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Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, December 01, 1887, Image 1

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Volume xx2
Helena, Montana, Thursday, December i, 1887
No. i
<Pt.f iilcchly lljcralil.
Publishers and Proprietors.
Lir-est Circulation cf any Paper in Montana
Rates of Subscription.
One Your, (in »«Ivance).............................S3 00
•-ii Month!«, (In advance)............................... 1 75
Three Months, (in advance)........................... ] 00
When not paid for in advance the ru'e will be
r, ;r Dollars per yeaii
Postage, in all cases Prepaia.
, ■-u l)-cri tiers,deli vere<i by carrier SKOOanionth
One Year, by mail, (in advance)................. 89 00
six Months, by mail, (in advance)............... 5 00
Months, by mail, (in advance)........... 2 50
If not paid in advance, 81- per annum.
\ : communications should be addressed to
FISK BROS., Publisher!«,
Helena, Montana.
"C rn on the car shrinks about 40 per
■■ sajs .m agricultural journal. Wo are
most interested in corns on the foot. We
Lave never known them to shrink to any per
ceptible extent.—Philadelphia Call.
"What are you doing here?" asked the con
tra' tor. "I am the watchman." "üb, I see;
and what do you watch?" "Watch for the
boss mostly."—Pittsburg Dispatch.
"What was the biggest school of mackerel
vou ever saw ?" asked a summer boarder of old
Capt. Cluster. "The biggest school of mack
< rel I ever saw?" repeated the captain, shift
ing his quid and hitching up his trousers.
"Well, ma'am, the biggest school of mackerel
1 ever saw was off the Banks, away back in
01. But, Lor' bless you, ma'am, that wa'n't
no school of mackerel. That was a univar
sity. r —Somerville Journal.
I*. T. Barnum says the day of the circus
clown has passed, and that no such individual
will accompany his shows next season. Mr.
Barnum has done a great deal for this coun
try, but this is his master stroke.—Detroit
Free Press.
A man in Mexico who carried a carbine
and a revolver and tried to kill another man
is described as being "of gentlemanly ap
pearance and good address." If be had car
ried another revolver and a bowie knife be
might have been looked upon as a leader in
polite society.—Dayton Democrat.
A Texas paper advertises for "a firstelass
driving horse for a lady that must be young
and gentle and easy to manage."—Texas
Stranger—I notice you drove the president
over the same street twice. Omaha Man—
Yes, we arranged the route that way. You
see, we drove him through that street on his
arrival, and then drove him through it when
we went back, an hour later. "Exactly! I
thought it was an oversight." "Oh, no. We
wanted to give him a chance to see how west
ern cities grow."—Omaha World.
Busy Father—My daughter. I must take an
early train to-morrow; the alarm clock is out
uf order, and some one will have to sit up so
as to wake me. Dutiful Daughter—I'll do it,
pa. "My dear, you are a daily and hourly
blessing to me. Are you sin e you can keep
awake?" "Ob, yes; George w ill be here to
night."—Omaha World.
Cyclone cellars in the west are no longer
refuges of safety. An able bodied cyclone
came along the other day, packed up one of
these holes in the ground aud whirled it
through the air into the next township,
where it was lodged on top of a tree. So a
correspondent intimates, and he would hardly
lie about a little thing like that.—Norristown
Didn't Like the Method.
The suixrintendent of public instruction
asked an old negro why he did not send his
son to school.
"Becaze I foun' dat he wuz er wastin' his
time, sah, dat's why."
"Wastin' his time?"
"Yes, sah. Come gibin him er little old
spellin' book."
"What did you want him to have?"
"P'litical 'couomy. I wants hi*a ter be er
"Well, but bo must study a spelling book
"What fur?"
"So be can learn how to read."
"Who wants him to read?"
"Why, be must read or he can't study |
political economy."
"Kaint study political 'conomy widout he
ken read."
"An' be knn't read lesse'n he study do
spellin' book."
"I reckon yer better go on, sah, an' let me
ten ter nu r own erfairs. Sent de chile tor
school three weeks an' den axad him ter make
tr speech an'he couldn't do it. Jes' goon
an' let me run dis yer mercheen."—Arkansas
Gave Him Away.
Mr. Denny is a minister with quite a fam
ily of children. He entertains his friends
quite often at the parsonage, and usually at
supper, lie has a custom of giving certain
things at the table into the charge of certain
of the children. Benny, for example, sees
that the guests are properly taken care of in
the way of meats and other solids, Harold has
bread and butter and things of that nature
under Lis supervision, while the little girls
have their special provinces in the realm of
sweets. One evening Mr. Denny chanced to
notice that a brother of the cloth was with
out a biscuit. "Why, doctor," said be, "you
haven't had the biscuits passed you. Why,
really, doctor, this is a grest oversight. Har
old, my boy, no biscuits yet juissed to Dr.
"Father," said the tiny Harold, who al
ways speaks slowly and with great solemnity,
sud who to-night had in his voice a reproach
that his Ixdoved father had for a moment be
lieved him unfaithful to his trust—"father,
he 1ms had three ulready."—Harper's Bazar.
