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THE STAR OP THE NORTH.
R. W. Weaver Proprietor.] VOLUME 3. TDK STAR OF THE NORTH Is published every Thursday Morning, by R. W. WEAVER. OFFICE—Up stairs in theNcw Brick building on the south'side of Main street, third square below Market. TERMS : —Two Dollars per annum, if paid within six months from the time of subscri •bing ; two dollars and fifty cents if not paid within the year. No subscription received for a less period than six months : no discon tinuance permitted until all arrearages are paid, unless at the option of the editors. ADVERTISEMENTS not exceeding one square _ will bo inserted three times for one dolls r,and twenty-five cents for each additionl inser tion. A liberal discount will be made to those who advertise by the year. A PARODY. DV EFFIE EJ.WOOD. There aro three ways in which men steal One's heart from out your breast; And very hard it is to say Which of tho three is best, Against tbem all, however, 1 enter a protest. i You're riding through a shady grove, In a carriage with your beau, He pnts his arm around your waist, And whispers soft and low, That sleepless days and nights he's passed Because he loves you so. It's hard to have the question poppod When in the forest shade; It's hard to promise that he shall Be cherished and obeyed , But oh ! its harder far than this To perish—an old maid. You're at an evoring party, Some cold night, bright and clear, A handsome gentleman comos up And whispers in your ear: He hopes you will allow him To be your cavalier. And then he tells you, going home, You are his love, his life, That if you don't accept him He'll stab him with a knife; And so you see, in pity, You say you'll be his wife. You're sitting in the parlor, Reading books eager o'er, Thinking thnt to bo alone Is a most awful bore, When suddenly you'll be startled By a ring at the front door. You hear a slow, familiar step Resounding through the hail ; #fYou scat yourself more gracefully, And roundj^ufold your shawl; A visitor steps in, who saj s "* Ho comes to make a call. And for a while all goes on smooth, The hours fly by on wings ; You talk of balls and operas, And all such sort of things, And of the Swedish nightingale, How beautifully she sings. But soon you get exhausted With topics dull as these; And then ho lakes your snow white hand, And gives a gentle squoezo; It cannot be—it is—it is— The man is on his knees. No ! refuse to aid tho beggar That accosts you at your door, And turn away with pride and scorn From the sufferings of the poor; But do have pity on the man That's kneeling on tho floor. And if you do not lovo him, Don't his agony arouse, But tell mm you are sorry That at such a shrine he bows; But that all things considered, You cannot be his spouse. But if you lova him dearly Don't raise unkind alarms; But give him the full benefit Of knowing all your charms ; Then with a fond smilo throw yourself Right plump into his arms. Horrid Depravity. A base wretch in the form of a man, was, a few weeks since, introduced to a lovely and confiding girl of sixteen. Ho pressed her hand and said in a thrilling tone, that ho thought the "recent fine weather had ren dered the lauips more lovely than ever." | She blushed and said "very." Her parents j considered the matter as settlod, but he base- ] 111 fy deserted the young lady, after addressing iliis pointed language to her, and has never .called t her house since. We are glad to learn that her friends have taken the affair in band, and caused the monster to be ar rested in a suit for breach of promise—dam ages laid at 36,000. The scamp will be cautious in future how he trifles with their loving hearts—the toughest muscles, by the way, in the wLole body. 17 An exemplary young lady up-town is very particular about closing tho window curtains to her room before retiring for the night, in order to prevent "the man in the moon" from looking in. XW, Women are called the "softer sex," tmcauao they are so easily humbug ged. Out of one hundred girls nino-five would prefer ostentation to happiness—a dandy husband to a mechanio. f3T Alexander Gunn was disoharged lrora the Custom House at Ediuburg, for a mal practice. The entry in the books stands thus :—"A Gurm was discharged for making a false