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New York dispatch. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1863-1899, October 06, 1872, Image 4

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The Whipping Question. — Corres
pondence relative to the whipping of young ladies in
English boarding-schools continues to pour in upon us
from all quarters, and as the subject is one which ap
pears to have excited great interest, we will endeavor to
give all parties a fair hearing. An American Mother
writes as follows:
“ I have not enjoyed my usual satisfaction in the read
ing of your paper to-day. Bei ig a sensitive woman,
andpossewfucr a heart, I cannot read of the atrocities such
as a correspondent signing herself Octavia admits that
she has been guilty of in whipping young women, with
out horror. All that I have got to say is, that such
fiends in human shave who endorse her treatment of
scholars are not women, but beasts oi low. prurient halite.
They are worse than animals, tor an animal could not
be so vulgar in description. Any mother who could
allow such a coarse, vulgar-minded, cruel, nasty wretch
(no other word will express it) to treat pure, sensitive
natures, or .any nature, in such away, ought to be an
nihilated. The humiliation of kneeling and kissing the
rod could only make hypocrites of them, inasmuch as
their inmost souls must have been tilled with the bit
terest hatred and revenge towards such a monster. 1
have no doubt that to this day those ex-pupils faces
burn with indignation, and their hearts swell with anger
and revenge whenever they think of the treatment re
ceived. I think a woman’s delicacy must have become
very callous, in fact obliterated, who could treat her
own flesh and blood in such a manner, let alone allow
ing a cold-blooded hireling to inflict scars on tne soul of
that which God has given us to love and protect, bo 1
say down on your knees, Octavia, and ask God to forgive
you, now is your time to khs the rod if you ever expect
to boa follower of the meek and lowly Jesus. And we
must remember that he is love and rules by love. The
days of the inquisition and torture chamber are past.
‘Christ rei?neth, let the earth be glad.’ England and
the English poeple have always been proverbial for
cruelties. Down with monarchies, say I.”
Corporal, who, by the way, was the first to call atten
tion to this subject, writes as follows:
“ Having just load the very entertaining letter of Mar
garet, I thought it strange you should .still t .ink cor
poral punishment—as relating to young ladies and
misses—in English schools, the exception, and not the
rule. Perhaps you. as well as Margaret, wonder how l—
of my own i;npwiedge—assert that, in my opinion, it is
the opposite, i. c., the rule, and not the exception; but
my opinion is 1 ased upon waat I know to betrue, if a
person is to believe thei?" own eyes and ihe words of
friends who tell their experiences. Now, Ism of the
opinion that our English c .usins, in the matter of cor
poral punishment, are wiser than we; that (although in
quite a number of female boarding-schools in our own
land the rod is in use for serious offenses against the
rules) the rod would prove of great benefit to, and vastly
improve tho morels of our young ladies. You, Mr.
Editor, know as well as I do, tnat the present age is a
rapid one—to say the least, that our young girls are old
beyond years, and that their tone of morals is of a
much lower standard than their mothers and fathers;
ell of which, 1 think, is owing, in a large degree, to the
American notion that it is indelicate to"whip a girl. So
much has this idea grown upon the community, that
mothers, in these days, scarcely ever whip thoir daugh
ters (except for very serious often-os) after they get to be
twelve or fourteen years old. Now. 1 start with the
idea that children (both of large and small growth) must
be punished for their faults, that the rod is the proper
instrument ot correction, and that the only thorough
and true way of applying the red is to that portion of the
body on which we sit. Of course, there is some shame,
as Margaret testifies, when the culprit is obliged tore
move her clothes, and the doomed part is bared to the
rod, which is right. Shame should always accompany
punishment; it makes the pain of the laraer mere ex
quisite and more lasting. One severe punishment ap
plied to the naked posteriors of a girl— who has been
obliged to prepare herself for the rod—w]! correct a fault in
her quicker than three just as severe whippings applied
to any other part of the oody.
In your answer to my last article, you thought that
with young lauies over twelve or thirteen years old, the
use of tho rod was exceptional. Now to prove the con
trary in some cases, I will state that in one school which
has come under my notice, where girls from seven or
eight to twenty years of ago at tend, none under four
teen wore subject to the birch; but for nil over that age,
for deception, lying, reading forbidden books. &0., it
was regularly employed. One young lady who attended
there gives her experience as follows: ‘V e were espe
cially forbidden to read French novels, but one day,
during a half holiday. when, as wa thought, the teacher
was out for the remainder oi the day, two intimate
friends and myself got some novels which they had se
creted in their trunks, and seated ourselves for a good
read. We had scarcely commenced before the teacher
returned, when we hastily put the books in the drawer
of a table which stood in the room, and looking it, I put
the key in my pocket. In a little while the teacher in
quired if 1 had seen the key of the drawer, and I an
swered no. Before the word had hardly iott my lips, I
repented, and immediately confessed my double wrong.
She was deeply grieved, and said we all must be pun
ished Knowing what the punishment would be, 1 en
treated her, as the one most to blame, to let me bear the
whole, but she said the disease must be cured, and told
Al 3 to go to her bedroom. Arriving there, we were told
to remove our drawers, and then I lay on the side of the
bed, and was very severely whipped with a birch rod. I
had never seen to severe a whipping. The number of
Btrokes I don't know, bub the skin was broken in very
many places. After she had concluded, and as soon as I
could sufficiently command my sobs as to speak, I again
entreated her to spare my friends, but though kind, she
was firm, and they were m turn flogged, but not so se
verely as I had been. They were daughters of a peer,
and were both over eighteen years of age, while I was
nearly twenty. I staid with my ter.oher as an assistant
until I opened a school of my own, where I carried our,
in the matter of rules, what I had seen the happy effect
of in her school, and invariably (for all serious offenses),
after one reprimand, applied the birch to the naked
person, first obliging them to prepare themselves by re
moving their underskirts and drawers. I very rarely
inflicted more than twelve lashes, but they were given
as hard as I was able.”
