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The Western news. [volume] (Stevensville, Mont.) 1890-1977, August 26, 1903, Image 5

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn84036207/1903-08-26/ed-1/seq-5/

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Fall Goods Arriving
AND WE MUST HAVE ROOn,
Next 30 Days
We Will Make REDUCED PRICES
on All Summer Stock.
ÏIND if you want some genuine bargains come
and see us. The prices we make are boni-fide
and not goods marked up for the purpose of mark
ing down. These special prices will apply to all
Summer Goods, Shirt Waists, Skirts and Hats,
Men's Shirts and Underwear, Straw Hats, and, in
fact all goods that are strictly summer weight.
McMurry, Cooper & Grill.
Ipwwvwwwvwwwwwww
Hamiiton-Darby-Springs
U. S.
MAIL AND STAGE LINE.
Stage leaves Hamilton, 8:15 a. m.
" arrives Darby, - 12 m.
" leaves Darby, - 2 p. m.
arrives Hamilton,5:30 p. m,
Stage leaves Darby at 1 p. m.
for all points south, making
Medicine Springs and Ross Hole
on Mondays, Wednesdays and
Fridays.
J. A. WILKERSON, Proprietor.
BINDING TWINE \
5,000 POUNDS. 1
Best Quality Binding Twine for Sale at gj
ß 13 l-2c Per Pound. |j
I G. W. DOUGHERTY, 1
*§ Corvallis, ... Hontana, Sj
Persuasion.
It Needs No Persuasion to Sell Shoes
that have good values sticking out
all over them. ^ &
ERICA $2'!hoes
Look like a dollar more in any light or any position. The style
and leather are just like more expensive shoes, and we stand
back of the wear.
This store is noted for good shoe values. This shoe is partly
responsible for it. If you don't mind saving a dollar look at the
Erica. I have a lot of
MEN'S SHOES—BOX CALF
AND VELOUR CALF.
THE PRICE OF THOSE ARE $4.50 AND I WILL SELL
-THEM AT
$2.75 AND $3.00 A PAIR.
- Also a big lot of
Men's Gloves, KLfa! Cost Price.
Bijou Shoo Store, Subu^nomu^
A. G. BEAUBIEN, Proprietor.
A NEW ENTERPRISE.
BY MAX AhELBR.
"If you only had a little capital to invest,"
•aid the young man, as he touk a chair and
sat down dose to my desk, ''I might put you
in the way of a good thing."
"Mine?"
"Oh, no. It's a petrifaction company; the
Columbia Petrifaction company, of Clarion
county. 1 could spare you 100 shares." |
"What does the Company do?"
"Why, you know, it owns a limestone
spring up here in Clarion county. That spring
used to belong to a man named Herkimer
Jones. One day, when his well ran dry, j
Jones went oft and brought a bucket of wa- ^
ter from that spring and the family drank j
it. What was the consequence? Next morn
ing when the neighbors called, Herkimer
Jones was sitting at the supper table turned
to solid stone. He had half of a sausage in .
his mouth; that was turned to stone, too. I
So was Mrs. Jones, and Ellen P. Jones, and
Herkimer Jones, Jr., and the baby. The '
limestone water did it. The heirs dosed the .
whole lot out to a sculptor named Ferguson, j
who arranged them in a group and sold them j
to the British museum as models from the I
antique. That is, excepting the baby. He !
put plaster paris wings on the baby and |
passed him off as an original design of a
Cupid." I
"What about the company?" j
"Well, you see, the company at once
bought up the spring property and they in
tend to go into the petrifying business upon
a large scale. For example, s'pose'n you
get a contract from congress to execute an
equestrian statue of Gen. Washington. First
you find a horse; you make that horse drink
at the spring, and there he is! Perfectly
splendid! Then you find a man wiio bears
a sort of general resemblance to Washing
ton. You arrange a picnic; get that man
up there in the woods; offer him a drink;
and in 11 minutes you can chip spalls off
of him with a stone-chisel. Then you mount
your man on yonr horse, and there you
have a group of statuary such as Greece in
her palmiest days would have given her
bottom dollar to get."
"I see."
