The Clarksburg telegram. [volume], August 25, 1893, Page 8, Image 8

About The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926

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OTOT mmn tr mil cokfidiotmu
J?pt&lti5l5,rtjftttifS5?**' aN?*
t; i ?. r. mthi rncnri num. cima ig.
'? COMPOUND.
iuid drngginto
indignantly!?Detroit VreaFna.
* ? v\ M'*-*}'&
la Chisago.
A Chicago man who bad boon
pointed reoelver want to a lawyer and
aikedi
"Out of 190,000 pawing through hla
hands how much ought a receiver to
profit?"
"Well, about $19,000," waa the reply.
B"Only 119,000," be exclaimed; "whole
to get the other thousand, I'd Ilka to
knowT?Te?a? Hlftlngs.
Out Thing* MlteU.
Mr. Suburb?Well, how are you get
ting along with my artesian well?
Contractor (despondently)?We are
down five hundred feet and haven't
struck rock yet.
Mr. Suburb?Bock? Good lands!
You're got things mixed. I told you to
bore for water, man?water! I don't
want a stono quarry.?N. Y. Weekly.
. To Live an Ola Man.
"I understand young Briefless is
I about to marry the daughter of old
Bonds, the millionaire."
"Yes, so I am told."
"Will he give up tho law business?"
"Yes; he will give up the law busi
ness and go Into the son-in-law busi
ness."?Texas Sittings.
Wtom the; (toman*;; -
Rich Aunt?Why do you bring ma
this grass, Tommy?
| Tommy?Because 1 want you to bite
it.
"Why do you want me to bite it?"
"Because 1 heard pa say that when >
I you bite the graas we will get forty |
I thousand dollars."
Needsd It Badly.
Mr. Dnmsio?Doctor, I want a little
dose of nerve tonic, If you have some
thing handy.
Dr. Bismuth?Thcro you are; nothing
serious tho trouble, I hope?
Mr. Damslo?Oh, no! just a bracer; I
called to ask the amount of your bill?
Puclti . ? 1 .
A Dumb Boy.
Little Johnny ? That new 1x>y In
! school is awful dumb.
Mother?Doesn't be know his lessons?
Little Johnny ? Huh! There waa
twenty words In the spellin' lesson to
day, and he missed every ono of them.
I only missed nineteen.?Good Mews.,
THE POWER OF THE AIR. *
Ka*TZJ of tho Atmosphere Amounting to
Millions of Ullllons or Poot-Tons.
The magnitude of the store of aerial
energy, writes XL H. Thurston in a
paper on "Modern Uses of tho Wind
mill," appearing In the Engineering
Magazine, upon which mankind i
thta eilrth^is'beyond thc? rl^hoi
Imagination to conceive, but not beyond
the power of the Computation of the
mathematician. Taking tho quantities
roughly and In "round nhmbem" the
atmosphere .weighs about i'ton to every
square foot of tho earth's surface; 35,-';
000,000 tons per souaro mile, or 5,000.
000,000,000,000 ion the total of 200,000,000
square miles. Its energy Is that due to
the motion of this Inconceivable mass,
at velocities varying all the way from
tho gentlest icphyr to the hurricane
and the cyclone, rushing over the
prulrieior along the surface of the sea
at mm than 100 miles an hour. A
cubic milo of air weighs about 10,000,
000,000 pounds, and, at the rate of mo
tion of the cyclone, develops 4,000.000,
000.000 "foot-tons" of onergy, and. If all
employed at this rate for tho perform
ance of work, useful or obstructive,
this 8.000.000,000.000,000 "foot-pounds"
would be equivalent to more than
2,000,000,000,000,000 horse-power. If tho
disturbance reaches the exterior of tho
atmospheric shell. Inclosing tho earth.
It embodies 10.000,000,000,000,000 lmrsc
power, or millions of times as inuch as
the highest estimates make tho proba
ble whole cleum power of the world at
the end of the nineteenth century.
, Assuming tho moderate velocity of
10.7 miles an hour for tho whole atmos
phere of tho globe. Its energy per
milo is onc-Lhirty-slxth of that jnst
computed, and 3,000,030,000,000,000 tons
of atmosphere would represent- about
50.000,000,000.000.000 foot-tons of energy
and not. far from 50,030,000,000,000
horse power; certainly more than a
half million times as much power as
have all the engines la the world com
bined KiU'ii cubic mile would store
40,000,000,000 horse-power: and every
square mile, could 100 feet of its super
incumbent atmosphere be utilised,
would yield about 30,000,000 horso-pow
er, which is not far from the aggregate
of the existing steam power of tho
world.
i m ?
