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...... rfl ??: C? i ?Yegctablc Preparation for As? simila ting the 1er.;. ling (lie ?tomadus aodBo'vcLs of Ixfams^Childken Promoles ?i^cstion.Cheerfiil ncssandRcst.Contains neither Opium.Morphine nor MiaeioL Not Narcotic. /**yr at-Ota VrS'XUEL VTClIZ? ,!lx Si nun ' /itimtllt .M.'t - /tnin Scxil * J\y.rmint - /,. Curian* Soi;, ? ?Urm.fcJ - ?'lmfitii Sugttr . imtuyrnn nmrw! Arx'tfect Remedy for Constipa? tion, Sour Stornr.ch.Dianhoca.l! Worms .Convulsions.Fcwrish ncss andLoss OF SLLL^. Tac Simile Signature of NEW YORK. EXACT COPY OF WRAHPtR, SEE THAT THE ?AC-SIMILE SIGNATURE 18 ON THE WRAPPER CF EVERY BOTTTTt?? OP Canter?a '.3 pit rp in one-size bottles only. It 1i ia f-'.k. Don't allow anyon? to soU yon anything aise on the plea or promise that it ?i? "jtst at good" and "will answer every pur? pose." **? Set, that yon got O-A-S-T-0-s-I-A. 1 ^??Zt&ifMZ&e i? ;ak&Qj\?rto CUHECOi'STIPATIOH 10? ? 25* 50* I?BSOLUTEL?GU' Jplpst.il bookli't trrr. I 1 ALL DRUGGISTS Isatis*, fasf.-tret? are the I,liai Laxa I) ii.luriil n-ull?. Sani-i SH E X A IN IM) A H COUNTY nun ai im association. il?m? Office. Woodstock, Va. ??Kl It'ERNi D.NEWMAN, : G " d mager, .1. W 8 iNTMIEK, Vue Pr?t. M. ti. WUNDER, Beorewry. M. COl'FMAN. Trtnuiurer DIKKiOKS: B.D. NEWMAN, M P>. WUNDER? D. C. o KLaIIERTY. .1 W. .-ANTMlKi', F. 8. PEN NYB ACKER, b. f. burden, L. s. WALKER, ??: 1. STICKLEY, II li. HA?N, .J'iSlAH STICK LEY W. A PENCE. JAS. M. PAINTER. A.m tu, IVeeiniier. :U-t, i-'.?l.S74.359 95 A Kneif, H. ,.eilit).r,;'.l-l- 1*?.. 1178,602 81 iSM-t?, lh-,ember, 9Ctb. 1-9!. 1310,4:17 7? Sssets, Peosmeor SI HM. M4I.S77.3J Asarla liccemiierSl \-X> . 1571,429,011 Asset?. Ii.ieini.ir ?l I., l&9fl.|81**,B47 90 tleste* a<h aneeO ou t he ?Stoi k t? Un- AasiisrlaSlon, or loaned ou real t-fliite Betiuiil? n eaay terms. - deHir iiitt to provide for tlietiiM 1? r>s homes, orto pay OS iiidebtwiniss in tea?, outtily paya ?ota ?ill Snd the An*, ciation to be jiiKt. what they want. Addretui M b. WUNDER Swty. Woodstock. Va., lor paper? and luforuialion: Mar. 9?tf HEADQUARTERS Fi >R Wim lAllli BEST HAND h'?fc HARN.Si BEST FAG'i?t.Y HARNES?? rARNLSS OF ALL GRADES. SADDLES, BRIDLES,TRUNKS, VALISES, ROBES, iVhips, Cottars, Streat Cottars* And every Ibing in our line at the low? est prices. Call to see us, before nurcha.sini .1 A. DY8ART & ?JO 1?" WOODSTOCK MARBli W?E.:S, is ^"mdmock. VA. in its seirurvi.: Tombs and all Kinds the Pacific, ???-ttfy Work. ? "Tl?>,v*"H}' ,,,v* "" Tlnrtv-eigbt pe? wounded in I(|V? i?i\Y0FR poetdly accident?? .v.ii mir ?MESE] ! '"?^?^^"T^reTreT.t.ii.H-.l mu? ?M I'*? \ i^.iriici'OOP^irrU.BP.r.-O-? l'ami .veci?" ?er?? P"?1"""" S > ,'!?,'nhoto.. with descrip-j , -??le , ura"'"- '?', ,1,1, ?r net. free ol? 'A p?ar?LtT , d (urci((n countrl??! in l ie <. j osentiree. AM*?*< _?_? al ?msw J c.A.swovv&cq. HE COULDN'T HELP IT An.I He frov.