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Frostburg Mining Journal.
J. B. ODER, Editor and Proprietor. TWELFTH YEAR. --NUMBER 2 Miscellaneous Advertisements. Stoves & Tinware IMFEI). JOHMSOX is Btill active . and doing a good business at No. 49 Main St., Frostburg, Where he sells the BEST STOVE In town. I refer to the well known “Ironsides!” Which has the largest oven and is the quickest baking stove in the market. I also manufacture and keep con slaully on hand the most substantial and very best Tinware! TO BE FOUND. Soliciting a call and an inspection of the superb New Ironsides Cook Stove and mv slock of tinware, I remain yours, Apr 9-y FRED. JOHNSON. Weight* and Measures. ARTICLE XXXII—REVISED CODE OP MARYLAND. 1. The standards for weights and meas ures in this State, except as otherwise pro vided in this article, shall be such as are used at the custom-house in the city of Baltimore. 2. The county commissioners of each County shall, except where otherwise di rected by local law, on or before the first day of May in eacli year, appoint some person as keeper of the standards of weights and measures, who shall safely keep and preserve the same, and when re quired, deliver them to the county commis sioners, or to such person as they may ap point to receive the same, and who shall perform the several duties prescribed by this article. 3. The person so appointed shall, before lie enters upon the duties of ins office, give bond to the county commissioners in the penal sum of five hundred dollars condi tioned for tlie faithful discharge of all the duties appertaining to his office. 4. All weights and measures used in this State in the vending ol articles, shall be inspected by the said standard keeper for the county, once in every year, under a penalty not exceeding twenty dollars, to be paid by the person owning or using the same, and when adjusted, shall be by the standard-keeper branded, marked, or stamped with the letters M. 8,, meaning thereby Maryland Standard, in such man ner and on such parts of such weights and measures as in his judgment will bo most lasting and effectual in preventing fraud ulent practices or impositions in the use thereof. 5. The weights and measures so exam ined, branded or stamped, and no other, shall be used within this Slate in the vending of such articles as are directed by law to be er are usually sold by weight or measure, under a penalty of twenty dol lars, and all articles sold within this State shall be sold by said weights and measures under the like penalty. C. All scale-beams used in the vending of articles in this Statu shall be inspected and stamped by the keeper of the stand ards of weights, ns weights are directed to bo stamped, and any person using scale beams in this State not stamped as herein directed, shall forfeit and pay a sum not exceeding twenty dollars lor each offence. 7. The keepers pf standards of weights and measures shall attend at the different markets, towns, and villages, in the coun ty, for which they shall respectively be appointed, at least once in each year, and at the different public inspecting waic houses in the said comities at least twice in eacli year, on some certain days to be appointed try the county commissioners, of which days public notice shall be given by advertisements inserted in some one or more newspapers in the counties in which there may be such paper printed, and also by advertisements set up at some conspic uous place in the said markets, wa. chouses, villages and towns, and shall inspect and adjust all beams and scales, weights and measures, used or intended to be used in the said county. 8. Eacli keeper of standards shall keep a book in which lie shall register the names of the persons whoso beams and scales, weights and measures, ho has ad justed, together with the d ry of the month and year, and the number and despr ption pf the same so adjusted, which book he shall submit to the luspeetion of the coun ty commissioners once in each, year, or oftener if required. 9. If any person shall neglect or refuse to have h.s beams and scales, weights and measures, inspected and adjusted as herein directed, when required to do so by the proper officer, he shall forfeit and pay live dollars for every day during such delin quency. 