Newspaper Page Text
SHUlAhjOAH HERAUL 13 PUBLISHED WEEKLY BY J NO. H. SRABILL -SUBSCRIPTION $i.OO IP+r V?ar, INV VLMABLY IN AIWA**CK. ou'QmuiiicatioQS o! a private ii attire charged for as advertising. THE HERALD JOB OFP.CB is complete in every respect. Work done on short notice and on the mont reasonble terms. VOL W WOODSTOCK, VIRGINIA. FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 13,1909. \<? 6 1'^ Sh^n^O^cmhy Herald Advertising R*1 Advertisements will I ed at one uoikr \n.r njuare <,i icu kutta or itfcrt, lor the nisi b? sertion, and 50 cents tor each subsequent insertion. KS vjuartcrlf or j carly ?Ut?ir iseiiients by ? ontract. ttf Unless the number of \m * ilotif' i marked upon the u * v script, advcrtlsen-ent* w\\\ U? r< Msb"* until forbidden ard fh>u accord!n lr PROFESSIONAL CARDS J. U W ILLlAJUS. WM. T. WILLIAM^ ^'lLLIAAlfc & BKOTHEK, Attorney s-at-Law, WOODCOCK, VA. Praciiov in all thr 'oort** )t Sheuau oab ind adjoining i u M)s. id the .^p pre ue Cuurt ol A''*>tais, and in tue Cu cui HtiOitMtal Ow*i 8 ?>' tue Unn.o *" <*T Spec.al auention * ven to tht? col -OtUr of cl ai iii" aav 15, '61-V M. L. Walton, Collection E. D Newman, Department. W. L. M r. wm an. ?" Notary Public. Vy ALTON *fe WALTON, Attoi neys-at-Law. WOOIMTCM K VA. Practice iu State and Federal Courts. teal' *U '93 r. fi. rt tr mut ma j? a. ba ti Metala w r Vi \n R A BAU8KRMAN, ^tiorat/3-at-udW I <!"<??: K. v A ii U it 9:<-l.. lr i EL BORDEN Aitorney-at-Law B^ imette* irj URI Owner anc Maunder jf I. . -i.t-nandoah Val' if Collection *du Ad? justment AkfiiL-y. estabiisned l??&. Post othce \ dd roes- Calvary, Shenandoah Cc. Virginia. ?oav 1.">*<G?ivr. i;# H WU* BACK fie sND G0?NCEL0h ?T LAW ->'!<?( K. VlftOIMlJ . -? curd itK<i, Merctittr ??? and Kar < tfuiiding. ?-4l< ? Usa H. WILLIAMSON', Atfy-qt-I^. Woodstock, - - Virginia. Commonwealth's attorney for 9 ' tX A NLK)A H C< >l\NTY. ? ill practice in adjoining counties. . be ia New Marget every Saturday. 0 K. ' ?! 3 OOl navii>K ? "oared n WoonaioCK. can be ~) iud at his retMeooeOONortl Muhlenbura Tset.t^f tate rviddt nee ol Dr. J. L.Campbell * "t professionally t*ngaired, tun *-lvr. u > l> CARTER - i ka;vu, ll .*!?' .non giver.' to Sur Ct' PHONlCALL 38. Mi .j I tU8H, t i '?> OK, VA bed iu 1889. Office jrouth Ttrm* cash. ?i : -lyr. lo i Ck**U ? . e* r x. L ? n M ro ' l- UM K i ide it Dnntiwi Wo * ?ic BARBERSHOP ?rn \Vi> W >r? n. ?IA VIS & CO., i MllFHOIF1! n >, k Vnc?illf14. I lundred .-alunble properties or 'mik ia Vtr-inta, -mbrncin^ large and a mil farms. Town Property, Mill*, lineral and Timber landa, store stands and stocks of tn rchandise If von want to sell yont rop nj <. ucat.Y price it at b r?a?onabU Hq't-t <tndlsen4 tof us,snd we will do the ret *r t* for Catalonia nov. ?^-t rs Farms For Sale An excellent Farm of 135 acres of lanu, K<>od buildings, well watered and fenced, 3 miles from Rail Hoad Price onlv 14,000. An excellent small farm of 27 acres of good land well watered, pood frui ana good rew dwelling witb bay win dow and all nt-oessary out buildinus 3 miles from Rail Road Price 12,100. A good small home of ll acres of fine land, about 100trees of fine fruit, eood dwelling in good neighborhood, ? miles from Rail Road. Price ?1060? all on easy payments. Apply lo J. N. DAMS A OO, Real Estate Agents, Woodstock, Va. I C3 wura Not Coughing Today? Yet you may cough tomorrov ! Better be prepared for it when it comes. Ask your doctor about keeping Ayer's Cherry Pectoral in the house. Then when the hard cold or cough first appears you have a doctor's medicine at hand. Your doctor's approval of its use will certainly set all doubt at rest. Do as he says. He knows. No alcohol in this cough medicine. /. c. Ayer Co., Lowell, Mas*. Robust health to a great safeguard against attacks of throat and lung troubles, but constipation vii! destroy the best of health. Ask your doctor about Ayer's Pills. Borne i are cred I ri William Ai iras o ; poll ..- ? . : ? - tu< lasi , i enturx 1 pc!, "If i ? . - v . ? v.-hat inc If 1 ai >i j i ve i',;.: : r wai lld ii- >i ' ? ? i' ?. i.; :;. in. '. "Wo i .-sn:.. I i'??'.? r> i < urscli c.-a | ir) i < h' ;i : ?> ;. ;? wa* :??) a\i be * ?. e <: blot I. < i eu ? other oci ir .mts of th : -}f evcr there was a caae I . evidence than thia i a*< I ive i i thai cn A Prophecy. A '-"rr zv pr Idem in In diana, si U i when til" - i-. till' ell I I : * ginnti - Me ? |] ap ? r ? tl)' I ? ?' tic: | lil! Th ut any |wi * ? :!