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5E THOMAS COOTTY OAT. JOSEPH A. CILL, Editor. COLBY, KANSAS. WHY SHE REFUSED. He met her at the party gay A neighbor gave across the way, And deemed her such a charming ell He loved her better than himself. So, like a brave young cavilier, lie thought all obstacles to clear. He spent his cash for livery team, For candy, nuts and dear ice-cream; "When cash is scarce he runs up bills For whatsoe'r the dear one wills. There's nothing liUe to love's young dream. The present does so pleasant seem. Through all the world it is the same; And so, one night, the question came: ' Say, darling, will you be my wifei I'll guard you from the storms of lire; Pray, answer me, I do entreat! See, dear, I'm Kneeling at your feet." 44 Oh, please get up," at last she said. 44 Indeed, I ne'er intend to wed. I never thought that you meant all You said, ugn oft you" came to call; I hope you may be happy yet; So, pray forgot we ever met!" 41 First, g ve a reason then," he said, ' Whj you have vowed to never wed." 4' Ah, would you know and be my friend, I'll tell the story to the end. I had a sister without foes; You could not count her many beaux; Her pockets were with candy filled; She ice-cream had when e'er she willed "With sleigli, and car, ami buggy rides, To sandwich in between, besides; "Until, one fatal day, for life She pledged to be a petted wife. Then came the talked-of joys of home; He said, lie c.ired no more to roam. No ice-cream since then has she tasted; And, as for her, the snow was wasted; She ne'er a single sleigh-ride got 1 know a married woman's lot. Although she sajshcr husband's kind, He falls below my standard, mind; And so, to me, it best doth seem, To single stay, and eat ice-cream." And then, so dieamily she smiled, A if by happy thoughts beguiled, "While as behind him closed the door, He vowd to ne'er trust woman more. Mrs. V. M. Hch'innon, m Chicago Journal. CHANGING SANDS. A Strango Story of Adventure .i the Gold Begions. Original.! N the fall of lSoO a party of California . prospectors li a d worked their way u p among the northern "foot hills." There were "Pert" Standish, a joar before a Bos ton banker's clerk and society man; Bat Ireland, Joe French, Greaser Bent, my brother Harry and myself. Our provisions were running low. Bent had boasted of his knowledge of the country, and, as he stoutly asserted his ability to re turn in a few days with supplies, was allowed to take one of our two mules and go on the search. We who stayed agreed to leave signals for his guidance if we moved on. Six days passed, but Bent had not appeared. A hungrier set seldom comes to any table than came to that rough split section of a redwood branch, renting on tin peeled crotched sticks driven into the ground. Standish, who was cook that day, nourished over his head a well-pol'shed bone that had once be longed to a fat porker. 'Look at that, boys," said he. "We're fiat broke on ham; the last flour bag looks lean, the saleratus can grins at you every time you open it, and the pork and beans have almost vanished."' "Ef Pat vould make do bread dere votild be saleratus in do poches," said French Joe. "Sure an' whin Joe '11 be afthcr cookin' tho banes we'll slhrikc it rich an' pibbles," said Pat, looking fiercely at Joe. "How far to the nearest ranch?" I nsked. "Bent says it vas no more than ten mile, as der crow fly," Joe answered. "Bern' as tharc's nivcr a crow amonst us, an' nivcr a mother's son ave us tuk to the fly iu' business, there's no tillin' thcr length ave ther same tin mile." said Pat. "That's the wisest speech you ever made," said Harry. 