I gave a bottle of Chamberlain's Colic,
Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy to a
family of ten persona and it cured them
all. rhev sav it is a good medioino. A.
1. Derr. Cowan's Ford, Meclenberg Co.,
Jf. C. For sale by H. L. Wells, drug
gist *
West Mllford
to their home, ana thai*
a table with a'sheet*
corpse of tha poor father,
money and left the home
thought when I reachedi
I had not given them en
mounted 'the three fligh
knocked at the door, ami
frther opened itr-Ute.
. MUBWBUU VIU VUIW
and I think you ought 1
neral.
Wife?rdllke toknov
Husband?For the pa
been eating the lunches
fnr m o __T i Pa
Western Man?We had a terrible con
flagration in Dugout Citylast .week.
Only 1? houses left standing.
Eastern Man?My * goodieesl igHow
Western Man?Nineteen.?N^JSTork
Weekly. ?' ? f;
Expressing Himself:. -
Junior Partner^?While I was taking
down that buyer's order this morning ]
told him one of your funny storiei.' .
Senior Partner?Ha, ha! Did helaughl
Junior Partner?No. He counter
manded the order.?Clothier aift.E'ur
A Discouraging Proviso. .
Gus de Smith?Well, Tom, I hear ycro
eloped with a rich girl. Was it a suc
cess?
Tom Fowscads?Not altogether, ; Her
father telegraphed that he will forgive
us it we don't come back.?Texas Sitt
ings.
| A Great Benefit. vV;
Mrs. Harris (newspaper in hand)?A
movement is on foot to make medicine
cheaper. "-'iMh'.
Harris?Good! That will brinjf.slck
ness within reach of all.?Tit-Bits.'
Anticipated Him.
Haverly?Hullo, Austen, Tm glad 1
met you. I have jUBt returned from the
World's fair.
Austen?I am sorry, old man^ but 1
haven't a cent.?Life. -
A Precious Souvenir. *j
A?That lock of hair under the glass
lade is, 1 presume, a precious souvenir;
B. (perfectly bald)-Certalnly. It is
HA nf mv nnm vnn Tk
"Qui yon doubt meT she asked hi
set reproach. "When yon cam# to
a and told me yon had caught 47 brook
cat, each of a welghtof one pound and
pward, I believed yon. Why., then,
culdyou question me now?"
Supported by her love he laughed the
porld to scorn.?Detroit Tribune.
^ '
M0 / What ? Sweet Mammj!
When Fred Funston went on the
f**?4th vall"y expedition two or three
an ago, two of his university gtrl
iriends were talking about him. ''Where
i imd what is Death valley?" queried one.
'? "Why, it is away out west in the moun
tains, and is a horrid hot plnce Vhere
! people just wither up intp mummies,"
?is the reply. "How perfectly awfull"
bonded ? her friend. And then, with
wne of enthusiasm' in her voice, she
ided, "Bnt what a dear, sweet little
Tjnmy, Fred would maker?Iola Beg
An Abrupt Ending.
Guide?In this castle, gentlemen, lived
tiie Knight Dagobert and his beauti
wife. The knight's prowess was
ell?
ourists?Oh, do spare us a long
ided story. Tell ns the conclusion.
Guide?All right Here is the con
tusion: Aid now, gentlemen, aa I have
yon snch a thrilling tale, I hope yon
give me a trifle with which to drink
What It Wm.
Gwendolen, another Boston maiden of
7 who hat never been on a farm in her
5 fife, has gone at last this summer to visit
erne country relatives.
The other day while she and the fam
ily were at dinner a pet lamb approached
the open door and baa-ed loudly and re
peatedly.
r. "Mmmt," exclaimed Gwendolen,
"who's that hollering 'rags, rags,' out
there?'?Boston Transcript
e doesn't even fill his own
.teeth, and a fellah who hasn't that much
confidence in himself I'm afwaid to
. twnst, dont yon see?"?Brooklyn Life.
? ' ? "Hallos Bar While the Son Shlnw."
m
V.
?Life.
Deceitful.
Dodd?Ton can't always judge a man
by his looks. For instance, take Whis
kerly.
Todd?He's shabby enough.
Dodd?I know it But I succeeded Is
borrowing (S from him. yesterday.?
Clothier and Furnisher.
At the Seaside.
Mr. Shabby Genteel?I desire to put
up at this hotel.
Clerk?Have you any baggage?
Mr. Shabby Genteel?No, sir.
Clerk?In that case the first thing yon
put up will be (10 in advance.?Texas
Sittings.
Much Better.
"How do you like your new lady help,
Mrs. Todgers?"
- "I should like her a good deal more,
Mrs. Bodgers, if she was a little less the
lady and a little more of a help."?Tit
Bits;
A Strain on Patriotism.