One more illustration, and I will close this long letter,
and I insert it to snow that you are wrong when you as
sert the mass oi English people consider it an indignity
to have their daughters birolied. A lady had a daugh
ter who was addicted to the nabit Of pilfering, for which
she had been several times punished; but the habit still
clinging to her, her mother conferred with her teacher,
and they came to the conclusion that a very severe birch
ing, administered in the presence of her schoolmates,
might have tne effect of curing her. The school was a
firivate one, ane was composed of about twenty young
adies from sixteen to nineteen years of age. The morn
ing following the conterence, after prayer, the teacher
called Miss 8. forward, and, after talking calmly to her
of hor offense, told her the punishment she was about io
inflict. The young lady begsedthat
v *hich, being done, an ottoman
was brine*-* across which she was laid, and to which
was securely fastened by a strep passing around her
waist. Her only remaining undergarment was then
raised and tucked under the strap. The teacher then
with a new birch rod about three feet long, and com
posed, oLtan twiss, inflicted upon the bare person of the
culprit one dozen lashes, counting each ono aloud, and
pausing sufficiently long between each to allow the full
effect to be felt. After a wait of a few minutes another
dozen were inflicted; and still another; a new rod being
used each time. The effects of the thirty-six very severe
lashes //ere very plainly to ha soon, +h O £er per-
son and thighs being broken and lacerated very much;
and she was obliged to keep her rocm for a couple of
days. But the disease was broken, and never after did
she pilfer. The remedy was perhaps severe,, but the re
sult of its application (to my mind) proves its effective
Another correspondent, signing herself Servant, testi
fies as follows:
Recent articles in your paper recall to my mind inci
dents of my youth, when I was a servant-girl in the
family of a private teacher in London. At the time of
which i write this lady—the most handsome and best
shaped woman I ever saw—had twenty pupils, and I
think it no exaggeration to say that each one, during
one Winter, was whipped four or five times. 1 was an
ambitious girl, and when I entered this lady’s service I
agreed to work for low wages in consideration of being
taught the English branches for two hours three even
ings in each week' I was at this time 19 years oh’, a ful
ly developed woman, called good-looking, and, a« my
mother toid mo when I left home, fat enough to be put
on exhibition. My mistress to.d me at t«e start that if
she consented to teach me I must consider myself bound
to obey all the rules of tho institution, which were many
and exacting. To this I consented, although I knew that
my flesh was liable to feel the sting of tne red at any
time. I think I lived with this lady a month, studying
and working hard, without being guilty of any act to
merit punishment. Whippings, however, were of al
most daily occurrence, and I frequently stood at the door
of my mktreso’ bed-room listening to the swiftly de
scending switch and the sometimes piteous appeals of
theculp.it. My mistress was a strict and and severe
woman, and it is wonderful that I escaped punishment
as long as 1 did. One day, as I was breathlessly looking
through the key-hole, watching the torture of a young
lady friend of mine who lay upon the b» d. face down
ward, with hands tied behind her and ankles secured I
felt a biting pinch on my bare arm just as I wrs count
ing the twentieth stroke upon my friend’s smarting
flesh, which drew from her a heavy sob, and turning
quickly around, stood face to face with the assistant
teacher. Possibly you can imagine my feelings; I can
not describe them. This lady requested me to follow
her to her room, in a low tone, and I did so, palo with
fear. After locking the door of her room, whieh was on
the floor above the one on which she had found me. she
took mo tv tho hand telling me that, athough she was not
authorized io punish ma for the very grave offense of
which I was guilty; still, to save me trem the severe
displeasure ot the principal, she thought I had better
submit to a whipping from her, and if 1 did so, she
would say nothing of the matter to mv mistress. This
was wrong in tier, and I ought to have known it, but I
thoughtlessly consented to her arrangement. Remov
ing my drawers, I laid myself upon tho bed, and raising
my clothes she gave me thirty stinging blows with a lit
tle whip. Attempting then to rise, I was told to lie
Stiil, and producing a thick, stiff whalebone, she slappea
both my arms, on the fleshy part, between the elbow
and shoulder, ten times, counting them as they were
delivered. I then repaired to the kitchen, congratulat
ing myself upon my escape from the hands oi my mis
tress. But my joy was short lived. In about two hours
I received a summons to my mistress’ room, and there I
found the assistant, whose conscience had compelled ner
to tell the principal the whole story. Before me my
mistress gave the assistant the choice.of then and there
being switched or of resigning her situation. Choosing
the former, she was laid upon the bed and received forty
aivere strokes with a rawnide upon her bare haunches.
She then left the room, sobbing heavily. The principal
then drew me to her side and discoursed upon the enor
mity of my offense for a full half hour, ending by bid
ding mo to remove ail my clothing but chemise and feet
apparel. I cegged her to be mild, as my flesh was still'
smarting from the assistant’s treatment; but after she
had tied my hands and ankles she told me I must re
ceive fifty strokes upon my haunches and five upon each
arm. 1 cried and begged as blow after blow descended
-upon my trembling fiesh, but every stroke was delivered
slowly and with the full strength of my mistress’ arm. I
had been frequently switched by my mother, even just
before leaving homo, but this punishment was the most
severe that 1 ever experienced, although I was unlucky
-enough to have several whippings from my mistress af
ter this one. But I am encroaching upon your grace
and you have already devoted considerable attention
to this subject. I could relate many a “queer”
and possibly interesting story about the school
of which I had toe misfortune to be a servant and
pupil for three years. I probably should have remained
there much longer, for i really loved my mistress, not
withstanding her severity, but ‘ that young man’ came
along when I was twenty-two and took my two hundred
pounds to himself. The several articles in your paper
upon wnipping young ladies have vividly recalled my
younger days, and the result is this letter. I hope I
have not bored j Ou.”
We can scarcely help looking upon Servant's letter as a
first-class argument in favor of the flogging arrange
ment, and deemit just possible that, “that young man,’’
shares our opinion. The communication is one of the
most sensible we have yet received, and goes far to con
firm tho assertions of Corporal, Margaret, and others, but
the case of Servant differs from all the others, inasmuch
as the delinquent was herself satisfied to be so punished.
Beside her great ponderosity of flesh was to some ex
tent a protection. Let us hope that “that young man”
may never borrow a leaf from the book ot Servant’s
former mistress. W e shall be greatly pleased to bear
again from this correspondent. We will close the dis
cussion for this week with the following communica
tion from Governess.
.Your correspondent’s articles on the use of the ro i in
English schools are certainly correct, and it is not con
fined to seminaries by any means, many of the bast
families instructing their Governesses to use the rod as
punishment in preference to any other mathod, and
knany of the mothers themselves wield it unsparingly
As a Govorness for twelve years in five families I was
ordered to whip my pupil when necessary m four out or
the five. In one I used a birch rod ior girls, from twelve
to fifteen, removing all clothing but the chemise. Tne
two younger children, seven and nine years, 1 generally
whipped nursery fashion by laying them over my kaee
and using a slipper.
In anomer family the English laws were given me to
Use an instrument not known in this country.
U all (fid iautiuw l WM Um g9»»lete po ver to whip
severely when necessary, and being an advocate for it
did it unsparingly. A good sound, whipping in a re
fractory girl is of more lasting benefit than all the scold
ings or starvings in the world, and it is rarely that a
child if spanked whenever disobedient or sulky m their
younger days, needs any severe training as they become
C-—1- “ Please give me the popu
lation of the city and county of New York, and of Brook
lyn and Williamsburgh, according to the last census.”