report/" > GF A lover has been pithily described as a man who, in his anxiety to obtain posses sion of another, has lost possession of him self. BLOOMSBURG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 1851. VIVE LA BAGATELLE. BANKUM MUSEUM. Just opened, with 100,000 curiosities, and performance in the lecture room; among wnicb may be found TWO LIVE BOAR CONSTRUCTORS, Mail and Femail. ALSO! A STRIPED ALOEHARA, STUFT, BESIDES ! A PAIR OF SHUTTLE COCKS, SHUTTLE HEN, ALIVE! THE SWORN WIICH CEK. WELLinr:-. Ton FIT WITH AT THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO ! whom is six feet long, and wide in proportion. WITH A ENORMOUS RATTI.ETAIL SNAIK. R regular wopper ! AND THE TOSHES OF A HIP POTUNURE. TOGETHER WITH A BENCUL TICOR— SPORTED LEPROSY. GREAT MORAL SPECTACLE OF "MOUNT VESUVIUS PART ONE. Seen opens. Distant moon. View of Bay of Naples. A thin smoke arises. It is the beginning of the Eruclion ! Tho Naples folkes begin to travel. Yaller fire, follered by silent thunder. Awful consternation. SiUhin rumbles ! It is the Mountain propa rin' to Vomic ! They call upon the Fire De partment. It's no use! Flight of stool pi goons. A cloud of impenitrable smoke hangs over the fated city, through witch the Napelors are seen makin' tracks. Awful ex plision of balbs, kurks, foruiquets, pinwocls, scrpenlilos, and fourbillions, spirals ! The Moulting Lava begins to squash out! - End of part one. COMIC SONG. The Parochial Reedle, MR. MULLET.. Live Injun on the Slack Wire. Live Injun, MR. MULLET. I Obligations on the Cornucopia Sto VERMICELLI. | Signor Vermicelli, MR. MULLET. In the course of the evening will bo an an exhibishun of Exhilerntin' Gass! upon a Lafiin Highhena. Laffin Highhena, MR. MULLER. PART TWO. Bey of Naples, 'luminated by Bangola ! Lites.—The laver gushes down. Through | the smoke is seen the city in a state of con flagration. The last family! "Wliar your parents ?" A red hot stono of eleven tuns woight falls onto 'em. The beorhoad cd father Tails scentless before a otnioo t De' numong! The Whole to conclude with a Grand Shakspearing ryroligneous display of Firctourxl Maroon Bulbs, changing to a spiral weel. wlch changes to the Star of our Union ; af" ter, to butiful p'nts of red lites ; to finish with bursting into a biilliant Prespiration ! During the performance a No.J of Popular Airs will be performed on the Scotch Fiddle and Bagpipes by a Real Highlander. Real Highlander, MR. MULLET. And boy making a muss, will be injected to-once. . As the Bankum Museum Is temperance, no drinkin' aloud ; but any one can find the best of tickers in thejSloon below. Admission 25 cents; childred on the usu al terms.— Knickerbocker Magazine. FOR GOSSIPS— The following paragraph which we find floating in the newspapers, lays it on the gossips with an unsparing hand. We think there are a few in our neighborhood whose characters aro minutely described by it, and of which it would be well rid . "The slanderous woman poisons the at mosphere of her entire neighborhood, and blasts the sanctities of a thousand homes with a single breath. From a woman of this class nothing is sacred; she fattens upon calumny and upon slaughtered reputations. She is the ghoul of eastern stories, transfer red from the Arabian Nights to the fireside circle. She never asserts anything—she merely hints, and supposes, and whispers what they say. Every neighborhood in the city is infested with some creature of this sort, and in Country towns they are even af flicted with two or three of the ghoul wo men. One is enough to set a hundred fami lies by the ears; two can break up a church! three are sufficient for any kind of mischief, from the separating the husband from his wife, to blasting the fame of a stainless girl. A pure woman is simply an angel embodied ir. kumun shape ; a slanderous woman is ■ometh ing worse than cholera—certainly aB infectious as the yellow fever. A. Clever Tarn. A story it told of Sully, the painter, a man distinguished for refinement of man ners as well as success in art. At a party ono evening, Sully was speaking of a belle, who was a great favorite— ' Ah,' said he, 'she has a mouth like an elophant!" 'Oh, oh, Mr. Sully, how can you bo so rude ?' 