"The company, you know, purposes to
have the country poorhonse located near to
tlie spring; and as the president of the board
of trustees owns 60 shares, we calculate to
solidify paupers right along, without inter
mission, say 20 or 30 a day. Don't you see
what a magnificent prospect it open* up for
high art in America? We can fill any order.
Say you want a statue of Gen. Jackson, ai\d
the only available pauper is too fat. What
do we do? We petrify him, and then we
chip him down and touch up his counte
nance, maybe, with a chisel. Suppose you
want a pair of saints to work into the front
door to a church. We select a couple of
venerable vagrants, harden them, turn their
noses down, to give them dignity of expres
sion, and the bricklayers then can build
them right into the door jambs."
"Suppose the demand for that kind of
statuary be small?"
"Then we come down to a basis of utility
at once. S'posin' there's a pauper with in
flammatory rheumatism in his leg? We pet
rify him.. We sell him to a doctor. That
doctor cuts off the leg with a marble saw,
and there he has that inflammatory rheu
matism right before him turned into gran
ite. S'posin' one of them lias a torpid liver?
In two hours the doctors can examine that
liver just as if it was a brickbat, with the
torpidity sticking out all over it. Mind you,
if the supply of paupers holds out, 1 venture
to say that the day is not far distant when
you can take petrified livers, and hearts,
and muscles, and brain pans and build a
two-story house with them, with all the
modern conveniences, a mighty sight cheap
er than you can build it out of common stone.
Imagine living in a house made of ossified
livers! Be unique, wouldn't it? It would
attract attention.
"I don't care for auch thing* myself,
but—"
"Gen. Bangs, he tried some curious experi
ments with the water out of that spring.
He threw a bucketful on a cat that was jump
ing about on hi* back fence one night; and
there she is now, fur up, tail elevated, moutl
ojien, picturesque and natural as life! Nex
night he soused another one; same effec
of course; and now Gen. Bangs has 13 ex
quisite statuettes of cats in various atti
tudes of grace ranged around on his fence
Ferguson, the sculptor, tol'd him he conkin''
have had those cats done in Carrara marbh
in Europe under .$50,0(10. But, of course, yoi
have to be careful when you have tiie Co
lumbia water around. Gen. Bangs kept hi«
in a barrel, and the other day his mother
in-law filled a pitcher from it, accidentally,
and took a drink. One hour later it took
six men to carry her to the window so they
could lower her to the pavement with a
derrick. She weighed nearly a ton, and was
so hard you couldn't crack her with a sledge
hammer. The general was sorry, of course;
and after he had her mounted on a revolving
pedestal he kept her in his front parlor for
a while, palming her off on his friends as
an imported statue of Minerva. But, finally,
as she excited unpleasant comments, he iiad
her cut into slabs and put into his cemetery
lot as tombstones. He had the gratifying
reflection that she is near those who were
dear to her. Let me tell you that if our
company once gets to work, and paupers
are plenty, a man who wants a variegated
tombstone can get something that will please
his taste at rates that will make the marble- ,
yard people sick."
"It looks like a good thing, but I believe
I don't care to go into it." !
"I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm a little
pressed for money now, and if you'll buy 30
shares, you may take them at half price,
and I'll petrify any of your relations you say
for nothing. How's that?"
"I have no relations that I want in that
condition."
"No aunt, or grandmother, or anything
that would work up well into a table top,
or a slab for a fixed waahatand?"
"No."
"And you're going to throw away thia
chance of promoting aesthetic culture and of
encouraging the love for the beautiful in your
own country?"
"I'm afraid so."
The young man shook hia head and aighed,
aa if he could hardly bear to thing of the de
generacy of the times, and then he said:
"Could you lend me a quarter, anyhow?"
I lent it to him, and he went away with
• solemn promise to repay it on the morrow.
But he muet have gone to Europe to sell hi*
•hare*, for h« never returned— N. Y.
Weekly. _
Rsleelloms of a Bethels*.
Women work itatiitic* juet they way they
do dough. ...
Money make* the mare go, but horse*
make the money go.
First young married couple* learn to quar
rel and then not to. ^
It'» funny, but black-haired women want
their hair to be red and gray-haired women
want theira to be black.
