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SHENANDOAH MME 13 PU BLIaUED WEEKLY BY JNO. H. SRABILL -SUBSCRIPTION $I.OO Por Year, IVV UM ABLY INAMAM^ ^oaimunicationi ol a private nature charged tor as adverting. THE HERALD JOB OFKCB ii complete in every respect. Wo:k done on short notice and on tte most reason ble terms. VOL 92 WOODSTOCK, VIRGINIA. FRIDAY. FEBRUARY 19. 1909. NU 7 Shenandoah H*r?Td Advertising Rates Advertisements will be insert? ed at one dollar per square ol ten lines or leas, lor tie tiru in? sertion, and 50 cents tor each subsequent insertion. ja*jr Quarterly ^r yearly adler 'iso rae ntl by contract. ssjT Unless the number ol tua* r lon' a marked upon the rn.-.? o lari pt, advertisements erl1.! oe pi llaaad uatll f ot bidder ard chirj. accord!n "Iv PROFESSIONAL CARDS J. U WILLIAMS. WM. T. Wills*** VV'lLLIAMb & BUOTHl&K, Attorney s-at-Law, WOODVlOrK, VA. Practice in all the <'oort? A Shanan loan aui adjoining *. u itt**, ?n lue ^u pre ne Uonrt ol A >t>**i?, sud ?n the UU? cui and Lhairu. Cour ft ot tbe Unit-.* Btssss .. __i <*T Spacial attention *iven ts the col lectioT of claims mav 15. P^*T M.L. Walton, Collection E. D. Newman, Department. W. L. Nkwman. "TTuu^ Notary Public. VYALTONA WALTON, Attoi neys-at-Law, WOODSTOCK, VA Practice in State and Federal Courts. Oof vu U3 r. h. r?vK\.Nkk j. m.BAiiaaaMaa pWKNKIR jl i>a?;skrman, & Horne ya-at-Law, WOODSTOCK va Jab ?\. W-lj I Kal U KL BORDEN Attorney-al-Law Bey* n practice in 1*78 Owner and Manager of Tl c Mienamioaii Vai ^y Collection *nd Ad iustnjtiii Agency, established 18W. Post-othce address- Calvary, Shenandoah Co., Virginia. oiav la Vj? ivr Y\ H. BRUaiBACK ITOK! AND COUNCELOR AT LAW % fl OOMTOCBi ViKGiMA. Ul ncr . tiecord.'floor. Merchants and Kar? ta' ra Hat k /ruildiag. julys?04. I ) USH H. WILLIAMSON, Woodstock, - - Virginia. COMM^NWKALTH'S ATTORNEY FOR KN ANDO AH COUNTY. Win practice io adjoining counties. be in New Market every Saturday. QH.J. H SMOOT, narin* located n Woodstock, can be found at Li* residence on North Muhlenbura ?r?et, the late residence of Hr. J. L. Campbell # sea not irofesKionaily en^aa-ed. au* d-lvr. D {. 1). D CARTER, Oates and Residence South Mai* r Woodstock, Virginia, t#"Spacial attention given to But *crv. PhonbCall 38. ?ulrio-tf 13ii J B RUSH, Dentist WOODSTOCK, VA. Established in 1889. Office South Mhim Stroci Terms cash. May 2?l>r. ' til. W. S. Ol INK, Resident Physician "SJT Calls answered day or nit ht. 0*??? ?nd residence North alain kt *et. Sfaroh 4?tf. QR.T.F. LOCKE* Resident Dentist, O nea Main Sr., Woodstock, Va rjr Chloroform, either and cocaine ?s*?i ror pai . r>s attraction of t?et*. BARBER SHOP. Court St., Woodstock Va. Warden Fravel, Propr. rs/* Prom pt attention riven to all custo? mer* A Share of the public patronage so ?ld 11 i - H .i i in i._ WOODSTOCK . MARBLE WORKS, fl 000* ""'H. VA ttrrtiisaents, Tombs and ad Kind? a' ramatarv Work Low-.st prices in ibe Valley, Give n.e call. C il <i*jvnt P J. N. DAVIS & CO., FEIL ESTATE MUK WOODSTOCK, VIRGINIA. ?Te nave over one hundred valuable propertlee or ?ale in Virginia, ernbrnciritf large and a .iall tarma. Town Property, Mills, Sineral aid rirnber lands, store stands and stocks of njerrhandise If von want to sell y< m ron rty uuicsi.v-price it at a,r?uotuihl? iq*" and| send tof na,and we will do the ret Vrite mr Cata'.i?vne nov. *o-i ys Farms For Sale An excellent Farm of 136 acres of land, pood building, well watered and fenced. I milea from Kail Road Price only a4,000. Ad excellent small farm of 27 acres of good land well watered, good inn and good Dew dwelliog with bay win dow aod ail necessary out buildiriRs 3 milea from Rail Road Price 12,100. A good small home of ll acres of frne land, about iOO trees of fine fruit, good dwelling in good neighborhood, 4 milea from Kail Road. Price $1060-all on eaay payments. Applr Jo J. N. DANIS A CO., Real Eatate Agents, Woodstock, Va. i a***** aa ?uuaoai AYER'S MAIR VIGOR Stops Falling Hair Aycr's Hair Vigor is composed of sulphur, glycerin, quinin. sodium chlorid. capsicum, sage, alcohol, water, and perfume. Not a single injurious ingredient in this list. Ask your doctor if this is not so. Follow his advice. A hair food, a hair tonic, a hair dressing. Promptly checks falling hair. Completely destroys all dandruff. AYER'S HAIR VIGOR Does not Color the Hair J. C. Ayjtk OSaVaSlI. Lowell. Mm ?. . :. ,,-rr i.. .ive. in a < v i .. :i i the i onntT). where the native* Like life easy, I j nun Mid 1 is starer were < lie day Ittlng 'ii ihe i,,>" h ' runei .! .