Helena weekly herald. [volume], August 08, 1889, Image 1

About Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900

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Volume xxiii
Helena, Montana, Thursday, August 8, 1889
No. 37
tflcrMu |£jcralil.
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Helena, Montana.
THE (iKANI)MOTHEK'S DREAM.
He quiet, love, my heart comes,
His feet 1 hear upon the stair.
And know the lightly sprlngin* step
That marks a spirit free from care.
To meet him blushing at the door
Is well, ah well, for life is sweet,
Y« t. who would paint the tender grace
That fills the hour when lovers meet?
We wander down the orchard lane.
Past fruitage blooms and leafy wood,
Where singing birds and blooming flowers
Bu hymns < f joy to God the good.
The psnsy spreads beside the way,
Her innocent upturning eyes,
The lowing cows, the lambs at play.
But make a dream of paradise.
Be quiet, heart, my husband comes,
To he r his step upon the street
Our children leave ttieir careless play,
And hasten out their sire to greet,
But baby waits upon my lap,
And laughs and coos with baby gra e,
To tell for me ihe silent joy
That fills my heart to see his face.
The years glide on in shine and shock,
And toil is sweet for love is strong.
To soothe the trying rcenes of life.
And fill our hearts with happy song,
Life that though burdened yet is love,
With rays I om heaven filtering through
The can py that half conceals
The good to be from mortal view.
He comes attain, my husband comes;
His head is gray, his rtep is slow.
The same sweet grace his presence brings
1 list filled my heart so long ago. '
We sit t' gether by the hearth,
Our children tread life's busy way.
We closer clasp our trembling hands
And journey toward life's closing day.
He comes not, conics not, now again
I sit beside the hearth and wait;
No more, no more his step I hear.
Nor list his whistle at the gate.
A river dark between us rolls,
But God is good and love is strong;
He waits me on the other side.
Be quiet, heart, he waits not long.
—Hannah Taylor in Cliicaso Inter Ocean.
The New States.
[Salt Lake Tribune |
All that will be needed in case Wash
ington, Montana and the two Dakotas
adopt their consiitutions on the first of
October, will be a proclamation by the
President, so that before the regular meeting
of Congress there will be four new States.
The Senate will have an increase of eight
members and the House of Representatives
an increase ol five. Speaking of it the East
ern papers, some of them we mean, by
covert sneers betray the fact that there is
a jealousy felt that the Far West shall
have any more representation in Congress.
It is difficult to nndertand this feeling.
The grown men in the Far West, as a rule,
came from the Eastern States originally.
They split firewood and carried their din
ners to the country school; they know ex
actly how people lived in the East, and in
what grooves their lives are lived; their
sojourn in the West has not dimmed
one memory of their childhood, or of
the people among whom they first
lived. If boys so raised have gone to the
mountains and the deiert, and laid there
the foundations of States, it would seem
that the men of the East would exult in
theirachievements and rejoice in their prog
ress. And when the character of the re
gion they have subdued is understood, it
would seem that the admiration would in
crease. Washington, by itself, in size, in
resources, in hopes of the luture, makes a
New England on the west corst, except
that in native resources she is far superior
to the old New England, and she faces a
softer ocean. Land-locked she has an in
ner sea where all the world's fleets might
lie fitted out, and her fishing grounds ex
tend to Behring Sea. She has a wealth of
lumber and agricultural lands that the
men of New England cannot comprehend.
She has mines of gold and silver and iron
that will keep engines hoisting and
hammers ringing to the world's end.
Not less pretentious is Montana. She
leads the world in the production
of the precious metals, and what she pro
duces has its effect upon values clear to
the Atlantic. She has an empire of agri
cultural and grazing lands; she offers to
the young and brave snch inducements as
almost no other land under the sun does.
The Dakotas are creations of the last
twenty five years. "What was a waste is
now a land of homes, churches and school
houses. New England's fitst race did not
begin their first settlement with any more
courage than did the men of Dakota, and
they lacked the locomotive for an evangel
and the gang plow and reaper for the mis
sionaries. No States ever asked for admis
sion with a better right, no States, save Cal
ifornia alone, ever presented snch claims as
will these. And they will not go as sup
pliants, but as the peers of the very best,
peers in their acquired resources and
strength and in the brains and hearts of
their people._ __ _
How the Shah Keeps Accounts.
