New York dispatch. [volume], July 15, 1877, Page 4, Image 4

About New York dispatch. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1863-1899

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(Notice.— For want of space, many questions re®®’™ l
remain unanswered for some time. Each query, if legiti
mate, will, in its turn, receive proper attention, we must
request our correspondents to write plainly and state their
wishes concisely, if they would receive co “ c * s .e
Many notes that are receive are so nearly illegible tnat
they find their wav at once to the waste-basket. I
Selig. —The founder of the great com
mercial bouse of the Rothschilds was Moyer Anselm
Rothschild, who was born at Fraukfort-on-the-
Main in 1743. He was intended for the Jewish min
istry, but being placed by his father in a counting
house in Hanover, he showed so great an aptitude
for commercial pursuits that, having experienced
bis honesty and integrity in lesser matters, the
Landgrave of Hesse appointed him, in 1801, banker
to himselt aud his court, Nor was his confidence
misplaced, for during the sway of Napoleon I. in
Germany the L Ddgrave’s private fortune was saved
by the devot?dness of bis banker, whose name had
become a tower of commercial strength all over
Europe. At his death, Sept. IT, 1812, he left to his
five sons not only the inheritance of an immense
fortune and unbounded credit, but an unsullied
reputation. The firms of the house were extended
to Austria, 1 rance and England. The third son
(Nathan), born in 1777, settled in London, where he
died in 1836, his descendants still doing business
there. Anselm settled in Frankfort, Solomon in
Vienna, Charles in Naples, and James in Paris,
where he died in 1368*
J. E. T. — “ Please give me in your next
issue a cure for drunkenness; that is, something to
drink in place of liquor.” There is a prescription
in use in England tor the cure ef drunkenness, by
which thousands are said to have assisted them
selves in regaining a sober life. The recipe came
into notoriety through the efforts of John Vine
Hall, commander of the steamship Great Eastern.
He had fallen into such habitual drunkenness that
bis most earnest efforts to reclaim himself proved
unavailing. At length he sought the advice of an
eminent physician, who gave him a prescription
which he followed faithfully for seven months, and
at the end of tuat time he had lost all desire for
liquor, although he had used it freely for many
years. The prescription is as follows: Sulphate of
iron, five grains; magnesia, ten grains; peppermint
water, eleven drachms; spirits of nutmeg, one
drachm, twice a day. This prescription acts as a
tonic and stimulant, and partially supplies the
place of the accustomed liquor, and prevents that
absolute physical and moral prostration that follows
from thq sudden breaking from the use ot stimu
lating drinks.
T. H. O’S. A.—“ Was Pope Pius IX.
ever made a Mason? If so, when and where, and
under what name was he initiated?” We do not
think there is any doubt at all about Pope Pius IX.
having been a Mason. A writer in the Glasgow
(Scotland) Masonic News claims that Mas tai Ferretti,
now Pope Pius IX., was initiated in a Sicilian lodge
in 1832, duringlhis college days. At that time, how
ever, there was no prohibition by the Church of
Rome, either in the canon law or any of its laws, pro
hibiting its members from being Freemasons. It is
also asserted that when his holiness was a mission
ary on the river Platte, and then known as Mastai
Ferretti, be frequently visited lodges there, aud his
signature as a Mason is still, or was lately, preserved
in tho archives of one of the subordinate lodges of
the Argentine Republic. The Catholic Church does
not object to Freemasonry as Freemasanry, but as a
secret society. This query was previously answered
in similar terms in the Dispatch of October 25th,
1874, and April 29th, 1877.
Fbask Meeker.—l. The best running
high jump on record was made by M. J. Brooks,
amateur, of Oxford University, at London, Eng., on
April 7. 1876, bight 6 feet inches. E. Vardy, of
Haydon, Eng., on August 27, 1859, reached 5 feet 11
Inches. The best in America was by John West, at
Caledonian Games, Philadelphia, August 16, 1875, 5
foot 10 inches. 2. The best running wide jump
(without artificial aid) was made by J. Lane, ama
teur, at Dublin. Ireland, on June 11, 1874, 23 feet 1%
inches. 3. Joseph Greaves made 13 feet 7 inches, at
Bards.oy, Eng., on Sept. 18, 1875, with 231 b. dumb
bells. The best in. America was 13 feet 5% inches,
with 121 b. bells, by Edward Searles, at Utica, N. Y..
oa Sept. 23, 1870. 4. The best running hop, step,
and jump was 47 feet 7 inches, by R. Knox, at Leitn,
Scotland, in August, 1870. 5. The best standing hop.
step, and jump was by D. Anderson, at Eyemouth,
Eng., on July 24,1865, 40 teet 2 inches. 6. The meas
urement is from heel to heel.
F. D. —Pimples arc occasioned by the
torpid state of the skin, or, in other words, by the
inability of tho skin to perform its proper func
tions. The cause of these pimples is therefore nei
ther more nor less than an obstruction of the pores
of the skin; the perspiration being allowed to ac
cumulate, the moutus of the pores become clogged,
Irritation ensues, aud a pimple arises. Tho only
way to be rid oi them is to allow the skin to do its
own work by preserving it in a healthy condition,
and keeping toe system in good order. The follow
ing ointment is recommended: Take an ounce of
barley meal (the finer the better), one ounce of pow
dered bitter almonas, and a sufficient quantity ot
honey to mate them into a smooth paste. If you
are taking medicine for the blood, adopt our advice
and place yourself in the hands oi a competent phy
sician. Don’t iool with either s .Its, sulphur or
tincture of iron, or you may have occasion to re
gret it.
Louie Geendower.—l. John Brough
am’s comedy of “Minnie’s Luck; or, The Ups and
Downs oi City Life,” was produced at Wallack’s Toe
atre on Monday, June. 27, 1870, the following being
the cast: Horatio Pryer, Mr. John Brougham; Law
yer Goodwin, '.ir.’O. Fisher; Melchezedeck Moggs, Mr.
J. H. Sroddart; Philip Wrexford, Mr. C. W. Barry;
Barney O' Flynn, Mr. Joseph Sefton; Inkey Dick, Mi*s
Lizzie Price; Mr. Leonard; Mike Mulli-
gan, Mr. Quicley;' Dennis Doolan, Mr. Blankman;
Bart Holligan, Mr. Josephs; Mat Magufiin, Mr. Wil
liams; Hans Wiegleman, Mr, Gambrin ■; Mathew, Mr.
Pock; Patrick, Mr. Curran; Clara Willoughby, Miss
Leona Cavender; Mrs. Horatio Pry er. Miss Annie De
land; Mrs. Wll oughby, Miss Emily Mestayer; Cleo
patra, Miss Marlon .ordaunt; The Kitten, .Hiss Fow.
ler; Jane, Miss Hayden; Bridget, Miss Rower. 2. The
gentleman is a native-born American.
