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€l)e ^Democrat BEQN80H & CA&R, Publishers. MANCHESTER, I I IOWA There was a dress before there was a loom or a fashion-plate. When It conies to modifying election results at times the back counties are anything but back numbers. Do not jump at conclusions. When a man flatteringly says that you look like ready money he may mean 30 cents. ri lie editor of an Eastern paper has discovered that Dewey turned around Is Wed." We fancy wo see the editor turning Dewey around. The trouble with that Chicago man who accumulated forty-two wives was Ills failure to Interlard Ills marriages liberally with Chicago divorces. Evil wins now ami then, not because It Is stronger than good, but because good does not realize its oivn strength, and does not use it to the best advan tage. Si One how York railroad wants to abolish sleeping and dining car tips, but so far as the result is In the hands of the waiters and porters they may be expected to hold out to the end. A California minister has denounced kissing games at church socials. Tills, however, is not given as the reason for the removal of the author of "The Man with the Hoe" from California to Brooklyn. Isn't It about time that something were done to make It difficult to obtain carbolic acid? It can be had for.tho simple asking in almost any drug store, and thus an easy way of "shuffling oil this mortal coll' Is practically placed within reacb^of those who are weary of life. 1 here would be fewer suicides If carbolic acid were difficult to obtain. There are few more successful meth ods of duping people, in their desire for wealth, than for some impecunious trickster to tell them he has a "sure thing1' by means of which they can speedily get rich. They never stop to ask why he docs not make himself rich, although the precept, "Phvsician, heal thyself!' Is so old aud hackneyed. "We do not suppose," remarks a critic of lighting, "the majority of us have any overmastering desire for the tierce delights of personal combat." 'i lie black eyes and bloody noses of our youth remain as a vivid memorv. Man, when he is grown, prefers the lighting at long range, which Is one of the re sults of Invention and the higher civili sation. He can got all the fun out of it that Is in It that way- A recent expose of the brutal treat ment of privates in the army of Prance by their officers gives new emphasis to the danger of arbitrary power. It is also reported that in Austria the cus tom of boxing the cars of soldiers and recruits has been so common and so violent that thousands of them have suffered such impairment of their hear ing as partly to unlit them for service The minister of war has recently Issued a prohibitory order. "One of the remarkable sights of the present day is that you don't see any bicycles," remarked a gentleman. "And still more remarkable," he continued, "Is the way American people take up a fad and run it Into the ground. Four years ago the bicycle was the craze before that It was tenuis: now It Is golf and the Lord only knows what It'll be next. But from a clothes standpoint golf Is the captain of 'em all. A man's golQug suit and his fixings make his blcyclo rig-out look like thirty cents, as the saying Is. Aud the women ain't far behind." A census 'family' means the number of people who are fed from the same pantry. A hotel, a boarding-school or a prison Is a family in the eye of the census. Domestic servants are always counted as a part of the household with which they are living. This use of the term makes the average size of the family in a town which happens to have a great Institution unusually large, but In the long run It works out about even, since actual families must be reduced In number bv so nuicli to supply the members of these Inordinate ly large families. Dame Fashion, who Is not only whimsical and eccentric but frequently very umvlsc, has made a departure in the matter of women's skirts that must be commended. By a recent irnde, ukase or decree the good dame has or dered that the skirls shall lack a cou ple of Inches of reaching the grouud Tbls is most sensible. There never was any reason why a woman's skirt should be so long as to touch the ground any more than there is for man's coat (ails touching the ground. A few skittish old maids may take a duck-lit when they imagine someone can see the Iocs of their shoes peeping out from under their draperies, but unless the foot is tantalizlngly small and poignantly well formed little attention is ordinarily given to it. Mr. Porter, the United States Ambas sador to France, has reported to the State department that the grave of John Paul Jones lias been discovered In Paris. If there Is no mistake In the Identification of the grave Congress bhould not hesitate to take prompt ac tion for rebuiial lu this country aud the erection of a fitting monument to the memory of the grent sea tighter, who was the llrst to make the Stars and Stripes respected 011 the seas. No naval hero has more worthily earned the gratitude of the American people than the lion-hearted sailor who fought the powerful Serapls and Its consorts witli that rotten old hulk, the Bonbomme Richard, which apparently was no bet ter titted for a fight than Kipling's