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Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, March 29, 1888, Image 1

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Volume XX2.
Helena, Montana, Thursday, March 29, 1888.
No. 18
Publisher» and Proprietors.
Largest Circulation of any Paper in Montana
Rates of Subscription.
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When not paid for in advance the rat« will be
Four iHjllar« peryeaii
Postage, in all case». Prepain.
Pity NtihwrUHTs. delivered by carrier 81.00 a month
One Year, by mail, (in advance)................. 8'.» 00
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If not paid in advance, 812 per annum.
'Entered at the Postofflce at Helena a» second
«las» matter.)
communication» should be addressed to
FISK. BKOS., Publishers,
Helena, Montana.
It was only a simple ballad,
gaig to it carelese throne ;
There were none that knew the singer,
And few that heeded the song;
■\ ct the »Inger'» voice was tender
Ami »weet a» witli love untold;
Surely those hearts were hardened
That It left so proud and cold.
She »sng of the wondrous glory
That touches the woods in spring,
Of the strange, soul-stirring voices
When •'the hills break forth and sing;
Of happy birds low warbling
The requiem of the day,
And the quiet hush of the valleys
In the dusk of the gloaming gray.
And once In a distant corner—
A woman worn with strife—
J). ard in that song a message
I rouI the spring time of her life.
Fair forms raised up before her
From the mist of vanished years;
She »at in a happy blindness.
Her eyes were veiled in tears.
Then, when the sotig was ended.
And hushed the last sweet tone,
The listener rose up softly
And went on her way alone.
One more to her life of lalxir
She passed ; but her heart was strong ;
And she praved, ' God bless the singer!
And oh, thank God for the song!"
(Aeon hath ten thousand acre«.
Ne'er a one have I ;
Geon dwelleth in a palace.
In a cottage I ;
Cleon hath a dozen fortunes.
Not a penny I ;
Yet the poorer of the twain is
Cleon, not 1.
Cleon, true, possesses acres.
Hut the landscape I ;
Half the charm to me it yieldetli
Money cannot buy ;
Cleon burbors sloth and dullness.
Freshening vigor I :
lie in velvet, I in fustian—
Kicher man am 1.
Cleon is A slave to grandeur,
Fr«*c as thought am I ;
Cleon fees a score of doctors,
Need of none have I ;
Wealth surrounded, care environ'd,
Cleon fears to die;
Heath may come, he'll lind me ready,
Happier man am 1.
Cleon sees no charm in nature,
Ina daisy I ;
Cleon hears no anthems ringing
Twlxt the sea and sky ;
Nature sings to me forever
Kämest listener, 1,
State for state, with all attendants—
Who would change'.' Not 1.
Pi«*s it pay, little boy, to be fretful and cross.
.lust because something seems to go wrong?
Isa frown any lighter to wear than a smile?
Hoes complaining seem manly and strong?
N an angry word uttered with any more ease
Than the soft word that turns wrath away"
Should you uiHke il a rule to give blow for blow
Ho you think, little boy, it would pay ? __
• -s*
Ikies it pay, little girl, to l»e sullen and pout.
Though your playmate unkindly may tease ?
Hoes the angry retort or a tit of the sulks
Make you feel any more at your ease?
Hoes Jour scolding or fretting bring right out of
wrong ?
Is a heart ever won in tills way ?
Ho your friends love to ses the dark frown on
your brow ?
Ami it not, little girl, docs it pay ?
I Vies it pnv, little lioy, little girl does it pay,
To lie rude in your action or speech ?
To forget the kind counsels of parents who love
And esteem not the lessons they teach"
To have selfish regard for your comfort alone ;
To he willful in having your way;
To respect not the feeling of playmate and
Little bov, little girl, does it pay?
Old fashioned'' Y'c», I must confess
The antique pattern of lier dress,
The ancient frills and furbelows.
The faded riblmns and the bows.
Why she should show those shrunken eiutrmi
That w rinkled neck, those tawny arm«,
I cannot guess ; her russet gown
Hound lier spare form hangs loosely down ;
Her Voice isthin and cracked : her eye
And smile have lost their witchery.
By those faint jests, that flagging wit.
By each attenuated curl,
She surely is. I must admit.
An odd" old-fashioned girl.
'Tts long, long since she had a la-au,
And now with those who sit «-row
Along the wall she takes her place,
\\ itli something of the old time grace.
She yearns to join the merry waltz.
And slyly »mil's lier smelling salts.
All, many hii angel in disguise
May walk before our human eyes !
YVhere'er the fever-smitten lie
In grimy haunts of poverty.
Along tiie dark and squalid street,
'Mong drunken jests of l»oor and churl,
She goes with swift ami pitying feet —
This same old-fashioned girl.
1 do not like to hear him pray
On bended knee about an hour.
For grace to spend aright the day.
Who knows his neighbor has no flour.