The population of the city and county of New York, ac
cording to the last census, was 942,292; that of Brooklyn,
which includes Williamsburgh, 396,099. 2. “ What is
the entire population of the United States and terri
tories?” 38,555,983 . 3. “How many foreigners are there
in the United States and territories ?” According to the
returns of 1870/there were 32,989,477 native born, and
5,566.546 foreign born residents of the United States and
Pond.—l. “Who is Commander
in-Chief of the United States Army and Navy?” By a
provision made in Sec. 2, Art. 2 of the Constitution of
the United States, the commandor-in-chiefship is vest
ed in the President. 2. “Which is correct?—Com
mander-in-Chief, or Commander-and-Ohief ?” Com
Philadelphia.— 1. “What will bring
a good healthy color to the face and cheeks?” Early
rising, plenty of fresh air, and the use of a coarse towel
after washing. 2. “ How can I make my teeth white ?”
Wash them frequently with a solution of salt and
C. IL S'.—“What is the population
of Great Britain and Ireland, according to the last cen
sus?” The entire population of Great Britain and Ire
land, according to the last census, was 31,817,108, the
Irish proportion of which was 5,4 02,759.
J. A. P.— We must positively de
cline acceding to your request. Our correspondents
write to us in confidence, and we cannot betray their
trust. Your letter will be returned to you on your call
ing at the Dispatch office,
W. M. T.— “ Was general election
day in this State made a legal holiday by the last Legis
lature?” No. A proposition to effect was male,
but not acted on.
Correspondent.— We are making
particular inquiries relative to the cost of the Harlem
draw-bridge, and will furnish you with the desired in
formation as soon as possible.
Corporal.— The papers you asked
for wore forwarded a week ago. Ask at the post-office
for them.
A. lE—George Washington was
the first elected President of the United States.
IL 7’.—We cannot tell you tho
component parts of the alloy.
The following are the contents of the Inside Pages
the 2d, 3d, €th, and 7th, of To-day’s New York Dis
patch. We think they will be found rich in variety and
MASONIC MATTERS: Hyperborean; Norwich; Pre
sented: S. T. M.; Tell Us Why; If You Please; For
the Stay-it-Homes; To the Masonic Editor; Stuy
vesant; Grand Lodge of Quebec; A. and A. Rite.
fkto fork
__ ranonurcK iidv<t.Ass, EMIL SAUER,
FREDRinrr kvAmb, JOHN F. LYON,
FOR liAttenant-governor.
No Republican should neglect registering
himself on Tuesday, the Bth Inst. The polling
places will ho open from 8 A. M. to 9 P. M. on
Tuesday, October 8 ; Wednesday, October 18 ;
Friday, October 25, and Saturday, October 28.
The Democracy are using thoir utmost efforts
to get a full vote of the adherents of that par
ty. Let not Republicans be behind them in
devotion to country and to tho party of uni
versal liberty, honesty and progress. Repub
licans, do not fail to register the first day,
which is next Tuesday. We must poll at the
coming election over 60,000 votes. We have
got the votes if none, who intend voting tor
Gen. Grant fail to register.
On Tuesday, October 8, the Boards of Regis
try in the different Wards of the city of Brook
lyn, will be open from 8 A. M. to 12 M., and
from I P. M. to 10 P. M., for the registering of
the names and residenoes of electors. Every
Bepublican voter in tho city named, should
see to it that his name is duly and properly
placed on the list.
The attention of our readers is asked to the
instructions of the General Committee for the
bolding of tho Bepublican primaries and the
election of delegates to tho various Conven
tions, which will be found on the Fifth Page.
The primaries are to bo held on Friday even
ing. Wo ask the members of the District As
sociations to keep iu mind the importance of
selecting intelligent and trusty delegates. Our
State Convention, by its excellent nominations
for State officers, strengthened tho National
candidates. By equally good nominations for
county officers, members of Congress and of
Assembly, Grant and Wilson, Dix and Bobin
son, will be assured of an increased vote in
this city. Such nominees should bo presented
to tho people as will at onco represent the In
telligence, honoaty. and worth of the Republi
can party, and command tho confidence of the
entire community. Our ablest and honeslest
mon are our most available. With a ticket
made up of the very best material, we can car
ry the city against tbe miserable coalition of
Republican soreheads and greedy Demoqrate.
A ticket worthy of the party can only emanate
from intelligent delegate.
Greeley has stumped several States in the
past few weeks, and has shown greater ability
as an orator than even his best friends credited
him with possessing. None of his speeohes
were weak, and many of them were admirable
specimens of oomposition. Ho presented his
side of the question better than any of his
supporters have done, and avoided the fault
which has distinguished most of the Greeley
orators, that of personal vituperation. In one
of his speeches in Ohio he virtually censured
these orators when he said he had no word to
utter against the eminent citizen who was the
opposition candidate. For this candor, Mr.
Greeley is worthy of praise ; but iu other mat
ters he was not so candid. He did not do
General Grant justice when he arraigned him
as the candidate of the party of hatred and ir
reconoiliation. Is it General Grant’s fault that
general amnesty has not been granted to the
South ? Did he not recommend Congress to
pass laws giving the South general amnesty ?
What more could he do ? He had sworn to
enforce the laws as he found them. Has he
not done so? If Congress did not pass an
amnesty law worthy tho commendation of
Horace Greeley, who is to blame so much for
the failure as the most eminent of Mr. Greeley’s
supporters, Charles Sumner ? By Mr. Gree
ley’s condemnation of General Grant’s action
in the premises, does he wish us to infer that
if ho is elected, and Congress refuses to pass
an amnesty act which shall receive his ap
proval, he will refuse to enforce the laws as he
finds them, or as Congress makes them ? One
President did so, and he went out of office the
most unpopular man who had ever been Presi
dent of the United States. We refer to Andrew
Johnson. The platform adopted by the con
vention which nominated General Grant for
re-election declares in favor of general am
nesty, and goes in every way as far as the
Cincinnati platform. Is it Just or candid for
Mr. Greeley to say that the Republican is the
party of hatred and irreconoiliation ?
The opposition papers make much ado over
Gen. Grant’s shortcomings as an orator, and
contrast with it Mr. Greeley’s ability in that
line. No ono has ever claimed that Gon. Grant
was an orator, any more than that he is a good
editor of a newspaper. But his supporters do
claim that he has proved a most admirable ex
ecutive officer, that he has enforced the laws
of the United States, North and South, that he
has reduced the burden of taxation, and that
our debt, under his administration, has been
paid with a rapidity unexampled in history.
These are the claims justly made for Gen.
