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SPARKS FAMILY HAPPENINGS
THE KID EATS BY EDWARD BS. SPARKS eat in the window of tne muo flat, darning. Tommy Sparks, aged tour, had been allowed to go alone to play in the great yard that lies between the apart ment building and the swell private resi dence which faceB the drive. Mr. Sparks was , at his office, and an the young SparKses, barring Tommy, were at school. From Mrs. Sparks' vantage point In the lit tle bay window she could catch occa sional glimpses ol a painter in the big yard next door, who was moving along slowly from stone to stone painting the foundation of the house of their rich neighbor a subdued sort of red color. Mrs. Sparks was dreamily wonder ing why thtf foundation which had been pretty in its natural hue, need ed painting at all, when Tommy Sparks toddled In through the door way leading from the kitchen. Tommy had come up from the yard the back way. Tommy had some streaks of red running diagonally down from each corner of his mouth, and his linen dress was spotted in places with the same color. "Tommy Sparks," demanded his mother, "what on earth have you been eating?" Tommy climbed into a chair, swung his legs in his Infantile way and said: "Mamma, painter's pie's good." Mrs. Sparks gave one hurried, hor rified glance through the window at the red paint which was being aauDea on the neighbor's house, and then turned her anguished countenance toward Tommy. "Tommy," her voice was a pleading wall, "did you eat the painter's stuff out of the pall? "Yes, out of the pail; painters pies good," answered Tommy. Mrs Sparks shrieked. The maid rushed in from the kitchen. "Get the doctor, the druggist and Mr. Sparks," Bcreamed Mrs. Sparks. "Tommy's eat en paint and sugar of lead and every thing. Go, girl, go." Susan rusneo through the door, sent the corner druggist flying up to the housfe, or dered the clerk to telephone Mr. Sparks and then sat out on a chase for the doctor. In the meantime Mrs. Sparks was moaning over Tommy, who was tak ing the unusual commotion which he had created as blandly as would most four-year-olders. He Insisted on occa sionally reiterating that "painter's pie was good," and at each reiteration the 'mother's heart sank. .The druggist rushed in. "Tommy has eaten paint. Heaven alone knows how much. It must have had sugar of lead In it, and that's sweet and that's why he ate it." The druggist grabbed up Tommy, half threw him onto a lounge, and then turned to the mother. "Control yourself, Mrs. Sparks; life depends on Instant action. Get me salt, potash and softsoap." Luckily Mrs. Sparks bad all three articles in the house, end she rushed off to .the kitchen and brought them back. Tommy as yet showed no sign of collapse. The drug gist put two tablespoonfuls of salt In half a glass of lukewarm water and forced Tommy to swallow it sputter ing. This dose was followed up with a heroic one of potash, and then Tommy was made to swallow a large coffee cupful of softsoap. With the soap down and Tommy's eyes hang ing out of his head and well down over his cheek bones, the druggist turned the youngster over on his - ctomach on the couch and shook him. The only thing about Tommy that didn't rebel at this treatment was his stomach. That held onto its unaccus tomed load with a pertinacity worthy of something better. At this Juncture the painter appeared on the scene. He admitted to the tearful Mrs. Sparks that he had left his paint pot on the ground where Tommy could have found It for about five minutes while he went round the- corner to get a glass of beer. At, this Instant the doctor fell in at the door on the heels of the maid He approved the druggist's treatment and added to It a large dose of ipecac. Under this last added horror Tommy's stomach and spirit both gave way. Like the younger hopeful in Helen's Babies, he played whale, and while he didn't cast up Jonah he cast up pretty near everything else. While Tommy was In the throes Mr. Sparks arrived, ashy-lipped and shak en. The doctor turned to him. "I trust, Mr. Sparks, that if we can keep him at it for ten minutes more we njay save Iris life." Tommy kept at it. The painter, who had retreated be fore the stricken countenance of Mrs. Sparks, now reappeared. He was car rying in one hand a dinner pail, which lie held upside down to show those assembled that It was absolutely empty. "When I came to work this morn ing," the painter said, "I had three in't got any now, a fact I Just dis covered. I guess maybe the young ster knows where it went" PAINTER'S P.E. B. CLARK tommy, just out of a paroxysm, turned his head and caught sight of the empty dinner pail. "Painter's pie's good," he murmured. Mrs. Sparks sank into a chair laugh ing and crying hysterically. A grin appeared on Mr. Spark's face. The doctor and the druggist looked dis gusted. Mr. Sparks gave the painter a dollar. "Go to a restaurant and get a square meal," be said. "Henry," said Mrs. Sparks, still in a struggle between two emotions, "what shall we do with that boy?" "Well," answered Henry as he sur veyed Tommy and his surroundings, "I think from the cleaning these two professional gentlemen have Just giv en him, that if we could turn him in side out he'd make a good advertise ment for some brand of soap." The Sparks' Old Soldier Janitor. "Eliza," said Mr.. Sparks on the night of the day that they moved into their new flat, "this apartment life is worse than