drives editors mad. [Found in tho MSS. of the editor who committed suicide by paying his fare last week,] art IS LONG, BUT SOME THINGS ARE WIDER. A new fad is a "Hand and Foot Album," containing photographs of the hands and feet of girls who wear anything under small "fives." In the well known city of (mortise for name) this album looks like a sample book of circus cuts, and rests either on a din ing table or the barn floor. (St. Louis and Chicago pajjers please copy.) THE TEN OF A READY WRITER. They wheel his chair in the sunshine )\ here the warmest south wiuds blow; For he loves to sit where the swallows flit And the shadows come and go: As his fancies twine and intertwine— "Pro Bono Publico." . . 4 He used to write for The Journal J In seventeen eighty-four: An old man then, but his ready pen ^as lusty at twice two score, And he used to fill, with that squeaking quill, * Three columns a week, and more. Ho tackled the other papers As fast as they got born, p y thought he would die 'ere tb« year went by, hut he bought him a bigger ink horn, n 1 the editor's life with care was rife From even till dewy morn. ^f^'bered liis friends around him Taxpayer," "Vox Populi," "Lex;" hopstant Reader," "True Blue" and "Citizen,** too, The editor's soul to vex; ,, t ) ie olller they grew, the garrulous crew aiaue worse newspaporial wrecks. had he never will die while ink lasts ?, paf *' r t0 can go; 1 °l^P en (Tumbles and censures and mum are to ° fest or too slow. 01 ^J* r mper s * nf ernal,his pen is eternal— "O Bono Publico." —Brooklyn Eagle. RESCUE THE BUILDINGS. A PLEA FOR THE CONVERSION OF DEPRAVED STRUCTURES. tYhat an Observant Artist Says Concern ing New York's Bad Architecture. Houses That Are Moral Sins and Streets That Are Monstrosities. "Wicked." "Wicked?" "Yes. Worse than than that. Positively immoral." "I don't see it exactly in that light." "Of course you don't. That is because you are a reporter, and to you any house is a good house so long as the rooms are clean, com fortable and well furnished. Now if you were an artist you would very soon discover the depravity of New York architecture. Look at that house across the street." A square plain front this bouse had, with a narrow, grassless plot on either side of the broad steps. So far this house was as moral a dwelling as the most orthodox and straight laced artist could have desired. The windows were large and the interior was concealed by broad curtains of a dark green material. There was nothing sinful about the windows. The wickedness was shown in the roof, which was gabled and otherwise distorted out of all semblance of Christian form. "What do you think of that?" asked the artist. "That is somewhat faulty." "Somewhat? Why, dear boy, it not only breaks all the commandments at once, but positively grinds the stone into sand for its mortar. If that house is not a mortal sin I am no theologian. But that is not all. Look along that line of abandoned str ctures. Ob serve the rascally contour of the roof. There is no grace, strength, evenness or picturesque unevenness in that line. It is not even bad enough to be good. It lacks the graphic vil lainy of a band of Texas train robbers, which pleases the eye and interests the intelligence, however pained the heart may be. It only presents the bold and witless prosiness of a collection of stale beer drinkers in an east side police court on a Monday morning. Such depravity is disgusting." "Aren't you a little hard on our architec ture?" A MORAL MONSTROSITY. "It is not our architecture. It is not any one else's architecture. It is not architecture at all. We can't be too hard on such an in decent exhibition of criminal taste. In every large European capital there is a symmetry in the styles of architecture. It is divided into the old, the renaissance and the modem usually, and the buildings are grouped to gether in an honest and virtuous way. Such buildings are models. They are patterns and do the world good. Take Boston, and parts of Washington. There you find architec tural rectitude. But in New York all the crimes in the artistic calendar are exempli fied with a diabolical plenitude that must warm the cockles of the old boy's heart every time his mind reverts to the subject. Fifth avenue is a moral monstrosity. Broadway is an example of abandoned wickedness that ought to make a Christian shudder to con template, and the side streets from Tenth street to the Harlem river contain rampant crime enough to keep the hangman busy until the morning after the crack of doom. You never looked at it in that light, did you?" "No, not exactly." "Well, that is not the worst of it. The ef fect of living among sins so generously dis played and universally condoned must be per nicious in the extreme. It stands to reason that a man must deteriorate who lives in a structure which has robbed the grave of the Sixteenth century for its roof, stolen its stoop from the tomb of the Seventeenth century, robbed the archives of the last century for its windows, and purloined its cornices from the notebook of a dipsomaniacal builder in the last stages of mania a potu. Can you be sur prised when such a man robs a bank, murders liis wife, runs for a political office or commits some other social error? No, sir; our alleged architecture is a fruitful cause of crime, a national curse, a social pest, and the sooner a law is enacted punishing such crimes as se verely as they deserve, the better it will be for this country. What we need is a borne missionary society for the salvation of de praved buildings, with a mission house on Fifth avenune, opposite St. Patrick's cathe dral, where the chief offenders may have an opportunity close at hand to mend their ways and be saved before a seismic Nemesis avenges their crimes against a patient and outraged nature."