Nasr ed-Deen, like many other poten
tates, is fond of money, and is supposed to
possess a colossal fortune. He pays small
salaries to his servants and dignitaries if
the money comes out of his own pocket
that is, out of the legitimate revenues of
the country—but he pays at least promptly
and fairly what he agrees to pay. After
deducting wbat he he deems right for the
army, administration and household pur
poses, he puts the balance away every year
into his private treasury. Once the money
—which mnst always be coin—has been
dumped into his vaults, no power on earth
can induce the Shah to give the slightest
portion of it back again or to touchait for
anv purpose whatsoever. When he is com
pelled to borrow money from the Ameri
cans, he pays usurious interest sooner than
go to his strong box and take from its
illimitable treasures the smallest sum. J5JL
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'W
LYMAN E. KNAPP.
'Ihe Newly Appointed Governor
Alaska.
of
Lyman E. Knapp, the recently appointed
Governor of Alaska, is a native of Ver
mont, born in 1837, and is of the same age
as Senator Plnmb, at present one of Hele
na's distinguished gnests. Mr. Knapp
hails from Somerset and is a graduate of
Middlebury C< liege. He has a soldier
record of three years in the Union army
and rose to the rank of Lieutenant Colonel.
He was wounded several times hut not
seriously. Returning to civil life he edited
a newspaper at Middlebury. In 1872 he
was made clerk of the State House of Rep
resentatives, and 1876 was admitted to the
bar. The same year he was elected a Rep
resentative to the Vermont Legislature.
From 1879 to the time of his new appoint
ment he was Judge of the local Probate
Court.
Who the People of Massachusetts Are
The people of Massachusetts were
formerly a homogeneous people, and almost
purely English.
"About one in a hundred could say that
his family came from Scotland or the norih
of Ireland; one in five hundred may have
been the grandchild of a Huguenot. Ex
treme poverty was almost unknown, and
there were few who could not read and
write. Upon religious and political ques
tions these people thought very much
alike. Except upon the sea coast nearly
all the people lived upon farms ; but all
along the coast were many who lived by
fishing and by building ships, and in the
towns dwelt many merchants grown rich
by foreign trade."
From this piciure of the New England of
a century ago, look upon this of the Massa
chusetts of the present decade. In place of
a homogeneous people of common faith
and common speech and common love for
the commonwealth and reverence for its
traditions, in the factory towns and com
mercial cities dwell great populations
diverse in creed and in tongue, untrained
to liberty and a republican form of govern
ment, and with no respect for the ashes of
the dead from which has sprung our father
land. Out of a population of 1,942,141, ac
cording to the census of 1885, the
foreign-born number 526,867, none
including such children of alien parentage
as have been born in the United States.
There are 122,263 illiterate persons ten
years of age and over, of whom 88 63 per
cent, are of foreign birth, and only 6.78
per cent, were born in this State. The
foreign born represent one fifth of the peo
ple employed in agriculture, one half of
those employed in the fisheries, two-fifths
of these employed in the manufactures
and two-thirds of those employed in min
ing and as laborers.— Prof. A. L. Bartlett in
the August Forum.
Onr Hangers from Aliens.
[Bishop Coze in August Forum,J
In a calm review of hit tory, have we not
reason to ask ourselves, What of this
second century ? Shall our children's
children see another commemoration of
Washington and the Constitution ? I
think every thoughtful man must pro
nounce such a consummation improbable
in the extreme. It seems so to me.
To make a trnly great nation and to give
perpetuity to its institutions we are taught
by history to demand (1) a capable founda
tion of race, (2) an hereditary system of
public morals, and (3) a spirit of fidelity
of national traditions and of adhesion to
tried and long established institutions.
The race that gave birth to American na
tionality is the only race in bnman history
that has proved itself capable of self gov
ernment, or of creating and maintaining free
institutions and laws that co-operate with
freedom. Bnt the reports from Castle Gar
den alone should be enough to arouse the
American spirit to demand a radical im
provement of onr naturalization laws.
Every year thousands who can neither
write their names nor speak the language
in which onr constitution and our laws are
written, become voters. We endow these
with almost immediate power to neutral
ize the votes of the native born, who
mnst live four times as long un
der their own flag before they can
exercise the franchise of electors. Why an
American mother must submit to this dis
crimination against her boys, in favor of the
vomit of vessels that give birth to voters
four times as fast, if not already qnite as
numerous, seems worthy of statesmanlike
inquiry. Is there national spirit left
among ns to assert that the time has come
to govern America by honest American
voters, and to demand that no snch prefix
as Irish or German or Mormon shall be suf
fered to qualify the American name? If
not, free institutions and popular govern
ment mnst perish, even here, where they
might flourish forever under the conditions
I have indicated and not otherwise.
