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THE STAR OF THE NORTH. :
W'. U. JACOB!', Proprielor.] VOLUME 10. ■STAR OF THE NORTH.I rCOLIBIIEO EVERY WEDNESDAY BY WM. D. JACOBY, 'Office on Mdin St., 3rd Square below Market, i TERMS .—TWO Holla rs per annum if paid j within six months from the time of subscrib- I 'ing: two dollars and filly cts. if not paid with- ! in the year. No subscription taken for a less J than six months; no discontinuance ] "permitted until all arrearages are paid, un-. Msa at the option of the editor. The tei ms <f advertising will he as follows : One square, twelve lines, three times, SI 00 Every subsequent insertion, 25 j .One square, three months 3 00 ! One year 8 00 I 1. I (Cl)oice TJoctrn. THE FIRST DISITPOLVIMEJIT, j ST MRS. 11. J. BKVEMDOI. I saw a youthful mo her, Once on a summer day, 'Eat down a smiling infant To watch its frolic play ; lis gambols on the flowers, Tnat decked the carpet o'er, And seemed with childish wonder, Each object to explore. A something on the instant lis glad career arresls, And earr.esly it gazes where A golden sunbeam rests; ' While on the now-found glory It fixed its wondering eyes, And tTustingly reached forth its hand •To seize the glittering prize. And now its tiny fingers clasp The treasure rich and rare, Which in its baby innocence It surely thought yvas there. But, ah ! that hand uncloses, And to its earnest gaze Reveals no gem of beauty— No bright imprisoned rays I And then the first of many tears Fell on the cherub face— The first sad disappointment In life's uncertain race! And thus it has been with us nil, Who its dark game has played— We've sought to grasp the sunshine, And only found the sliude. HUSBAND'S MISTAKES.—We make a great mistakes in our treatment of our wives ; as lovers we are worshipful, as hnshands we are too often bearish to them. We run into extremes each way. But why, after paying a woman the highest compliment we can, we are, when she lias accepted it, to constd- j er her exempt from the attentions due to her ! eex, we could never understand. Is it that ! familiarity breed.* contempt?" In th-tcasc ; he also should louse licr former exalted i , jopinion of us. Politeness, by its silken fet- ' ters, restrains many an evil feeling: it is a bail plan to throw them off entirely. We ; need noibe ceremonious as if with utter stran-1 gers, but we had better keep up our good manners; it pleases the wife, and does no i harm. Last year we would not have scold- j ed at her playing on the piano, nor told her, "she did not know what she was talking about;" why should we do it now ? At Jea6t, let us "school ourselves before folks;" there is no occasion to mortily her foolishly; women will better bear downright ill-usage than this kind of loweiing treatment. Let a man respocthis wile, treat her like a lady, • and she will most commonly act up to his •taudard. The woman who is constantly put down, becomes incapable, of acting for herself on an emergency; she lias no confi- ; dence in her own judgment; she distrusts yon by her irresolutions, or occasionally ob-. stinalely adheres to some ill advised line ol conduct because your continual opinionative contradictions have ceased to havo any weight with her. Once she learns to say, "Oh, when I propose anything, my husband will go on the contrary way," there is an end to your domestic comfort. I WANTED, A Live WOMAN.— Punchthuscx- 1 presses his distress at the disappearance of! woman from the face of the earth : "Thoaro no women nowadays. In stead of women, we have towering edifices of silk, lace and flowers. You see a mill iner's advertising van that slides along with a bustling sound, and you are told it is a woman ; but as you cannot approach within several yards of the monster obstruction, you cannot tell what it is beyond something that looks like an entire shop front nut iut-vl motion, withe" " il exposed for. wrtSle. I really believe if any showman would open an exhibition where one could , see a woman, such as wero women in my j younger days, when tliey used-bo fair, grace- | ful, well proportioned and everything that; was beautiful, instead of animated ward- j robes and unrecognizable bundles of fine , clothes that tliey now are—l really believe j that an enterprising showman like lliat would rapidly realize a largo fortuno. f5" At Portland, Mo., a cute Yankee ad vertised a lecture on the "Humbug of Spir itualism," the point of which would be i "letting flip cat out of the bag;" admission ! five cents only. A large audience gathered i at the City Hall, on Wednesday evening, j and the lecturer, after a few words on the i nature of humbug, took from beneath his i desk a bag, which he promptly opened, and i out sprang a teriluble eat I The audiancc, ' fortunately for the lecture, relished the-joke, ; and amid the burst of applause that follow- j ' •d, he let himself out of tho lecture room. 1 A HIGH SOURED BEGGAR.