All that a man know* about mechanic»
is of mighty little use to him when he trie*
to put the furnace into commission for the
winter— N. Y. Preaa.
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FIRE AT JUGGERS. !
-- I
BY TOM P. MORGAJV.
Every night, just before retiring, old Jug
ger leaned the ladder up against the house
and placed a gallon pail of salt on a chair
in his bedroom. These preparations were
for the purpose of enabling Jugger to get the
bulge upon the fire fiend at his next visit.
Every now and then, for months, the
chimney had a habit of burning out, and aa
the roof often caught fire these events were
the occasion of much excitement.
Jugger had grown tired of reducing him
self to the verge of emotional insanity in
sealciiing for salt to pour down the chimney,
trying to quiet his wife, who insisted upon
indulging in hysterics, and in seeking the
ladder that seemed to have concealed itself
just when it was most needed.
Usually, by the time he had charged all
over the house and lot, colliding with all the
furniture in the former and all the trees,
shrubs, posts and clotheslines in the latter,
the fire had burned out or been extinguished
by the neighbors, and his wife had cried her
self into the first cousin of a fit. Then the
ladder would be found, serene and untrou
bled, in the place where it always reposed,
and the salt would grin at him from the bar
rel in the pantry.
But now Jugger could retire to his couch,
happy in the .thought that, with the salt at
hand and the ladder leaning against the
eaves, he was ready for any emergency.
For nearly a week peace brooded over the
Jugger household. Then the chimney went
011 the rampage again.
It was near midnight when Mrs. Jugger
awoke her spouse by her energetic jab in
the ribs and the thrilling announcement that
she smelt smoke.
Tlie fire could be heard roaring in the chim
ney, and Jugger was sure that a conflagra
tion would speedily ensue if he did not
hasten to the scene of the danger accom
panied by the salt, so he spirung out of bed,
took one quick step and fell forward on his
face, almost executing a dado on the floor
with his nose.
Till of late, Jugger had never worn a robe
de-nuit, but had passed down the years, so
to speak, night-shirtless and neglected. Mi s.
.lugger remedied this awful state of affairs
by presenting her husband, upon Ins last
birthday, not long ago, with a brand new
night shirt, five feet arid three inches long,
forgetting that by all laws of precedent,
Jugger's head ought to stick out of tiie top
of tne garment.
Upon rising in the abrupt fashion before
mentioned, Jugger, forgetting the superflu
ous length of the robe, stepped on the front
of it and came down on his face, as stated,
with a force that nearly drove his nasal
protruberance back out of sight in his coun
tenance.
Springing to his feet and pulling his nose
out to where it belonged, he grabbed the
pail of salt and started toward the door.
Tliis time, when the long robe tripped Jug
ger it sent him headlong against the wall,
with a force that almost shortened up his
neck. When he finally escaped from tiie
house it was by holding up the extraneous
length of the garment.
(Jut of doors and around the house he
rushed, cracking his shins with the sharp
corners of the salt pail at every other jump.
As he came in sight of the flames, streaming
like a flume of lire oui of tiie chimney top,
his excitement caused him to drop the robe
for an instant. He recognized his mistake
when he found himself crawling out of the
embraces of Mrs. Jugger's rare and exceed
ingly thorny Mexican cacti, which were
higuly successful as ornaments, but made
a very poor couch.
Jugger really ought to have possessed a
third hand to assist him while he held onto
the ladder and his life and the salt and his
. night-riVlrt. He was not like' the dilatory
gentleman of chestnut lore, who, in addition
to his right and left hands, was provided
with a little behind hand. He would have
sunnpunted the steep roof with much more
ease and less loss of cuticle if each of his
hands and all of-the feet lie possessed, and
the half-dozen more that he needed, had
been armed with long, sharp claws, capable
of being socked deep into the shingles.
