OCR Interpretation


Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, June 30, 1887, Image 3

Image and text provided by Kansas State Historical Society; Topeka, KS

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn85032814/1887-06-30/ed-1/seq-3/

What is OCR?


Thumbnail for

M
THOMAS COUNTY CAT.
W. C. PORTER, Publisner.
coLcr.
KANSAS.
MRS. PIPER.
Mr3. Piper was a widow
"Oh, Sear me 2
This world is not at all," she salfl. "the place
it used to be !
'ow my poor husband, he was such a good
man to proride
3 nerer had the leastest care of any thing out
side! 3ut now,
"Why, there's the cow.
A constant care, and Brindle's calf I used to
feed when small,
.And those two Ayrshire heifers that we pur
chased in the fall
On, dear!
3Iy husband sleeping in the grave, it's gloomy
being here.'
"The oxen Mr. Piper broke, and four steers
two year old,
The blind mare and the little colt, they all
wait to be sold!
Tot how am I to koep 'em now! and yet how
shall I sell?
And what's the price they ought to bring, fcow
can a woman tell?
3ow Jacob Smith, he called last night, and
staid til! nine o'clock.
And talked and talked, and talked and talked,
and tried to buy my stock;
He said he'd pay a higher price than any man
in town;
"He'd give his note, or, if I chose, he'd pay the
money down.
Hut. there!
To let him take those creeturs o!T, I really do
not dare!
"For 'tis a lying world, and men are slippery
things at best;
3Iy poor dear husband in the ground, he
i asn't like the rest !
Tlut Jacob Smith's a diSerent case; if I would
let him. now,
.Perhaps he'd wrong me on the hore. or cheat
me on a cow;
And so
1 do not dare to trust him, and I mean to an
swer 'No.'"
Mrs. Piper was a widow
Oh. dear me !
A single woman with a farm must fight her
way." said she.
" Of every thing about the land my husband al
ways knew;
I never felt, when he was here, I'd any thing
to do:
But now. what fields to plow.
And how much hay I ought to cut, and just
what crops to sow.
And what to tell the hired men, bow car. a
woman know?
Oh. dear!
With no strong arm to lean upon, it's lone
some being here!
2owJacob Smith, the other night, he called
on me again.
And talked and talked, and talked asdtalkeu,
nd staid till arter ten;
He said he'd like to take my farm, to buy it
or to lease
1 do declare, I wish that man would give bc
any peace!
T"or, there!
To trust him with my real estate I truly do
not dare;
Tor, if he buys it. on the price he'll cheat me
underhand:
And, if he lease it, I know he will run out the
land;
And, if he take it at the halves, both halves
he'll strike for then.
It's risky work when women folk have deal
ings with the men !
And so
I do not dare to trust him, and I mean to an
swer 'No.'"
Mrs. Piper was a widow
-'Oh, dear me!
Yet I hare still some mercies left: I won't
complain," said she.
"" My poor, dear husband knows, I trust, a bet
ter world than this;
"Twere sinful selthness in me to grudge him
Heaven's bliss !
So now,
1 ought to bow
Submissively to what is sent not murmur
and repine;
The hand that sends our trials has in all
some good design.
Oh, dear!
It we knew all, we might not want our buried
IcHtones here!
And Jacob Smith, he catted last night, but it
was not to see
About the cattle or the farm, bmt this time it
was me '
Jle said he prized me very high, and wished
Id be his wife.
And if I did not ho should lead a most unhap
py life.
31c did not hava a selfish thought, but gladly,
for my sake.
The care of all my stock and farm he wouli
consent to take
And. there!
To slight so plain a Providence I really do
not dare!
He'll take the cattle off my mind, he'll carry
on the farm
1 ha cn't since my husband died had such a
sense ot calm!
1 think the man was sent to me a poor lone
woman mut,
In such a -world as this, I feel, have some one
she can trust;
And .o
1 do not feel it would be right for me to an
swer Co." "
Xariait Dougtar, in Century Xagszinf.
Established Customs Surrounding
a Happy Event.
grading; the Bint In Church Bridesmaid
and riuncr Marriage Settlements
The Bride' Coach The Wedding
Kreakfatt Glft Woman' Itule.