>(? les* tho Tl ii I be it. re 1 li -1 tr* u '"I n< t> 2 i ihr ? i magi . "(lives nie i "What's i ilro 1 the author. "TH hat rx in wenr>; -Inri: g thoi . ira ??!! exhibition in the lobby. That ought tn draw Hie women in droves."?Louis ville Courier-Journal. Cruel. Lt Tragic Man Did yon ser how i ;?? : lyxed tho and In tho death ? ? ? '? '1 !, y ff T" over the I sta-.-e Manager Vea; they knen on weren't really dead.? Lond Hits. Co ?* ??"??? orv. !? M'sPills will save the dyspeptic from many da> sot" misery , and enable him to eat whatever he wishes. They prevent SICK HEADACHE, cause the food to assimilate and nour? ish the body, give keen appetite, DEVELOP aESH and solid muscle. Elegantly sugar coated. ? Take No Substitute* MARKETS Woodstock, Va., Jan. 20 \mi (Corrected weekly by F. S. Bowman.) Wheat. $1.00 Oats . 06 Corn. 7<i Potatoes.15 Sweet Potatoes. 10*' Turkeys.12 Chickens old. 0^ M spring . 08 F.g*s . ;;i Bu?t*r..'. 1!? Racon Side and Shoulder.... 12 Hams. W LHrd . ll ' >"->ion STOCK \1 \KKKTS. f* ???! 1 'VC 'ic1 MT' <? !?? I?>*s rioodai >h?-ep l^>e? and Ca'* V, Tur?d v- (ttl* f \ I >r wd irr<>s? ?? itrht ' Halt more Feb 8. Cat'la K?<ei??tl? for the Aiek it di d ?( noon ioiav were 1.5*1 hoad, airiirmt 1,174 hea?l las' w *?k: 65 car loads on the marked, <^u<?tf ?"wrg, vivA t" choice buti-h'TS. $4 00 to %* ^5, n'h ra *} so ' ?? $4 85: ' 'ows, f 150* ? f 4 00: Hal ttl' 43 -Tter4,?3.?5 te $; 00: tre?h 1 ' 'he we*>\i -ni ?'! ai r.o u -?h?-ad. against 1 653 t n last ?????* at tu>piy '"dav -rn" iit derat.'Uen and a ?ter"* ?6 75 t" 7.-.J others. |6 5c 1 O 6 8<: ro-i.'h?. *s so l< 6 ?5 I ' -\m?. . *ec*o?t8 for ?he weev -.? rt ??' ? ? t'Klav were 1.610 head aKain?t j.^hr ' 1*?t waek I ?k'ht *uipl\ *nd f- lalHS"! (JwoXr- a bfc. $5 y> t*> 8 1.. -he?!> $? to to 5.50. ? Ives Heeeipt* for -he w*efc en led at noon todgv w?t? hrad 3' ? a^ainm 98 he d last week. Pai ?upplv toJay and market firm. Ouote: Common to bast, f 4 00 to Soc FOR SALE." ^ comparatively new five room dwelling asd lot on North Mahlenboff street. PliM very low to quick buyer. Apply to J. N. Davis <k (Jo , ll?al Estate Agents, \\ stex'k, Va. Monroe Funkhouser, AGKNT FOR Sheuindoah Farmers' Home ) lMh\wm ULU \J\Jt H? is uiually f^und at the Clerk's Office Woodstock, Va ln-o. 20 '07-tf. House tor sale. A seven room house 011 Muhlenbertr street. It eoatajna seven ioun>s, f bath room, c?iii.r and ba-ement kitchen. Apply to it. :\. r ssockkv. Sept. ll tf K rs A ol For In^igestionu * av XA \J * Relieves sour stomach, Vt ;.;L..M_^-^OIL PtfOGti whit /OO SS%1 HALE AND HEARTY IN HER NINETY-FIFTH YEAR. A BHBNANDOAH OOUHTT HONAOBfAK* IAN WHO IS STILL TOUNG. In a little log cabin that was used as n (leiilUtn School House a century apo. a cabin almost hidden in a woods thal skirts Mi.] Creek, near Mt. Clifton. they mn going to have a party some? day this week. It will be a birthday party, delayed several da\ I on account of the weather, but a notable oiv nevertheless. tnip pose a candle was placed on each mile post between Winchester and St tun? ton, there would not bc enough by one to mark the sp4u of years traversed by Christina Shown, in whose honor the party will be given. Xneneighbors call her Ann* "Tee? ney," and Aunt Teenei . she was bick yonder in the yean when Internecine strife almost dismembered a nation. Think of it. For fifty-six years abe has lived in the hut, where tLr??** quar? ters of a century ago, she was taught the three R's by a pedagogue, who hailed his visitors with "Sprachen StoDeutch." It was only two weeks after <b'd Hickory had silenced the guns of the British soldiery at New Orleans, and sixteen days before the Treaty of Uh' nt had sealed forever tho supremacy rf the United Stated on the North American continent, that Aunt Teeney make her advent at Selia rTertown, a small settlement in Ashby district. within a couple of miles of where she low li vt i, She has never lived beyond the con? fines of the ni Igbborfaood ol her na ;ivity. and the world to ber Ll bountied rm the South by Harrisonburg, on die North by Woodstock, the Baal ?y Loray and the West by the huckh - torry ridgee of the North Mountain. vhich