—New York Mailand Express. The Food of the Aristocracy. Some startling revelations have recently been published in Paris as to the materials of French cookery, and especially of Parisian butter. A correspondent sends the following story, of which he guarantees the accuracy, as to a not dissimilar state of things in London : I happen to know a man who makes a liv ing by collecting the rancid butter and dirty butter scrapings from the butter shops, and then retailing them to West-end confection ers! The other day I met him wheeling a truck load of the loathsome looking stuff along the Bayswater road. "Hullo!" exclaimed I, "what in the name of goodness have you got there?" for really I could not tell from the look of it, it was so dirty and discolored, while the stench it gave out, when I went up to it, was something fearful. "Oh," he replied, with quite a uusiness air, "it's offal." "But, what kind of offal? It smells almost bad enough to knock you down! ' "Why, butter offal." "Indeed! I)o you mind telling me what you're going to do with it?" "Make it into lumps, and then take it round to the confectioners." "The confectioners 1 What do they want it for? It would poison a dog." "Perhaps so," responded my friend, with something very like a grin; "but, none the less, it don't poison the aristocracy." "What do you mean?" "Why, that it's used in the pastry fal-de lfils they're so fond of." "But not as it is, surely?" "Oh, no! they first purify it some way."— Chicago Times. That Is, if He Was Just Learning. "What was Nero's greatest act of cruelty?" asked the teacher of the class in history. "Playin' the fiddle," was the prompt re sponse; and the teacher let it go at that.— Washington Critic. One of the Rising Ones. "My son," inquired the minister, "can you Repeat the Ten Commandments?" "No, sir, but I can light a cigarette in the wind the first triaL "-Detroit Free Press. LINCOLN'S CELEBRATED PHRASE "He Made no Pretense of Originality in the Matter," Says Ward H. I.ainon. For using, in bis Gettysburg speech, the celebrated phrase "the government of the people, by the people, and for the people shall not perish from the earth," Mr. Lincoln has been subjected to brutal criticism as well as the most groundless flattery. Some have been base enough to insinuate against that great and sincere man the crime of willful plagiarism; others have ascribed to him the honor of originating the phrase entire. There is injustice to him in either view of the case. I personally know that Mr. Lincoln made no pretense of originality in the matter, nor was he conscious of having appropriated the thought or the words of any other man. If he be subject to the charge of plagiar ism, so is the great Webster, who used sub stantially the same phrase in his celebrated reply to Hayne. Each may have acquired the peculiar form of expression (the thought itself being as old as the republican idea of government) by the process known as uncon scious appropriation. Certain it is that neither Webster nor Lincoln originated the phrase. Let us see how the case stands: In the preface to the old Wickliffe Bible, published A. D. 1324, is the following declara tion: "This Bible is for the government of the people, by the people and for the people," which language is identical with that em ployed by Mr. Lincoln in his Gettysburg speech. In an address before the New England anti-slavery convention in Boston, May 29, 18.50, Theodore Parker defined democracy as "a government of all the people, by all the people, for all the people of course." Substantially the same phrase was used by Judge Joel Parker in the Massachusetts constitutional convention in 18.53. A distinguished diplo mat has acquainted me with the singular fact that almost the identical phrase employed by Mr. Lincoln was used in another language, by a person "whose existence even was not probably known to Mr. Webster, the Park ers or Mr. Lincoln, and who certainly did not borrow it from them." On page 31 of a work entitled "Geschichte der Schweizerischen Regeneration von 1830 bis 1S48, von P. Fed dersen," appears an account of a public meet ing held at Olten, Switzerland, in May, 1830. On that occasion a speaker named Scbinz used the following language: "All the gov ernments of Switzerland (referring to the cantons) must acknowledge that they are simply from the people, by the people, and for the people."