The historv of wedding customs, the
folkJorc, the observances thee form
a most fascinating chapter to the stu
dent of men and manners in this his
toric old metropolis. The word "wed
ding" is Anglo-Saxon and means "a
pledge," this pledge being the ring,
and a circle of gold is bestowed by the
man to signify that he will perform his
part of the contract. The old En
glish wedding-ring i an exceedingly
narrow, almost thread-like band of
gold. Guinea gold, as that of deep
yellow hue is called, is the metal used.
Each ring is marked inside with the
symbols of the goldsmiths' hall; hence
the expression "hall-marked." gold or
.silver. Heavy penalties are prescribed
lor counterfeiting this mark. It was
at one time a capital offense, but now
penal servitude is the punishment in
flicted. "When a young woman here is about
to marry, if she be not married at a
-registrar's office, her bans are called
in church on three successive Sundbys.
She must be called in church, else the
contract will have to be ratified by the
registrar. A residence in the parish of
some weeks is necessary to entitle the
contracting parties to "have the cere
mony performed in the parish church.
If the man and the woman live in dif
ferent parishes, the bans of each must
be called at the same time in their re
spective parishes. It is regarded as
unlucky for a prospective bride and
groom to hear their own bans read
out- They must, however, each be
represented by a friend.
Until very lately weddings always
took place in the morning or high
noon, save by special license- The
ceremony is always performed in
church, although the Jews of London
solemnize the rites either in the syna
gogue or at the house of the bride.
Any one who chooses may enter the
church and witness the ceremony, but
it is usual to invite intimate
friends of the family to accompany
the bridal party to the church. The
custom of bridemaids is more general
here than even in America; but, save
among very wealthy people, the cos
tumes on these occasions are plain
either a light silk or a traveling dress.
Flowers, as in America, are present in
more or less profusion. Notwithstand
ing the nearness of the warm coun
tries of the continent and the cheap
ness of their blossoms when sent here,
natural orange blossoms are not much
used by the middle classes. White li
lacs are more favored as bride's blos
soms. The vail is nearly always worn.
No matter what the dress may be, the
bridal vail is looked upon as a prime
essential.
If there be property on both sides or
on either side settlements are made
through the medium of the respective
family solicitors of the parties. An
old English custom still in vogue
among high and low alike, makes it
imperative that the bride shall take
her household linen to her intended
lord. While he furnishes the house
she provides the linen, which natural
ly varies in quality and quantity with
her pecuniary position. An English
girl, however humble her position may
be, regards this provision of linen as a
sacred duty from her childhood up. It
is considered a womanly obligation.
When the marriage ceremonies have
been concluded and the books signed
in the vestry-room, a fee is paid to the
parish clerk, to be shared with the
vicar, with a small gratuity to the
parish beadle. Tins fee may be as
large as generosity will permit, but it
should be at least fifteen shillings,
though where there is poverty, it may
be as low as five shillings, but not
lower. On leaving the church the
friends assembled shower the newly
wedded couple with rice and slippers.
If the bride weep copiously it is re
garded as a good omen, while it is con
sidered an evil omen if she do not
weep. In the good old days, when
witchcraft was a matter of common be
lief, it was said that a witch could only
shed three tears from her left eye.
Therefore to weep copiously from both
eyes was ample proof that the bride
was not given over to Satan and his
ways.
As the bridal party leave the church
there is in waiting a special carriage
for the bride, called a "bride coach."
It is quite a sumptuous affair, with
plenty of plate glass. In fact, the en
tire front of the body is of glass. The
fittings inside are of elaborate white
satin. All these customs are, of course,
those of the middle classes. While the
same customs to a certain extent pre
vail everywhere, here great wealth
sometimes makes decided changes in
the mode of procedure.
Arrived at home there is the tradi
tional old English breakfast spread,
now honored more in the breach than
in the observance. This breakfast is
in effect a dinner, although the feast is
usually a cold one game of all kinds,
wines, fruits, salads, puddings, etc.,
and in the center of the table the
bride's cake, portions of which arc later
on sent to the various friends of both
parties. The bride alone must cut the
cake, thus beginning the feast. But
the cake has already been stabbed in
slight preparation for the cutting by
the bride. For the bride to keep a por
tion of her cake is said to be "lucky."