After Mr. Jugger had succeeded in climb
ing up the steep roof at about the same rate
of speed as that of the arithmetical frog
that, in climbing out of the well, ascended
two feet every day and fell back three feet
every night, the neignbors were astounded
at the vision that appeared on tiie ridge
pole. They saw, by the light of the chim
ney's torch, a figure that looked like a large
cat in a long gown crawling along the apex
of the roof
Just as Jugger raised the pail in order
to pour the salt down the chimney, his toe
holds slipped at one side. Instead of going
down the chimney the salt was poured down
the roof, a white and gritty cascade. A mo
ment later Jugger followed it. There was
a frantic clutching and clawing, and a wild
yell that nearly put out the tire, and the
human toboggan went sliding down over
the salty and splintery surface of tlie shin
gles.
The frantic manner in which a drowning
man is supposed to clutch at straws would
not have been a circumstance to the en
thusiastic and unreserved manner in which
Jugger endeavored to plant his claws upon
or into something that would stay his prog
rès*.
His efforts were useless! Down he went
ât a rate that made the salt sandpaper off
the splinters that would otherwise have pro
truded from his person and given him
the appearance of a human pincushion. Had
it not been for the presence and kind of
fices of the salt, JuggJ.'s condition would
have been a much more deplorable one, for,
while a man with splinters sticking out all
over him like pin-feathers may be very use
ful as a human scratcher, he certainly can
not be considered as ornamental. An Adon
is stuck full of splinters must pull down his
sign, and no man likes to think that his
chances of winning in a beauty competition
have gone wnere prohibition prohibits, and
henceforth he can aspire to nothing better
than being an animated toothpick-holder.
Just as Jugger went over the edge of the
roof the tail of his robe caught on a sturdy
gutter-clamp. For a moment he hung like
a large, wmte bat. There was the sound
like that which ensues when the friendship
of years is rent in twain from top to bot
tom. The sturdy clamp, having got its full
share of the garment, Jugger dropped, with
a wail of anguish, into the very heart of Mrs.
Jugger's other cactus bed. Then the fire
went out, leaving a scratched and splintery
wreck of humanity wrapped in the clinging
embrace of the cacti from Mexico.
There is a large void waiting to be filled
by an invention that will lift a sufferer out of
a cactus bed without raking all the thorns
along the extent of his person until he is
scratched clear from here to yonder.
Now Jugger questions all visitors to learn
if anybody has ever established a precedent
by standing on his head to sleep, so that
none of the scratches or slivers will be dis
turbed.
Jugger kill not wear his birthday present
any more. He does not consider that a night
shirt with all of the southwest quarter
torn ont is exactly suited to his stjle ol
beauty.—Good Literature.
VyG
CM
200-acre ranch, well improved, good 7-room house,
ÖS other buildings, orchard, good fence, No. 1 water
ri ri't............................................$4,500 S3
■jg 80-acre ranch in intensive farming; all under eulti
5S vation, pays $1,G00 per year now, 700 fruit trees, §5
(§ good buildings—a beautiful home..........$6,300 j§
gg 52 acres of land 21 miles from Hamilton, good
^ soil and water, per acre.............................$50 am
2) 40 acres unimproved land G miles south of Ham
ton, price................ ttonr
i
$300 &

Rivei view Lots. §
3 lots, fenced, 31 bearing fruit trees, with orna- S\3
^ mental and shade, good water, size 150x170, price
S] P er 1( >t.............................................$200 9S
I« 11 lots, 50x150, nicely located, per lot........$150
-room house, fruit and ornamental trees, good
barn and drove well, size of land 170x300, or G <§£
[v double lots—a fine residence. yyj
M 1 acre, fenced, small plastered house, chicken
house, good water right—cheap.
$450 §3
Fine resident lots of all prices and kinds in §2
Riverview. *»]
!j fl. J. Allison=Reinkeh,
Proprietor.
I C. C. COULTER, Agent.
1 vs* vsz* •zs*' vk'v-3' v5^ •
JOHN LAGcRQUIST.
E. ERICKSON.
LAGERQUIST & ERICKSON,
Contractors and
Builders.
PLANS, SPECIFICATIONS AND ESTIMATES FUR
NISHED ON SHORT NOTICE.—Satisfaction Guaranteed.
Hamilton, Montana.
!
I
THE UNGUIDED BRIDEGROOM.
Thera la Room for Inetrnetlona for
Him on How to Look Prop
erly Happy.