< '..<? i in a eli rr : '1 < < mfortably back ? in- ak!e of ihe ; i lt* bind legs, remarked: "1 reckoe <?!' maa ' Jasons gol 'i lhat'i over been M around hyc ir H "A puny y. . I >; ed euc, i" it'.-' toned Hie lister. "You betcher!' Hie boy answered, *i would like tu see ir." replied 111* ftri "What ii pity I ain't (aclu* that way!'* A Change of Tune. "Mamma. I'm tired of going to school." "What's the matter, Willie?" "The teaeber"? "Now. don't you say n word against your tea* her. Willie. I've no doubt you annoy her dreadfully, and abe ?semi lilce a \erv nive wort of person" "Well, she astd Ibis ruin' thal she didn't think I had mu. I: ??f a brtugln' up at BOUie, an' " ? "Wait: bid she say tint tl Well, of all the coarse Impudence! Voa shan't go back there another day!" F.xit Wi::ie. grinning. ? Cleveland Ptsta Dealer. Qualified. Parke?1 don't know what 1 a:n ever going tudu wi;h that boy ??f mine. lu? is careless and abet lately reckless et' consequences, and be doesn't seem t?? CBia for any one. Lane <;o??d! You can make a taxicab driver out of alia -Life. A Precaution. "Dickey." said his motlier, Nwh"i you divided thoa* live cn rn mels wltl your sister dill you uive her tlirr ?'.'" "N<?. ma. 1 thought tiny w. ai.! r rome out e\en, so l hiv - nc f rc l li pm to divide."-1 A Coincidence. "I"!.: "that ;. j .:.:!?; d t wor <.?." **Qul <;,' V ill 1 threw li r *.\ i foi- yo i." A FACT ABOUT THE "BLUES" What ls known ss the "Blues" is seldom occasioned by actual exist* ins external conditions, but in the great majority of cases*by a dis? ordered LIVER. aaa THIS IS A FACT which may be demonstra? ted by trying a course of TytfsPills They cootrol and regulate the LIVER, They bringhopeand bouyancy to the mind. They bring health and elastic ay to the body. _TAKE NO SUBSTITUTE. m MARKETS Woodstock, Va., Feb. 18, I OW. (Corrected weekly by F. S. Bowman.) Wheat. 11.19 Oats.65 Corn. 70 Potatoes.1 00 Sweet Potatoes. 1.00 Turkeys.12 Chickens old. lo M spring .10 Etfus. Butter. 1!) Bacon, Side and Shoulder.12 Hams.16 Lard.U Onions.78 LIVE STOCK MARKETS. Sales days (or Live Stock are aa follows: Mondays? Sheep, Hogs and Cattle, Tuesdays?Cattle. [Ail Live Stock sold gross wright.! Bait more Feb. 15. Cattle?Receipts for the week ended itt noon today were 1.521 head, against 1,174 head last wr-ek; 63 car loads on tbe market, Quote 8tceis, rood to choice botchers, $4 75 to f/> 35, others. S3.50 to l4 75; Cows, Hsoto ?4 00; Bulls |z 7*> to $4 2?: He1ter-i.l3.25 to |?.cjo: tresh Cows. |?o to $55 per head. Hogs?Keceipts for the week ended at rom today were i4??S> head, against i'.^sj .lend latt w?ek.Fair supply today an*i moderate* demand Qjr>te- Western* ?6 3o to 6 90 others, $675 to jussi roughs, $550 to 6 00. Sheep and Lamb .--Kectipts for the week ended at n^on to today were 1,610 head against 2,345 head last week. Light sui ply sod fair demand Quote- Lambs, f 5 50 to 8 75: Sheep, lt 50 to 5.50. Calves-Receipts for the w?ek er.Jed at noon todar were head, jit atrair>?t ^n y*, ri Hast week. Fair supply today land market rm. Ouote: Common to bast, a aaa to 8,5 FOR SALE -a rwesparatlrely Ban five roora dwelling and lot on Nortn Muhlenburg street. Price very low to quick buyer. Apply to J. N. Davis A Co., Heal Estate Agents, Wood stock, Va. Monroe Funkhouser, AGK.VT FOK iiilili Mutual Pin \mtm Co. He ii usually found at the Clerk's Office Woodstock, Va Dec. 20 '07-tf. ImOQOI Rdie^aotfrstooach, tap:u?~Uiiu heart Digests wlutjasje<*> A LETTER FROM WEST VIRGINIA Bayard, W. Va., Feb. ll, 1900. Deas editor :? Nearly three years ago I left your town for the west seeking f raployment, and now as I look out, the snow is th? ing and the wind howling, even while 1 am looking- on all of this my mind turns to the Vale of Old Shenandoah] and the playmates of my school days a^o to those older than myself many whose locks are fast turning gray be Danse Ol their year.*. My mind returns in sweet r.