old hulk of Bolivar Bay. Truth should be double edged, mid cut both ways. Now there's the bird question. Possibly the time may come when women will not allow them to be killed for their adornment nor will men kill them for the pleasure of killing something, says Beacon. I liave never been able to understand why it Is not as well to preach against the enormity of shooting birds for fun as for shool lng them to make women look prettier but I notice that the emphasis Is all placed on the latter. Probably the pigeon that is shot at in a shooting match does not enjoy it any more than the hummingbird which is killed out right for a woman hat. vet for one word that Is said against the former Instance tliero are hundreds said against the latter. I suppose It Is easier for a man to preach for his sister's benefit than to practice tor his own. PPSHSv •'ISBS1 But constant agitation may in time cure both evils and so educatc man that ho shall sec 110 pleasure I11 killing help less birds and animals without any purpose other than sport. A Newark (N, J.) court lias admin, istered a new and most effective cor^ rectlve for Juvenile crime. Five boys were caught stealing fruit from freight cars and arraigned before a police Jus tice. When proved guilty the justice sentenced them to twelve lashes with a policeman belt. It Is said the young culprits were perfectly satisfied with tills method of punishment and ngrced tlicy would behave themselves In fu ture, while other boys who have beeu In the liablt of misbehaving have sud denly manifested a violent and uncon trollable desire to reform their habits A thorough spanking by a vigorous po liceman is a much more salutary form of punishment for a young boy than sending him to an institution where he will learn more deviltry and practice It when he Is released. For extremely youthful persons bent upon going in the wrong direction there is nothing so certain to turn them into the right rond a spanking. It is much more effective than Incarceration cr milk-sop rem edies. A Chicago dentist aud inventor claims to have discovered a method by which the soft coal of the west can bo suc cessfully coked so that soft coal coke will be equal to hard coal coke for blasting and smelting purposes. In commenting upon tills discovery tlio Ottumwa, Iowa, Courier remarks that If the discovery Is practicable, the Iron Industry will witness a great changc, and the production of pig-iron in the Western States where soft coal Is plentiful will be vastly increased. Up to tills time the great Eastern Iron making centers have had an advantage over those of the West. Both have de pended almost entirely upon the Lake Superior mines for their ores, but the Eastern Iron furnaces are located so much nearer the great sources of the coke supply of the world that they have had a great advantage over the Western furnaces. If the Chicago man can do what lie promises, however, flic condi tions will be just reversed and the West will have the advantage over the East, ihe bituminous coke can be made for from to $2-50 per mil, while the anthracite coke costs $0 to fro.nfi. Pennsylvania is a great Iron manufacturing State al most solely because of the Tact that it is the gi(-.It anthracite coal center, and when this new coking process. is brought into use there is no reason why the West should not become a great iron manufacturing section. Last year the Western furnaces smelted but one fifth of the Iron ore taken from the great Iron mines In the Lake Superior legion, but now that they can produce their coke at home. Instead of shipping It all the way from Pennsylvania, they may be expected to tnke a largo share lu ah the industries to which Iron ore gives rise. MAN OF BLOOD AND IRON. Such Ih Gt-u. Itnllcr, lio Com mantis the llriliHli in South Africa, The commanding figure in South Af iica Is Gen. Sir Itcdvers Ilenry Buller, who holds the supreme command of the Biitish soldiers there. Gen. Buller has under him over 70.000 men—a force nearly four times greater than the pure ly English troops which Wellington commanded at Waterloo. Gen. Buller Is apparently fitted for the task entrusted to lilm. lie Is a man of blood aud Iron. Ills sword Is crimson to the lillt. Blood, battles, brigades, bombs, blockading, barracks, bivouacs, belligerency—all are synony mous with Buller. lie is entering npon his tenth campaign. In many more chin-res he has faced and dealt death Over and over again he has beeu "men tioned I11 dispatches for gallantry In action. Gen. Buller entered as ensign the Kings Royal Rille Corps. He took part Ol-.N. Sin 1IMVKI:S HKN'ltV IllTI.MCIt In the Chinese war of ]SCO- went to Manitoba in lfcro with Lord Wolselev against Riel, and three vears later to the gold coast. I11 the Ashanti cam paign ofelST,! Gen. Buller took part in four engagements, Including the decis ive battle of Oooniassie. After five years he was bad: again I11 ^11^ Africa, where, leading file tfrontlcr light horse against the Kaffirs, he exhibited great •personal bravery. He participated, dis tinguishing himself more than ever in the battlefield. In the Zulu war of 1870, and In flic Boer war that followed. He was present at Kassasin and Tel-el Kclm, at El rJ eb. and Tamal. and won the battle of Ahn-Klea. Gen. Buller