—Ward H. Lamon's Letter. Typhoid Fever on the Steamers. People who are about to visit Europe should be very careful what ship they take for the passage. I have heard within the last two or three weeks of some of the most terrible cases of typhoid fever contracted on board ski)« of the lines considered by the public firet class. I met the other night a New York gentleman who came over with his daughter six weeks ago for the purpose of making an extended tour of Europe. It was the daughter's first visit. She was a perfect picture of health when she left New York. They took passage upon one of the finest ves sels of one of the great transatlantic lines. Within two days after their arrival in Lon don she was taken down with typhoid fever. She has been ill for nearly five weeks. She came near dying once or twice, but is now slowly recovering. The physician in attend ance, when he was first called to examine the case, asked where the young lady had been during the preceding ten days. When told that she had just crossed the ocean he said: 'This fever was contracted on hoard Jship." 'How can that be?" said the father. "If there is any place in the world where people have pure air I should think it would be at sea." The physician replied by saying that it was a very common thing for people to con tract bad fevers on the great ships which cross the ocean. Nothing but the most strict vigi lance in looking after the sanitary condition of a great ship will keep it iu wholesome con dition. Vessels that may be wholesome in quiet weather become disease breeders when shaken up by heavy weather, and where they have in addition to be closed down against the outside storm. This gentleman, who has had such a serious time with his daughter, has heard of several casesof typhoid fever among the more delicate people on the passage list of this same vessel. The surgeon mentioned above said also that vessels which have been through collision, with a serious shaking up, are apt to breed fevers unless they are after ward thoroughly overhauled. It will be re membered that Secretary Whitney lost his favorite daughter through a malignant diph theria contracted on board ship on avoyago to Europe. The majority of people leave the United States to visit Europe with the object of securing rest, improving their health and the pleasure of sightseeing. The knowledge that fevers are often developed on the lines of the transatlantic steamers should certainly produce great vigilance upon the part of owners and masters of vessels to guard against further dangers to the publie from this direc tion.—T. C. Crawford in New York World. Almost a New Magazine. It is not publicly known, perhaps, that some time since a syndicate wa3 formed by Dr. William A. Hammond, Julian Hawthorne, George Parsons Lathrop and Irving Bachelier, whose object was the establishment of a new magazine in New York. The scheme came very near to the climax of realization, but was finally upset, and Dr. Hammond and Mr. Bachelier washed their hands of the affair and stepped down and out. Recently, how ever, Dr. Hammond, who still has a large sized literary bee in his bonnet, bas been in negotiations with Mr. F. B. Tkurber, with a view to booming a new magazine with the solid backing of this well known capitalist. This scheme had progressed some way when Mr. Thurber called in as an expert in his councils a well known advertising agent on Park row. Mr. Thurber knew well that ad vertisements are the sinews of the success of a magazine, and he asked for an approximate estimate from this agent, who has charge of the "space" of the established magazines. The agent of course was impartial and presented a resume of frozen facts as to the history of several defunct magazines, such as The Galaxy, The Manhattan, etc. Finally, as the narrative of the fortunes sunk in such ven tures reached its climax, Mr. Tharber ex citedly burst forth with: "That will do, thank you, sir; no more-American opera for me."— New York Graphic. A Change of Station. "I was not always in this station of life," aaid the hack driver plaintively as he reached for his fee. "Indeed ?" "No, sir. At one time I was a well known and promising lawyer." "Well, how do you feel over your promo tiouF' was the unfeeling rejoinder.—Mer chant Traveler. IN A CHINESE YAAMEN. A BOAT RIDE THROUGH A LONG AND DEVIOUS WATERWAY. The Chinese House Boat the Most Per fect Thing of Its Kind—Picturesque Country Bridges—A Rural Family—An cestral Graves—A Duck Farm. Through a consular friend, who in the course of some official work had made the acquaintance and gained the deep friendship of a civil magistrate, I had at last the good fortune to visit a mandarin's family in a ver itable yaamen in one of the oldest cities of interior China. Our mandarin host sent a boat full of his servants down to the treaty port to give us his greetings and to escort us through the long and devious waterway of river, creek and canal that led to the hoary walls of Chang Sho. There were three for eigners in the party and it took two boats to carry us in proper state, with a third and smaller boat for our own servants and a fourth boat filled with