-.l It (a (lie C..1..1..1'. Sat l.riiclion. A corporal in one of the regiments : Chiekamaaga Park had be come entaagled with a difficulty, am! at a resal? of ??, add?Ml to an accua of similar such, he was called to ap ? ? officer, I man, and you ought to con? duct yourself differently." "1 was drunk, sir," explained the corporal, very contritely. "That is no excuse. Don't you know it Is wrong to get drunk?" sir," admitted the corporal. Without cavil. "Then why do you do It?" "1 can't help it, sir." "You cannot excuse your fault that ray, sir," said the colonel sternly. "You know you can if you want to." "Hut I can't, sir." "Yea, you can," insisted the colonel. "\ man t an help doing anything If he his mind to it." ? stood up straight and D' your pardon, sir," he said, "but do yon think when I heard that id got ?uto a scrap with .raroot-smokin' Spanny : dl at i .vas askin' his hoys to take a band with bini to lick 'cm off the face cf the earth that I could help dropping - ve; vthini" right then and there and ru ni;' tip a gun and takln' a hold with tne old mas and the other boys? - ?>. i oh nel, do you think a man about could help doin' just what I ? ne and beiif ripht here ready when the word?" The colonel was stumped for an In? stant Then he get up and took the il'i band. ut of tliis," he said hurriedly; "set ont. and if von ever get drunk ctin I'll have you put in the guard U d aailed up until the war is over." Time.? ?ire M lian' that the price of a compliment has ben reduced from fif y cent! to a quarter. IT >"i want to borrow money don't work your friend for a few cents'; work a bank cashier for a lot. a wotn.an has bad experience !,i knows that a nun is just as mean In fore man lags as after. About all a girl does for her little brother la to jerk his clothes and say, i woman knows a man thor ingbly she It content with the compli ? lie asks for a second piece of D t (iraise her cooking. :' a newspaper ?.elilum lasts inure than a year; at the year ail the women hate her. II ? ? |i any Important new? from ir a man can always hear leetlng his work to run to ? Is. 11 is like hat in the wind: the other fel ow alwayi chases it. When a woi up to take her .! she Is fall ng ihort of her duty unless she spends - fifteen minutes in sweeping ?way her gu? for not Stay. of teaching a little piano- | ilayli - dab in paints, da?e rlrl fitted for a wife, ?he should be given a drill m develop* ng her patience, Any msrried woman a!1 a limit that she bus more need of than ?he has of the two? it? P. _ ll.-r I II .oint um. "There is one thing I want distinctly jnderstood," said t're only daughter of i bold, as she cornered her pa : d looked as though shs were ?suing a proclamation of war. "I want Interference in my affairs as tar as the young men who come here ue concerned. I'm old enough to ex I own judgment and form ray >wn opinions. You two act very much nil you thought some miing man was trying to marry the and thst it devolved up jii you to mak? tory selection. You ban . in running off two for whom I had a special Ilk i.e. and now I call a halt. That's my m." "8ee here, my young lady," began lie father. But that was as far as he lb wns curtly Informed hat young men did not call to get his riewi on financial question, the ihances of a war with Spain, or the ad? vantages offend by Michigan for the ?cet sugar Industry, They had access o the newspapers, and read ajl the ' lews that it cost millions of dollars to He did not amount to any ?nore than a tin whistle at a band toiir ?anient. ?Elizabeth, I'll not permit any such alk to your father. I guess we know vl ;,i ,.; bMt for you anil we certainly nva your welfare at hear:. I give you Inctlj B?d?PftMld i ,;o distinctly understand. You i t I y silting at ttic ,1 telling Charley that I baked 1h hot biscuits that I never saw tili re served. One dose of them ?uined his digestion and 1 don't blame lim for not risking his life with such mpposed danger as a constant nenat e." Then she fled in tears. Klrrtric K?n? In M?