loom up a few miles beyond the rellieed gate which opens to her 3ibin. A remarkably well preserved woman. vith a minti as bright and clear as the proverbial wedding bell, Ti ency Shown ?dints word pictures of the "good old lays" in the inimitable patoii of the earlier settlers, and thev are veritable ravelogues through the history of the County. Her story is woven ot the ?var)) .ind woof of romance anti t rare? ly, the earlier love recitala being mix ?d wi'h ht- long ago sacrifices made < m some l?attlefield Ber1! waa nol the life ol luxurious sase, and social am uities aro to her as a closed book, but listen ; you saw in recent dispatches where, in the Capitol city, bejewell -tl women, di ll t-d decolette, drank toasts to ? who wore th-- Continental uniform. Truth is. some of these maids and matrons had as little of the blood of u Revolutionary soldier in their veins as there are corpuscles of an ichthyo? saurus in a po'e cat. '^his little two ro<?m log cabin, though, shelters woman through wboee arteries course the bio <??' of tlie soldiers of four Amer? ican wars, and either ancestor or de c ndenl saw the sun go down on Corn? wall ii at Yorktown, carried a flint look in te precarious cays of 1812, d the fevered swamps with Booti in M- x CO or i id down his arms with Lee ai * ppom t oz. H-r'- .?a- 1 ?-.1111011- ife anti she te ls of ?? ? arvesta i*l byirooe years wn^-n ?he k?- I apace with tive men wie ilii.' tnc - i-kle in the grain. Sh f I. ? day a ben she nitl other ' atina 0 and -f the rails ill maned *o n the be utiful frms nf As bj ilialrid w.-re b? ingcarv d f om the riiyiu woods. She can tell you < f the lita)*' Incident! which add spire and seal to life and of occurrences lost, ?ave ii.rn m i \. vhieh intereated th ? as-oe at ? <f four >e if J t - -l;o, To k i t e 'i j - of the M i ? wai %re is o yes ? day, an i the ?ICk le anti flail were to ber the neWeal mc bodl of hirvs'invr and threshing the rain wheo ninety-nine |>er cent. ..f tbo-e wh'- read this -vere yet m boro. [ni oculat* tl witb the ? ogality o be G- rman ancestors, che has preserved kitchen utensils over a century old, and still in use ! The same coffee mill which did service when Van Buren t >k np the mantle of the Iron Man of the Hermitage, still grinds the Java (or the morning cup. Now. you who eschew the weed that made Sir Walter famous, note this, arni note it we'l. Kighty-six years ago 'IVmev Shown l>cgan to smoke. She was only nine then, but phthisic w%s the Cause <>f tho l>eginning of the Constantly since that time she ha- kept the fire burning in an old st n | pipe, consuming Rh ehe sa\s two "p >kes" a we*-k. A calculation show* th it over three quart rs of a ton of bo h i^ be n radi end to ashes in the pipe04 the nonagenarian and yet ?as boin when Kdgar Allen Poe nv a lad of six, and still lives, tie? |? e tile deleterious effects of nico tir.e. She hal never ridden on a railroad l .tin. seen an automobile, nor heard a phoi ogtaph, and the telephone is as much of a mystery to her ai seismic disturbances are to Australian bush? men Withal, she ii happy and con? tented, the realisation of inventors dreams having no effect on the even tenor of her ways. Christina Shown is the widow of Thomas Shown, who died twenty-two years ago and is the mother of four children. Twenty-one grandchildren, and twelve great grandchildren, and several great-greatgrandchildren aro hera. She was one of eight children, of whom one died at ninety-two, an? other at eighty-nine and one still lives at the youthful age of nicety. Frequently she walks to Mt. Clifton, a mile away to do her shopping, and thee be those with two score loss years to their credit who are not half so active or near so agile as these trips show lier to be. For eighty-five years she has been a member of the Lutheran church, the church which her ancestors affiliated with two centuries ago in the Father? land. Yes. there is going to be a party OH Mill Creek, one day this week, ami 'Teeney " Shown will be the guest of honor. The span of years between January 29th, lsl"> and January 29th, 1900, aili seem to her as but a little journey. Though the course of ycart has led her far towards the setting sun, vet it seems a> if, even In the twilight, many more years are yet hers to claim. An Excellent