Too Much for Them.
"Let's see," said a woman who was inspect
ing an empty house in the eastern part of the
city with a view to rent, "haven't several of
your tenants died in the house?"
"Only two, madame."
"And they died of typhoid fever, I hear,
caused bv the drainage being so bad."
' 'Typhoid fever I Some one is trying to in
jure me, madame. They both fell down stairs
find killed themselves."
"That's singular."
(| h, no. madame. You see, they stood at
the head of the stairs when I lowered the rent
0 112 per month, and the sudden shock over
balanced 'em.''-Omaha World.
English, French and American Hook«
Side hy Side—Where the French Excel.
English Conservatism—German Publi
cations—English Works in Cloth.
The foreign author is not without some pro
tection against w hat are called the piracies of
American publishers» Art and cheap labor
have combined to give him a foothold in the
American market, and though it is only a
slender foothold, it is enough to make him
w ish the ground broader and firmer. The
total of the import trade in books, maps, en
gravings, etchings, and other printed matter
in the United States is considerable. In the
year 1SSG it amounted to over $3,250,000, and
this sum represents about the average value
of such importations for the past few years.
But it is the finished art and antiquity of
some foreign works that give the chief dig
nity to the import trade, and these are the
features also which bring a large proportion
of the profits. W e call ourselves a great
manufacturing nation; and from the utili
tarian point of view the claim is well founded.
We are beginning to supply ourselves with
nearly all the coarse products of industrial
art of a better quality than can be obtained
in other countries; but except in a few special
ties we are only entering upon the boun
daries of artistic decoration in the mechanical
arts, and are not skillful in presenting our
works in the most attractive form. Ameri
can designs have been criticised for their an
gularity. This is not necessarily a serious re
flection on their excellence.
No better illustration of the difference be
tween American and foreign decorative art
can be found than may be witnessed in a
book store where English, French and Amer
ican books can be examined side by side.
Lineal design is here out of the question.
One book is just as rectangular as another;
but there is a wonderful difference to be ob
served sometimes in the motive. Here is a
French edition of "Paul and Virginia" found
at the leading importing house in New York.
At a glance you see that the spirit w hieb
guided the hands of the bookmakers of the
mediaeval ages, the monks, stiil survives in
France, and ventures to assert its superiority
over the modern machine. Everything about
the book is suggestive of the most highly per
fected art. The morocco upon the cover is
delicately tinted, the ornamentation is ex
actly proportioned and chaste, and, within,
the eye traces a gallery of fine art, which be
gins with the first leaf and extends to the
last. One of the first pages of each volume
is illuminated with a water color painting
from the ham Is of an excellent artist, and
following through the volume, founded on
situations in the story, are pictures printed
alternately upon silk and upon Japan paper.
It is all fine art, and the letter press of the
volume is worthy of its company. This all
costs money, of course, and such books are
only within the reach of men whose opulence
is at least equal to their taste. The volumes
cost §300 each.
Here, too, are a couple of volumes contain
ing the works of the poet Rogers, issued in
1830 by an English house. It is not, like the
"Faul and Virginia," a publication that de
rived its chief merit from its association with
imaginative a: t, but it is simply a specimen
of the first complete edition of the poet's
works issued under bis own eye, and repre
sentative cf the best decorative art of the
period. Within its limitations it is also a
work of art, wrought out carefully by band
in every detail, and bearing in each touch
the impress of conscientious labor and good
taste. The most approved style of book
binding in England at present, it is said, calls
for gilt edged leaves at the top of the volume,
while at the side and bottom they are left
plain. This lias been thought a recently
adopted fashion; but this edition of Rogers'
works proves that it is only a revival. These
volumes are ornamented in this manner, al
though printed more than fifty years ago;
and it would not be an encroachment on the
probabilities to presume that Rogers himself,
whose artistic sense was known to be more
delicate and truer than that of any of his poet
contemporaries, might have been the author
of the fashion. Rut the entire work in bind
ing, ornamentation, and letter press suggests
that there has been little or no progress since
its publication in the art of bookmaking, and
the man who cares as well for his tea service
as his tea, and can afford the luxury, will do
well to have his Rogers in this form. It will
cost him only $125 to obtain the two volumes.
The Germans, as their art is illustrated in
the United States, ore better writers than
manufacturers of books. They seem to care
little for the setting of their literary gems,
Rnd rarely use calf or morocco in the bind
ings. Their publications, as seen upon the
shelves of our importing houses, are all bound
in cloth or paper. They are distinctively
German, however, in their decorative feat
ures, displaying somber tints alternately
with bright and varied colors, and are pro
duced with more elaboration than the cloth
bound works of any other nation. German
importations run largely also to portfolios of
engravings, something not strictly belonging
to the book trade, but classed with books in
tariff schedules, and made to pay correspond
ing duties. On account of the large German
population in the United States, one would
expect to find the importation of German
works very large. It is, indeed, large, fol
lowing next to the English importations in
the total, and coming not so very far in the
rear. But even here the American publisher
is the bet« noir of all the importers. Not
even in Germany will he allow a popular
new work to escape capture, but, presto, on
its appearance, it is reproduced by his Ger
man printers in the original, and offered to
German readers in this country at prices
lower than they must pay for even a cloth
bound copy of the same work produced in
the land of fubulous cheap labor.
