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Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, December 13, 1899, Image 6

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€l)e ^Democrat
BEQN80H & CA&R, Publishers.
MANCHESTER, I I IOWA
There was a dress before there was
a loom or a fashion-plate.
When It conies to modifying election
results at times the back counties are
anything but back numbers.
Do not jump at conclusions. When
a man flatteringly says that you look
like ready money he may mean 30
cents.
ri
lie editor of an Eastern paper has
discovered that Dewey turned around
Is Wed." We fancy wo see the
editor turning Dewey around.
The trouble with that Chicago man
who accumulated forty-two wives was
Ills failure to Interlard Ills marriages
liberally with Chicago divorces.
Evil wins now ami then, not because
It Is stronger than good, but because
good does not realize its oivn strength,
and does not use it to the best advan
tage.
Si
One how York railroad wants to
abolish sleeping and dining car tips,
but so far as the result is In the hands
of the waiters and porters they may be
expected to hold out to the end.
A California minister has denounced
kissing games at church socials. Tills,
however, is not given as the reason for
the removal of the author of "The Man
with the Hoe" from California to
Brooklyn.
Isn't It about time that something
were done to make It difficult to obtain
carbolic acid? It can be had for.tho
simple asking in almost any drug store,
and thus an easy way of "shuffling oil
this mortal coll' Is practically placed
within reacb^of those who are weary of
life. 1
here would be fewer suicides If
carbolic acid were difficult to obtain.
There are few more successful meth
ods of duping people, in their desire for
wealth, than for some impecunious
trickster to tell them he has a "sure
thing1' by means of which they can
speedily get rich. They never stop to
ask why he docs not make himself
rich, although the precept, "Phvsician,
heal thyself!' Is so old aud hackneyed.
"We do not suppose," remarks a
critic of lighting, "the majority of us
have any overmastering desire for the
tierce delights of personal combat."
'i lie black eyes and bloody noses of our
youth remain as a vivid memorv. Man,
when he is grown, prefers the lighting
at long range, which Is one of the re
sults of Invention and the higher civili
sation. He can got all the fun out of
it that Is in It that way-
A recent expose of the brutal treat
ment of privates in the army of Prance
by their officers gives new emphasis to
the danger of arbitrary power. It is
also reported that in Austria the cus
tom of boxing the cars of soldiers and
recruits has been so common and so
violent that thousands of them have
suffered such impairment of their hear
ing as partly to unlit them for service
The minister of war has recently Issued
a prohibitory order.
"One of the remarkable sights of the
present day is that you don't see any
bicycles," remarked a gentleman. "And
still more remarkable," he continued,
"Is the way American people take up a
fad and run it Into the ground. Four
years ago the bicycle was the craze
before that It was tenuis: now It Is golf
and the Lord only knows what It'll be
next. But from a clothes standpoint
golf Is the captain of 'em all. A man's
golQug suit and his fixings make his
blcyclo rig-out look like thirty cents, as
the saying Is. Aud the women ain't
far behind."
A census 'family' means the number
of people who are fed from the same
pantry. A hotel, a boarding-school or
a prison Is a family in the eye of the
census. Domestic servants are always
counted as a part of the household with
which they are living. This use of the
term makes the average size of the
family in a town which happens to
have a great Institution unusually
large, but In the long run It works out
about even, since actual families must
be reduced In number bv so nuicli to
supply the members of these Inordinate
ly large families.
Dame Fashion, who Is not only
whimsical and eccentric but frequently
very umvlsc, has made a departure in
the matter of women's skirts that must
be commended. By a recent irnde,
ukase or decree the good dame has or
dered that the skirls shall lack a cou
ple of Inches of reaching the grouud
Tbls is most sensible. There never was
any reason why a woman's skirt should
be so long as to touch the ground any
more than there is for man's coat (ails
touching the ground. A few skittish
old maids may take a duck-lit when
they imagine someone can see the Iocs
of their shoes peeping out from under
their draperies, but unless the foot is
tantalizlngly small and poignantly well
formed little attention is ordinarily
given to it.
Mr. Porter, the United States Ambas
sador to France, has reported to the
State department that the grave of
John Paul Jones lias been discovered
In Paris. If there Is no mistake In the
Identification of the grave Congress
bhould not hesitate to take prompt ac
tion for rebuiial lu this country aud the
erection of a fitting monument to the
memory of the grent sea tighter, who
was the llrst to make the Stars and
Stripes respected 011 the seas. No naval
hero has more worthily earned the
gratitude of the American people than
the lion-hearted sailor who fought the
powerful Serapls and Its consorts witli
that rotten old hulk, the Bonbomme
Richard, which apparently was no bet
ter titted for a fight than Kipling's old
hulk of Bolivar Bay.
Truth should be double edged, mid
cut both ways. Now there's the bird
question. Possibly the time may come
when women will not allow them to be
killed for their adornment nor will men
kill them for the pleasure of killing
something, says Beacon. I liave never
been able to understand why it Is not
as well to preach against the enormity
of shooting birds for fun as for shool
lng them to make women look prettier
but I notice that the emphasis Is all
placed on the latter. Probably the
pigeon that is shot at in a shooting
match does not enjoy it any more than
the hummingbird which is killed out
right for a woman hat. vet for one
word that Is said against the former
Instance tliero are hundreds said
against the latter. I suppose It Is easier
for a man to preach for his sister's
benefit than to practice tor his own.
