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Mrs. Hoyle—My husband says that 1 am one woman In a thousand. Mn. Doyle—Aren't you Jealous of the 999? —New York Sun. Cause for Worry. Aunt Sadie—I fear Bobert Is an awfully careless fellow; I heard him say that be dropped $8.000 on the street yesterday I—Brooklyn Life. Ef Gabrul wuz ter blow his trumpet ter-morrer, some er de fault-flnders would rise eu tell 'tm dat bis musical eddication bad been neglected.—Atlan ta Constitution. Cpgardson—Among the fraternity of professional musicians I consider-" Atom—Fraternity of professional mu sicians! Don't talk nonsense, old man! —Chicago Tribune. Borem—Now, what would you do If you were In m'y shoes. Miss Cutting? Miss Cutting—I'd point the toes to ward the front door and give them a start.—Chicago News. He—Miss Wadsworth Is rather man nish, isn't she? She—Exceedingly! Why, she'd rather pay 2 cents more for an article than go Into a department store to buy it.—Puck. "What's a wreck, pop?" "A wreck, my son. Is a disaster on the water." "Not always, pop; tbere's old Rednose; he's a wreck, but water had notblug to do with It."—Yonkers Statesman. Mr. Kawdle— I wish you wouldn't in terrupt me every time I try to say something. Do 1 ever break In when you are talking? Mrs. Kawdle—No. you wretch! You go to sleep.—Tit Blts. "Have the letters- been duly exam ined by the handwriting expert?" "Yes, your honor." "Very well; let ftbe bandwriting expert now be examined by the Insanity expert."—Ohio State Journal. Boarder (warmly)—Oh, I know every one of the tricks of your trade. Do you think 1 have lived in boarding houses twenty years for nothing? Landlady (frigidly)—I shouldn't be at all surprised. Visitor—What are you crying about my little man? Little Willie-All my brothers have holidays, and 1 have nbne. yisltor—Why, that's too bad. How is It? Willie (between sobs)—1 don't go to school yet A conductor said in a tone of great severity to a passenger who-was mat Ing considerable disturbance on a car. "Remember, sir, that you are on a pub lic vehicle, and you must behave as such.—Lippincott's Magazine. "Yes. I am opposed to American girls marrylu' furriners," said old Mrs. Sipes. "I'm just that opposed to it that if my girls can't marry people of their own sex they needn't marry at all, and that's all there is about It" Flanagan—Hlvins, man, phawt's the matther wid yer face? Hanagan— Faith, 'twas an accident The ould woman tbrowed a plate at me. Flana gan—An' d'ye call that an accident? Hanagan—Av coorse! Didn't she hit phwat she aimed at? Hojack—My wife only writes to me once a week while she Is away. Tom dik— Mine writes regularly three times a week. Ilojack—She must lie very fond of you. TonidIk—She Is; and then I only send her money enough to last two days at a time. A Question of Privilege: Mistress (after a heated discussion with argu mentative cook)—Are you the mistress of this bouse. I should like to know? Cook—No. ma'am, I ain't.—but—" Mistress (triumphantly)—Then don't talk like an idiot!—Punch. "Did you git anything?" whispered the burglarou guard as his pal emerg ed from the window. "Naw. de bloke wot lives here Is a lawyer." replied the other in disgust "bat's hard luck." replied the first: "did you lose any I'lng?"—Ohio State Journal. Sharpe—On his birthday before their marriage she gave him a book enti tled "A Perfect Gentleman." Whealton —Any change after a year of married life? Sharpe—Yes; on his last birth day she gave him a book entitled "Wild Animals I Have Met."—Tit Bits. Intimate Friend—The assessor hasn't listed your property at one-tenth of what It is worth? Then why don't you Increase your assessment volun tarily? Millionaire—1 did that last year, and everybody said I was mak ing a grand-stand play for popularity. —Chicago Tribune. Lieutenant (to bis orderly)—Bring me a beefsteak and poached egg. Orderly —Excuse me. lieutenant, but haven't you forgotten that you are to dine to night at Countess Stingely's? Lieuten ant—That so! I had forgotten It. Bring me two beefsteaks and two poached eggs!—Ex. "Mike," said Plodding Pete, 'Tm goln to join one o' dese bere forestry associations." "What's dem?" Inquir ed Meandering Mike. "Dey're to pre vent de destruction-of de forests. An' it Jes' happened to hit me dat If people could be stopped from cuttln' down trees dey're wouldn't be no more wood to spilt"—Washington Star. Long—Say. Short. I'd like to have that $10 you borrowed of me three months ago. Short—Sorry, old man, i but I can't give it to you at the pres ent writing. Long—But you said you wanted It for a little while only. Short —Well, .,1 gave It to you straight I didn't keep It half an hour.