A Serious Warning.
(August "Forum.")
The most serious warning that has re
cently been made against the influence of
unassimilated foreigners on our social and
political life, is given by Bishop A. Cleve
land Coxe, ot Northern New York, who
doubts the perpetuity of our institutions if
present tendencies continue. He regards a
capable race-foundation, a fixed system of
public morals, and fidelity to national tra
ditions as essential to our national perpetu
ity, and he finds reason to believe that all
these are undermined by aliens.
ENERGY ESSENTIAL TO DC SS.
Prof. Wm. Mathews Enumerates Many
Notable Examples.
Wbat mental or moral quality is most es
sential to worldly success? Dr. Arnold, of
Rugby, used to say, as he recalled the ca
reers of the boys who had been educated
at his Bchool, that the main difference be
tween men in life is simply one of energy;
and I think be was right. A careful study
of history and biography, as well as perso
nal observation, will Bhow that this quality
is more indispensable in the struggle of life
than many others united. Without it, men
of the finest intellectual gifts push them
selves but rarely to the front, while, on the
other hand, men of moderate abilities, but
endowed with great energy, succeeded be
yond expectation of ail who know them.
Of course I do not mean to assert that mere
energy will in itself suffice. No man can
succeed in life who has not a fair amount
of common sense, perception of opportuni
nities and persistence, together with some
knowledge of his calling. It is absurd to
suppose that one can become a great gen
eral without some knowledge of the mili
tary art, of strategem and tsctics, acquired
in the school or in the field, or that he can
make a fortune in a business of which he is
ignorant.
Again, we must distinguish between en
ergy and activity. There are hundreds of
men who are incessantly active, but who,
in spite of their industry, their ceaseless
striving, find themselves in old age poor
and unknown. The secret of this is, that
they have mistaken mere activity for en
ergy. They have been busy enough, but
their efforts, having been misdirected, have
been simply a waste of activity. A marks
man may fire all day at a target, but if he
does not take good aim his time and pow
der are wasted. To succeed one must not
only do certain things with earnestness
and vigor, but he must do them at the
right time and in the right way This
much being presupposed, the importance ol
tnergy in life can hardly be ovenated, A
pound ot eneigy with an ounce of talent
will achieve greater results than a p<. und
ot talent with an ounce of tnergy. So
wonder-working is the last named quality
that even ill-contrived schemes, if pressed
with daring and vigor, sometimes attain a
brilliant success, while plans far shrewder
and more cunningly contrived, but exe
cuted languidly or with moderate spirit,
fail altogether. A warm, enthusiastic,
blundering man will often do more for
himself and more for others than a frigid,
wise man. The world was not made for
slow, fastidious, squeamish men, but for
those who act instantaneously and with
power. Even in the spiritual realm no
lofty height was ever attained without en
ergy. "No man," says Cecil, "ever found a
happy life by chance, or yawned it into
being with a wish. Even the kingdom of
heaven snffereth violence, and the violent
only take it by force "
Of the vital, pre-eminent necessity of en
ergy in war, we have abundant proofs.
Military history is full of examples to show
that energy and nerve, with mediocre skill,
will accomplish greater results than the
rarest strategical and tactical genius with
out them. Energy was the distinguishing
quality of those "scourges of the human
race," Alaric, Attila, Zengis Kahn and
Timour the Lame, as it was ot the Sultan
Bajazet, who, from the swiftness of his
movements, was called Ilderim, or the
"Lightning." The career of the fiery, one
eyed Carthagenian, by common consent the
world's greatest captain, who sprang like a
bulldog at the throat of the Roman power,
and who held bis grasp almost till it was
looeed in death,—Hannibal,—was a con
tinual illustration of the wonder-working
effects of energy, when coupled with rare
military genius and other qualities requi
site in war. ,His long and successful march
of 800 miles through Spain and France, all
while tihting his way with a motley army
against hostile tribes and nations—his pas
sage of the Pyrenees, the Rhone, and the
Alps covered with snow and ice—his rapid
and overwhelming defeats ot the Roman
armies at Trebia, Lake Trasimenus and
Cannai— his long continuance in Italy
without allies and without support from
Carthage—are all examples of the most
signal vigor and activity, which would be
more conspicuous if he had not possessed so
many other resplendent qualities.