PPSHSv •'ISBS1
But constant agitation may in time
cure both evils and so educatc man that
ho shall sec 110 pleasure I11 killing help
less birds and animals without any
purpose other than sport.
A Newark (N, J.) court lias admin,
istered a new and most effective cor^
rectlve for Juvenile crime. Five boys
were caught stealing fruit from freight
cars and arraigned before a police Jus
tice. When proved guilty the justice
sentenced them to twelve lashes with
a policeman belt. It Is said the young
culprits were perfectly satisfied with
tills method of punishment and ngrced
tlicy would behave themselves In fu
ture, while other boys who have beeu
In the liablt of misbehaving have sud
denly manifested a violent and uncon
trollable desire to reform their habits
A thorough spanking by a vigorous po
liceman is a much more salutary form
of punishment for a young boy than
sending him to an institution where he
will learn more deviltry and practice It
when he Is released. For extremely
youthful persons bent upon going in
the wrong direction there is nothing so
certain to turn them into the right rond
a spanking. It is much more effective
than Incarceration cr milk-sop rem
edies.
A Chicago dentist aud inventor claims
to have discovered a method by which
the soft coal of the west can bo suc
cessfully coked so that soft coal coke
will be equal to hard coal coke for
blasting and smelting purposes. In
commenting upon tills discovery tlio
Ottumwa, Iowa, Courier remarks that
If the discovery Is practicable, the Iron
Industry will witness a great changc,
and the production of pig-iron in the
Western States where soft coal Is
plentiful will be vastly increased. Up
to tills time the great Eastern Iron
making centers have had an advantage
over those of the West. Both have de
pended almost entirely upon the Lake
Superior mines for their ores, but the
Eastern Iron furnaces are located so
much nearer the great sources of the
coke supply of the world that they have
had a great advantage over the Western
furnaces. If the Chicago man can do
what lie promises, however, flic condi
tions will be just reversed and the West
will have the advantage over the East,
ihe bituminous coke can be
made for from to $2-50
per mil, while the anthracite coke
costs $0 to fro.nfi. Pennsylvania is
a great Iron manufacturing State al
most solely because of the Tact that it
is the gi(-.It anthracite coal center, and
when this new coking process. is
brought into use there is no reason why
the West should not become a great
iron manufacturing section. Last year
the Western furnaces smelted but one
fifth of the Iron ore taken from the
great Iron mines In the Lake Superior
legion, but now that they can produce
their coke at home. Instead of shipping
It all the way from Pennsylvania, they
may be expected to tnke a largo share
lu ah the industries to which Iron ore
gives rise.
MAN OF BLOOD AND IRON.
Such Ih Gt-u. Itnllcr, lio Com mantis
the llriliHli in South Africa,
The commanding figure in South Af
iica Is Gen. Sir Itcdvers Ilenry Buller,
who holds the supreme command of the
Biitish soldiers there. Gen. Buller has
under him over 70.000 men—a force
nearly four times greater than the pure
ly English troops which Wellington
commanded at Waterloo.
Gen. Buller Is apparently fitted for
the task entrusted to lilm. lie Is a
man of blood aud Iron. Ills sword Is
crimson to the lillt. Blood, battles,
brigades, bombs, blockading, barracks,
bivouacs, belligerency—all are synony
mous with Buller. lie is entering npon
his tenth campaign. In many more
chin-res he has faced and dealt death
Over and over again he has beeu "men
tioned I11 dispatches for gallantry In
action.
Gen. Buller entered as ensign the
Kings Royal Rille Corps. He took part
Ol-.N. Sin 1IMVKI:S HKN'ltV IllTI.MCIt
In the Chinese war of ]SCO- went to
Manitoba in lfcro with Lord Wolselev
against Riel, and three vears later to
the gold coast. I11 the Ashanti cam
paign ofelST,! Gen. Buller took part in
four engagements, Including the decis
ive battle of Oooniassie. After five
years he was bad: again
I11
^11^
Africa,
where, leading file tfrontlcr light horse
against the Kaffirs, he exhibited great
•personal bravery. He participated, dis
tinguishing himself more than ever in
the battlefield. In the Zulu war of 1870,
and In flic Boer war that followed. He
was present at Kassasin and Tel-el
Kclm, at El
rJ
eb. and Tamal. and won
the battle of Ahn-Klea.
Gen. Buller is also known as Ihe au
thor the Infantry Drill Book. He Is a
man of enormous energy, and of a pe
culiar cold daring, which springs from
the head rather than (lie emotions
rigid disciplinarian, stern and exact
ing, he Is feared and respected. There
is more cruelty than mercy in his com
position. He personally dislikes the
Boers and his campaign will lie one of
sternness to the end. To plant the Brit
ish flag over Pretoria within flic least
possible time as a preparatory of paint
ing another slice of South Africa an
English red—such is his task and to
that task he will apply himself with all
determination 111 his nature
he S ro ul So*r.