—Chicago News. LOST »N A CRATER. Explorer Hap an Interesting but Peril* one Experience in Arizona. Joseph Burkam, a Minnesota lumber dealer, had, If a Western newspaper is to be believed, an experience In an ex tinct crater in Arizona which nearly cost him his life, and has all but de stroyed his health. Mr. Burkam Is an enthusiastic explorer. One day be came upon the crater of an extinct volcano, and climbed about It for an hour with out a mishap. Then he discovered a nole about as large as a barrel, and started to crawl In. Suddenly he slipped, and slid a long distance, strik ing his head against a ledge of lava. When he came to be was in total dark nesB and absolute silence. He had nine matches. These be struck one after the other, holding each one until it burnt 'bis fingers. He groped along the passage, thinking he must soon see daylight. Suddenly it came on him that he was not finding the entrance as soon as he ought to. Then fear seized him. He sprang forward like a crazy man up the pass age, struck a projection and fell. When he recovered he moved on agnfn, cut ting his bands and bruising his head am) shouders against the lava. Sometimes he lost consciousness for hours. Then finding strength again, he struggled on. Once a luminous spot led him on over joyed. He struck with awful force against a phosphorescent wall, which had deceived him. By rubbing it, he was able to mark better progress for the next few rods. Without warning he pitched headlong Into a pit of thick fluid. It was sul phurous and choked him. He struggled out and lay down to rest. When he looked around again be saw several pairs of gleaming eyes. 8hrill squeaks told him that they belonged to rats. The rats made a dash at him, but were kf^)t off, fortunately, by the sul phur, w^lcb was too strong for them. Otherwise he might have died a horri ble death. He turned a corner in the passage, followed by the rats. A growl sent them scampering, and two larger eyes glistened at him. Then he saw a streak of daylight and pushing toward It. fell senseless Into the open air. When ho recovered his senses and straightened up, a wildcat was sitting near him with an army of rats behind her. She was keeping them off, lntend lngfevtdently to have the prey to her self. Mr. Burkam and the wildcat stared at fcach other, the latter apparently wondering whether the man was weak enough to conquer. Summoning all his strength, he threw up bis hands and rushed at the cat, which fled. Then Mr. Burkam scrambled up the lava bank to the surface of the earth once more. MOOSE AND BEAR. Timid Animal Fought Bravely in De fense of Her loang One. I The cow moose Is regarded as a timid I animal, but like most timid creatures ; she is brave In the defense of her J young. A story is told by Mr. Jones in j his "Habits, Haunts and Anecdotes of I the Moose" illustrating this trait in the moose mother. While paddling on Chesuncook Lake one day, our guide saw a cow moose and her calf come down the bank and enter the water. He watched them un til they had waded some distance from shore, when his attention wa arrested by another animal coming out of the woods near them. It was a black hear, and had not been discovered by the moose. Bruin slipped easily into the water, and waded to ward the cow and calf. Presently he got beyond his depth, his legs being much shorter than even a calf moose's, and he had therefore to swim. He swam directly for the calf, and was rapidly nearing it when the cow saw him. The ungainly beast turned with re markable quickness toward the bear, whom she attacked with her forefeet. It Ising on her hind legs, she struck with her sharjv, hoofs on the bear's back. He tried to escape, but turn which ever way he would the cow struck' him. There was' a tremendous splashing of the water, ana the moose and her calf finally swam off, leaving the bear hors de combat. Watching bruin for a time, and not ing that he made no effort to swim away, the guide ventured to approach him. and found that his back had been broken by the powerful blows of the cow's forefeet. The guide mercifully dispatched the bear, and to-dry shows 1 the skin when he tells the story; Stunted Trees. Hitherto the stunted trees and shrubs of the Japanese have been the wonder and envy of gardeners the world over. But a German chemist now comes along and does something which even the Japanese could hardly be expected to do. He has prepared a fluid that hqa the power, when injected into the tis sues of a plant, near its roots, of anes thetizing the plant. As a result of this Injection the plant does not die, but stops growing, maintaining its fresh, green appearance, though Its vitality Is apparently suspended. Changes In tem perature seem In nowise to affect the foliage, for the plant blooms in the open as well as in the most carefully constructed hothouse. As might be ex pected, the composition of the fluid Is shrouded in the greatest mystery. Punishment in German Army. Two German non-commissioned offi cers have been sentenced to imprison ment for one year and