The Clarksburg telegram. [volume], July 21, 1893, Image 5

About The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926

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Harveyw harder 1
Attorney-atLaw
Offloe with Hon. John Banal, Glarks
bnrg. W. Va. 85-tt
r ewis c. uwior,
u '4
^A-ttoxaaosr-ax-Xja-w.
CLARKSBURG, W. VA
Books Nob. 7 A 8. Gory Bcxldixs
P W. LiYNOH'8 ~~
i liwMm
Iu Court House rear of Oironit Court
Clerk's offloe. [7.
nUJUUMU HOWU1, *. J>? '
Praotltlonerof
MEDICINE, SURGERY, (fee.
CLABKHBIIKG, W. Vn.
omoe.- Main Btraet, oppoalte4th.
Hnnr?.?tolOa.m..? toSand7 ta8p. m.
K. ADAMS,. |
" CommlealonerorAeconnla.
Offloe in Court House,
4.1.1 Clarksburg, W. Va.
r>R. GEO. M. HOLT
DERTHT,
Will be In bin offlce. Clark..
(TTWilBfcbur*, W. Va. four month, of the
Atjant and?fo?imfiw." f^lnleusxtimtCKi
ofteeth guaranteed, and a net of beautiful
iMtta I Queried In ene minute after the ex.
traction. ' I " : m I
Office Mala afcreei. opposite Fourth.
DR?EHALLi
: ? ~ ? ? ??12
Of Morris* Hall
S? permanently located In Olarksbnrf .and
<111 be found at nls ofBoe from tb. Mr it (a
renth of eaeh month. [S
OR. C.B.MORRIS
ulllvmtoiarksbnrf as nanal, from lmt t.
1/Uh n/Mepf. Dee, Marrh eeif June,
QK. A. B. VANUHTEN,
? DBWTIHT,
Graduate of th.
Penu'a Dental Ool
leae.
_ Offlceand Re.idenot
/ on Main Mreet, near,
r, lv nppoelte Hotel
rfouthern. Clark.
bnrt, v>' Va. it.
CLE. WILSON,
PHOJ?GRApHER.
Pike street - - Near Postoffioe.
Clarksburg. West Va.
I B. Redman. H. T. Bkdmas.
REOMAN.BROS.
f-Tfissr?
mter gauges,1^
PIKE STREET.
Dr. A. HI. Jarrett,
V vJXi1.1 ln Clarksburg omoe, Howell
vptuiulnB,every four month#??oe local no
-O^ee. Every thing In Prnnthetle Deniiitry,
crone here-not brought and Inserted. AII of
iS? ?P.er ?Pecmltlea attended lo promptly.
f*AU communications nbould be add rained
to the borne ofBcett Okfton, W. V.-^g
OST W. F. SWISHER,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON.
Graduate of University of Maryland,
Baltimore, Md.. tenders liis profession
al services to oitizens of West Milford
and vioinity. All oalls will receive
prompt attention. Offloe at residence
of Mrs. Lynoh. ll-4m
X T HE MONTICELLO
BRICK COMPANY,
Manufacturers of ?
Hand Made Brick,
awl Contractors for Brick Work.
Will keep constantly on hand a
full supply of first-class brick, at
? lie Meftticello Brick Yard, on
Monticello St., Clarksburg, W. Va.
Orders solicited. Address J. R
Adams, Secretary.
Box 148, Olarksburg, W. Va.
16-lyr.
^IricR WofRs.
I have and will keep on band at my Yard
?n Clay street, a stock of First Claaa
Band Made
Red Brick.
i*1'1 also Contract f~-;Brlok Work of even
1 ,on* K. W. WILLIAMS.
Jaa. 1-lvr Lock Box 83i.
"? Moffett, Notary Pnblic, Oonvey
auoer and Pension Solioitor. Prompt
V $jyi?n to a" business. West Milford,
(JARPENTRY & CONTRACT
ING.