is also known as Ihe au thor the Infantry Drill Book. He Is a man of enormous energy, and of a pe culiar cold daring, which springs from the head rather than (lie emotions rigid disciplinarian, stern and exact ing, he Is feared and respected. There is more cruelty than mercy in his com position. He personally dislikes the Boers and his campaign will lie one of sternness to the end. To plant the Brit ish flag over Pretoria within flic least possible time as a preparatory of paint ing another slice of South Africa an English red—such is his task and to that task he will apply himself with all determination 111 his nature he S ro ul So*r. The man who scorned the deadly mines ami his tleet nhcad, Who managed to arrive before the foe was out of bed, Is great, but would yon rather be the admiral to-day ihan the boy who can afford to give six million plunks away? O, the Kaiser on his gilded throne is quite a personage, And so is he who stands supreme upon the mimic stage. But would you rather be the knight or emperor, to-day, Than the boy who can afford to give six million plunks awayV .there's Chamberlain and bdison and Ivipbng with his pen. And ti'.-ry little l-unston aud the oilier famous men— ould you be one of those instead (if vou could choose, fo-iluv,) Or the bo.v who can afford to give six million pluuks nwuy, And has some mnetv millious left to keep htni feeling gny —Chicago Tiraett-Uerald, foiO HIS *s stor.v of bow Chicago II dealt with grade crossings, main 1y condensed from the Chronicle: Mfteen years ago Chicago was inter sected 111 every direction and at all pos sible angles with railroad tracks. Kv cry track was laid at the grade of the streets or alleys it crossed. Accidents —generally fatalities, lor grade cross lug accidents rarely stop short of the death of the victim—were ol dallv. al most hourly, occurrence. Chicago be gan to murmur and rebel against the grade crossing—It was determined to abolish them once for all. The railroad companies were willing to elvate or depress the numerous tracks, but wore not willing to under* go the hardship and expense of the im provement (»uards aud watchmen were maintained at ihe crossings, time tables were public property, and the roads ROW no reoson why they should be called upon to boar millions of dol lars extra expense to remedy the diiH culty. The grade status In Chicago to-day Is an excellent exemplar of what Chlca- ILLINOIS CKNT.'tAL AT fioTJI STREF.T. undertaking.. Hut In the end thev had this to do just the same. Mrst it was held by the lines that thev could uot be compelled to elevate their tracks or In any other manner alter the grades. This point was argued laboriously af ter months and even years of skillful research in the law books: it took the highest court In the Stale but a lew minutes to destrov the illusion. Jen years ago the question of elevat ing the tracks was a political Issue in tills city. Parties battled over the question, one side being Inclined to the belle! that the city lacked the power to force the reads to act aud the other certain the power existed, But by the beginning of 1800 it was 110 longer a dividing question. No candidate for Mayor could hope to win unless out spoken iu favor of sending up all the tracks and making the roads pay the bills. Jo-day no administration looks upon the question as anything more than a mere matter of detail. Ordin ances must be drawu and accepted by has been demonstrated daily ever since the first carload of material was dump ed In a right of way. Ihe roads did not den.v that if the thing could bo done it would be a valu able thing for both sides, but the roads also declined to consider the proposi tion in any guise. They had laid their tracks under charters and ordinances, had complied with the laws, aud uo bod.v or corporation could disturb their possession. They sometimes carried this contention to such an extent as to battle among themselves to prevent some rival line from crossing their rights of way. Work was done on Sunday and holidays to evade, if possi ble. the interference of police or sher iff. Hut these attempts were always met by a like determination, result ing finally in defeat or compromise. W tieo the roads lenrueri that the courts had held that the power lay in Ihe dly, under general regulations of police as well as under charter pro visions, to force changes of grade to meet modern necessities, tliey nsked who would pay for It. When told that the.v would be expected to do this a EKGLEWOOD AMU WKNTWOKTII AVENUES. goaus can do when they will it. Hun dreds of miles of tracks have beeu ele vated or depressed, hundreds of cross ings abolished, either subways or via ducts containing the offending tracks, and the roads have paid out nearly $17,000,000. The city has uot been at any expense at all in accomplishing this feat. Ninety per ceut. of the tracks no longer menace the public on foot or horseback or in carriages. Every spadeful of earth, every block ol ma soniy, every bolt in every piece of Iron provided for by ordinance has been put in place. Chicago wou the fight as she gener ally wins whatever she seeks. JJut It was a long, hotely contested and inter esting coutest just the same, for the big lines are no mean antagonists, and