A glance at the life and varied accom
plishments of Jnlius Cæsar will show that
energy was the les ding quality of that
great captain, though it is less manifest in
his character than in many others, because
of his imperturbable calmness and equan
imity. He had no sudden bursts of energy,
no alternations of passion and inactivity;
the elevation of his character was lofty,
bnt it was not a peak, bnt a level table
land. The man who took the highest rank
in oratory and literary composition, as well
as in war; who could write, during a diffi
cult passage of the Alps, philological work
which was praised by Cicero; whose
rapidity of movement in his campaigns
was snch that the same writer calls him a
monstrum horrible celeritatis vigilantiæ;
mnst have been aman of marvelous energy;
many of his battles were won simply by
his rapidity, which surprised his enemy
before he was ready to fight. The energy
of Frederick the Great was never surpassed.
It was most conspicuous when he was in
the most desperate straits, contending
against fearful odds. Though fighting
only to defend his dominions, he never
waited to be attacked. He always assailed
the enemy regardless of superior numbers,
though four to one, and made up for his
numerical inferiority by boldness and hard
blows delivered in amazingly rapid succes
sion. The colossal energy of Napoleon is
well known. Whether in the field, sleep
ing four hours and on horseback twenty,
or in the cabinet, where he toiled terribly
and half killed bis secretaries, he threw his
whole force of brain or hand upon his
work. When told that the Alps stood in
the way of his armies, "There shall be no
Alps !" he replied, and the road across the
Simplon was the result
In politics and statesmanship energy is
so necessary, that, without it, other quali
ties, especially in political crises and times
of public danger, are of little vaine. What
would have been the fate of England at the
time of the Spanish Armada bnt for the in
tense energy, the activity and resolution of
her queen? Vigor is needed by a states
man not only to carry out his own policy,
bnt to baffle the schemes of his own or his
country's enemies. Though particular
measures of a vigorous and active states
man may fail, still energetic resolution will
uphold him in his place, and win the pub
lic admiration even when his schemes are
defeated. It was the Titanic, unresisting
energy of Richelieu, backed by reeolute
courage and an imperious will, that gave
him absolute sway over the court and
kingdom of France for eighteen years,
though bated and feared by the nobility
and the people, and though the qneen and
the nobles were incessantly plotting
his overthrow. He entered the royal
council as a master, and even the king
himself was overawed by the intensity of
his imperious will. By a series of vigorous
measures the great minister extended and
rounded the French territory, broke the
power of the nobles and of the independent
officials and judges in the parli ment, cen
tralized the i dministration, strengthened
the royal authority, destroyed the inde
pendent power ot the Hugenots, and re
stored the balance of power in Europe,
which the ascendancy of the house of Aus
tria had disturbed. All this was accom
plished amid continual plot and conspiracy
against him, which he crushed by his giant
energy, seconded by his dexterity and mas
terly policy.
UNCLE ENOS CAUGHT.
A Confidence Man "Works" an Ohio
Farmer and is Arrested.
[Chicago Mail. 1
Uncle Enrs Bell, of Ohio, on his way to
Hastings, Minn., had an interesting ex
perience with a confidence man in this city
yesterday.
He arrived at the Unian depot early in
the morning, and having several hours to
wait for the train for the west he went up
town to pass away the time. He had ju?t
left the depot whtn the enteitaining
stranger introduced himself and entered
into conversation, proposing that they
should look at the sights together. The
stranger was good looking and a smooth
talker, and Uncle Enos was charmed. He
said his name was May— Charles May—
and remarked to Uncle Enos that he was
very well acquainted with his brother,
Charles Bell, ot Hastings.
VN hen they were walking on Madison
street a man ran up in a great hurry and
stopped Mr. May.
"I waDt that $15 right off," said the man
to Mr. May. "Ihe furniture and stuff has
been delivered at the Union depot as or
dered. You have paid me $60, and there
is still $15 due. I want the money now."
"But, my dear sir," answered Mr. May.
very politely, "I never carry money around
in my pocket in a big city like this. I am
not as foolish as that. My wife has all my
money, and she is back m the Union depot.
If you will walk back with me I'll get the
money from her and pay this bill."
"Not much will I walk back to any
depot," said the stranger grufly. "I waDt
the money right here and now, and if I
don't get it I'll throw you in jail inside of
five minutes."
Uncle Enos, who had been listening to
this conversation with some amazement,
here interfered in his new-found friend's
behalf.