nine months, respectively, for maltreating a private with such persistency that he commit ted suicide to escape their persecution. The tastes of a millionaire are often imprisoned in a pauper's purse. NEW SUMMEN SHOES. There Is a tendency toward slightly more pointed shoes, but otherwise little change in the models for summer. The flat last will continue to be the smart sole for all shoes, whether they are of patent leather, calf or tan, and should be of the extension kind and fairly thick. t The Colonial shoe Is the very newest for summer wear and comes in both the high and'low models, and also In slippers. The low Colonial will be the most popular, as It bas thff Spanish heel and makes a very comfortable walking shoe. The slipper of this style is very styl STYLES IN NEW 8HOES. lsh and dainty with summer gowns and for evening wear. All of the Co lonial shoes have the large gold or sil ver buckle on the vamp. The regulation low shoe Is just as popular as ever, and comes In no end of different styles. Patent leather continues to be the cor rect thing for dress, and there is really nothing that can take its place. The new street shoes are extremely sensible, with medium soles and heels and a good broad last. A woman can not display poorer taste than to wear high heels on the street. OKI John Wanamaker pays over $1,000 a day for advertising his Philadelphia store. He uses a page a day in five dally newspapers in that city. They are as follows: Press, $00,000; Ledger $00,000; Times, $50.000; North Ameri can, $75,000; Evening Telegraph; $50, 000 . The newspaper sages who wonder at the magical spread of a craze such as that for table tennis, or pingpong. do not seem to take account of thp Im mense advertising force that is behind It. With as much publicity behind any novelty, or one-quarter as much, it would be possible to spread it over the habitable globe.—Printers' Ink. There Is a common saying that the man who advertises never is sold out by the auctioneer. This scarcely is true, but it is true that the careful man of business who advertises judiciously does not fail in business, has no receiv ers appointed to close out bis affairs, and has no occasion for the services of the auctioneer.—National Advertiser Twenty-five years ago there were any number of business men to found who said that advertising does not pay. But these have disappeared utterly from the larger marts of trade. They either failed in business or they died of envy and grief, the former be cause of the success of their rivals who did advertise or the latter because they realized that their own business was going to the "demnltion bow wows." as Mr. Mantaiiui would say. The few that survive are restricted to the small towns, and these are too lazy to wait upon the few customers who enter their place of busiuess. In geome try one finds what are termed axioms which need no demonstration, for the reason that they are self-evident truths. It is axiomatic that advertis ing does pay. This means practical, common sense, business advertising judicious, wholesome advertising.—Na tional Advertiser. Division of Labor. Helene—How long did you stay In Paris on your trip to France? Emma—Oh, a week altogether. Helene—But, surely, you cöuld not take In everything In such a short time! Emma—But we did all the same. You see, there were three of us. Mamma took In the picture galleries, I studied the shops and things, and papa exam ined the local color in the cafes.—New York Times. Horse Meat in Vienna. Hie horse-meat butcher shops of Vi enna, of which there are no less than 185, present a clean and attractive ap pearance, and are in no way distin guishable from the shops where the usual kinds of meat are sold, save by the sign announcing their specialty. Restaurant keepers who serve horse meat must designate this fact in a spe cial column on the bill of fare offered to patrons. Salt Mines in Switzerland. Switzerland has at Bex salt mines which have been worked for 24S years. The galleries are twenty-five miles in length and the profit $75.000 a year. One of the surest signs of modest worth, lz failure to attract attention «TOMEN UNDER CIVIL SERVICE. They Number One-third of the Depart ment Km ployé» at Waohiaxton. |t Is only In recent years that women have been employed In considerable numbers in thd public service. It is now generally recognized that they can successfully perform the duties of many of the subordinate places» and they have often shown eminent fitness and high quality In their work, says John R. Proctor, United States civil service commissioner, in Leslie's Weekly, in 1870 an act of Congress provided that women might, in the discretion of the head of any department, be appointed to any of the clerkships in the depart ment upon the same requisites and con ditions and with the same compensa tions as prescribed for men. This