one of Dante's circles. I'll make Just one more move before I die, and that will be into a house in a suburb. Here we are just moved, everything topsy-turvy and no girl. Of course, the latest .acquisition from the employment bureau had to leave us just to throw all the burden of the packing up and the unpacking on us. Then again the janitors of all flats are devils. I'll bet the one in this build ing will prove to be worse, than any of the others, and even a "man accus tomed to using strong language can't say anything stronger than that. Just look at this muss, will you, and no one to help us, fix up." Just then the front doorbell rang. "WHAT ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN EATING?" Henry Sparks stumbled over two trunks, his daughter's bicycle, barked his shin, bruised his toes and finally reached the door. There in the hall stood a young woman, comely ai'd strong looking. "Is this the place you want a girl?" she asked. A sudden joy leaped Into Henry Sparks' heart. "Yes," he said. "Come in. We have just moved; we're all up side, down here. Look out for the boxes!" Then Mr. Sparks led the way into the dining-room and, turned the caller over to his wife. "Yes, we want a girl," said Mrs. Sparks; "we've Just moved in, and It may be you won't want to stay now; you see how things are and what cleaning Is to be done." girl. "I'm not afraid to work," said the girl. At this answer, Henry Sparks, who stood In a corner, almost fainted. The girl produced a letter from a Luther an clergyman in a little country, vil lage.. It happened that Henry Sparks knew the man. The girl was taken on the spot, as she declared she was ready 'to go to work then and there and would have her things sent right over from her cousin's. During the whole conversation Mrs Sparks' face had worn -rather a puz zled expression. When the girl had volunteered to stay Mrs. Sparks said: "How did you happen to know we wanted a girl?" "I saw your advertisement," was the answer. ' "Here It is," and the girl pulled out a copy of the morning pa per. Mrs. Sparks took it "Mercy," she exclaimed, "that's the advertise ment of Mrs. Smlthkins, who lives in the flat underneath this. You came to the wrong apartment' "Well, I like the looks of this place anyway, and I'll stay." "Henry,"8 said Mrs. Sparks, "won't It be a case of fatae pretense if we keep her?" , "Not by a Jugful. I'll send Mrs. Smlthkins the price of her advertise ment in an anonymous letter. 'To have and to hold' is a good motto in a case like this." That girl Rose, who stumbled into the Sparks' flat that moving day night, was a dream. She cooked things to a turn; she was willing; she didnTJ have a cross word In her vocabulary; she didn't care to go to balls on Sat- I urday night, and she was plump and good-looking. The Sparks' family life was ideal. One morning as Mr. Sparks was leaving the building to go to the office he met the Janitor, who was coming up from the basement leading a child with each hand. Mr. Sparks had bare ly noticed the janitor before. This morning something in the man's bear ing struck him and turning, he said: "William, you've been in the service." "Yes, sir," said William, "I put lh five years in the Fourth cavalry." "I can tell a regular the minute I clap eyes on him," said Mr. Sparks. "I put In a good many years myself. You have. two fine children here, Will iam." "Yes," said William assentingly, and then Mr. Sparks said "Good-bye." That night when Mr. Sparks reach ed home his wife said: "The Janitor came up today and washed the win dows. I didn't think it was a part of his work, but he said it was all right and insisted. He' told me that he usnd to be in the regular army and that he knew you had been in the service, too." "That's it, Eliza," said Henry, "an old soldier likes to do things for an other old soldier. He washed our win dows because we had both done hard duty on the plains. He muBt be a good, steady fellow, for he has a wife .and two children. tThey have a flat in the basement." Mr. Sparks met William quite fre quently after this. William always saluted. If he happened to be stnnd iug still as Mr. Sparks passed he would come to "attention," clicking his heels together the while and salut ing like the old campaigner he was. Almost every night when he reached home Mrs. Sparks would tell Henry of some new act of attention on the pari of the Janitor. "He came up and went all over the plumbing today," she said one night. "He said he wanted to make sure that there wasn't any sewer gas In the place." "There, it is JUBt as I told you, Eliza," said Mr. Sparks; "this Janitor doesn't want to see the family of an old soldier suffer. I'll give him a box of cigars tonight Eliza, this Is the finest kind of life. Never talk to me again about taking a suburban house. H Nuisance at the Table Sto-y of the Man Who Always Tried to Be Funny, Especially Be fore Guests. In a story by 'Mary Stewart Cut ting in the Woman's Home Compan ion appears the following characteriz ation of a man who made himself a nuisance by always trying to be funny: "Mr. Brentwood was well born, well educated and successful in affairs. He had, In the eyes of his family, one fault he had a masculine sense of humor of a homely, almost rural type, at which his family winced uncon trollably. Mrs. Brentwood, even from the earliest days of their marriage, had been wont to implore her Theo dore when they were expecting com