Tradition has it that the Queen of En
gland has still in her possession a
goodly portion of her wedding-cake.
Directly the cake is cut the father, or
the one nearest of kin to the bride
groom, makes a congratulatory speech
to the bride. The reply is made for
her by her newly-made husband. Then
other speeches follow until the hour
approaches for the couple to depart on
their honeymoon tour. The latter, if
it be only two days at Margate or
Ilamsgate, they inva riably take.
Wedding presents are shown on
tables in the drawing-room during the
progress of the wedding breakfast.
Silver articles are always in the ascend
ant. Ihe groom s present to the bride
is oftenest jewels. He must also
present each bridemaid with something
in the way of jewelry. The young
couple on their return from the wed
ding tour must be at the church where
they were married for the first Sunday
at least It is a trying moment, as the
eyes of all the congregation are sure
to be turned on them as they take
their places in the pew. The bride
wears a sober litte wedding bonnet,
and bears an air of dignity about her,
which in the case of those of extreme
youth seems very quaint
Divorces .are regarded in England as
little short of public ignomy, no mat
ter on which side the divorce is
granted. Of course, as in all the rest
of the world, the man is forgiven more
readily than is the woman. Legal sep
aration is barely tolerated, but of the
two divorce is the better estate, since a
divorced woman may recover a portion
at least of her girhood's freedom of
going about, while on the other hand
she who is only legally separated is
compelled to be a sort of social recluse.
Her slightest action is criticised.
The English girl has almost no so
cial freedom. The wife baa much I
within certain limits, not as extensive
as are the continental limits, where a
woman is nevr free until she is
bound in the bonds of wedlock. En
glish women are very submissive to
the good man. But there is one field
in whieh she is the sole monarch
namely: the field of society. An En
glishman may not drag Tom, Dick or
Harry home to dinner unless his wife
be quite agreeable, and, in fact, gives
the invitation. He may take strangers
to his club, but not to his domestic
fireside unless "the missis'" shall so
wish. And when she does so wish,
business matters are topics never dis
cussed at dinner. In tact, to discuss a
man's business life is always a breach
of English etiquette. I know many
families quite intimately, and in a
large number of cases I am unaware of
the particular calling by which my host
gains his livelihood. To ask the ques
tion would subject the questioner to a
broad stare, and doubtless an evasive
reply, if not a pointed insult. London
Cor. Philadelphia Record.
TENDING THE BABIES.
Mr. Jenkins Get a Dose or a Medlcloa
WHicn la Needed by Many Hoabaads.
Jenkins is always arguing that the
cares ot women are trivial compared
to the trials that daily beset men while
in pursuit of their ordinary vocations.
He says that the women have "noth
ing to do but to look after the children,
and little things like that," anti it puts
him quite out of patience to have Mrs.
Jenkins intimate that the children are
a care to her.
"After a child is able to walk it looks
after itself, and is no more trouble,"
argues Jenkins
He was unexpectedly given a holiday
not long ago, and his wife said:
"Now, John, I think I'll take this
opportunity of doing my spring shop
ping, if you'll stay at home and take
care of the children while I am gone."
"Care!" sniffed Jenkins. "There
won't be any care about it. Til just
give them their plaj-things, and they'll
take care of themselves, while I read
this new article on the tariff I brought
home with me.'
Mrs. Jenkins departs. There are five
of the little Jenkinses, ranging in years
from two to nine. Jenkins gives them
a bushel of playthings and says: "Now
you're fixed for to-day."
Then he settles Jiimself in his easy
chair with a cigar and his article on
the tariff- A moment later he says:
" What you crying for, Jimmie?
Johnnie hit you? Well, he won't do it
again; Minnie, don't you upset anoth
er chair; and take that new magazine
away from baby." Then he begins
again
" 'The protective-tariff question is
one that' Johnnie, get off that sofa
with your feet! What is the baby
screaming so for? Give him what he
wants, Hattie. Ain't you big enough
to wipe your own nose, Johnnie?