Americans will always be struck by the
irities of English books bound in cloth,
aves are rarely if ever cut, and the
are attached to the volume only at the
s in such a manner as to create the im
in that the book is about to fall in
The case is not quite so bad, however,
s workmanship is pretty firm, and it is
X)ssible that its fragile appearance is a
of protection, the reader being likely
die with greater care an object that
so perishable. This system of binding
io some less questionable advantages,
sves and covers are more flexible than
îerican books, and not always flying
ie montant they are liberated from the
A new English book taken from the
f the bookstand can be opened at any
nd made to lie flat, cover downward,
he counter without in jury to the work,
vou to attempt the feat with an Amen
3 ok you would break the back. This
— ie not the explanation
offered for the English system of binding.
Englishmen call a cloth bound book only a
covered book, while a bound book is pre
sunied to be inclosed in calf ornioroicx A
man, therefore, who bu>s a book in cloth
may be supposed to select that material for
convenience in bis first reading, and then it
is to be sent to the bindery to Le put in con
dition for its place in the library. English
men are very skillful at giving reasons.—New
York Sun.
Few Nugget« of Wisdom About Our
Home Pets.
I have received a letter asking for half a
ream of advice at my lowest rates. The
writer, a gentleman of quiet, refined taste,
sedentary habit and a sparsity of hair, de
sires to cheer up the solitude of' Lis home by
introducing a pet, and wishes to know the
variety of pet most suitable to the tranquil
enjoyment he seeks, together with hints upon
the maintenance and general care of the same
and an approximate estimate of the cost.
Pets vary in size and temperament. The
tastes of some men incline them to large pets
and of others to small pets.
A man inclined to flabby corpulence and
wishing to tone up his system and tone down
his waistband by steady and invigorating
exercise may safely indulge in a pet bear.
There is nothing I know in the entire animal
kingdom so calculated to furnish a man with
athletic pastime as a well developed bear.
Canaries are a lemon colored affliction but
one degree removed from felony or yellow
fever. One pair of $4 canaries turned loose
on an unsuspecting family will wreck more
happiness than a savings bank cashier's vaca
tion or a fire.
If I felt that life was not complete without
song I should endeavor to purchase music
without the multiplying attachment.
I had a pair of canaries in June, 1874. In
August I had four; in October, eight, and by
June, 1875, I had seventj'-six, and fifty-two
of these were of the female species and al
ready on the nest. I tried to give the birds
away, and I tried to turn them loose, but all
in vain, and I was immersed in hempseed and
misery until one day, in a moment of des
jieration, I committed arson in the third de
gree, aud had a reedbird breakfast.
A parrot both satisfies the longing of a
man for a pet and makes life pleasant for the
A bright and active parrot cost about $20
before he Las learued how to swear or for
gotten how to yell. His education being
being valued at about $2 a word, it can
readily be seen that fluent profanity may
only be expected in birds costing from §100
up. The most economical way for a clergy
man or an elderly maiden lady to do is to
buy the crude parrot, bang it out of a win
dow and let it pick up the rudiments of
strong language from the neighbors.
I had a parrot once with a green body, a
yellow bead and a bad eye, and for three
long months he was thoughtful and observ
ant, and my aunt benevolently sang "Old
Hundred" to him, repeated various texts in
his hearing and in other ways tried to give
him a wholesome, Christian education. Si
multaneously, a small, freckled boy next
door conversed within range of the parrot,
taking a somewhat different key.
Alligators are easily domesticated, and are
pleasant i»ets to have in a house with small
children, but I have found it just as effective
to leave rat poison around, artfully spread
upon doughnuts and other delacacies.
The most refined and contemplative pet I
know is a Texan horned frog. A horned
frog looks like a lizard which has been passed
through a rolling machine and then studded
with prickles. He does not sing, and it is
necessary to pry his mouth open and ram his
food down in order to keep him alive in this
trying climate, but with these trivial draw
backs he is a pet of great value.
Homed frogs cost nothiug in Arizona, and
may be shipped by mail at the same low
rates as rattlesnakes, scorpions and other
territorial produce.
A healthy horned frog will sleep on his
belly four months without moving, and then
may be turned upon bis back, where he will
sleep four more, and this amusing trait en
dears him to his owner and keeps monotony
from the door. Occasionally during the sum
mer he will open his eyes and take a stealthy
review of his surroundings, but this phe
nomenon may not be expected to occur
oftener than seven times in four years, and,
as the process is entirely noiseless, will not
disturb even the most sensitive person.