C. D. OGDEN.
. i .^Mpontery and Contracting for
All kinds of buildings, Trestles
?nd Wooden Bridging. Heavy
framing a specialty. All work
carefully constructed.
m
'Formerly oonduoted by J. H. Small
WAGONS, BUGGIES, CARRIAGES,
p, ?t of Material and Workmanship,
r nil line of material for repairing; ol
*?ys on hand. Would be pleased to
"aveyouoolL Conducted by
N. E. MAPHIS,
^Wilsonbnrg, W. Va. .1st]
1ILL NYE'S
XID-SUMIER *C8INe8 Ar BUCK
SHOALS, SOBTII CAKOLINA.
Bow Bill Is Enlojlnf lire.
[In the Tkliobak by speoial arrange
meat]
corrniaHTKD 1S83.
It is now that everything is In Ml leai
in this country. A young woman a
trifle over 7 feet high comes to my slosh
on the French Broad and sells me
berries. Once my wife was away, and I
did not know how we were fixed for ber
ries. Berries, both black and straw and
rasp..are sold hero at 0 cento per big
quart and bnlled ready for the tablo at
that. They are good all trammer.
SHE SAT DOWN.
"Sit down on the porch. Birdie," Isaid,
"and converse."
She sat down, bnt still remained taller
than I was. I never saw a longer waisted
person or one who was so uniformly of
one sixe all the way down, as my friend
Comstock says?not Anthony, bnt an
other man altogether. She had a chest
like a grasshopper, and as she sat there
with her long, sad face, reminding me
of a horse with n sunbonnet on, I said to
myself: "Shall 1 bny these berries and
let her go home or wait till my wife
comes and discovers us conversing and
then remains forever unhappy? Shall 1
break np our happy home or notT
She looked hungry too. She was. I
would say that, regarding her from a
Scriptural standpoint, she waawithout
form and void.
The red bugs seemed to annoy her a
good deal on the ankles. That is how 1
came to learn that her calves were on
Staten Island feriyboat?yon couldn't
always tell whether it was going over to
Staten Island or returning.
She was a merry little mountain maid.
I think they call her about here Splayfoot
Sal, but it may be another girl who
gathers berries and has that name. Iam
not sure. She is the Tarheel Sequoia of
Ticktown. It would do you good to see
her- guileless ways. Some day she will
I marry a low set man with 11 dogs, and
they will live on wild cucumbers and
blackberries and rear their yonng, and
they will never langh, and ho will never
get asphyxiated unless some neighbor in
tlie feud business asphyxiates him with
a donble barrel shotgun, and their lives
will be as even and as devoid of incident
as they would be in the penitentiary.
Yet they will be content Never hav
ing seen Tiffany's store, they will not
yearn for any of his goods. Never hav
ing boarded at Delmonico's, they will
actually prefer bacon and corn bread or
hominy. Two friends of Splayfoot Sal
went into Ashoville to work at Oakland
heights. They did well for a month.
Then they came to Miss Vaughan and
said they guessed they'd have to quit
"What's the matter!" asked Miss V.
"Well, we can't live on this here truck
you give us to eat."
"Why, dont you get the same that we
all do? What do you have to eat?"
"Why, we get beefsteak and white
flour bread and veal and lamb meat and
knlckknacks. Them don't sustain folks.
They just tantalize 'em,"
"What do yon want?"
"Why, bacon and com bread. There's
somethin to hit, bnt we can't work here
week after week on goodies. We want
somethin that won't 'vanish itself away"
in a hour or two."
One old lady took a bite at the same
place one day, being a sort of pensioner
on the bounty of the proprietress. Miss
V. gave her some vanilla ice cream. The
old lady kept talking and running on
about times and how hard they seemed.
Then after swinging her knife aimlessly
around and standing it np on the table
awhile she swooped down on the vanilla
ice cream and spread some of it on her
bread, talked some more, ate some more
and then burst out with:
"Gush, Emilie, how cold yer butter
is!"
And yet these plain people are as con
tented as Thurber of Washington, who
?is private secretary for President Cleve
land. Thurber does not greet the glad
morn more blithely than do these simple
children'of the vales of Pisgah and the
covey clearings and settlementeof Koan
mountain. Of oourse I do not know Mr.
Thurber, but Mr. Cleveland has promised
me a letter to Mm, and I shall -hope to
call his attention to the pure joy that
oomes not of unlimited powers alone.