'Rude, ladies ! rude! what do you moan? I say she haß got a mouth like an elephant, because it is full of ivory 1" BP A fellow was doubting whether or not he should volunteer to fight the Mexi cans. One of the flags waved before his eyes hearing the inscription "Victory or Death," somewhat trocbled and discouraged hira. "Victory is a very good thing," said ho, "but why put it victory or death? Just put it," said he, "victory or cripple, and I'll go that." The Whig 6c Democratic Tartfls.-W'hlch | Was for the Good of the People f Many of our friends say that they do not understand the difference between the Whig Tariff of '42, and tho Democratic TarifT of 1846. We will endeavor to illustrato the ,fubjeot. The Whigs laid a small duly, or none on luxuries' or on the raw materials imported for the manufacturer ; but raised the taxes on articles required for daily con sumption by the poor. They rated different qualities of goods, at the same price per yard, and then laid the same duty on each, thus making the poor pay as much on the ! yard, of the coarse article, as the rich paid on the one. So of articles that were pur chased by measure, or weight; and they evon went so far as to " rate goods by tho pound, to exact more duty ol the poor. Tho following comparison of the dutios of '42 and '46 are taken from the Report of the | Secretary of the Treasury, made officially to Congress: Luxuries. Whig Tux. Dem. Tux. Champagne 12perct. 30 Burgundy 9 " 30 Maderia 5 " 30 Wilton carpets 23 " 30 Ladies gloves (French) 21 " 30 Gents do 13 " 30 Hkfs., fine silk 16 " 25 Velvets do 20 " 25 Brocades do 14 " 25 Silk & wool flan'ls (®lyd) 14 " 30 Furniture 30 " 40 Gems, precious stones 7j " 30 Jewelry 20 " 30 Necessaries of Life. Wine for sicknesses low prices • • 49 " 30 Allspice 120 '' 40 Ginger 53 " 40 Cinamon 61 " 40 I Hammers and sledges for blacksmiths • 52 " 30 I Plow chains 100 " 30 I Tailors and hatters irons 66 " 30 j Plain tumblers 137 " 30 i Coarse gloves for wagon ers and farmers - 80 " 30 Woman's imitation kid 70 " 30 Sugar 62 " 30 Cheap flannels 50 to 80 " 30 Crapes (cheap) 60 " 25 Pins 53 " 30 Cheap shirtings 95 " 30 | do Alpacas 50 " 25 Cables, cordage 120 " 25 I Wool, coarse 5 " 30 j Anvils 45 " 30 1 Cut spikes 168 " 30 Hoopiron 116 " 30 Whig newspapers, office-holdup" and e(- ' ftoe-Noekern, may try to raise a panic to af fect the public mind as to the tariff of '4B, which is correct in principle ; yet who can modify the details but a Democratic Con gress, for such it is for two years to come ? And is it not a shameful humbug to alarm the country for nothing, derange business, and keep up a delirium about what is mere moonshine ? Can it be that our farmers, mechanics, professional men, Sec., are to be alarmed and ruined, because the Demo crats lessened their taxes, as the above ta ble shows them to have been ? The great body of this nation is composed of farmers and planters, and mechanics, who want cheap goods, groceries, &c., in exchange for their producti or labor.—Now, who aro tho panic makers? Our farmers, &c? No. It is tho meddlesome demagogues in cities, i political partizans who want office, and whig editors whose heads are 'obfuscated' on the science of political economy, and it is not the hard-fisted yeomanry of the land who complain, and but a very few, even among prudent manufacturers. Are the farmers to complain because they get their ploughs anil axes at 30 per cent. 1 duly ? Because if they buy them from a broad, they pay 30 cents in the 100 for what they formorly paid 70 or 100' The domes tio manufacturer receives 30 per cent, on his fabrics more than he would receive; if he were to get them abroad; and the farmer pays that much more in proportion. Is it for this that the manufacturer expects to raise a panic among the farmers, and make them believe that the whole country is a bout to be ruined ? By placing a large variety of articles with in the power of the body of the people, we increase the general comfort and advanco the public prosperity.' Is it not curious to hear a 'poor mechanio defend tho Whig Bystem of imposing taxes ? What is the tariff but a tax? Every other tax is looked upon as a burden, and yet men talk as if it were a matter of rejoioing to pay Si more on a yard of cloth for a coat, byway of indirect tax than if they got it for a dollar less ! We formerly paid 