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f *s. Th« "vater-cnre" practice will at least tend to kçep the American hobo «nt of the Philippines.—Philadelphia Ledger. He—It is reported around town that we arp engaged. She—Is It? What Idiotic things people do say!— Borner Tille Journal Gladys—They say Harold is an ex pert In the art of self-defense. Evelyn —Nonsense! Edith made him propose in just one week! "Johnny, where did you hear that bad word?" "Why* papa, didn't you know that mamma played ping-pong Î" —The Tale Record. "Goodness! how that railroad stock does fluctuate." "Yes, it's a wise rail road stock that knows Its own par."— Philadelphia Press. Muggins—Youngpop is going to have his baby christened Bill. Bugglns—How strange. Muggins—Oh, I don't know. He came on the first of the month. Elderly Lady—Aren't you ashamed to be seen smoking cigarettes, little boy? Little Boy—Sure 1 am; but wot's a feller to do when he ain't got de price of a cigar?—Philadelphia Rec ord. Popularity: "Do you think he would be a success in politics?" "Yes, In deed. Why, he has thoroughly master ed the knack of looking Interested when he is being bored."—Chicago Poet Teacher—Now, Ethel, who wrote the "Elegy in a Country Çburchyard?" Ethel—Please, ma'am, it was Willie Smif. I seen him goin' In the churcn yard at recess, ma'am.—Chicago Dally News. Eleanor—What made you give up so ciety, Edmonia? Edmonla— Oh! I got so dead-tired of seeing people who are nobody trying to act like somebody; and people who are somebody actin' like nobody. First Boy (contemptuously)—Huh 1 Your mother takes in washln'. Second Roy—Oh, course; you didn't s'pose she'd leave it hangln' out overnight unless yout father was in prison, did ye?—Tit-Bits. At the concert: Fosdick—Why do you applaud such a long and weari some sonata? Keedlck—I've been sit ting so long that all my limbs have gone to sleep. I wish to restore the circulation.—J udge. "When a young* man Is in love," said Uncle Eben, "don't blame him If he's kind o' hard to get along wif. He can't help habbin' de Idea dat any one who kin win de 'fectlons of sech a tine lady must be Bumpin' great." "I'm fixed." said the young doctor; "I've got a big enough practice to keep me in easy circumstances for life." "But suppose you should lose half your patients?" "I'll just double my bills on the others."—Philadelphia Press. Greene—They tell me you send good many things to the magazines, as well as to the dally papers. Come, now, is there any money in literature? Browser—If there Isn't it Is no fault of mine. I never took any out of It. A Georgia man, who has gone to Washington In search of a government job, gives as his qualifications: "I cannot only write poetry and novels, but there ain't a government mule that can throw me!"— Atlanta Constitution. Little boy (pointing to window -f India rubber shop)—\ytiat are those? Mamma—Those are diving suits, made all of India rubber so that the diver won't get wet. Little boy—I wish I had one. Mamma—What for, my dear? Little boy—To wear when you wash me.—Chicago News. v Mrs. Hicksy (who is entertaining her little son's playmate, aged 5, to dinner) —Willie, can you cut your own meat? Willie (who is struggling with a piece on his plate)—Yes. thank you (with a desperate saw at the beef). I've cut quite as tough meat sb this at home.— Glasgow Evening Times. "Music Is a very desirable accom plishment," said Mehitabel's mother. "That's right," answered, her father. "If a girl likes a young man she can play comic opera, and make him feel perfectly at home, and if she doesn't she can give him a few samples from a sonata and make him weary."— Washington Star. A blessing in disguise: "I was so aorry to hear a fox bad been stealing your poultry again. How unfortunate you are!" "Oh, we can bear It, miss, you kindly. You see the Slop shire Hunt country comes on our farm on one side, and the Jowlers on the - other, so we make a claim on both, and they each pay for the old hens!"