I'd rather see him go to mill
And buy the luckless brother bread.
And see his children eat their fill
And laugh beneath their humble shed.
I do not like to hear him pray,
"Let blessings on the widow be,"
Who never seeks lier home, to say.
"if want o'ertake you, come to me."
I hate the prayer so loud and long
That's offered for the orphan's weal.
By him who sees him crushed by wrong
And only with his lips doth feel.
I do not like to hear her pray,
With jeweled ear and sllkeu dress,
Whose washerwoman toils ull dav.
And theu Is asked to work for less.
Huch pious shavers I despise ;
With folded hands and face demure,
They lift to heaven their "angel eyes,"
And steal the earnings of the poor.
1 do not like such soulcss prayers;
If wrong, I hone to be fosgiven,
No angel wing them upward !>ears.
They're lost a million miles from heaven.
Extracts from the Valedictory Address
of Commander E. C. Waters at
the Fourth Annual Encamp
ment, Miles City, March
21, 1888.
Reports of the Several Staff Officers of the
Department for the Past Year
In his admirable address before the De
partment Encampment, Commander Waters
viewed at some length the wars of ancient
and modern times in historical succession,
and the great warriors who led armies to
battle and the causes they fought for. Re
ferring then to the War of the Rebellion
and the soldiers who saved the Nation, he
eloquently said :
I arrive now at the Grand Army of
which you are the worthy representatives.
Your are the representatives of that Grand
Army which gave to this land of ours the
rightful name of the "Land of the Free "
In all the length and breadth thereof there
are now none but free men. The Grand
Army that you represent has done much
lor this generation. They have put down
a most unholy rebellion, a rebellion that
shook this nation from center to circumfer
ence, rocking it to and fro; tottering first
to the right, then to the left, so greatly wus
it shaken upon it* strong foundation.
Those were times that tried men's souls.
But this Grand Army went forth
in those dark, dark days ; went
forth from their country homes, their
counting rooms, their families, and
loving friends, all at their country's call.
They endured hardships which none but
those who were there can ever know. I
can see them at Gettysburg, at Lookout
Mountain, at Fort Donaldson and Vicks
burg, in the Wilderness at Stone River, at
Chicamauga and Chancellorsville, at
l'ittsbnrg Landing and in the Shenan
doah. 1 can see them in Atlanta and on
the glorious march to the sea. And in all
these trying scenes this army was the same
subborn, persistent foe. With the same
lofty aim, with the same patriotism and
loyalty they struggled od, and linally vic
tory crowned their efforts and the Union
was preserved; the old flag was kept on
high, and the chains that bound 4,00U,<HX)
slaves were broken forever. While the
armies of Greece and Rome, of Germany, of
England, France and Russia were great
and noble ones, yet the Grand Army that
fought from 1861 to 1865 was by far the
greatest, grandest. The armies of
the Old World fonght some for con
quest, Borne to protect a royal
crown ; while others fought for self
aggrandi/.ement of a single soul ; bat your
noble army fought not for self-aggra-idize
ment, bat that yon might raise to the
light of day the down trodden wretches of
humanity and bid them go forth as free
and loyal men. That same spirit of loyal
ty and manhood prevailed at Appomattox
in dealing with your conquered foes; they
were not stripped of their all; they were
not treated as a vanquished army ; but
like brothers of an erring kind. The
great struggle of arms t hat you so well re
member was at an end, and they went
buck to their homes .and harvest fields,
their work shops and counting rooms.
Many venturesome spirits went to the far
West, then an unknown wilderness, and
there developed for themselves and fami
lies happy and prosperous homes. And
during these past and seemingly short
twenty-eight years this nation has nearly
paid its monstrous debt—paid by the
same generation and the same hands that
fought to save and destroy it.
These are facts. Where in the pages of
history do you find a nobler record ? And
still this government shrinks from its duty
towards its protectors ; turns a deaf ear
upon those who saved it from destruction
and kept its llag on high. Yes; as they
go down in the stream of life, battered and
broken beings, that constitution, once so
strong and full of vigor, has been shattered
from exposure, or nearly consumed by dis
ease contracted while fighting for their
country. And in their declining years and
feeble condition, they are reminded of a
nation's love ; of this government's grati
tude, as they are introduced to some lonely
home in a country poor house. How kind !
how considerate ! But such is the gratitude
of selfish man. But thanks to this Grand
Army of the Republic of to-day these
things are not allowed to be. That army,
so noble in war, is greater still in peace ;
and those unfortunate comrades are cared
for at your expense. That same noble
spirit prevails among you and you are doing
for those enfeebled comrades that which
our government lias neglected to do.