—The other day a lady gave a beggar woman a couple of pen nies. "Two cenls F' exclaimed she, "Take them back Miss—l asked for charity— 1 can't do anything with two cents." "My dear Madam," said the polite doner, "I hope you will keep the pennies and give them to same jwor parson " The beggar sloped ! BLOOMSBUJLG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA., WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 27, 1.858.' COLLEGE YAITYS. INITIATING A GREENY. i BY HARRV C . " 7here's something rotten in Denmark." I Among the nnmferous new arrivals in the fall of IBs—, was one whose uncouth ap pearance rendered him.the observed of all. | It was evident at a glance, that if j ious ma knew he was out, it was the first j time that she had allowed her maternal | fears to be overcome by the hope of seeing her darling rise to eminence among the dis tinguished literati of our glorious Union. Dressed in garments that reminded one of the antediluvian or some other equally old fogyislv>ge, with month agape, and eyes in a fine frenzy roily, Jacob A. with cau tious tread, noiselessly closed the iron gate ol D—Campus, where he fondly hoped to spend many happy days, and proceeded up the main avenue, gazing, wonder struck, at everything around him—particularly at lite "old uns," who, rapped in their capacious gowns, with meerschaum in mouth, and smooking cap of velvet, with its drooping tassel, jauntily perohed on one side of their mischief conceiving heads, either strolled along the many walks, or lounged lazily under the elms. Nor would it be amiss to s ate, that full as many curious glances were directed to onr Adonis. " Escaped from Barnum," said one of a group, as he passed. "Or a walking advertisment of Ilerr Dreisbach's" said another. " Perhaps the connecting link between man and the brute creation that naturalists speak of," exclaimed a third. "Or the 'Wandering Jew,' chorused a fourth. '•llarry," cried Nat G., bursting into my room, "1 want you to assist me in some sport. It will be fine." "llow do 1 know 1 I've only your word for it," answered I. "Confound your base insinuations. I'll forgive you though if you II help me. It is simply this—persuade that nonjescript, who arrived yesterday, to treat the crowd, or—" "What?" "Don't be impatient! Or squib him." "Good ! But do you see this ?" said I, holding up to his view a neatly bound vol ume in black. ' Kuhner, as I live ! that's to bad! Prof. morning ?" "Yes; and our fellows doij't like it. If thero is five who'll slay out, here am I." "The old reprobate ! Consign Kuhner and all his wise sayings to the oblivion they merit. I'm sure you can find five to shirk with you." "It is outrageous—and by all the powers ! I won't attend, whether the rest do or do not. Here, Kuhner, you plague of my life, lie there," said I, giving the history of Bal bus and his cotemporaries a toss under the bed, at the same time divesting myself of gown and slippers, and donning coat and boots. Looking around for Nat, there he was, composedly sitting on the side of the bed, with my brandy flask glued to his lips, as happy as could he. "Well, Nat, as you've forestalled mytHi vitation, 1 would iike a little 'elixir vilay if you have no objection." "Precious little you'll find," said Nat, smacking his lips and dawing a long breath. "Well, I might as well have emptied ray flask into a rat-hole." "Come, are you ready 1 You and Jim P. are to he the committee." "Get some one else. I havo not sufficient command of my risibilities." "No, you and Jeetns are the boys." Shortly after this conversation Jim P and myself proceeded to the west end basement, tho room of our victim. Rapping, "come ill." was heard uttered in a deep, sepulchral voice by Jacob. In wo marched, with faces as long as a sermon with twenty heads and an application, on a hot day, in a crowded church. Greeny not asking us to be seated, we coolly took our position on the sale of his bed. and opened our mission. The look or mam- astonishment on his countenance would have caused a smile on the face of a saint. He refused, point blank ; just what we wanted. Wo immediately commenced prepara tions, and at nine o'clock, in close file, we proceeded from Nat's room, our head quar tets, lo west end. Our band consisted ot Nat, Jim I'., Ned S , Gns IL, and myself Alter securing both door and windows from the out side, squibs were produced, and Gus inserted one in tho keyhole, while we stood in silence. * "The key is in the lock. What's to be done ?'