the mandarin's con tingent. The Chinese house boat is a most perfect thing of its kind, with its carved, gilded and most beautifully varnished woodwork and its many ingenious contrivances. In a country where there are no roads and no land ve hicles save the sedan chair or the more recent wheelbarrow, with its creaking axle and un cert- in balance, all travel is by the network of creeks and canals that connect the great waterways of the empire. The meanest Chinaman can pole his skiff free and unmo lested from Canton to Peking and from the seashore to the Great Wall over a system of water routes that were old when western na tions were in their first youth. The house boat's evolution from the small sampan, in which a whole Chinese family lives, to tho beautifully fitted homes in which the foreign ers take their pleasurings and men go off on long hunting trips, was a gradual thing. One carries all the servants and the whole house hold equipment on a boat trip, and, with reg ular beds and baths, the procession of courses and elaborate dinners, the life is little changed and has no privations. OFF WITH THE TIDE. Starting off with the tide we went up the river at a sjieed that gave the lowdab, or skipper, nothing to do but order the course steered with the large oars at the stern, but in the narrower reaches of the creeks and canals the crew sculled with the big oars and put up the sails to catch any favoring breath of a breeze. We gathered in one boat to have 4 o'clock tea and for the great ceremony of dinner, and at night dropped off to sleep in our comfortable state rooms to the regular thump of the oars and the swLh of water, varied by strange rappings on the bottom of the boat as a bed of heavy topped water plants slipped under the keel. When we came out on the little decks of our boats in the dewy hours, the string of brown boats with their gilded poitals and red curtains made a pretty picture under the edge of a grassy bank, with tall trees reaching their branches half across the narrow waterway. A few farm houses were near the banks, and the place was a water cross roads, where two canals made right angles. Its name of Sancbow, three bridges, was apt enough, as the three high, narrow stone bridges were all near to gether. These country bridges are the moçt picturesque things in China, a line of narrow hewn stones being laid on stone posts that hold the footway firmly against all time. The ma«sive posts and the long stones are often carved with Chinese characters, but the wonder of them is chiefly how they were ever laid there and the stone piles driven in the mud without steam or mechanical appliances of any consequence. When we scrambled up the banks and wan dered through the wet grass toward the first farm house, the rural family came half way to meet us, and watched us stolidly while we gathered wild flowers by tho handful. By the aid of our interpreter we went through a conversation with the evident head farmer, two assistants and four female relations, with six children staring like little statues. LOST IN AMAZEMENT. We must have been curiosities to these ru ral wives in their trousers and loose coats, as their first sight of foreign women, and we stood like milliners' dummies and let them walk around and touch our dresses and finally lose themselves in amazement at the puzzle of the second skin, or gloves, on our hands. The graves of their ancestors rose in hum mocks in the midst of the field of dwarf cot ton around the ill kept farm house, as the Chinaman buries his ancestor in whatever spot an omen may indicate to him, and all his thrift does not conquer this superstition that dots all the cultivated fields with burial mounds. The tops of the plants of the water chestnut rose from an acre of muck and wa ter. and the farmer, after digging to his el bows in the mud and bringing up only green tubers, informed us that "they would not bo ripe until old Father Frost came along." One of his assistants sat contentedly down on the wet grass and began chewing the end of a three foot stalk of sugar cane for his breakfast, and we went out on one of the three bridges and watched a duck farmer poling along in a flat bottomed skiff and driving his flock to pasture. Three hundred and more ducks quacked at sight of the strange figures on the bridge, and beat the water with their wings in their hurry to get past, while the duck farmer hooked in a few stray birds with his crook and evidently thought his view of the curiosities a dear one, when his ducks left the water and scrambled wildly up the banks and into the fields. We floated slowly in our boats up the creek for the next few hours, watching cane fields, millet and cotton fields, farm houses and the innumerable bridges, before which the masts and sails were unhinged and laid flat on the cabin roof, and at last we saw the venerable gray brick walls of Chang Sha.—"Ruhamah" in Globe-Democrat. A Domestic Fowl's Dictionary. Tr-ka-do-dle-do-o-o— Challenge of male. Tuck, tuck, tuck—Food call of male. R-a-r-r-e—Announcing presence of hawk. Cut-cut-ca-da-cut—Announcement of egg laying. Cluck, cluck, cluck—Call of young. Kerr, kerr, kerr—Song of contentment of hen. C-r-a-w-z z e—Quieting young chicks. W-h-o-o-l-e (whistle)— Expression of appre hension at night. C-r-a-i-a-i-o-u—Terror and protest at cap ture.