Yes; thrice refused, although its treasury
is now expanded nearly beyond its capac
ity. During the past year there has been
expended by the G. A. R. in relieving its
needy and destitute comrades and their
families $253,934, dispensed among some
24,585 persons; and I will venture to state
that there has been fully that amount con
tributed by private subscriptions by mem
bers of the G. K. A. in and for the re
lief of their dependent and infirm com
rades, makiDg in round numbers a grand
total of over $500,000. Such is the work
of the G. A. R. of to-day. Bat while we
care for those enfeebled and infirm, let ns
not forget the noble dead that gave up
their lives for their country. Some died
in the midst of bloody battle ; others of
ghastly and bleeding wounds in hospital ;
while many gave up their lives in South
ern prisons, mocked by famine and starva
tion, as the breath of life went forth from
their feeble and emaciated bodies.
Ijet ns pay to them such tributes as are
still in our power, and by yearly decorat
ing their graves we not only pay them a
just and kindly remembrance but inspire
in the rising gant ration that spirit ol loy
alty and patriotism so necessary to the
welfare of all nations.
I invite yonr attention to the reports of
the officers, which will show in detail the
the work of the several departments. I
would call yonr attention to the acting
quartermaster general's report, 1
will be seen that strict economy has
practiced, that onr finances are left in
an excellent condition, and although we
have made several extra bat necessary ex
penditures in the matter of tiwhog.
books, stationary, etc., we still have in the
acting quartermasters hands ^ i8704 ' < * n
increase of $117.84 since our last encamp
During the past year I have had the
pleasure of visiting the following posts and
find them all in a nourishing condition :
John Buford, Lincoln, Wadsworth. George
H. Thomas. Farragut, William English,
Frederick W'inthrop, Thomas L. Kane, J.
B. McPherson, U. S. Grant, John A. Logan
and George G. Meade. The only posts not
visited are Custer, Frank Blair and Stead
man. Everywhere I have been received in
the most cordial manner; and I cannot re
frain from taking this opportunity of ex
tending to my lieloved comrades my sincere
appreciation of the courtesies extended to
me, and for the warm, soldierly welcome
given me at the several posts. They shall
ever be held in grateful remembrance.
Daring the past year there has been
established in this department one new
post, (îeorge G. Meade No. 16, and there is
every prospect that there will soon be
three other posts established. Every effort
has been made at Department Headquar
ters to stimulate their organization, and I
trust soon to see them mustered.
One subject I earnestly comment to vour
attention and consideration, and in so doing
will quote trom a letter, a part of Com
mander Kountz's report to the National
Encampment at Portland, which is appli
cable to my case : "I sincerely trust that
G. A. R. soldiers everywhere will take
position to mold a sentiment among com
rades against the lavish misuse of titles.
Not only is the writer spoken of by the
press as General, but nearly all documents
and letters received by him come addressed
in the same way, or by some other distinc
tion of rank to which he has never attain
ed. While no comrade more highly honors
the soldiers who have worthily won and
worn rauk and title in the army, yet in
justice to the rank and file 'he reminds all
that his line of duty was in the ranks of
the army of his country, wherein he be
lieves faithful sei vice is a distinction and
honor of which any American citizen may
justly feel a glowing pride." Experience
has strengthened in my mind the opinion
expressed by Commander Kooniz, and I
trust the abuse will be abolished.
I am happy to be able to state that there
have been established several camps of the
Sons of Veterans in this department, all of
which are in a prosperous and nourishing
In conclusion allow me to extend to the
officers of this department my most hum
ble and sincere thanks for their hearty
support and co-operaiion. They have each
and every one of them discharged their
respective duties in a manner highly com
mendable to themselves and to the depart
ment. My fellow comrades, it will always
be a source of great pleasure and pride for
me, to look back in my declining years to
the year when I was your department
commander ; the association will ever be
among the brightest of life's memories,
and may He who doeth all things well
keep you in fidelity, charity and loyalty,
and may He ever watch over all comrades
of the G. A K.
The report of Assistant Adjutant Gen
eral Culver, read to the encampment,
shows a Grand Army membership of 519
in the department. There has been mus
tered during the year George G. Meade
Post, No. 17, December 23, 1887, T. C.
Davidson commander. The gains and
losses for the year are as follows: Gains,
by muster, 102; by transfer, 5; by reinstate
ment, 324; total gain, 431. Losses, by
death, 12; by honorable discharge, 4; by
transfer, 16; by suspension. 412; total loss,
444. This leaves a balance of 506 mem
bers in good standing, showing a Joss of 13
members. There are two posts with a total
membership of 36 that were necessarily
suspended by being delinquent, which will
be reinstated the present quarter, as their
reports have been received since being
reported delinquent, so that we have an
actual gain of 23. There has been ex
pended in charity, as shown by the quar
terly returns $374 38, but if to this sum we
could add the actual amount paid out by
individual comrades, I have no doubt the
amount would quadruple the sum above
Inspector General Romeyn during July
and August visited and inspected ten posts
of the Department. Among other matters
submitted by this officer to the encamp
ment were these :
Owing to the distance many comrades
reside from the place of meeting, and the
difficulty which exists in most towns of
using the same hall for several societies, it
was found very difficult to get together a
quorum if the visit of the inspector was
made on any other date than the regular
time of post meeting, and in the same in
stances the only inspection which could be
made was of books, papers and money
accounts. It was found that while all lands
had been properly accounted for and in
most instances books were neatly and
properly kept, there were some posts in
which not much attention had been paid
to forms, the comrades seeming to be of
the opinion that so long as the post was
satisfied with expenditures, that was all
that was required.