"If it would be any accommodation to
you Mr May," said Uncle Enos, "I'll lend
you $15, and you can settle with this ras
cal, and pay back the money when we get
back to the depot."
And the benevolent old gentleman
connted out $15 and passed it over to the
stranger.
Detective Broderick, who had been
watching the droceedings, stepped up at
this juncture and captured May, who is a
well known confidence man, but his pal,
the "stranger" with the bill, escaped.
Uncle Enos got his $15 back. May will be
tried for working a confidence game.
Ducks Killed by Lightning.
[Washburn N. D.) Special to Minneapolis
Tribune ]
A strange sight was witnessed here yes
terday during a very severe thunder storm
When the storm was at its height an enor
mously large flock of ducks was seen com
ing from the north. It was undoubtedly
the largest flock ever seen in this section of
North Dakota. The sky was black with
birds, and the number was variously esti
mated at from 500,000 to 1,000,000. They
were terror-stricken,and flew along wildly,
making a great noise. Instead of flying
high, they scurried along close to the
ground, and the flapping of their wings
provoked a tumult that could be plainly
heard above the roar of the thunder.
Suddenly there came a vivid flash of
lightning, followed by a terrific peal of
thunder. At the first flash hundreds of
the birds fell crying to the ground. The
storm began to grow in its frightfnl inten
sity, and the ducks became more terrorized
each moment. There came another flash
more vivid than its predecessor, and thou
sands of the fowls fell heavily to the earth.
Two more flashes in qnick succession and
the slaughter was even greater. Swarms
of the birds descended rapidly, and lay in
heaps on the ground. Their death was ap
parently instantaneous, for there was not
even the flapping of a wing as they fell.
The birds that escaped flew on, still keep
ing np their hoarse cries. After the storm
was over great heaps of the dneks were
found on the ground. Probably 10,000 of
them were killed by the lightning.
The Poison of Tobacco.
I Medical Record.]
The great bulk of the evil physical ef
fects due to the moderate ure of tobacco are
of an intermediate nature and not directly
noticable. The plainly marked results fol
lowing the use of tobacco in relatively
large amounts seem to be due to quick and
extreme interference with nutrition and a
diminution of function of all kinds, which
may be represented by anything from a
slight decrease of appetite and digestive
ability to a complete loss of function of al
most any important organ. Alcohol, owing
to the usual method of introduction through
the stomach, produces directly noticable
structural changes. But with tobacco the
direct evil results are mostly of a func
tional character, and are more generally
diffused, owing to the usual slow manner
of introduction into the body. It is easy to
see the effects of large amounts of tobacco
in the stunted growth of adolescents; in
functional cardiac disorders; in intellectual
sluggishness, loss of memory, and color
blindness; in loss of appetite, and other
neuroses of motion, and marked blnnting
of varions functions of sensation, and in
degeneracy of descendants. The greater
evils that are the outcome of a moderate
use of tobacco are probably due to pro
longed slight interference with nutrition
and consequent general decrease of vitality,
which renders the individual more suscep
tible through indirect influence to invasion
of disease, and which lessens the capacity
for productive effort.
M. DEROULEDE.
One of the Agitators who Disturbs
the Peace ot France.
While General Boulanger continues in
London his followers are working out a
mischievous scheme in Paris. They seem to
aim at creating the greatest possible disor
der, and disturbing the Government all
they can by stirring up discontent. The
ringleader in these performances is M. De
lourede, a member of the Chamber of
Deputies. Only two days after making a
scandalous disturbance in the Chamber of
Commerce, he undertook to create a riot in
the streets. A crowd had assembled be
fore the statue of Strasburg to bear him
and several other members of the Chamber
of Deputies, when the police forbade De
rou'ede to speak. He protested, and while
affixing floral wreaths to the railings around
the statute led the crowd in shouts of
"Vive Boulangei!" An officer .who made
the attempt, failed to arrest him. Delou
rede then jumped into a cab and was driven
to a newspaper office where noisy demon
strations were renewed.
Boulangerism is a rallying point for the
disaffected. As such, and only as such, it
is dangerous. The French government is
alive to the possible mischieve it may work,
and students of contenijoiary hit- tory re
gard the law relating to plural candidacies,
recently passed by the Chamber, as aimed
at Boulanger himself. According to the
reading of this bill no one person is allowed
to offer himself as a candidate in more than
one electoral district, and every candidate
is required to name the place lor which he
stands before the date is fixed for the elec
tion. It will be remembered that Boulan
ger's greatest triumphs have been due to
the absence of such a law as this. More
over, the commission of the High Court of
Justice has delivered a final decision
which will send M. Boulanger before the
High Court of Justice for trial on charges
of high treason and embezzlement.
