Martinsburg independent. [volume], June 19, 1886, Image 2

About Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900

Image provided by: West Virginia University

                
-MARTINSBURG INDEPENDENT
Saturilay. Jane 10,1880.
IIitmeroiiH.
“Pat, can j-on explain to me what
is a bull?’ ‘Tlirue for you, sorr. It’s
mesilf that can enlighten yez on the
subject. Now, supposin there were
twelve cows lyin’ down in a meadow,
an’ wan of them was shtandin up—
that ’ud be a bull.’
‘Will you carve V asked the land
lady of young Shawbones, who is in
college.
‘Certainly; where’s the body?—I
mean bring on the meat,’ correcting
himself as best be could.
Teacher—‘What is the difference
between the body and the soul?’
Johnny (vacantly)—‘The body is
mortal and material; the soul—’
Teacher (impatiently)—‘Yes; and the
soul ?’ Johnny— The soul is iminor
tal and immaterial.’
A little black boy stood with his
small sister at the edge ot a water
ier pond in Florida. ‘Ephium,’ said
the girl, ‘what rPM s9 many cat
tails grow in dis henli pon?’ ‘Doan
you know ?’inquired Ephium; ‘why
dey grow up from kittens peo
ple hez drowned in ^<e pon’, of course.,
Prof. Willis, the physiognomist,
pavs: ‘Beware of the girl that has
black eyes, shun the girl with blue,
and run from the girl with gray eyes.’
This practically restricts the choice
of the foolish young man to the Cir
cassian girl with pink eyes, who is
not warranted genuine outside of the
dime museum.
A young married couple who had
lived very happily together for four
years have two children, whom they
have named ‘Alpha’ and ‘Omega.’ (
Judging from the name they have
given the last one, we are led to be
lieve they meditate dissolution of co
partnership.
‘It is a curious custom the Japan
ese have, my dear,’ remarked a hus
band, ‘of taking their shoes off when
entering the house.’ ‘The custom is
curious,’ replied the lady, ‘from the
fact that it is practical at all hours
instead of at night only;’ and the
husband said, ‘Yes,’ with a rising in
jection, which was about all he could
say.
‘What did you ring that bell for,
Dan V asked the President. ‘Oh, I
was only going to send down for a
little hot water and sugai.’ The
President's lace grew sad as he ob
served, sighing : ‘I don’t believe,
Dan, that you will ever learn that
this is an ago of Jeffersonian simplic
ity.’
■*¥011 ought to have your baby
baptized, ltastus,’ said a member of
the church to a colored father. ‘Yes,
sail; but 1 can’t afford de cost.’ ‘It
doesn’t cost anything.’ ‘I know it
doesn’t cost nothin’ to’ de mere act
of baptism, sail, but you see I owe
de minister two dollars for perfo’min
de weddin’ cer’mony a yeah ago, an’
he raought object, sail, to baptizin’
a baby dat hadn’t been paid fo’.’
‘My husband is so poetic,’ said one
lad}' to another in a Seventh street
car the other day. ‘Have you ever
tried rubbin’ his j’ints with harts
horn liniment, mum?’ interrupted a
beefy looking woman, whooverheard
the remark. ‘That’ll straighten him
out as quick as anything I know of,
if he hasn’t got it too bad.’
Customer—Mr. Schidelheimer, it
seems to me that your ten-cent loaves
are not proportionately larger than
your tive-cent loaves, certainly not
twice as large. Schidelheimer—Dot
vas so. I vas told dot myself already
pefore, und I fixes dot. To-morrow
I vill make dose five-cent loafs much
smaller.
Patient to physician—Soyou think
that I’ll recover. Physician—Yes,
but you must never again submit
yourself to any mental strain. Pa
tient—Put I must make my living.
What would you advise me to do?
Physician — Oh, something easy,
something that neither requires data
nor recollection. Write war articles
for the magazines.
Justice—Madam, what have you
against this man ? Complainant—
Well, sir, he tore my dress half off.
Justice—How did he do it, madam?
Complainant—Stepped ou my trail,
sir, and-Justice—Madam, that
is impossible. This, man is a city
detective. He nevergot on anybody’s
trail in his life. The prisoner is dis
missed.
THE EQUITABLE LITE ASSOCIATION,
OF WEST VIRGINIA.
FRLVCII'AIi OFFICE, MartinaborR.