•' whispered Gus. "Turn it with your knife, and shove it in," said Nod. ' That wculd make too much noiafl," said Jim. "I thought of this, and have brou^lta small auger," said Nat. "Here Harry, you use the augur, while Ned and 1 keep wuBH ut each corner, Jim will atteiid to the wiiiH ows, and Gus and you manage the door atuT squibs." I soon succeeded in boring two small holes without alarming our game.. "in with the squibs, Psh—sh—sh—ss squibs into the room. The smell arising from the burning quills and powder soon arousing the victim to a sense of consciousness. From the room catno a succession of grunts, coughfc spee fn, and divers indicative of &o>#i disturbance in the usual organs of the oc cupant. "Feed him on squibs, Gus. Let him feel liis oats." "Murder, fife,thieves, murder! Oh Lord, I shall die ! Oh, mother ! why did I leave you to bo burned alive by these college devils? Oh, Polly, you beautiful angel, you candle of my We, you'll never see your dear Jacob again ! Let me out! Fire, mur der ! Let me out or I'll hurt somebody!" "Will you treat?" "No." "More squibs." "Oh, Lord, have mercy upon a poor sin ner, a miserably wicked wretch! Now I lay me down 10 sleep. Our Father, who an in .heaven, please move the heart ol these ras cals! For Heaven's sake let me out! I'll tell the faculty ! I'll shoot! I'll tell my moth er ! Oh. gentlemen, let me out!" "Will you treat?" "No," came rather faintly to our listening ears. "Whish—sh—sh—ss." "Oh, mother, oh, Polly, your adorable Jacob is about to give up the ghost! Gen tlemen let me out! I'll not tell the faculty! I won't say anything to ma, and I'll treat!" "Do you promise on your honor as a gen tleman that you will ireat ?" said I. "Yes." "Will you swear by the powers of mud and mulberry roots? ' cried Nat. "Yes, yes, oh, yes." "Will you swear by the President's big toe?" said Jim. "Yes." "Will ynu lake an oath on a Dutch alma nac, and swear by the Battle Monument?" cried Gus. "My God, yes!" roared Jacob. "Will you swear on two crossed barber poles, a shoemaker's last, and three brass candlesticks, that, so help you Moses, you will treat ?" chorused Ned. "Yes ; but if you don't let mc out 1 shall dio" ■ The door was opened, and Jacob, more dead than alive, came forthi Without giving him breathing time lie was hurried off to M.'s restaurant, were he came to his senses, and protested, but of no use. Ilia memory was refreshed by tho use of the magical word squibs, and bo was reminded of the oaths he had taken. We ordered oysters end trimmings, and had a gopd time. Our "treasurer," refused to eat or diink with us, to which wo did not force him. But wo did make him pay the bill, lie was then dis missed with some wholesome advice, and we all retired to our rooms. Tho faculty made strenuous efforts to dis cover the perpetrators of the joke, but all in vainc, as before going out we wore all com pletely disguised.— Parlor Casket. '.-om years ago, atall, gtiant, knock kneed, red headed, cross eyed lloosicr, who was ahmiteroflheclassical Wabash,conceiv the idea ol'makh g a visit,to the liomeliis pro gemture in old Kuintuclf. lie did so—ranted round amongst the girls some, and was, of course, from his native impudenco and un earthly ugliness, llio "observed of all ob servers." One morning the whole neigh bood was astonished with the news that the ugly Hoosier had eloped with Mrs. B an amiable, good looking woman, wife of Mr. B. and mother of a half a dozen little B.'s.— For twojong years the disconsolate husband mourned over his untoward bereavement: at the end of that period, however, to his utter astonishment, in popped Mrs. 1!, look ing as bright and rosy as ever. After the first greeting was over the injured B. thus addressed his truant spouse : —"Nancy, how could you take up with that thar unairtlily ugly Hoosier, and leave mo and the ehi'dren all forlorn, as you did ?" "Well, Josh," said Nancy, "that (hair ugly criter from Indarany was a leetle the best whistler I ever hern tell on. You know I was always fond of good whistlin'—l used to think you could whistle soino.but neverhcerd whistlin'asis whistlin,' until I lieerd him. Ho whistled my senses clean away, and I folloreil him off on that account. A short tin!" ago, however, he caught the measles, and they spilt