10. If any standard-keeper shall be in formed or have reason to suspect that any person is using, or has in his possession with a fraudulent intention, any false beams, scales or measures, he shall exam ine the same, and If he find them, or any Of them, to be false, ho shall seize the same as a forfeiture, and adjust and sell them at public auction,and sht.ll annually return a statement of the money received therefor under oath to the county com missioners. 11. If any weight or measure which shall have been branded or stumped ns herein required, shall bo broken, injured, altered or changed, or condemned by the standard-keeper, and shall be found there after in the use of eny person withl n this Stale, such person shall forfeit and pay twenty dollars for each offence. 12. Each standard-keeper '.ha ! receive such compensation lor the d'si lliargc of Ids duties astho county commissioners shall think proper to allow, which shall he levied on the assessable properly of Hie county and collected as other county charges. 13. Whenever any standard-keeper shall he applied to, to adjust scales, weights and measures, by addin'/ to or diminish ng the same, or to adjust scale-beams, he shall be al lowed an additional reasonable compensation theref or, to be paid by the party so applying fur hh services. 14. The cno-bnlf of all fines and forfeit ures imposed by the prcccdi.ng sections of tins article shall go to the *nformer, the other to the use of tbe county, amt in all suits therefor, the informer shall be a com petent witness. 15. Nothing contained in the preceding sections of this article shall apply to the city of liellluiorc, or to nay private house keeper not in trade or pursuing some kind ol iretcbendise as a business. * * * a a * July 1 K Iscellaneous Advertisements. DR. C. CV JACOBS, PRACTITIONER OF MEDICINE AND SURGERY OFFICE In Dr. Oelzendanncr’s late office, Broadway, Frostburg, Md. Oct 23-y 'wm°T CATARRH WHICH has withstood all treatment and if of twenty years standing please call at DR. RUHL’S OFFICE. tlTFees paid when cured. Nov 12-tf BRICK. WE arc now prepared to fttrnlsli an EXCELLENT QUALITY of BRICK IN ANY QUANTITY! ty Orders left with either JAMES H. WARD, at Borden Shaft, or ALBERT HOLLE, in Frostburg, Will Receive Prompt Attention July 22 1840 1883 Cunard Steamship Co., LIMITED, Between new York and Liv erpool, callingat Queenstown each way. Proposed sailings from Pier 40, North River, New York; Gallia Wednesday July 19 Servia “ “ 28 Scythia “ Aug. 2 Bothnia " “ 9 Parthia “ “10 Gallia “ “23 Servia “ “30 Scyihiau “ Sept. 0 Bothnia “ “ 13 Catalonia. ... " “ 20 Gallia “ “ 27 Servia “ Oct. 4 Scythia “ “ 11 Bothnia “ “ 18 Cabin passage, #Boandlsloo gold; Sterage, 838. THOS. G. PORTER, July 15 Frostburg. Md. THE CUMBERLAND Telephone Company. r pHE Cumberland Telephone Company 1 herewith present to the patrons a cor rected fist of subscribers to tiro Exchange. In doing this we return our sincere thanks for the encouragement given the enterprise by our subscribers and the gen eral public ' Our aim has been to give effi cient service and we shall endeavor to merit their patronage in the future: Adams Express Millman, P X Allen, W T Maryland Coal Co American Coal Co Mtl bo'land Jas A Ballzell A Rottss Marean, E Beall, H A & Co McKaig’s Foundry Beall, Mrs Win R McKaig’s Law olHcc B and () Express Morgan, T P B and O Freight Magruder, Dr O W Boyd, A Hunter New Central Coal Co Bruce, Dr C H Noon, P Brace A Richmond Orrick, J C & Son Brady’s Mills Ohr, Dr C H Bruce, Dr .1 J O’Donnell, J B Bruce, W-Uev. ottlcePanl’s Foundry ilrandlcr, J N M Paul, T 11, Frostburg Blaltau, John A Pcnu'a R B in Md Beall, Bausb ACo Postcffiec (Prostbnrg) Porter, Dr H Virgil Beall, F C, FrosthurgPorter, Dr H V, res Campbell, W P A CoPrico A Willisou City Hal! Price, W M Cook's Mill Pompey Smash (pub- Court House lie station) Coulchan Bros Percy, D G, Frost’rg Coulchan, JA T Payne A Co, Prost’rg Consolidation Coal Rawlings Station Co office Rtdgcley.Chas Consolidation Coal Hohrcr, LD, office Co wharf Rohrer, L 11, mill CA O