Corner Martin A Queen Street*.
j. Nklson Wisnkk, I’res’t. s. I,. !)onr>, Secr’y. J. X. Thatcher, Trcan'r.
John Fit/, Vlee-Pres’t. 8. N. My Kit 8, Mod. Exnrn'r, R. Jl, Whitlock. Gen, Agent
-o o
H#9 the ability to pay maximum claims.
Plan of Insurance.
1. ON TINE E NDOWMENT. —Policy matures in lOor 15 years, as th« applicant may
elect, or at death if prior. On this plan you “live to win,”
2, ' RD1NARY 1,1 FE—At very low rates. Policy natures at death .
Reserve Funds a cumulated on both plans and improved at4j percent net, being invest*
, ed in solvent securities.
For terms to Agents, Tabulated Explanation, Circulars, etc., address
K. II. WHITLOCK,
aug.29,’85 General Agent.
Martinsburg, W. Va.
Irj ii7 ri
_ __ ... ,lU
Coin Planter, with Fertilizer Attachment,
is pronounced by thousands of farmers, who are using them, to be the best now in use.
Every farmer without one, should purchase one. They sell on their merits.
OlIIl CORN FERTILIZER will also give entire satisfaction. TRY IT.
Brown fVttfjons,
Roots, Bnrshear, Single and Double Shovel Plows.
Bissell’s Chilled and Rough and Ready Plows,
With all the Latest Improved
Far mi ny Imp I em e n t*
And Machinery.
PURE FINE GROUND l/ME PLASTER
J N. THATCHER,
West Martin Street. Marlinsbtirg, W. /
COLUMBUS BU6GY C0MPANY,
COLTTjMIBTTS, OHIO.
Manufacturers of Strictly
FIEST-CLASS BUGGIES,
PHOTONS, SURREYS,
AND CARRIAGES,
( AN EXACT VIEW OF OUR. FACTORY).
The Justly CELEBRATED BREWSTER Cross-Spring
SIDE-BAR we make our Great Specialty. Wo build Only One
Grade of work, and that of THE BEST in Quality and
Style. Wo do not make the Lowest-Priced Vehicles, but claim
that ours are the CHEAPEST IN THE WORLD, when
Quality is Considered. We use the FINEST MATE
RIAL obtainable, employ only EXPERT and COMPETENT
MECHANICS, and from time to lime adopt all really Valu
able Improvements that offer, and endeavor to conform to the
Latest Styles. To insure the best and most uniform results,
We Now Manufacture Our Own Wheels from Finest
Timber (sawed by our own mills) that, can bo obtained from the
hills of Southern Ohio—famous as the Second Growth Hickory
District. Wo have the LARGEST and MOST COMPLETE
FACTORY in the WORLD for the manufacture of Light Vehicles.
-- -=■ OTTR, "'=-*
Mies, Machinery and Capital Are Unsurpassed,
Which enables us to furnish the Best and Finest Vehicles
at prices within the reach of all.
Tin Rfiptatini nf tin ColIisBnm Co. is UixcnlM!;
Bo sure and examine the name plate and see that COLUMBUS
BUGGY CO. ia thereon, for, many unprincipled parties are'Offering
inferior buggies, claiming them to be “COLUMBUS BUGGILS,
thus imposing on the public and us. The superior reputation of ,
our vehicles makes such imposition possible and profitable.
Address us for Catalogue and Prices, and we will send name of nearest Dealer.
COLUMBUS BUGGY COMPANY.
{June P.5 '8
THE
EMINGTON
Sewing Machine,;
USB THE
EMINGTON RIFLE,
UNEXCELLED BY ANY.
Sure to Give Satisfaction.
—
General Office, Ilion, N. Y.
New York Office, 283 Broadway.
—
Buying Agents Wanted,
I
Nov, 15, 1834,
A. QUINZEL,
BAKER A CONFECTIONER
QUEEN STREET,
Next to Wisner s’s Grocery Store
lOE-OIRylELk. ~m:,
SODA WATER, CAKES AND
FRESH BREAD
always on hand
Wiil deliver Fresh Bread tnd
Cakes every afternoon.
fc*. All orders loft at the Store
promptly f 'led.
April i —1 v
-A-' 3VE- GrJlUj-hjJ±! -b'L'X1.
DRUGGIST AND APOTHECARY.
CORNER QUEEN & RACE STS,,
Martin'sbukg, AV. Va.