*|ila? ?'?M. 0nP of the latest hot-weather rrlaklM is the pladag; ,lf dactrie fans n the sleeping-cars of one of t> ?-panics. It Is-a good idea and las met with the universal favor of the MtrOM of, the rotd. With the aid of wo NMnch rotary electric fans the hot nn! Impure air of th? ear is mad n,i comforl ible. Thli Idee remely simple, bul 'his is apparently he first time it has been utilized. i-.' "? "' """??'? Ccn. Crook Is quo:..! by Edward K. Ellis as having seen an Apache lone for 1 .'.(Mi feet up the side of a moun? tain without showing the firs! ?! fatigue, there being do perceptible sign of increase of respiration Cap!. H L. Scott, of the seventh cavalry, has related some astonishing (M formed bv the Chtracaboa Apach?s forming Troop 1- of his regiment. He tells how nine of these Indiana, after a hard day's work, by way of recrea? tion pursued a i '.vote for two hoar! capturing the nin:V,'e l.rure and brought It Into camp; now. r.-i another occasion, the scouts gave ehase to a deer, ran It down some oil rom ,amP a',(1 fetched it in alive M-nee. I see no good reason for doubting the word of in old-timer I met la.the Rocky moun? tains, who told me that, in the days be? fore the Atlantic and Pacific railroad was built, the Pima Indians of Arizo? na would recover settlers' stray horse*, along the overland trail, by walking them down In the coins" of two or three days. After this one may begin to believe that "Lying Jim' wourth. whose remarkable adventures early in this eentury are preserved in book form, was a much maligned man and that he spoke no more than the troth when he said he had known in? stances of Indian runners accomplish? ing upwards of 110 miles in one day. Intarrollnc >l|llili?. The unsalaried office always has to IMS the man. An old hen never fears op] from the egg-plant. Some men Barer respect the they are unable to understand. No woman is ever as young as she expects others to think she look-. The man who chews els) - quite free from the breath of Mon. The less energy a man has tl ? ? r it is for him to drift into matri? mony. The life of a < horns girl can't be so very wearing, judging from :.? parel. It Isn't pride that makes the gallery ?ods look down on the rest of the audi? ence. A Juetlce of the peace Is the only peace connected with some matrimon? ial experiments. The only way a man can find out lust what a woman really thinks of him is to make her angry. The peacemaker Is all right, but he is never appreciated by the man who ig getting the best of it. Ice cream may be unhealthy, but the motive of the young man who I prove it to his girl friends li apt to be misconstrued. A Child'* r n<ti-r?(nn<liii|f. Teacher- "Now that you bavi part in the Memorial day ? you tell me what the e. pecial signifi? cance of this day is?why we keep it as we do?" Tommy Jones?"We have Memorial day so the boys can have their road races and the magnates can work in two ball games." Farar Coin* in Wmmt: "WhRt was your chief impression of New York'" "Well, I never bfforc saw a city so full of unknown celebrities." RrRIGAE Wonderful Blood Purifier.. Cures absolutely Rheumatism, .Scr<.f:i'i. S -pHllls, fW ' Sores. Constipation, (lout, and All ihac i-*d l> impure Blood .... TO STAY CURl 1) . Africana Has Never Fuller Ioasiui; e itl?Ul cr out of theh'!".