Canal office Rawlings, G M Cumbe’anuOcmentCoßouudliouse G C A C Dally News Ryland, A J Daily Times Ryan, J, Lonaconiug Dixon, John T Ruyan, D Daughtrey.P IIA Coßyan A Bro, Pekin Darrow A Co Banders, John W Eve, ED Sunder, J W, res Fronhiser A Co Bcmmes, R T A Co Farrell, Mrs M Seay, C A Flursbutz, HU F Second Nat Bank Flury A Son Sliiuholt, J W Frostburg Exchange Shnver, E T Fulton, .1 AA Co Spinr, Dr JAV Gordon A Son Sloan,!) W C ramlich, F M Sloan A Sloan, Ocean Gaffney, j P St Nicuolns Hotel Gas office StPelerAPaais Ch’ch Gas Works St Thomas Hospital Gaskcll A Evcrstiuo Splndlcr, Lewis Hast, John T Schmitt, Rev V F Healey, Dr Thos M Fr- 'Stbttrg Hein A Co Sloan A Co, Lonaco’g Hein, P Sloan A Co, Ocean Henderson, Geo, jr Tliruston, Mrs G A Uelzol, C F Tllgbman, 1' L Humbird A Co Trieber, H M Hall’s, (public office) T iylor, T B, res Hadra, Eiwnrd W U Telegraph office Hager, James Water works Johnson, RD, res Welsh, e. IT Johnson, JS Weir, Capt John Ladew, A D Wills Creek Tannery Landwehr, Geo D Wiesel, J P Lavtu A Co WkUuer, J B Lear, D 11 Wilson, Dr LB Lowndes, Lloyd, jr Weber, Henry Lynn, David Weber, 11, farm Lichtenstein, 8 Wiley, Dr W W Lonacouing Exch’geYoung, Chas A Sou TERMS. Special line within half mile of Ex change, $4.17 per month. Each addition al hall mile sl6 extra per annum. Messages to Lonaconiug, Frostburg and Pompey Smash, 15 cents. Message and answer, 25 cents. JOHN A. BLATTAU, Superintendent. Edwin D. Eve, Manager. independent paper. FROSTBURG, MD., SATURDAY MORNING Miscellaneous Advertisements. IVsofeU 5 Mr. Albeit Kingsbury, Keene, N. H., troubled with had humor on hands and neck, caused by lead poisoning. (He’s a painter.) At times it would break out crack open, and the skin separate from the flesh in ’urge pieces, suffering great contin ual itching and stinging. Purchased your remedies; used Cuticura Resolvent in ternally, and CtmcntiA ami Cuticura Soae externally, and in less than three months eliccted a complete cure, and has not been troubled since. Corroborated by Bullard A Foster, Druggists, Keene, N. H. Moilicr Died From It. J. W. Adams,Newark,Ohio, says: “Cn ticura Remedies are the greatest medicines on earth. Had the worst case salt menm in this county. .My mother had it twenty years, and in fact died from it. I believe Cuticura would hir'C saved her life. My arms, breast and bead wore covered for three years, which nothing relieved or cured until I used the Cuticura Resolvent (blood purifier) internally, and Cuticura Soap externally. Pssrluh 11. E. Carpenter, Esq., Henderson, N Y., cured of Psoriasis or Leprosy, of twenty years’ standing, by the Cuticura Resol vent Intel aally, and Cuticura and Cuti cuba Soap externally. The most wonder ful case on record. Cure certified to before a. justice of the peace and prominent citi zens. All afflicted with itching and scaly diseases should send to us for this testimo nial in fud. Suit Itlienm. Those who have experienced the tor ments of Salt Rheum can appreciate tbe agony 1 endured for years, until cured by the Cuticura Resolvent internally and Cuticura and Cuticura Soap externally. Mrs. WM. PELLINGTON, Sharon, Wis. Cuticura and Cuticura Soap externally amt Cuti cura Resolvent internally will positively cure eviry species of Humor, from n Com mon Pimple to Scrofula. Price of Cuti- CURA, small boxes, 50c; large boxes, sl. Cuticura Resolvent, .■#! per bottle. Cu ticuua Soap, 25c. Cuticura Shavinu i Soap, 15c. Sold by all druggists. Depot : WEEKS A PO TTER, Boston, Mass. CATARRH Sanford’s Radical Cure. A single dose instantly relieves the most violent Sneezing or Ilenil Colds, clears tbe head as by magic, stops watery discharges from the nose and eyes, prevents ringing noises in the head, cures Nervous Head ache and subdues Chills and Fever. In Chronic Catarrh it cleanses the nasal pas sages of foul mucus, restores the senses of smell, taste nml hearing when affected, frees the head, throat and bronchial tubes of offensive matter, sweetens and purifies the breath, stops the cotig i and arrests the progress of catarrh towards consumption. One bottle Radical Cure, one box Catar rhal Solvent and Sanford’s Inhaler, all in one package, of