Of soldier inmates of alms houses only
two were lonnd, with a third cared for
in the poet hospital at Fort Custer. Trans
portation was obtained for those in Caster
county alms house to the Soldiers Home
at Milwaukee, CV"is., and one sent, bat the
other committed saicide, being insane, the
day before his transportation was received;
another, discharged from the regular ser
vice at Fort Keogh, worn oat with long
and hard service, was also provided with
a place at the same home.
Of sodier's widows or orphans depending
upon charity, none were reported as
wholly dependent, though several have re
ceived aid daring the past year. Careful
inquiry disclosed the fact that in what
might perhaps be considered the modesty
of charity, comrades in many instances
gave privately, making no record of the fact
or amount, a fact which, while it may get
equal or more credit in the hearts of the
relieved, does not make possible a fair
statement of the amount contributed by
the order for charitable purposes.
Soldiers' graves unmarked by head
stones: A number were so reported and
comrades making the report were instruct
ed how to proceed in order to proenre
them from the Q. M. Gen'l of the army at
Deaths during the past year: Eight
deaths are reported, but the returns are
in some cases defective and all may not
have been accounted for. The number
known is certainly bat a small percentage
for the number of comrades in the depart
Delayed pensions : Inquiry under this
head was made not .with the hope of aiding
individual cases, so mach as of accelerat
ing in some way the work of the pension
bureau as might be deemed necessary at
the next meeting of the department or
national encampment, but one or two cases
were cited, and the reason for delay was
fonnd to be want of required evidence.
In this connection It might not be out ot
place to Bta'e that èlose attention to the
column known as "The (Question Squad - '
in the National Tribime since January 1,
1887, has enabled me to furnish informa
tion required by over twenty applicants,
of those with whom they or their friends
had served during the war.
Some irregularities were found in the way
of conducting meetings. In some cases
the countersign was not demanded, the of
ficer of the day merely verifying by a
glance the membership of those present.
In one instance a number of candidates
were balloted for in a body.
Believing that a oareful and systematic
inspection would be of value, it is earn
est ly recommended that, if the friends ol
the department will admit, at least fifty
per cent, be added io the amount appro
priated last year and that it possible each
poet be inspected by the department in
spector, or by a comrade detailed for the
purpose from some of the other posts.
Whv the .Men Don't Marry.
I From the Jersey City Journal.1
The annual discussion of why more men
do not marry is going the rounds of the
papers. Home of these find the reason in
the dress and expensive habits of young
women. Bat that is not the conclusion of
the New York Press. "The truth is," sa} s
the Press, "that this country over, there
are not in aDy community, large or small,
enough of bright, energetic, honest, straight
forward young men to marry the good,
home-loving and prudent young women to
be found there. So that, if the girls marry
at all, about a third or a half of them must
be cheated ; not because they wish to be,
but because they can't help it. The young
men are not worth marrying, so this cheat
ing is inevitable."
There is doubtless some truth in this,
especially in some of the larger cities like
New York, but the Press makes too sweep
ing a statement when it includes all places
great or small, in its statement. There are,
doubtless, many places where honest and
straightforward yooDg men are about as
plenty as good hrbme-loving and prudent
young women. Still it is doubtless true
that the increasing extravagance and cost
of living, and the desire of young conple to
begin life where their parents leave off - ,
effectually frightens many a young man
who would be able and only too glad to
start a home in a modest way, commen
surate with his limited income. In laying
the sin of extravagance at the door of the
fair sex we do not wish to lie understood
as irnp'y ng that the young man of the
period is tree trom it.
But thecase is perhaps different with him.
He knows what his faults are in this line,
and feels that he would be willing to fore
go some of them for the sake ot a home,
provided he could believe that the yoimg
lady whom he wishes to make his wife
would do the same. But if he does not
want to give up a few expensive luxuries
or feels that he must support his wife with
all the "style" possible, even from the first,
then the blame must rest with him. If
marriage is really going out of fashion ihe
fault is not confined to either sex, and as
the blame is divided, so must the responsi
bility be. Let there be less extravagance
on both sidos and more frankness in re
gard to money matters, and ways and
means generally, between those who con
template matrimony, and we shall hear
less of this periodic question, "Why don't
the men marry ?"
About Kissing.
in New York Star.)
I have never been an ardent advocate of
kissing, but I am sure the people who are
must have reduced it to a fine art.