4 'They may be a good deal longer miles for us than for Bent," said I, "for we'll have to make our own trail." "I believe Bent's gone back on us," said Standish. "If he has, what next? It's getting late in the season. What's rain down below may be snow up here. I wouldn't risk being snowed up here, if I had all Quincy market to fall back on. If we don't care to leave our bones here, we must roll up our blankets and vamos." "Let's give Bent one more day," said Harry, "If he don't come by this time to-morrow, then I'll say vamos." "I'm wid ye," put in Pat. As there were no dissenting voices the question was considered settled. IVhilc this conversation had been go ing on, Avowerc all drinking coffee from tin cups, and with blunted knives, usually carried in our belts, eating fried ham and saleratus bread, that Standish had mixed in the pan he had used many a time before for wash ing gold. Evening came but no Bent In the morning our preparations for depart ure were quickly made. "How about the trail?" Harry asked. "Here's my compass," Standish answered, drawing a pocket compass from the folds of his grimy, faded blouse. "And Browser's as good as an Indian any day." So we started; each one of us, if we had been seen in the streets of any city Imt San Francisco, would have been taken for a walking exhibition of pov erty;4 Our broad brimmed hats were rusty and weather-beaten; our once red shirts were many colored; the PaTf leather belts, that held our mud-bespattered troAvsers, were mud-be-spat-tered too; our thick shoes orlong boots bore samples from various diggings Yet eacli man carried his bag of gold swung on his rifle, over his shoulder, with his washing pan and his blanket On Browser's back wc-e spades, pick axes, sharp crow-bars, hatchets and what provisions remained. Standish had a general knowledge of the country, acquired from books, when he was considering whether to give up his surcsalary for the chances of a fortune, to be made by a lucky spade's turn or pick's blow. He knew that the beach on the Pacilic coast Avas wide, in long stretches, and that, once reached, we were almost sure of an unobstructed way to some ranch or In dian village, where we could lind food of some kind. He hoped to bring up at Trinidad; but he underrated the difficulties of the tramp. The im mense redwood trees, that towered against the western sky, could not have so thriven away from damp salt air, but the;- were farther off than they appeared, and between them were firs, spruce and pines, also a close undergrowth of magnificent ferns, standing five or six feet higher than a tall man's head; of vines, long berry bushes and wild fruits; in short, a dense tangle of vegetation. Once in this jungle, we could make our AvaA' only with knives and hatchets. We cut our road, step by step, each lead ing by turns, Browser bringing up the rear. Night came upon us. "We were not t equal to the labor of clearing a place ior a nre. so i orougiit from lirow ser's pack some of the bread I had 5- slices of pork, laid THE STAItT. it on tlle bre.ul, filled their tin cups from the clear brook that Browser's sagacity had dis covered, and, Standish not excepted, ate as sweet a meal as he 'had ever en joA'cd. Then, regardless of all pre cautions, each wrapped himself in his blanket and was soon fast asleep. We worked on for three days, much of the time over country which would have been hard enough had it been cleared of uinlergrowth; but, thanks to Brow ser, wo seldom suffered from thirst. Wo all learned to understand his mute notice that, in this direction or that, a cool, bright stream was flowing. Wc were all, at last, reduced to join ing with him in his repasts on the abundant herbage. Early on the fourth morning we caught the sound of waves breaking on the coast. In r.nothcr hour we came out on the sandy beach. Our boots and clothing were torn, our faces and hands scratched and bleeding, and every muscle quivered with fatigue and hunger. Which way should wc turn to find the ranch, the food we so sorely needed? Standish looked at his compass; but in the struggle through the jungle and in going for water we had veered from our course. Man, superior, reasoning man, was at a loss; not so the unreasoning brute. Brow ser lifted his noc. snuffed the air and deliberately, steadily walked oil, in what the compass showed to be the southerly direction. Foot sore, Ave slowly limped after him, over tho broad black sand beach, almost ready to throw doAvn our light ened loads, lightened because Ave had laid upon much enduring Browser all but rifles and bags of gold. Speech lessly avc Avcre laboring on, Avhen a sudden exclamation from Harry made us look ahead. "What's that?" he cried. "The col or as I'm a living man!" A rod before us the black sand changed to yelloAv; yellow that glis tened in the sun light. We rushed for Avard, almost forgetting our Avcariness and hungering