all druggists for sl. Ask for Sanford’s Radical Cure. WEEKS A POTTER, Sept 2-1 m Boston. J Rt_, 100 Times More Ef d/I/ & fectual than any oth 2-v 5 kt/yi A er plaster or electric “’-Sa”battcrv for pain and weakness of the Lungs, / £sm}~ Liver. Kidneys and Uri- USSS - nary organs, Partial Pa- ASTE-p J ralysis, - Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Hysteria, Female Weakness, Nervous Pains and Weaknesses, Malaria and Fever And Ague. Price 35c. Sold everywhere. [Sept 2-1 m -A-LL-A-IST LUSTS STEAM BETWEEN IIALTIIIUHEALIVEKPOOL Calling at HALIFAX and QUEENSTOWN. Each way. The splendid Screw Steamers of the above Line will run as follows-. From Tons. Baltimore HIBERNIAN, - 3000 Tuesday, Aug 8 AUSTRIAN, - - 3000 “ “ 22 NOVA SCOTIAN, 8300 “ Sept 5 HIBERNIAN, - 3000 “ “ 19 AUSTRIAN, - 3000 “ Oct 3 NOVA SCOTIAN, 3300 “ “ 17 And thereafter every fort-night. All steamets are appointed to leave Bal timore at 9 a. m., on their advertised dates. Steerage Passage to or from Liverpool Londonderry, Glasgow , Queenstown, Bel fast, Bristol, Cardiff, Ac., at Lowest Rate. Very best accommodations (or Steerage anil Intermediate Passengers. An experienced surgeon 1 s attached to each vessel. Intermediate and Steerage steward esses carried by each steamer for the pur pose of attending to the wauls of the fe males and children. For further particu lars or passage tickets to ami from Great Britain, apply to A. SCHUMACHER A CO.,Baltimore; or in Frostburg to J.JANDORF, Aug 12 v Main Siren' NOTICE 'VJ’ OTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN THAT Li the Male and 4 iniuly 'S axes Tor 1883 are now due and payable, and that a discount ol 5 per tent, will be al lowed on all taxes paid before the Ist day of September; 4 per cent, on ail paid dur ing September, and :t per tent, during October. No discount after that date will be allowed. Office at my store, whore I will he found every day for the purpose of receiving the same. JOHN .1. KELLER, J uly 8 Collector Sd District. JWwt September. Since August glided past her languid spell Upon the mount and in the shadowed doll Still holds Its mystic sway ; while fern tops Icau And strive to catch bright sunbeams through the screen Of gayly-nodding boughs and waving leaves, That linger for the time ot harvest sheaves. Over the rugged boulder, harsh and gray, The clematis has thrown its twining sp r ay, And from the clasping arms there falls A lovely wreath of oluetcied fairy balls, Woodbine and ivy climb the supple trees, That hold and shield them from the pass ing breeze. Just touched witli amethyst the wild grapes gleam From out grecn-cuttained vistas; a soft dream Of early autumn stillness broods around ; A gentle charm that checks each careless sound, Even the swect-voiced birds their songs forbear — Naught breaks the quiet of the ambient air. This is the rest of Nature, ere she cast Abroad her colois; holding till the last Her fairest. Then the firo from autumn’s breath Site covers with the amber hues of death, And draws with loving band and touch most light Above them all her drapery of white. ipgttllimtr. □b Urother Gardner oh Drunkenness "Am Bruddcr Abraham Soott in de hall dio evenin’ ?" inquired the Presi dent, as he looked down the aisles. "Yes, sah,” answered a voice from the northwest corner. “Den please step dis way." Brother Soott scuffled forward, his head down, and his countenance be trayingabout seventeen different emo tions, and, as he reached the mark, the President continued : “Brudder Scott, in gwins ober to de old man Johnson's las’ nite to borrow a hunk o’ butter for breakfast, 1 dis covered some one lyin’ on de side walk, My first thought was to yell murder. My next thought was to smell of his href. Dat settled de case of de drunk. I turned de subjeok ober to git a good look at his face, and who d'ye spose it was ?” Brudder Scott gazed straight at a bust of Venus, and had nothing to say. "It was Brudder Scott,” whispered the President, “Although two of his children am bare’fut, his wife needs cloze, an’ ho hasn’t a dozen taters in the house, he has taken good money from his pocket an’ paid it out fur bad whisky. He wasn’t a man when I found him. He was a bog ! 