Minnie, what are you doing to the
baby. Now keep still, all of you
The protective-tariff question is one
that must interest' What on earth
are you young ones doing? you're
enough to drive a man raving crazy!
Johnnie, you go and sit in that corner
until you can learn to kit Jimmie alone.
What is the matter with baby? Hattie
hit him? What did you do that for?
No, Jimmie, you can't have my knife.
1 don't know what possesses you chil
dren to-dav. Now don't let me speak
to you again."
" 'The protective tariff-; Do you
want to drive me trtVd? Who upset
that table? Who tore that new maga
zine? What set the baby's nose to
bleeding? Get a rag, .some of you.
Let my cigar alone, Jim! I'll trounce
the whole lot of you yet. Stop your
noise! You boys stop scuffling. Min
nie! give Hattie that doll if it is hers.
There, now, you've broken it. Who
broke that glass? There goes your
mother's work-basket. What's that
the bain- has torn up? My article on
the tariff, as I live! If your mother
don't come home in ten minutes she'll
find me a raving lunatic. I'd rather
hoe corn a week than tend babies five
minutes. Now, I'll just everlastingly
whip the first one of you that speaks
for three hours!" Tid-Bits.
THE SHAKER DANCE,
A Unique Combination of Dancing, Gest
uring and Palm-Waving.
The expression on the faces of the
men and women was not solemn, but
preoccupied, religious and absorbed.
It was evident that this dancing and
palm-gesturing is subordinate to a gen
eral system tf suiting the action to the
word, which is destined to emphasize
the poetry of sentiment by adding to it
the poetry of motion. Hence, when
the visiting elderess from Mt. Lebanon
told the congregation that her associate
elderess was detained and could not
come, but sent her love to them. Elder
Avery remarked: "Let us all gather in
our sister's love." Thereupon the en
tire congregation threw out their palms
and returned them with a waving mo
tion toward their hearts, each one
whispering: "We gather in our sister's
love" repeating the gesture several
times, but all in unison.
The combined dancing, bowing, gest
uring and palm-waving does succeed
in absorbing more of the attention of
those who participate in it, and is more
of a drill in social unity, than mere
singing. It adds to the unitizing
power of singing some of the good-fellowship
which is encouraged and cre
ated by military drill. American Mag
azine. A well-developed bump of mem
ory is very useful to any man, but it
isn't to be compared for value to a
wife who will find things for bin, .
Journal of Education. ,
AMONG THE DIGGERS.
Saateaas Take la ska Casaa af am Oa
aemre Tribe of Iadiaa
Few people know that the Diggers,
who lire in Pleasant Valley, and are
known as the Pamblos, have a musical
man among them. This Digger is
known as Bob. He is a really good
performer on the guitar, flute, fife, vio
lin, organ and harmonica. He has
played for several " pale - face "
dances, and handles a violin like a
master.
He is a pure-blooded Digger, and, so
far as he knows, none of his ancestors
were musically inclined.
The "tribe" also boasts of having a
ce ntenarian, an old squaw, whose hair
is white as snow, whose daughter is
seventy-five years old, and whose only
English ejaculation is " Gimme two
bits."
Captain Pamblos is a short, wiry old
fellow. He is about fifty years of age,
and is one of the most inveterate hunt
ers in the country. His unerring aim
has laid down many a jackass rabbitt,
and humbled to the dust many a proud
woodpecker. The reason is this:
Whenever they have a dance, or, as
they call it, "a bigsoup, they rig them
selves out as fantastically as possible.
Every buck who wishes to dance must
buy a ticket, paying for it in good solid
American silver.
As a ticket the scalp of the wood
pecker recommends itself. It is gaudy
and conspicuous. The tail feathers
of the yellow-hammer are also used
for the same purpose, two feathers be
ing fastened to a little stick which is
worn in the hair or carried in the
band. These "big-soups" are frequent.
A Digger will work hard for a week or
two when the acorns are ripe and lay
in a supply of them for winter. Then
he will notify some other tribe, and
all his relations back to the tenth gen
eration will come to see him and help
him devour the whole lot. Then they
invite the family of the host to their
"campooda," and so the visiting and
"big souping" goes on till all the rela
tions have visited each other and there
are no more acorns to devour.