The man who scorned the deadly mines
ami his tleet nhcad,
Who managed to arrive before the foe
was out of bed,
Is great, but would yon rather be the
admiral to-day
ihan the boy who can afford to give six
million plunks away?
O, the Kaiser on his gilded throne is
quite a personage,
And so is he who stands supreme upon
the mimic stage.
But would you rather be the knight or
emperor, to-day,
Than the boy who can afford to give six
million plunks awayV
.there's Chamberlain and bdison and
Ivipbng with his pen.
And ti'.-ry little l-unston aud the oilier
famous men—
ould you be one of those instead (if vou
could choose, fo-iluv,)
Or the bo.v who can afford to give six
million pluuks nwuy,
And has some mnetv millious left to keep
htni feeling gny
—Chicago Tiraett-Uerald,
foiO HIS *s stor.v of bow Chicago
II dealt with grade crossings, main
1y condensed from the Chronicle:
Mfteen years ago Chicago was inter
sected 111 every direction and at all pos
sible angles with railroad tracks. Kv
cry track was laid at the grade of the
streets or alleys it crossed. Accidents
—generally fatalities, lor grade cross
lug accidents rarely stop short of the
death of the victim—were ol dallv. al
most hourly, occurrence. Chicago be
gan to murmur and rebel against the
grade crossing—It was determined to
abolish them once for all.
The railroad companies were willing
to elvate or depress the numerous
tracks, but wore not willing to under*
go the hardship and expense of the im
provement (»uards aud watchmen
were maintained at ihe crossings, time
tables were public property, and the
roads ROW no reoson why they should
be called upon to boar millions of dol
lars extra expense to remedy the diiH
culty.
The grade status In Chicago to-day Is
an excellent exemplar of what Chlca-
ILLINOIS CKNT.'tAL AT fioTJI STREF.T.
undertaking.. Hut In the end thev had
this to do just the same. Mrst it was
held by the lines that thev could uot
be compelled to elevate their tracks or
In any other manner alter the grades.
This point was argued laboriously af
ter months and even years of skillful
research in the law books: it took the
highest court In the Stale but a lew
minutes to destrov the illusion.
Jen years ago the question of elevat
ing the tracks was a political Issue in
tills city. Parties battled over the
question, one side being Inclined to the
belle! that the city lacked the power
to force the reads to act aud the other
certain the power existed, But by the
beginning of 1800 it was 110 longer a
dividing question. No candidate for
Mayor could hope to win unless out
spoken iu favor of sending up all the
tracks and making the roads pay the
bills. Jo-day no administration looks
upon the question as anything more
than a mere matter of detail. Ordin
ances must be drawu and accepted by
has been demonstrated daily ever since
the first carload of material was dump
ed In a right of way.
Ihe roads did not den.v that if the
thing could bo done it would be a valu
able thing for both sides, but the roads
also declined to consider the proposi
tion in any guise. They had laid their
tracks under charters and ordinances,
had complied with the laws, aud uo
bod.v or corporation could disturb their
possession. They sometimes carried
this contention to such an extent as to
battle among themselves to prevent
some rival line from crossing their
rights of way. Work was done on
Sunday and holidays to evade, if possi
ble. the interference of police or sher
iff. Hut these attempts were always
met by a like determination, result
ing finally in defeat or compromise.
W tieo the roads lenrueri that the
courts had held that the power lay in
Ihe dly, under general regulations of
police as well as under charter pro
visions, to force changes of grade to
meet modern necessities, tliey nsked
who would pay for It. When told that
the.v would be expected to do this a
EKGLEWOOD AMU WKNTWOKTII AVENUES.
goaus can do when they will it. Hun
dreds of miles of tracks have beeu ele
vated or depressed, hundreds of cross
ings abolished, either subways or via
ducts containing the offending tracks,
and the roads have paid out nearly
$17,000,000. The city has uot been at
any expense at all in accomplishing
this feat. Ninety per ceut. of the tracks
no longer menace the public on foot or
horseback or in carriages. Every
spadeful of earth, every block ol ma
soniy, every bolt in every piece of Iron
provided for by ordinance has been put
in place.
Chicago wou the fight as she gener
ally wins whatever she seeks. JJut It
was a long, hotely contested and inter
esting coutest just the same, for the
big lines are no mean antagonists, and
had many fairly sound arguments to
advauce to show thev should not bear
all the expense, interruption to traffic
and worry Incidental to sucn a colossal
new tight was commenced, for they at
first absolutely refused to do any such
thing.
It was discovered to the deep disgust
of the companies that they could be
forced to alter any grade named and
also be forced to foot the bill. Then
the element of suggested compromise
eutered into the controversy early in
1S00. Uhe companies began to spar for
wind aud suggest that each side p:i.v
half.
Hut the city had won every round in
court and was not inclined to help one
little bit. he roads were successively
notified to begiu the work. No exact
plan was adopted, but pronies were
furnished by the city engineer as a
basis for the work, ihe roads might
do It any way which seemed best to
them, provided they did it. Hut with
masterly inactivity they did nothing*
Ihe city sent warning after warning
and even threatened to begin the wrn
itself. Then the last legal act of the
fight was commenced Injunctions were
applied for. These failed.