Mag I a Charta for women In the civil ser vice Is recognized in the civil service laws and rules, which make no dis crimination on account of sex. From July 10, 1883, to June 30, 1900, there were appointed In the classified service In the departments at Washing ton, through competitive examination, 2,044 females. This number Included 1,200 printers' assistants in the Bureau of Engraving and Printing, at a com pensation of $1.25 per diem, which is the lowest salary paid to women In the classified service. About one-thlrd of all employes In the departments^ of Washington are females; they are em ployed mostly in ordinary clerical ca pacity, although many technical posi tions are filled by them. Three female employes receive $1,800 per annum; about fifty receive $1,000 per annum; 100 receive $1,400 per annum; 450 re ceive $1,200 per annum; 300 receive $1,000 per annum and the remainder receive from $000 to $900 per annum. A fair comparison of the progress made by women In tbe government em ploy since the enactment of the civil service law In 1883, as to compensation received and number employed, is lu the State Department, office of the Sec retary, which has probably employed the fewest women of any office in the departments. In 1883 there were ten women employed and the highest salary received was $1,400, there being only one who was paid that amount. In 1889, in the same office, there were sev enteen women; tbe highest salary was $1,000; there were several at $1,400, and others at $1,200 per annum; while the lowest salary was $900. Of tbe total number of women taking the compe titive examinations during the past ten years over 77 per cent have successful ly passed, while only 02 per cent of the males have passed these examinations. Tbe percentage of women in depart ments differs. In the postofflee service the position of postotlice clerk is the only one open to both sexes. Through out this entire branch of the service 6.52 per cent of the appointments foi tbe past ten years have been women. Besides the foregoing, of the 69,000 postmasters In the United States under tbe civil service, 6,285 are women. Of newer departments placed under the eivll service rule Is the internal rev enue, In which 2.09 of the appoint ments during the four years ending June 30, 1900, have been women, and the custom house service, of which 2 jer cent of the appointments during the ;tast five years have been women. The highest percentage of appointments of women in any one year was in 1808, when 13 per cent of the total number of appointments made were women. The next highest was in 1893. when women, numbered about 12 per cent of the ap pointments. Queer English Lease Method. One cf New York's real estate brok ers who has just returned from a visit to his old home In Devonshire, tells of a curious situation there, which is dus to the death of Queen Victoria. He says In Devonshire and some of the other southern counties, when a tenant wants to lease a farm or othei property he does not go to the owner and ask for a lease for twenty-five years or for any other definite term. He simply says that he wants the prop erty for as long as some third person, not Interested in the property, shall live. If the selection of this third party •s agreeable to the landlord the lease Is duly made, and in It the conditions are set forth that the lessee shall hold the property as long as the third party named shall live. Now, in Devonshire several of the large land owners have for a number of years made leases to last as long as Queen Victoria should live. Those whe took leases on favorable terms during the early part of her reign have had years of good fortune, while tbe hold ers of later leases found them sudden ly terminated. The same land owners are now mak ing new leases to last during the term of King Edward's life. All such leases are not made on the lives of tbe king or queen. On many of the smaller holdings the third person selected Is some local personage or a member of parliament While this method of making leases Is a sort of gamble, end (s decidedly inconvenient, yet the peo ple Interested seem anxious to hold vu to the heritage of the old feudal sys lem.—New York Times. Looks Are Deceptive. VisitorI've been In many asylums bat I'v* never seen such a dangerous wild-eyed lot of lunatics as that group ever there; and they're without guards, tael Attendant—Why, man. those ain't hm titles. Visitor—They ain't? Attendant—I should say net; they're visitors. VlaHor—Visitors! Attendant—Yes, sir; they're seme ef tbe leading mem bets of the chess con grass which to bolding its conventior downtown.