2} cent tax on each pound of sugar, and sold here for 10 cents. Now, under the 30 per cent tariff, wo get as good sugar for 8 cents. Shall we go back, and take the Whig scale above or remain where we are? Our lathers fought against British taxa tion, whon placed on tea, without their con sent, and are we so heedless of our rights, that wo will let a few planters, or a few manufactures, fleece the millions of their all to build up a few Abbott Lawrence's, or king Biddle's, who, with chartered capital, can raiso or depress, at will, tho prico of food or tho wages of labor ? It is a ques tion of principle as well as of dollars or cents, and we leave the public to decide for themselves.— Wheeling Argus. 17 "Does your arm pain you, sir?" ask ed a lady of a gentleman who had seated himself near in a mixed assembly, and thrown his arm across the back of her chair and touched her neck. •'No,Miss, it don't but why do you ask?" "1 notioed it was out of place, that's all I" I The arm was removed. Troth and Right—God and onr Country. Advertise "Do you want business ? My friend, th? surest and best way to get it is'to advertise So said a retired merchant, the Other day, to a young man just commencing business, who was complaining of'a lack of trade.' And he was quite right. If a man wants bu siness let him advertise—and *s surely as the sunshine succeeds the stortß, so surely will business follow advertising. The eqpe rience of all who ever tried it thoroughly will attest this. It a man has a hundred ca ses of prints which he wishes to sell, yet knows not his customers, what is he to do ? Keep them boxed up and teli nebody o f his wishes? Of course he will bo no such fool- He will at once adopt some method of get ting the faot, that he has the goods and wish es to sell them, known amongt those who would be likely to buy. How will he do this ? He will not go personally, becauso while he is absent from his store, a trade may be lost—worth the whole profit on the prints ho wishes to sell. Ho will not send his clerk, because his services are worth more at home. He will not print hand-bills arul send them round, because not ono may tall into the hands of a buyer. None of these things will do if ha is a shrewd business man. He will in ono min ute write an advertisement, saying that ho has "on hand and for sale, 100 cases of prints suitable for the season, which will bo sold at a bargain ;" and for a couple of dol lars he gets it inserted in the paper of his choico half a dozen times or so ; with but little exponse and less trouble he tells his story to a thousand traders, who either do or may want the very article in question—what follows? What so natural as that by inform ing the demand where the article may be ob tained it will seek it there? It needs no more from us to those who have thoroughly tested the business of advertising, to con vince them of its utility. It is to to thoso who have as yet, not tried the experiment, that wo would speak. It is for their interest to investigate the subject,,aml profit by our advico, if they will.—Hundreds—yes thou sands, will still travel on in the beaten and worn out tract of the hundreds and thous ands who have gone before thorn, grumbling at their want of success in business, yet not making an effort in the right direction, to better their condition. Some few, those "ones of ,lhe thousands, prosperity ''is olten ascribed? to "fttflP—taking advan tage of every wind, however light, which shall urge onward their little trading craft towards the harbor of fortune—will take pains to tell of the goods he has for sale, and will sell them. Others will not spend tho breath it will cost, and will either make a long passage, or be wrecked and lose all to gether. Young man, or old, do you want business ? Advertise ! thoroughly and ef fectually ; and lor every dollar dollar you expend you will be rewarded ten fold.