Pets are necessary to the higher enjoyment
of life, but bow to select is one of the most
difficult problems ever presented. There are
incompatibles in pets, as in matrimony and
medicines Cats and canaries do not go well
together—or, rather, go together too well,
and the consolidation has little value; and
keeping a parrot in the same cage with a
moukey does not improve either his morals
or his plumage. I should advise any one de
sirous of getting a pet which will brighten
his dull hours and enliven care to procure
either a sacred white elephant or a horned
frog, and retire at once to his enjoyment.
All other varieties are fraudulent and un
satisfactory.—Henry Guy Garleton in New
York World.
iry to Alice—Your doll looks very
ly. What ails it?
ice—It frets a great deal. Alfred
ked out one of its eyes last week, and it
i great deal of sawdust, and hasn't been
ame doll since.
t many weeks since a little girl received
sit from an uncle she had never before
but had heard much about. He was
to to her as "Uncle Benny." At the
of her customary evening prayer she
"Dod bless mamma, papa and Tommy
Uncle Benny," then, after a pause, she
J: "Dod, his other name is Hopkins!"
ndav School Teacher—Now, children,we
all been bitten, haven't we?
ildren (in chorus)— A'es, inarm,
iclier—Aud our first parents were bit
:oo, were they not?
ildren (in chorus)—Yes, inarm,
icher—Now, who bit them?
ight Little Boy from Avenue A—Skeet
bright little 8 -year-old was greatly at
ed by a figure in the Metropolitan Mu
of Art. "Say, aunty, who's that?"
t's the figure of Minerva." "Who's
rva, aunty?" "She is the Goddess of
om." "And does she come from Bos
—Texas Siftings.
They All Do It—Nearly,
ro little girls of 7 and 8 are playing to
nd your papa, what doe9 he do?" asked
>f them.
Ihateve" rnarnr" says."—Tid-Bits.
Several Collisions ami Many Breakdowns
During the Decent Maneuvers—A Very
Slovenly Performance—Vessels Banning
Short of Coal—Torpedo Boats.
The recent maneuvers of the British fleet
did little to encourage those who pin their
faith to monster ships and heavy armor. In
deed, even the unbelievers in this type were
scarcely prepared for the sorry spectacle pre
sented by the mightiest fleet afloat, for in the
Irish channel, where Admiral Baird essayed
to defend the shore line against the assault of
Fitzroy, and again in the English channel
jand North sea, when Hewitt sought to pierce
the line of Freemantle, the big ships proved
.at best both awkward and uncertain.
* There were several collisions and many
'breakdowns; in all a dozen ships out of two
jscore were disabled by their own exertions,
lor gave out from lack of coal during the fort
night of evolution. The great ships Ajax
pud Devastation crashed into each other
early in the day, and it was only by quick
work, and what must be regarded as good
luck, that the latter did not go down. As
it-was, she was badly listed over on to her
side, with her guards under; something heavy^
in the way of machinery having been sent
adrift below. The Ajax was disabled and _
lay like a dead whale in everybody's way,
and a constant menace to all. The new steel
cruiser Curfew, from which so much was ex
pected, was so awkward to handle and so
slovenly in minding her helm that, when the
report came she had broken down, and
powerful tugs were sent by Admiral Hewitt
to tow her into port, a sigh of relief must
have gone up among t lie fieet, for from the
descriptions given cf her movements, she
Seems to have been as deadly as an iceberg,
ijuite as dangerous to friend as enemy, and
required a whole ocean to herself. Then there
Was the Colossus, of which so much has been
written—the floating fortress, carrying
enough power to cripple a fleet! Unless she
can do better than her recent performance
promises, no fleet need fear her, for, in order
to sustain injury, it would have to come up
and considerately lie to, possessing itself in
patience w hile the really formidable battery
was trained; for it is said to Lave taken an
hour and thirty minutes to work the Colossus
Into position and load, train and fire the after
guns on the port side. After firing one round,
the big ship fell back disabled, aud lay help
less in the tideway.
The Terror might not inappropriately be
renamed the False Alarm, and the Impé
rieuse, the Impotent; for the former on two
! occasions thundered down upon tha QOeaiy,
and, w hen at point blank range, was unable
to train her battery till she bad passed the
target, having then to run over a circle of a
mile's diameter to get around again into posi
tion. while the Impérieuse fell out of line be
cause running short of coal—bless the mark!
And when again her bunkers were full, sho
was so slovenly in a cross sea as to be well
nigh unmanageable.
When we remember that the rate of speed
at which the ships were w orking was only
seven knots an hour, and that, notwithstand
ing they were within easy reach of a great
coaling station, several of them ran short of
coal while maneuvering, we cannot help won
dering what would happen such a fleet fight
ing in mid ocean! It may safely be said that
if the result of the fortnight's maneuvers is a
fair exponent of what a fleet of monster ships
are capable of, we need have little fear of
attack by such vessels on this side of the
water. Few of these large ships would carry
anything like enough coal to bring her
across, and those so capable would be com
pelled to coal at some station here before
ready for aggression, or, barring that sup
ply, be unable to get borne again. Hence
blockade or capture of the coaling stations
would render such a fleet harmless.