|red 'r-atel Thi-r-f Tr. ,?. to the public with entire conrVlence. and are wil ing i the moet ilesfwrste esse on which oth-r so-called mi have failrd. Africana is made a tngeth r fr.?n herne harmless and yet is the m wl powerral s"d mi r i overe. i for the alnve natnL I diseases. Write for hvthi i trjti ?? .dials, etc. Africana Co., TSLS^r ? by B. SCfllUTT, Draggiat "a CUAftAHTEiwi TOBACCO HABIT Oyer 1.0WCO)boxes sold. 300.0Weurea prwo Itlpovn to deatroy ttedatire for ?.>hacroln any form. No-to-ba?Is thekTeatest LerTe-food In the. world. Many intiii in pound. In l.i dav ? nn?' falls to mike the wenk 'tnpotent man Mmon. rigorous and magnetic Jam trj a Ikii. You will bo do Ii.'Ii'cJ We - re what jk say. for a curt it absolutely puarant?ed b? tlruirtrlsts every ir MKilci' Hm t T?ii?wi suit and Srooke Your Ufa Away." written maraniea aud treciauipM. AddrcMTUE SlKMtlMU r.IM?Ur CO.. ll.lc.-our *ew York. ;. fih?tf. ForSaleby B. SCIIIIITT, Druggist, Woodstock, Va. VALLEY BOILDIi anfl LOAN ASSOCIATION* Home Office, Woodstock, Va. OKI It Kits; .J L. WlSMAN, Pies. ?ti'l trerieTHl Malinger. W. S. FRENCH, Vice President. W. W. LOGAN, Secy, and Treas. DIKEClORUx .1 L WlSMAN, M M.GAMPBBLL, UBO K OKA It Y, M. V. FRENCH. W. V,. LOO.lN. P. W. MAOKUDEH, The following ?rr. igenta for the A'wooiar.ion: H, 0 Bnrgewi, 8tr?*bnrg, V? M. L 8n?rr. H?rrlavill?, Va Ch??. Swartr,. Manrertnwn, Va. Henry A. Whi-Mwui, Editii.nrg, V?. Cbe? Bowman, Ml. Jackaon, V?. C W. Brnnirk, New Mark. I. V.. Cba*. 1). Hsrihon, Haniaouburg, Vs. Joel 8. Bor.lon, lomV Brook, Va. Money advanced on the Stock of the Association, or loaned on real eatate **cnrity Parties deeming to provide tor thennelTre borne*, or to pay oft ind?tbt?dnna* irnmall itintbly pnvDjent" will find the As-ociaMon to b- Juat what tbey want Addrena W. W. LOOAN, Secy, an J fraas. Woodstock, Va , iW papers and in ruoat?i; "H" "" " SOME PAT QUESTIONS I'n.min.'Hi Hag i|.,,, ,| ., Kashewfeslaa He an lam i hreawk men. A simple Quest! 1 pt t fa parllanu it a few I s Kre.i! . m, then iy to? India, gainst a Ion re gardlng tain to H I with emphasis: "Consider! Not nor gtiinaa, but lata of ru | A quiet voice en the Opposition aaked; ' Exactly how much Mr. Curs in o, i nod his month, starn rod, and then, with Eng ? "I re illy don't know." The House langhed, and In that laugh he lost his : similar scans occurred --0 In Cons? ent of Al ttC, ar OD 111" ill.mi of Mu ?' mi m ber. wit (t, nSeved tfa '; with a let? ter from .nig the ruler of Muscat that the !'.? Id al of the no king, but the servant of the was not per ?.Such a let? ter, Mr, be written. But where is it to be sent0 Where is Mi scat?" Thei- was no re v-'rently SOUTHERN RAILWAY Time Table in effect AUG 1st, 1898 Trains Band 3d daily aud 71, 72 and 13 il sill iv. So?. H . . Ull<l lit \ i!,l ll.llli.-OIl l'..r ?!??! iii Inform mon uppln to \ I he frmthc-i n I: ;''? to I., s. IHH>W N,',. er Dep'1 ?r.,mu st. \. ,\.. w.i I.in.ton, D.C 1'. I., i. ANMIX .I.M.i III'. w.A.rri'.K ;n v. |\ \ Ui n. M. rraltJe wan. >?? f.Jk Injrton. I?. C M ^W Norfolk^W'estern ii i iii Schedule hi Efier.t Way Its \*<>B Leave icivertoo, Northbound 8.31 a. iii. I.'