— Punch. Brown (in the middle of tall shoot ing story)—Hardly had 1 taken aim at the lion on my right, when l heard a rustle in the jungle grass, and per ceived an enormous tiger approaching on my left. I now found myself on the horns of a dilemma! Interested Little Boy—Ob, and which did you shoot first —the lion, or the tiger, or the dilemma? —Punch. One morning the minister gravely ob served to the girl— "Jessie, 1 hope you say your prayers every night." "Ay, I dae that, sir! Last night I prayed for you an' the meestress." "Indeed. Jes sie; why?" queried the reverend gentle man. "Jessie, without hesitation, re sponded, while pointing contemptuous ly to the ping-pong appliances— "Sir. whan I see you an' the meestress sao far left tae yersels as tae play at that nonesense. I'm thinking that ye baith sair need prayin' fori" \ Catarrh Z> a constitutional disease. It originates in a scrofulous condition ot the blood and depends on that condition. h often causes headache mid dizaines«, ifnpairs the taste« smell and hearing, af fects the vocal organs, disturbs the stomach, It is always radically and permanently cured by the blood-purifying, alterative and tonic action of Hood's Sarsaparilla This great medicine has wrought the most wonderful cures of all diseases depending on scrofula or the scrofulous habit. Hood's Pills are the bait cathartic. Back Talk, Mr. Spatz —It's not polite to yawn in the presence of company the way you did. Mrs. Spatz— I know that, but I did put my hand up to my mouth, and— Mr. Spatz — That's not sufficient'. You should use something that would completely conceal your mouth.—Phil adelphia Press. Don't Get Footsore! Get Foot-Ease. It is a certain cure for sweating, callous and hot, tired, aching feet. Makes new or fight shoeseasy. Tryittoday. Sold by all Druggista. Price 26c. Don't accept a substitute. Sample sent FREE. Address Allen 8. Olmsted, Le Roy, N. Y. On the Links. Miss Shapely (as she misses her drive at the second tee and falls)—Oh, Fred, come and help me up! I know my ankle is turned. Fred (looking down admiringly)— Yes, and mighty well turned too. Oursd. Ho Sts « aemrasnsar T'suaeof Dr. KUao'iiGnat Nnrvs Coral. Coral is a shell of carbonate of lime, inhabitted by an animal, which can be readily detected under the micro scope in any piece of live coral freshly taken from the water. We are not to blame because you have Rheumatism; but you are—if you do not try Hamlin's Wizard Oil. A Selfish Pica. Cora—And why should I think twice before I refuse you? Merritt—Because, my dear, a girl never thinks twice the same. Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their children during the teething period. Honor is one of those things that lie who seeks it shall not find it. Mlioholl Wagon. I Boot on Earth £■ Because it la made of the beat material possible to buy. The manufacturers absolutely pay 25 to-36 per cent above the market price of best grades of wugon timber for the privilege of cul ling over and skimming off the cream of the wagon stock, which is carried for 3 to 5 years be fore making up. which means an investment in wood stock of nearly one million dollars. MITCHKLL Wagons are unsurpassed for quality, proportion, finish, strength and light running. Why—take chances on any other? Why—not get the best?—A MITCHELL. MItohmil, Lmwlm A Simvmr Co. Portland. Seattle. Spokane. Boise. Agents Everywhere. Austin Well Machines GET WATER OR OIL ANYWHERE. BEALL & CO.. aen, Agts. 208 Front St. Portland, Or HOITT'S SCHOOL Parents desiring home influence*, beautiful unrounding*, perfect climate, egreful super vision, and thorough mental, moral and phys ' '■ ' ing for their boys, will find all these t'a School, Menlo sty, uu. Bend for Catalogue. Twelth year begins August 12 th. IRA 0. HOITT. Fh. D., Principal. r ATTENTION. __ BENDS. — For prospectus and full particulars about how you should Z receive your money back each year in Z dividends, send vour name and address j i AAAAAAAAAAA AAAA.AAAAAAAA AAA WWWwWWWwWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWW OREGON KIDNEY TP B Send for yTcfl &£ plB The only positive remedy for Kidney and Bladder dis eases—also cures constipa tion. A wonderful purifier and tonic ; no harmful effects. Write us today for FREK SAMPLE and be convinced. 