pany, not to be funny." "Certain jokes or mannerisms of his at the table were of daily occur rence. Hardly noticed any more when they were alone, they sprang into startling prominence when there were guests. He always said, 'People come from miles around to hear us drink soup.' He Jovially inquired if he might 'borrow the butter,' or if Ellen, the waitress, could 'spare him another Here tbs best girl tKM efwr worked out stumbles In on us by accident, and we get a janitor who serves us as though we were moguls." Things went on this . way tor months. Henry Sparks told five real estate agents to quit looking up a country home for hiin. "You can't beat the combination I've got right here In the heart of Chicago," he said. A box of cigars. went a long way with the janitor. He Insisted on beating the Sparks rugs, he glided the radiators, he fixed the door knobs, and toward the end of the second month he was washing the windows every other day. The windows of the other flats were dingy and finger-marked. Rosa was a pearl of great price. She anticipated every wish of every mem ber of the family. There was little left for Mrs. Sparks to do. but to em broider and to mend Frances' stock ings. For some reason or other, Henry SparkB, though he had always prided himself on his perspicacity, never noticed that whenever William found that something In the kitchen needed fixing the job was always one that required three or four days' time. One night Mr. Sparks went down town to do some work. He didn't get back till one o'clock. He slipped oft his shoes at the door so as not to awaken his wife. He passed through the hall, and feeling hungry he went back through the dining room with a mind and appetite bent on exploring the kitchen pantry. The ddor leading Into the kitchen was shut.' In his stocking feet Mr. Sparks made no noise. He, opened the door quickly. The kitchen gas was burning. From the far end of the room came a click ing noise. William the Janitor was standing at attention with his hnels brought sharply together. As the man jumped to the position of a soldier Mr. Sparks saw that one of his arms had just dropped from Its position Of embrace about the waist of Rosa, ibe maid. Mr. Sparks was horrified. Ho Wont back to days when as a "non-com" he had verbally lashed some bluecoat duty derelict. 'William," he said In a voice of thunder, "how dare you! You're a scoundrel, sir!" "William's hand went to his fore head In a salute. "Rosa and I are to be married next week, Mr. Sparks," he said. ' Married! was the gasping re sponse. "How about your wife and two children down stairs?" "That's my widowed sister and her two little ones. She's been keeping house for me," said William. Mr. Sparks groaned and went limply back Into the front room. He waked his wife. "Eliza," he said, "our dream Is over. Rosa is going to marry the Janitor. It wasn't any old soldier sentiment at all that made him wash windows. I'll tell Hunt In the morn ing to look for a home for us in the country," and, sighing, Mr. Sparks wont to bed. . At the breakfast table next morning William and Rosa came In band In hand. "We're going to be married next week, .Mrs. Sparks,," said Rosa, "but my slBter wants a place and I'll send her here. She's a better cook than I am." At this bit of Information Mr. Sparks' face cleared visibly. "You both have my blessing," he said; "send in your sister Rosa, and If Will lam leaves here I'll got old Hlghrates the landlord, to send a good Janitor In his place, but I'll take good care that he Is not an old soldier." And then, forgetful of everything else, Mr, Sparks turned to his wife and said: "They can't resist an old soldier, can they, my dear?" Danger In "Shuttle Kissing." "Shuttle kissing," as a vehicle for the transmission of diseases from one person to another employed In Eng lish weaving sheds, Is the subject of a recent report which has been Issued as a parliamentary paper. The "kiss ing" referred to takes place when the operator puts the thread through an eye In the shuttle. This is done by placing the shuttle In the mouth and sucking the thread through the little opening. The report says that while the Investigation has shown the pres ent method to be uncleanly "and may even be a possible means of spreading infection," the committee does . not think the time is yet ripe for insisting either by act of parliament or by reg ulations on the abolition of the exist ing form of shuttle. slice of bread.' He made puns on the vegetables and he had a habit of look ing with sudden suspicion at any dish handed to him, no matter how famil iar, and asking disgustedly, 'What Is this, anyway?' Strangers always In spired him particularly to their enter tainment Certain ancient, inherited anecdotes could be endured by his wife and children, even If. with ach ing strain, but there was a' bathtub story (Mr. Brentwood had in his early boyhood migrated with his parents to what was then the edge of the prai ries) beginning mendaciously, 'You know, we never took baths when I was a boy,' that, though it was amus ing, nearly went beyond the pale of refinement, and an awful toothbrush story which positively did. If people laughed at his stories, Mr. Brent wood became practically untrara meled. "Another common table remark by Mr. Brentwood was that he never bad any use for potato salad, because cold potatoes always reminded him of cold feet It was also his habit to admonish people to 'eat 