his whist lin' forever— tho charm was broken, and so I concluded to come back to you; but O Josh ! that Hoosier was tho nwfuilest whist ler that ever puckered 1" UP" An old toper bet that lie could, when blindfolded, tell each of several kinds of li quors When brandy, whi-key, gin and oilier drinks were presented to him, lie pro nounced correctly what they were. At .length a glass of pure water was given him; lie tasted it, paused, tasted it again, consider ed, and shook his head He at last said— "—Gentlemen I give it up, I am nut used to that sort of liquors. Cy If there is anything in a man which exhibits an entire want of self-respect, it is profanenesa. It is certainly no mark of a gentleman to swear profanely; (or the worth less and vile, ihe very dregs of society, do this; and very frequently they swear even lhan the well-dressed gentlemen. asesi and meanest of mankind often with as good a grace us the more re-1 F€?* We find the following in tho Morenci (Mich ) Journal: '' We have a devil in our office who has been at tljg business but about eight or nine months, and can set his eight thousand cms iu eight hours." Ho must be a devil and no mistake. AfVhy we know a regular "gradute" who says it Takes him more than eight hours to set one straight after quarrelling with her. Truth aud Right God and oar Country. Spelling. Probably the worst feature of composition, be it ever so poor as regards construction and sentiment, is the misspelling of common words. And however neatly written, how ever beautifully constructed, any place of composition may be, if, Here and there, a word may be found incorrectly spelled, it takes all the boautv away from both compo sition and penmanship. The most glowing language ever used, the most glowing lan guage ever used, the most inspifing senti ment ever uttered, "thoughts that breathe and words that burn," if written and incor rectly spelled, lose all their force, all their power to win and control, and make but a feeble impression on the reader. Spelling \ve all have to do with, more or less. Whether we read, or write, or talk, or only think, we must spelt our words. And it is just as easy to spell correctlyas incor rectly. Or, if not as easy,it is certainly far the best way. Attention while reading, close application to the spelling-book and frequent reference to the dictionary, will make any one a good speller. Inattention and care lessness in these respects will generally re sult in a poor knowledge of spelling. Spelling should certainly be considered a subject of importance \vith teachers. It should be their aim to inculcate in the schol ars a love of correct spelling. At any rate, they should call their attention to the impor tant words in their reading lessons. No teacher lias done his whole duty towards his scholars, who has suffered even one reading lesson to pass by without having been satisfied that every one in the class could spell every word correctly. This may be ascertained in various ways, according to the capacity and circumstances o. the class. It is not my intention here to demonstrate any plan. Each teacher can follow that which best suits his school. But do not let jour scholars become pooy-pellers through your neglect. If it be necessary that the scholars have thorough training while at school, that they become good spellers, is it not an absolute necssity—that the lonelier have a thorough practical knowledge, not only of spelling, but of ihe rules which govern spelling, uml of the pronunciation ol onr English words, a leat? Aild yet we often meet with teach ers who cannot spell somo of the simplest words of our language. Such teachers are sorely puzzled by having to refer lo the dic tionary, when called upon by a scholar to -pell a word. And is this as it should bo ? ' Is it right for any one to enter upon the duties connected with ] a teacher's lite without being fully qualified cd to meet all the demands made upon liini as well iu spelling asin mathematics, or any of the other branches?