8. Heltehn A Co., Agtl. _ Portland, Ore. j J W.H. # ASS A Y t Kb, à A Spokane. Prospect samples: Silver, 50c; # A lead, 50c ; Gold and sliver, *1. A ST0WELL & CO. ASSAYERS, RELIABLE ASSAYS Gold.................* .50 I Gold and Silver.« .75 Lead....................50 | Gold.silv's.oop'r L50 Prompt returns on mall samplet IO» usé isi ISth St., Denver, Ctlo. No. 2ft. 1802 XTETHKN writing to advertisers please f T mention this paper. Explained. "And haven't you got any. more money?" asked the sweet young thing celling chances at the chnrch fair. "Yes; I've got a dollar," reluctant ly admitted the unfortunate but truth* ful young man. "But I put it in the sole of my stocking before patting on my shoes so as to have, something to pay my car fare homfi."—Brooklyn Eagle. ^ The Spirit of Strife. Edith—What makes you look so downcast, Ruth? There must be some thing that's troubling yon. Rath—Tell you the troth, Edith, my married life has been a disappoint ment. Before we were married all the girls were after Charley; but now it doesn't appear that any of them want him. I should be so happy if one or two of them would only try to steal him away from me!—Boston Transcript. • Extreme Cruelty. Employer—Mr. Slack, would you like to have an increase in salary? Employe—Would I? I should say I would. ' Employer—Well, let me tell yon, then, that unless you get down here earlier and work a great deal harder, you'll never get it in the world.—Chi cago News. Not Sudden Enough. Her Mother—You told him you would have to have two days in which to make up your mind. Edith (petulantly)—Yes. I couldn't believe a man was much in love who, when we were watching out the old year, couldn't get up the nerve to pro pose until 11:30 o'clock.—Brooklyn Eagle. Not the Only One. "Yes, Mr. Swiftboigh has gone to the country for a rest. The doctor, says he has been doing too much brain work." Brain work! Why, I didn't know he was a brain worker." Sure. He worn himself oat trying to remember every morning .what oc curred the night before."—Baltimore News. __ Reciprocity. He—Whan he married the widow he quit smoking. She—Why? He—Well, she gave up her weeds for him and he gave up the weed for her. —Philadelphia Telegraph. Longer. Stranger—Do people really have their offices in the tops of those sky scrapers? Manhattan—Of course. The days are longer up there than they are on the street level, and every minute counts here.—Town Topics. Home Information Bureau. Hixon—Between me and my wife we know it all. Dixon—How's that? Hixon—She tells me everything that happens, and I tell her a lot of things that never happened.— Chicago News. World's Largest Cheese. The largest cheese ever made was six feet ten inches in diameter and 21 feet in circumfetence. It was made at the Ingersoll factory, in Canada, and weighed 7,000 pounds. Perfect Legal Proof. Mrs. Newlywed—John, I've lost our marriage certificate! Mr. Newlywed—Never mind! Any one of these receipted millinery bills will prove the ceremony.—Puck. ' Plate Powder. Plate powder is usually made of rouge and prepared chalk. Plate powder con taining mercury puts a splendid polish on silver, but is very injurious. Accounted For. "He looks so grave." "That's because he is buried in him self." $100.00 Reward To protect your health and our reputation, we will gladly pay this big reward to any one who will furnish us infor mation on which we can secure conviction of a dealer who tries to sell worthless fake imitations, when CASCARET 5 are called for. When you're offered something "just as good", it's because there is a little more money in the fake. Buy CASCARETS from the honest dealer. They are always put up in blue metal boxes with long-tailed trade marked C on the cover—every tablet stamped C. C. C„ and they are never sold in bulk. Remember this and when ever fakes are offered when CASCARETS are called for. get all the details and write us on the subject at once. SIX MILLION BOXES SOLD LAST YEAR V OUR BEST TESTIMONIAL ^ LOdcafceto