—Wide Awake. xicnry ueorge adopted a peculiar and un heard of method for abolishing poverty when he started a newspaper. Still, perhaps he wishes to obtain a practical experience of poverty before making any direct efforts to ward its abolition.—Lowell Citizen. PATHETIC CASE. Curious Instance of Double Life—Sad Re sults of an Inherited Weakness. A curious instance of double life was re cently disclosed in Brooklyn by the flight of a servant from the home of a family on the Hill. The girl came to America with her father and mother some years ago, and her parents having died of alcoholism shortly after their establishment here, she was left an orphan, without friends or resources. It was a perilous position for a girl to be placed in, but if temptation ever came to her she never yielded to it, and it was but a few weeks be fore she obtained employment as housemaid and children's nurse in the home before men tioned. She was given employment without the exaction of recommendations, and amply justified the trust placed in her by her mod esty, her industry, her intelligence and the almost maternal regard that she had for the children of the family. Her father had been a civil engineer in England, who had given his daughter an education before he came to this country to fill a drunkard's grave, and her manners and apparently her tastes and feehngs were those of a lady. She never pre sumed on the confidence and esteem that were bestowed upon her, and was faithful in the smallest details of her trust. Recently the family went to the country, leaving her to put the city house in order and to follow in a day or two. She did not fol low, Lut a letter in her handwriting was re ceived at the time that she was due, and was read by the family with amazement. It stated that when tho letter was received she would be on the ocean on her way hack to England; that she had saved enough from her wages to buy a steerage ticket, and that she intended on reaching the other side to place herself in an inebriate home. The de sire for liquor, that she had inherited, was more than she could master; she had secretly tippled during her long service with the fam ily, and felt that she was no fit companion for the children. She begged pardon for her hasty departure and tendered thanks for the kindness shown to her. On receipt of this letter the master of the house hastened back to town, a prey to sun dry misgivings, but among all the pictures, bric-a-brac, costly books, jewelry and other convertible articles that had been left within reach not a thing had been taken. Every room had been neatly swept and dusted, doors and windows were fastened, the refrigerator dried, everything was left in first class order —but a half bottle of brandy in the cupboard was missing. The case is strange and pathetic. —Brooklyn Eagle "Rambler." A Charge by a Locomotive. The story of the desperate fight when Corse held Allatoona Pass and saved 2,000,000 ra tions for Sherman's army is pretty well known throughout the English speaking world. The railroad ran through a pass, and on each side of the railroad, close to the nar row cut through the mountains, were the stores, guarded by a small force of Michigan soldiers. The Fifty-seventh Illinois and an Iowa regiment were hurried to their support by train, as it was known they were sur rounded by au army under the Confederate Gen. French, and that the pass would be taken if possible. The train, in rounding a curve, broke in two, and there went forward to Allatoona Pass only half the too small force necessary. In this front part of the train were companies A and B of the Fifty seventh and a few members of other com panies. As the fragment of a :rain dashed suddenly into the open in sight of the pass, lines of Confederate soldiers were seen beside the track just beginning the work cf tearing it up. It could be seen that none of the rails had yet been removed, though they might be loosened. The engineer, daring everything, pulled the throttle open and dashed ahead. It was a charge by a locomotive. Had a rail yielded there would have been a wreck and the soldiers on the train would have fallen easy victims to their enemies. But the train kept the track, the Confederates leaped aside, firing ineffectual shots, and the support shot into the pass and were soon in the small for tifications at the top of the cut on either side ready for the fight already practically begun. The odds against them were enormous, hut Sherman had signaled from Kenesaw to fight It out anyhow.