Doha D. —The origin of the game of
philopena is said to have been as fol ows: The
people oi Als.:ce and Lorraine were formerly under
German rulj, .8 they now are; but while a part of
France they lost in a great measure the use of the
German -lanjuage, and what they retaine i became
corrupt. It was an old custom among them for
young Couples to engage themselves by eating the
halves of double almonds, and then to salute each
other as “ well beloved” each time they met. The
word in German was vielliebchen, but having forgot
ten the meaning of this word they gradually
changed into “phillipo,” which sounds like it, and
“phillippina.”
Yobky Dawson.—“ Please give me the
boundary linos dividing the Eighth, Muth and Fif
teenth Wards.” The Eighth Ward is thus bounded:
North by W. Houston street, east by Broadway,
•oath by Canal street, and west by the Hudson
River. The Ninth Ward boundaries are: North by
W. Fourteenth street, east by Sixth avenue, Bleeck
or and Macdoujal streets, south by W. Houston
street, aud west by the Hudson River. The bound
aries of the Filteeoth Ward are: North by E. aud
W. Fourteenth street, east by Fourth avenue and
the Bowery, south by E. and W. Houston streets,
and west by Sixth avenue, Bleecker and Macdougal
streets.
G. P. E.—You are perfectly right; by
some strange omission Wallack’s present theatre
was omitted from tne list published by us on April
Ist last. It was opened on Wednesday, Sept. 25th,
1861, and comes thirtieth on tbe list, between the
New Stadt Theatre and Barnum’s New American
Museum. We are glad you called our attention to
the matter.
Bomeo.—“ Suppose I am president of
ft society, and all are knights errant, and among
themselves are called companions. In addressing
them In session, should the plural be on companion
or knight?” The plural, if used at all, should be on
the first word; but would it not be better to ad
dress them as “Knights Errant,” without the Com
panion ?
Ragmoney Jim.—Miss May Nunez has
never played in New York unless under the man
agemen i. of Mr. Augustin Daly. During a tempora
ry engagement of a portion of the Fifth Avenue The
atre company at the Bowery Theatre, last season,
she played Mabel Renfrew in “Pique,” Fanny Ten
Evck in “ Divorce,” and Anne Sylvester in “ Man and
Wife.”
Anxious.—“A decree of divorce being
granted to plaintiff in another State, what would be
the penalty should the defendant marry in this
State?” No penalty at all. It is constructively a
contempt of court, but being done outside of the
jurisdiction of the court of another State, there is
no penalty for such a marriage.
J. F. M.—The real and personal es
tftte of tbe United States, according to tbe census of
1870, amounted to $30,068,518,507, which would rep
resent a little over $770 per head. To inrorm you
how much would come to each person in the world
were tue general wealth distribute! would be an
Impossibility.
Fred. J.—l. There is no way we know
of for a young man to tell which business or pro
fession he is most suited for but by choosing one
and trying it. 2. We cannot suggest any means oi
finding employment without recommendations. As
rule they are indispensable.
Forrest.—l. The National Theatre
(corner of Leonard and Church streets) was burned
on September 23d, 1839; rebuilt and again burned
May 23d, 1841. 2. Tue Park Theatra was burned on
July 4th, 1821; rebuilt aud opened in 1822; again
burned December 16th, 1848.
Rupture.—Application to the New
York Society tor the Relief of the Ruptured and Crip
pled, is to be made at the office, corner of Forty
second street and Lexington avenue, there being no
particular hour. The treatment and apparatus are
free to all unable to pay.
M. C. M.—The best course for you to
pursue is to go before tbe District Attorney ami
state your case as cle irly and concisely as you do in
your letter to us, and there is no doubt whatever
that he will fully advise you in the matter.
Anonymous. —“ Gan a Roman Catholic
widower, according to the rules of his church, mar
ry his dec* ased wife’s sister?” He cannot. There
is no church so strict in its prohibition oi kindred
marrying as the. Roman Catholic one.
Constant Reader. —The candidates
for the Presidency and Vice-Presidency in 1868
were: Republican, U. S. Grant and Schuyler Colfax;
Democratic, Horatio Seymour aud Francis P. Blair,
Jr.
Concertina.—There are innumerable
■works published giving instructions in the art ot
playing the cone rtina and accordeou and you can
obtain one at a first class music publisher’s.
Subscriber. - The lady in question is
from Cleveland and is not married. Her age we do
not know, aud have not at present any occasion, to.
Rombo. —Walter Montgomery was cer
tainly an American by birth, having first seen the
light on Long Island, near Brooklyn.
Athos. — No. Mr. W. J. Fleming, now
manager of Nibio’s Garden, is no relation whatever
of the late W. M. Fleming.
Fibeman. — ihe paid Fire Department
Of this city was organized in 1865.
Recitationist. —The poem called ‘ ‘ The
llanlac" is by M. G. Lewis.
E. T.—See answer to Frank Meeker,
t No record.
CONTENTS OF INSIDE PAGES.
SIJSC.QNI* IP/VG-TS:
CONTINUATION OF “ WHO CASTS A STONE ?’»
FAITHFUL UNTO DEATH.
A TOUGH STORY.
THE DETROIT SOLOMON.
HE WAS ASTONISHED.
MY JOHN.
THinD PAGB:
MASONIC INTELLIGENCE: The Scales of the Serpent;
We Salute; Royal and Select Masters; Take Notice;
Mississippi; Why Such Disappointment; Truth; Delta
Lodge; Manhattan Lodge; Sad; Commandery News:
Guard Well the Portals; Copestone Lodge; Lodge of
Antiquity: Eastern Scar Notes; The Way we are At
tacked: Increase of Lodges; Honor to Whom Honor
is Due; Questions and Answers; A Pleasant Excur
sion; Columbian Commandery; The Keystone; Ne
braska; Toleration.
SIXTH PAGE:
THE WIFE’S REVERIE.
THE OLD MAN’S SECRET.
A LUCKY FIND.
MERRY TRIFLES.
THE LAST HORSE.
A PRECOCIOUS MISCREANT.
STORMY SUMMERS.
A RAILROAD ADVENTURE.
INTERESTING MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
SEVENTH FA-O-JES:
REUNITED.
THE IRISH CONDUCTOR.
A SONG WITHOUT WORDS.
A LAZY GIANT.
INDIAN FUN.
MIDSUMMER EVE.
NIGH UNTO DEATH.
CHECK BEFORE MATE.
OUR WEEKLY GOSSIP.
MEW YORK, JULY 15, 1877.
The NEW YORK DISPATCH
has a larger circulation than any
other Sunday Newspaper pub
lished in the United States.
tapfsmsaasjasssßnaHssHßSSSES
IHE CONCLUSIVE POWER.
There has been a great deal of balderdash
written and spoken within the past few days
upon the effect the indictment of the mem
bers of the Louisiana Returning Board would
have upon tho question of the Presidency.