1 could smell his bref six feet away an’ it would have made a dog sick. Ho had lost his hat, rolled in de slush, and den fallen into a stuporish r sleep. I got help and toted him home, an’ to night he comes to dis mootin' to have a wote among men who works hard, respeck themselves and lib sober lives.” “Ize sorry, sah.” “No doubt of it, but dat am no de fense. A fool excites pity, kasa God made him dat way. A lunatic draws sympathy kasa he has met wid mis fortune. A drunkard arouses nuffin’ but contempt. Ho delibertly goes at it to make a brute of hisself.' You had herd me speak of dis matter on seberal prevous occasions, an' you know how de majority of dis club feels on de subjeok. In de las two months you have been found drunk fo’ times." "Yes, sah ; but I'll quit.” "I hope you will, but I doubt it. You had eberything to lose gettin’ drunk de fust time. You have lost character, respect, money and stand in', and dar’s leetle hope dat you will sea any reason to quit. We kin guard agin thieves by lockin’ up our money. We kin expose de liar an’ kiver him wid confusion. But de drunkard — de hog—de beast—who can trust him ? Who kin believe him? Who wants his society ? Who am not degraded by walking beside lum ? Brudder Soott, you am a bouuued mr.n ! Your name will be mossed from our rolls; you will be refused adnrssioti heah, an’ we shall forget dat you eber num bered wid us. Let us now attack de reg'lar order ob busmess. "Neveii swear before ladies,” says a. pieacher. What are wo to do? Wait until the ladies swear first and then swear after then} ? An tally re * ply solicited. , SEPTEMBER 23, 1882. Unexpectedly Docked, At a certain factory in Fall River, where there are a number ol young ladies employed, it was determined on their rart to to present their em ployer with an album and a large family bible as a testimonial of their regard for him. The money was col lected and tbe articles purchased. On the appointed afternoon the girls assembled at the office of their em ployer, and in a neat speech presented him with their offering. The recipi ent accepted the gifts and thanked the givers in a few choice words. After conversing some time the over seer glanced at the clock and said : “Girls, I think you had better go back to your work now ; you have lost three-quarters of an hour al ready 1" The girls were taken aback and, feeling much disconcerted, went back to their work, but greater was their surprise and chagrin when the next pay-day came round to find that the overseer had “docked" every one of them for the time lost in making the presentation.—Worcester (Mass.) Spy Negro Philosophy . What is on de outside of man is de straw, but what is on de inside is de grain. It’s ebery nigger’s duty to be bap tized. Even if he ain’t got faith de water’ll do him good. Doan jedge by de actions. A ’pos sum is a mighty big hipocrit, but he s powerful good meat. Dar can be slob a thing as too much economy. It’s a little dose of calo mel dat salivates a man. My idea of the better world is whar dar is a election goin’ on all de time, cause Jen de white folks isallers per light. It may be possible fur a man what doan like musto ter git to heben, but dinged ef I can see what business he'll hab dar. Tears is sometimes caused from a hardenin’ ob de heart as well as soft enin’. I’se cried like a child when Ize been mad. May Yet Be a ’Squire.—Yester day a man entered the governor’s of fice and, approaching the chief exec utive, asked : “How much do you pay for wolf scalps now ?” “I don’t pay anything for them 1" "You don’t?" “No, sir, I don't I" “That is strange; I thought yon bought all you could find." “You might dispose of them by ta king them to a justice of the peace." “Aint you the justice of the peace ?" “No, sir, I am tbe governor.” “Well, by George, I've made a mis take. I thought you was a 'squire. But you can’t always tell by looks. Why, you are a very fair-looking sort of a fellow—plenty good-looking to be a ’squire. And you are only a governor ? Don't be discouraged, though. You may baa 'squire some day." Choice Extracts from Druggists. —“We know the value of malt, hops, quinine bark and asparagus compos ing Malt Bitters.” "Best kidney medicine on our shelves." “Our lady customers, highly praise them." "Physicians prescribe them in this town." “The largest bottle and best medi cine." “Our best people take Malt Bitters. “Sure cure for chills and liver diseases.” Kind Employer.