-iii' tnbraoee of the many deeds of kindess they bestowed upon me in my younger days, and I will say that in all ray travels I have never met any persons that seemed just like those in old Virginia. I am sorry to learn that (luring those three years there have been many of the older persons, who have gone to their reward, among them were some that I DHICD admired because of their kind treatment. I guess the Valley people along the W. Va., lino certainly have found it out many of the plants haw run very little over a year. During this time I have been out of employ? ment about three months. At pit ft ni I am working for the Davis Coal and Coke Co., at Henry, W. Va., and j guess if many of my old acquaintances should pay me a visit they would de? cline riding to my work with me. At this writing I am running the steam and air pumps in the shaft at the above named place, which is 228 't. below the surface. A minister visited me the other clay. nevertheless be did not knock at th? [loot- of ray underground house?hu: sent me a asl ige down to eon the surface, or as we call it to come to the top. Yes, I almost forgot to tell you that one of the Virginia boys who has married quite recently cam to our work several days at:o. and got employment ncently and am inform? ed by another, his trunk was seen at the station tagged for Middletown, Va. I will leave the reader to guess who it wa>. I think the next time he comes he will bring his wife along then we can hope to keep him longer. Well I guess I must clos?- less I might take a notion to pack my trunk and come to Vir? ginia. With l>est wishes for BKRALD, I am yours, truly, w. h. a. City May Get a Receiver. Roanoke, Va.. Feb. 14.?The city ot Radford is confronted with the ques? tion of naming a receiver and declar? ing the incori oration bankrupt, and to that end a resolution will be intro? duced at the next meeting of the council. The town is said to be considerably embarassed and, owincr to factional differences in the city council. It is regarded with favor by many large property holders. The long w:nter months?heavy foods- lack of exercise decrease your vitality, make you feel mean. Hol? lister's Rocky Mountain Tea gi you vitality?cle is the blood?builds up flesh. Makes you strong and ro? bust. Great Spring medicine. Tea or Tablets, .'>o cents. Schmitt's Drug Store. IT REQUIRES INC) AROUMENT to prove the advantage of having a bank account. The fact that a great mr.jonty of business men have one shows that a bank account is well worth having. THE VALLEY SAVINGS BANK ACCEPTS ACCOUNTS, Wtoodstock, Va-, from men of small affairs as well a rora those of larger interests. It sug? gests that you open one even though your business is not on a large scale. The advantage of the account will BM m>re and more apparent with every day's experience. The Valley Savings Bank, Woodstock, Va. J. L. FELLER. Cashier Oct., 6 tf. House tor sate. A seven roora house on Muhlenbers **tre?t lt fontaine seven tooms, i b-itb room, cellur and basemen kitchen. Aj.ply to H. r.. H. KHOCKEY. Sep;. ll tf FOR SALE. A good dwelling on North Mail street, (west side) with seven room; j pantry and gc>od cellar, electric light! j and pure mountain water In the house j nice lot 60x200 ft Price reasonable Apply to J. N. DAVIS & CO,, , I teal Estate A rente, 1 Woodstock, Va At the Minstrels. "What," asked Mistah Bones of Mis, tali Tambo at tba conclBSJoa <?f thu Justly celebrated silver sand cL.gdance bf Professor BUagheie "what am na dlffum e I til ecu :i red headed brake man dat gits often a freight train an" let! it run lu <?u BS lidia' at I small town at midnight an' a man dal has a whole let o' work to do ;in' keeps Kit tin' soinehody rise ter do lt btCBBSS bl loafs all de time?"' "How dat?" Baked Mistah Tambo, nervously itrummlnf his tambonrlna. Mistah Bonee repeated his conun* drum, and Mr. Tambo immediately said: "What am de dlffunce, anywayV" "One am a-workin' d'- twitch an' de uddah am B-SWltcbUV de work." ex plained Mistah Bom s. Before the applause bad inbslded Mr. Bqneekln de Tbrote, the celebrated contra tenor, stepped t<? the footlights and began the rendition of the pa? thetic ballad. "It Would Haw- Beef All the Same Today if You Hadn't Dope What You I>id."-St. Tani Plo neer-Fress. o l. ri tl Ci h I: a St d h a u B ti 3 P o He Was Under Oath. The late Professor Rowland of Johns Hopkins university was the most end neut physicist itnce the days of Joseph Henry. Among his notable achieve? ments In the realm of pure science was the calculation of the mechanical equivalent of heat and th.* BBB of grat? ings in spectrum analysis, for Which purpose he devised a machine that could cut 40.000 lines to the Inch on a plate of polished metal. In the prac tlcal application of his knowledge: bf was noted as the inventor of the multi plex telegraph apparatus. Boms years ego, testifying in a case involving Hie Cataract Power com nany, in answer to a question on m.