He Took the One Chance in a Million.
As we got down in the neighborhood of
Put-in-Bay it came on to blow great guns
and the seas were tiemendous. The
steamer pitched and tossed and rolled in a
way to frighten everybody, and about mid
afterncon a sleek-looking young man
pitched across the cabin to the sofa on which
I was sitting and ask:
" o you think we can pull through?"
"It's doubtful."
"Good chance for going down, eh?"
"Best in the world."
"Well, I have a few dollars in counter
feit money with me—some that was psssed
on me—and I guess I'll throw it over
board."
He pitched across to bis state-room and
probably got rid of it. In about half an
hour he came for me again and asked:
"What do you think of it now?"
"She seems to be laboring heavily, and I
am expecting to hear that she has sprung
a leak."
"Is that so? I have two or three packs
of cards in my valise. That might count
against me in the other world, and I guess
I'll leave 'em out.
He was gone about a quarter of an honr
this time, and as he staggered up to the
sofa again the steamer almost stood on end.
"It's growing worse, isn't it?" he in
quired.
"Much worse."
"And we ought to prepare for death ?"
"We had."
"I—I believe I have two or three bogus
bonds with me belonging to a friend who
sometimes has a confidence game. I guess
they'll have to go, too."
When he was gone I shifted my posi
tion, and it was half an honr before he
found me again. The steamer was rolling
and pitching and he was very white as he
inquired :
"What are the chances now?"
"One in a million."
I did not see him again nntil we were
nearing the islands. Then I canght him
trying to. work the three-card racket on a
Canadian farmer, and I called him aside.
"Yon seem to have recovered all yonr
cheek, my frier d?"
"I have—yes."
"While yon thought there was danger of
onr going down yon was very penitent ?"
"Just so."
"1 thought yon threw overboard every
thing belonging to yonr profession ? '
"Not qnite. I was going to, bnt when
yon said we had one chance in a million I
took it and saved monte, and if yon'll let
me alone III poll fifty dollars ont of that
old cottonseed before we mnke the wharf."
She Knew the Scheme.
[Detroit Free Press.J
A girl with a bundle in her hand was
going np Park street yesterday when she
met a girl with a bundle coming down.
They seemed to intuitively to divine each
other's occupation, and the fact that each
was ont of a job.
"When did yon leave ?" queried the
first.
"About an hour ago. When did you ?"
"Same time. Wbat did yon quit for ?"
"Folks had too much company and I
worked like a slave. What did yon qnit
for?"
"Folks had no company nor nothing to
do, and I was getting too fat. Don't we
have hard times, though ?"
"Drefful. If it isn't one thing it's an
other. I am now after a place where tl e
lady is said to respect her servant's feel
ings."
"How nice ! That means every evening
out—all the beans yon want—breakfast at
half-past eight and girl company every
afternoon. Oh ! bnt it can't last. It's a
scheme to get yon there and pnt a double
wash on yon for a starter."
THE SHAH AND HIS MINISTER.
An Account of Their Meeting at
Paris.
LDetroit Free Press.]
When the Honorable Hadji Hassein
Ghooly Kahn arrived in Paris he found
that his angnst master, the Shah of Persia,
was there ahead of him. enjoying the
sights of the city and going up the Effel
Tower three times a day. When Mr. H.
H. G. Kahn called at the ho el at which
the Shah of Persia was staying, and was
informed that bis Tremendous Frightful
ness was in, he salaamed clear down to the
ground and spread his hands horizontally
three or four times, and then ventured into
the awful presence.
"Well, Ghooly," said that potentate,
"how's things? I thought you were over in
the States."
"Your most august tremendonsness," an
swered the minister, salaaming again, "I
have just come from there."
"Ha, ha," said the Shah, poking him
jocosely in the ribs. "You heard what a
time I was having over there, did you, and
yon wanted to come and enjoy it yourself
for awhile? This is a great town. Beats
London all to pieces. If New York is any
thing like it I am going over there on the
first steamer."
"Alas, your sublime mightiness, you
wouldn't like it over there. I came away
in sorrow because of the items which the
papers had been publishing, referring in
common, every-day language to yonr most
potential highness."
"What did the villains say about me ?"