Meanwhile the general managers had
formed an association for mutual pro
tection. his was held out to be an
association to protect business, pre
vent ratc-slasliiiig. aud by concert of
action get all roads into hue on a gen
eral policy. It was really designed to
fight the elevation scheme. Hut even
injunction-made laws failed them, for
the courts held that the city had- the
power to act. It looked along in the
years just before the World's Kalr as
If a direct conflict would take place be
tween the city officers on one hand and
voad employes on the other.
hxpert engineers declared that It
would cost as much or more to elevate
or depress the tracks as it had cost In
the original construction of the roads,
lsond attorneys, using this as a basis,
sugued that the hardship on the roads
was so great that eveu conceding the
power ol the cit.v to force action uo
court would force such an extremity
of hardship. The lawyers also argued
that this expense, heav.v as it would
be. would he but a trifle when compar
ed with the loss entailed by the inter
ruption of tralhc. he contention of the
experts regarding the cost has been
proved to be under rather than over
the actual expenditure. It has cost the
roads about $50,000 a mile to do the
work. Hut the alleged loss due to in
terrupted truffle has been proved to be
but a dream. 'Ihe roads suffered incon
venience. to be sure, but 110 line lost a
pound of freight or a single passenger
on this account. The tribunals also
disappointed the legal lights by.calmly
WEST LAKE A Mi UOCKWELL STUEETS.
the roads and work done under them
as regularly as streets are paved or
cleaned—in fact, more regularly than
can be said of the cleaning process.
l.-ndcr the administration ol the elder
Harrison a determined effort was
made to get at the matter iu a busi
ness-like manner, ihe roads at first
merely laughed at. the idea as a vision
ary plan utterly impossible of accom
plishment. Jnc.v held that neither
they nor the city could aflord the ex
pense even if thev could stand the in
terruption to their ordinary business
while their trucks were being elevated.
Jhu first objection raised was that
the roads would practically be forced
to suspend business while this work
was going on. The Mayor thought dif
ferently. but in conclusion said let
them suspend then, for the lives and
limbs ol the peopie were valuable be
yond any mere financial computation.
Hut it was also shown by engineering
experts that the elevation could be ac
complished without biibstantlal inter
rupttyu to traiUe. a contention which
saying the cltv would force the roads
to do what was needed.
Not an Inch of track has beeu estab
lished according to the new grade
without a persistent fight in which all
the .skill, foresight aud acumen of the
companies has been expeuded. The
expense, as lias neon shown, has been
enormous, even it no other cost had
been involved than the tilling iu and
letainliu: ot the roadbed within the
limits pic.scrii.ied. Hut every step In the
progression has been -fought over bit
terly, entailing additional expense ou
the roads. So far as the city is con
cerned, the battle has been substantial
ly without expense bevond that pro
vided for In the ordinary administra
tion of public affair*.
-Ian. 1, 1SD2, not a mile of tiie hun
1 drods of tiacks in the eitv had been
elevated. Probably somewhere near
2,000 crossings were in existence. In
one year—last roar—nearly U00 cross
1 ings w*r« eliminated. This Is a mere
I straw to show li'ow rapidly the tide set
lu the other way when once the city
got clown to business. With every
crossiug on grade In the beginning of
the Initial year of actual elevation, the
year closed with some fiftv miles in
the air and a large number of danger
ous crossings, especially 011 the south
side, no longer menaced the people.
Seven years ago every train, freight
or passenger, which eutered the city
poked along slowly from the limits to
the depots with very few exceptions
Ordinances provided that only a cer
tain speed should be maintained inside
the city limits, that the peril to pedes
trians or other citizens in the city
might be reduced to a minimum. Some
few express trains rushed along at a
high rate of speed, but tliey were
guarded at block intervals for six or
bcven miles. Gates were dropped
when the trains were half a mile dis
tant, and the gongs rattleu Without
ceasing until after the rushing express
had passed. 3 here Is no diminution of
this speed to-dav. It is rather Increas
ed, for the trains can run at sixty miles
an hour without running the slightest
risk of killing a citizen at any grade
crossing.
With the World's Kalr coming on.
one road saw the advantage of elevated
tracks to hurry visitors down to the
grouuds. By the time the ceremonies
of dedication iu October. 1802. were all
arranged for the IIUuols Central had
elevated its tracus as far south as 03d
street. Like all others, this road fought
the whole thing bitterly, but. &ce1ng no
escape, the road accepted the ordin
ances passed to provide for the work
on Its Hues. These ordinances Are real
ly plans carefully prepared to obviate
euglneeriug difficulties and enable the
line to elevate or depress the tracks at
the smallest estimated cost. The city
pays nothing, but has enforced its de
mands until few roads wish to make
the fight any longer.
This beginning inspired the people
and authorities with reason to feel that
the grade crossing would have to go.
It also taught the railroad companies
that all tliey could do would be to fight
for time thev must all get in the band
wagon in the end. So when the World's
Pair Mayor was elected it was believed
that considerable progress would be
made. One thing had militated against
progress, aud-tliat was that the city
was trying to do too much at once.