had many fairly sound arguments to advauce to show thev should not bear all the expense, interruption to traffic and worry Incidental to sucn a colossal new tight was commenced, for they at first absolutely refused to do any such thing. It was discovered to the deep disgust of the companies that they could be forced to alter any grade named and also be forced to foot the bill. Then the element of suggested compromise eutered into the controversy early in 1S00. Uhe companies began to spar for wind aud suggest that each side p:i.v half. Hut the city had won every round in court and was not inclined to help one little bit. he roads were successively notified to begiu the work. No exact plan was adopted, but pronies were furnished by the city engineer as a basis for the work, ihe roads might do It any way which seemed best to them, provided they did it. Hut with masterly inactivity they did nothing* Ihe city sent warning after warning and even threatened to begin the wrn itself. Then the last legal act of the fight was commenced Injunctions were applied for. These failed. Meanwhile the general managers had formed an association for mutual pro tection. his was held out to be an association to protect business, pre vent ratc-slasliiiig. aud by concert of action get all roads into hue on a gen eral policy. It was really designed to fight the elevation scheme. Hut even injunction-made laws failed them, for the courts held that the city had- the power to act. It looked along in the years just before the World's Kalr as If a direct conflict would take place be tween the city officers on one hand and voad employes on the other. hxpert engineers declared that It would cost as much or more to elevate or depress the tracks as it had cost In the original construction of the roads, lsond attorneys, using this as a basis, sugued that the hardship on the roads was so great that eveu conceding the power ol the cit.v to force action uo court would force such an extremity of hardship. The lawyers also argued that this expense, heav.v as it would be. would he but a trifle when compar ed with the loss entailed by the inter ruption of tralhc. he contention of the experts regarding the cost has been proved to be under rather than over the actual expenditure. It has cost the roads about $50,000 a mile to do the work. Hut the alleged loss due to in terrupted truffle has been proved to be but a dream. 'Ihe roads suffered incon venience. to be sure, but 110 line lost a pound of freight or a single passenger on this account. The tribunals also disappointed the legal lights by.calmly WEST LAKE A Mi UOCKWELL STUEETS. the roads and work done under them as regularly as streets are paved or cleaned—in fact, more regularly than can be said of the cleaning process. l.-ndcr the administration ol the elder Harrison a determined effort was made to get at the matter iu a busi ness-like manner, ihe roads at first merely laughed at. the idea as a vision ary plan utterly impossible of accom plishment. Jnc.v held that neither they nor the city could aflord the ex pense even if thev could stand the in terruption to their ordinary business while their trucks were being elevated. Jhu first objection raised was that the roads would practically be forced to suspend business while this work was going on. The Mayor thought dif ferently. but in conclusion said let them suspend then, for the lives and limbs ol the peopie were valuable be yond any mere financial computation. Hut it was also shown by engineering experts that the elevation could be ac complished without biibstantlal inter rupttyu to traiUe. a contention which saying the cltv would force the roads to do what was needed. Not an Inch of track has beeu estab lished according to the new grade without a persistent fight in which all the .skill, foresight aud acumen of the companies has been expeuded. The expense, as lias neon shown, has been enormous, even it no other cost had been involved than the tilling iu and letainliu: ot the roadbed within the limits pic.scrii.ied. Hut every step In the progression has been -fought over bit terly, entailing additional expense ou the roads. So far as the city is con cerned, the battle has been substantial ly without expense bevond that pro vided for In the ordinary administra tion of public affair*. -Ian. 1, 1SD2, not a mile of tiie hun 1 drods of tiacks in the eitv had been elevated. Probably somewhere near 2,000 crossings were in existence. In one year—last roar—nearly U00 cross 1 ings w*r« eliminated. This Is a mere I straw to show li'ow rapidly the tide set lu the other way when once the city got clown to business. With every crossiug on grade In the beginning of the Initial year of actual elevation, the year closed with some fiftv miles in the air and a large number of danger ous crossings, especially 011 the south side, no longer menaced the people. Seven years ago every train, freight or passenger, which eutered the city poked along slowly from the limits to the depots with very few exceptions Ordinances provided that only a cer tain speed should be maintained inside the city limits, that the peril to pedes trians or other citizens in the city might be reduced to a minimum. Some few express trains rushed along at a high rate of speed, but tliey were guarded at block intervals for six or bcven miles. Gates were dropped when the trains were half a mile dis tant, and the gongs rattleu Without ceasing until after the rushing express had passed. 