— Palmer's Register. "Female Extravagancies." It sccrns to bo generafly supposed that fe male reform in the subject of dress &c , (if reform it may be called) is of modern orig in : but in tho Gentleman's Magazine or Monthly Intelligencer, conducted by Sylva nus Urban, Gent., of July 1732, we find something which would seem to indicate that strong-minded women flourished even then. Hear what some conservative fogio of tho meridian of Greenwich, thinks of "Female Extravagancies." "H Bluntly complains to Mr. Spectator of a combinaion formed among the ladios, to supplant the men in some of the I'oroga lives. The Dutch Ladies first put ours upon the wearing concealed Breeches: and at the in stigation des dames Francoises they intended this summer to ride astride but for political reasons ono ot which was the Spanish Ar mada , laid it aside. In return the English Amazons have in troduced Romping among tho French, and advise the Dutch to an entire neglect of Fam ily affairs. In days of yore, for a Lady to dress and act like a woman was thought de oent. —T'other day I visited Slradella and found hor with a napkin tiod about hor head, her hands behind her, whistling the Neg gate Tunc, and trying in how many paces she could measure the room. At my being introduced, she turned upon her heel, shook mo by the hand, and saluted mo with "How do'st old Hal ? Hast breakfastod ? Will have Tea, Coffee or a dram of Nants ?" I choso Coffee. Here get a Pot immediately ; let the Groom bring the horses to the door, and see my Pistols are well primed " Nor will our Ladies stop here. 800 Brawney has receiv ed I/ive Letters from more than one; and Mr. Maidly has been rallied in two or three for Bashfulness. But it is a melancholy re flection that our Females are women at 12 or 13, men at 18, and very girls at 50 or 60. That Virtue, Religion, and Economy are now turned to Ridicule! and this is not only in the town, bu! amongst our Ladies ! where the double Entenurae, a thorough disregard for their Husbands and Children is so much tho mode, that I fear if it gets among the lower class of Females, tho Farmers will have the caro of the Dairy, as well as Hus bandry thrown on their hands." I"So, hero 1 am, between two tailors,' said a beau at a public table, where a couple of young tailors were seated, who had just began business for themselves. "True," was the reply, 'we are now be ginners, and can only afford to keep one goose between us." DESCRIPTIVE ELOQUENCE. "OUR COUNTRY, 'TIS OF THEE I" "Ma'am," said a free-spoken, warm-hear ted, enthusiastic, and a rather quizical sen of old Kentucky, whilst paying his devoirs to one of the famous lady tourists of America, "Ma'am, should have been bom in Ameri* ca, the greatest country in the known world. Naturo has clustered all her stupendous and dazzling works upon .this land, and you should be among them! We have got the greatest men, the finest women, the broad est Lakes, the tallest trees, the widest prai ries, the highest water-falls, and the biggest hearts in all creation. "Ma'am, go and see the falls of Niagara. My deal ma'am, if I didn't think I'd waked up in futurity, when I first seed that big slantendicular puddle ! (slantendicttlar's an algebra word, ma'am—you mayn't know it.) Why ma'am I could tell you something about them Falls—but you musn,t put it in your book, 'cos nobody will ever beliove it. The people that live around about there will loose their speech, end never hear each oth er speak for years, with the noise of the cat aract ! Fact, true as that's a pencil and a note-book you are taking out of yo'r pockot. Why, there was a man lived there ten years and he got so deef he never know a man was speaking to him till a pail of water was poured down the back of his neck ! When you go to sco the falls, ma'am, you must do all tho talking you want to before you get within twenty-fivo miles of them ; for after that not a word of any kind can bo heard ! "Then, ma'am, you should go and soe the groat cavo in Kentucky, where the bats bi bernaculate in countless millions. Thero is not such another hole in the ground to bo found upon the face of the earth. Ma'am if you go back to England without seeing our Mammoth Cave, you'll put your feet in it—no, beg your pardon excuse me—that's quite impossible: but you'll leave a big hole in your book you are going to write. There was no more end ever known to it, ma'am ; and thero is a salt water lake in the middle of it, twonty-five miles broad.