The city had been trying to battle the
combined roads as a combination. Or
dinances were being prepared which
were blaukcts covering the entire sys
tem In the city. These necossarlly fail
ed from loo grent complication.
In 1803 a change in plau was inaug
urated. It was decided to go at the
roads in detail, taking one or two at a
time, drawing up ordinances 011 engi
neering schemes agreed upon between
the city engineer and the experts of
the roads. All other roads would be left
alone for the time being, the city deter-
about a dozen miles to tno northeast
of Sardinia. The total population of
the whole republic does not OJffie$dD0,
but lliey elect a President every six
years, aud a Council of six members,
all of whom serve the state without
pay. Ihe women of this islaud go to
the polls aud vote Willi the men, and
ever since it became a republic, in 1880,
all public business has been transacted
without turmoil: the clcctious taklug
place without any high party feeling or
uudue excitement.
In 1SJG kiug Charles Albert of Sar
dinia granted the Island of Tavolara to
a family of the name of Hnrtoleonl, but
in less tliau half a century the Inhab*
itants threw off the yoke of monarchy
and took to themselves the right to lie
governed by themselves. This little war
did not alarm the world, and was quite
a peaceful one. King Paul I. reigned
until 1882. and on his deathbed request
ed that uonc of his km should succccd
to the throne, and as uo one claimed
the honor four years later the people
decided to draw up a constitution, and
Tavolara has been a very successful
little republic since.
Twelve years ago Its independence
wrn8 recognized by Italy, aud. it is to be
presumed, other powers would have
recognized it also if thev had known of
Its existence. Ihe Inhabitants- live
principally bv fisliincaud raising fruits
and vegetables.
rlhev
SUBWAY, 55TH ST. HOUL. UNDER P., P. W- & C. HAILWAY-
mlning to fight the enemy in detail In
stead of In bulk. The result was at once
apparent, for the roads were tangled
up, and each had its own particular
fight on its bauds. The Northwestern
was the second to get to work, for In
1&93 plans were submitted for the ele
vation of the Galena division, which,
with some unimportant modifications,
were decided upon as good working
plans.
FOLIAGE RECALLS BISMARCK.
ISrunchca of Trees Spell Tannic of Ger
man htatctsitmn.
Germany man of blood aud iron Is
still remembered iu the fatherland in
many unique ways. Bismarck, it ap
pears, has left bis Imprint upon Ger
many to the extent of controlling the
shape of Us apple trees. This Isn't the
pleasantest thing in the world for
young Kaiser Wilhelm to realize, par
ticular^- when the knowledge Is forced
upon him I11 so abrupt a uiauucr as It
was the other day at Gelscuhelm.
fl
he Kaiser was journeying to Alsace.
On the way he slopped at Mourepos.
Gelsenheim, the greatest fruit nursery
in Germany. The Emperor has rather
a faucy for horticulture,.and. indeed,
lucludcs it among his numberless spe
cial hobbles. His host was Baron Vou
Lade, proprietor ol the orchards. When
the circuit of the orchards and gardens
had been made Baron You Lade said?
'•Now, I beg leave to show your maj
esty the finest grown fruit tree in the
world.' ihe Kaiser amiably couseut
ed to look at the tree and found it an
enormous growth traiued to grow In
the outlines of the eight letters of Bis
marck mime. This very Teutonic feat
had been accomplished by planting
four little trees close together and clip
ping and training them coustauUy.
fear no sudden
invnsiou. for thev dispense with any
army or nhvv. and. presumably, in case
of need, would rely upon the entire
population to uphold the freedom of
the country.
DIDN'T LIKE THE SMELL,
He Suid, After Wowing Out the Gas mid
Sleeping Thirty Hours*
A verv "bra mou" is "Scottv Patter
son, and he has beeu awuy from the
•Tieebinds" but fourteen mouths. This
in part accounts for his thoughtless act
of Saturday night. Scotty works In the
Scottcn stables, and takes his meals
In Kurth Hotel.
Ou Saturday night the Kurth mau
of-all-work. who also comes from the
land of golf and the "Honny Briar
Bush," gathered In Scottv, nnd the two
sat quite late over reminiscences and
Scotch whisky. When It came time for
Scotty to return to his room over the
stables they found that the Scotch whis
ky had quite paralyzed his power of
locomotion, as well as his sense of direc
tion. Scotty suggested that a vacant
room in Kurth's Hotel might simplify
matters, and as the hotel was just
across the street, "Jalmle.-' the chore
man. fell in with the suggestion. He
pulled Scotty up the back stairs nnd
locked him In. Then Scottv blew out
the gas at the third lunge and jumped
at the bed.
Tills morning Mrs. Ivurlh found Scot
ty's door locked, in fact she didn't know
that Scotty was there at all. They
looked over the transom and saw a pair
of feet protruding from the foot of the
bed, for Scotty had crawled under lt
Ihe sniell of escaping gas was suffo
cating, but they kicked in the door and
pulled Scotty out. His chaperon had
quite fo.gotlen his good Samaritan
•work. Ihe dazed mau was set dowu in
the yard, where he soou recovered
lie had been in the room for over
thirty hours, Inhnllug the poisonous
fumes, and his "bra" constitution nud
the two inches of opened transom are
all that saved his life.