Cleaning Fluid. " The following i?? ip--contains noth? ing injurious, never takes OUt the Stiff? ness from fabrics as from veiling* and chi ffi ?n), and is at the same time a disinfectant anti snr.' an rentisi ol moths," anya Woman's Dome Com? panion for February, Sulphuric eth ?r. one dram ; alcohol, two drams : chloroform, one dram; oil of cloves, ii"' dram. Three times this amount to one quart best gasoline. The oil of - maj tn- omitted if desired, as in .deaning anything white it has a ten? dency to turn it yellow To clean a Iress skirt, just double or treble th amount of these ingredients, Men's trousers can be soaked over night in :his. and when pressed are as good as new. It is fine for ostrich plumes, SS it never takes the curl out. He sure to ihake out in the air until thorough!) Iry old laces elei b tautifully ? tb is fluid. Let the article to be cleaned ne in th- liquid fora while, according to how soiled it is. Articles can n - n all night without injury to tlc 'abric in any way. hy allowing to an 1 pouring otT vry carefully. ie the fluid over and over How China Preserves Fresh Ecas. While waiting for a Cabinet official ?ith whom 1 had an appointment, I maoced upon a min just returned from 'hina. In the course of our con versa ion the price of eggs and tho difficulty )f keeping them fresh was discussed. ? rited that it was almost irn| 3I0 t > obtain a new-1 a itt e^n. He told tow, when traveling in China, the can consul called his attention ." the fact that the Chinese had cen -solved this problem in a non- effective way than has ever tv.m low by modern cold storage ware ie systems It happened that he iiad no opportunity to tesl the Chinese n?ethod until be waa leaving the coun? try, when he was presented with fresh laid egge Incased in spherical mud pies. Ile brought home these packages along with other souvenirs, and kent them until "fresh" eggs loafed to eighty cents a dozen: then he opened h > mud pi'-s. and imagine his surprise t > flndtheeggi In first-class condition. "Leter," he said. ""I tried th* ex per'ment myself : buried my eggs deep in mud ami formed it iutO cakes around them, allowing "tho pie' to dry out. The result was the same-when the} rpened they were perfectly fredi." -J<te Mitch*!) Chapple, in February National Magazine. Offers Roosevelt $300,000 to Head Wild West Show. Bridg port. Conn., Feb 1 ?If Fros id nt Roo* v? lt w ll c mseufl So hand a '? > ld West "I o ." he ctn draw a salary of $lo 000 ? week for 90 week-, ding to SS offer just mule tl him by Jamel M Atlas, proprietor of the Bose] Atlas, of this city. Mr. Atlas. who says he is an old friend of Mr. Roosevelt and used to wrestle with dm wheo be wis Oovemor of N<* Yo- k, hs - nt the president the fol u tter : "Hon. Theodore Roosevelt, Presi? dent ol th Quited States : D-.r Sir -Will >ou accept an en ga ' m Bl of 38 we ks nt a sa'ary of 110,000 -?> we k S300,000 in all-com? mencing the fir?,t day of May, 1?M)9, to head a 'Wild West" exhibition entitled 'Theodore Koosevelt'a Congress of Rough Hiders V "An early reply will lie greatly :t| - pretaBaOd by yours truly, .lames M. Atlas.' A (1ENUINE BAROAIN. In a nie small farm of 27 act smooth productive land 3 mil*?s from Beal eton station Boothera Kail Hoad on which is an up to-date new dwelling ing of 7 rooms b ilt of the be6t ni i terial-with bav windows, reception hall, poaches ssS)., car|>onter and blacksmith shop, stable smoke house, hen house all in good rspftir . orchard of apples, peaches, pears and plums, live acres of exce'ont wood land, the entire tract well watered b\ never failing snring of excellent water Owned b| a widow lady from the west who recently lost her husband who de? sires to return there?rn >re land ad j dning, can l?e bought if desired at a \ery reasonable price. This property must b-' sold by April 1st, 1909, and must be seen to >*? appreciated?we will pay the round trip fare of any one, who in good faith wants to buy a bargain in such a desirable home Price onlv 11950 cash. Apply at once to J.H. DAVIS A CO., Heal Estate Agents Woodstock, Va.1 A grotesque and foolish view of th wost leads manj who are not a< qnalnted with thal part of the count! to i ? ? blunders n larding the possibilities of the typlci westers weep ns, t!ie rids and the si shot.u-r. To