—One of the rooms is called the "Antipodean Chamber," from the unpronounceable fact that a man can walk just as easy on the ceiling as upon the floor; and ill this apartment, there's a natural fountain of pure brandy ! The same cave too, is a cure for consumption ! "You haint been 'South yet, haW you, ma'am ? You haint seen the Mississippi river, and the city of Now Orleons? Well, ma'am Now Orleans is a hundred and twen. ty-five feet below the levoi of the sea, and the Mississippi runs through a canal bridge light over tho city ! The inhabitants are chiefly alligators and screach owls, the last words have been vulgarly preverted into Cre ols. Tho food is chiefly gum, produced from trees in the swamp, and which they call gumbo. There is a paper oalled the Pi caroon, the name being well chosen, signifi cant of its professed piraces upon Hunt's Philosophy, Baron Munchausen, the pil grim's Progress, Joe Miller, Washington Irv ing, and Bill's Lile in London. It is a vio lent and stupendous political print, and the Government of the country has endeavored in vain to suppross it. One of the peculiar marks about this extraordinary city, is tho entire absence of those small quadrapeds of genus most commonly known as rats. Ono was seen many years ago, by a citizan who brutally mutdered the unknown creature, but was immediate!)' tried and sentenced to be hung for the enormity. "You will hear, ma'am, a great deal about the "floating populatiou of New Orleans," a phrase which you will understand when I tell you that the town is half under inunda tion from the Mississippi ! You should have been born in America, my dear ma'- am, but as you were hot you may possibly die here, and that is some consolation to you." CP" It is somewhere related that two ship wrecked sailors clinging to the same planki were thrown upon the shore together. For. a while the poor fellows feared that they had escaped death on the water, only to meet it in a more terrible form on the laud. At length they espied, at a distance, some thing which bore the appoarance of an ar tificial structure. One of them ascended a hill, where he could gain a better view of the hopeful object. Calling back joyfully to his companion, said, "Thank Heaven, Jack ! Wo aro in a civilized land, here is a gallows!' 17 A dandy, remarking one summer day that the weather was so excessively hot that when he put his head in a basin of wat er it fairly boiled, received for reply, "then, sir, you have a calf's head soup at very lit tle expense. OF "I see you are in black ; aro you mourning for a friend ?" was propounded by one friend to another in the street the other day. "No, lam in mourning for my sins." "I nover heard that you had lost any," was the instant and keen reply. IF "What's that?" asked a schoolmaster pointing to the letter X. "It's Daddy's name." "No, you blockhead, it's X." "Tin't X neither, it's daddy's name, for I seed him write it many a time." 17 Said ono apprentico to another— "Bill," I'd much sooner work for my boss than your old man." "Why so!" Because my boss ain't always round the shop, inter foiing with his own business." A HOME PICTURE. BY FRANCES D. GAGE. Ben Fisher had finished his hard day's work, And he sat at his cottage door: H is good wife, Kate, sat by his side, And the moon-light danced on the floor; — The moon-light danced on the cottage floor, Her beams were clear ahd bright As when he and Kate, twelve years before, Talk'd love in her mellow light. Ben Fisher had never a pipe of clay, And never a dram drank he: So hfc|oved at home with his wife to stay, Ana they chatted right merrily; Right merrily chattod they on, the while Her babe slept on her breast; While the chubby rogue, with rosy smile, On his father's knee found rest. Ben told her how fast tho potatoes grew, And the corn in the lower field ; And the wheat on the hill was grown to seed, And promised a glorious yield : A glorious yield in the summer time, And his orchard was doing fair; His sheep and his stock were in their prime, His farm all in good repair. Kate said that her gaiden looked beautiful. Her fowls and her calves were fat; That the butter that Tommy that morning churned, •. Would buy him a Sunday hat; That Jenny .or Pa a new shirt had mado, And 'twas done too by the rule; That Neddy the garden could nicely spado; I And Ann was ahead at school. | Bon slowly raised his toil worn hand Thro' his locks of grayish brown— "l tell you, Kato, what 1 think," said he, "We're tho happiest folks