— Life Illustrated. Correct Statcnrnt. There is sound philosophy as well as good sense in in tho following extract which we make from the Allentown Democr.il. It | says:— "Whatever may be the result of Tuesday's election (and it is too early now to know how il has gone throughout the State.) there is one cuuse of felicitation to the Democra : cy, which must cause a glow of satisfaction j in the breast of every Democrat who has ! stood squarely up to the landmark ol tho ■ party; and that is,our old Democratic or ganization never for a moment lost sight of : its integrity or its devotion to the best inter ests of tho nation. No discarded ornbsolcte questions were wrung into tho canvass in order to operate upon tho prejudices of any class ; no intimidation of voters was prac ; tiscd by any Democrat having a large nurn ! ber of hands in his employ ; no attempt was made to attribute "the times" to politi cal causes. On the contrary, the Democrat-)' i went into jlie field honestly and fairly with her principles insoribeil upon her banner. ####### '•'Under ibis slate of facts, we believp the people have again sustained the banner of Democracy throughout the Commonwealth. But, should it perchanco bo otherwise— should the majority, in an evil hour, have decided in favor of Federalism, we have the ! consolation ol knowing that the old Demo cratic flag is untarnished by*dlsßSnor, atid that they who wrought the mischief must bo j its victims." Instructions lo n Jury. t Judges in this part of the world, are some times far from lucid iu their "charges;" and iu reality, quite as foggy though seldom as truthful, as his honor who addressed the patient twelve at the conclusion of a long trial somewhere "out west:" "If tho jury believe, from the evidence that tho plaintiff aud defendant were part ners in the grocery, mid that the plaiulift bought out tho defendant and gave his note for the interest, and thedel't. paid for the note bj' delivering to the plaintiff a cow, which he warranted 'not breaehy,' and the warranty was broken by reason bf the breachincss of the cow, and he drove the cow btiek and tendered her lo the defendant, but the de fendant refused to receive her, and the plain tiff took her home again, and put a heavy yoke or poko upon her, to prevent her from jumping the lerico, by reaßon of tho yoke, broke lit-t neck and died; and if the jury further bolievo that the defendant's interest iu the grocery was worth anything, the plaintiffs note was worthless, and the cow good for nothing either for milk or beer, then the jury must find out for themselves how they will decide the caso ; for the court if it understands itself, and it thinks it does, don't know how such a caso should be de cided." INDIAN SUMMER. There is a time, just when the frost Prepares to pave old Winter's way, When Aulumn. in a reverie lost, The mellow daytime dreams away ; When summer comes, in musing mind, To gaze once mote on hill and dell. To mark how many sheaves they bind, And see if all are ripened well. With balmy breath she whispers low, The dying flowers look up and give Their sweetest incense, ere they go, For her who made their beauties live. She enters 'neath tho woodland's sliude ; Her zephyrs left the lingering leaf, And bear it gently where are laid The loved and lost ones Of its grief. At last, old Autumn, rising, takes Again his sceptre and his throne ; With boisterous hand the tree he shakes, Intent on gathering all his own. Sweet Summer, sighing Hies the plain, Aud waiting Winter, gaunt and grim, Sees miser Autumn hoard his grain, Aud smiles lo think it's alt for him. To Dcvclopc a Alnn Physically. The editor of the New York Clipper , lias been visiting Morrissej - , and in his paper of this week gives the following account of the traing process under which it is hoped to bring the muscles of the prize fighter to the most perfect development. The free love short girls might ntul in this a remedy for the physical defects of their "affinities," if not a cure for their evil morals : Asthesystem#f training which he is now pursuing, differscousidcrably fromlhat which we have pteviotisly described, we give a brief abstract of it. He rises at £4 o'clock in the morning, and undergoes a cold bath, having a couple of pails of spring water pour ed over him, and well sponged with it He is then rubbed dry with coarse towels, and after dressing starts off on a three .mile walk, running an additional huff mile. Every oth er morning before thus setting off. he drinks a largo glass of the finest sherry, w.lh an ogg beaten up in it. On bis return lroin that appetite creating excursion, lie uses the skipping rope lor twe ty minutes, to exer cise and strengthen the muso'es of the ieg, and finishes with the dumb bells for"a quar ter of an hour. Eight o'clock has by this time arrived, and he goes to breakfast with an appetite by no means lessened by his morning's exercise. At this meal he par takes of a enp of tea arid a broiled mutton chop. After breakfast lie walks -A miles out to a house, where lie takes a glass of Murphy's tb.c old ale, and a crust of home baked bread. Returning, lie runs a roiie at the top of his speed, and on reaching his hotel is well rub bed down by his trainers. 