sh tot iin animals eye nu nt a hundred pac - bl a common fee in wild a it ll erarure. Bometimes I is done with a iii ibooter- in type, nc snywbere eli Of course, no ms can'see the eye of an animal that f:u I have bad i good rifleman tell me h could Pul off ;i robln*e head at ? hm drod step-'. The truth la thal he COttl m?t see the bead I learly that far. Yu rend that the desperado Binds cool with a slr ?hooter it fifty <?r rtxt, steps blt I mnn In any button of hi coal that he chose, but you may b sure that neither Slade nor any oil else could do anything of the kine" Sven tri k and fancy shooting at lt best Could ever cover feats SSCllhSd I matters of COUTSS to the .average froi rJsfSmsU by those devotees of fren7.it> m who never Haw the fmntler. Outtng Magazine. Eluding the Officers. Hero ls nu amusing description o one of Rnlzae's periods of bunecunlol itv. Merv, the poet, ? great friend <> Ttfti/ac. was an Inveterate gamble and rarely left tho card table befOT daybreak, nis way lay past the Oaf do r.iris. and for four consecutlv mornings ho had met Balzac Itrofllnj leisurely up and down dressed in I pnntalon a pleds (tfeSJSCfl riot tertnl Dating below the tinkle, hut with fee in them like stockings! and fr? el eoe with velvet facings. The escon I morn lng Merv felt surprised at the colnci dence: tho third he waa ponied: th fourtli be could hold out no l inger am asked Ba fame tbs reason of these not turns] perambulations roundabout th ?unto spot. Balzac put his hand tn bil DOCkc anti produced an almanac showing tba the v-u". ''. \ not lise before3:50. "I an being rr." ked hy tl rs of th< tribunal de commerce end obll d ? hide myself during the dsy, bul a* titi hour T im free and can take a wall for a** lor?" aa the inn ls not up the; cannot arrest me" Milk on a Stick. In whiter time milk goes to the boy er in ti i hunk Instead of a quart, Pay a Olssgow paper. The people In Sihe ria buy their milk frozen, and fur cort venience lr i; allowed to freeze ebon ti itlck, which f-tiies as a handle ti carry lt by. The milkman leaves on chunk er two chunks, ns the ease ma; be. nt the houses of his customer! The chlldrei in Irkutsk, Instead of crj lng fer a drink of milk, cry for a bit of milk. Tl e i.pie In winter time d' n-.r ! : I not to ipili th '* hui ' !'? careful not t > brea! the i ll!i " Bri ken milk la better thru ?pfllt though, 1 cs use there I an '?;.;..ru' Iry to sere the pieces. quart ? t frozen mi'k on a itlck ls i very f n weapon In tho hand <> sn an?jry nun or boy, SI lt is posslbl to ! . . n peru >n down with lt. Ii kutsk pe mg their milk on book r titting it In pans, thougl of c< .en wann api lng wea the non they bare \>< use the pans t> palls as ll milk begins to melt an< drop dowi "ks. Thc Illusion of Night. I SS - fancy that every pren city must have been built by night Nr least lt i- only al night that ever, ; art of i great city ai fcTest All arch! ure li areal architecture after sun r rchitecture ls really turn ? the art of thew. rk> \t least I think many people of thoa i that work by night (Jool rutlist*. ' ?:. burglars, coffee ital tod such ml ttaken enthusiast aa re.;: e to go borne till mornlni ive stood admiring som ? ; building with a crown o battlements or a crest of iplres ant rh."i bural Into tt;irs at daybn discover tin t it was only i baberdasl er'-J -I" p Wi il huge gold letters BCTOI the fi e ' f it. <;. A. Chesterton 1 London News. Tsx on Hats. Not tmly have hats at various lime been BUbjec! to taxation, hut have eve 1.:i made the subject of Bpscasl lawi Thus In Henry VIL'l reign none wa allowed to sell hats at a larger prk than 20 pence or eaps for more tha in. Bel Borne compensation, bowevsJ for thia interference with free trad could bs found in tho fact that In 151 on Sunday! and holidays every Oft above seven years of age was require to wear a cap of wool of English mak under penally of 3 farthings fine f< London Corona l< ui?, ? ir be established ww out m rallty uor morality wlthot faltb.