-'! a- 10. '. iJ l>. "1 South and Weetooand 9,50 i. m. 1 i ;i. m. ti o7 |> in t?.?' (,^ LURAV QR0TT0E3 Natural bridge JWountain Lake BRISTOL \}y Knoxville / CHATTANOOGA KENOVA CHILLICOTHE COLUMQUS, C AND THE NOR ORLEANS HlCAGO*<lj|/'/~?) THWEST.^^yUG. lVrt/e/crfa/fsMapi Tim* ftttes Slttp^ Car Rnt rve ftvru. DntnytatBamfihlrti. fir anfAgf*tvU WB BEVILL ALLENHi"-!-. 1 MfBMCC. Ce?>? P?:> fl<,c?r. Swtwa r*-s Accc Im?[ii?P<? Aci (Mi as v meal Burkel al 81*0** old ?'?iii .|i the -?VStickley & Boycr Blocks .ti t'oort su.-.t, eppeelte Irwin* I>'riH storr, i. panel tne ssssl anmplefs la ti e '.'.. 1. v We keen all me-tU IB ?e?aon, *?wt wi!l rurm-h no hinjj SO I ' BEEF. MUTTON, VEAL, PORK, SAUSACE, PUDDING.' PUUDINC MJSH, *C. KviwyifeiM rii-i.n and sore sad me?t? set Jowl es ii.-ir,.,i vv,. el way ? aa*e>i fall ?tuck to ??lect from. TV Pwe bi^liewt c-b prirea paM H ni?iIlr>. bnga, vcul sslrss ami poultry. \'t\ n- k "X pl-e> ? he te, f/e* ?'? are dot. rmiii.il to j.l.nne sari eely a?li \ou legivi ?<tn ei eipn lease ? ?'! fell la ai W. R. HITE. nor. !!>? ? found' In the country. It was found at last rman map. \ :. I, and ti. 0 insert M ,. the i; |i heir ng perfon. bombastic ora? tory 111 When i ration in Parliani v it on the omebody rn the knife. I Ban ' Pope ; , when th<- . tly condoled | h him on the sufferings in cert; i villages from earthquake and fai. "How much an ?.- my a?" he said. How many lire does your sympathy The only ajawi to this question was the n . M.n Who Took 8ta I I ,?er. B, & Byfreatar, ?] :u Franklin ft in the i'nion army SI honor uing ami takii .sui Oi aeral fltshugh ? .; I. ? vtiona in a mani in fame aor. | lvester's s'ory . uns rode np*tO a plantatloi lool ... OVl ? ;> to the porch wh Southern homes. spped a ban Slid he: "You ? S.S.S. Cures Sores and Ulcers It Matters Not How Ob? stinate, or What Other Remedies Have Failed. Obstinate sores and ulcers, which refuse to heal under ordinary treat? ment, soon become chronic and deep leated, and lead to conditions most serious. They are caused in different ways, but in every ease the blood is involved, and no amount of local treat? ment can have any effect. The poison must be eliminated from the blood before a cure can be had. THROWN FROM A HORSE. Mr. H. Kulin, of Marion, K.in.-as. writ. "aUnit tiire.- yearsaifo nygTaaddeenttr.Ber tha Whltwood, was thrown from a fa oelrlnga' Thoogh under tiiv treatment of physicians foraevaral momba. the wound remained alsiut tin- same, until It finally became very angry-looilng, and broke out into a running tore. This soon sp.ead to other parts of l h e e.alp and ran down the si<l.' of the neek.iiiereas- i Ink in -??Yfrlty.and, fear lUflfruiiog her, She wan then placed un? der the care of the fac? ulty of a well-known hospital, but even the treatment she received h d to smart the terrible sore. Reading '? ' "* ' '/W ?' 'b' many cures of ^kA?? - I blood troubles eff.-rt.-d by S. 9. B? we decided to try It, and it relieved her promptly. In a few months she was entirely cured, and scarcely a mark now remains where the dlieaM held full sway." A GUNSHOT WOUND. r*apt.J. H. McBrayer, the wellkaown dia tii.er, u( Lawrence burg, Ky., says; "Some years ago I was shot in ths left lea' receiving wn.it I cciidered only S Slight wound. It d. i Into a running - gave me a great deal of pain and Inconven by many doctors and took a number of blood remedies, but none did me sny good and d,d not seem to check the progress of the - ha.f heard Swift's 8ne highly recommended for the Mood, and con' give It a trial. ? result . a very gratify- RSpn lug. S -v H. seemed to Wl get ri.