Naturally the enjoyment depends large
ly on the person who is kissed, and after all
there are only two people worth kissing—
that is, men people ; one is a boy baby,
aDd the other is a man who is devoted
to you. Kissing a baby, a nice, sweet,
baby, must have been one of Eve's consola
tions, while kissing a man who is fend of
one is delightful, because he always seems
to like it so much. 1 thiuk it is wiser for
a woman not to like it, because then she
doesn't commit the crime in a spirit of wild
impulsiveness, but goes at it with a per
fect consciousness that she knows how to
do it, and in the very best way.
Little women, as a general thing, have
the better of it as far as kissing a man is
concerned, because they have to reach up ;
that generally necessitates patting a hand
on each shoulder, and the human repre
sentative of a Newfoundland dog is charmed
to his soul because the little woman likes
him so mach. The woman who has to
reach np to a man can always control him.
Her size acquits her of her folly, and he is
certain to regard her as a dear little thiDg,
and never sees her Machiavelian schemes
for mining him.
If I had daughters I should pat heavy
weights on their heads in early childhood
to keep them from growing very tall, be
cause to the small comes the victory.
Look at Celeopatra ; ehe was little. Helen
of Troy barely reached to the shoulders of
the man who loved her, and hi latter days
Catherine of Russia and Marie Stnart
were both slender aD(l rather small.
The Age of Houses.
I Mechanical News.)
A brick dwelling with a shingle roof is
estimated to last seventy-five years, and
depreciates II per cent, per year ; the plas
tering therein thirty years, 3j per cent.;
painting seven years, 14 per cent.; cornice
and base ten years, 14 per cent.; shingles
and dtitside blinds 21 per cent.; sheathing
fifty years, 2 per cent.; flooring twenty
years, 5 per cent; doors, windows, inside
blinds, stairs and newels thirty years, 31
per cent.; bnildingware twenty years 5 per
cent ; piazzas and porches twenty years 5
per cent.; sills and first floor joists forty
years, 21 per cent.; dimension lumber
seventy-five years, 1J per cent.
He knew that she painted and padded, but be
The secret would never betray,
But when os a bride at the altar stood she.
The old fellow "gave her away."
Oowrmr Joel Farker'a Fnccess ia Crawl
ing Out of a Small Hole.
An incident which illustrates Governor
Parker's readiness in extricating himself
from an unexpected dilemma was related by
him to the writer some years ago. While bo
was a member of the bouse of assembly, in
1848, a question of some local and political
importance came up, and the then young and
rising statesman decided to oppose it vigor
ously. To this end he prepared an elaborate
speech, in which he let his patriotic fire
burst into ilame. He was so well pleased
with his effort that he told a friend what he
was going to say. To emphasize one portion
of his-speech ho re f erred to an oil portrait of
"Washington, w hich hung on the wall at tho
right of the sjieaker's desk. When lie got to
that portion of his speech, lie exclaimed:
"And even the Father of his Country"—Ho
raised his hand and lifted his eyes toward
where ho supposed the picture was. It had
been removed by bis waggish friend. He
instantly added, "has been taken uway in
fear that be would blush for shame at tho
passage of this iniquitous measure."—New
York Sun.
Forgot Himself.
Once w hen Edwin Forrest went to Detroit
he produced "Metamora." Sujiei-s were en
gaged to personate warrioi-s, and among
them-was a bright Irish lad w ho bad a lurid
admiration for the great tragedian. At that
point in the play where Metaniora asks,
"Am I not the great chief of the Fottnwato
mies?" the supers are supposed to grunt,
"Ugh! Ugh!" The stage manager had care
fully drilled them in what they were ex
pected to do, but on the night of the per
formance our young friend was so trans
ported by Forrest's acting as to quite forget
that he was impersonating an Indian. When
Forrest turned to tho assembled warriors and
thundered forth, "Am I not the great chief
of tho Pottawatomies?" the Irish boy's en
thusiasm broke all restraint. He leaiied into
the air with a wild Bbout, and, twirling his
tomahawk about his head, replied: "Yees
airl yees air!"—Boston Traveler.
Our "Tim" Enjoyed Mrs. Whit iiey'» Dinner.
Congressman Tim Camplxll is a quaint
figure iu the halls of legislation, if there is
anything that will mille his temper more
than another it is to be balked in his efforts
to get an office. Ho has been having some
trouble with Pay Director Stevenson lately,
and Secretary Whitney has had his hands
full keeping Tim within bounds. Nou long
ago he hit upon the idea of inviting Campbell
to diue with him. He was careful to make
Tim tho soie guest of the evening, perhaps
not as a distinguished honor, but rather as a
precautionary measure. Campliell came and
had a good time without making any partie
ularly queer remark. When lie got into his
overcoat he suddenly turned to Mi s. Whit
ney, and in a burst of enthusiasm over his
entertainment he said: "There were no dies
on that dinner. You can bet your life on
that."—Washington Letter.