The Digger is a child of nature, and
he cares little for the fashionable fol
lies of the world. Some of them are
noted for their wicked ways, and one
of the Pamblos, a hard ease known as
"Scar-Face Dick," or DickTomale, has
been a holy terror among his people
for many years. Several efforts have
been made to kill him by his tribe and
the Nevada City Indians, but all have
failed. He is the most intelligent Dig
ger of them all, and will discuss any
subject, not ignoring religious mat
ters. But his favorite topic is spiritu
alism. His arguments are often full
of dry, sarcastic humor. This dry
humor is a part of the average Digger's
disposition. Capt:iin Pamblos was
once passing a house where a young
lady was singing vigorously. He
paused and listened. Then turning to
a boy who was playing near, he said,
gravely: "Why for she cly?" Dick
Tomale once listened gravely to sev
eral young men and women who were
discussing ghosts. At last he inter
rupted them, and in his drawKng way
said: "Ya-ss, believe in ghosts, too. I
met a ghost one night. I wasn't ex
actly full, but I had some wine. It
was dark, and I saw a big, white ghost
get up out of the ground and stand in
front of me. I hauled off and hit it
with my fist, you bet."
"Well, said a listener, "what was
it?"
Dick looked around mysteriously,
picked up his rifle, spat at a fly on hit
sleeve, and as he movod off with a
light and cunning air. said in a loud
whisper: "It was a rock." Nevada
City Herald.
WOMEN RANCH OWNERS.
Bow an Army Officer' Widow Accumu
lated a Snur, Fortune.
It is interesting to know that among
the occupations which are opened to
women the hard life of ranching has
been one in which she has been par
ticularly successful. The very hard
ships are said to have a fascination fo.
one who has a bit of love of adventure in
her nature, and some women bred here
in the East have this generally sup
posed to be masculine trait strongly
developed. A good horsewoman with
cordage and endurance can find a v.ist
field for her out-of-door inclinations in
managing a cattle ranch, or even a
sheep ranch for that matter. If a
ranchwoman is successful it is for
the same reason that the ranch
man is successful because of en
ergy, the possession of capital, and
hard work against countless discour
agements and sacrifices. There is no
royal road to fortune either East or
West. I have in mind as an instance
of a successful cattle-raiser a lady who
had spent much of her freshness in the
gayeties of the representative social
center of the country. When she be
came the wife of an army officer she
learned the valuable lesson of adapting
herself to circumstances. In this way she
received an education which was to fit
her to become one of the most successful
ranch-owners of the Southwest, when,
on the death of her husband, she found
herself alone in the world with a mod
est capital. There is no suggestion is
the wholesome, robust, successful
ranchwoman of that delicate hot-house
flower which was the picture of hat
first youth. Boston Post
m
The title of the man the Americas
girl. Miss Carroll, recently married in
Vienna is the Count Anton von Heus
senstamm, ot Heissenstein and Grafen
hausen, Baron of Starhemberg, Cham
berlain and Lieutenant in tha Uhlan
Regiment of Archduke Carl Ludwig.
So. 7. Chicago Herald.
m m
There are at present nearly fort
Welshmen occupying London pulpits J
PROGRESSIVE FARMING.
Taa Cams aftaa IMwtlrtacU XxfeMa
Anear Faraaers Seas,
Young men abandon farming, mainly
because the old plans of conducting
farming operations are too closely ad
hered to, and yield inadequate net re
turns upon labor performed. There is
really no charm in farming, because no
ease, leisure or profit are afforded until
the land is in grass, or mainly so; and
grass husbandry is rarely met with;
that is, to the extent, and reduced to
that system, and productive of that
quality and quantity in the product
that insures an easy life to the owner,
and profitable returns, by reason of his
being able to carry a large stock upon
it. Young men in these days, having
educational and other advantages, not
known on the average farm twenty-five
years ago, desire some leisure for im
provement and recreation, and the
farm that is mainly devoted to grain
growing does not and can not give this
leisure- The continuous and exhaust
ive labor, with the usual meagre profit,
even if there is any profit at alL causes
many a young man to turn his back
upon the farm, and when this step is
taken, he seldom returns.