It ought to be said of the officers in com
piand of this great fleet that they are as ca
pable a lot of men and as able seamen as can
be picked up on the ocean. Experienced, too,
they are in all manner of novel machinery
and war material, used to working modern
ships, and, quite as important, familiar with
the waters they sail in. It was no fault of
theirs that some of the moasters they com
manded carried weather helms with wheels
hard over, or, as was the case with another,
parted the shaft while trying to work head
up to wind with engines of 8,000 horse power.
All attempts to form line of battle, whether
in the form of column, crescent or wedge,
were fairly unavailing from a naval stand
point, because the time occupied was so pro
longed as to give a quick witted enemy op
portunity to anticipate the maneuvers and
evade the shock. The big ships on several
occasions rammed one another while getting
into line, and breakdowns and demands for
assistance marked the most important ma
neuvers. This was no fault of the command
ers, but of the ships being built to carry
great batteries and bear ponderous armor
rather than for seaworthiness and rapid
The work of the torpedo and torpedo boat,
from which so much is—not unreasonably—
expected in future naval wars, seems to Lave
been purposely underestimated at the maneu
vers this year, as it was in the French ma
neuvers last year, for fear of shaking the
sailor's faith in the impregnability of the
ships he sails in.—Scientific American.
Worthy to Become a Gould.
When Edith Kingdon (now Mrs. George
Gould) was first on the stage she pushed her
self, all unaided, from a subordinate position
in the Boston Theatre company to a pleasant
one in Mr. Daly's, says a New York writer.
Friends bad rejieatedly told Che struggling gil l
that her place was in New York, and she as
often hail sent letters to Mr. Daly, receiving,
however, no reply. Finally Mr. Daly took
bis company to Boston, and Miss Kingdon
played a strong card. She sent two tickets to
the performance to Mr. Daly in the after
noon, and in the evening sent a carriage to
his hotel. He went, saw the jierformance,
and the next day Miss Kingdon received a
note asking for an interview. Nowhere is
where that girl's cleverness came in. She
was a poor, honest little worker, and she was
living in a cheap boarding bouse. She read
the note, went straight to the Adams house,
hired a suite of rooms, decorated them with
brie a brae borrowed from willing friends,
donned a tea gown that good Rachel Noah
pressed upon her, and then sent for Mr. Daly.
He came, and before he left Miss Kingdon
bad her contract.—Boston Traveler.
A Girl's View.
An English girl says that she has seen men
whom she might have consented to marry,
but she has never met one whom she would
desire to propose to.—Kansas City Times»
Mr. Nevergo Bore, reaching out for a but
ton hole—What's going on, ol 1 man! Mr.
Busy Man, dodging—I am.
The nuns in the Via Merulana convent in
Rome, it is said, never "see a man." Enough;
they do not know the taste of cloves.
Mr. John Cass (the candidate)—Doctor, my
ear aches all the time; what do you suppose
is the matter with it ? Doctor (after careful
examination)—Growing pains.
"Our dinner table," said Mr. Newboarder,
pleasantly, as he studied the pattern of the
cloth, "reminds me of a time table." "And
wherefore?" inquired the prompter. "More
figures than fodder," was the soft answer
which turned on the wrath.
"Pig pens close to the well, or close to the
house," says The Farmer's Friend, "mean
death." You bet; death to the pig. It's pretty
hard to locate the pen so as to change this fatal
signification, too.
Justice Lockmeup—Your fine is $20. As
tonished Lawbreaker—Twenty dollars! For
getting drunk? Justice—No, for getting
■ caught. Hundreds of people get drunk every
day and I don't fine 'em a cent. Only fine
those who get caught.
"Leave 1116 door ajar, please," said the
merchant j* courteously. And the visitor
from Arkansas, as be went out, fetched it to
with ULffc^Jiands, yanking off tlie knob,
springing both hinges, and leaving a jar that
rattled every window in the building. Aîîd
if you'll believe it, the merchant got mad.
You don't know how to please some men, be
cause they never know what they want t hem
"There's plenty of room at the top," Is
there, my boy? Oh, no; that's only some
more of the wise man's encouraging m msense.
There's less room at the top than anywhere
else in the whole pyramid. Unless society is
built upside down, there is the most room at
the bottom. There's only room for one at
the top. Look at our own country: 50,000,
000 of people at the bottom and middle, and
only one president at;t he top. That's the way
the world over: millions of subjects and only
one king. If you want lots of room and
plenty of company, you stay at the bottom
with the rest of us. Mighty lonely aud nar
row at the aj>ex.