—Detroit To-Day. An amateur actress to ore who bat divorced. A PRIEST'S GENEALOGY. He Can Tracs flia Forefathers Back In divlrlnalty to Adam. Queen Wllhelmlna's much-heralded ancestry of 2,000 years and her reputed descent from Balthazar, King of Ar menia, who some maintain waa one of the three wise men who made presents to the Infant Savior, is put to blush by an unassuming Delaware County (Pa.) pastor, who can trace his descent over 5,000 years to the 'days when Adam and Eve began the history of the human" '•ace in the garden of Eden. Indeed, those who have the pride of Vcestry should look with envious eys < m the Rev. Matthew P, O'Brien, rector v St. Charles' Roman Catholic Church D the little hamlet of Kellyville. Through a long line of kings and no ble ancestry Father O'Brien • n trace Ms descent clear back to Brian Boni, 'jo early in the eleventh century was supreme ruler of all Ireland, and who died April 23, 1014. This, however, is only the beginning. Starting with Brian, who is twenty six generations removed, he goes back twenty-one more till he reaches Oliol Olum, King of Munster; a jump of for ty-seven generations more reaches Mile sius, who was King of Spain thirteen centuries before Christ; from Mileslus to Adam is thirty-six generations, so $.at Father O'Brieu is 130 generations from Adam, or 5,905 years from the creation of the world. From the information of those who are wont to twiddle their fingers -at pedigrees and to make faces when «.owned beads are turned away from them, and who affect to despise rather than "dearly love a lord," it may be staled right here that Father O'Brien can put his finger, figuratively speak ing, of course, on one and all of his long line of progenitors, can call them by name, and Is thoroughly posted ou their doings, good, bad, and indifferent. Yet, despite the fact that he can keep tabs on his ancestors away back of teolomon the Wise, tbe Queen of Sheba, aud David and Lot's wife, Abraham himself, the father of the faithful, to say nothing of Moses and bis littlo tramp of forty years in tbe wilderness —Father O'Brien Is democratic in his tastes and bearing, and as faithful i pastor as he is democratic. For the benefit of the unbelievers who perhaps have but little data or accurate information regarding their great grandfathers Father O'Brien stated the Other day that he thought It might be as well, although he was perfectly able to go back 5,905 years, for him to rest his claims of ancestry on the broad shoulders of the giant Brian Boroimbe, who was monarch of Ireland ten odd centuries ago, and chased his enemies across the bogs of the emerald isle a good long while before William tbe Conqueror subjugaited England with his Norman hosts. Father O'Brien has traced his long ancestral tree only after many years of the most careful and painstaking re search, and he is positively sure that he has not made one mistake. Ancestry has always been a fad with him, but he is frank to acknowledge that he had no Idea when he started to Investigate the subject of his own that he could go back, w ithout a break, to Adam, the original progenitor of man kind. Think of a man being able to tell who his ancestor was when Helen of Troy was sweet 16. when the hanging gar dens of Babylon were in full bloom and glory, when Achilles was a schoolboy, or when Romulus was still In the cars of bis she-wolf foster-mother!—Phila delphia Inquirer. Wholesale Weddings. At Plougastel, In Brittany, France, / > ire is but one day a year on which, from time immemorial, weddings are allowed to take place—namely, ou the Feast of St. Frances, a model Christian wife and mother for whom the citizens of Plougastel have the greatest vener ation, which they chiefly manifest by setting all the weddings for that day. This year uot less than forty-four eou ples knelt before her altar to pronounce the nuptial vows. This day of wed dings by the wholesale is, of course, a feast for the whole village. In the early morning all the couples meet on the town's public square. Thence they go to the City Hall, where the civil cer emony Is gone through with. This ove*. a procession is formed, and all the cou ples. ' dlowed by their respective friends, march three times around tbe village before entering the church, where the religious ceremony Is per formed. Hereupon follows the banquet, which Is held at tbe common expense. Tbe last wedding feast saw ao less thau 2,000 guests partaking of tbe bounteous repast According to an eye-witness of these fraternal agapae, apart from the tables at which sat the wedded couples, plates were conspicu ous by their absence. There was on an average one plate to every four guests. That little deficiency, however, did not prevent the Plougastelltes from enjoy ing themselves capltaly during the six days' duration of the ceremonies. Royal Abstainer. The Queen of Holland, It is stated, to a total abstainer, and ostentatiously re fuses, on all public occasions, to par take of wine. Tbe Queen is a patron of the Total Abstinence Society and of the Women's Social Purity League, and It is said she is