There are plenty of young .men who
have the industry and talent necessary
to succeed with live stock, breeding
the higher classes of improved stock,
or else the rearing of stock for feeding
as taste may dictate, who are annually
leaving the homestead, simply because
the taste and talent possessed is not
brought into action and developed. The
presence of good in a country, take any
State as an example, is notable, not
on account of its presence, but of its
absence. Take the country over, and
there are but few counties in every
State that furnish more than a very
limited number of exhibition animals
of either of the improved breeds. This
leaves the major proportion of the
young men on farms entirely de
prived of influence and opportu
nities that are calculated to make
them prefer farm life. Due credit
is not given to the fact that live stock
farming is entitled to rank among the
more attractive and entertaining pur
suits of men. Commercial avocations
are comparatively plodding and com
monplace. Those engaged in these
pursuits can have but little pleasure in
the business, outside of the mere feat
ure of money-making. This is the
prospect before the young man who
seeks the city in search of employment
more remunerative and more agree
able than the farm affords. To a
young man so constituted as to enable
him to see something of interest in the
growth and development of the higher
classes of farm animals, and who takes
an intetest in making improvements in
these, through selections for coupling,
there is a wide field for instruction and
entertainment, which in commercial
pursuits is lacking.
It is an error to suppose that a younir
man with moderate means can not
own and properly raise the better class
es of animals. A man does not re
quire to own a hundred head of cattle
or horses that he may be sure of pos
sessing a show herd. He can as well
possess a model animal, and one that
will in every way interest him, if he
is able to own but a few. The smith
at the village can make as good a horse
shoe as that turned out by a factory
of the larger class. It is not the num
ber of articles of a given kind that a
man makes, or causes to be made, that
tests his skill, for this is effectively
shown in a limited number possessing
symmetry and durability. The same
rule applies to breeding, and if a young,
man has a taste for the business and
possesses judgment and skill, he can
select and buy, and breed as perfect
animals as are in the collection of his
neighbor who owns a hundred head.
It will be found that much grass and
little grain growing will prove to the
sons upon the farm as well as those in
charge within doors, that farm life can
be stripped of its old-time severe bur
dens. The farm animals, when given
the opportunity, are self-tenders, and
the equal of the wild beast upon the
plain in helping themselves to food
placed within their reach. While the
owner rests or sleeps, assimilation and
growth goes on, but in commercial
pursuits this is not the case. In this
business there is quite often an in
crease in bad debts, and these help ma
terially to account for the very large
proportion of those who, sooner or
later, fail in business. It is not the
proportion of those who succeed in
gaining wealth in the cities, that en
tices young men into the vortex where
so many are swamped, but rather, as
mentioned, the laborious drudgery of
farm life as heretofore, and still too
much practiced. Modern views and
modern literature upon farming and
breedinsr. if heeded, will point out a
better war. Live-Stock Journal.
Pungent Brevities.
Net proceeds The fisherman's
profits.
A bowled strike One on a ten-pin
alley.
A wordy warfare "The Battle of
the Bocks."
A milk punch A prod administered
to a refractory-cow.
Salute of the conductor "How
fares it with you?"
Pupils at the natatorium are now
getting along swimmingly.
Soldiers are great sufferers from
cold. They have been known to sleep,
nnder cover, in a hot fire. Detroit
Free Press.
- s m
"Stuffed veal" was the legend on
a tag which a mischievous waiter ap
pended to the back of a dude as be
was leaving the table of a restaurant
where he had tried to play the role of
a gourmand. Boston Budge!,
PITH AND POINT.
Once in people's mouths, 'tis hard
to get out them. Glasgow Herald,
A woman will never put any
thing in ber pocket that she can hold
in her mouth. Judge.
Most farmers like to smoke, and
still they are not fond of the weed.
Burlington Free Press.
When a man is twenty-five he
knows something; when he is forty
five he wishes he knew something.
Boston Courier.
- Among the Zulus young people
fight and get married. Here they
get married and fight. Texas Sift
ing. "My motto is, 'Lire and let live "
said the soldier, as he turned his back
to the enemv and fled from the battle
field. " , M
A Hudson young man has been
arrested for 'pure laziness" and being:
a "drag" upon his father. Kingston
Freeman.