THIS IS © THE TABLET BEST FOR BOWELS AND LIVER w ork wruLi: you yam, 111 never net well and be well ulfthe time until yea pat yoar beweis Take oar advice) start with CAUGAKKT* today, aader an abealate tee to euro or nraacy refunded. «M JOc. 25c. 50c. NEVER SOLD IN BULK. DRUGGISTS OA "5 ft rtt. dotier modi« •ar Wit iMtl EhMleUlf grass F box to after uelajr Health will t£%SS WJ ■et yoar niff rai* jran-atart æ fin» SUMMER COLDS Produce Chronic Catarrh. £7/ Madame Isabella Ellen Baveas. Madame Isabella Ellen Baveas, Lift Governor Grand Lodge of Free Masons of England, in a ietterfrom Hotel Sara toga, Chicago, 111., says: 'This summer while traveling I contracted a most persistent and an noying cold. My head ached, my eyes and nose seemed constantly running, my lungs were sore and I lost my ap petite, health and good spirits. Doc tors prescribed for me all manner of pills and powders, but ail to no pur pose. "I advised with a druggist and he spoke so highly of a medlcine xalled Peruna, that he induced me to try my first bottle of patent medicine. How ever, it proved such a help to me that I soon purchased another bottle and kept on until I was entirely well."— Madame Isabella Ellen Baveas. Summer colds require prompt treat ment. They are always grave, and sometimes dangerous. The prompt ness and surety with which Peruna acts in these cases has saved many lives. A large dose of Peruna should be taken at the first appearance of a cold in summer, followed by small and oft repeated doses. There is no other remedy that medical science can furn isn, so reliable and qnick in its action as Peruna. Address The Peruna Medicine Com pany, Columbus, Ohio, for a free book entitled "Summer Catarrh," which treats of the catarrhal diseases peculiar to summer. ✓ $ m 88S A D $3&$3£9 SHOES S Established 1876. For more than a quarter of a century the reputation of W. L. Douglas shoes for style, com fort, and wear has excelled all other makes. A trial will convince you. W. L. DOUGLAS 84 SHOES CANNOT BE EXCELLED. ÎÏÏÂ 11 , 108 , 82 # 1 iWÄ $ 2 , 840,000 Bist Imported and American leathers, Heyl'e Patent Calf, Enamel, Box Calf, Calf, Viel Kid, Corona Colt, Nat. Kangaroo. Fast Color Eyelets need. Caution ! The genuine have W. L DOUGLAS' name and price stamped on bottom. Shoes by mail, 25c. extra. Illus. Catalog free. W. L. DOUGLAS, BROCKTON, MASS. They'd Come Back "Rimer's having some success with his poems now, I believe." "Nonsense! What makes you think that?" « "He told me he was holding his own." "Just so. He's jnst realizing that he might as well hold them as send them away."—Philadelphia Press. EighThT It "I have been making a tonr of the South," remarked J. B. Joseph. "I was greatly amused on alighting from the train on the Georgia Central, in Savannah. The station is surrounded in all directions by a lot of saloons. In great illuminated letters over one of these saloons was the sign: ✓ " 'Open all night.' " A Poier for "Pop." Teddy—Pa? Pa—Yes, dear. Teddy—May I ask a question? Pa—Certainly, Teddy. Teddy—Where's the wind when don't blow?—New York Times. His Idea of Friendship. "The best way to destroy your en emies," said the man with a gentle na ture, "is to make them your friends.' "Yes," answered Senator Sorghum, thoughtfully, "but sometimes that costs a heap of money."—Washington Star. The Oldest and Best S. S. S. is a combination of roots and herbs of great curative powers, and when taken into the circulation aeorches out and removes all manner of poisons from the blood, without the least shock or harm to the system. On the contrary, the general health begins to improve from the first dose, for S. S. S. is not only a blood purifier, hut an excellent tonic, and strength ens and builds up the constitution while purging the blood of impuri ties. S. S. S. cures all diseases of a blood poison origin, Cancer, Scrofula, Rheumatism, Chronic Sores and Ulcers, Eczema, Psoriasis, Salt Rheum, Herpes and similar troubles, and is an infallible cure and the only antidote for that most horrible d i seas e , Contagious Blood Poison. A record of