-Crcoiey. BLOOD We live by our blood, and on it. We thrive or starve, as our blood is rich or poor. There is nothing else to live on or by. When strength is full and spirits high we are being re? freshed?bone, muscle and brain, in body and mind?with continual flow of orien blood. This is health. When weak, in low spirits, no cheer, no spring, when rest is not rest and sleep is not sleep, we are starved; our blood is poor; there is little nutriment in it. Back of the blood is food, to keep the blood rich. When it fails, take SCOTT'S EMULSION It sets the whole body going again?man, woman and child. Send thU advertisement, together with name of paper in which it appears, your address and four cents to cover postage, and we will send you a "Complete I landy Aila of Ute Worid." SCOTT ? BO A NE. 409 Pearl St, New Yoes The author <if "Aer.ss Kugland in a Dogcart" once atopped to examine a church lu tbs little rillsge of Enstone: The day was warm, and 00 leaving the church I rested for awhile In the grateful shade of he building and fer the sake of t!i?' cosiness still kept III hal in my band. While standing thet ? I overheard <me workman ask of ali? oth.t: "Why do V keep 'le 'at off like that on! of doors, mah "'Cause f's i Quaker, o' course*'*te* plied the mate. "Quakers Blina do in churchyards." Here was an opportunity not to be lost *?; i. ? i nm Dot a Quak? er. I am un Episcopalian." There waa a sic rt, awkward pause. Then tbs lirst workman, evidently of nu Inquiring turn of mind, said t-> hN fellow mason, who seemed to be cou Fidered an authority: "A E plscopale one, 'e Fays *t* ls Wot'e that, Bllir ??oh," replied the learned Bill, quite equal to the occasion, "thats one <-? them fancy foreign religions, sure!" The Emperor's Orderly. "Frenchmen of every rank and class dearly hive thies. The manager of ai Pirie Insurance rompi ny waa decorat? ed with the Legion of Honor a few days ago, and the clerke In the e a? ploy of the company presented b i with a piece of plate to whl h th< lr visiting cards were attached, mi io. ?. lng over these he wai i ir-" d deal pu zled and amused by the rle!ting cai ' of the office "hoy," an old soldi* :: from the Invalid* s. who wee empl >yed [ u to open the office d rs from i* to Under the man's name was the title "the emperor's orderly." He iel for the old Moldier, who stumped In and saluted. "<?f what emperor tire y< u the order ly. and how?" be asked The cid In vallde drew himself up to attention. "I am tho orderly of the emperor," he sahl, "Napoleon, ie Petit Corporal." "But be ls dead. Ile has been dead Borne time," answered the puzzled manager. "I dust his tomh for him." grow ltd the old soldier?London Lxpress. ? BJ ll rt ti tl B 1 I I tl I No Morale In Dreamland. If. as many writers have mggested It Is the soul Itself that guides the Im? agery of dreams, how are we to ex plain the fact that In this chaos of Idess and feelings there la so little dis Unction between right and wrong t!;!1 a*ben dreaming we COmi ll Bi fs foi which we should weep tears <f blood were th". seem to be. As Professor Hoffman baa said, "Th* familiar check of waking hours, must not do it becsuse lt would he nn Just <r unkind/ oever once arrest us in the satisfaction of an whim which may blow about our waj a 'ini fai Prom all of which we must conoludi that the dream realm ls a world ' entirely oblivious to any moral ..:?:? be true ; troubled conscience may prcdu affect our dreams, the dreams then re never burdened a itli a roi science. Bohemian Magazine Geiig Some. Being pursued by a farmer and bl : ter being caught in th chit-ken yard, i young colored perao brui Just matle up his mind that fr waa n"t ?? adit ghin followers aa quid ly ai might be Alien a lung eared ja* b rabbit Jumped up from the rood and started down the road ahead o him. Th.- would be chicken thief bai run a few hundred fi'i-t farther when the farmer aud his hoys were aston bibed to hear iii- negro shout in a mice that quavered with fright though unrestrained, 'Say. for de Lon eake you rabbit, get out oh de waj ami let lome one run who can run." Argonaut. A Doleful Mood. Tho propietor of a Paris cafe no ri od that after he had refused to tri' his pianist an Increase of salary th Dumber of bia customers dwindles rapidly. ir wai only when all bu one diner had deserted him that bi discovered that the pis nial had beei inflicting <"h.pin's "Funeral March' (>n the audience nightly. The j lai it who was proceeded against in the lav ceorte and ? aa fined 50 fran s, pleadn i that he pl ; ed according to the mo, < i he felt in after his request had beei reft: t One In: T'other Out. "lt most be very t Ice." - ;! H r call or to the author's wife "to hove yooi husband at home so mu-h of tin time." "Yes." replied Mrs. Richard Darling ton Bprlggles. "lt gives me a cb in ?? to go out."