To him it is pleasant, of course, to mold
an administration or make up an itinep
ary for the president. But let us pause,
Thurber, pause to consider that, stirred
up and vexed and worried over holding
up one side of the great national fabric
as you are, especially when the president
is out of town, we are 62,500,000 miles
from the sun, and we only get one two
billionth' of his solar heat Other worlds
get the balance.
Think of that, Thurber, when you put
on your black cambric sleeves and reign.
I could imagine Robert Browning call
ing for yon if he were nere and waiting
out in the front entry quite a long tone
while you quarreled With the cabinet or
to remain with
gone^homei . I. ?y I. could , imagine
water out of hit umbrella in the front
?nt~ ?? ??-- m"- ? J to get
in, but, failing even to do that,
ing sadly away, while in the distance ne
could hew you pouring out a volley'of
oaths on Mr. Cleveland. Then I hew
the gentle, quiet voice of the poet as he
quotes from himself: * ^
And ??tl deem that God is not disquieted* V
Do you realize, Thurber, that you and;
I and the German emperor are only
worms in the vpst economy of nature?
Do you understand that men struggle
to the close of a long lifetime and are
never heard off That they study and
work to get even an opportunity to ap
pear on the stage, think a thought and
retire? Do you consider tho fact that
they fail evon in that?
Why should you and I try. Thurber;
try to be great stars and be well
when tho nearest fixed star is so faraway
that.it takes throe years for its light to
reach us. and he is not so very, well fixed
either?' & ,|
We should not overestimate ourselves.
Thurber. We should be modest Look
st the pictures made to represent me.
Wonld you stand that. Thurber? No,
Indeedy!
Here is a boy who writes me on a
postal card, notwithstanding tho ruling
in the Thirty-fifth Massachusetts Reports
in Bingham versus Hingham, page 205
?vis, that correspondence purported to
have been carried on by means of postal
cards is not admissible as evidence, the
court having dismissed the case with
costs because the evidence hung upon
matter written on a postal cord.
Ho reminds me of you, Thurber, in the
way he reprimands his superiors and
snubs them and sauces them by postal
card for laxness in sending two auto
graphs at once-one for himself, I pre
sume, and one for the cigars*
iUuiOK. Maw., April ST.
Diutt Ma. Nva-I aent to you a letter on tlw
Sal day of Fobruary asking for two of your
autographs. | InclotedaX-oontitamp. Now, I
do not sou why I bay. not received a reply. U
It because yon did not receive my letter, or It It
because yon are, u I have heard UUiecaw
with all humorist*, unwilling to oblige me, or
Is it for some other reason? Prty relieve my
mind ?/ replying and sending two autographs.
I am a boy IS years of age and go to the high
school, lours truly. Auck I.
You do wrong, in the first place, in
signing yourself Aleck I, or Smart Aleck.
I. Aleck MDCCCXCm would be more 1
appropriate, for I have other such postal
cards.
But 1 will not try to brave it out. I
Aleck. I alone am.to blame. It is bet
ter to expose myself in the paper and let!
?the whole world know what a wretch I
am - ' ? ;? j'&Cv-. - ...
Aleck, 1 was unworthy of your trust. !
tiuul tllA (ilan<? ?
am.
I could not write to you and tell yon
what I had done. I was unable to right
the great wrong or even confess it to you.'
Have pity on me, Aleck I, aged 10?have
pity and let it go.
You speak harshly of humorists. That
does not concern me. Your cold'stabs
per postal card fall harmlessly on my.
massive skull. When you revile the
farmer, I writhe land squirm, bit your
attacks on the humorist do me good.
Hop on 'em,' Aleck I They deserve it
They would be improved by it Write
them on the back of a postal card fre
quently.- But go easy on us farmers.
You can have no idea, Aleck, what a
shrinkage there- has been in values. It
applies to everything. A week ago I had
a World's fair watermelon! Yesterday
I went down to gloat over it It had
shrtink to a little dead melon that had
been tapped twice!
Do not write me any more, however,
Aleck. I do not build up a correspond
ence generally with those who write me
for two autographs.
There is another reason why in later
years I have neglected my autograph
friends, and I am sorry and ashamed to
admit it here in public, but the consump
tive young man who did my beat auto
graph fact similars is dead.