nearly fify years of successful cures is a record to be proud of. S. S. S. is more popular today than ever. It numbers its friends by the thousands. Our medical corres pondence is larger than ever in the history of the medicine. Many write to thank us for the great good S. S. S, has done them, while others are seek ing advice about their cases. All letters receive prompt and careful attention. Our physicians have made a life-long study of Blood and Skin Dis eases, and better understand such cases than the ordinary practitioner who makes a specialty of no one disease, We are doing great 'ood to suffering umanity through our consulting dc partaient, and invite you to write ns if you have any blood or skin trouble. We make no charge whatever for this service. THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO.. ATLANTA, BA. "THE OLDEST TRUST COMPANY IN OREOON." PORTLAND TRUST COMPANY of OREGON INCORPORATED APRIL 22. 1887. BENJ. I. COHEN, President. B. LEE PAGET, Secretary. The Portland Trust Company of Oregon Issues Interest Bearing Certificate* of Deposit on the Following Terms: On Special Certificates of Deposit, not less than «500 each, payable upon ten day*' call by the holder or ten days' notice by the Trust Company, 3% per cent per annum. Payable on thirty days' call or thirty days' notice, 3w per cent per annum. Payable on ninety days' call or ninety days' notice, 4 per cent per annum. On certificates of «5,000 or over interest will be paid quarterly or semi-annually if deaired ' PORTLAND TRUST COMPANY OF ORBOON, 109 Third Street, Portland, Oregon. Long Hair "About a year ago my hair was coming out very fast, so I bought a bottle of Ayer's Hair Vigor. It stopped the falling and made my hair grow very rapidly, until now it is 4s inches in length."—Mrs. A. Boydston, Atchison, Kans. There's another hunger than that of the stomach. Hair hunger, for instance. Hungry hair needs food, needs hair vigor— Ayers . This is why we say that Ayer's Hair Vigor always restores color, and makes the hair grow long and heavy. «1.00 a bottle. All druggist*. If your druggist cannot supply you, send us one dollar and we will express you a bottle. Be sure and give the name of your nearest express oftice. Address, J. C. AYER CO., Lowell, Mass. His Profession. "Please, sir," began the beggar "would you give a poor man a dime' I can't get work at my trade, and—" "Why," Btormed the prosperous looking pedestrian, "I just gave you a dimeat the other corner! What is your trade, anyway?" "I know you gave me that dime, sir," said the beggar, "but you see I'm a retoucher by profession."—Bal timore American. How's Thin? We offer one hundred dollars reward for any case of Catarrh that can not be cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHBNT5Y Ä CO., Props., Toledo, O. We, the underaigned, have known F. J, Cheney for the last 15 years, and believe him perfectly honorable In all busin<>ss transac tions and financially able to carry out any obligatio ne made by their firm. WEST & THU AX, Wholesale Druggists, To ledo, O. WALDINO, KINNAN & MARVIN, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O. Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken internally, act ing directly upon the blood- and mucous sur faces of the system. Price ?5c per bottle. Sold by all druggists. Testimonials free. Hall's Family Pills are the beet. On the Golf Links. Gladys—Edith says you are only mazing love to me ont of . revenge be cause she refused yon. Rupert—Pray tell her for me that revenge is so sweet that I've forgiven the injury.—Judge. How to Be Happy. "They say that Mamie's twice as happy since her divorce." "She ought to be. Her husband used to allow her $30 a month for spending money, and now she gets $60 for alimony."— San Francisco Town Talk. A Try*t, Benevolent Gentleman — My little boy, have you no better way to spend this beautiful Sunday afternoon than by standing before the gate idling away your time? Boy—I ain't idling away my time. There's a feller inside with my sister ' who's paying me sixpence an hour to watch for pa.—Tit Bits.