Heaven s last, best gift to man was woman,
aud man s best gift to woman was the rock
ing chair. It is her comfort of comforts. It
is a rest for the w'eary woman; she rocks her
troubles away as the swinging bow casts off
the dnst; it is a solace in hours of sorrow;
even a creaking rocker that driveth men mad
as with the ceaseless words of a contentious
woman, "speak comfortably to her;" her air
castles, builded in the restless rocker, must
lean like multiplied towers of Fisa; the
rocker fills up all social gaps; if there is no
one with whom she may talk, she rocks ; if
she hasn t talkative company she rocks and
talks. She rocks and sews; she rocks and
knits; she rocks and sketches. She rocks
and does things that a man can only accom
plish under conditions of motionless, death
like stillness; she rocks and threads a needle
as calmly as though the age of miracles had
not passed ; a woman photographer would sit
in a rocker with a camera in her lap aud
placidly photograph a group of rocking wo
men in rockers of various gaits. The rocker
is to her a nervine, a narcotic, a stimulant.
It is to her all that a cigar is to a man, and
a woman with a cigar and a man in a rock
ing chair seem equally misfited. The rocker
is a certain means of grace; be she "mad as
a hornet," five minutes of vigorous rocking
tranquilizes her perturbed spirit, and by the
time she has rocked herself out of breath the
gentle, -giving cadence of the swaying
chair te ou that sunlighted c-alm has dis
possessed ae storm, and peace reigns in her
loving breast. Like the cradle of the miner,
it gently rocks away the gross and earthy,
and leaves a residuum of fine gold only. Sho
rocks all along the way of her pilgrimage,
up the hill of Difficulty, past the chained
lions down into the Valley of Humiliation,
across the narrow land of Ease, through the
troubles on every side, through the fightings
without and the fears within, past all dan
gers, doubts and cares clear up to the borders
of Beulah land she rocks, rocks, rocks. One
of the first Christmas presents you buy for
your little girl is a rocking chair; and the
last time her grandchildren see her sitting
up, the dear, loving, God blessed grandma is
softly swaying in a high backed rocker,
dreaming again of the years when her day
dreams were woven in that little rockei'jnow
the property of the newest granddaughter.
Iu all those years your boy has changed his
toj's and comforts and lounging chairs with
every changing style, but your little girl
has never been long out of a rocking
chair. A home without a rocker would be
like a farm without an orchard; it would
still be a farm, but its crown jewel would be
missing. Only a woman could have written
"Rock Me to Sleep, Mother;" away with the
man pretender who dare claim it, in the very
face of unanswerable internal evidence, anti
she didn't mean a "cradle rock;" oh, no, she
wanted to be rocked asleep in a rocking chair.
If she says she means 4 cradle," then do I
fully believe her to be a man.
As for man, he is not a natural rocker. He
may acquire the habit, as a trotting horse
may be taught to pace, but the "arm chair"
is sacred to grandpa Man is a lounger; a
foot rest goes with his chair. A steamer
chair now is about his size. The prize com
bination for him is an easy arm chair and a
mantelpiece. "Give me where to hang my
feet," says proud man, "and I care not where
you put the rest of my body." Half con
vinced that he was made a little lower than
the angels, he has been trying ever since to
get his feet back to Edenic altitudes, and so
he sails through life on the small of his back,
with his feet hovering above him like guard
ian angels. Rather palpable, fleshy angels
they are, too, but nevertheless he likes to
look at them. You never j*et saw a man
with feet so big and clumsy that he didn't
like to hold them where he could see them
when he sat down.—Brooklyn Eagle.
Egypt. I 118 -» vs. Egypt of Old.
Mr. Hayseed (to wife who is returned from
church)—"What was the sermon about?
Mrs. Hayseed—SuthiT!' about Joseph goin'
dann to Egypt to buy corn.
Mr. Hayseed—Did the dominie say what
corn's wuth daun there?—The Epoch.
Frofound and Important.
You can be sure that the man who is put
down as a religious fanatic was a fanatic be
fore he got to be religious.—Louisville Dem
Stupid Governmental Repressive Meas
ures Under an Old Law—Getting Ahead
of the Authorities—News and Fiction.
A Fist of .Journals.
The office of The Messagero, of Rome, is
situated in the Via del Butalo, and here a cor
respondent called by appointment the other
day upon the editor and proprietor, Sig.
Luigi Cesana, in order to receive an Italian
editor's frank opinion on the newspaper press
of his country.
"You come apropos," said Sig. Cesana;
"we have just been seized," and be smiled
cheerily, as if an honor had just been con
ferred upon him and not a serious loss in
flicted. "You see," he continued, "every
morning we have to deliver a copy of the
paper to the procurators del re, the censor.
In today's issue we had a memorial article on
the Paris commune, simply and purely his
torical, as you can see for yourself"—and he
stealthily drew a last remaining copy from
his desk—"and at 7:30 this morning the po
lice entered, stating that the issue had been
suppressed and ordering me to yield up the
whole edition and to distribute the type in
their presence. Some papers had already
gone out, but they will seize them at the book
stalls or snatch them out of your hands as
you walk along the streets. They have done
this to me many times before.