Now, there is no “question of the Presidency’,
existing. When Congress counted the electoral
votes and declared Rutherford B. Hayes elected
President, that ended tho matter. Tbe title to
the Presidency does not depend on the work of
a grand jury, tbe verdict of a court, or the ar
guments of able lawyers. There is no power to
revise tbe decision of Congress in the Supreme
Court or in any other body. The talk of the
Supreme Court having jurisdiction in the prem
ises, is as silly as it is dangerous. Were such
power given to tho Supreme Court it would not
be long before that body would control all
branches of the Government—instead of being
a co-ordinate branch, it would become an oli
garchy, and make and unmake Presidents at its
will. We have seen recently what tbe effect of
giving a Chief Justice a voice in tbe election of
President was in Mexico. The people of the
United States have no wish to go behind the
Constitution in choosing a President.
It is pleasant to see that there is one Demo
cratic paper which has not lost its head, nor
allowed the “nincompoops” of Tilden’s Lite
rary Bureau to talk non Sense through its col
umns. We allude to the Chicago Times, which
in a recent editorial said: “The solid and
lawful basis of that title [the Presidential]
is the decision made and concluded by the
American Congress upon the returns in its pos
session. Whether that decision was or was not
made according to the facts, there is no power
in any other tribunal on earth to inquire. It
was the decision of the supreme, ultimate and s
conclusive power of the Constitution. So far as
concerns the President or the validity of his
title it was the end of the matter.” The fore
going is somewhat different talk from the stuff
which has been published in some papers in
this neighborhood for a few days past. It is a
great pity that our editors do not occasionally
read the Constitution of the United States. If
they did so they would write less profound
trash.
GOLD AS THE BASIS.
Says the St. Louis Republican: “It is cer
tain that when Congress meets in October it
will be asked to postpone the day of resump
tion.” if Congress is composed of first-class
idiots it will grant the request. Have wo not
had suffering enough during the past four
years? Do these noodles who oppose resump
tion think that tbe bad times should- be contin
ued ? The country has pretty well got down to
“hard pan,” the people have been compelled to
reduce their expenditures, and wo are all about
as well prepared for resumption as we ever will
be. But these anti-resumptionists would have
us inflate the currency and put off the day of
resuming gold payments. What good would
result from inflation wo are unable to see.
There is at the present moment almost incalcu
lable amounts of money lying idle, and it can
find no employment. Until this money is em
ployed is it not the most ridiculous kind of non
sense to talk of making more money with the
hope of improving trade? Money is plenty and
trade is dull. If money becomes more plenty
is there any likelihood of trade becoming im
proved in consequence?
What would any one think of a tradesman
who had a stock of goods of which he could
not dispose, doubling his stock of ihe same
goods in the hope of Increasing his sales?
Would he not be looked upon as a stupid fel
low ? Yet this is precisely what the inflation
ists and anti-resumptionists would have the
country do. We want gold payments resumed
at the earliest possible day, and we want to get
nd of the whole subject of inflation. With
gold as a basis of money circulation, the wants
of trade will control the amount of bills neces
sary for tbe public use, and there will be no
need of further legislation in the matter. So
long as gold is not the basis trade will be dis
turbed by the foolish theories of cranky finan
ciers, and there will be no stability in business.
For Heaven’s sake, let us take the financial
question out of Congress as soon as possible.
This we can do by resuming specie payments.
The sooner this is done the bettor it will be for
the prosperity of the country.
POOR PRANCE. .
With tho usual insolence of the. reactionary
organs of France, the Paris Union, a Legitimist
and Ultramontane journal, bluntly declares that
“the distinction drawn between Legitimist and
Orleanist candidates has no meaning or justifi
cation. All tbe candidates recommended by
the Right and Left Centre committees are mon
archists.” That means, of course, that the
whole crowd of French reactionists shall unite
at the impending elections and vote for any
candidate in favor of overthrowing the Re
public.
But even though the reactionists should be
victorious, of which there is little or no pros
pect, what then? Will the Legitimists, in the
now chamber, drop their pet candidate, Henry
the Fifth, with his preposterous medieval ideas,
in favor of the Count ot Paris or the Duke
d’Aumale, who would restore to France tho un
desirable regime of King Louis Philippe ? Or
would the Legitimists and Orteanists meekly
submit to the restoration of the Empire under
the leadership of Eugenie and her crowd of ra
pacious courtiers, to Whom France owes the
loss of some of her finest provinces, and mili
tary humiliations more profound than Water
loo? Would the Bonapartists acquiesce in the
accession of King Henry the Fifth or one of tho
Orleans princes? And, finally, would MacMa
hon tamely submit to being kicked out of an
office, for which, as he has so often and so
pompously declared, he was elected until the
yearlSSO? It is clear that the troubles of the
monarchists would begin only with tbe election
of a reactionary chamber. Split into bitterly
hostile factions, their dissensions would inevi
tably lead to civil war. Compare with this dis
quieting prospect the united and harmonious
front which the Republicans, whose moderation
and discretion cannot be too highly praised,
present to the enemy. They have but one
motto —the Republic—and but one champion,
to whom all the rest of their able leaders have
magnanimously and sagaciously yielded—
Adolphe Thiers. The French people cannot be
so blind as not to see which of the two con
tending parties is best calculated to aan’u-e
NEW. YORK DISPATCH, JULY 15, 1877.
peso®, prosperity, and liberty to the country ;
and ths result of the impending elections will
show it.
NO STEAM ON WESf STREET.
The committee of the Board of Aidermen ap
pointed to consider the feasibility of permitting
the Belt line’s rails to be used by freight cars
drawn by dummy engines, last Tuesday pre
sented a report adverse to tho proposition.
The report is able, thorough, and conclusive.
No ono after reading it will attempt to over
throw its arguments. Il is shown that from
ton thousand to twelve thousand tons of freight
arrive and leave this city daily, and that the
greater part of this freight comes into the city
from New Jersey and crosses West street. Were
the freight cars allowed to run through West
street, travel upon the street would be stopped,
trucks carrying goods to and from the wharves
and steamers would be impeded in their move
ments, and the trade of the city would, as a
natural consequence, greatly suffer. It is but
necessary for anyone to take a walk through
West street, at any time of tbe day or night, to
become convinced that trains of freight cars,
which would block up tho street, would oe an
intolerable nuisance, a detriment to business,
and an injury to tho prosperity of the city.
The Aldermanic committee thoroughly investi
gated tbe subject of steam freight cars on the-
Belt road, bearing the arguments in favor of
and against the movement, and concluded that
it is not advisaole to grant the privilege. We
concur heartily in the conclusions of the report,
and thank the gentlemen of the committee for
tho unusual caro, thoughtfulness, and candor
which they gave to the consideration of the sub
ject. It is very refreshing to see a matter af
fecting the welfare of New York city treated
with intelligence and candor.
THE TENTH WARD RAIDS.