3 here Is no diminution of this speed to-dav. It is rather Increas ed, for the trains can run at sixty miles an hour without running the slightest risk of killing a citizen at any grade crossing. With the World's Kalr coming on. one road saw the advantage of elevated tracks to hurry visitors down to the grouuds. By the time the ceremonies of dedication iu October. 1802. were all arranged for the IIUuols Central had elevated its tracus as far south as 03d street. Like all others, this road fought the whole thing bitterly, but. &ce1ng no escape, the road accepted the ordin ances passed to provide for the work on Its Hues. These ordinances Are real ly plans carefully prepared to obviate euglneeriug difficulties and enable the line to elevate or depress the tracks at the smallest estimated cost. The city pays nothing, but has enforced its de mands until few roads wish to make the fight any longer. This beginning inspired the people and authorities with reason to feel that the grade crossing would have to go. It also taught the railroad companies that all tliey could do would be to fight for time thev must all get in the band wagon in the end. So when the World's Pair Mayor was elected it was believed that considerable progress would be made. One thing had militated against progress, aud-tliat was that the city was trying to do too much at once. The city had been trying to battle the combined roads as a combination. Or dinances were being prepared which were blaukcts covering the entire sys tem In the city. These necossarlly fail ed from loo grent complication. In 1803 a change in plau was inaug urated. It was decided to go at the roads in detail, taking one or two at a time, drawing up ordinances 011 engi neering schemes agreed upon between the city engineer and the experts of the roads. All other roads would be left alone for the time being, the city deter- about a dozen miles to tno northeast of Sardinia. The total population of the whole republic does not OJffie$dD0, but lliey elect a President every six years, aud a Council of six members, all of whom serve the state without pay. Ihe women of this islaud go to the polls aud vote Willi the men, and ever since it became a republic, in 1880, all public business has been transacted without turmoil: the clcctious taklug place without any high party feeling or uudue excitement. In 1SJG kiug Charles Albert of Sar dinia granted the Island of Tavolara to a family of the name of Hnrtoleonl, but in less tliau half a century the Inhab* itants threw off the yoke of monarchy and took to themselves the right to lie governed by themselves. This little war did not alarm the world, and was quite a peaceful one. King Paul I. reigned until 1882. and on his deathbed request ed that uonc of his km should succccd to the throne, and as uo one claimed the honor four years later the people decided to draw up a constitution, and Tavolara has been a very successful little republic since. Twelve years ago Its independence wrn8 recognized by Italy, aud. it is to be presumed, other powers would have recognized it also if thev had known of Its existence. Ihe Inhabitants- live principally bv fisliincaud raising fruits and vegetables. rlhev SUBWAY, 55TH ST. HOUL. UNDER P., P. W- & C. HAILWAY- mlning to fight the enemy in detail In stead of In bulk. The result was at once apparent, for the roads were tangled up, and each had its own particular fight on its bauds. The Northwestern was the second to get to work, for In 1&93 plans were submitted for the ele vation of the Galena division, which, with some unimportant modifications, were decided upon as good working plans. FOLIAGE RECALLS BISMARCK. ISrunchca of Trees Spell Tannic of Ger man htatctsitmn. Germany man of blood aud iron Is still remembered iu the fatherland in many unique ways. Bismarck, it ap pears, has left bis Imprint upon Ger many to the extent of controlling the shape of Us apple trees. This Isn't the pleasantest thing in the world for young Kaiser Wilhelm to realize, par ticular^- when the knowledge Is forced upon him I11 so abrupt a uiauucr as It was the other day at Gelscuhelm. fl he Kaiser was journeying to Alsace. On the way he slopped at Mourepos. Gelsenheim, the greatest fruit nursery in Germany. The Emperor has rather a faucy for horticulture,.and. indeed, lucludcs it among his numberless spe cial hobbles. His host was Baron Vou Lade, proprietor ol the orchards. When the circuit of the orchards and gardens had been made Baron You Lade said? '•Now, I beg leave to show your maj esty the finest grown fruit tree in the world.' ihe Kaiser amiably couseut ed to look at the tree and found it an enormous growth traiued to grow In the outlines of the eight letters of Bis marck mime. This very Teutonic feat had been accomplished by planting four little trees close together and clip ping and training them coustauUy. fear no sudden invnsiou. for thev dispense with any army or nhvv. and. presumably, in case of need, would rely upon the entire population to uphold the