YYIiere It Touched Him.
In his youth the late Charles Darwin was
passionately moved by music. He often
spoke of a peculiar sensation of coldness or
shivering in hi3 back on bearing beautiful
music, and an old friend quotes a remark
malle on the occasion of their bearing a fine
anthem. At the end of an exceedingly im
pressive part he turned to his friend, asking
seriously and with a deep sigh: "How's
vour backbone?"—Tho Argonaut
On the Force.
People who have been clubbed by polie»
men naturally seek court plasters.—New
Haven News.
A Baltimore policeman has for a reccru
mendation that he walks in his sleep.— Yonk
ers Statesman.
Policemen are mysterious creatures, and
frequently express themselves in a cro.»s
sticks.—New Haven News.
It is said that Diogenes could sleep soundly
even in a tub, and it is hinted that il. echt
man had policemen's blood l imning through
bis veins.—Yonkers Statesman.
No Equaling Chicago.
Omaha Child—Did you see the eclipse tf
the moon? I did. You ought to liavu seer,
it. It only happens once a year.
Chicago Child—Don't you have tl.nn
oftener than that in Omaha?
"Why, no."
"Such a place! Pooh! Why in Chicago
the moon gets eclipsed 'most every night."-
Omaha World.
Higher Education.
Mrs. Biggs—Now that your son has re
turned from college, do you feel repaid for
your outlay for his education ! Did he take
any prizes? Mrs. Squiggs—Oh, yes, mum,
yes, indeed. Ho got a medal for what ho
calls sprinting, and he must be high up in
mathematics, for ho says he's learned four
new curves.—Scranton Truth.
A Talented Girl.
He (to Miss Breezy, of Chicago)—Y"our
friend, Miss Shawsgarden, of St. Louis, is
something of a linguist, is she not, Miss
Miss Breezy—Yes. Clara speaks French,
German and the Missouri languages.—New
York Sun. ______
"Bishop" Oberly'» Confidence Restored.
"Bishop" Oberly, the civil service commis
sioner, is one of the most entertaining talk
ers here, and tells 6ome very funny stories.
Here is one of them. He says that many
years ago, when a young man, he was elected
to the assembly in Illinois. He was fright
ened when the time came for him to go to
the capitol at Springfield, for he was con
scious that he was not the possessor of a pol
ished education. He feared that he would
be paled by the flashing of bright intellects
all around him. He took his seat on the first
day iu fear and trembling, but in five min
utes he was put perfectly at ease, and was
even made to think that, perhaps, he might
be one of those who would "shine." This
was what wrought the great change in his
"Mr. Speaker," 6aid one assemblyman,
"there are no ink in the inkstands."
Young Oberly was amazed. "Well," he
thought, "is this the kind of timber they
Bend here?"
Up rose another assemblyman, since fa
mous the country over.
"Mr. Speaker," said he, "there are ink, but
it are froze in the bottles."
That was all young Oberly needed to put
him perfectly at ease in the legislature.—
New York Tribune.
What's tiie Matter with Adam and Eve?
The earliest partnership mentioned in the
Bible was Jerry Co.—Duluth Paragraphen
A Case of Sunstroke liy Electricity.
I Hartford Courant.)
A highly interesting and suggestive ac
count of what may be called sunstroke by
electricity was recently printed in the St
James Gazette. At the Creuzot foundry, in
France, an electric furnace is used, in
which the light equals that of 100,000
candles, and the beat is such that steel
melts like butter in a few seconds. Now,
people standing about at a distance of a
lew yards feel no heat, a thermometer five
yards away does not indicate much increase
of température. Yet a subtle influence is
at work, and a spectator who remains for
an hour or two is said to experience "a
burning sensation, with more or less pain
in the neck, face and forehead, the skin at
the same time assuming a coppery
ied tint. Later symptoms are head
ache and sleeplessness. A fterward
the skin gradually peels off iu
broad flakes, while the complexion is left
of a tine brick color." The symptoms are
those of continued exposure to hot, bright
sunlight. In extreme cases they are those
of sunstroke, though the only apparent
agent has been intense light. As to this it
must be remembered that the quality of
radiant heat is to pass through the air with
out appreciably raising its temperature.
When it meets a caloric body that body is
heated, as illustrated in a room warmed by
a glowing tire. The air may not be warmer
than fifty degrees, while the furniture is
warm to the touch, yet no sense of chilli
ness is experienced, because the body and
its clothes Lave the property of absorbing
the heat thrown out from the fire. In the
same way the intense heat of the electric
focus may exert its influence at a distance.