"But these people are as stupid as their re
pressive mea-rores,!. You can form no idea of
their imbecility. The law of 1843 is the law
of confiscation, under which they seize—of
1S4S! making no allowance for the improve
ments in machinery since then, which almost
makes newspaper printing another art. .So
they order me to distribute the type, evidently
thinking that we print from the type—so
utterly ignorant are they of the business with
which they are brought into daily contact.
Of course, we use a Marioni machine, as they
can see, and print from plates cast from a
paper mache mold, that has been taken from
the type. If they were to ask for our plates
or mold, that would be another thing; but
they think in looking after the type they have
done thi* business. Of coui'se, to-night I shall
print off a new edition of the suppressed
paper, and in two days'time it will be dis
patched free to my 'friends' in the provinces
—(no doubt they will make me some little
present in return)—by which time the au
thorities will have forgotten all about the
incident and my views and history will have
"As the divine attributes aijd achievements
tirely beyond our hope to emulate or even
approach in the present generation—we as
pire only to form our model on the French
press, for the Italians have a great affection
and admiration for everything French. Our
telegrams ami our feuilletons chiefly come
from France by arrangement with editors
and authors. As regards telegrams, we all
subscrilie to the Stefani agency by reason of
about £5 a month. But it is practically in
the government's hands, and there is conse
quently no independence. How could there
be, with the government excercising its power,
when. anytLing unpalatable to it passes over
the wires, either to burke the telegram alto
gether or to delay it twenty-four hours or so,
till the message is of no danger to them and of
no use to us? The 'special telegraph corre
spondence' which our papers boast rarely in
cludes foreign dispatches, though a few papers
can plume themselves on telegraphic commu
nication with a Faris newspaper. But our
people are not educated up to, nor interested
in, foreign events, except so far as directly
affects themselves.
"Our people demand 'feuilletons;' they will
Lave them, and the paper that wants to suc
ceed must have them. \Y r e have not even the
excuse of the French editor that in introducing
fiction (acknowledged fiction, I mean) into his
news sheet he is encouraging native literary
talent. I regret to say that we have no such
talent at present. Our feuilletons are bought
from French editors or authors, and, whether
new or not, are paid for at the rate of £20 a
novel, which will run through sixty, seventy
or eighty numbers.
"The despotism under which we labor has
not been able to prevent the growth of some
excellent papers, as Italian papers go. Milan,
the real literary and journalistic center of
Italy, has its Secolo, with its 100,000 circula
tion, a paper illustrated with portraits and
views in the same manner and by the same
process as The Fall Mall Gazette. Besides
this it publishes from time to time elaborate
illustrated supplements gratis to its subscri
bers. Then there is The Pungolo, The Corriere
della Sera (40,000), and L'ltalia (15,000), the
last conducted in the American style. Genoa
has The Epoco (00,000), a democratic paper)
Naples The Piccolo, The Pungolo and several
others of considerable age, and Turin the
welfrknown Gazzetta del Popolo. But it is
the same cry with them all—repression, offi
cial and social, which afflicts them.
"In my own sphere I am trying a remedy
by making my business a co-operative affair,
giving my writers a share in tha profits in
addition to a salary. Not until an editor and
his staff can vie with a minister and bis cabi
net fn independence, riches, and popular es
teem-even power, as is often the case in
England and sometimes in France—can we
compel the respect of society ; and not until
we purge our statute books of injustice and
anomaly, and educate our masses, can the
Italian press be worthy to compete with the
press of northwestern Europe."—Foreign
Some Ilackneyed Names.
The casual visitor had dropped in to talk
with the editor, and opened by saying: "I
wonder why newspaper correspondents gen
erabv select such old, stale and hackneyed
names as Veritas, Observer and Citizen?"
"I don't know. Taxpayer is another."
"Yes, and Vox Populi." t
"And Justitia"
"And Junius."
"And Witness."
"I have brought you an article that may
come In handy oh a dull day."
"What name did you sign?"
"More Anon."—Lincoln Journal.
Extravagance la Dress.
Husband of Literary Woman—How are
you coming on with your magazine article?
Literary Woman—I've got it almost
"What is it about?"
"It denounces the extravagance in dress of
our modern women."
"What are you going todo with the money
you get from it?"
"I'm saving up to buy me a sealskin
sacque,"— Texas Siftings,
'Mid thirty centuries of dust and mold
We grope with hopeful heart and eager eye.
And hail our treasure trove if we but spy
A vase, a coin, a sentence carved of old
On Attic stone. Iu reverent hands we hold
Each message from the Past, and fain would try
Through myriad fragments dimly to descry
The living glories of the Age of Gold.
Vainest of dreams: This rifled grave contaius
Of Beauty but the crumbled outward grace.
The spirit that gave it life, Hellenic then,
Immortal and forever young remains.
But flits from land to land, from race to race.
Nor" tarries with degenerate slavish men.
—William Cranston Lawton in The Atlantic.
The Needs of Our Militia— The "State
Service'' Dress a Mistake.
To argue about the advantage of a uni
formity of arms between the states and the
general government would seem to be
scarcely necessary, so palpable ought it to be.