HB READ ALL THESE LETTERS.
I used to practice for days trying to do
it as well as he did, but never could get
it quite so accurate as he could. X
brought him here hoping that his lungs
would heal and health return, but he ex
posed himself too much. He attended to
all my correspondence, read -all the ap
pealing.begging letters I recrfved.leE
ters asking me to lecture to a peniten
tiary or to open an asylum with a few
'characteristic remarks, assuring me
I would be blessed fourfold, when the
writers had no authority to make such
promises, having no influence whatever.
Well, he read all these letters as they
came and overwept himself and cried
into his-overshoes a good deal and forgot
to change his socks, and so he died.
In answer to a northern friend I give
below the conjugation of the verb
"done." It is from advanced sheets of a
new grammar which I am now working
on:
coxjuoATioi* or Tint vkhb doxs? past t?c
Singular--1 done it. You done it. He or sbe
done it.
8tUl More Singular?1 done done it. Thou or
don? It. He done done it.
it * doneIt" Yoa done They done
8till More Phiral-We done done It. Too
done done 1U They done done It.
i or too J
f.doM lu Ho i
fdory*it.
-We might, ooold, would or ihonld of
- ?
QU COWfli WOUIl W BnOOlU
" ? " ? n
^ fwiBoltf, W/OSQ
-1 might, ooold, woold or ?h<tuM of
idone gone and done 1U Tbouoryoo
jld, would or tboQld of Jtrt plumb
i and done It. Ho might, could, would
I of Jett plumb done gone end don* It.
-Wo might, ooold. would or ihould of
fe done gone and done It. You might,
U would or should of jMt plumb done go
anil done it. They might, eould, would >
ehouldof Jest plumb donegone and done It
P. a?The expense of smoking three
! 5-cent cigars per day for 50 yearsls |54,
168.14; for 100 yean, tl06.89t.S8s for 200
yean. #816.648.86. This ram carefully
deposited in a privato bonk would main
tain fire officers of the bank well for four
years in Toronto. B.N.
' ? .
Something In Pronpeet.
i raoxmil Mtlnwul Vir'nVmfclfi
: Ut liHO UUUUUitJ DUU ? n?u
against the board fence. A
old man, walking with 'greai uignity,
came along and halted to look the urchin
over and inquire:
??Boy, hain't I dun seen vo' sumwhar
;befot Baint yo' de widder Taylor1*
son?"
. "Yes," was the reply.
"Anwhatyo'loafln round yere in dis
fashun fur?'
"Am dat yo'r hignesSi" saucily de
manded the boy.
"Am it? Am it? Waal, I should declar
to reckon it was!"
"What yo' got tor do "bout it?"
"What I got to do tout it? Why, boy,
yo' doan' 'pear to know met Permit me
to interduce myself asde gentian who
has bin co'rtfn yo'r mndder fur de las',
three weeks an who's dun gwine to mar
ry her dis eavenin an become yo'r step
fadderi Look out fur me 'bout 7 o'clock .
tomorrer mawnin, boy I 1'se gwine to
beginat dat airly hour to make yo' wish
you'd nebber bin bo'n into dis yere stait
?of Alabama to sho' yo'r peartnessl"?De
troit Free Press.
( V
ssSswhb
Clara?Why are you so bitter against
him?just because he proposed and you
refused him? i.
- Maude?The wretch 1 He said he
would never ask me again.?Vogue.
Clrennutintlal Erldenee.
Tommy was getting well of the meat-1
les and his mother was properly careful |
lest lie should be allowed to expose him
self.
"Is Tommy still out in that cold gar- j
den, Bridget?" she asked toward night
fall.
"No, mom, he's come in."
"Where is he!" ?
"Sure an I haven't seen him, mam, I
but I'know he's oome in, 'cause the cats
got on top of the tea cupboard."?Ex-1
change.
.yi? v-- . v j ySB V'';5
I HeLortd HUHom.
Colonel Yerger?Sam, you must be I
very careful when you feed the horses.
Always speak toa horse before you touch
him or he may get sacred and let fly
both heels at your head.
gam Johnsing?Yes, Bah, HI be keer-1
1 f ul. "
Colonel Yerger?I hope you will. 1
don't care to have a lame horse on my |
hands.?Texas Sittings.