—Chicago Tribune. Beavers Cutting D ran rees. Landing at various points ou Die hank, the rasp of their teeth, as they gnawed through the firs and alders, wc3 soon succeeded by the crash of falling timber, as the trees succumbed to their bris c attacks. And here was first manifest a lack of that human reason attributed to these animals by so many writers. Instead of always cutting the tree upon the lower side, so that it would fall toward the water, they attacked it upon whichever side the shape of the ground or the growth of the bushes around made it most convenient, and, as a consequence, the trees fell in all directions—some up the hill, some down and some across. The large majority, it is true, fell down hill, and the reason was plainly apparent upon a daylight examination, as fully 'JO per cent, of them on both sides of the valley (and the same statement holds true of all those mountain gorges which we have seen) leaned in that direction; a fact probably due not only to the common vegetable instinct of reaching out toward light and an open space, but also by the pressure, each succeeding spring, of the sliding snow upon the upper side. That "high water mark of civilization," the division of labor, was seen here in full force, for while one set of laborers confined themselves to felling the trees, another set lopped off the branches and divided the trunks into sections of the right length.—H. P. Ufford in Outing. Early Chicago Piety. "Mamma," said a little Chicago boy as he watched a swallow circling high up in the air. "I wish I was a bird." "Bad men or boys might put an end to your little life, my son, if you were a bird." "Yes, but s'pose I flied too high for 'em to hit me with a gun." "Then some hawk might pounce on you and carry you off." "Yes, but s'pose I flied clear away up, close enough to heaven for God to reach down and take me in. Wouldn't that be a good joke on the hawk?"—Chicago Tribune. How few of those who are capable of feel ing an impression are capable also of present ing it, so that others shall feel it through tueir words.—Christian Reid. Sunflowers for I'neL Sunflowers are used in Wyoming territory for fuel. The stalks when dry are as hard ai maple wood and make a hot fire, and the seed heads with the seeds in are said to born better than the best hard coal. An acre ol sunflowers will furnish fuel for one stove foi a year.—Public Opinion. WAITERS IN ST. LOUIS. ENTERPRISING METHODS OF AMBI TIOUS KNIGHTS OF THE NAPKIN. Graduates of Oxford and Foreign Noble men Who Wash Dishes, Wait at Table and Pocket Big Fees—A Fraternal Or ganization. "You would lie surprised, sir," remarked the head waiter of a leading hotel to a re porter, "to find the sort of people who pre sent themselves to us head waiters for posi tions. You couldn't tell some of them from real gentlemen, they are so handsome, and polished in their manners. Only the other day a man presented himself at the door of the dining room. He was tall, stout, finely formed, and as dignified as a prince. I bowed as he approached and was about to conduct him to a seat at one of the tables, for I was convinced that he was a foreign nobleman. 'Are you the head waiter? he asked. '1 am, sir,' I replied; 'pray, of what service can I tie to you? 1 'Give me a position,'said he. 'Iam a waiter, and I come from Saratoga.' "I would have been more surprised than I was if I had not often had applications from men of similar bearing." "Did you employ the fellow?" "Oh, certainly, and an exceptionally good waiter he has turned out. He is in demand all over the dining room, and the ladies are particularly fond of having him wait upon them. He is a graduate of Oxford university, and talks Greek with the fluency of an Athe nian. We have Greek scholars in the house —one of them a professor—and I have been told that his Greek and Latin are unusually fine. One night he gave the help in the hotel a 'reading,' and one of his selections was a chapter of Virgil. He was applauded so vig orously for this that I questioned my men concerning their knowledge of Latin, and was surprised to find that quite a number of them were acquainted with the dead lan guages. Nearly all of my men speak French and German, and those of them who have not received good schooling are in the minority. "You must know that there is no trade or ganization so compact and fraternal as that of the hotel waiters. They are good hearted fellows, as a rule, and will never see one of their kind want for anything that they can supply. Those in position supply those who are out of it, and nobody is a whit the wiser. Masonry itself is outdone by their regard for this rule of duty." "Are the unemployed waiters who are here now supported in this way?" "They are mostly. Nearly all of the recent arrivaLs came here too soon, and whatever they brought with them quickly disappeared. Their condition was made known to the other waiters at once, and the latter supplied them with means to secure lodging and enough change to keep them alive." "How much does it cost to keep an unem ployed waiter alive and cheerful?' "Very little, if the men are 'fly,' and they generally are. A smart man whose room rent has been paid can live gloriously on ten cents a day. There are saloons in this city, both north and south, which supply an 11 o'clock lunch fit for any man's meal. In the hill of fare are two or three kinds of hot meat, potatoes fried, stewed and in salad form, tomatoes, chicken croquettes, cold slaw, pickles, bread, mustard, beets, etc. All