^s examination as to who. in his opinion was the greatest American ?dentist he replied. "I am." After leaTlng the courtroom one of the iawyers ventured to criticise this answer for Its effect upon the Jury, whereupon Rowland exclaimed: "Well, what else could I say? Wasn't I under oath?"?New York Globe. Thackeray's "Jeames." The "fashionable reporter'' t.Mr. R. Fi of the Post was a familiar figure at Wedding! and receptions in the forties and fifties, and Thackeray alway! spoke of bim as "Jennies" ami v. ided the vials of ridicule on bim ll ? riged J Imself by carefully leering 'I out of all his lists. "Jeni es" lind one direful experience. When l*rincc Al? bert went to tin* Isl,* of Wlghl to ia Osborne the "fashionable re ?r" managed to get on board thc i '. il yacht before abe left Cowes Whet! the boat was halfway ??< the Bolenl the presence of i itrj on hoard \\:is detected, and he was i:i terrogated by ons of the suit. Jeanie innonnced hu professional poaltloi and was informed that he had been guilty of an unwarrantable intrusion He was forthwith bundled Into a sinai boat which was attached to the j bl and as tin- sea was roU?b he drenched t<> the skin in a few minutes When the yacbl arrived at Portsmouth the tide was low. aid Jeairanrirsi pull ed ont of the boat and compelled t" wade to the shore through the mud a best he could.- London Truth. ri d t! n tl C el n P f. Ii T i. a O *?) el a a <?' v T I e fl Sj o I He Pnid. A well known actor was leaving i small illinois town, near which he har1 spent the summer, for Chicago to al tend renee reals. The actor was drivel up to the rural railroad Kallon and de posited on the platform, together irltl his two trunks. As the train was alu a ? i a] irt he approached a stranger m ar by and said: "Are you going to Chicago on this train?" ?I am." "Have you any baggage?" "No." "Well, friend, you eau do me a favor and lt won't COSt you a cent. I've got two good sized trunks here, and they always make me pay excess for OBS You can get one ? hocked on your ticket and save me some money." ?Y.s, but I haven! any ticket." "But you just said you were going on this train." "So I am. I'm the conductor." The actor paid the excels, as usual. An Awful Liar. Slr Archibald Geikie, the di tin galahad geologist, tells a good story in his capital book of "Scottish Bernini** cences." "1 was quite sure you had baan in our nelgbborhot d." a fri -:.il said to Sir Archibald. "I met thc ol,] fanner' of <;., who had a strange t ile to tell me. Dod, Mr. Calthcart.' he lie gan, 'I ran across the qnasiSBl i?? d;, the Ither day. As I was coming by tin head of tin* ClSfJgb I tbOCBl I heard . wlaeii tinkers QSjarreiin*, but whan 1 look It doon there was ac woe man. Whiles he was channin* tie rocks wi' u hammer, whiles he wa wiitin' In a book, whiles fechthY sri the thorns and mlSCBlfl them f' r ; thal was bid. When he cam up f.ae the burn, him and me had n large c< 0 fab. Dod, he tell't me a" Bhool th. Manes and boo they showed th t Set land was ance like fJreenland. ansOOTSt] in he. A \ery enterteenin" I. i)y. M: ('altin art. but an awfu'. awfu' le.-ar ' -London Tit-Hits. Wcman. Woman, the gentlest uf all nsalBISS lg apt to Um onie masterful and ITS** tyrannical, tins becaaaa lbs bj a cres turu In whose composition eui'lion dominates, and emotion when Righi.' htimulated Ix- SasSS i>asslim. ami pis alon spurns ail raasonabls limitation and becomes '!. Besides, there are wo-m n with more than ordSnnr firm will SUd ll pnipo-e These when winged by the passJsB which l< natural t<> ibe sss bc. onie tatolecant ???rf ul and nioie lyrui.uii al ihan min. v bb hs ihe Intense ac? tion of ti. ' -each erv. and contr.tdi li- n (,n. I.i.e a stormy v. ind. they will have their p ami Ignore ai1 ? ontrarlea. And from thii rSWdomlnance of the emo? tional Stemeal lt seems plain thal, thnugii woman may try many things i ??.! in most. s':e K w iib her normal outfit, materially in* apa<a.ated from hoing a stntesmin or a Juc1, Daybook of John Ptuart l.lackle. Snubbing a Sncb. Jasmin, the Oascon pori ami bsrber, ice treated a ri. I; RM b to the snub fig he deserved. Jasmin had been biting brat is for Hie benefit of ie i>oor and had afterward beti, ?rted in triumphal procession io his ?te!. Next DJOrnlng S'blle he was still bed some one Knocked at Un- door, id a vulgar nabob entered and in ?lled blmstlf wltboni mrttatlon in .