-hi at the trouble, >jf>cLi d the is.i-'.n out of my Mood; soon after- arris the sore healed up and was cured sound and well. I am sure 8.8.8. is by f?r the best blood remedy made." It matters not how they are M or what treatment has failed - will cure the most obstinat.-. seated sore or ulcer. It is useless to expert local treatment of salves, lo? ts., to effect a cure. 1 ? they can n<>t reach the rani cause of the trouble, which is the blood. 1 drivet, out .-very trace of impurity in the blood, and in this way cur manently the worst cases. It is tha Only blood remedy guaranteed Purely Vegetable and contains not a particle of potash, mercury, or other mineral. B cures Contagious Blood Poison, Scrof ula. Cancer, Catarrh, Eczema, matism, Sores, Ulcers, Boils, or any other blood trouble. Valuable txx.ks on these diseases will lie mailed fre* to any address, by the Swift Specific Company, Atlanta, Georgia. ?- T T T V ? V V VTVVVVVVTTTTVy V T T T *1 M are Pills A Al^lat/0 so far as peril-> be attained. They mark the highest point in pill progress. To m pie, pill is a tit pill, and so long as it acts they don't consider whether there's any recoil in the action. Dynamite has a very mot i id so has an earthquake, but the consequences that follow are apl ' > be disastrous. There are pills as damaging as dynamite and as dangerous as an earthquake. Dr. Ayer's Pills are Perfect in Preparation, Perfect in Operation, and their use is not d by violent reaction. A grain of sand stop3 a watch. You don't u vder to eject the grain and start the mechanism going ,; lachinery of the body is more fearfully and wonderfully math- lian a wal :h, and needs even greater delicacy in dealing with it. Ave' Pill it the necessary stimulus to start the bowels into health' They correct the ill-conditioned liver and give a healthy tone t > the stomach. Thus they cure dyspepsia, sick headache, heartburn, c< tipation, piles, and all diseases that grow out of the disordered condition of the liver, stomach, or bowels. "Ayer's Pills are th . sr used la my practice." J. T. SPARKS, M. 1)., Yeddo, Ind. "I don't know of .11: relieve and cure the terrible suffering of HN 1 . PRITCHARD, lirodia, Warren Co., N. C. " Aver's Pills do tht.r J sad do not gripe nor make one sick like so many OtbSS . JOHN If. SMITH, Atlanta, Oa. "Although mild in eel 1 lisbls to gripe than other purgatives, Ayer's Pills are tSorougn in opeiitiua?i> ft'-. 1 always 1* r*lieJ on to cure, disease* of the stomach or bowels." PETER J. DUFFY. Rotkport, Tex. ? After twenty years' - now that Aver'* Till* are an almolute cure for tertian ague, bilious fever, tick ' nsdpntion and hard cohl?." J. O. r an(^ Builder, Sulphur Springs, Texas. " We always ascd Ay - 'Y father's family. I am now fifty five years old and always have them in the found no better pill than Ayer's." LCOBlfa, 7?l t. Casstaal St., Mt. Varnon, Ohio. ^ V ? T V T T ? aa A ^a <*i?fa.i.\ rfWa. T'T T T ?'