Grant. It is well-known to every man who
lias had dealings with the world that the best
writers and speakers seldom make good execu
tive officers. What Horace Greeley’s abilities
as an executive may be, we know not. With
Gon. Grant’s, every man in the land is con
versant. Greeley has shown himself tho best
political writer in this country—as ho is, per
haps in the English language. But he is un
tried in a place requiring executive abilities
of tbe highest order, and we very much
doubt his possessing such ability in a marked
But, aside from tho question of tbe ability
of either candidate as an executive officer,
there is the more important question of the
peace of the country. Under Gen. Grant the
most vexatious of foreign relations have been
satisfactorily and peacefully settled, the South
Has been taught the laws, and there has been
no danger at any time of a recurrence of the
rebellion. The South respect Gen. Grant, be
cause they know he means more than he says,
and his being at tho head of affairs keeps down
the turbulent who would attempt to frighten a
weaker man. Wo doubt that if Greeley were
elected there would be the same respect shown
him. His kindliness of heart is known, and
attempts would be made to drive him by threats
of new rebellion from the path which he knew
to be right. The business of tho country
would be disturbed by this, and the day of real
reconciliation would be deferred. At tho pres
ent hour we want a strong man in the Presi
dential chair. As to which is the stronger
man—tho more calmly brave—Grant or Gree
ley, can there be a question ?
The people of this country will shortly bo
called upon to decide which shall ba chosen
President: Grant, the man of action and
known executive ability, or Greeley, the orator
and man of books. Tho first is backed by the
loyal men of the land and by the party which
has proven itself honest in the administration
of affairs and true to its promises. Tho other
has the support of those who attempted to
overturn the government and their sympa
thizers, and is the nominee ol tiio patty which
made New York city a by-word for dishonest
governance. The personal character of both
candidates is irreproachable. The question,
then, for tho people to answer is, which is tho
mioab /vr tuu piaue—wxucii win govern
the country in away best calculated to secure
the good of the American people. Grant has
been tried and found an eminent success.
Greeley is untried, and might prove a failure.
Will the American people run so great a risk as
the experiment of electing the unproved man
over one of approved excellence at a time
which is so big with the future peace of the
land ?
The notorious woman named above is at
largo. Her second trial in San Francisco re
sulted in a verdiot of acquittal! This is a fear
ful precedent—worse than perhaps any other.
Here was a woman who was seen to shoot
down her victim, as he was sitting by the side
of his wife. And twelve numbskulls acquit
her. Nothing can more strongly point tbe truth
of the statement of the late Daniel S. Dicken
son that if there was “anything which the
Lord didn’t know, it is what a jury will bring
in.” Where is our personal safety when euch
cases as those of Colo, Fanny Hyde, Mrs.
McCarthy and Laura Fair are allowed to mul
tiply on our court records.
California is a new, possibly a rough country.
Human hfe is cheaply hold. A vigilance com
mittee once had to conduct its Lynca-like pro
ceedings there, in order to render life worth
tbe holding. Now, the opposite extreme is
indulged in. A new State proverbially has agal
lant population. The female sex are scarce ;
men remember their mothers, and are more
than generous to the sex. They are apt to in
dulge a mistaken, dangerous kindness. The
Laura Fair verdict shows the force, the truth
of this. But society cannot afford to be forgiv
ing when one of tbe cardinal principles on|which
society itself is based is involved. No twelve
men can afford to say to women: “Go shoot
down any man whom you may think has in
jured you.” But this verdict does in reality
say so to California women. Now, for all thia
there must be adequate cause. What is it?
Jurymen dread to render a verdict which in
volves the taking of human life. But it is
done when the prisoner is a man. Why not
when a woman. But this is not all; and Mark
Twain, who has been for years a resident of
California, so well argues this exact case, in
advance, in his last work, “Roughing It,” that
we quote him:
The first twenty-six graves in the Virginia City
(Nevada) Cemetery were occupied by murdered men.
The mon who murdered them were never punished.
Why? Because Alfred .the Great, when Lo invented
trial by jury, and knew lhat he had admirably framed
it to secure justice in his age of the worid, was not
aware that xu the nineteenth ceclury tho condition
of things would be so entirely changed that, unless
he rose from the grave and altered tho jury plan to
meet the emergenc. , it wo aid prove tho most inge
nious and inlailibie agency for defeating that
human wisdom could contrive. For how cou dhe
imagine that wo simpletons wou'd go on using his
jury plan after circumstances had stripped it of its
usefulness, any more than he could imagine we
would go on using his candie clock after we had in
vented chronometers? Iu his day news couuinot
travel fast, and hence he could easily find a jury oi
honest, intelligent men, whtj had not hoard of tho
case they were callc-l io try; but in our day of tole
graphs and newspaper--, ms plan compels us to
swear in juries composed of tools and rascals, be
cause the system rigidly excludes honest men and
men of brains.
The jury system puts a ban upon intelligence and
honesty, ana a premium upon ignorance, stupidity,
and perjury. It xs a shame that wc must continue
to use a worthless system because it was good a
thousand years ago. Iu th s age, When a gentleman
of high social stand mg, intelligence, and probity
swears that testimoay given under so.emu oath will
cu we g£i with him street ta k and newspaper re
ports based upon mere hearsay, he is worth a hun
dred jurymen who wril swear to their own ignorance
and s upxdity. and justice would be far saler in his
hands :h>n in tneirs.
i Mrs. Fair is again out in tho world. True,
| sho will be banned and barred socially; but the
I cffe. u of this infamous verdict will be text long
i at.or tne world has forgotten tho murderess
Noxt Tuesday, October 8, is to be a very im
portant day. Then it is that three of the most
considerable States of the Union hold their
State elections. In each Presidential year
these States usually tell the story which is
more formally recorded by the thirty-seven
States in November. Indiana, Ohio and Penn
sylvania cast together sixty-six ot the three
hundred and sixty-six electoral votes. The
importance of thoir verdicts cannot, therefore,
be overestimated. Reference has heretofore
been made in these columns to the contests
now about to terminate. Either Presidential
candidate feels it necessary to carry two out of
three of these States. Should all three go one
way, tho Presidential contest will be virtually
decided. At this writing both sides claim a
victory. Right in the critical moment we do
not care to make a prophesy. Thera is no de
nying that the fight is a fearful ono. Ohio
holds the geographical centre of the struggling
armies, Indiana is tbe right, Pennsylvania the
left wing. Within the last ten years all of
these States have occasionally gone over to the
enemy by small majorities; but when the full
vote was polled all were reliably Bepublican.
The Issues now are new, the canvass excep
tional, tbe candidates of various former party
belongings. In Pennsylvania persecution has
been the word on the part of the opposition.