-. iair. "My dear Jasmin." said he patron ingiy, "i am a banker, a millionaire. i you know. I wtita you to shave mr 11ls your own band. Phase set to ork at once, for I am pressed for me. Von can ask what you like foi mr trouble." "I'ardon nm. sir." said Jasmin, with ?Ide. "I shave for pay at 1 liv." "What do fOQ say?" "It ls true. sir. I shave for pay onl] : home." "Come, come: Yon are Jesting. I innot be put off. Make your charge hat you like, but shave me." "Again I say. sir. it is Impossible." "Tfo\v Imp -ssilitc? Isn't it fOUl m!"'.'" "It Is. but st this moment I am not ?posed to exercise lt." In spite of renewed bribes and en oaths Jasmin remained firm, and thc ill lona Ire went sway unshaved. Cricket Fighting. Cricket fighting, a national sport it: ie Celestial Kingdom, is < dd to see ricketl are trained. They are cxer Md and dieted, and daily. bef. ateh, smaller, weaker crickets are op and to them tint they may work OUl ?r themselves good fighting sy>tems I matches the bot tin- is very high he Chinese, who are tremendous gani ers. often loss fortunes over crickets * american millionaires lose fortunes .'er race horses. A gOOd 'Ticket li Th? ill last half an hour. The Opposing 'iekets, each in a tubs like a box stall ra dropped into a ring with a irall round it about ali i;i< bea high, a ?inhalant to win most throw his ri II over this wall < lean out of the rim.' Iny bella are rung by the - tn-.- bells bare i pe nllsr ti eclte the cricket - cry freus; (hiing, a cricket with a good record III sell for$5 or $io, while champion* 'ten fetch $90. New Orleans Times emocrat Hard tj Sclieve. A station master requested an in ?ca-" f i 'arv ami threatened t< ave if he didn't get it. The superintendent replied t<> his r?* nest by rt tating a st. ry. "When I was a young man." said 1 [ on..- i!i'! ai J u an- doing I ie IU| eii: .?: .1. c.; of thc line I srs iea w rkln ? ? i' w hat yon have t<-i? ie. lb* refused i y <! ind, and ?ft. ami wi aid : ? a believe lt? illway ii; e !s ruuulug yet." London rt-BI Not Encourcc.ing. A p. a rural church not fa' ?t?m Milwam. e announced the lng lu his i burch during the follow lg trees of two of his parishioners!. He folli wt -I I be ?' luomioeuieiil ie titi" nf the h; mn which was tina > be sung, n wa - "Mistaken B hat Dream of UeavenT ! 'ree Press. The Connection. Sc. tt i remember reading of a vt Ich man who said he'd sooner !?? p lott Yes. ami probably nm remelt! er reading somewhere that all luci re liars, r, eton Transcript He Spoke Carelessly. Suburban i'atleul Sorry to bri" on ; it thc way out h i r. I ? i i.r Oh. d '; i :ry about that! an iee i paiieul and Lill tu iris wi:h i tie tone. Rumers. "Run* r h itli a th. uannd tongues." a. ?? .! i -uv. ??Vc-:, ii il ;'. > ire generally ail ko :c_' at ' a ".'* ndded the simple mug ?hil;.: Fl rd. If r, rim e |: j thee falae t. rtay, te norn \\ ihe'll be true.- Benjamin. Precocious Punctilio. "So you don't believe in Santa 'Ians?" ? I dida't Bxactly say that." answered he little Boston girl. "Hut I don't ap irove of him. 1 utah island that ht alls nfici i'. o'clock and dooen t weal veniug clothes/*?Washington star Not So Sharp. "That N a ihtirp y< ung man yow laughter ls going with these days." "Not so sharp as he thinks he is Ie think! lc is going to v;j, \i mt* f? I home and puncture my bank a ,nt he i I ' He ??????? r?< i Scott's Emulsion of Cod Liver Oil with Hypo phosphites should always be kept in the house for the following reasons: F/rsf?Because, if any member of the family has a hard cold, it will cure it. Second?Because, if the chil? dren are delicate and sickly, it will make them strong and well. Third?Because, if the father or mother is losing flesh and becoming thin and emaciated, it will build them up and give them flesh and strength. Fourth?Because it is the] standard remedy in all throat' and lung affections. ( No household should be with? out it. _ Send this xdvertiv-rnent. together with name ol paper tn whkh tt appears, your address and four cents to cover pastas*, and we will scad you a "Conadete Handy Alla* of thc World.* ^8COTT&rKWT?L40S!Yarl?^NewYanj Ma.'i.nj lt Last. A young mau ivan lately leering his aunt's I uuse sfti r a visit when. I lng it \.,-.s beginning to rain, be caught up bb nmlwells tat wai snugly : iii ;< corner and was proceeding t it when the old lady, who for the Bri tin.- observed his movements, sprat - toward him. exclaiming: -No, no; that y.u n? rer Shall: I've h ?! ?;. t um brails twentyd tree ye.