? T ? ? y 1T7TTT V7TT looking for something. Do v.. to see any one in particular?" "Yes, sir," laid the i Direr in charge: ? looking for Confederal want them." "Well." said General I.ee, as cool as when he sailed away fr, other day, 'Tm a Confederate, and you probably want me; my name la I.ee." And they a/aated him, and took him. m. nraralafl Unlit. He was an aged man, with a full and ag heard. H ? deeply with wrinkles, and he tottered as Ik walk..I. In his hand he bore an lantern, and this It was that ! the attention of a passer-by. B| man. and ? d the agsd stranger he took off his hat. 'I'.n Ion me, sir," he said, "but isn't i- unusual to carry a lighted through tho streets in the day? time."" The old man looked up from the us depths of his eye-sockets, and softly cackled. "Don'l you know me?" he cried In a high, cracked voice. Men light seemed to Illuminate the young man's memory. "Bless my soul!" he cried, "It must he Mr. Diogenes!" "I thought you'd remember me," rackled the old man. "Of course, I remember you now," said the young mas; and they shook hands warmly. "Still on the same old quest. I see,'' laid the youth, as he pointed to the lantern. it'" riled the old man, a I notice that you are still look ins for an hot;' I man," shouted uth. .nig and heartily. ? ?>, ug." he crackled; "I gave that op "Then what." cried the youth with i night! ' -carrying? lantern?for?" ? v. it am I carrying it for?" echoed her. "I'm carryln' It so thes< dlng-1 luted bicycle scorch I mn into me! That's what ' for. Vale, my boy. vale.' And i;, h led along with his warn? ing light._ |-?l..i.S Parasraplll. Much of ? ? experience a man geta to benefit him. To ,h. ongs the privilege jf fight.n- *ei thi D(JWIl ,. ;.? ? young man's first utempt at ' -e cnltaxi. stapen -njoys drinking in a con? versation of the extra dry brand. | drawn out t's quite i /stance between drinks. Some iii- -g wives and *ome scolding wjves cause clubs. The Judgment of Solomon was great, out he nev.r tried to umpire a baseball ?ame. Many a bov who runs away to Join a circus is oniy too glad to walk back lome again The gas meter's clalnj to the cham jion liar' medal la disputed by the :ycle cyclometer. The first thing a msn doe mating a fool of himself la to explain how it happened. Before marriage a man declares him? self unworthy of his sweetheart* tnd after marriage he spends about wo-thirds of his time In proving It. Kmiperor a Hard Worker The mass of work which K William does is apparent by ? ures of last ye.r. Jast iasued from the chamberlain's office. His majesty re? ceived 1,026 Immediate reports, gave 751 decisions, signed 802 cab; ders, appointments, and oth. njents, 5.857 reports were prese him personally, while the civil cabinet dealt v,Uh 50,000 documents ad to the emperor, and about MO or telegrams were received by h m dally. ?tsefce for T?rn?r-*|? D.iiri. The longest speech on ree.-ir.i was made by Mr. de Cosmos In the legis? lature of British Columbia when s measure waa pending to conftv lands of eettlers. He waa In a hope? less minority, and the enemy expect? ed to ruah the bill through at the end of the session. It was 10 in the morn? ing; at noon the neat day, if n were taken, the act of confiscation would fail. De Cosrnoa arose, spoke for twenty-six hours continuously, ar i then with baked lip., bloods! and almost dead with fatigue he wca the victory that nearly coat him h:i