Ohio has been more quietly but not less thor
oughly canvassed. Indiana has for weeks been
in a sort of political ferment. With the set
ting sun of Tuesday the storm will break, the
waves of party strife become less boisterous,
and an excitod populace will calm down for a
time until tho more important verdiot upon
national issues shall have to be pronounced.
Until Tuesday’s returns begin to come in, poli
ticians hereabouts will hold their breath for
the important figures.
Professor Panormo, who was murdered in
Brooklyn m January last, was comparatively
friendless and not wealthy. His murder is
therefore considered fair political game.
Daniel Ferry is a police captain in Brooklyn.
Ho desires to be made a justice of tbe peace.
To secure his nomination, he puts up a story
about the Panormo murder. Stripped of
everything except bare facts, tho case made
out is this: A thief, now in custody, informs
Captain Ferry that another thief, away in
Michigan or Canada, named “ Cockney,” told
him that a third thief, now in custody, and
named O’Brien, killed Panormo with a lignum
vitas club. Instead of securing “ Cockney” to
mane the chain of evidence complete, Capt. Fe
rry runs to the papers and breathlessly recites
his story. It appears in print. The police au
thorities know nothing of all this until it is
out in the papers. Now, if the story of the
thief is true, Captain Ferry has taken just the
means to render the arrest of this man '“Cock
ney” impossible. Without his evidence, the
man O’Brien cannot be convicted. Should not
Ferry be taken before the Police Commission
ers, and at the least ba reprimanded for this
unofficerlike leakage of important police se
crets? Or should not Jourdan, President of
the Commission, assume the part of Othello,
and say, “Ferry, I love thee; but never more
bo officer of mine?”
But, beside the unwisdom of thus rushing
prematurely into print, there is a spice of per
sonality about it. The prominent candidate
against Ferry is named O’Brien, and tho al
leged murderer of Panormo is also an O’Brien.
Thus, while Ferry puts accelerated speed to
his own judicial canoe, he almost sinks that of
his opponent with the stigma oi being the
namesake of a murderer. But Ferry will not
convict Panormo's murderer, will not elect
himself Justice, and may lose his captaincy.
Brooklyn’s Local Pool. The
Brooklyn Republicans have called their con
ventions for the middle of this month. As yet
candidates are rather shy. A good deal de
pends on the possibility of forming a league,
offensive and defensive, with the Reform Com
mittees. If Kings county gives 10,000 Liberal
majority, she will be doing her very prettiest.
Tho registration is close and critical this Fall.
The thousands of bogus votes thrown last year
will not be repeated in November next. The
Liberals olaim that they will poll a total of
6,000 votes in Kings county ; 2,000 would be
nearer tho real figure. Dutcher leads for the
Sheriff nomination, on tho Republican side,
and it is not unlikely that Daniel P. Barnard,
Independent Democrat, will receive tbe nomi
nation for City Judge. If the Democrats nom
inate Reynolds, Liberal, the aim<* posi-
tion will bb a very pretty one. Many Demo
crats will prefer Barnard, Independent though
he is, to an untried recruit. We print a Brook
lyn letter elsewhere.
The Unpardonable Sin in Politic!.
—No political leader, no party can afford to
have recourse to an impure ballot-box or a
corrupt canvass. The potential voice of the
people can be beard in no way except through
the ballot. For an elector to sell his vote,
therefore, is for him, insomuch as one indi
vidual can, to murder his country. There is
not a voter in tho land so poor that the sale of
his vote does not make him poorer. There is
no elector so great, so strong, that ho can re
ally afford to purchase a vote. It is in politics
the unpardonable sin. The punishment would
not be too severe if the elector who sold bls
vote once, were forever disfranchised from the
exercise of this priceless right. What gives
cheap government, low taxation, schools, prop
erty, political equality ? V/hat makes life safe,
marriage secure ? What protects property ?
Tho ballot, honestly cast—honestly counted.
It is our royal family—our all.
The Tribune said recently : “We
do not want the Grant party to give up tbe
fight before election.” That never was Grant’s
style. Ho usually prepared for the fight
quietly, and when it came he wasn’t whipped.
Mr. Greeley has told us—and as an editor Mr.
Greeley was oft a prophet—that “ Gen. Grant
never has been and never will be defeated.”
The Tribune will find that tho Republicans
will have no need to do any fighting after elec
tion. There will be a complete Burronder of
the Coalitionists on tho sth of November.
One State sob the “Lost Cause.”
Georgia, as we predicted last woek, has gone
for the Democrats. The vote is fuller than
was expected, and the majority greater in oon
sequonca. This should not dampen the ardor
of the supporters of Grant. The Georgia peo
ple, occupied as they bavo been in reading
Aleck Stephens long editorials, have had no
time to make a change of base. They still
slick by tho “lost cause.”
A Model Pubifieb.—Ex-Senator
Henry W. Genet is one of the “ purifiers ” of
Democratic Tammany. What must the foul
ness be when a man, indicted for forgery, and
yet under tho shadow of that indictment, be
comes a model and acceptable “ purifier.”
Why don’t Tweed come to the front ? His lieu
tenants arc boteaing tho whole thing.
- -
Revolution in Brooklyn. The
Kings County Board of Supervisors propose to
refuse to pass the usual resolution for the col
lection of tbe city’s portion of tho State tax
due from Kings. With no warrant in existence
collection would be impossible. This is out
right revolution ; and to bo done by Democrats
because other Democrats have blundered.
Bia Gab. Ons hundred and
ninety-five Democratic meetings were held in
Pennsylvania during last week. Not less than
585 speakers rinsed out their intellects upon
the devoted electors of the Commonwealth.
The people are going to elect the Republican
candidates as a rebuke of such a flow of gab.
The perjury column is very full
now-a-days. About half the persons natural
ized just before an election either swear false
or their witnesses do for them.
Jamis Buckley, or Demijohn Jim,
as he is called, is to have his case go before a
Brooklyn Grand Jury, tor appearing on the
I bench in a state of gin.
Ineffably Mean.—The Tribune of
Saturday, in speaking of a controversy between
Gens. Burnside and Slooum, uses this infa
mous language : “ When the Fredericksburg
General recovers from the ridicule with which
this answer from a real soldier will cover him,
ho is likely to exercise great prudence for the
future about provoking similar castigations by
similar preposterous pretensions.” Does not
the Tribune think it the very depth of mean
ness thus by insinuation to convey the impres
sion that Gen. Ambrose E. Burnside was not
“a real soldier?” While not wishing to de
tract from the well-won fame of Gen. Slooum,
his services will bear no comparison to those
of Burnside. No soldier in the army left it
with a better record than he. He captured
Roanoke Island, Newburn City, held the bridge
at Antietam with bull-dog tenacity, whipped
Longstreet in Eastern Tennessee, and every
where his services were required, he proved
himself a capable and most gallant officer—a
true, patriotic soldier. No soldier of the re
public did his duty more faithfully, more thor
oughly, or more modestly. Such attempts to
take from the fame of a gallant soldier and
honorable gentleman are unworthy of any re
spectable journal.