For one state to have Sharp's rifles, another
Remington, while the general government
uses Springfield, is to prevent an interchange
of ammunition and accouterments at a time,
perhaps, when such interchange might be in
valuable. The inconvenience of a difference
of armament in the same state is open to the
same objection, only with still greater force.
With regard to a uniformity of dress, how
ever, so strict as to preclude all individuality,
the gain seems less pronounced.
The tendency at present is to abolish regi
mental uniforms in favor of a state uniform
closely approximating to that of the general
government. So far as a fatigue or activeser
vice dress is concerned, this general uniform
ity of attire is undoubtedly advisal le, but I
think a distinctive uniform, and even a showy
one for dress occasions, has much to recom
mend it. A distinctive uniform gives esprit
du corj is, undoubtedly tempts and attracts a
larger enlistment, engenders greater care in
its preservation, and keeps alive the martial
fervor. I remember talking to a French
officer on this subject, and he told me that
there were once but two sizes of uniforms for
the French infantry, and the necessity of
every man to adjust himself to one of these
extremes caused greater dissatisfaction than
even could have been produced by short
Lord Wolseley is equally decided on the
value of dress uniforms. "The soldier is a
peculiar animal," he says, "who can alone be
brought to the highest efficiency by inducing
him to believe that be belongs to a regiment
infinitely superior to others about him. In
their desire to foster this spirit, colonels are
greatly aided by being able to point to some
peculiarity in dress." Again be says: "The
better you dress a soldier the more highly
will be lie thought of by women and conse-
quently by himself."
--Smart nfv-.s. ImmLy, picturesqueness has. itg._____
utility, much as this utilitarian age affects to
despise it, and we must not forget that if we
rob the soldier of his glamour there remains to
him little but cold steel.—North American
Review. ».
Contents of the Tramp's Bundle.
For many years I have been devoured by
an intense and abiding curiosity to know
what a tramp carries in his bundle. You
may have noticed that no matter where you
meet a tramp or under what circumstances,
he has a bundle with him. It may be done
compactly up in a newspaper or tightly
wrapped in old and dirty rags; it may be two
feet square or no bigger than your fist, but it
is always a bundle of some sort, and one to
which tie clings with the tenacity of death
itself. I have heard a number of conjectures
hazarded as to its possible contents. Some
critics have maintained that it holds food and
others that it is a mere dummy, contrived to
impose upon a credulous landlord at a half
dime lodging house. I have read newspaper
stories of fortunes concealed in the tramp's
bundle, and been told of occasions
when ihe bundle found in the possession of a
dead tramp contained family papers and
docurrents to prove that the late unlamented
was a person of high birth and exalted con
nections. But of my own knowledge I have
never been able to satisfy myself as to its
actual character, so that w hen I was accosted
the other day by a tramp with the usual bun
dle and a plea for the price of .a night's lodg
ings, I said to him:
"Tell me w hat is in y cur bundle and I'll
give you a dollar."
"Honest?" said the tramp.
I assured him of it.
"You won't give me away to a living soul?"
"I pledge you my word."
"Well, then," said my tramp, in a voice
full of alcohol and mystery, "I don't mind
telling you. It's my full dress suit. You see
a feller in m 3 ' position has to move in society
a good deal, and he must have his dress suit
ready, for he don't know when he may need
it."—Alfred Trumble in New York News.
A Shabby Sort of Enterprise.
New York city is the recognized headquar
ters in this country of every description of
scheming for the acquisition of wealth with
out labor. An attorney, whose place of busi
ness is in Aldrich court, remarked: "Among
the novel projects for making money which
I have come across recently is that of specu
lating in the franchises of interior towns and
cities for public improvements. Thus two or
three men in New York will make a raid on
some town to obtain a street cai franchise,
representing themselves backed by immense
capital, wüieb is onl\ T waiting an opportunity
of investment in street car lines. On secur
ing a franchise from the town by such repre
sentations they will come back to New York
and peddle it out for $500 or $1,000 or what
ever they can get for it. The result usually
is that the town gets a street car line with a
thirty pound T rail built on cross ties, and
cheap cars, which look very well when freshly
painted. The whole thing is sold out in a
hurry and some one gets left, while the town
itself has a miserable street car line on its
"The same process is being carried on in
reference to water works, gas works, electric
lighting fystems and similar public improve
ments. There are scores of men in New York
who make a living in just such shabby enter
prises. There is no way to head them off ex
cept for the authorities in the towns and vil
lages of the country to make closer investi
gation as to the character of people asking
for franchises."—New York Tribune.
Bobbing Bismarck's Park.
Prince Bismarck bas been compelled to
close his park nt Friedrichsruhe to the public
on account of the depredations committed by
visitors, which for a long time he took in
good part. It is related that when he re
cently caught some young ladies in the act
of plucking leav'es from a shrub, be told
them: "Ladies, if every visitor of this garden
would take along only one leaf, there would
soon be no more leaves left than there are
hairs on my head."—Chicago Times.

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