Dealer in pure drugs,
MEDICINES, CHEMICALS,
PATENT MEDICINES, DYE STUFFS,
A fine line of COMBS; HAIR, CLOTH,
TOOTH and NAIL BRUSHES,
TOILET POWDERS, CHAMOIS SKINS,
SHOULDER BRACES, FINE SOAPS,
FINE PERFUMERY,
GERMAN COLOGNE^,
All of which we sell at lowest prices.
GILBERT’S SELECT FRUIT* FLAVORS,
GILBERT’S 1NSEOT POWDERS.
Physicians’ Prescriptions neatly and
accurately prepared at all hours,
my ftth ly A M. GILBERT.
rp HE PLACE TO PURCHASE
first quality of Orocen*h, A.c, at owent figures i«ft
tbe store of
JAMES M. HOMRICH,
Queen Street, one doer north of American Bonn
MARTINSBURG, WEST VIRGINIA
—HX8 STOCK OF—
GROCERIES, QUEENSWAUK
TOBACCO anti CIGARS,
—ALSO—
CONFECTIONERIES.CANDIES,
AND FRUITS
of all h I tsd» • an not T #*#><•♦«<1. H >► mm » » » f t 11 h
Teaw. MolAeeei*. At., c<o i i i* r tl • 1' m'HOMrVch'’''
iWumniAE-m
18B6.,l£mb
Will bo DiiimrllKK to oil appUonle, m l to eu.tomere ol
uat tow without ordering It. It oouthlu. about 110 phgo.,
000 lUu.tr.Oou., price., wccur.t. SMcriottoh.1‘g*’» Bl it
directions for d idUui *11 ririitlw of VEuETAIil.K
md rWttt SfcKUB, BULBS, ote. tantatUt
to >11, oepecUtly to Itwrkel Gwrdonere. Send for It.
D. M. FERRY * CO., Detroit, Mlchlga'
dec,19-26t
Important.
When you visi or leave New York City,
save baggage expressage and carriage hire
and stop at the Grand Dnionllotel, oppo
site Grand Central Depot. 'egaot rooms fit
ted up at a cost of one millio.. dollars, re
duced to $1 and upwards per day. E-ro
pcan plan. Eleva-tor. Restaurant supplied
with the best. Horse cars, stages and ele
vated railroad to nil depots Families can
live for less money at the Grand Union Ho’
tel than nt any other first-class hotel in the
city.
Try The I ndei’Endknt
One Year.
Carriage Manufactory,
No, 90 W. King St. Martinsburg, W, Va. j
I manufacture tbe Salladee Trip!* Spfllf Baggieg, aod a!! other style o Buu.
gifs, Jump Seats, Pheatona, Jaggers, Ac. AH work put up of the best materials'ind work
manship, and warranted. I sell no cheap Cincinnati Shoddy Work. Perstns d-sirin* to
purchase a buggy or carriage, will save money by getting a good article fVIl anl o- ,mit c
my work and prices.
BARGAINS FOB EVERY BODY
-0
The Old Reliable Furniture House.
King St. Hall—Public Square.
--o
THE LARGEST AND BEST SELECTED STOCK OF FURNITURE in Martinaburg^
both handmade and eastern Furniture, which will enable persons to select exactly what
they want. Having made arrangements with eastern firms which will enable me to sell!
cheaper than any other house in the city I defy competition.. Keep constantly on hand:
Marble-Top Chamber Suits,
Pi'1' Suits, Solid-Top Chamber Suits, Louuges, Sideboards, Bedsteads, Bureaus, |
i okcases, Wash stands, Tables, Desks, Rockers, Chairs, Marble-Top Tables, I
Mirrors, all styles; Woven Wire Mattresses i
—ALSO AGENT FOR THE ITHACA ORGAN CO —
Manufacturers of the best Organ made These organs have a reputation second to none 1
are made in the best and most durable style or workmanship; surpasses all others in sweet 1
ness of tone, and aresohl.at the lowest possible prices, 1
/ Keep a Number |
Constantly on band, and would sav to all in want of a good insh uajeu , call and exam |
ine the Ithaca Orgunt efoie you purchase. I atn sure you will buy no o’her.
Funerals Served at the shortest notice.
marl 1-1 y. A. KOGLESCHATZ, Martin;burg, W. V- I
TEC23 HOOSIBR I
Broadcast Hand Seed Sower, ?]