If Captain Foley perseveres in bis laudable
efforts to rid the Tenth Ward of the male and
female posts that now infest it and make it one
of tbe worst police precincts in New York, he
will attain an object for which all the respect
able people m the Ward will be truly grateful to
him. The undertaking, we know, is not an easy
one; and the slightest faltering on the part of
the police officer engaged in it will be looked
upon as a sign of weakness by the disorderly
elements against which the good warfare is be
ing waged. But there is already plenty of evi
dence that Captain Foley has struck the mon
ster of iniquity with which he is grappling
some telling blows. The villains who keep dens
of vice on tho Bowery and in other thorough
fares of tho Tenth Ward cannot always obtain
bail. Some of them have already transferred
their field of operations to the Fourteenth Pre
cinct, where, we trust, they will receive due at
tention at tho hands of Captain Tynan. The
wretched street-walkers have largely left their
former “boats” on the lower Bowery, and gone
up to tho line separating the Tenth from the
Seventeenth Ward, in order to bo able to escape
the clutches of the police by running from one
precinct into tbe other. The keepers of dis
orderly variety shows are depressed. Tho low
thieves have left their wonted haunts on the
Bowery. Let the good movement go on, and in
a brief space of time the Tenth Ward will bo
thoroughly purified, notwithstanding the efforts
of the enemies of law and order to shield its
foul elements, and to encourage the continu
ance of moral plague-spots in the heart of a
dense tenement population.
THE TURKISH WAR.
There is probably no better proof of the im
becility of Abdul Kherim and the other Turk
ish generals commanding in Bulgaria than that
they have been unable to take advantage of the
well-nigh complete destruction of the Russian
pontoon bridge spanning the Danube at Sim
nitza. It required the most tremendous efforts
of the Russian engineers for a whole day to re
pair the bridge, and thereby prevent the great
disaster with which the Russian grand army
was threatened. A vigorous attack of the Turks
confronting that army might have placed the
latter in tbe most precarious position. But the
Turkish generals, who could not have been ig
norant of the accident that had happened to
the bridge at Simnitza, preferred, with their
usual, supineness, not to do anything, and now
nothing impedes the victorious progress of the
Russians, which is rendered more certain by
the flank movement successfullv performed b’.
tho Russian army operating in theDobrudscba,
which seriously th-catena tbe rear of the Turk
ish forces in Bulgaria.
No special importance should be attached to
the reports concerning a battle alleged to be
being fought in the rear of Rustschuck. Only
one Russian division is operating against that
Turkish fortress, which seems to have severely
suffered by the recent bombardment.
Take it all in all, there is no reason to doubt
that the Russian armies are making decided
headway in the direction where Turkey is most
vulnerable, and that we may looir at no distant
day for as brilliant a passage across the Balkan
as General Dicbitsch made in 1823.
NOT ALTOGETHER SLAVE 3.
Our Post Office clerks, as we all know, are so
highly paid that they really do not know how
to spend their large salaries. In this dilemma
Postmaster James has discovered away to aid
them. He proposes to have them uniformed.
Tho matter hasn’t been decided yet positively,
but last week a paper was passed around re
questing the signatures of the clerks in favor of
uniforming. The proposition doesn’t appear to
strike the clerks favorably, and they growl, and
swear at Oneida county and country states
men, and then generally sign their names.
Some of the clerks, however, possess such reck
less independence that they actually signed
their names in oppositisn to the uniform, and
tho petty deputies held their hands up in hor
ror, and wanted to know if there wasn’t danger
of the post-office building falling upon such ir
reverent wretches. We haven’t learned the style
of uniform which the massive intellect that pre
sides over tho destinies of the New York Post-
Office has invented, but we doubt not that it
will be something peculiarly beautiful. When
the uniform becomes a fact instead of an intent
we shall publish a fuM description of it in our
“ :ashion gossip.” It is a delightful thing to
be an office-holder, especially in the Post-Office,
where you are paid starvation wages, and your
style of dress is prescribed for you. But, thank
heaven, the poor fellows haven’t had the sort
of victuals they must eat dictated in a general
order. So long as this is not done the Post-
Office clerks are not altogether slaves.
AN AGREEAB E CONTRAST-
The leading Democratic politicians of New
Orleans decidedly condemn the criminal pro
ceedings against the members of the late Re
turning Board, and were glad to chronicle the
fact that Gov. Nichols has emphatically de
clared his intention to pardon the gentlemen in
question in the event of their conviction by a
jury of infuriated and unreconstructed Bour
bons. The declarations of these Louisiana
Democrats contrast very pleasantly with the
frantic demands of such Northern journalists
as Ottendorfcr and the like, that the members
of the Returning Board, whom they brand as
criminals without knowing anything about the
evidence against them, should be sent to< the
penitentiary. Only one Louisiana Democrat,
Col. McEnory, has shown his. bad taste on the
subject by saying that the members, of the Re
turning Board should have been hung four
years ago. Col. McEnery forgets-that he was a
rebel, that he owes his. pardon to. the clemency
of tbe federal administration, and that any
other government but the generous one of the
United States would have surely sent him to the
scaffold twelve years ago. The contrast be
tween a sensible man Like Gov. Nichols and a
malignant like Col. McEnery is very striking,
and it Is decidedly creditable to the Governor.
Louisiana is to be congratulated on having a
Governor who can forget as well as learn.
GREECE’S*OPPORTUNITY.
Owing to British influences and threats, the
King of Greece, who is known to be a very
timid young man, leans just now toward a pa
cific policy, and neglects the golden opportuni
ty of securing for the country over which he
rules those two fertile provinces of Turkey,
Thessaly and Macedonia, which properly belong
to Greece, and which would make her a truly
prosperous country. We cannot believe that
the Greeks: who. notwithstanding their modern
degeneracy, have retained some of the martial
spirit of tnoir glorious ancestors, will allow she
Danish prince, whom the Great Powers placed
upon their throne m 1882, to deprive them by
his timidity, of the splendid chance they have
now of annexing territory properly belonging to
Greece, and without which their country would
remain as poor and relatively powerless as it
now is. A determined Greek invasion of Mace
donia and Thessaly would just now strike terror
into the hearts of the war party at Constantino
ple. and it would powerfully help the Russians
advancing from the North. If the Greeks now
remain passive lookers-on of the great struggle,
while their co-religionists are grappling with
the Crescent, let them never again claim that
they are the descendants of Leonidas, Miltiades
and Themistocles.