freedom of the country. DIDN'T LIKE THE SMELL, He Suid, After Wowing Out the Gas mid Sleeping Thirty Hours* A verv "bra mou" is "Scottv Patter son, and he has beeu awuy from the •Tieebinds" but fourteen mouths. This in part accounts for his thoughtless act of Saturday night. Scotty works In the Scottcn stables, and takes his meals In Kurth Hotel. Ou Saturday night the Kurth mau of-all-work. who also comes from the land of golf and the "Honny Briar Bush," gathered In Scottv, nnd the two sat quite late over reminiscences and Scotch whisky. When It came time for Scotty to return to his room over the stables they found that the Scotch whis ky had quite paralyzed his power of locomotion, as well as his sense of direc tion. Scotty suggested that a vacant room in Kurth's Hotel might simplify matters, and as the hotel was just across the street, "Jalmle.-' the chore man. fell in with the suggestion. He pulled Scotty up the back stairs nnd locked him In. Then Scottv blew out the gas at the third lunge and jumped at the bed. Tills morning Mrs. Ivurlh found Scot ty's door locked, in fact she didn't know that Scotty was there at all. They looked over the transom and saw a pair of feet protruding from the foot of the bed, for Scotty had crawled under lt Ihe sniell of escaping gas was suffo cating, but they kicked in the door and pulled Scotty out. His chaperon had quite fo.gotlen his good Samaritan •work. Ihe dazed mau was set dowu in the yard, where he soou recovered lie had been in the room for over thirty hours, Inhnllug the poisonous fumes, and his "bra" constitution nud the two inches of opened transom are all that saved his life. Scotty said few things when they pulled him out at 10 o'clock this morn ing. One of his remarks was: Hoot, mon, but I diuna like the smeel over weel."—Detroit Journal. Iiow the Walls Han Down. The Irishman who went up in the hotel lift without knowing what It was did not recover easily from the sur prise. Ho relates the story in this way. *T wint to the hotel, and, says I, 'Is Misther Smith iu/' \es,' says the man with the sojer cap. Will yez step iu?' 'So I steps into the closet, aud all of a suddlnt lie pulls the rope, and—it's the truth I'se telliug yez—the walls of the buildlug beguu running dowu to the ccliur. 4 Next trf this prize tree was one which Huron Lade called the '"Bismarck cup It was Ingeniously trained to the form of a communion cup. These wonders did not Interest the Emperor as^Lhe Karon had anticipated. Indeed, the great man was obviously vexed. Then the Baron bethought himself. He turned to a tiny tree iu the adjoin ing garden. "But here, .vour majesty," he suld wlth unction. -Is a tree that will eclipse these and all others. I have called it Wilhelm der Grosse.' Your majesty can see that the letters are already partly formed." After which the Kaiser went 011 his way propitiated. SMALLEST REPUBLIC, Two and a Half fojuure MIIch, with a Population of sixty. The smallest republic In the world Is that of Tuvolara. an island about five iulles long, with an average width of a littlo more than hall' a mile, situated Och. murtber!' says I. 'what'll be come of Bridget aud (he children wblcb was left below there?' .' Says the sojer-cap man. 'J*e alsy, sorr they II be all right when yez comes down.' "Come dowu, is it?' says I. 'And It Is uo closet at all, but a haytUInlsh balloon that yez got me In!' And wld that the walls stood stock still, aud he opened the dooc- and there I was wld the roof just over my head! And, begorra. that's what saved me from goin' up to the hevlus lutire ly!'—Irish Independent. Adulterate It Themselves, A process has beeu invented and pat ented in Brazil for .preparing coffee In tabloids by a system of compression It is argued that not only will there be less expense In exporting coffee in this form, but that the customer will be more certain of thus receiving for his use the pure, unadulterated article "Your dog seems to follow you with out orders. Yes. be wouldn't take any orders from me. He's been in the family long enough to kuow the real boss."—Cleveland Plalu Dealer. An epigram is a lot"o£ words fitted together in such a peculiar manner that their lack of meauing is concealed by the brilliant effect produced- Mie—What the difference between a dimple aud a wrlnkle?,He—Ob. about thirty or forty years,—Town Topic*. ESTERHAZY OWES HIM SIO. Telegraph Oparjitor in New Orleans Buys French Officer "liia" Him "Count Estorlmzy, wLo figured so promiueutly In tin Dreyfus trial, has been lu New Orlenus several limes," saUI guest nt the Grunewnkl Hotel. 1 myself saw blm ou 011c of Ills visits, nud was present when lie (lid some cabling to I'l'itiicc. the cost of which, or lather portion of the fee. be de liberately defrauded the operator out of.- 11 happened thus: Esterliazy bad come lu town by one Of the roads from the north aud went to tbe boutberu Taclllc depot to board a train for the West. While waiting for his train he leuien^hmul that he had some cabling to do and walked over to the telegraph operator In tbe buildlug aud asked for a blank. Ihe operator gave II to hlui. and the Frenchman wiolc out quite lengthy coded cablegram and addressed it to a private party in Pmis. Ky this time there were only a few momcuts left for lilm to get uboard the train, nnd the operator bad to hurry lu looking up the rate. 