—Mose Schattm berg, the Austin avenue merchant, is strict in regard to the personal ap pearance of his salesmen. He is very much opposed to his salesmen wearing moustaches, and when one of them applied to him for permission to raise a moustache, he said : “Dot vos all right; you shust raise so much viskers as you tarn please, so long as you don't wear ’em in the store during pishness horns." “Come in and join me," said Colo nel Yerger to Hostetler McGinnis, as they happened to meet. “Cau’t think of it, Colonel.” “Why not ?" "Weil, I’ve already had as much as is good for me, aud besides 1 swote off last wetk." “Have you,’ asked the judge of a convicted man, “anything to offer the court before sentence is paiaed ? “No, your honor, my lawyer look my last cent." Burdette's Juvenile Days. Unpublished page from the life of George Washington. It is the merry summer time. To him the mother of the father of his country ; "George, dear, where have you been since school was dismissed ?” "Hain't been nowhere, ma." “Did you come straight home from school, George ?" "Yes, ma'am!’’ “But school is dismissed at 3 o’clock, and now it is half-past 5. How does that come ?" “Got kep’ in." “What for?" “Missed m’ joggrafy less’n." "But your teacher was here only an hour ago, and said you had'nt been to sohool all day.” "Got kep’ in yestiddy, then." “George, why were you not at sohool to-day 7" “Forgot. Thought all the time it Was Saturday." “Don’t stand on one side of your foot in that manner. Come here to me. George, you have been swim ming.” “No'me." “Yes you have, George. Haven't you ?” “N o a p.” “Tell your mother, George." "N u c k." “Then what makes your hair so wet, my son ?” “Sweat. I run so fast cornin’ from school.” “But your shirt is wrong side out.” "Put it on that way when I got up this morning for luck. Always win when yon play for keeps if your shirt is on inside cut." "And you haven’t the right sleeve of your shirt on your ana at all, Georgo, and there is a hard knot tied in it. How did that come there 7" “Bill Fairfax tied it when I wasn't lookin’.” “But what were you doing with your shirt off?" "Didn't have it off. He jes took'n tied that knot in there when it was on me.” “George 1” “That’s honest truth, he did." About that time the noble Bushrod came along with a skate strap, and we draw a veil over the dreadful scene, merely remarking that boys do not seem to change so much as men. A Breaclsmcnt of Trust, “Is dis do place whar yer oum when yer wanster fetch a suit agin a pus son ?” asked a colored man entering a Little Rock lawyer's office. "Yes," answered the lawyer, "bunching” a lot of papers and turn ing his chair around with a screak. “Wall, I wanster to fetch a suit agin a ’ooman for breachment of trust” “The woman deceived you, did she ?” “Powerful, sah.” “Promised to marry you and then failed ?’’ “O, no, sah; she married me, but she’s dun lit out wid a yaller man what uster sweep out de ohu'oh. Now I wanter sue for a breachment to fetch her back, wid a clause put in what’ll gin me de right ter shoot de yaller man. Can't do it, yer say ? Den what sort of a constitution is dis country got anyhow ? Ver say dat I could hab sued de 'ooman for a breachment ef she had not married me? Dat’s all right. I don’t want nuthin ter do wid a law what pertecks a man till he’s married and den lets him take his chances. I hope I'll be pizened de naizt time I votes fur a white man nohow.” Latest from the Seat of War. I am dying, Egypt, dying, or at least I ought to be; I wish your biggest pyramid would settle down on me; I’m all broke up, indeed I am ; this bttti ness doesn’t pay, And now I’m off'; I’m going west; Yours, Arabi, kx-Bet. Parents who allow their children to grow up W'th scrofulous humors bursting from every pore are guilty of a great wrong. Think of them pointed out as branded with a loath some disease, and you will readily procure