Scotty said few things when they
pulled him out at 10 o'clock this morn
ing. One of his remarks was:
Hoot, mon, but I diuna like the
smeel over weel."—Detroit Journal.
Iiow the Walls Han Down.
The Irishman who went up in the
hotel lift without knowing what It was
did not recover easily from the sur
prise. Ho relates the story in this
way.
*T wint to the hotel, and, says I, 'Is
Misther Smith iu/'
\es,' says the man with the sojer
cap. Will yez step iu?'
'So I steps into the closet, aud all
of a suddlnt lie pulls the rope, and—it's
the truth I'se telliug yez—the walls of
the buildlug beguu running dowu to
the ccliur.
4
Next trf this prize tree was one which
Huron Lade called the '"Bismarck cup
It was Ingeniously trained to the form
of a communion cup.
These wonders did not Interest the
Emperor as^Lhe Karon had anticipated.
Indeed, the great man was obviously
vexed.
Then the Baron bethought himself.
He turned to a tiny tree iu the adjoin
ing garden.
"But here, .vour majesty," he suld
wlth unction. -Is a tree that will eclipse
these and all others. I have called it
Wilhelm der Grosse.' Your majesty
can see that the letters are already
partly formed."
After which the Kaiser went 011 his
way propitiated.
SMALLEST REPUBLIC,
Two and a Half fojuure MIIch, with a
Population of sixty.
The smallest republic In the world
Is that of Tuvolara. an island about five
iulles long, with an average width of a
littlo more than hall' a mile, situated
Och. murtber!' says I. 'what'll be
come of Bridget aud (he children wblcb
was left below there?'
.' Says the sojer-cap man. 'J*e alsy,
sorr they II be all right when yez
comes down.'
"Come dowu, is it?' says I. 'And It
Is uo closet at all, but a haytUInlsh
balloon that yez got me In!'
And wld that the walls stood stock
still, aud he opened the dooc- and
there I was wld the roof just over my
head! And, begorra. that's what saved
me from goin' up to the hevlus lutire
ly!'—Irish Independent.
Adulterate It Themselves,
A process has beeu invented and pat
ented in Brazil for .preparing coffee In
tabloids by a system of compression
It is argued that not only will there be
less expense In exporting coffee in this
form, but that the customer will be
more certain of thus receiving for his
use the pure, unadulterated article
"Your dog seems to follow you with
out orders. Yes. be wouldn't take
any orders from me. He's been in the
family long enough to kuow the real
boss."—Cleveland Plalu Dealer.
An epigram is a lot"o£ words fitted
together in such a peculiar manner that
their lack of meauing is concealed by
the brilliant effect produced-
Mie—What the difference between
a dimple aud a wrlnkle?,He—Ob. about
thirty or forty years,—Town Topic*.
ESTERHAZY OWES HIM SIO.
Telegraph Oparjitor in New Orleans
Buys French Officer "liia" Him
"Count Estorlmzy, wLo figured so
promiueutly In tin Dreyfus trial, has
been lu New Orlenus several limes,"
saUI guest nt the Grunewnkl Hotel.
1 myself saw blm ou 011c of Ills visits,
nud was present when lie (lid some
cabling to I'l'itiicc. the cost of which,
or lather portion of the fee. be de
liberately defrauded the operator out
of.- 11 happened thus:
Esterliazy bad come lu town by one
Of the roads from the north aud went
to tbe boutberu Taclllc depot to board
a train for the West. While waiting
for his train he leuien^hmul that he
had some cabling to do and walked
over to the telegraph operator In tbe
buildlug aud asked for a blank.
Ihe operator gave II to hlui. and the
Frenchman wiolc out quite lengthy
coded cablegram and addressed it to a
private party in Pmis. Ky this time
there were only a few momcuts left for
lilm to get uboard the train, nnd the
operator bad to hurry lu looking up the
rate. 'Jo arrive nt the exact Dgures
necessitated some little caluculatlon,
aud the operator, to expedite matters
for the noble count, told him the rate
nud nsked him to make the calculation,
too.
ills the I'TeiKlimnn. who was evi
dently illicit at llgurcs. did, aud bad
finished a moment before the operator
called out his result, and nsked If that
was what he made it. lOsierha/.y look
ed straight at the operator a second,
as though reading his very thoughts,
nnd unhesitatingly replied: 'It Is cor
rect.'
"He paid the amount and hurried
awnv. A few minutes Inter the opera
tor discovered -that he bad been paid
just $10 less than the correct amount
be bnd made an error In his calcula
tions, nud the count had taken advan
tage of his error to save the money.
The young mail immediately wired
ahead of the train asking the conduc
tor to see Estcrhazv. explain tbe cal
culation. and request tile $10. Tbe con
ductor compiled, but when be had ex
plained to the noble traveler, the lat
ter only shrugged Ills shoulders nnd re
plied that it was uo concern of bis
Aud tbe operator -made good the short
age from his own salary. It was as
clear a case of steal as ever heard
of."—New Orleans TImcs-Dqinocrat
binnrt, but Not Smart knoush.