"Yes," said Fogg, "as a success I
have always been a failure; but as a
failure I have been an unqualified suc
cess," Accident Xevs.
The mouth is the window to the
intellect lYhitehall limes. The
trouble is, however, that too many men
are all window.
Scene: Grammar class. Dialogue
between teacher and Johnnie. Teach
er "What is the future of he drinks?'
Johnnie "He is drunk."
When we realize with what celerity
a goat can separate a man from his sur
roundings, it is difficult to understand
why but shoula be called a conjunc
tion. Tankers Gazette.
An advertiser offers for sale a
'lounge hair-picker." The public
would like to know whether it will also
pick hairs off the shoulders of a coat?
Burlington Free Press.
There are a good many marrie J
men in this world who know all about
what a model wife should be, but who
have very hazy ideas about the compo
nent elements of a model husband.
Mrs. Walspill "Even the dress she
went to court in last year is not yet
paid for. Madame Fichu herself told
me so only yesterday." Miss Mara
utay "Oh, my dear, that is Madamo
Fichu's well-known way of rominding
her customers of their little outstand
ing bills."" Fun.
Has Nature Struck?
An honest man is Nature's noblest work.
Once seen few hope again to see his like.
In fact their scarcity makes some folks say
That Nature must be out upon a strike.
Siflings.
A little Indian girl said to her
teacher: "We have not prayed for
the poor." Her teacher replied.
"Well, you pray for them.." The lit
tle girl then said, "O Lord, bless the
poor, and make them fat if you can!'
Harper's Bazar.
A Chicago man has spent $10,000
in fitting up his sitting-room; and
when his sons get old enough it is
probable that they will prefer to spend
half the night in the boys' club-room
containing a couple of seventy-five-cent
card-tables, half-a-dozen broken
back chairs, and a two-dollar-and-a
half store. Korristown Herald.
Mamma (coaxingly) "Come, Rob
by, take your medicine now, and then
jump into bed; that's a good little
boy." Bobby "I don't want to fake
any medicine, ma." Father (who
knows how to govern children)
"Robby, if you don't take your medi
cine at once, you will be put to bed
without taking it at alL" Chicago
Tribune.
A traveling theatrical company of
seven members can convert themselves
into seventeen different persons on
the programme. Which is no more
remarkable than the fact that the vil
lain, who is shot full of holes and diet
in terrible agony, appears five minutes
later as his own son- Drake's Travel'
ers' Magazine.
Among the Fashionables Mr.
Swell (who ha3 rented a fashionable
apartment house) "We needn't be
ashamed of this, my dear." Mrs
Swell "No, indeed; it is perfectly
lovely, and such a fashionable lo
cality!" Mr. Swell "That's the
beautj of it- -'And, now, my dear, if
you will send Perkins out for a loaf of
bread and a half pound of butter we
will have something to eat" X. O-Times-Democrat.
HE FLED IN HASTE.
How a Tactless Stranger Libeled a Xoat
IateresUag- Family.
"I came in here a few weeks ago,"
said a stranger to the proprietor of a
place on Michigan avenue, "to buy
some candy, and a cross-eyed woman
with a stuck-up nose"
That woman, sir, was my wife!
replied the proprietor as he moved
along the counter.
"Ah! Excuse me! But there was a
girl "here. She was a talL slab-sided
young woman with red hair, and had
freckles all over "
That was my daughter, sir, and
how dare you talk that way!"
"Oh! it was! Beg your pardon, sir
beg a dozen pardons. The boy that
waited on me had a mouth as big as s
pumpkin pie, and I don't believe he
knew enough to last him over
That was my son, sir! Have yon
come in here to deliberately insult my
family!" shouted the proprietor.
Your son, eh? Beg more pardons
lots of pardons. What I wanted to
You get out! You came here to
give me me a hit about an old man with
dyed whiskers who had married his
third wife and walked with a game
leg, and I won't stand itt Go right
out or Til do yon mortal injury insid
af a minuter' Detroit Frsc Press.
m.4 - -. u. -fj: -. - r- -
5atiaa332:
ai5W?H. -

xml | txt