General Grant O nce More. —The dig
nity with which General Grant has borne him
self during his European tour, has greatly ruf
fled tne temper of the opposition organs that
honor the Ex-President with their venomous
hatred. Now that tbe General has left Eng
land, we have from that country croaking voices
disparaging certain personal peculiarities which
the Ex-President is accused of having offensive
ly displayed at tho state dinners given in his
honor by aristocratic personages. One corres
pondent even is shocked because General Grant
hardly said a word at a certain banquet “be
tween tbefirst and the last plate.” The corres
pondent in question, however, does not inform
us whether, on that occasion, the Ex-President
was not sandwiched between two persons with
whom he did hot care to converse. Another
correspondent from London was sickened by
the manner in which “the Piorrepont and
Adam Badeau clique ” clung to Grant’s coat
tails. Everybody that knows Mr. Piorrepont
and General Badeau, is aware of the fact that
they are polished, gifted gentlemen, whose com
pany is decidedly preferable to that of a great
many members of the British aristocracy. Bur.
the bight of absurdity is reached by a corres
pondent from London, who clasps his hands in
holy horror because, after the close of the enter
tainment given Grant by tne Prince of Wales,
at Marlborough House, he wished ta smoke a
cigar I And this in the face of the well-known
aversion to tobacco smoking which her majesty
the queen, who was not present on,the occasion,
entertains! How horrible! How shocking!
Especially when wo bear in mind the refined
tastes of General Grant’s- host,, the heir-appa
rent of the British throne! Let General Grant
behave during his further progress through
Europe with the same dignity and discretion as
heretofore, and his countrymen will be proud
of, and grateful to him.
The Death of Bishop Ketteler.—
The death of this gifted man, who suddenly
died on Friday, deprives the German Ultramon
tanes of then- boldest and ablest leader. His
influence extended far beyond the important
diocese of Mayence, over which he presided,
since 1850, in a manner which extorted admira
tion even from his most decided political and
religious enemies. An eminent pulpit orator,
a wonderful organizer, an astute politician; a
man of spotless integrity, an austere ascetic,
and a brilliant writer, he was the Ultramontane
whom Bismarck had most to fear. The de
ceased bishop’s career was a remarkable one.
In his early years he led the same wild, and
reckless life as bis great antagonist Bismarck.
He was a jolly student, squandered a fortune,
and became a captain of gay huzzars. In that
capacity be fought numerous duels, the scars
of some of them he retained for life. In 1848
he made his mark in the German Parliament,
and after its dissolution devoted himself to
theological studios. A few controversial pam
phlets which he published in 1849 attracted the
attention of the Vatican, and the See of May
ence was awarded to him. Justice requires us
to add that his charitable efforts in his diocese
were indefatigable, and that he did an immense
amount of good among his extensive flock.
Bishop Ketteler’s adroitness was best proved
by the fact that, while so many of his episcopal
colleagues have recently been deposed by the
German Government, in consequence of their
infractions of the so-called May Laws, he-never
came into collision with the prosecuting officers,
although his opposition to the imperial policy
was as uncompromising as that of any other
German bishop.
An Honor. —The present contemptible
government of France has done our sprightly
and brilliant cotemporary, the Courrier des
Etats Unis, the honor of forbidding its circula
tion in that country. The Cbumer is one of
the ablest and most interesting journals issued
in the French language. It is moderately Re
publican in its treatment of French politics,
but the infamous conduct of the conspirators,
whose catspaw MacMahon has become, has ex
cited its just indignation, and it has recently
handled Fourtou, De Broglie and their accom
plices without gloves. Its trenchant articles
on MacMabon’s coup d’etat have attracted.gen
eral attention in France, and we believe that
the order of prohibition now issued against its
circulation in that country will gain it thou
sands of new subscribers. Years ago Bismarck
was misled by a foolish subordinate into pro
hibiting the circulation of the New York Staats
ZeUung in Prussia, on account of certain* arti
cles hostile to King William, whom Ottendor
fer, as a former subject of the Emperor Francis
Joseph of Austria, hated as bitterly as he ex
tols his virtues now that the bulk of the Ger
mans in New York are on Wiliam and Bismarck’s
side. The result of Bismarck’s short-sighted
order was that large numbers ot people in the
old country had the Staats Zeitung sent to them
in envelopes. They speedily, however,.discon
tinued their subscriptions when they found out
the true character of Mr. Ottendorfer’s paper.
That such will not be the case with the French
subscribers of the Courrier des Etats Unis may
be foreseen from the truly excellent character
of that journal;
A Stupid Story. —The Denver corres
pondent of tho Herald sends to that journal a
letter allegiog.that the State of Colorado was
carried last Fall for Hayes and Wheeler through
clever management and liberal personal sacri
fices of Ex-U.. 8.. Marshal Mark Shaffenburg,
then under conviction for forging vouchers, and
thereby robbing the United States of an im
mense sum of money. This man Shaffenburg,
the correspondent in question asserts, further
more, owed his. appointment to. tbe Hon Mr.
Chaffee, whom he helped to elect, to the United
States Senate with the understanding that Chaf
fee should exert his influence at Washington in
order to have the criminal proceedings against
him quashed. This promise was, according to
the same correspondent, not kept by Mr. Chaf
fee. Hayes, be says, who would not have been
chosen without Shaffenburg’s influence, re
fused to> pardon him, and Shaffenburg is now
serving out a two years’ sentence in the Kansas
penitentiary. The whole correspondence is a
tissue of falsehoods. Shaffenburg was in jail
during the whole of the Presidential campaign,
unable to furnish* bail. He was not appointed
by Senator Chaffee, but through the unfortu
nate influence which’ a set of unscrupulous
politicians at Lafayette,, Indiana, owning mining
claims in Colorado, had with President Grant,
who, however, as soon as Shaffenburg, whose
real name is Max A. Shaffenburg, was proved to
be a thief, promptly removed him, and reiusod
to pardon him after bis conviction;
Good Advice.—Liquor dealers should
promptly comply with the law as it stands at
present. Those who have licenses should not
be deterred from bringing persons illicitly sell
ing alcoholic spirits promptly to justice. Tbe
supreme tribunal of our State has given its
final decision, and resistance to it cannot but
result disastrously for those foolhardy enough
to undertake it. The only remedy for those in
jured by the decision of the Court of Appeals is
to vote this Fall only for candidates for the
Legislature pledging themselves in the most
binding manner to give us a sensible and satis
factory Excise Law; and, in this connection, we
wish to call attention- to the indisputable fact
that the present unsatisfactory state of affairs
is largely due to Mr. John Kelly and his tools in
the last Legislature, who were solely bent upon
defeating municipal reform bills, and, to that
euiL neglected nearly everythipg els®.
I The Louisiana Breach op Faith.—
Tbs noise which the Opposition papers are
making over the wretched breach of faith com
mitted by the Louisiana officials who brought
on an indictment against the members of the
Returning Board, will not mislead any sensible
people. The indictment unquestionably eman
ated from the bitter partisan hatred that ani
mates the Bourbon wing of the Democratic
party in Louisiana against all the prominent
Republicans in that State. The District Attor
ney, and the Criminal Judge, as well as the
Grand Jury that had something to do with the
indictment, are without exception, venomous,
unreconstructed rebels. In a struggle With
Republicans they have no claim whatever to
judicial fairness. The people of the North will
laugh to scorn their indictments, their trials,
and biased judgments ; and all they will ac
complish will be to furnish additional evidence
as to how little they can be trusted when their
political prejudices and hatreds are involved,
and how unfounded their loud-mouthed claims
to true chivalry are. We trust that it is true
that Governor Nichols is utterly opposed to the
whole proceeding. In that event, his course
would contrast very favorably with that of a
few Republican journals which are moan enough
to covertly and insidiously attack President
Hayes in connection with this barefaced and
indefensible breach of faith in Louisiana.