While the President was In Milwau
kee. a few weeks ago, some young
sters thought It would be a good idea
to get excused from school (bat they
might more thoroughly enter into tbe
spirit of the day. But bow. to get the
excuse signed.' A parent's signature
was, of course, the proper thing, but
both youngsters knew that iu tills par
ticular case their parents were not to
be relied oil. Suddenly one of them bad
a bright Idea. Tliey would get Presi
dent McKinle.v himself to sign the ex
cuse. It would ho easy enough (o sim
ply stay away from school on tbe day
Itself, and with nil excuse for the pre
vious absence signed by the Tresldent
himself they need have 110 Tear of being
kept In' nor punished in any way 011
file day following. One of tbe young
sters accordingly pushed his way
through the crowd to the Presidential
stand, and. clambering without cere
mony to the top, thrust a bit of scrib
bled paper before anybody could stop
blm Into the President hand nnd ask
ed for a signature. It took Mr. Mc
Klnley a second or two to comprehend
the situation, but when lie did lie put
Ills name to the slip without a word.
Hie youngster slid down liappv. Next
day at school the two truants presented
their excuse. The teacher glanced at
the autogniph. '-.McKlnley doesn't run
this school," she observed, nnd hard
heartedly kept them In just the same.
—New lork Evonlng Sun.
Alligator Riding.
Jim Frazlor, of Florida, Is called
"Wild Jim' because he Is the klug of
alligator limitei's. "Wild Jim" hunts
alligators In tbe Florida. Everglades.
Ills specialty Is In furnishing bnby alli
gators to tbe Northern trade, though
be also catches adult alligators and
sells their teeth and skins. It Is said
that bo employs several bundled alli
gator catchers, and has made a fortune
out of Ids botel business.
His favorite pastime Is to watch alli
gators cat dogs aud cats that he lias
thrown into the water to feed them
During the winter be secures hundreds
of worthless cms and screaming cats
and In the spring lie drives the canines
aud felines down to Ills alligntor ranch
111 the everglades, where lie amuses
himself wltn alligator-back riding.
He is an alligator charmer and tamer,
and is the only 1111111 In Florida that
would dare mount the back of an old
alligator In the water. When lie wants
to ride lie throws his alligntor muz/.le
over the head of an alligator and Jumps
011 the niouster back. The alligator
cannot reach tbe intrepid rider with
Ills tall, nnd Ills mnuth Is muzzled
Wild Jim's" wiry legs are entwined
around the forelegs of tlio alligator,
while the alligator dives and swim?
and lashes Ills tail, trying to be free
When Jim gets tired be makes the alli
gators swim to tliu shore, whore he
jumps off and dispatches It.
O110 €11 Senator Depm.
Nothing Is more Incomprehensible
to European writers than the American
custom of breaking eggs in a glass.
Chauneey M. Depew likes to follow tbe
American custom, and one day the
waiter at the Hotel do Itussc. In Paris
told him lie mustn't do It. There was
a dispute, nud the head waiter was
called. '-Theclasses cannot beproperly
washed.-' It was explained. "Tliey are
ruined."
"Nonsense.-' said Mi*. Depew, "my
servants at homo do it every day iu the
yeni-. Iise a little more elbow grease."
Then Mr. Depew broke his egg Into
the glass, as usual, nnd the waiter
watched lilm. When the glass was set
aside lie came with a dustpan, cracked
the glass 011 his boot heel nnd disap
peared with the fragments. HMic charge
for the glass was on Mr. Depew's bill,
and be refused to pny it. He was too
good a customer to make angry, so the
botel people smiled. 'J hoy knew that
Mrs. Depew was going to remain a
week longer. A broken egg glass wns
Ingeniously worked luto her bill, and
she paid for It, butjlr. Depew didn't
know It for many months afterward,
when lie was telling the story as an
Instance of Ills success lu counteracting
the extortions of European hotel keep
ers.—New England Home Mngazlnc.
Wlggs—Why does lijoues have that
phonograph going all the time? It's
awful. Waggs—Well, you see his wife's
away, find when lie litis the phonograph
going lie says be doesn't miss lier so
much.—Philadelphia Record.
A man with but one idea is some
times worse off than a man with no
idea at all.
What has become of the old-fash
ioned wouian who admired her bus
baud, aud called him Pa?
•More men die of Idleness than PC hard
waik,
I.awver—Do yon swear the colli
raised the entire car? Witness—V
It raised everything but tbe windov
Judge.
Miss Dimple—Reggie, did you
smell powder? Reginald—Oh, ot
Miss Dimple—Mnnila or Onba? gv
nald—Sacliet.—Ohio State Jounal.
Cleverton—When you told her.father
you loved her, did he sliow much feel
ing? Dasliaway—Oh, yes I don't know,
when I have been so moved!—Life.
Parlte—Don't yon Hud It a great thlnic
to have a telephone In your Jjousc?
Lane—les. sir! My neighbors tell me
they couldn't get along'without It
Life.
She—Is ho rich? He—No. She
Some 011c told me he had more money
than brains, no—He has, but he hasn't
got much money at that.—YonUera
Statcsmnn.