All Depends on Pennsylvania.—
At the battle of Antietam, when Burnside was
sorely pressed by the enemy at the bridge, he
sent to the great incapable, McClellan, for re
inforcements. McClellan gave him one bat
tery, although he had fifteen thousand men
under Gen. Sykes who had not fired a gun dur
ing the day. As the aid was about returning
with the commander’s answer to Burnside,
McClellan said : “ Tell Burnside to hold the
bridge at all hazards. AU depends upon the
bridge.” Pennsylvania is that bridge in this
contest. The Republicans must carry Penn
sylvania. All depends on that State. The
moral effect, if it should go against us, would
be almost overwhelming. Let no Republican
now in this vicinity remain here over Tuesday.
Every Republican should do his duty in this
supremo hour. The peace of the country de
mands Gen. Grant’s re-election. Every vote
counts. Let no Republican shirk a patriot’s
highest duty : To vote as his conscience tells
him is right. Pennsylvania must not be car
ried by the enemy through inertia or careless
ness. Remember, that all depends on Penn
Glorying in Shame.—Hassaurek, a
German orator, brags that he hesitated so long
before coming out for Greeley, that some one
offered him SIOO,OOO not to oome out at all.
Why does ho thus glory in his shame ? Was
not the price sufficient? What is the exact
amount this dickering gentleman required?
Stuffing the Ballot-Boxes.—James
Dunne, Aiderman of the Sixth Ward, Brook
lyn, and Patrick Keenan, Mayor Powell’s mes
senger, over the river, are said to be involved
in the ballot-box stuffing of last Fall, and the
District Attorney is prooeeding against them.
Brutal Execution.—All countries
and peoples have their own way of inflicting
the death penalty. Here we hang them, and
think that a very Christianlike way of making
a man fit for burial. In Cuba they use the
garote, in France the guillotine, in Turkey
the bow-string, and in other countries other
modes. Ithaca, an island in the Adriatic Sea,
has about the most cruel way of all. The vic
tim is placed in a wooden box and tied down.
The executioner then takes him by the hair,
sticks a knife in his throat as he would into
that of a sheep, and twists and turns the head
until death ensues. Then the lid is nailed on,
and the body is dispatched to be buried. Two
priests, named Deotrozzi and Maturo, were
recently tried and convicted for repeated rob
beries and murders. Maturo was executed in
the way described above, to the extreme grat
ification of the cruel spectators. It will please
all people with any feeling to learn that Deo
trozzi was rescued by a band of armed Greek
brigands, and that he will probably take re
venge for the cruelties inflicted on his com
panion in crime.
Constitutionally a Scoundrel.—
Alfred E. Lagrave, of this city, absconded
some months ago, leaving behind him liabili
ties to the amount of over $500,000. He has
been x-—auu is now on his
way to the port of New York. Lagrave has
shown himself a constitutional scoundrel. Ho
has broken the hearts of three confiding wo
men, has run a high-pressure business on lit
tle or no capital, and succeeded in escaping
with a large amount of money obtained by the
sale at auction of goods obtained by false pre
tenses. Lagrave was well-born, has respecta
ble connections, a fine manner, and everything
necessary for an honest career of success ex
cept moral principle. In the matter of con
science he is, and always has been, utterly
bankrupt. His arrest and conviction will have
its salutary effect in preventing other irre
sponsible traders from imitating the bad ex
ample of this bold business buccaneer. La
grave in Sing Sing is less of a temptation to
other evil-disposed persons than Lagrave liv
ing in splendor in Europe on his ill-gotten
Scrimmage Among Timepieces.— A
watch is as requisite a belonging to the outfit
of a lady or gentleman as a hat or boots. The
man of business can never be punctual with
out its aid; the lady of leisure cannot measure
even the foot of time which only treads on
flowers. At the approach of the Holidays all
goods of this description are in demand, and
obtain an added value thereby. It would be
wise in prudent parents and heads of families,
as well as other purchasers, to examine this
stock at an early date, so as to obtain gifts for
a son, daughter, wife, sister, or sweetheart, at
one-half the usual rates. The superb display
from which to select may be found at the cele
brated Bazaar known as the Dollar Store,
No. 667 Broadway, and the stock comprises
watches from all the foreign makers, beside
all grades of the well known Waltham and El
gin watches, in fine frosted or plain gold cases,
and well as charming varieties in enameled
cases. Over $300,000 worth of gold and silver
watches have been consigned to the propri
etors of the Dollar Store, with instructions to
convert them into cash as soon as possible. ■
The proprietors warrant every watch to be
gold or silver, and guarantee them to keep
good time for one year.
The Croaking Prophet.—The mar
ket croakers are at it again. Every little while
the lugubrious voice of the croaker is heard in
the land. In the early Spring, reports come
that the berry crop has been injured; later, the
peach yield is sure to suffer from frost, worm,
or something else. Soon after this along comes
the apple rumor. We had all this last Spring
and Summer, yet berries, peaches and apples
were never so good and plentiful. The yield of
the latter is truly wonderful in its abundance.
Apples are rotting on the trees, being too
plentiful to pay for the picking. The hogs are
feasting upon thorn. But the croaker is again
around. Now he is on coal, which he claims
is to be exceptionally high the coming Winter.
So ho said last Fall when the price was $7 per
ton. Those who “laid in” were “laid out,”
for coal sold at $6 to $6 50 per ton all Winter
long. But the old croaker will continue to
croak. He must croak or die.
A Fall in Carpets.—As this is the
season at which housekeepers supply them
selves with new carpets, our readers will find
it to their advantage to visit the establishment
of H. B. Davis, No. 123 Bowery, near Grand
street, and examine the fine stock there dis
played. The prices are astonishingly low, and
the proprietor guarantees that all bis goods
are what they are represented to be. Davis is
of the school of business men who believe in
honest dealing, quick sales and light profits.
The Hon. John R. Montgomery,
Attorney-General of Arkansas, has been visit
ing all the courts of law and the police courts
1 in the city, during the past week.
Police! Burglars.—Recently a po
lice officer of thn? city waa Bent to state P rioOn
for twenty years, J®r taking a part in bur
glaries. Tho people! Jersey City have a
greater sensation than ours jyas. Yesterday
Chief-of-Police Edward L. McWilliams and De
tective John Doyle were arrested on suspicion
ofbeing connected with the recent robbery of
the First National Bank of Jersey City. The
charge was preferred by District Attorney
Garretson, who swore that he suspects the
two of being accessories before the fact, al
though they may not have entered the bank in
person, and that they were interested m the
profits of the burglary. As no examination
has been yet had, it would be unjust to hold
them guilty. Should they be proved guilty,
however, on trial, Jersey will not be more
lenient with them than New York was with
her police burglars.