in town." "I know," said Kato, "that we all woik hard- Work and hoalth go together, I've found ; For there's Mrs. Bolt does not work at all, And she's sick the whole year round." "They're worth their thousands, so people say, But I ne'er saw them happy yet , 'Twould not be me that would take their gold, % And live in a constant fret; * r My humble home has a light within, Mrs. Bell's gold fcould not buy, Six healthy children, a merry heart And a husbi nd's love-lit eye." I fancied a tear was in Ben's eye— The moon shone brighter and clearer, I could not toll why the man shuuld cry, But he hitched up to Kate still nearer; He lean'd his head on hor shoulder thero, And he took her hand in his— I guoss—(tho' I looked at the moon just then) lefPon her lips a twee. A WIFE IN TROUBLE. —"Pray tell mo, niy dear, what is the cause ot those tears ?" "Oh, such a disgrace!" "What disgrace ?" "Why, I have opened one of your letters, supposing It addressed to myself. • Certain ly it looked more like Mrs. than Mr." "Is that all! What harm can there be in a wife opening her husband's letters ?" "No harm in itself. But the contents. Such a disgrace!" "What! has any one dared to write me a letter unfit to be read by my wife* ?" 'O, no. It is couchod in the most chaste language. But the contents !" Here the wife buried her face in her hand, kerchief and commenced sobbing aloud, when the husband eagerly caught up the let ter and commenced reading the epistle that had been the means of nearly breaking his wife's heart. It was a bill from the Printer for nine years subscription. Eloqnence "But, as I said before, we have proved to you where that town line is. Yes, gentle men of the jury, there it is, and thero it will remain forever; and alt the ingenuity of my learned brother can never efface it—can never wash it out. No gentlemen ho may plant ono loot on the utmost verge of the outermost ring of the planet Saturn, and plant the other on Arcturus, and seize the Pleiades by tho hair and wring them till they are dry, but he cannot wash out that town line." CF A certain young clergyman, modest almost to bashfulness, was once askod by an apothecary of a contrary charactor, in a public and crowded assembly, and in a tone of voice to catch the attention of tho whole company— "How it happened that the patriarchs lived to such an extreme old age J" To which impertinent question he imme diately replied, "Perhaps they took no physic." IF To bo sold, a thrashing machine, in good working order. Has birch, cane and strap barrels.—Warranted to lick a school of filly boys in twenty minutes, distinguishes their offences into literary, moral and im pertinent. Only parted with bocause the owner has flogged all his own schools away, and his sons are too big to beat. Don't all speak at once! Bad Einphasis,- A certain preacher read from the pulpit with such an emphasis as to give it a stran gely ludicrpus effect; "Saddle me tho ass ;so they saddled Aim." The same man read a hymn in which he gave the word bears in the following couplet so that it seemed to his congregation a noun instead of a verb ! Ho takes young children in his arms, And in his bosom— bears. GF A man's weddiug day is called his "bridal day." The orthography of that word is wrong—it should be written bridle day. [Two Dollars per Annua, NUMBER 35. SCIENCE AND REVELATION. A vague report ia in circulation, which at tributes to the distinguished Pro fessor Agassi*, the expression of an opiuion' opposed to the generally received doctrine of the union of the human family, ffe is said to havo affirmed his belief that the differeu l races of mankind had, originally, a different parentage, and that this opinion did not con-' flict with the testimony of the Scriptures. On what gronnds either part of this Opinion was based, we have seen no account. The deliberate judgment of a naturalist so ertti nent and so candid as Professor Agassi* is nnderslood to be, is entitled to much respect, though it directly opposes authorities which' are, to say the least, quite as respectable and the general tendency of scientifia re searches of late years. It may lead to a new investigation of the whole subject, and aid in the discovery of what is the real truth. That truth when discovered may, or may not, conflict with