a man need do to entitle him to a hack at this magnificent hungry man's banquet is to purchase one glass of beer." "But a man can't have much fun on one meal a day, can he?" "He doesn't need to confine himself to one meal. He has still five cents left, and with this he can purchase one beer later on. "The unemployed napkin artists now in the city, attracted by the exposition and its ac companying festivities, are certainly a sorry looking lot, notwithstanding their sumptuous living. Their coats are threadbare, and their toes, when not peeping forth from their boots, are struggling to get there. Despite the fraternal care with which their more for tunate co-laborers regard them, they are not appetizing to look upon. But one-half, at least, of these will be shortly engaged to 'help out' at the leading hotels. Few will be able to recognize in the smooth shaven model in boiled shirt, spotless cravat, real cuffs and cutaway, the wretch who i3 today haunting the free lunch counters, grasping at whatever comes within range of his watery vision. "There isn't a labor union in the country that takes half the care of its own that the waiters do of theirs. Occasionally they are economical and put their earnings away, but the great majority spend freely and give away what they can't spend. Like most people in their walk of life, they are imita tive, and the conversation of guests at table is rarely lost upon them. A first class waiter can listen without appearing to, but he misses little that is worth remembering. Often when we have had distinguished guests at table, I have heard their speeches rehearsed and dissected in the kitchen. Sometimes I have heard the argument of a prominent statesman torn to shreds by the fellow who was waiting to fill his order behind the screen." "Where do most of your waiters come from?" "They come mostly from Europe, although it is only once in a while we get one direct from abroad here in St. Louis. The first stop ping place for waiters is New York, but they are a roving set and can't rest even there. As soon as they begin to hear of the glorious west they take off their aprons and start. Sometimes they come west in sleepers and sometimes in box cars, but they get here just the same. Once in a while a man comes along and asks for work who has seen better days. Among these are noblemen and col lege graduates. They may have had plenty of money when they reached the west and spent it in high living; then their remit tances fail to materialize and they are on their uppers. These men make splendid waiters, hut they have to begin as dish wash ers and get accustomed to stepping around lively before they are intrusted with a table. Still, when they get there they always give satisfaction. They appreciate the importance of scrupulous cleanliness, and are invariably polite without betraying too much humility. "I have a man under me who is such a cor rect judge of character that he can tell al most to a nickel often, and sometimes to a cent, what the amount of his tip will be. He can size a man up like a flash, and he does it without giving offense, either. I have seen gentlemen upon whom he had waited rise from *be table with no intention of paying him anything, and yet he would draw their chairs so deftly away and inquire so earnestly if they had enjoyed their meal and whether he couldn't help them to some little extra delicacy, that they have put their hands in their pockets and feed him well."—St. Louis Globe- Democrat. AN INTERRUPTED LUNCH. A Collar Button Jîoy Gets His Ears Cuffed and a Five Dollar Gold Piece. At an early hour the other afternoon, a well known member of the bar strolled into a prominent resort and ordered a lunch. He examined the bill of fare and selected a few of the choicest articles. In order to get his appetite to the right tension he first drank an absinthe frappe, then he ate a delicate salad, and topped off with nibbling at an olive. In the meantime his interest was aroused by watching the skillful cook manipulate the various articles intended for his lunch. Some friends came in and asked the lawyer to join them in a social round, but he declined. All his thoughts were centered upon a thiek^id rare steak that was just ready. Another friend came in and with a breezy air wanted the lawyer to join him in arranging for a boom in Milpitas real estate. The hungry man steadily declined to do anything until his lunch was eaten. He savagely affirmed that so long as the stomach was empty he would not discuss booms, stocks or baseball, while for Milpitas he did not care a rap. By this time the meal was ready ami deftly placed before the hungry lawyer. He spread some mustard on the juiciest piece of the steak and severed just a bit to enjoy its fragrant aroma. Before the bonne bouche reached his mouth a small boy touched his arm and said, briskly: "Don't you want to buy some collar buttons?" The lawyer put down his fork, and, glowering at the intruder, said, firmly: "No, I don't want anything 1" With a savage prod the steak was again impaled, and again passed toward his mouth. The hungry man's teeth did