110 then, after changing his dress, commences with the weight machine, and finishes the morning's work with'Tighling the hag." Dinner hour, one o'clock, has now arrived, and hero a large cut of sirloin of beef, or of mutton, awaits him varied occasionally with a broil ed chicken. lie is allowed but lit'.lo water, and after dinner he takes half a tumbler ol sherry, with a piece of dry toast. He then washes his face and hands iu a liquid pre pared by his trainer, the object of which is lo harden the flesh on these parts, lie now starts off on the afternoon's walk of eight or nine miles, returns, uses the bag for twenty minutes, anil is well rubbed down. He di versifies this routine by spurring with Shep erd, Lawrence or Burns, and using the weight machine. Tea at six o'clock, com prising a light broiled egg and a mutton chop or broiled chicken, and a single cup of tea. Afterwards lie takes a rest for an half an hour, and then amuses himself with rowing on the river for an hour or so. After again wash ing his hands and face in the liquid before mentioned, he imbibes half a glass of the sherry wine, ami eats a crust of sla'o bread before retireing for the evening, which, he does at eight o'clock, again to rise in tho morning anil pursue the same course of ex crcisoand dietetics. fT" Some persons, with apparent zeal, vindicate their friends from all their little peccadilloes, whitewash them very carefully and then knock them on the head by la menting their addiction to some gross im propriety. They aro somewhat like the Roman priests, who, when an ox was not completely white, chalked over the dark spots, and, leading hiin up to'the alter, dis patched lnm with a blow. CEP Iu one of our Western cities, a poet met a Iricnd of his tbu other day, from New York. "I am perfectly delighted to see you," said the artist, throwing his unn effec tionaajly around Iris friend's neck ; "how long are you going to slay?' ••! think," said the poet, "that 1 shall stay as long as my money lasts." ' Oh, how disappointed 1 am !" said the artist in a tone of deep sad ness ; "I hoped you were going lo spend a day or two." CfT" A grar.d jury out south ignored a bill against a negro for stealing cliickens, and before discharging him from custody, the Judge bade him stand reprimanded; he concluded as follows: " You may go now, John, but (shaking his finger at him) let mo warn you never to appear here again." John with delight beaming in his eyes, and with a broad grin, displaying a beautiful tow of ivory, replied : "I wouldn't bin here dis lime Judge, only de constable folch mo." CRT PETERSON'S DETECTOR.—The October number of this reliable counterfeit Detector contains a large list of new counterfeits, to gether with other useful matter. This De tector is particularly valuable for bankers, fi nances, and business men generally.- "Iccal Hems" of a Country Newspaper. 1 he Alleghany Valley Echo is a new pa per just s'arted at Emlenton, among the mountains in the Keystone State. The Edi tor saj-s lie shall not publish another paper for three weeks, as lie is obliged to look up some paper, ink, &c., at Pittsburg. His new record is comprehensive. We learn that 'Mhe river is very low and fish plenty. Next Monday will be the first day of our first fair, and from all appearnnecs it's going to be a first-rate show; there's to bo a "dy ing-horse,'.a 'rearing mule,'and a'tumbling jackass' on hand expressly for the benefit [ of the ladies, and 'Gum Davis is expected J to get drunk by the time glass G is attended i to. Our friends, Messrs Harrison, Morgan, and Harvey Sloan have been to a great deal of trouble ami expense in getting up a pat ent back action anti-terrestrial Petasus, that's going to fly clean over the flying-horse, and the sights and see'rs going to be on hand I on this occasion will undoubtedly crowd the enclosure. We shall give a full History of it in onr next Matrimony has been greatly on the increase for some time past, and af ter awhile something else will be on the in crease ; several jugs of Squire Murrain's Mountain Dew have left (own late'y. Some scoundrels broke into Mr. Gormley's cellar, got some fish oil instead of whiskey, left his garden gate open, and an old sow enter ed and cat up all his sour krout on the stalk. Warrcit money is now good, and John Forkcr's potatoes didn't turn out so well as | tliey might have done; there will bo an average crop generally. Ross Porter's oxen run oil last night, smashing down some eighty rods offence; 'singings' are very plenty, and a child was born up in the wil derness with a ring in its nose; the low stage of the river, aud the rise of candlo wick induces us to whittle our spliuters down to a point. Cash receipts of tho week filly cents aud a dime Irom Mr. John Mehr'.eu, and trouble and lorn trousers." A STEAM CONDK.NSKK.