'Jo arrive nt the exact Dgures necessitated some little caluculatlon, aud the operator, to expedite matters for the noble count, told him the rate nud nsked him to make the calculation, too. ills the I'TeiKlimnn. who was evi dently illicit at llgurcs. did, aud bad finished a moment before the operator called out his result, and nsked If that was what he made it. lOsierha/.y look ed straight at the operator a second, as though reading his very thoughts, nnd unhesitatingly replied: 'It Is cor rect.' "He paid the amount and hurried awnv. A few minutes Inter the opera tor discovered -that he bad been paid just $10 less than the correct amount be bnd made an error In his calcula tions, nud the count had taken advan tage of his error to save the money. The young mail immediately wired ahead of the train asking the conduc tor to see Estcrhazv. explain tbe cal culation. and request tile $10. Tbe con ductor compiled, but when be had ex plained to the noble traveler, the lat ter only shrugged Ills shoulders nnd re plied that it was uo concern of bis Aud tbe operator -made good the short age from his own salary. It was as clear a case of steal as ever heard of."—New Orleans TImcs-Dqinocrat binnrt, but Not Smart knoush. While the President was In Milwau kee. a few weeks ago, some young sters thought It would be a good idea to get excused from school (bat they might more thoroughly enter into tbe spirit of the day. But bow. to get the excuse signed.' A parent's signature was, of course, the proper thing, but both youngsters knew that iu tills par ticular case their parents were not to be relied oil. Suddenly one of them bad a bright Idea. Tliey would get Presi dent McKinle.v himself to sign the ex cuse. It would ho easy enough (o sim ply stay away from school on tbe day Itself, and with nil excuse for the pre vious absence signed by the Tresldent himself they need have 110 Tear of being kept In' nor punished in any way 011 file day following. One of tbe young sters accordingly pushed his way through the crowd to the Presidential stand, and. clambering without cere mony to the top, thrust a bit of scrib bled paper before anybody could stop blm Into the President hand nnd ask ed for a signature. It took Mr. Mc Klnley a second or two to comprehend the situation, but when lie did lie put Ills name to the slip without a word. Hie youngster slid down liappv. Next day at school the two truants presented their excuse. The teacher glanced at the autogniph. '-.McKlnley doesn't run this school," she observed, nnd hard heartedly kept them In just the same. —New lork Evonlng Sun. Alligator Riding. Jim Frazlor, of Florida, Is called "Wild Jim' because he Is the klug of alligator limitei's. "Wild Jim" hunts alligators In tbe Florida. Everglades. Ills specialty Is In furnishing bnby alli gators to tbe Northern trade, though be also catches adult alligators and sells their teeth and skins. It Is said that bo employs several bundled alli gator catchers, and has made a fortune out of Ids botel business. His favorite pastime Is to watch alli gators cat dogs aud cats that he lias thrown into the water to feed them During the winter be secures hundreds of worthless cms and screaming cats and In the spring lie drives the canines aud felines down to Ills alligntor ranch 111 the everglades, where lie amuses himself wltn alligator-back riding. He is an alligator charmer and tamer, and is the only 1111111 In Florida that would dare mount the back of an old alligator In the water. When lie wants to ride lie throws his alligntor muz/.le over the head of an alligator and Jumps 011 the niouster back. The alligator cannot reach tbe intrepid rider with Ills tall, nnd Ills mnuth Is muzzled Wild Jim's" wiry legs are entwined around the forelegs of tlio alligator, while the alligator dives and swim? and lashes Ills tail, trying to be free When Jim gets tired be makes the alli gators swim to tliu shore, whore he jumps off and dispatches It. O110 €11 Senator Depm. Nothing Is more Incomprehensible to European writers than the American custom of breaking eggs in a glass. Chauneey M. Depew likes to follow tbe American custom, and one day the waiter at the Hotel do Itussc. In Paris told him lie mustn't do It. There was a dispute, nud the head waiter was called. '-Theclasses cannot beproperly washed.-' It was explained. "Tliey are ruined." "Nonsense.-' said Mi*. Depew, "my servants at homo do it every day iu the yeni-. Iise a little more elbow grease." Then Mr. Depew broke his egg Into the glass, as usual, nnd the waiter watched lilm. When the glass was set aside lie came with a dustpan, cracked the glass 011 his boot heel nnd disap peared with the fragments. HMic charge for the glass was on Mr. Depew's bill, and be refused to pny it. He was too good a customer to make angry, so the botel people smiled. 'J hoy knew that Mrs. Depew was going to remain a week longer. A broken egg glass wns Ingeniously worked luto her bill, and she paid for It, butjlr. Depew didn't know It for many months afterward, when lie was telling the story as an Instance of Ills success lu counteracting the extortions of European hotel keep ers.