- Harper's Weekly. No Novelty. "A novel always ends with the mar ria ge." ?Which ls proper. There's mit liing novel about the lubseqnc il hunt for i Bal sud i cook and a Job !"t of fund tore." Puck. Needed Mourning. The Lady I haven't much in thc I to give yeo, my poof mau. but would you like a pin I of my pie'.' The Bobo No. lady. Bul buri yer got a old black conti The Lady-why do >ou want i Mach onel The Hobo? I)o feller yer gave a piece o' pie to de odder day was a pal o' mine. Cleveland Leader. 1; A Convenience. , Curate?And IO, Mrs. Howard, you oom. ? I itch every Sunday? Mrs. 1 (toward fse, afr. Masts}. We're y inch strangers in town yet that WI t have no other engagements.?Brooklyn Ufo. The Poor Woman. ?He climbed alttsost to the top of thc ladder ami then fell off." 'What WI l the t rouble T * Tin re a woman at thc bottom of lt "- Life r Knew ths Troubls. "You are wasting your time, old assn," sahl Fred to george. "You are court lng the wrong girl." ?No; shes the right girl. Tm sfrsid the trouble h I'm the wrong njan." Pbiladolphta Inquirer, : r 1 1?*J Ml Pure JHF *hc chief ingredient the active principle, _ and healthfulness, to 0^ OYAL BAKING POWDER /Itt ^/Ibsolulely Tare Jnsures wholesome and deli cious food for every day in every home fi?V No Phosphates No Alum Dalton'3 Experiment. The English chemist Dalton was a dioolteaeher. He worked Without a iboratory and with crude a] lostiy made by himself from simple utterials. Hen-ia ;in example de 1 In his own words: "Took an ale glsss of a conical fig re. two and a half Inches In dhu rul three Inches deep; filled lt wi h ater that had bet n at inding i 1 the ?om anti com *vtly of the t c pera ir" of the air nearly; ; ;t the i?u ie thermometer t?> the bottom ? f tho ? being out of the water, hen. bai _ marked the temi i put the . Ihot tip af th< ri Inch deep in the water, holding it iere iteeenly for half e minute, and - - ??!! as it was withdrawn I di ie bulb of a sen ito the water, w I en it r i f.. w wonda io 180 degn ea " Ile then determined 'lie temporal ii f tlie water at the both ni efl r live dnutes, af ter twenty mi: ? d tft r an hour and found that lt fl illly from 17 to ."_' di This Imple experiment proved that n ns the power to conduct heat, which Ad been denied ' y 00 leal y than Rumford, foo th's I >n. The Mistake He Made. He sauntered Into the central p tatton and approa< bed the desk i sent. There v n ia ai eworu l< is face, ile .-r.-od there a moment I if In reverie. Finally aa tears aursed down hil cheeks be timidly lld: ??I want t-' give myself up." "What have you i lek a tel..n's cell?" tl ierg -am shed. "I have long been a fugitive fron istlce. The we ianda that I >?!. uld be pu "Hut what i< kV Wbat lu I "l am a bigaml -and I dont fo longer must l keep ir fr >m th rorid. L : me up. I am r idy t i penah e." "But will you not expl in';" "Yes. If j -r. [tb u fbi 1 mar led only the daughter, hut I bavi mnd, to i imily waa Included."?Kansas Cltj ^dependent. An eccentric Ru:s;,:n Doctor. The famous Ku tai n;. th* '...te Dr. a ha riu, w n letbods. \V*h< tl to al zar Alexander UL rn bia last Illness ?r. Zaharin r the si ie ration for hi i t Ult t< . Llace n > any of bia pan.-a: i' lu ? say, all dogu ie way. all cl cor throw ti v irs lu the ball, bia - \ er t i: i?\t room, his galoch i lu the third ntl. continuing, arrived at the ix d i ordinary ia loor ci Btu me. Ile own after walkli nd evt ry eight ste, lu gi lo i up lairs, [rom the patiei i Dd every one else In the bouse be re ulred absolots alienee until he ap ke i them, when his que I ns wend bj "Yes" or "No" ind noth lg more. A Necessity. "Twenty dollars for ret rimming at!" exclaimed Mr. Madison. "But e agreed to ipend nothing except fo: that were positively needed/1 ?'Well. John, tills ts. You aee, raj Mt friend has Just had rimmed, ard 1 have pro ?itu her to the concert on I "oh. all right But I ? ant | re j Kare than fifteen I broke my meerschaum and must have ade 1." "i'a.rt yon imoke y? ar etd ' rood?' "Certainly, dear. And you tan wear our old hat." "John, let's i es to I louth after e >. mips al! ' "All ii; I f."