'slowly and distinctly.' He got this from the old saying, 'Read slowly and dlstincUjr.' NEWEST IDEA ii"1 ' Copyright, 1912, by Underwood & Underwood, N. Y. Finding the small mirror in the vanity case inadequate, a new opera bag has been made, the top fitted with a bevelled mirror of fair size, showing a good deal of the features. The mirror part is folded inside the bag, giving it a flat effect WHEN BUYING WRITING PAPER Certain Times of the Year" When Suitable Colors and Tones May Be Acquired In Quantities. The woman who would get the most for her money buys her writing paper in quantity at an annual sale. The reason for these sales is that the manfacturers accumulate small lots of discontinued papers. They are not cheap qualities or seconds, merely styles that are not novel. It is possible to get four quires of paper apd 100 envelopes for a dollar, and there is a choice of different weight, texture and color of the paper, various shades of blue, gray, lavender, cream and white, also stripes and bars In self tones. TheBO come in two sizes, usually letter and note. Marking varies according to color. Two-colored letters are most expen lve; plain gold, silver or a single notalllc color coBts about 25 cents a quire; a single plain color, gray, blue, violet or brown, ten cents a quire, and embossing in relief without color, about five cents a quire. These are landard prices almost everywhere he year round, the reduction being I on the price of paper.; In buying paper by the quantity it is not wise to choose novelties. An inconspicuous color and good quality is always good. Many women adopt a certain tone and kind of paper and nake It individual. Thus, the girl who loves violet will have pale violet paper with a deeper tone or sliver ror tne stamping, while the transparent en velopes are lined with violet tissue paper of a deeper shade than the en velope. .Gray paper or very pale blue is also permissible, but it is bad form to use garish stationery. STYLISH FROCK. Brown voile over blue silk was the material used for the dress shown in the sketch. vThls stylish but easily made frock has a plain blouse, sleeves and bodice in one and high waist line with short gathered peplum. The sole trimming of the bodice is finely plaited frills of cream shadow lace which turn back from elbows and neck. The sketch above shows a sim ple arrangement of a pannier, which s of the voile draped over the voile' covered underskirt. Three wide ruf fles of the voile finishing the skirt add another tench of qualntness to this pretty frock. IN OPERA BAGS GIVE TOUCH OF SMARTNESS Artificial Rose or Orchid, Easily Made, Adds Much to Appearance of an Evening Gown. Moke a hues rose of black velvet if you need a little extra touch of smart ness for your evening or tea gown. The rose is formed of a dozen or eighteen petals, cut in the graduated sizes pertaining to tne natural nower. eighteen petals, cut in the graduated foudatlon easily made of firmly twisted chentle. To make the petals appear crisp, the velvet Instead of being doubled, as is done in making exotics of thin material, is smoothly pasted on one side of a piece of coarse black net. The necessary quantity of mucilage used will stiffen the joined mntprldls to the desired firmness and yet they will be sufficiently flexible to be easily pressed into proper shape wnenever aisarrangeu. Easier to shape than the rose Is the orchid. This, also made of velvet and coarse net, has six long and slender netals with pointed ends tied at their tips with slender golden threads. An olive, such as la employed in connec tion with military' loops, is the best foundation for a velvet orchid, and to one end of it the wider ends of the petals may be securely fastened. This will leave a point protruding from the heart of the exotic, but one which may be beautiful concealed un der a catllx group of seven yellow silk French knots. The other , nair. of the olive will be needed as the base through which to thrust the safety pins that fasten the flower at the breast or wherever the corsage boti quet is worn. Bridge Maxims. A good partner is rather to be chos. en than great hands. Jack of all suits Is master of none. A fool and his aces are soon parted. It's a long suit that has no return ing. Take care 'of the trumps and the tricks will take care of themselves. A little 10-ace is a dangerous thing. Bridge table conversations corrupt good manners. A woman is known by th6 trumps she keeps. ( The wages of bridge, is debt. The proof of the bidding Is la the beating. All honor is not without profit, save in the dummy. Coiffure Modes. Fringes both straight and curled still persist, but only a few strands of hair are cut upon the forehead. Puffs and curls are arranged from back to front instead of following the line of the brow, and the dressing is done very softly and with a strong bias In favor of the side parting. There are no longer any coils show ing on the top of the head, but the back is covered with puffs so soft and flat that they look like waves. Dress Notes. Ribbons with the picot edge ar new, and it is usually very much eas ier to twist a crush belt out of them than to make one out of a pleee ma terial. Then gold and sliver tissue stock ings worn with strapped shoes rich ly jeweled at the toe and along th strap are a feature of the eveninj dress outfit Bright colors, prlncipallj emerald, cerise, blue and a rich ton j of rose, are much in evidence.