—A Board of Naval Engineers lias been ordered lo convene at Washington, for the purpose of examining a new condenser. 'The Board is composed of Enginecr-in-Chief Henry Hunt, J P. Whip ple, and Win. E. Everett. They are to meet at Washington at an early day. The steam condenser to be examined is that invented by James M Miller, Esq., and it is the same now used at the Navy Yard in Washington, where it has been for some two months.— In this period o;Vf rt inity lias been bad lor practically testing its merits. A great saving of fuel i< accomplished and the boilers have been used for cig'.t days without being re plenished with water. The water is return ed to the boilers by this condenser at 175° Fahrenheit, and at sea it prevents the in crustation of salt in the boilers, as tho water is supplied to them, through its agency, iu a pure state. Cy A Roman ecclesiastic, iu reply to whatever question might be proposed, began by saying, "I make a distinction " A car dinal having invited him to dine, proposed to derive some amusement for the company from the well-known peculiarity cfhisguest, haying to him that" ho had ail important question to propose. "Is it under any cir cumstances lawful to 1 aptize in soup ?" "I make a distinction," Said tho priest. "If you ask, is it lawful to baptize iu j'our ex cellency so I answer yes. If all the innumerable faults and for gotten faiths, and all the myriads of men who have contentedly died in their belief al ter having spent long lives in haling or per secuting those who disbelieved them, could at once be presented to our apprehension ami sight, what a lowering impression it would give of human reason, and how for cibly it would inculcate distrust of our own opinions and (delation towards those of oth ers. ty A gentleman was speaking the other day of the kindness of his friends in visiting lnm. One old aunt in particular, visiting twice a year and stayed six months each timd. ty It is in vain to stick your finger in the water, and pulling it out, look for a hole ; and equally vain to suppose that, however large a space you occupy, the world will miss you, when you die. iy ' Doctor, what do yon think is the cause of this frequent rush of blood lo my head ?" " Oh. it is nothing but an effort of Nature. Nature, you know, nbhou a vacuum. rff" Some writers think they ought to have tho favorable regard ol posterity be cause they bestow a great deal of labor up on works. But, il hardships are a good title to immortality, il often belongs much less to tho writer than to tho reader. or v onng ladies should not write poeti cal love letters. It is dangerous. Such a one was written to a Kentucky bean, not long since, which so effected him that he stole a horse to go and see the writter. and got in jail lo pay for getting iu love with a poetess. ty •' Take a ticket, sir, for the Widow and Orphans Fund of ihe Spike Society?" " Well y-e-a-s! don't care much though for the orphans, but I gees in strong for the widows /" cy " Old age is coming on me rapidly, j as the urchin said, when stealing apples from an old man's garden, he saw the own er coming, cowhide in hand. Cy We have just soon a wagon load of j sheep and calves pass our window with their j feet tied. Round for market, we presume. I [Two Dollars per An mm:. NUMBER 42- Hie Lawyer's Advice. " Soon afier I was admitted to the bar, I accidcnfly happend in tliecourt room during the trial of somo criminals. After being there a short time, a man was arrang ed, charged, with tire commission of the crime of horse stealing. He plead ed not guilty; and the court, finding that ho had no counsel, and that he was too poor to fee one, directed hie to de fend him. A jury wafe about to be e'rnpan neled, when I staled to the court that 1 knew nothing of the case, and desired an interview with my client. This was not only granted me, but the court permitted me to withdraw from the room with my clinent, and direct ed me to give him the best legal advice I could. We retired, and after the lapso of some minutes, I returned to the court room and took my seat in the bar. 