Those Street Bells. — The Police
Commissioners have issued orders to the effect
that the philanthropists who traverse the streets
at unreasonable hours of the night, and an
nounce, by ringing largo bells furiously, that
they have ice cream for sale at one cent a dish,
shall no longer be permitted to disturb the
slumbers of sleepy people by that kind of
noise. This order is very kind on the part of the
Police Commissioners, but will they not go one
step further and extend the above-mentioned
prohibition to the milkmen and fish-venders ?
The milkmen begin to utter their horrible yells
shortly after three o’clock in the morning.
They seem to vie in inventing now sorts of In
dian war-whoops. In no city on earth would
they be permitted to disturb public tranquility,
seriously injure sick persons, and make horri
ble nuisances of themselves. Will the Police
Commissioners please attend to them ? As re
gards the fish-venders, there is an ordinance
forbidding the use of tin horns on their part.
Why is it not enforced? The icecream bells
are less tormenting to sensitive ears than the
discordant notes which the fish-tooters elicit
from their ear-racking instruments. It is high
time to squelch them, and the police violate
their duty in tolerating their noisy impudence.
More Turkish Lies. —The Koran sol
emnly forbids its believers to utter falsehoods.
The present Turkish government officials must
be very bad Mussulmans, for over since the
breaking out of the war with Russia, they have
lied in so bare-faced a manner as to eclipse that
most wonderful of story-tellers, Baron Mun
chausen. A few days ago tho official dispatches
from Constantinople solemnly asserted that the
whole Russian army in Asia Minor was not only
badly beaten, but utterly demoralized, and un
fit for offensive movements; and now comes the
nows that the Russians under General Tergu
kassoff have not only raised the siege of Baya
zid, but inflicted a decisive defeat upon the
Turkish troops.. If the Russians seriously
meant’to threaten Constantinople from the di
rection of Asia Minor, they would have given
Mukhtar Pasha and the other Turkish generals
in command there a great deal more trouble.
But the truth is the-real struggle is taking place
south of the Danube, and there tho affairs of
the Sultan are in anything but a prosperous
condition.
An Insolent Humbug. — The Troy
Whig savs: “ Alonzo> B. Cornell is undoubted
ly a very good organizer, but it does not follow
that he is indispensable to the Republican or
ganization in this State, In fact, he and his
Custom-House followers have been a fruitful
cause of weakness in tho Republican party of
the State. His retirement would not be an un
mixed evil.” With the latter part of these re
marks we fully agree,, but the statement that
Cornell is “ a very good organizer ” we plumply
deny. By his organizing, by his insolent
management, by his utterly unscrupulous use
of the “machine ” he has driven from the party
many men worthy of being members of any
party. His organizing talents have made the
State Democratic by 50,000 majority. When
this wonderful organizer got control of the
“ machine ” the State was Republican by from
30,000 to 50,000 in any election which called out
a full vote. The Republican party will bo well
rid of an Insolent humbug.
An Unnecessary Endorsement. —
Notwithstanding the efforts of the Opposition
press to represent the investigation into the
manner in which Grover' secured bis election to
the United States Senate as utterly fruitless,
the matter has unquestionably a very ugly
look, and, in connection with Grover’s suspi
cious conduct in the Cronin Nose case, it seems
to us that the Senate should bo decidedly re
luctant to admitting him to his seat. Grover’s
case is made worse by the endorsement given
to him by C. B. Bellanger, chairman of the Ore
gon Democratic Central Committee, who tele
graphs to the New York. Opposition press that
Grover is as pure as a new-born babe, and that
he did not pay a cent for his election. Mr. C.
B. Bellanger’s endorsement is worth very little,
for ho was one of the most active conspirators
in the Cronin Nose plot. Lot him hold his
tongue. He is hurting Grover.
Journalistic Rope-Walking.— Otten
dorfer is just now performing the most won
derful tricks as a journalistic acrobat. He de
plores with crocodile tears the impending
downfall of the Republican party, and declares
with.streaming eyes that in ease the better ele
ments of the party could obtain control of it
he himself might bo inclined to join it—where
by we suppose he means that if the Republi
cans would gratify his- ambitious pride by elect
ing.him to a conspicuous office, for which he is
totally unfit, he would temporarily join their
ranks.. As there is absolutely no prospect what
ever of the Republicans committing so silly a
blunder as to make Mr. Ottendorf er their cham
pion, we suppose that he will, as usual, do the
dirty work, of Tammany Hall next Fall, after
flirting, for a few months previously with the
Republicans and Anti-Tammany Hall Demo
crats.
The English Army.—The English
army is.an;excellent army, but it is too weak to
cope with the immense standing armies of Con
tinental. Europe, and hence it is useless to in
dulge in. any speculations about England’s
military intervention in favor of tho Sultan.
We doubt if she could send to any point of the
seat of war a force of seventy-five thousand
troops, and we regard as preposterous the non
sense which certain journals, in discussing this
subject, are talking about the 600,000 Sepoys
which England could call to arms in India and
convey to Europe. Such an undertaking would
be utterly impossible, aside from the fact that
the cold climate of Europe would be certain
to prove fearfully destructive to tho Sepoy
troops.
♦
A High Toned Opinion.—Ottendorf er
says that President Hayes is a man of low in
stincts. That settles it. When a statesman of so
exalted a character, and endowed with instincts
as loity and high toned as tho editor of the
Staals Zeitung, condemns the moral proclivities
of Mr. Hayes, the latter must certainly be a
man from whom respectable people had better
keep away. Unfortunately, Mr. Ottendorfer is
almost alone in the belief that he himself is a
high-toned statesman. Most people think that
his incessant attempts to force himself upon
public attention, pass himself off as a political
leader, and to affect a knowledge of public af
fairs which bo does not possess, aro only proofs
of asinine stupidity and ludicrous arrogance.
Stop That Nonsense !—Tho temper
ance mischief-makers aro still discussing the
silly question whether or not President Hayes
is a total abstinence man. Tho President is a
temperate man, but not one of tho Maine Law
fanatics. Let the latter now go on and de
nounce him, make once more asses of them
selves, and help again that wonderlul temper
ance association, the Democratic party 1 These
I bigots are a pest ta tho Republican party, and
they will confer a real favor upon it by hence
forth keeping out of it.
Disraeli to Retire. —The news comes
from England that “ Dizzy.” alias the Earl of
Beaconsfield, is about to retire from politics
forevermore. This decision on his part is attri
buted to his failing health. The truth is that
the failure of his Oriental policy is the cause of
his impending retirement. That policy was
one based upon the mistaken idea that, as in
1854, public opinion in Europe would pronounce
against Russia. The contrary proved the case.