them tbe Cuticura Remedies. A New Haven lady refuses to per mit her daughter to go away on a visit. Last time she visited she came home and insisted upon eating with her f uk and having an extra plate for her fiie. Why is a blacksmith supposed to be a disconsolate man 7 Because he is always either on a strike or else blowing. $1.50 per annum-in advance. WHOLE NUMBER, 574 It ia pro[ osed to change the name of Paoll station on the Pennsylvania railroad to ‘‘Dyffrn Mawr." We shouyld lyke to heawr a conduotwr cawll ouft the new name, firynstynce, A citizen of Dakota took a Turk ish bath in Omaha a few days ago and died within an hour. The verdict of the jury was: "He hadn't ought to got so much mud off him at one time." A retiring Pennsylvania editor spcako of spending “the balance of bis days." If all the other editors who say balance when they mean remain der would retire, the English lan guage would soon be out of the hospital. A Vaeied Performance.— Many wonder how Faiker’s Ginger Tonic can perform such varied cures, think ing it essence of ginger, when in fact it is made from many valuable medi cines which act beneficially on every diseased organ. An eminent chemist has discovered traces of alchohol in good spring water. That explains it I There's another mystery cleared. We've been wondering for years how we got the impression that our honest milkman was serving us with milk punch every day. The Aldine coal company's powder magazine, near their works, a few miles from Wilkesbarre, Pa., exploded Tuesday morning with a terrific re port that was heard for miles around the country. There was no loss of life. The cause of the explosion is unknown. A little boy whose parents are always moving from one Louse to an other, was asked by the Sunday school teacher . "Why did the Israelites move out of Egypt?” “Because they couldn't pay their rent," was the reply. “Man and wife are one, are they ?” said she. “Yes ; what of it?” asked he, sus piciously. “Why, in that case," said his wife, "I came home awfully tipsy last night and feel terribly ashamed of myselt this morning.” He said not a word. Heat in the Comstock, —At Deep Hole, on the Honey Lake road, it is said, the thermometer stands regular ly at 110 degrees in the shade. We do not kuow how deep'said hole miy be, but there are some holes here on the Comstock where the thermometer stands at 120 degrees in the shade all the time.—Virginia (Nev.) Enter prise. Statistics show a large increase in the number of immigrants settling in Texas. This is due in large part to the wise policy of the Southwest ern roads. In order to induce immi gration into the interior of Texas the railroads are carrying immigrants to any point in the State without extra fate. That is to say, it costa no more to go to an interior settlement than to Galveston. A man in lowa invented a new fas tening for horse-collars. It is likely that the horse's collar does not fasten to a button in the back of his shirt, because if it did, judging from human experience, when it llew off after he had broken his thumb-nail trying to crowd it into a new button-hole, he would jast kick the stuffing out of anything he was hitched to, even if it waa a freight car. Food for Young and Old. —Food and medicine for young and old, pre pared without fermentation, from Canadian Barley, Malt, Hops, Qui nine, Bark, etc. Malt Bitters are warranted more nourishing, strength ening, vitalizing and purifying, by reason of their richness iu bono and muscle producing material than all other forms of malt or medicine, while iree from the objections urged against malt liquors. Banish the pagan thought that reft iu a concession to human weakness, or that one must be weary before he has a right to rest. Resting is divine. It is a condition of growth, of well-being, of faithful work. The mind does its best work when it seems to be doing nothing. American thinkers have yet to learn the art of Oriental medi tation. We force all our flowers and fruits; those are most fragrant and sweetest which grow naturally and spontaneously. The mind is not a horse, to do its best in harness ; it is a bird and does ils best iu freedom. Christian Union.