- Now Y'>rk Herald. Ctrdou's Cui3. "Viet ? B ' I ll I ima,* aid a New y< .'.; theatrical man 'If you tried ?" Impose on him he rould <al! eu down. ?'At fla ; :. ' i 0 during a P ie said be d neut that I I I. tl Bjrreu f- rtj '?'? SSS tudy to bia ll " You ch tbt me?' said the aCtOrhot v. "I assure you. M. Sardou. 1 have lever lied but twloo In my life." "tarrion smiled dryly. "Then this makes thrhv. SfeT said _ He Was Slow. lie ut ten tl a j? yous cry. "And 1 im rei'-, .-val truly the rlr^t nan you ei fr kl ? ' ' ? "i Clarence." the beautiful girl ejoined. ht r red Up curling slightly The others nil took the initiative.'' vausus City lndei>endeut. The Pictured Cowboy. I recall < oe i?. artist ol it who d *i wei things, i' Ho ht 1 i his his chin in his hand-. His hoi nearby, with the rel ai ton WU horn of the aaddle. Now, a cowl o. in the daytime, well lille I w h I I canned tomatoes, would n?>{ and, above all. he would not lean horse atandlng thu.--. He a rid poll the reins d >wu over the hoi - I and let them li mg, eises hors- w< old depart I recall yt er picture of a faithful < os who with bia trust self bom behind his dee 1 b he uses es a fortress. The dead D is ab iot four I lal eldewiae ant for a fc*:i .r a trine wide for a thin flanked c : horse. It would I ! out any detail lille this to any artic: of today. Worse than i would it be to suggest that puncher is the laziest created thin.' in art he must do per "action.**?Colliers Weekly. An E.isy Grade. Patro:.t dal, has seen its best days in E -?? land, and it is becoming more I more difficult, B B opines, to find material f"r em h a story as follow i: At the end of a political earn; many yean ago a young man who had worked valiantly for the snece candidate claimed a reward. The prize premised was a eergeantcy In the artillery. But the candidate found that he was unable to carry out his | Iso, b b as it requir d si\ y< senitc to qualify a man for the r Ile became thoughtful, but finally - light. ? I ???es ir require six years to qa a mau f- v a lieutenancy'.'" he asked ono who knew, ''Certainly not," was the reply. "Well, make young Blank a lies ant, thea." enid the candidate, with a sigh of relief. Blank was thus made a lieutenant for no other reason than that be not flt to be a sergeant They Knew the Pols. Borne year-, ago when Dr. N visited Leedl on his re,urn fr :.i lae polar rodens he was we I I large crowd of epectatore, ed vociferously. Two of ? dent admirers of Kansan were a pie of old men. who 1 waving their s;h-Us. When I orated explorer had passed. Imi ately following in the wa kc . t the carriage came a wagon dragged by three horses, bearing a long bron which belonged to the eic. tri.* tram? ways company. Directly the old men saw lt the f< I lowing conversation took place: "Well, rn bo bio wed I Bli he's brout the pole bael, ??;? fa one. "Ave," said the other admirer f Nansen, "? i we tf only two i I re all running sfter V riage. Bilba, the're thal Ignorai I they can't tell t' pole when they see lt!** A 3ema-d S'*-*w Joke. After addressing an Edii meet lng for ninety n nani Shaw r I tbst tl. a quarter to IO, and be had Intended t.? finish at '.? O'clock. He did in I ? I the least fatigued; the ludteuce were also quite raker was about to it ?! rWU i? uti crt "Oo on!" were raised on all bi "1>o yen really wish ne te Mr. Bhaw Baked. Re wi bj renewi d sud nu i Of "?i 0 I Great \as the dlaaj. mt, there I tied, ? That i> the ex? act point at which tl expeii. ker i its dt. wu," which as bigly did. An Arti t's Mustache. The mustache was ant view d with tai or lu laud in the eslddle ol the century An anecstoti le t<*ui of the i per, the English artist. t<i . ttstrete. He a ie br before i maj . .rate In UM miner ? b i te and i ed lo the j re]?; rt as being with Lrrgi hes." Tht> Ait asl of I he late, eosssnent* Dag Ol lt. vi ld thit "no member of the Royal academy perpetrates the I tty of rnustai hes, a most ne affectation." Mr. c asea*, asjeesnt i member of the academy a few ye ir-* later. Woman's Needs. A woman in a divorce case wa? asked why she bought adornments In? stead of necessities. Who snail de? cide what aro necessities for wai ?Chicago News. Looteri on many times eec more than the gamesters.- Hacon.