France being powerless, and Austria bankrupt,
England found herself m an isolated position,
to extricate herself from which she has thus
far vainly endeavored. Disraeli is an able and
brilliant man, and this unsatisfactory close of
his long public career is sad to contemplate.
How to Get Rich. —Start a life-insur
ance company or savings bank in New York,
rope in as many gudgeons as you can, and then
fail. This is the easiest way of accumulating a
fortune now-a-days.
and taK
“PHILLUP SMITH.”
He looked seedy, and as if he hadn’t had any
thing to live on but gin for a month. His hat
looked like a concertina, and he was walking on
his uppers. As ho waltzed into the court room
in company with a policeman, the Judge looked
at him as much as to say, “Oh 1 wont I salt it
to you.” After three or four tossers of the flow
ing bowl had been asked to visit the “island”
it came his turn.
“Well, what’s your name?"
“Smith, your Honor.”
“John I”
“No, Phillup.’
“That’s what you do every night, I guess.
What’s the charge officer ?”
“Drunk and disorderly, and highway rob
bery.”
Then Smith began to howl. He began to rub
his hand over his diaphragm, and said that he
was shot in the late war. That a minnie ball
had been wandering around his body for ten
years. The doctor had told him that he might
die at any moment. “There!” he said, “I
guess it struck a vital part just then. I’m go
ing to have a fit now.”
“John,” said his Honor to the officer, “ take
him out under the pump and see if you can’t
prevent that fit. A quart of prevention is worth
a barrel of cure. Philip you may have been
wounded in the late war, but it’s better late
than never. You have been shot a great many
times since. You look like an honest man. I
would not believe a dozen officers if they all
told me that when you saw that little piece of
chain sticking out of Mr. Thompson’s pocket,
you knew that there was a mean little silver
watch on the end of it. You merely wanted to
notify Mr. Thompson that he was losing his
chain. You look as if you had been well brought
up. You have been well brought up here a
dozen times, and a dozen times when you were
not well. I feel for you from the bottom of my
heart. Now reciprocate. Feel for me—in your
pocket and see if you can find twenty-five dol
lars. No you can’t. That’s unfortunate, for
the clerk is a little short of money this morning.
Philip, I would let you go out into this cruel
world unattended and unprotected, but some
evil disposed person might get hold of you and
steal that nice suit of clothes. I must provide
for you. There will be first-class skating next
Winter. You will bo down from the country by
that time. You can get a nice set of car muffs
and fasten them to that straw hat. You can
stuff that duster, paint a grate on its back, and
fasten a red pepper in your button hole. You can
put some mustard in your shoes, and let your
hands grow right along just as they are, and
then you will keep nice and warm, and you ’can
have a splendid time up at the park. Now,
Philip, be sure you don’t let anybody teach you
anything wrong where you are going, for there
are some very naughty people up at Mr. Black
well's house. Au renoir, six months, Philip.”
And when Philip was being hoisted into the
“Maria” he threatened to sue the kind-hearted
Judge for breach of promise.
TiJE BOOK FIEND.
The editor’s wife had just died and he was
writing up an obituary notice, when the door
way was darkened and a cadaverous looking
book peddler stood before him.
“ I would like to have you subscribe for the
‘History of the Flood,’” said he. “It's beau
tifully illustrated, and the sketches are all made
by an eye witness. It is issued in monthly
numbers, and there are one hundred and sixty
eight of them. You don’t look as if you would
ive as long as that. Let’s see, one hundred
and sixty-eight months, that’s (12) into (16)
goes once and (4) over, into (48), (4) times,
that’s (14) years. No, you’ll have passed to
the shining shore before that, so it’s no use,
but may be you’d subscribe for ‘How to Keep
Ice AU Winter,’ or ‘Simpson on Corns.’ Let
mo see, they each run through two years. If
you stop drinking, you’ll live (4) years. Maybe
you can get up a club In tho office. If you do
I’ll present you with a nice door plate for that
coffin you hung up tho undertaker for this
morning.”
The editor seemed pleased at this offer, and
asking tho man to take a seat started out
to get up a club. He went Into tho reportorial
room and had a conversation with the boys.
They had all evidently heard of the wonderful
books, for they looked pleased, and they went
down stairs in a body. When they came back
their coats stuck out behind, and they ail wore
determined looks. They visited the editor’s
room, and wore introduced to the peddler.
“You all look like nice young men,” he be
gan. “I think I saw you,” pointing to the re
ligious reporter, “in tho penitentiary in ’63.
No? Then it must have been your father. Do
you get drunk as often as usual ?” said ho to
the “funny man.”
They were gradually closing in upon him.
“Your editor said that be would endeavor to
get up a club and—” then he could not tell
whether it was a thunderbolt, or the East River
Bridge tower, or a jackass. It felt like all three
multiplied by a baker’s dozen. Yesterday
“Hungry,” the office dog, finished his last
bone.
SMALL CHANGE.
He was about starting out on his tour,
and his curiosities were low. He heard, of a
Western manager who had a superfluous fat
woman, and he telegraphed to Chicago, “ Send
on fat woman; I’ll pay all expenses.” The man
ager telegraphed, “All right; she’s on her.way.
Please see that she reaches her friends all
right.” He immediately billed the town. There
wasn’t a fence but had the picture of tho “ fat
test woman in the world ” plastered up against
it. He kept sending and receiving messages
from the man who had charge of her. She was
to make the biggest hit of the seasom. The day
arrived for her appearance. The. tent was
crowded. It was way past the time, for her ar
rival. The people were shouting for her.
Three o’clock camo, and with it a large truck.
On the truck was what looked, like a double
barreled refrigerator. “Too warm for her to
travel outside,” said the delighted manager.
“Where will we put her?” said tbs man who
had charge of her. “You’d better bury her
pretty quick, or there’ll be- trouble around.”
She had been dead a week, and the fact had
been published in all the newspapers; but tho
manager hadn’t beard of it, and the Western
man had thought that the New York man was a
relative of hers. Then thoee bills had to come
down. This caused more, expense. Then there
was trouble in the tent. Then the old girl had
to be planted. That manager was out, way
out, and he proposes to understand his busi
ness thoroughly before he invests in any large
sized curiosities again.
A little Richmond boy’s deg found a
kite in the street, and brought it home to his
master. The next day he brought home a small
ball of cord and deposited that at his master’s
feet. The same afternoon he brought home a
piece of another dog’s tail, and then tho boy
had the whole business.
His Sunday-school teacher told his
father that be had told a lie, and then his father
took him out to the wood-house and whaled
him. It was afterw'ard found out that he had
only said “lona Island,” and then the old man
went for the teacher and. treated him to a whal
ing voyage.
Deacon Smith was once a carpenter,
and occasionally he still takes the adz A5 y.