"Here it is, your gracious majesty. Here
is an item from a vile Detroit paper, which
says: 'His majesty, the Shah, has 3,695
wives, and every Monday being wash day,
he never shows up in the regal residence at
all.'"
"And does the varlet who wrote that
still live ?"
"Alas, yonr gracious awfulmss," replied
the trembling minister, "he does."
"Why did you not have his head stricken
off?" asked the Shah, with a calm that
was more terrifying to the Minister than
his previous rage.
"If you please, your gracious Majesty,
such is not allowed in that barbarous
country."
"Nonsense," cried the Shah, "you cau't
stuff' me that way. In that paper you sent
me over it says that his majesty the Presi
dent ot Harrison had the heads of his office
holders in a basket, aDd that his mighti
ness Wacamaker had beheaded nearly all
of the postmasters belonging to the former
government. Is it not so?"
"Your majesty," cried the terrified minis
ter, "it is so politically, but not practi
cally."
"What care I," shouted the Shah, "how
it is done, politically or with the broad-ax
or a sword, it is the same to me. I care not
how the heads are shorn, so be it they are
shorn. Hast thou more of that stuff in
your scrap-book ?
"Aye, yonr most graciou awfulness, it is
indes d full of similar extracts."
"And thou hast dared to bring it in my
presence," cried the Shah, now thoroughly
enraged, "while the authors still livt?"
The trembling ex minister made no re
ply
The Shah turned to one of his retainers
and said:
"Just oblige me by taking this man to
the bath room where it will not make too
much muss, and take off' his head."
This was accordingly done. A cable dis
patch to the papers records the unfortunate
occurrence thus :
"Paris. Augnst 1.—The Honorable ex
Minister Kahn died suddenly at the Grand
Hotel this morning. He was ill but a few
moments with throat trouble, but by the
time the court physician of Persia arrived
nothing could be done for the unfortunate
man."
A Genuine Hermitess.
New York, July 18 —New Brunswick
has a genuine sensation to talk of to-day.
A genuine hermitess, it is alleged, has been
discovered on the banks of the Raritan,
within a few miles of New Brunswick.
The hermitess a woman, whose age is
placed at 80. She lives, it is alleged, with
servant in an old mansion in the woods.
She is reported to be very wealthy, and
although most of the rooms in the house are
never used, they are handsomely furnished.
The hermitess keeps to her room,and has not
looked on a human face bnt that of the old
servant's for thi;ty-six years. Years ago, it
is alleged, she was disappointed in love,
and, although a reigning belle and heiress,
she withdrew herself from all friends and
society. Her meals are served to her on
gold and silver dishes, and she still
possesses the fine dresses and jewelry of
her bygone days. She has never slept in a
bed -ince her disappointment in love. The
old woman spends her time reading the
thonsands of old, mnsty volumes in the
book cases in her room. She is the last
survivor of an old family, and refuses to
hold intercourse with any one. Her name
is Merritt. ___
A Pig Mistake.
A merchant whose articulation had a de
cided tendency in the direction of a lisp
had engaged a clerk who was not aware of
his vocal peculiarity,
"John," said the merchant, who wished
to lay in his winter stock of pork, "go ont
and bny for me two or three thows and
pigs."
"Yes, sir," said John, much elated at the
commission.
John returned late at night, looking as
thongh he had performed a hard day's
work.
"Did you get them?" asked the merchant.
"Only part of them," was the reply. "I
bought all I could find; but there were
onlv eight hundred to be had."
"Eight hundnd! Eight hundred what,
thir?" asked the astonished lisper.
"Eight hundred pigs," was the reply.
"You told me to buy two or three thousand
pigs; bnt they are not to be found."
"Two or three thousand pigs! I did not
tell you to do any snch sthupid thing. I
thaid you thould bny two or thows and
pigs!" exclaimed the merchant.
"That's just what l said," answered the
clerk. "Two or three thousand pigs; I
bought all I coaid find."
The merchant now began to see the
origin of the mistake. It was apparently a
costly joke, but there was no remedy. The
pigs had been fairly bought, and there was
no way but to make the best of a bad bar
gain. The grunters were duly paid for and
shut up, to be fattened for market. It so
happened that pork took a sudden rise at
that time, and the merchant realized a
large profit on his involuntary investment.
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ROBERT ISAAC CB ESTER.
The Oldest Living MasoL in the United
States.