Babble and Practice.—Out in lowa
they have a practical female, She doesn’t
parade the country from one end to the other
babbling about “woman’s work.” She went
into her father’s farm and gathered together
forty tons of hay. If any of our woman’s
righters feel like imitating her, we don’t be
lieve there’s a man in the land hard-hearted
enough to deny them the privilege. Those
that we have known, however, like to talk a
good deal better about work than to do it.
Miss Fannie Carson’s (the name of the lowa
lady) way of doing things is more convincing
than all the speeches of the shriekers, that
woman is fit for something beside being a
fashion block and a retailer of silly gossip.
Down with Target Companies.—As
the Police Commissioners have, under the law,
the right to deny permission to societies to
parade the streets, we hope they will give no
permission to target companies. Just about
this time of year they become a nuisance.
They do not go out for the purpose of im
proving their shooting, but merely for a big
time, and to take a chance at getting one of
the prizes which they have “sucked'” out of
persons with whom they are acquainted.
There never was a meaner sort of begging
invented than tho target excursion companies,
and they should be squelched at once and for
Not a Trade Mark.—Commis
sioner Thacher, of the Patent Office, has de
cided that Masonic emblems cannot be used as
trade marks. The Commissioner is sound,
and his decision will have the effect of crush
ing out the petty fellows who attempt to make
a noble charity subserve their own petty ends.
As most people have their own
ideas of “ how to make home happy and pleas
ant,” wo have ours. It is a fitting theme to
sermonize on at this pairing season. We
present the result of our most profound medi
tations to an afflicted world: Wives should
never get up in tho morning to make the fire
and cook breakfast, as it teaches husbands the
virtue of humility to go breakfastiess to work.
A poll parrot which can is an addition to
any family. It can be made to address the
bead of the family with such endearing terms
as, “Old Snoozer, Polly wants a cracker,”
"Baldy, put the kettle on, and we’ll have tea,”
etc. Three or four sore-eyed poodle dogs will
supply amusement to young and old in the
way of flea hunting. Suggest to your husband
that the nicest man you know is that fellow
across the street, who sports such a beautiful
mustache and wears such elegant clothes. Be
particular in admonishing your husband to get
acquainted with him and invite him to supper.
When your husband feels more than ordinarily
affectionate, and wants to kiss you, mildly in
sinuate that eating onions would improve his
breath. As muslo is the food of love, don’t
bo sparing of the piano when your husband
wants to writo a letter or taka a nep. It im
proves the beatitude of your husband to occa
sionally inform the children that they are as
mean, ugly, and bad-tempered as their father.
In company, always treat your husband as
though he were a servant, and be particularly
gracious to ovary other man in the room.
When you go on a visit to “ma,” look all the
doors and forget to leave the keys with a
neighbor. And be particular to keep him in
mind that although Mr. So-and-so doesn’t earn
as much money as be does, yet So-and-so’s
a great aoai oetter nun you ao.
Husbands who wish to make home particularly
happy, should always insist on having a pretty
servant girl, and should make her nice pres
ents very often. They should invite their
friends to dinner on wash day, and then re
mark that a lazy wife is a blessing to any man
who hasn’t got her. If you get drunk, insist
on letting the whole neighborhood know the
fact by singing and screaming. Compel your
wife to pull off your boots when wet, for the
gentle hands of a loving wife make a better
boot-jack than a piece of unfeeling wood or a
lump of cold, unsympathetic cast-iron. Al
ways speak kindly of your wife’s relatives.
Never mention her father without calling him
“that blasted old fool,”nor her mother with
out emphasizing your admiration by tho state
ment that she “ is an old catamaran and in
sufferable shrew.” "When you go out with
your wife, don’t speak to her unless you can’t
help it, and then speak as if she were a deaf
dog. Como home every little while with a few
long hairs on your coat collar and vest. And
don’t forget to be particularly ardent in your
admiration Of every good looking woman you
meet—be doubly ardent when your wife is
present. Any wife or husband who follows tho
foregoing instructions, will make homo a sweet
place to be away from.
A poetic philosopher says : “ When
some men come to you, it is like sunrise.
Everything seems to take new life, and shines.
Other men bring night with them. The chill
shadow of their sobriety falls upon ever-inno
cent gayety, and your feelings, like birds at
evening, stop singing, and go to their roosts.”
It was one of the “other” men who called on
us on last Monday. He came in loudly. Ho
was dressed in a pea-jacket, a soft felt hat,
corduroy pants, and cowhide boots. He was
smoking a cigar, the smoke of which was as
sweet to the nose as is the scent of a breath
perfumed by benzine and garlic. He took a
seat, and expectorated freely. He opened the
conversation thus : “You run this machine?”
“ You are mistaken,” we blandly remarked ;
“it runs itself. It’s a peculiarity of news
papers that they always do run themselves.”
“All right, old specksy. I want to become a
contributor, seemingly as it were. I want to
lay my experiences before the public, I think
that I can tell some things that’ll astonish your
readers—in fact, seemingly as it were, pulver
ize them with wonder.” “No doubt you would
astonish our readers. A good many people
who want to contribute to our columns would
astonish them did we publish their contribu
tions. What is the nature of your experi
ences?” “.Hero they are,” and he pulled out
a fearful pile of MS. Wo took it, and looked
at the first page. The “ experiences” bore the
title of “ Bloody Hand, tho Avenger; or, The
Blood Bod Dagger of the Haunted Inn.” We
read the first sentence. It ran as follows. “In
tho year 1813, in the city of Hudson, a man by
tho name of Rodolpho Castanero was born.”
“ Look here, friend," we said to the author,
“ don’t you think, seemingly as it were, that
you rush things a little? Men are born, it is
true, but they ain’t generally mon when born ;
and tho process of christening usually takes
place subsequent to birth, not previous. It
you go on in this way, you’ll have him die a
gray-headed veteran before he has had time to
cut his eye teeth.” He jumped up, snatched
his MS. from our hand, and said: “You’re a
d—d fool, I wouldn’t let such an old four
eyed idiot as you are read another lino of this
splendid story of plot and passion. You an
editor 1 You ain’t fit to be nurse to a first
class doll. If it wasn’t for your ago, I’d shove
this MS. down your blamed ugly throat.” And
then bo bounced out of the office as though ho
was angry. This is tho style of men that the
poetic philosopher says “ bring night with
them.” So long, however, as they don’t bring
clubs and revolvers, we can manage to survive
a short interview.