—New England Home Mngazlnc. Wlggs—Why does lijoues have that phonograph going all the time? It's awful. Waggs—Well, you see his wife's away, find when lie litis the phonograph going lie says be doesn't miss lier so much.—Philadelphia Record. A man with but one idea is some times worse off than a man with no idea at all. What has become of the old-fash ioned wouian who admired her bus baud, aud called him Pa? •More men die of Idleness than PC hard waik, I.awver—Do yon swear the colli raised the entire car? Witness—V It raised everything but tbe windov Judge. Miss Dimple—Reggie, did you smell powder? Reginald—Oh, ot Miss Dimple—Mnnila or Onba? gv nald—Sacliet.—Ohio State Jounal. Cleverton—When you told her.father you loved her, did he sliow much feel ing? Dasliaway—Oh, yes I don't know, when I have been so moved!—Life. Parlte—Don't yon Hud It a great thlnic to have a telephone In your Jjousc? Lane—les. sir! My neighbors tell me they couldn't get along'without It Life. She—Is ho rich? He—No. She Some 011c told me he had more money than brains, no—He has, but he hasn't got much money at that.—YonUera Statcsmnn. Mr. Ncwlvwed—Whnt is this I am eating, dearest? Mrs. Newlywed—That .'s angel cake, darling. Mr. Kcwlyweil —II.il See mo make It fly!— Pbilttdc^ phlu Record. Twitter—I hear you bad a sneak tblefi nt your bouse last ulglit. Did a pretty fair job, didn't he? TrottOr-Well. yes. In fact, ho left nothing to be ddslrcd.— Town Topics. She—I trust, Jack, our marriage wIIB uot be against your father's will. Jack —I'm sure, I hope not It would 1m mlghtv hard for us If he should change it.—Brooklyn Life. "Prize lights are brutal." said Cur tlcks "as brutal as bull lights." "How about cock tights?" naked Crookey. "Oh. they are foul."—Philadelphia North-American. Mrs. Clancy—Me husband do be suf ferln' wld prostliratlon. Mrs. Casey Nervous prostitution? Mrs. Clancy— Not exactly. Ol prostUrnted him wld a flatlrou.—.New York journal. The Scoffer—What rlgbt have you to sign your name with an "A. M.,r! It? The Signer—As much right as an one. It means, lu my case, "nverag man."—Indianapolis Journal. Snnrley--They're a bad family. Th father plays the stock market and HI son the races. Yow—You'd think thoitf. were virtues If you heard the danghis*" play the piano.—Syracuse HeraJiL——' Attorney—W hen did your husband first show signs of Insanity, madamV Wife—The dnv he married me. 1 then discovered he was making only $10 a week.—Philadelphia North American. Lecturer—And what man Is-aiost apt to reach that elevation whence the earth may bo viewed "as ouo vast plain?" Voice (in the audience)—Tb« one that works In a powder-mill.—Life. ••Marriage." said the proverb quoter, "Is a lottery." "Y'es," answered tha Rultnn of Sulu as he sadly waved hi# hand toward the harem, "and there's a bunch of blanks."- \VashIngTon Star. "Have you asked a prosp shop. -Yes 111," "rPiUled "we have some nice pffuntHoaves that weigh, only ten ounces."—Chicuso News. 1 the harem, anu tuere ilanks."-.Washington Star, ii any u\\ light,, bread?" pcctlvo cuMjnier In a bake ill." "replied the new boy. A Gentle Hint.—Frank—Blanch, tied a tiuy ilatlron on my corf night. Dick—Do you know win means? Frank—No. Dick— wants you to press your sult£& News. llicks—I understand tbntV.K*. cold storage company is inaR^P^ of money*- You are ill It 011 th&\jA lloor. aren you? Wicks (mour^j —No tliey froze ino out.—Soinji' Journal. Mrs. Youngling 1*7' 's w. you suppose youlB,M V.'l iroin where vou I nnd cries? John (jl. j[e, Who ble newspaper)—! dud Stray Stories. "I shall never sri slie said. '-Why ua alone III the draw [peak Vlcln when the gas slide's. "And what did he Stray Stories. 'en "What do you regt ie story ever written? iw. mental young woma slory." answered I •, never written. It. Washington Star. "Papa fell over 1: this morning," snld funny— 1 laughed tr& yer?" said Toinmylep Willie "papa caugje 5 Philadelphia ltecori, "I want to see 14 the visitor. "YouJj vant 'she has thl must be mistaken,' "I am her dentist, here I11 this paeK.i •m '61 Mrs. Stubb—1 spring curtains ask of pins. Jusf wnltft that clerk that sold uu. Stubb—Going to give him a eumuii tur?, Maria '—Chicago News. Fuddy—But what uinkes you tl thai Scales is uot much of a music1 Dudily—Didn't you note that I10 sp about rendering selections upon violin? A really good player Is lied with playing pieces.—Boston script. Getting Matters Adjusted.—"l'ou half an hour late at our nppolntr Mr. Thouipklus." "Yes: 1 stoppi get my luncheon.-' "Well, bo enough to sit down nnd wnlt go out and get 111I110."—Chlcug ord. ICIderdowii. 4- 1 he. cider duck Hues Its-'? fully with Its own down. 'J robbed of tlio down by tlio aud the duck quickly procc Hue lier nest, supplying the from her own body. The third drake gives his down, and this is al lowed to remain. lea thousand pounds of eiderdown are gathered annually In Inland and the natives receive for It libout fS a pound, although the trade Is'carried on through a barter, the natives receiving little or 110 money. I OutopuR aR Food. The octopus now finds a place on tbo fish stalls lu ,I» yy, where It is euten either dried nfo, i. The local esti mate ot It l:/4, eating, but/S^ to other tun»4 with all/ 4" parlies] Clinmi/^» beenuv« °'Avf Mien jtfiubiuatH -v mio.i