The portrait is of the oldest living ma
son, and was taken recently at Hot Springs,
Arkansas, where its venerable subject was
visiting. Mr. Chester, who was born in
Carlisle, Pennsylvania, July 31,1793, is a
great great g andia'her. He was taken to
East Tennessee, in December, 1796, and is
unquestionably the oldest inhabitant of
the State. In July, 1816, he removed to
Middle Tennessee, and in May, 1823, to
West Tennessee, where he now resides, at
Jackson, Madison County. Mr. Chester
joined the Masonic order in 1814, when he
was twepty-one years of age. He is still
an enthusiastic member. The interesting
old man served in the war of 1812. In
1884 he carried the Presidential vote of
Tenneseee to the President of the Senate at
Washing'on. He is six feet high and
weighs from 170 to 180 pounds. Still
erect in person, healthy and of vigorous
understanding the oldest Mason in the
wond will probably livt to be more than a
century old.
THE MAGIC ELIXIR.
Some Philadelphia Physicians on Dr.
Hrown-Sequard's Discovery.
[From the Philadelphia Record.]
Dr. Brown-Sequard, the great French
physician, in his reported discovery of an
elixir of life, thinks that he baa found what
Juan Ponce de Leon sought for when he
found Florida, the Land of Flowers. An
eminent physician of this city said yester
day: "Dr. Brown-Sequard's experiments
may be valuab'e and lend a new lease of
life to old age, bnt he is not the first man
who has started ont to find an elixir of
life which would stay the hand of death.
Ponce de Lcod, who discovered Florida,
was incited to that adventure because in
his old age he heard of a fountain that
would restore yonth and beauty, and
started oat from Porto Rico, bat although
he lived six years after discovering the
land of flowers he never found the magic
pool which would restore his lost vigor,
and died, like all other old men, in 1521.
If Dr. Brown Sequard has found anew
life-giver he will be the greatest man that
has ever seen the light."
"I never place mach reliance in life
elixirs nor fountains of yonth," said Dr. H.
C. Simes yesterday in discussing the recent
experiments of Dr. Brown-Seqnard, ol
Paris, as described in the Record of last
Sunday. "They have been discovered and
rediscovered through a long series of years,
by Æscalapius and the Indian medicine
men and Dr. Faustns a id scores of modern
bigheads, yet men continue ic be gathered
to their fathers in the good, old-fashioned
style, and no satisfactory death-killer has
yet loomed up. The discovery of Dr.
Brown-Sequard, however, bas one virtue
that entitles it to much greater respect than
the bulk of its predecessors: it comes from
a very eminent practitioner, who has al
ready contributed materially to the medi
cal progress of the century. It is idle for
any one to condemn his method at this
early stage before the case has had a thor
ough test.
" The Frenchman's testimony as to the
remarkable effects of his experiment upon
himself are to be accepted for wbat they
are worth, but, of course, prove nothing.
His own imagination may easily have led
to a supposed renewal of youth, and the
wish may have been readily converted into
the thought A single analagona instance
was the discovery of blood infusion. The
medical world wrs mightily aronsed at
this discovery, which, it was believed, con
tained the seeds of immortal yonth. Now,
however, blood infusion wanders forlorn in
the backwoods of medical science."
"Dr. Brown-Sequard's discovery most
▼indicate its worthiness before it can be ac
cepted as rational by the medical world,"
said a Jefferson hospital professor. "The
worthy doctor's allegation that he felt
thirty yeare younger after his process of
injection by no means establishes that pro
cess as advantageous, or even free from
grave danger. His mere recent experi
ments, however, are of considerable inter
est. Two men past 50 and another near
threescore were submitted to the process,
themselves entirely unconscious of the
nature of the injected fluid. They were
mach run down, and their vitality was at
a low ebb. The injection was followed by
general nervons excitement, an increase of
mnscnlar power and a well regulated diges
tion. These facts are valuable, and if they
can be substantiated by future develop
ments the discovery may assume a practi
cal scientific worth. But the fact that ex
periments of this nature are without prece
dent renders prediction fntile and absurd."
She Knew Whereto Place Him.
[Detroit Free Press. 1
Do you know," asked a woman at the
Woodbridge street station the other day.
"whether a small man with a lop shoulder
and a cataract in his eyes has been fished
cat of the river within the last two days?"
"No snch case, ma'am "
"Has such a man been sent np?"
"Yes, we had him heiefor drunkenness,"
answered the sergeant, after consulting the
records.
"Just as I thought. He told me he was
going to snicide, hot he's the contrarient
man in the world, and I figured that he
would be in the workhouse instead of the
bottom of the river. I never make no mis
akes on Jim."