-.rs. and it bai ne*, er been wei yet. au I I am sure it shan't bc wetted nowT?London Ex press. A Golf Story. Peotsnien are noted lor their canni? ness, ai il | story told by a Lancashire commercial traveler, who was up in Aberdeen a fen days ago, shows that ?he men beyond the Tweed are still worthily upholding ti "ir reputation. The traveler in quest ion I ? ?1 by a prospective buyer lo a' -.? the prize fund for the local golf tourna? ment. Ile parted with .". ?hillings, and ns he was interested in golf he re? market! that he Would like lo be kepi Informed of the progress of the tour? nament so that lie could look tut for the result. "Oh." said the customer as he picked up the ." shillings and pieced it secure? ly in his pocket, "ye needni das that. The tournament was held last Satur? day." This was rather a staggerer tor th<* latest contributor t<? tin* prise ff -1 but he retained curiosity enough to In? quire who had proved the nappy vai? ner. The guile Icltor for - serlptlons was quite undaunted, how? ever. "The winner?" he said coyly. "Oh, Just meseiV?Exchange. A Wonderful Shot. They were telling DOW wei! ?hey j could shoot, and Tom hawson recalled I a duck hunt In which he had bBIJUght a five birdl with one shot. ??Talk about ibootln'," began old mau Tilford. "I saw Jim IYrris d>> a mighty Deal piece of work om* d His wife v.;i> pattin' out the nrajsuin', and she v.as complatnln' about the pesky sparrows makin* dirt mar the damp clothes with their feet. "'They're thick as bees round here." lays sh.\ There's teven of vm sft tin" on the clothesline this blessed 1 minute.' "Til fix 'em,' says Jim. takin' down his shotgun, which he nllus keepe loaded with fine bird ibot Qetiptoed to the door, tonk aim and"? "Killed o\. . ? of them ipar*-< ron s," broke In I dawson. "You're wron-." corrected Tilford calmly, -ile never h d '?.?m. but when bil wife t"ok In thc woshfn* found sic had three pair of openwork j itockln'i and a tim- peekaboo ihlrt waist."? Buccesi ali gazlne. Proved an Alibi. This happened at ? certain boarding house, one of those where "a few r** tineti gentlemen may lhere an ci. home." The Kiri with the dun lot ks bn In thc SOU] YVlu n to J lins he noticed a 1o:ilc strim.: of sub stance entirely foreign lo thc soup it? self. It was a hair. In the dim light lt looked BS if it might have been from the timi bend of the wait:ess. Jenkins called her attention to this. remarking that thc best culinary au? thorities ar.- agreed that a strip of cranial capillary substance is ina es> finial to thc of a plate of coiv Bomme or other liquid nourishment She didn't follow him fully, but when she saw him holding up Hie quarter of a yard or m? re of hair ac? cusingly abe sp..kc up in her ow it de? fence. "That ain't minc:" inn declared*In un aggrieved ; ?ne. "it couldn't be mine. Why, I ain't even brushed my hair lines yes ?' '" Sew York press. Foreign Gun Tests. "Til.* government ought t.? guarantee ..ur uuns as it guarantees our money," said a sportsman who bad traveled abroad. "England ami Belgium tc<t and stamp every gun mada In their routines. ?I h.-r.?? rlalled tiie Belgian teettar? works at lae o. .\ mn barrel gets two teSta, The list COBtS ?"? tents, the BBC omi m. Thc works conducted tm those sar-ii fees are s-*if supporting How many lives they must save! The gun barn-is by them ra bested tirst. a charge three times as big as the ordinary one la fired from I hem. They emerge, if they do emerge; strong snongta three times over for the strain to be put on them hereafter. In the .1 test the gnni complete, with the breech action attached, are fired If they tome through agata all right, the government stamps them and they ai" put on the market. It i.s QU 'er that onlyJSughUld ami Holmium \:ir rant lu this splendid way the national firearms." . Going, Going, Gone! A New York auctioneer was begging the , rowd lt r a bsd. He pleaded for ten minnies and then lu desperation cried: "Tor the Lord's sa..e. will BO "tf {Tl e me a hid?" a mild iisskcn gentleman replied "Why. yes. old man. I'll try lo 1. dp ron ont I i ld you good aigtrt" And I he kindly disposed Ona depart? ed, leaving the auctioneer tit the ten? der merries i f a laughing crowd. Kc bODOth :- Herald. Whers T ore's a Will Helen's mot her passed her the cake, mid when the tittil one went to reach across the plate for the largest piece her mamma Bald, "Always take the piece nearest to yon, deer." -Well. then, turn thc plate around." was the answer. Delineator, A Weighty Question. "T took in B? just BOW," said tho first promoter. "Goad SWongh,'1 declared tho ISCOnd promoter. "assail WI Hons] stock to correspond with our lin rt ?sed capital or shall we ha vt' Inn-h?" Puck. His Choics of Poetry. The Test Ttl like to write BOmt \er.t s f..r your paper. Vt bil kl jMK.tn like best? The I d TypSWritten, damed sh. ri" and pani fer at idvi l ,! Lead* r. plsr-racc .? ta t In the j -uni 'iroetrt, but lt the crime. Al. L-fc.