The value of the observation, if it is cor
rectly reported, lies in its suggestion as to
the way in which sunstroke of the
type indicated is produced. It suggests,
lor instance, the whole matter may
be a question of the rapidity ot the vibra
tions originated by the luminous body,
whether those that are known under the
name of light, or those slower ones that
are described by the word heat. Molecu
lar changes in the system due to heat or
light, or both, produce in some way not yet
definitely explained the affection known
as sunstroke. Whatever throws light on
the conditions or nature of these changes
helps to clear up a very obscure and puz
zling subject, specially related to the func
tions of the nervous system, and bearing at
the same time on the mechanics of ethereal
vibrations. Heat, light and chemical effect
are all connected and very possibly all in
volved in this particular problem. It
offers magnificent possibilities for students
who have the courage and patience to at
tack it.
A Case of Law and Soap.
A Missouri constable rode out to a farm
near St. Joe, armed with a subpoena for a
woman who was wanted as a witness in a
case in court. He found her in her back
yard busily engaged in stirring a boiling,
bubbling mats in a large black kettle. He
stated his business and she said:
"I can't go to-day."
"But you must."
"What's the hurry ?"
"Why, the coart is in session, and the
case is now on trial. They want you by
"Well, I ain't going. You think I'm
going off and leave this hull kettle o' soit
soap to spile just to please your old court?
No, sirree !"
"Why, my dear madam, you must. You
really don't seem to understand—"
"I understand that I've got a big kettle
o' splendid soap grease on to bile, and it'll
make thiD, sticLy soap if it ain't finished
to day. You go back and tell the jedge
SO ^
"You'll be fined for--"
"Foob ! I d like to see the Missoury jury
that'd fine a woman for not leavin' her soap
biliu' when P was at a critical pint, as one
might say. Tell the jedge I'll come to
morrow, if we don't butcher our pcegs
then, an' if we do, I'll come some day next
"But I tell you that won't do. You must
come now."
"Lookee. young mas, you think I'm a
fool ? I reckon you never made any soap,
did yon ? If yon had you'd know that—"
"What does the judge care about your
soap !"
"Well, what do Icare about the jedge,
if it come3 to that? Law's law, andsaap's
soap. Let the jedge 'tend to his law and
I'll 'end to my soap The good hook says
there's a time for everything, an' this is my
time for a bar'l o' soft soap."
"Well, madame, if yon want to be fined
tor contempt of court, all right. You will
be fined sure as—"
"Bah ! I know all 'bout the law, an'
there ain't anything in it, nor in the con
stitution of the United States, nor in the
declaration of injependecce, nor in nothin'
else, that says a woman's got to leave a
kittle o' half-cooked soap, and go off to
court when she ain't a mind to. I guess I
know a little law myself."
Japanese Sacred Nuts.
(Pittsburg Dispatch.)
A quantity of Japanese sacred nuts, the
*ist ever brought to this country, has just
been received at a New York fruit store.
Tfcey are called sacred from the fact that
they are used in certain forms of Japanese
worship. The nnts are placed on the
altars and ignited. They barn with a
bluish flame, and give off a peculiar odor.
They are rich in oil, and the fames are
supposed to rise as incense to the gods
They grow under water, have a leaf like a
pond lily, and are shaped like a steers
head, with two projecting horns. They
retain their qualities ten or fifteen years,
and are fit lor food when even twenty
years old.
Where They Landed.
Newspaper Advertiser—Been sending cir
culars to people, I see.
Business Rival— Um— yes, I sent out a
small lot last night. How did yon find it
"I saw them scattered around the post
office floor where people get their letters.—
Omaha World.
Distanro Leads Enchantment.
Bobby—Clara was telling ma that she had
a call from you through the telephone yester
day, Mr. Featherly.
Featherly—Yes; and what did yonr sister
■ay, Bobby?
Bobby—She said it was the pleasantest call
she ever had from you—The Epoch.
The Shooting of tien. Nelson.
Mr. Lincoln was much troubled when hs
learned that his "sailor dragoon," Gen. Nel
son, had lioen shot by Gen. Davis in a hotel
at Louisville. Gen. Nelson was over six feet
in height, weighed over 250 pounds, and was
notoriously strong, while Gen. Davis was a
quiet little gentleman, who never troubled
any one.
Senator Morton, with Gens. Nelson and
Davis, were conversing together, when Nel
son became excited aud deliberately slapped
Davis in the right cheek. Davis and Morton
stepped back, and Morton gave Davis a pis
tol. Davis advanced toward Nelson, who
was leaning against the bar, leveled the pistol
aud fired. A t the puff of the revolver Nelson
put his hand on his heart, and when the by
standers ran up they heard him say: "I'm a
dead man. Send for au Episcopal clergy
His friends carried him into a little room
under the stairs. They opened his clothes
and found near the heart a little blue mark
about the size of a buckshot, and that was all.
The wound had closed; no blood was run
ning; you would hardly notice that it was a
wound. By good luck there was an Episco
pal clergyman, a man with whom Nelson
was ultimate, in the house. He was sent for
and came immediately, and when ho entered
the room all others withdrew. In about ten
minutes we were told that Nelson was dead.