Herald. No more plane on words like that.—
Gin. Star. The worst we ever saw.— lnd. News.
Augur long now.—®. Louis Journal. We
might brace up a bit and add one bad! as any
of the foregoing, but the probabilities are that
some scissors fiend would chisel it before ft was
two days old.— Norristown Herald. Scratchawl
that out and begin again.— Brooklyn Union.
If it wasn’t tool late, and we hadn’t been nail
ing, we would say we could have done better
than that when we were a shaver; board it’s a
fact, nevertheless. Square deal! No gouge!
You can hammer us if it ain’t so.
Toodlbs again breaks forth in the
obituary lino:
Hare lieth the body of one who in life
Was known as Mebltable Max.
The folks all declared, a.ter she’d been laid ouf.
That she’d the appearance of wax.
She bad the neuralgia, pneumonia, and cramps—
No human was e’er troubled more-
TiU Returning Board Death took a hand in th«
count,
And she passed to the evergreen shore.
How beautiful is the following:
Bartholomew Mackey was ragged and lean,
His elbows periled out, then peeped iu again,
Through the ho.es in his coat, and last’Monday
night
He encountered big Michael Finnegan.
And Mike with Bartholomew swept up tne floor.
And broke every bone in his back;
And Michael's plug hat held Mackey's remains
When they carried him home in a hack.
Too Sensitive.— 0 Our Jim,” who lives
over in Brooklyn, recently obtained a position
on the reportorial staff of a paper over there.
Jim stayed there just one week. In writing a
“Personal” for a celebrated physician of the
Eastern District, Jim said: “Dr. -recently
performed a wonderful operation on an old lady o!
this city. She was dying with tho consump
tion when Dr.. —— was called in. He cut her
open, and inserted a leather lung. Strange to
say, the woman is now—dead.” When tho edi
tor read it, he said something that Jim didn’t
like, and Jim resigned. What he said was:
“If I ever catch you in this office again, I'll
break you in two.”
He thought that he would have some
fun at his wife’s expense, and so he said, “Em
ma, do you know the difference be,tween that
grass-cutter and you ?” She said the. t- was ev
ery difference in the world; but that wasn't the
: right answer. “Because,” said 1.0; and his
mouth began to assume the proportions of ths
entrance to a cave, “ because one’s a sick-1 and
tho other’s a well Em.” The next minute s
piece of that sickle as big as a butter-crackei
found its way into his leg, and now ho cuts th«
grass with a pair of scissors.
“ Darling, do you remember when we
first met? Do we love each other now as well
as we did then? Will we always love each
other as wo do now? But kiss me, pot—l
must hurry to the office; but I will return as
soon as possible.” “Yes, George, do; and
please stop at the Dutchman’s and get a bot
tle of bedbug poison. I was scratching all
night.”
“ Equestrian” asks : “ Will you please
tell me on which side a gentleman should ride
when accompanying ladies who sre horseback
riding?” Always ride on the outside. The
horses do not like it so well when you try to get
inside. Some horses that are well trained, how
ever, may not mind it. But we think tho old
way is the best.
All our citizens are now departing for
the country. A week’s release from the cares
of business invigorates a man and better fits
him for work. The pure country air makes one
feel like a new man. How pleasant and healthy
it is to retire early and arise with the lark, and
with your back full of flowers off of the cheap
bed quilt.
“It's only a letter,” said he, and he
sigbed;
“Writ iu a female band.
Does she bid me hope, or give up in despair f
What’s contained in that little band ?”
Then he caro’.u ly opened the envelope,
And turned pale as these words he saw:
“If yer don't pay mo mother fur washin' them
shirts,
I'll burst yer gol darned jaw."
Down East they have what they call
“meander parties,” tor gentlemen only. About
ton o’clock several heads aro poked in at the
window, and shrill voices halloo “Augustus 1"
or “ Lemuel 1” as the case may be, and several
gentlemen proceed to meander homeward. It
is feared that tho entertainment will not be
come popular.
It is rumored that the Sultan has issued
an irad. Ho should.have done so long ago; the
situation of affairs has demanded it for some
time, and the people will hail it with pleasure;
An irad at this crisis means to Turkey and
Roumania—somebody tell us what a pesky irad.
is, anyhow.
A congregation in Massachusetts re
solved to give the pastor a vacation. They
raised him six dollars, and told him to travel
on that to his heart’s content. He is now va
cating among the rural districts, traveling on
foot and getting his meals by prayers and
cheek.
A Brooklyn man went to the peniten
tiary for his health. He was unwell, and his
physician told him to go right home and: take
something. He went right home and took his
employer’s watch. He calls that going to tho
penitentiary for his health.
At a recent party in lowa a young man
sat. upon.a. pyramid of ladies’ hats. Rising
quickly,,he glided from the room,.and bolted
for the depot, .where he poked his head into tho
ticket.office and yelled, “ When does- tho next
train leave for Batoum ?”
■ When Gen. Sherman wishes to move a
portion of our regular army he asks himself,
“Shall I pack.him in cotton and label the box
military skeleton ?" The shadow of our army
just now wouldn’t protect a cabbage plant from
the sun.
A preacher crying out in the midst of
his sermon.. “ How long,. O,Lord, how long?"
was startled, to hear a money-lending old dea
con pipe out, “Twelve months at twelve per
cent., secured by first mortgage.”
A Kansas man has invented a milking
machine.. He tried, it on a cow tho other day
and she liked it first rate.. The pail baiu’t come
down since, and he has to lie on his side whor
he goes to bed..
We know some philosophers fvho are
at loss to account for the one bright hair under
neath their beefsteax; but the problem of life
is no.impediment to their comprehensive intel
lect-
“If you had'been David what would
you have done with Absalom?” asked a Sunday
school teacher of a little ten-year-old. “ Sent
him. to. the Reform Farm 1” was the reply.
The young men who wear the new styll
of collar generally have heavy weights iu tboii
pockets or tie knots in their coat tads to pre
vent them from going through.
Mai'.sf.illes, France, imported ninety
two tons of human hair last week. This ac
counts tor the remarkable number of bald
headed men in that city.
Thebe is something consoling in the
thought that over on the evergreen shore one
will not encounter the roaming minstrel nor
the lightning rod man.
A fashion journal says that.pockets are
worn flatter. We don’t see bow it is possible
for them to get flatter than they have been for
several years.
Mrs. Ralston, the California banker’s
widow, has married a man named Candor. We
always thought that it would take candor tc
marry her.
Pills, salts, seidlitz powders and cit
rate of magnesia have become much cheaper
since watermelons have, appeared in the mar
ket.
Some women cannot pass a marble shop
without thinking how their husbands’ names
would show on a tombstone.
Capes will be worn in the backs of bon
nets this year, and peninsular waists will re
main in fashion..
Smith’s boy swallowed a fine-tooth
comb lately, and tickled himself to death.
Woman is religious when she is a littla
cross,