Mr. Ncwlvwed—Whnt is this I am
eating, dearest? Mrs. Newlywed—That
.'s angel cake, darling. Mr. Kcwlyweil
—II.il See mo make It fly!— Pbilttdc^
phlu Record.
Twitter—I hear you bad a sneak tblefi
nt your bouse last ulglit. Did a pretty
fair job, didn't he? TrottOr-Well. yes.
In fact, ho left nothing to be ddslrcd.—
Town Topics.
She—I trust, Jack, our marriage wIIB
uot be against your father's will. Jack
—I'm sure, I hope not It would 1m
mlghtv hard for us If he should change
it.—Brooklyn Life.
"Prize lights are brutal." said Cur
tlcks "as brutal as bull lights." "How
about cock tights?" naked Crookey.
"Oh. they are foul."—Philadelphia
North-American.
Mrs. Clancy—Me husband do be suf
ferln' wld prostliratlon. Mrs. Casey
Nervous prostitution? Mrs. Clancy—
Not exactly. Ol prostUrnted him wld a
flatlrou.—.New York journal.
The Scoffer—What rlgbt have you to
sign your name with an "A. M.,r!
It? The Signer—As much right as an
one. It means, lu my case, "nverag
man."—Indianapolis Journal.
Snnrley--They're a bad family. Th
father plays the stock market and HI
son the races. Yow—You'd think thoitf.
were virtues If you heard the danghis*"
play the piano.—Syracuse HeraJiL——'
Attorney—W hen did your husband
first show signs of Insanity, madamV
Wife—The dnv he married me. 1 then
discovered he was making only $10 a
week.—Philadelphia North American.
Lecturer—And what man Is-aiost apt
to reach that elevation whence the
earth may bo viewed "as ouo vast
plain?" Voice (in the audience)—Tb«
one that works In a powder-mill.—Life.
••Marriage." said the proverb quoter,
"Is a lottery." "Y'es," answered tha
Rultnn of Sulu as he sadly waved hi#
hand toward the harem, "and there's
a bunch of blanks."- \VashIngTon Star.
"Have you
asked a prosp
shop. -Yes 111," "rPiUled
"we have some nice pffuntHoaves that
weigh, only ten ounces."—Chicuso
News.
1 the harem, anu tuere
ilanks."-.Washington Star,
ii any u\\ light,, bread?"
pcctlvo cuMjnier In a bake
ill." "replied the new boy.
A Gentle Hint.—Frank—Blanch,
tied a tiuy ilatlron on my corf
night. Dick—Do you know win
means? Frank—No. Dick—
wants you to press your sult£&
News.
llicks—I understand tbntV.K*.
cold storage company is inaR^P^
of money*- You are ill It 011 th&\jA
lloor. aren you? Wicks (mour^j
—No tliey froze ino out.—Soinji'
Journal.
Mrs. Youngling 1*7' 's w.
you suppose youlB,M V.'l
iroin where vou I
nnd cries? John (jl. j[e,
Who
ble
newspaper)—! dud
Stray Stories.
"I shall never sri
slie said. '-Why ua
alone III the draw
[peak
Vlcln
when the gas slide's.
"And what did he
Stray Stories. 'en
"What do you regt ie
story ever written? iw.
mental young woma
slory." answered I •,
never written. It.
Washington Star.
"Papa fell over 1:
this morning," snld
funny—
1 laughed tr&
yer?" said Toinmylep
Willie "papa caugje 5
Philadelphia ltecori,
"I want to see 14
the visitor. "YouJj
vant 'she has thl
must be mistaken,'
"I am her dentist,
here I11 this paeK.i
•m
'61
Mrs. Stubb—1
spring curtains ask
of pins. Jusf wnltft
that clerk that sold uu.
Stubb—Going to give him a eumuii
tur?, Maria '—Chicago News.
Fuddy—But what uinkes you tl
thai Scales is uot much of a music1
Dudily—Didn't you note that I10 sp
about rendering selections upon
violin? A really good player Is
lied with playing pieces.—Boston
script.
Getting Matters Adjusted.—"l'ou
half an hour late at our nppolntr
Mr. Thouipklus." "Yes: 1 stoppi
get my luncheon.-' "Well, bo
enough to sit down nnd wnlt
go out and get 111I110."—Chlcug
ord.
ICIderdowii. 4-
1
he. cider duck Hues Its-'?
fully with Its own down. 'J
robbed of tlio down by tlio
aud the duck quickly procc
Hue lier nest, supplying the
from her own body. The third
drake gives his down, and this is al
lowed to remain.
lea thousand pounds of eiderdown
are gathered annually In Inland and
the natives receive for It libout fS a
pound, although the trade Is'carried on
through a barter, the natives receiving
little or 110 money.
I OutopuR aR Food.
The octopus now finds a place on tbo
fish stalls lu ,I» yy, where It is euten
either dried nfo, i. The local esti
mate ot It l:/4,
eating, but/S^
to other tun»4
with all/ 4"
parlies]
Clinmi/^»
beenuv«
°'Avf
Mien
jtfiubiuatH
-v mio.i

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