A thoughtful young man of Wash
ington was heard to decry the fact the
other day that while there is a deluge
of don't« and do's for the bride to fol
low—how to enter the church, how to
behave during the ceremony, what to
wear, and so on—the bridegroom must
shift for himself, says tlie 1'ost of that
city.
"There is absolutely nothing to
guide a man but his own awkward self,
and it isn't fair," he said. "From the
time a girl is old enough to hear, she
understands the importance of having
things done properly at a wedding.
While tlie prospective groom is some
thing necessary to complete the pic
ture, but a secondary consideration,
and nothing short of inspiration can
get a man through a marriage cere
mony gracefully.
"In order to impress the bride and
spectators that he is enthusiastic
about it, he appears with a sort of
frozen grin on his face that you ex
pect to melt at any moment and run
down his collar. If he is too frightened
to respond in a loud voice some of the
bride's girl friends will whisper that
he 'was unwilling from the first'—
again, if he replies in a loud, stern
voice, another bunch in another direc
tion of the church will huddle together
and express how glad they are that
they are not marrying him, while the
attitude of many is that they are sign
ing away their life and all worth living
for. Bo I think it about time," contin
ued the thoughtful young man, "that
somebody is writingafewhintsonhow
to behave that we may appear enthus
iastic about being married without be
ing ridiculous and a target for thepeo
ple to knock at."
MADE DEAL ON DEATH BSD.
Strang* Tran anation Bet we an Wil
liam Rookafallar and tha Lata
Bhsrassa Daly
A peculiar business transaction in
which William Rockefeller and the
late Marcus Daly ware concerned has
jiiat come to light. It seems that
when the Montana copper king waa
lying at the point of death he had
on depoait in the National City bank
one account amounting to $197,995,
and a special account of $1,300,518.
A singular thing in connection
with the apeci&l depoait of $1,300,518
in the National City bank is that it
waa opened only a few days before
Mr. Daly's death in the form of a
check of William Rockefeller for
money which he owed to Mr. Daly
aa a result of transactions in which
both men were interested, but" the
nature of which is not disclosed, say»
a New York report.
It is understood that it was Mr.
Daly's intention to use this money
in the purchase of the Amalgamated
Copper company, of which he owned
at the time he died 67,300 shares.
Claims amounting to $1.600,000 are
pending against Mr. Daly's estate^
the chief of which is in an action
brought by the United States against
the estate to recover $1,365,000 for
trespass on government lands and
the conversion of timber removed
from it. P. J. Shields also has n
claim against the estate for $258,000.
He claimed to have been a partner
with Mr. Daly in a coal mine and
some other enterprises. John H. Ma
loney and others have an action
pending in the Montana court« to
recover $50,000.
THE AMATEUR GARDENER.
An IUnatratlve Example of What Ha
Don Not Know About
Garde mint*.
One of the recently married cou
ples rented a house in the suburbs
and started to housekeeping on their
own account, relates the Memphis
Scimitar.
They planted a garden.
Recently the husband was looking
over the new vegetables as they were
bursting through the ground, and
with his wife was discussing the
appearance of the different plants
as they appeared above the ground,
most of which were new to them.
They came to the row of beans
which were just shooting their heads
into the air and marveled that tha
seed should be thus thrust up. It
appeared to the husband that the or
der of their appearance was re
versed.
He pondered the matter over and,
after giving it due consideration,
decided that it would be a pity to
have the beane ruined through their
ignorance of the proper maimer of
coming through the ground.
To save them this catastrophe, ho
pulled them all up, and reset them
with the seed underneath, where ho
thought a good aeed should be.
'A ReaRakta Chsr«fe. '"j
The Eskimo« poaaaased the most re
mark able place of worahip ln tha
world. It waa a sealakin church. Forty
sealskins were stretched over a light
framework and in thia tent, 18 feet by
IS feet, services were held every Sum
lay. But the ehureh came to an urn
timely end. One hard winter the Es
kimos' dogs, bsing half famished,
lined on the sealskins, and only tha
frame was left. Tha Eskimos hav«
sow erected a dog proof tabernacle.

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