Quite a number came running up at the
sound of the shot and among them a police
mau, who arrested Davis. Davis went with
him quietly, but upon Gen. Buell lieing in
formed of it he made a demand upon the
mayor for the delivery of Davis to him,
which, after a momentary hesitation, was
done. No notice was taken of the affair.
Everybody felt sorry that Nelson was killed,
but they understood that Davis could not do
anything else than what he did do. He had
been struck, and if he hadn't resented it he
would luce been disgraced and compelled to
leave the army. He could not resent it any
other way.—Beu: Perley Foore in Boston
Limits of Human Senses.
The limited nature of tho human senses,
whereby we may fail to perceive an all per
vading "second universe," has been greatly
emphasized by tho progress of science since
Isaac Taylor reasoned from it in his "Physi
cal Theory of Another Life" half a ceutury
ago. Improvement in spectroscopy aud pho
tography show that invisible rays extend as
far beyond the violet end of the spectrum as
the length of the spectrum itself, and indeed
must continue until the vibrations "become
infinitely rapid and infinitely small." Some
of these ultra rays can bo made visible by in
terposing a substance that lessens their re
Professor Stokes, the physicist, found that
when a tube filled with a solution of quitiiue
sulphate was moved along the spectrum, "on
arriving nearly at tho violet extremity a
ghostlike gleam of pale blue light shot across
the tub; it did not cease until the tube
had been moved far beyond tho violet ex
tremity of the spectrum visible on the
screen." The wave lengths of the spectrum
sun rays havo been measured, ani wo per
ceive only those that are from about one
forty to one sixty thousandth of an inch; to
all others we are blind. So of sound; the
human ear, practically, hears only those
sounds that come from forty to 4,000 vibra
tions of the air per second, though the pos
sible limit has lieen traced to near 40,000. The
microphone reveals a new range of notes, and
it is conceivable that this instrument, iu con
nection with sympathetic and harmonic
vibrations, may bring dora to audibility still
higher sources of sound. It is not affirmable
that any construction of mortal eye and ear
could disclose the supernal; but it is certain
that there is very much visible that we dou't
know how to discern.—The Forum.
Rescue of (lie Shipwrecked.
A new plan for tho rescue of shipwTecked
sailors, which it is thought is a great im
provement on the inventions now employed,
has been proposed to Secretary Whitney by
Rear Admiral Ammen. It consists of tho
construction of what is called a balsa, or a
float. The rear admiral suggests the follow
ing method of launching them: "Tho head
sail should lie hoisted so as to bring tho wind
quarterly; oil bags would be thrown over
from each quarter. The railing at the stem
fitted for unshipping would be let down and
tho launching skids put iu place and tho
balsa carried aft by eight men and lowered
with four on it. Then a rough car to fit in
the skids would bo loaded with the helpless
persons and lowered to the balsa, be received
and placed, and ths operation continued until
the boat has her load, then she would bo cast
adrift, make a drag of her mast aud sail,
throw overboard her oil bag, and the same
operation would be repeated until every ono
was embarked. Then they should fasten to
each other in sections of fives." The balsa
consists of two casks, upon which a platform
is laid. In the casks are scuttles for stowing
provisions. A sufficient number of them to
carry a thousand people could, in the opinion
of tho rear admiral, be carried on a largo
steamer without iucouvenieuce.—Chicago
Flea for tho Public Schools.
Criticise the public schools as wo please, wo
are all obliged to own, after investigation,
that they offer to every child who eaters
them certain advantages which no private
wealth can buy. In our cities and largo
towns they are. to begin with, as clean as tho
decks and cabins of a man of war. Every
child who entere them learns, so far as the
school rcom influence goes, habits of neat
ness, method, decorum and punctuality—
points of training hardly to be surpassed In
their importance, not only for the mental,
but for the moral nature. When I enter
such a school room, and come upon fifty
little people marching iu procession to or
from their seats, obedient to a wave of a
finger from the resolute youth or maiden who
has them in charge, and when I reflect that
all across a continent, from tho Atlantic to
the Pacific, this same process is going on,
then that modest teacher's work rises into
sublimity, an<> seems ono among innumerable
shuttles that are together weaving the vast
web of a new generation.— "T. W. H." iu
Harper's Bazar.
Old I July (to a boy in drug store)— I havo
pains runnin' up and down my back aud I
guess you can give me a bottle of liniment.
Boy—Wot kind will you have?
"What's the cheapest you have?
"I kin give you a good horse liniment for
$1 a bottle."—Texas fc*if tings.
Wanted Work—For His Wife.
Applicant— Flease, ma'am, can you help a
poor man who is out of work?
Woman—I guess I can find something for
you to da
Applicant (gratefully)—Thanks. If yon
could give me some washing to do I'll take it
home to my wife.—The Epoch.

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