Home Comer?What has become of
the Hon. Mr. Silvertongue, the great
American patriot?
Host?Oh, he got rich and bought a
castle in Europe.?New York Weekly.
The Changes ot Time.
Maiden?When Frank first metme and
I lived in a brownstone house, he was
very devoted. But now how different!
Friend?It seems to have been a case
of love at first site.?Exchange.
One Kind*
The Impecunious Suitor?Do you be
lieve in love in a cottage?
The Wealthy Widow?Yea, if it's a
$100,000 one at Newport or Lenox.?
Vogue.
It Silenced Him.
Mr. Sappy?There's nothing like say
ing the right thing at the right time.
She?Yes; there's keeping your month
shut when yon have nothing to say.?
Truth. ?
Repairs Would Be Waited.
"Say, mister, don't yon want your
front gate fixed?"
"What's the matter withitJ" asked the
Georgetown man.
"It sags like everythingi"
"It .does sag a little bit Bnt there's
no use of fixing it now."
"Why?"
"Because," and helooked thoughtfully
up at the big shade tree, "I have three
daughters all over 17 years old, and the
engagement season is just opening."
The Thleoba3&'8 circulation during
A single mahogany tree in Honduras
was recently cut into boards, which,
when sold in tho. European market,
realized over ten thousand'doUars. ,
There are said to he three countries
in Africa in which tho liquor traffic has
been practically annihilated. These are
Orange Free State, tho British territory,
in Bassuto Limdr-and the government
of Sir Marshall Clarke, and the North
Bechuanaland, under Khama, the native
Christian king.
Tub city of Bio Janeiro has tried Bel
lamy's scheme in its application to the
control and sale of fresh meats to the
inhabitants. With no appreciable Im
provement In the quality and no reduc
tion in the prices the total cost to the
consumers of meats' has been increased
by $050,000 in six months.
H. : !
? THEXLEVELANDS. ,
Mr. Cleveland's device of receiving I
his mall at a place remote from hli
idence Is an old device of public
overrun with correspondence. I
pean potentates resort to many si '
lr? /, . ?_ il:
morocco-bound copy, and it Is'nnder
stood he trill use the same one in the |
approaching ceremony.
Mb. Cleveland's check for twelve
cents has been received by a Baltimore
Importer In payment of the duty on a
pair of foreign gloves recently received
from abroad for. the president-elect.
The importer intends to retain the doc
ument as a souvenir Instead of "??hW
A SMART MAN
Will not hobble around on crntohes
when he can cure his Rheumatism with
one bottle of Dr. Drammond's Light
ning Remedy, costing only 96, but
worth $100. Enterprising Druggists
keep it, or it will be sent to any address
on reoeipt of prioe, by the Drammond
Medicine Co., 48-SO Maiden Lane, New
York. Agents wanted. 28U
It don't pay to use cheap ferti
lizers, the best is always the
cheapest Try Baugh's pure
bone meal and Double Eagle
Phosphate, for sale by R. T.
Lowndes. 39tf
A Specific
For Headache, Neuralgia and Bhema<
tism. Thirty-two doses for Fifty
cents. Putupby
R. J. Grass, Druggist,
t-28.J Clarksburg, w. Va.
Bull poller fill
Clarksburg, W- V&.
We have recently refitted oui
Mill and ^ut^in the full rollei
of flour made by us equaHo any
manufactured in the Slate, or
brought here from adjoinjng
States.
Bolted Corn Meal,
Choice Seed Oats, '
Com and Oats Chop
'1
Custom Grist Work
A specialty. Satisfaction
i I
HHP P ^$$^$?1
Highest market price paidfo? :
guaranteed.
_ ii Bp
COiEBIfcT, OATS.
We are baying wheat aad payint
the higheit ouh-prioe,'
V ? ? ' ?' ".V*; ? !.'??.VA.;;*/
LOWNDEB & CHORPKNINQ Co. .
. ? ? v 'v.. m* ?f ? m M
gfigg
\ > |f;~~'-a A A-C.
- % SOS'ltW
<5?73S
, < 13?S
Fresh fish ob
Poultry Vooj
Your patron
Kite Street, |
solicited.
No. 671, ParkersbS^pS
7:56'a. m.; No. 647, Ai
8:12 p. m.' . Vjfi!
' GOING EA?
No. 602, New York Exj;
No. 646, Grafton Aocomn
a. m.; No. 672, Grsfto:
tion. 6:24 p. m. ; No. 604,
press, 7:02 p: m.' -:
I Chas. O. Scull, Geu.
Ba
I J. T. Odbld, Gen'l Ms
I O. A. Am
Olaika