:POJR. SOWING I
HICK, FLAX, OATS, J
(illASS, SEED, Ac. |J
•-v.v’ i It tviil sow trom 4 to 8 acres per hour ut a 91
VN‘N«otmnon walking gait, and 27 to 48 feet at a vl
:.;';SS round. It ia the best machine ever invent- gl
:.'ed for the purpose, and should he in the *1
ip vv:J hands of every farmer. PRICK ONLY $5. ■
i 'Ask your dealer or it. Send for Circular. 1
MANUFACTURED BV I
The Goshen Sweeper & Wringer Co- I
o5 Cm Goshen, Inti. i
— Mfc m M'a ga THE FARM AND CARDEN
TT 9_~9 hR In H| Is a hanrtsomelv-prlntcd monthly paper, with
9 Ik bi & Mm ORIGINAL ILLUJTRATION*. and mthonirllko.scn
9 m H 99& HI sible, un<l ACCUKATK rural journal.
■ ■ ■ ■ interesting correspondence
valunble lnforinnlinii from every State In
the Union, but uu iioum*ii»«? or ■lO|9B >uMB> It
__ _____ _____ is nn nuthorityon FRUITS aiul VEGETABLES. Con*
wmm ■MBAHH BUB tains the HKST Poultry pn«e» tor those who
m Bl rjj jH ruin© Phlckeii»_
II ■■ ■■ ■■ K frVBW'
^^LAH H |B ^ M surprise. In
■ ■ 999 ■terest,
_ __ please
■MNBI^^nHBlyuu. i
^ of every j
ten trial subscribers become permanent renders,
and use their Influence to fiend more names, r-xperi
^yeu??o^^V,.UBEbM^^u^v^
the paper. 3 MONTHS TRIAL IOC.
trial for three months. Please accept this trial offer at once,
If only to satisfy curiosity, and you will certainly be agreeably ;
▲ddrSisBtouce FARM AND GARDEN, »«>"• Ktojfcutth —_
n ■ B a so, I'm Just Going Down to the Gate.
A IK Handful of Karth. Wait ’till the
19a BB UBIUIHI Ak Clouds Roll By. rn Meet Her
91 1 IB ■ LI B BA BB When the Hun Goes Down. A Knot
^9 ^9 I w I V BM n I B „f Biue and Gray. Mary s Gone
^9 MliisHHMBOnd With a Coon, Sweet \ inlets.
9 Bridget Donaghue. l.lttle Wife,
^■^9 ^9 _ _ - - Q m, JK. Nellie. Bold Melntires Only a
99 ■ D AI I A IK ear.'tearta.'je* *ss
III PflLLAUO
^^^^9 H mBBBNKENHBENI Ian's Bold. W
by the River, You and L You W 111
- - —_-p--B* —#"'■■■ (C Miss Me When I’m Gone. Old, ami
• InlLjir JL 5ZP« Only 111 the Way. Oh. Dem Golden
^.TT n„w to Hee Tier Face Again.' I've Only Iteen Down to the Club. Nelly Gray. A on
»me g£fSS 5uVr«n <SK,¥«
Take" You Home n^. K*tW^n OM-Itahtoned HotoesUstd. StSfalLSiS MoJfSSSSSf
Garden Wall. A Flower tommy.Angel. Mother etnwe. £ J^,leforo Ph. Spanish Cavalier,
we Were Poor. Give *“ 1*3*“L“5 AnSTmYoc*. Barnev McCoy. Butcher Boy.
Mountain K«.n*’,.j£.t£2,{?,loa£~ef; Evelina * Forgive and Forget. All the Troubles You Have
£ffir' Tb ^t^k U prmted'on hpaper »am"*sl,e asB sheet music. Order a cony now. Addrem <
AMERICAN PUBLISHING CO.. 17 North Tenth St.. Philadelphia. Penn’a
Only $900 Required for a Complete/
CORN
! I JSl >•'/ mill *
■m II ; outfit
1 ..r/MM = lug 1 barrel Flour J
t „ j P -1 , , and IS lmsbela of
A—V-? I ’I II -- corn Moal per
,_J hour. Will more than pay for itself every year. Address plainly, ».
I The 7H0S. BRADFORD CO., P. 0. Box 506, CINCINNATI OHIO.
25,27, 29, 31 and 33 I.ocU street. uear Highland House Inclined Hane.
i.ov 7 r
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