our usual interpreta tion of the Scriptures; but of all persons in the world'no one should more earnestly de. sire, or be less afraid of, the discovery of truth, whether in science or religion, than the believer. In his firm faith that revela tion and nature are the products of the same Power, and that by no scrutiny of science, or reach of discovery, can any real discrep ancy between the teachings of the one and tho truths of tho other, ever be delecteJ, the Christian can aflbrd to abide the result if anybody can. ffe has less to foar, and more to hope for than any other ono ; whatever dismay the uufoldings of the vast book of knowledgo may bring to the infidel, he is sure to find in each successive page the tra ces of tho same finger that unerringly wrote for his consolation the sure words of Scrip ture. It is vary bad policy, as well as bad reli gion, to indulge any fear of the bearings of science lipon the truth of revclalion. The infidel has had his Iriumph repeatedly, but the jworld knows how short it has been. Ev ery step of progress into tho arcana of na ture has beon a triumph for Christianity, and there is not tho shadow of a reason to fear any other result for the future. Christianity is true, whatever else is true ; and we ought never to allow an issue to be formed which should involve the question of its trath. Science may disclose her new trulhs, but they will not make untrue anything that was true before. The discovery of a new truths does not destroy an old truth. What is true will forever remain true, whatevor else may be found true. And if there seems to arise a conflict between tho old truth and tho new, it will be found to bo only in appearance, if they both be really true. It is quite possi ble we do not rightly interpret the Bible in all respects ; and it is proper to accept an issne with tho man of science on the ground of interpretation, and safe to abide tho re sult. Geology has mado us read anew tho book of Genesis, with a mnch better and grander exegesis; and it is quite possible the progress of discovery and research may make other modifications of our interpreta tions. Perhaps the discoveries in the natu ral history of our race may compel us to a more critical study of the sacred text, to evolve a sonse mere in accordance with sci entific truth. But geology has made no an nouncements which conflict with revelation, but, on the contrary, has most strikingly con firmed its truth. And so would natural his* tory in the end, whatever its discoveries may prove to be confirm ail that the Scrip tures really say respecting our race. Wo tender no such issue to the infidel, as that if your philosophy or your science be proved true, our Bible falls. The Bible cannot pos sibly come in conflict with scionce. Our in terpretation of tho Bible may—for wo havo often to correct that; But the Bible as it real ly is, nover.— New York Evangelist. A Cool Operation- •'Hallo there, Canting!" said a brother Jonathan to a captain of a canal packet on the Erio Canal. "What do you charge for passage ?" "Three cents por mile, and boarded," said the captain. "Wal, I guoss I'll take passage, capting, seeing as how I am kinder give out walkm so far." "Accordingly he got on board just as the steward was ringing the bell for dinner. Jonathcn sat down and began to demol ish the "fixins" to the utter consternation of the captain, until he cleared the table of al l that was eatable, when he got up aud went on deck, picking his teeth very comfortable. "How far is it, capting, from here to where I camo aboard 1" ' "Nearly ono and a half miles," said the captain. "Let's see," said Jonathan, "that would be just four and a half conts; but never mind capting, I won't be small; here's five cents, which pays my fare up to here, I guess I'll go ashore now ; I'm kinder rested out." Tke captain vamosed for the cabin, and Jonathan went ashore. The captain did not take any more passengers the remainder of the Summer. BP A little girl asked her sister, 'what is chaos, that papa reads about 1" The older child replied, "why, it is a great pile of nothing, and no place to put it in." ty A woman offering to sign a deed, the Judge asked her whether her husband compelled her to sign 1 "He compel mp!" said the lady, "no, nor twenty, like him:'*