Sunday Edition. Oct 6
A backwoods pair innocently dis»
robed in the elevator of a Nashville hotel.
Just as they were looking for the bedstead the
elevator commenced to move down. “ Hello I”
shouted the man, “what’s up?” “It’s an
earthquake, and we’re being swallowed up
alive,” answered his wife. Both screamed and
howled for help at the top of their voices.
People rushed from their rooms, and the most
intense excitement prevailed until the elevator
reached tho ground floor. Then out dashed a
man clad in a shirt and a woman in a red flan
nel petticoat and sack. An explanation fol
lowed, and the two retired to their room, the
man muttering as he went: “ I thought the in
fernal thing was mighty small and close for a
bed-room, anyhow."
This is a tale of a. cruel father and
a sensitive daughter. She had a lover. He
was her first, although she was thirty-five
years old in her stockings. Her father wouldn’t
let her marry the lover. Her father is sixty
five years old, with a sardonic countenance
and red hair. When he denied his daughter
the privilege of uniting her fortunes and her
thirty-five years to the man of her heart, he
said : “Dont let me hear anymore of this,
you bloody old sentimental fool, or I’ll spank
you black and blue.” The sensitive daughter
went out into the stable and hanged herself
with the horse halter. The old man now wears
a piece of crape on his hat, and the lover wears
a pensive countenance.
A young lady at Peoria, Illinois,,
the other day, spread a piece of bread with
butter, arsonic and sugar for the rats that in
fested her room, and laid it on her table. She
next spread another piece for herself with
butter and sugar, which she laid beside the
other. She then began to read a book, grew
hungry while absorbed in reading, reached for
her bread and butter without looking up, and
getting the wrong one, began to eat. A
stomach pump nearly turned her inside out.
She is net yet out of danger, and probably
never will be. Some day we'll have to record
her death from burns received while pouring
kerosene into a lighted lamp.
There is an editor in Cleveland
who is an admirer of lecturing. In a recent
issue of his paper, he pensively asks : “Are
we to have no lecture season?” There are a
few lecturers in this city who will accommo
date him, and take tho chances of payment if
he will only furnish a hall. Ona or two lady
lecturers that we know could be spared to
Cleveland ; and if the Clevelanders become so
enamored of them that they won’t let them
return, the Clevelanders will receive our
A Terre Haute girl read that
small-pox sometimes produces a rich contralto
voice, and bad herself innooulated. When tho
neighbors hear her voice plaintively calling
homo the pigs, as she leans gracefully over ths
back gate, they say to one another that Ade
laide Phillips hasn’t such a voice. The sweet
voice of the steam-whistle doesn’t rival it in
expression, nor the tender bray of the patient
donkey in melody.
Prentice Mulfobd writes from
Southend, a watering place near the mouth of
the Thames, to the San Francisco Bulletin:
“I have seen the great English nation bathe.
I have seen girls and women wading about
liko so many sandpipers. They tuck up their
apparel and walk right in here. It is almost
as free and easy as the Garden of Eden might
have been before bathing clothes were in
The St. Louis Globe says : “Any
facts that will render the obituary of our Han
nibal correspondent interesting, will be thank
fully received. In a dispatch yesterday, ho
says; ‘ The city is infested with thieves and
pickpockets, as is usual during fair week.
Representatives from the St. Louis Globe and
Journal, and Quincy and St. Joseph papers aro
in attendance.’”
The Chicago Times says: “ The
hard-handed sons of toil are noble fellows;
but, as they wend their happy way homeward
each evening, why must they brandish the de
fiant tin pail, cracking the effoto shins of
pampered aristocrats walking tho other
way ?”
An Illinois boy has been bitten six
teen times by rattlesnakes and still treads tha
earth a thing of beauty. He wishes to die, but
can’t Dy rattlesnakes. We advise him to fool
with an unloaded pistol, or try to stop the fly
wheel of a two-hundred horse-power engine.
The gay and festive youth who dis
plays his beauteous person on the corner of
Broadway and Houston street is the son of
poor but honest parents. He takes after them
in tho poverty but not in the honesty. Ha
dyes his mustache on credit.
A Connecticut editor, having got
into a controversy with a cotomporary, con
gratulates himself that his head was safe from
a “donkey’s heels.” His cotemporary astute
ly inferred from this that he was unable “ to
make both ends meet.”
A Connecticut paper says : “If
that accordeon artist who so assiduously prac
tices ‘ Shoo Fly,’ and other classical music,
opposite this office, will call at the American
Consul’s house, Honolulu, he will be liberally
To find out the number of children
in a street beat a bass drum. To find out the
number of idle men start a dog fight. To find
out the number of women let a woman go
through a quiet street with the latest style of
bonnet on.
Louisville husbands are well
trained. One of them lately submitted to a
oowhiding from his wife at his place of busi
ness, and when she had finished meekly picked
up the baby and walked home with her.
Troy is putting on airs because
in one family in that city there are thirteen
children sick with the measles. Some othe«
city will be claiming the championship for
small-pox, and another for catarrh.
That Dundee, Mich., man, who
died five minutes after his marriage, must
have been a sensitive soul. Poor follow 1 ha
wasn’t married long enough to fully appreciata
the calm rest that he now enjoys.
A man who has a red-headed sweet
heart, addressed her as “Sweet Auburn, love
liest of the plain.” In a few seconds after ho
found that a chair was considerably harder
than his head.
The young men of Terre Haute
have worn a hole in a Brussels carpet with
their knees, and still she is heart-whole. When
they get up from their knees she’ll begin to
listen to them.
“ The melancholy days have come”
to a renter of barrel-organs in this city. He
can’t let out his organs that are filled with
lively tunes. Nothing but the dolorous brings
the dollars in.
Says an exchange: “ Mrs. Brows is
lecturing in Omaha on woman’s work." Wa
guess Mr. Brown would prefer that Mrs. Brown
do more of that work and talk less about it. j
The woman who can put on a fif
teen hundred dollar shawl without “ putting
on airs” at the same time, doesn’t live- in No®
York—most likely doesn’t live at all.,
A young female medium erf Council
Bluffs has lately cured a cancer on a Mr. Clo
ver’s tongue by spiritual applications. Shs
probably talked the cancer to. death.
A Schenectady man has a rooster
whoso wings aro silvered by the frosts of thir
teen Winters. He is about starting Ik through
the country as King Lear.
The San Francisco Post publishes
a poem which it triumphantly says is from ths
pen of a girl of thirteen. Very taw readers
will believe she is so old.
Mark Twain is going to Cuba for
the benefit of his wife’s bq&ith, It Isn't stated
srbothor or not bo takers his wile with blm.

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