- K, Zt*L&J?--. GRAPES, from their most heal*, ful properties, give ROYAL its active and principal ingredient K* Baking Powder Absolutely Pure It is economy to use Royal Baking Powder. It saves labor, health and money. Where the beat food is required no other baking powder or leavening agent can take tho place or do the work of Royal Baking Powder. Woman and Her Back. In Henry Bserleln'i novel "Yrlvand" ? ? is a discovery about the expres of the emotion! which even Ii > forgot to record, it is to the effect Unit woman chiefly uses her back to {Kinsey la intents. Ami. indeed. ! any . i e ob en er of the human i om i edy<r-.jn hardly fail t.? notice that t!-..-s ?an wish to annihilate a rival and casi despair into the aoul of a lover site dimply turns an expressive back upon them. No tears, no wrath, no In lotion, can vie with this maneuver. whlcb has i the advantage of being noncommittal, for no one. in the cur rent jargon, tata "give herself away" .with her back. Thc expression of thc emotions by thia part of tin* ana) is dignified, if a trine limited. When a woman cries sn b deplorable grimace i k i angry, I ? face will assume an coming r> I. Very few rn use of the geetuse of the bunda ant! arms. Thu is wv woman, arith ber primordial Instinctive wisdom, a - lier bark, especially srben it is beauti? ful, as tam of K ea pons in (he eternally diverting amr of tl ? res. Toward the Pete. Ice*elght teet thick on tit** ocean and snow falling even lu simmer such is Hie; weather experienced in the Begiona. When the air is dry ind lt la remarkable how low a tempera? ture can be borne with ea:?e. One ex? plorer tells us that with tin* thorn;-? ter at 0 degrees ir was i >o warm for ikating. The ii weather iu | region ls. moreover, i n peet* [ pleasant end healthful. IVithin | arctic zone then* are wonderfully ored sunrises and sunsets to be seen Tliey are both brilliant and Impressive, ; says i writer in the Penny Pictorial. ! But the nights the nights are monot odom and repelling, a rigid world buried i-i everlasting snow, silent for the cracking of I wall of the wind. Travelers :.. ? re ; gioni experience many discomforts. Thc keen air cansea their skin to bur. ,:mh1 blister, ar bile their Ups swell an.'. track. Thirst, again, has been complained of, irising from the a. ?of the low temperature on thc warm fbody. The Lady and the Sheep. Some t.f the members . t* the British legation were talking about the lari fihsii tf Persia. "When the shah was hi I. paid a }wuing man. "he amused him? self nt a*dinner party at a ducal resl deaee In Part lane by appraising the bes ali ? f the ladles present In num* ber OsSsheWp Tims f t I blond count? ess hSBSBld la* would '-'ht* 1.200 sheep; for a tall, slim baroness be said be would ogive 2.000 sheep; for a peeress of mldstta ave be -.id he would give 2B0 sheep., and so oo "Finally-the-shah came to the beauti? ful Mrs. Wi'Jie .Tames. Everybody waited In anxious silence to bear tbs old heathen state her value lu sheep. for she was J nota: ht to be the most beautiful wosssBi In London. "The shah lttokvnl at Mrs Janies ten? derly. Ile shook gill head ami sighed. 44 'This lady, bs said, ta out of the question. Neither i iwr any other man J in the world owns m*. immy sheep as i she is worth.1" Why the Earth Cannot Explode. The theory is frequently advai ced that pl mers and even suns sometimes ex plod" and that the earth may BOOM [ day blow up like a bombshell. N celestial body the size of the earth could possibly explode. If the entire molten Interior of our globe could I* replaced with rdtrraglyecrln ami nato neted the expkosdon would nvt lift tin earth's crust, la other words, if Wi assume that the crust of the earth ll from fifty to a hundred miles in thick? ness lt weald re<rnire something much more powerful than even nltn ui.v erin to burst i he *hell. lt ls necessary only ttl du | little figuring to see that the pressure of the earth's crust st it dt pth