not get a fairly good hold when the same small boy renewed the attack, and this time he offered the lawyer his whole tray from which to select a bauble. This interruption was the last straw that broke the self control of the tried and hungry lawyer. He gulped down the bit of steak, and, with a sudden blow, he cuffed the boy's ears, and knocked the tray to the floor. The boy did not object, but stooped to gather up his wares, that were scattered about the tiled floor. Before they were ban restored he burst into tears, but he tried hard to make no noise. The lawyer went on with his meal as if nothing had taken place. But suddenly glancing at the boy be noticed his abject con dition, and caught the echo of a faint sob. This was too much for the man. His better nature instantly asserted itself, and leaving his seat, he went to the boy and took his hand. "iSonnv, I did wrong, and beg your pardon. Here, take this and leave me alone," was his quick response. The boy's face brightened, and his little hand grasped a five dollar gold piece that was left by the lawyer. "Thankee, sir," was the boy's only answer as he left the place.—San Francisco Call. The Mau Mho Is Handsome. It is not often that a really handsome man is seen. There are wholesome, stalwart, good looking scions of the American stock present able enough in the drawing room or on horse back—though, for the most part, the repre sentatives of our rich and would be aristo cratic families are undersized weaklings—bet a man of faultless face and perfect figure is a rarity. The consequence is that where there is a man whom society would call handsome and the school girls style "a pretty man" La is apt to he altogether too conscious of his distinction and ridiculously conceited. Women flatter him and feed his vanity, for a handsome fellow will bo "pretty" in their eyes unto the end of time. In nine eases out of ten his head becomes emptied of every thing but self conceit and vacuity, and he naturally becomes so arrogant and ill man nered as to be insufferable. Then follows a reaction. He is dubbed a coxcomb or a pup py, and feminine beauty shakes its head at him and proclaims that he is "in love with himself and without a rival." The man who is merely handsome is to be pitied. He never attains any eminence be yond that which his physical attractions bring him. Like the flower of the field he springs up for a day, and like the flower of the field he has his day and dies. A barber's block would do as much good as he, for his one fatal gift of beauty l as been destructive to his manhood. Better to have less of beauty and more of wit—less of style and more of grit. The woman who finds this out will be much more apt to get a good husband than the girl who looked merely to the outside. It may be well enough to capture the "look ingest" mai rovided always that he is also the "goodesc."—"Berkeley" iu New York Mercury. Applause from the L'slier. There may be some who don't know that ushers sometimes have other duties besides that of showing people to their seats. To such I would solemnly declare this to be the truth. One of these duties is to sit in the audfence, after the people have all been seated, and applaud judiciously. You have no idea how effective one man may be in starting the applause at the proper moment. I assure you many an encore is produced in this way. The usher alluded to as undergo ing infernal torture sat across the aisle from me the other night and did this act. To his credit be it said, he worked heroically. Whenever there was a ghost of a show he braced up the applauding portion of the audi ence, re-enforced them, as it were, and led them on to victory. But between whiles he leaned his head wearily on his hand and looked as dejected as a north pole explorer. He had seen the play so often that it was as gall and wormwood to him, and he writhed in his seat until he attracted the attention of bis near neighbors. He didn't look at the stage five minutes during the play. He seemed rather to studiously avoid looking that way.—Chicago MaiL Flat Chests in Society. Every woman will of course deny that she laces. Avery eminent lady specialist of New York said, however, a few weeks since, that you could not lay the weight of your finger on an exposed vein without limiting its nat ural flow of blood. She also said that she had not had a female patient for many months who had drawn a full breath—one which expanded her lungs to their full ca pacity—for a year. The doctors and drug gists could, if they chose, tell a story concern ing American women which would to the intelligent ear be startling. They say that a perfectly sound girl of 20 is uncommon in society. The female aristocracy in one sec tion of the land have decreed flat chests to be the proper thing, because many of them, through relaxed muscles and diminished strength, were poverty stricken in curving lines of beauty. They had a fine working majority with which to pass the fashionable law. Those flat chests were simply the nat ural result of a generation or so of dressing and living on the fashionable American plan. —New York Times.