among the most active of workers. Timber in Germany. Germany, although It has 35,000,000 acres of forests excellently managed and yielding an Immense revenue, de mands increasingly greater quantities of wood, so that for the last ten years the amount of timber which It buys has doubled and its value trebled. Covetous men live without comfort and die without hope. MINES UNDEW THE SEA. Coal Veins that Have Been Fo 1 >we 1 Ua> < er the llcean—A Risky Business. In various parts of Great Britain cox) pits extend for a considerable distanc» under tbe sea. Tbe most remarkable of these submarine mines is at White haven. For no less than four miles under the Irish Sea and at a depth Of about one hundred fathoms, a great tunnel has been hewn out. Hundreds of mlhers work day and night in tbe pitch black "galleries" with a world of water high above their heads. It is • remarkable fact that long before gas was used as an illuminant the then manager of this submarine mine— which already In those days stretched for a quarter of a mile under the sex proposed to the authorities at White haven to lay pipes from the town to the pit In order to light the streets by means of the natural gas which the mine produced. Whitehaven's thriving neighbor, Workington, also possessed an under sea mine, but one day the enormous pressure of water broke in the roof. Thirty-six miners were drowned, aud the colliery was destroyed. The coast of Sunderland Is burrowed with mines so huge that they are like 1TN DIR TUB IRISH SKA. veritable cities under the ocean. The most famous of them Ib the Monk Wearmouth Coliery, the principal seam of which lies at the enormous depth of 1,710 feet below the German Ocean. One hundred thousand pounds were spent in finding that seam. At a depth of 330 feet water poured into the work ings at the rate of 3,000 gallons per minute, and a 200-horse power pump ing engine had to be fixed un. The ocean Is also undermined off Kyhope and Seaham. The Earl of Kincardine owned a won derful coal pit at Borrowstones. It la about this mine that a famous geolo gist, after a first visit, writes as fol lows: "While the pitmen, by the dismal shine of their lamps, make the deep caverns resound with the blows of their pickaxes, ships driven by a fair wind sail over their heads, and the sail ors, rejoicing at the beautiful weather, express their joy In song. C5 I HOTA1.I.ACK fOPPKR MINK. "But at another time n storm arises] the horizon is in fiâmes, the thunder roars, the sea rages, the boldest trem ble; then the pitmen, unconscious of the terrible scene, calmly pursue their labors and think with pleasure of their homes, while the ship above is shatter ed to pieces and sinks." A well-known geologist told a repre sentative of the Dally Mail the follow ing amusing story: "I was one of a little party who spent a most interest ing, if rather thrilling, day in the cop per mine off promontory of Botallack. near Cape Cornwall. The workings go doWn to a depth of 1.500 feet below the sea level, and extend 2,248 feet under the Atlantic Ocean. "During our submarine peregrina tions 1 noticed what looked like a plug in the low roof, and was investigating Its character, when a mine official rushed up and excitedly exclaimed, 'Don't pull out that peg; you'll let la the Atlantic!' Need I add that I left the plUj! carefully alone?" Only a crust of the sea floor was be tween the miners of Botallack and the raging waves above. The water oozed through the ceiling. When a storm pre vailed the sounds that filled the pit were terrifying. The boulders In the bottom of the sea overhead rolled with a noise like thunder; while the cease less grinding of the pebbles and the crash of the waves brought home to the miners in a way that uo one else ever experienced the full terrors of a storm at sea. "More than once," says an official who worked In tbe mine, "we retreated in affright, doubting the protection of our working shield." Botallack Is now closed, though the mine exists for those daring enough to explore It Let Off Cheaply. It is said that Gladstone one day said to the witty Father Healey: "When I was in Italy the other day I saw a no tice in one of your churehes to the e& feet that a plenary indulgence could ba had for a sum of about 30 Shillingn. How do you explain that?" "If," answered the father, "my church were prepared to give you a plenary Indulgence for all the sins yon have been guilty of for 30 shillings.! think you would be let off uncommonly cheap." _ Public Expenditures in Mexioo. The Mexican army of more tiy»n 25,000 men is supported upon « trill« more than 1,000,000 Mexican dollars n month. The Mexican congress doe« not cost $1,000.000 a year. What has become of the old-fasti ed child that cried so hard that it its breath? Few people have a better excuse f«r getting married In haste than a widow er with little children.