A Joke on the Hone.
This stray is abont Philadelphia twins.
The nurse was giving them a bath.
Later, hearing the children laughing in
bed, the said:
"What are you children laughing
abouti" ?
"Oh, nothing," replied Edna, "only I
you have given Edith two baths and I
haven't given me any."?Philadelphia
Post
An lngenlow Theorj.
"They say s woman , cant keflji'ia s<
"They do say so." ?
"Well, I think women are too much
blamed in thia matter. It isn't the worn-1
W that gjvea away the secret. Itisthe
people she tells it to who let it out. ? |
New York press.
?UnfortoBtto.
"Palette is in hard luck," said one art-1
ist to another.;
"HowT . URN ? .
"He painted a picture of the grate in I
his room and got it so natural and life
like that anew servant he had threw a
scuttleful of coal through it and ruined
it."?Tit-Bita,
A ClW D?r EpUode.
"What do you think Sister Imctosaya |
about you. Jack?"
"Don't know. I'm sure."
"Well, she says that you're my Har-1
raid souvenir spoon."
"Hum! That's all right so long aayou
me in the soup."-Boston Bear
, ? . . ?. ,rv.?? .
? *. . ? ' ift" ' . ? ? ? .
-"J- V ; ?' .' ?
i|S
"?fc
"Anwh.
laawrtrEsra _
how."
"Whynotl*
"Theysaid I was capable of manual
labor."
? "Did they indeed!"
"They did, Willie." sighed Turnpike
disconsolately.
Willie brushed ft tear from tab weath
er beaten eye.
"My boy," ho murmured, "they didn't
know you; they didn't know you."?De
troit Free Pim
Modem Greatness.
First Boy?Pm writin a composition,
and 1 can't think of what the teacher
read the other day, It began. "Borne men
la born great"
Second Boy?1 remember, "8ome is
born great, and tome achieve greatness,
and?and"
First Boy?Oh, yea, 1 remember now.
"And some gets enred of long standin
diseases."?Good News.
Possibilities la the Case.
. "If Tor kins pays me what he owea
me, 1 shall go on the continent this sum
mer."
'"And if TorUns doesn't pay yon what
he owes your
"Woll, It will probably be Torkina
that will go on the continent."?Tit
Bite.
Didn't Uks it.
"Your honor," pleaded theoondemned
man, "will yon put my execution for |
Saturday Instead of Fridayr ,
"Because Friday is such an nnlucky I
day."?Tit-Blta.
roT?rty ExpoMd.
Little Dot?I guess Mr. Nexdoor la |
awful poor.
Mamma?Why bo? .
Littlo Dot?Mri, Nexdoor told her lit- |
tie girl that candy would spoil her teeth.
?Good News.
Appropriate.
She?I wonder why they call .the* '
ttngel sleeves?
He?What else could they be called
when you wear them. ? Indianapolis
Journal.
??WW.VV IV A/vpunj
tons, Constable's Sale, Notice to
Trespassers, can be accommo
dated at the Tei.eqkam office.
Our Blank Deeds are on Triple
Extra White Bond. Paper. Try
them and vou will use no otliars
OI'CLABKflBUKG. ,
Main Street, near Ckrart House. 1
Qtnui. ;....;..?M,ooo
T. Moons Jackson President
Da. Fijocho HowxLn.. .Vioe-Presidenl
DIRECTORS:
Db.Fl*ki?o Howkzj* Wit. Hood.
T. Moons Jackbon. J. a'Bauds,
W.B.MAXWK*.
Doea a General Banking Business.
88-tf. a 8PBIGG SANDS. Cashier. |
DISCOUNT DA)
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OFFiCi
R. T. LOWNDES...
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When you want
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CLARK8BUR0
TELEGRAM
COMPANY
Good Stock,
axes.
Locate*! on Pike Street.
Charge* Reasonable. ! ' "lieiMlqunrlerii for llor??-1
? ? . . ;
M SuHsflKP^ -
Alio Ageote for Recbm Binder*, Hay Bkkw and the world renowned
MIOKMOWEB, theKingjoMtwOu^'
Turnbull and Jaokaon Jtottl Wagona. ? ?
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