'J'lre court ask ed me if 1 was ready. I replied that I was. But where is your client? said the Judge. I replied : Your Honor advised mo to give him the best advice I could, and on ascer taining from him that he was guilty, and that the prool was conclusive, 1 advised him to run and give the court a wide berth ; and if he lias faitiifnlly followed my advice he is now out of your jurisdiction." The sccno that followed must have been a laughable one, and shell our assers that it was. The bench was n'most paralyz ed with fear, and scarcely knew how to pro ceed, or v hut to do, whilo on the cot .item anco of every member of the bar, and spec tator present, there was a Etude of glee. Webster Matched by n Woman. In the somewhat famous case of Mrs. Bo gen's will, which was triad in the Supremo Court some years ago, Mr. Webster appear ed as counsellor for the appellant. Mrs Greeiiough, wileofßov. WilliamGreenough, la'.o of West Newton, a tall, straight, queen ly looking woman, with a keen black eye— a woman of grout self-possession and decis ion of character—was called to stand as it witness on the opposite side from Mr. Web ster Webster, at a glance, had tiro sagaci ty to forscc that her testimony, if it contain ed anything of importance, would have great weight with the court and jury. lie, there fore, resolved, if possible, to break her up. And when she answered to the first question put to her, '•! believe," Web'tcf roared out, '•We don't want to hear what you believe , we want to hear what you know !" Mrs. Greenough replied, "That's just what I was about to say, sir," and went on with her testimony. And notwithstanding his re peated efforts to ilisconsert her, she pursued the even tenor of her way, until Webster, becoming quite fearful of the result, arose, apparently in great agitation, and drawing out his large snuff-box, thrust his thumb anil linger to tho very bottom, and carrying the deep pinelt to boilt nostrils, drew it tip will a gusto ; and then extracting from his pock et a very largo handkerchief, which flowed to his feet as ho brought it to tire front, ho blew his nose with a report that rang dis tinct and loud through tire crowded hall Webster—"Airs. Greenough, was Mrs. Bod gen a neat woman?" Mrs. Greenough—"l cannot give you very full information as to that, sir; she had one dirty trick." Web ster—"What's that, ma'am ?" Mrs Green ough—"She took snuff!" The roar of ttio court house was such that the future Defen der of tiro Constitution subsided, and neith er rose norspokc again until Mrs. Greenough had vacated her chair (or another having ample time to reflect upon tho inglor ious history of the man who had a stone thrown on iris head by a woman.— HOSIGA Ledger. A Gouil Yarn Is told of Dr. Thompson, of Atlanta, a geti crous, good man, a tip top landlord and a wit; but he certainly caught it once. A i traveller called very late for breakfast; the ' meal was hurriedly prepared. Thompson, feeling that the "feed"' was not quite up to the mark, made all sorts of apologies all around the eater, who worked on in silence, , never raising his head beyond the affinitive I Influence ol his fork, or by any act acknow ledging even the presence of mine host This sulky demeanor rather "tloa'd" tho Doctor, who changing the rango of his bat tery, stuck l is thumb in his vest arm-holes, expanded his chest by robbing the room of halt its air, and said : 11 Now, mister, dod duru me if 1 haint made all the apology ne cessary, and more too, considering the break ' fast and who gets it, and now I tell you, I ► have seen dirtcr, worse cooked, worse tast ed, worse looking and smaller breakfasts than this is, several timos," Tho weary, hungry one meekly laid down his tools, swallowed the bite in transitu, placed tho palms of his hands together, and modestly , looking up at the vetted and fuming land j lord, shot him dead with tho words follow ing, viz :—"ls —what—you—say —true ?■'— "Yes, sir," came with a vindicative prompt ' ne3S. "Well, then, I'm blest, hoss, if you haint out travel/ci inc." There was posted iu the front door a small nigger, especially to tell the wayfaring mail, "datho didn't owe I ntiffin dar, eariiti sure." After lie was fairly ' under way, Thompson was observed croep- J ing from an attic window, taking a prolong ' ed rear view of the steed and his rider with a four foot telescope. It has been intimated that the Doctor hesitated many seconds be tween the choice of the glass and a double barreled shot gun. l v A drunken vagabond in New Orleans made a complaint that he had been struck by his wife with the poker. It is much mora likely that he was struck by the man with the poker.