of from fifty to a hundred miles far exceeds thc ptnaawji tl bj the most powerful high explosive. Hudson Ma. !m. Too Liberal. "' SU, yts," fciid old Uncle Lnzzen herr.., whs) was intimately acquainted with laos! of the happenstance's of thc Village, Almira Sbtng has broken off her engnsjsasene wit ii Charles llsnry Toot'. Uar. Tliey'd be goto' tefl for about Bight years, durba' which time she bad beta ineuicmin' late hiss, as you nilgart call lt. the beauties of ecouomy. Hut when she .. lately bal ha had learnt his les son so well that he had sm-vd up 21T pairs of socks for her to dani Immodi ntely after the BsaddlSSJ she 'peared t? conclude th;tl ht- bad tuleen her advlet a little too UtefBfly and broke oflf tin match."--Pm k. Moneymaking Frenchmen. If you meet n family party in I finely appointed csrrlaga ss tho island of Montreal. : | ??* ibm I ont of ten it I: a French family. That the Renell can make money when they give theil minds to tbe 'jr^aie" the fart tbait tin leading family ;,*rs bi Mont real ls French %idh ates.? Toron^ Cl nadian Courier. , \ Her Lockout. "I must tell you tl ? on me." said a busluos woman who ' bach" in a cnn "Lae! week I miIted two f;. lunch*:: As i tu Jual ar at noon I got i. fore I left In th. g that could ba pre? pared aa.I -et on the Ice 1 I idi a ed fol ble in all its glory, even buying I Bowel i for i ? enterplece. My t met 'aa* ar :; . ami we went to the apartment. What do you 1 had do ne'/ Left my kc; - i locked the door'. "There was absolutely no way f< r us to get in. Tin* Janitor hail a lass key. but he was away. All thc th.* lire escapes v.,av locked, Slid lie other key In the building titted. There was nothing t-o do but take my >. to a restaurant. Then I foo I had not even brought my purse from the ottice. never dreaming that I - lld need lt. I ask my guee money to pay for the luncheon, si ?'. bj it happened, they ni ;i quar? ter each Shove their carfare. Wt- w at to the cheapest place we could lind sud had aandwl hes and coffee. Wasn't that funny?'' ?Philadelphia Led. Accommodating. ?'Some years BgO," IBJI a Boston lawyer, "a man in Nantucket was tried for i petty ? ind sent. to four months la jail. A few days after the trial the judge who had lm i sentence, in company with the sheriff, was on his way to the Booton b-.at. when ikey passed a man busily d tn sawing rn ? d. "The man stopped his work, touched his hat politely and said, 'Good morn? ing, your honor.' "The Judge, after a careful survey of the man's fees, asked: "'Isn't tail the man I sentenced to jail a few days ag ?* 'Yes.' replied the sheriff, with hesitation. Mhat's thc man. The fact is, judge, wt er-we don't banes n to have anybody bum In jail just nov, so we thought it would be a sort of BJ ? Bananas to hire boom ona ? the jail four months just fur this .,ne man. Bo I gars him the jail k int] told him lt would be all right if he'd sleep there o' nights.'" ?Harper's Weekly. His Belief. A drunken .arter came into a car? riage of the Greenock train ar. : opposite a clergyman arno B - read* pnper. Etc - pro? fess: u of his vii tba carn r in a little while leaned forward ? d in a maudlin way remarked. "I < Iii \ ?? tbere'i ony beai en." Thc ? .n paid no :.. "Do ye bear me?" ; tho carter. "I don't believe meres ony heaven." stn thc clergyman remained silent 1 behind ins newspaper. The tarter. si,.n this time 1. Udly. -aid. "1 tell \ ? to ymir face, and y< u're a minister. ; I tb n't 1 "!f -ve then ? \. ry wei1.." said thc clergyman, "if you d<> not go elsewhere, but { ."? London Graphic. One cf the Luck*/ Ones. \ : aly of title, an ard? is very uni t in the mat! r - f spills. The i bo means f. r the fir-: n t ngiat various rep lil '? r The little girl . f th. Batched and then rems rited: "i think mamma*! very unlucky with r. d n't J m ubi ky. dal ya viv?" replied ri me. ? "Whj, r<?: i'd particularly unlu<k>. II* r I .'s alive, ain't -I..'-" "Yes, of *< ? -. kt "Well 'aral rejoti ?'.? r. with au - of our ci Kl i I me A I i Kl i m it * the io; tks of ? our . . i. ? . se* a d ? ? gs* ur! ? Bj ? i I ll ?i F-.-ov.nbs. coal -ur < I- th." The folio.. ? In? dia: t your Qed I jr." "I | for ." ls another Indi is jr- verb whit rh ls bobib . like the I". rb, -Beg? gars mu- I osora." A Person cf Nota. Colonel PghtSC- Bfhl B singer, isn't he. r.usenb-ir!;'. Rr uher Ibisr*r.bark Viasahl 1 ' Tdc-cgcd .In'. Dat Ik,, PSB, BU antttagly de most tnalotiorouo culled pusaou lu dis whole tosm.-Puck, w