faintness. We had all seen natural gold, scores of times be fore, but Ave could hardly believe this Avas gold, spread out like an immense sheet at our feet. Whether Ave be lieved it or not it Avas so. Tho action x- GOLD ENOUGH TO BUY PALACES. of the Avater had pulverized the mag netic iron rocks into beach sand. In the rock, gold and platinum had been mixed. Thj sand that is washed out to sea deposits the heavy metaL An unusually high wind and surf had ";csl plowed up these deposits, separated them and ririA-en them in on shore, in time to meet the astonished gaze of our starving part-. Were eA-er men so placed before? There '.vas gold! Gold enough to buy palaces, broad acres, luxuries in food and clothing, pleasures, beyond all our Av:Idet dreams had ever ap proached! We stood upon it trampled it, handled it, tasted it, smelled it! Yes, it av:is gold! All avc had to do Avas to stoop and take it! There Avas no one to struggle with us for it! No one to snatch it from us, after Ave had grasped it! It Avas gold! Wealth, the idol be fore Avhich the Avorld falls prostrate in abject Avor&hsp! For Avhich man often sacrifices all, that reason tells him, is most dear, and having gained it, Avhile he clutches it. confesses that happiness has melted away before it! How it mocked us! a gaunt, travel soiled, ragged crew! Lying all around us, in silent command, it called upon us to take the reward for Avhich avc had left home, friends, the comforts of ciA'ilization! How it mocked ;;s! Our tottering limbs avouUI not support us: our trembling hands avouUI not obey our greedy wills and gather the riches spread before us! The excitement of this sudden ap pearance had roused us, only to react in greater exhaustion and Ave were driven to the acknoAvledgment that food must come first, gold afterwards. "We gathered a feAV handfuls, and ploded on, planning how to come back and secure the treasure before others should find it. This Ave Avere confi dent avc could do, as that pare of the beach Avas seldom visited by boats, on iccount of the difficulty of approach, and there was little to attract travel ers on tho lamhvard side. It Avas near night Avhen the cabin of the ranch came in sight. The oAvner, a avcII fed man, stood in the doorway and took a leisurely survey. "1 "Ioav you air a snug lot," ho said: "your critter, I reckon, come in, n 1 'loAA'cd there be some caA'cd in strangers follerin'." The ranchman's bluntncss Avas for gotten when he led us into, the one room of the cabin and bade us "sit doAvn and fall to." Our supper of smoking beef-steak, eggs, hot biscuit and coffee dispatched, we Avrapped ourselves in our blankets, and, Avith the sky for a roof, slept soundly. In tho morning, having gratefully refused the invitation to "stay by 'till 3-er kinder coopered up," after a breakfast as substantial as the supper, avc started for San Francisco. We used our gold dust freely, for our one thought Avas to keep our secret till Ave could hurry back and secure the prize. Lest Ave might attract the no tice of gold hunters, as eager as our selves, Ave agreed to separate into two parties, and deposit our dust in tAvo banks. Pat, Avho stood quite in awe of Standish' s business education and quickness at figures, declared that he Avould "hoAvld on till what Misthcr Sthandish agraed." Joe's imperfect knoAvledgeof the lan guage induced him to trust Standish al so. We appointed a place of rendez vous, aud Standish Avcnt A-ith Hany to prospect for a Miiall A'essel to take us oacic 10 me gom ueacii. 1 iook it upon myself to keep an eye on Pat and Joe, for I feared that in that Babel, S.in Francisco, th;y might meet com patriots, be thrown oft' their guard aud become confidential. Standish found that strangers in the city could not, immediately command the facilitcs avc needed, aud Avith Har ry's consent, decided to ask the advice of a business acquaintance of his book keeping days. As the assayer had pro nounced our specimens half pure gold, Standish's friend promptly proposed the formation of a company and prom ised to push its interests. Papers Ave re dniAvn up, aud the next morning our party of five young men, eomfortably clothcd. almost forgetting our recent privations and exulting in the prospect of laying hands on Avealth that aAvaited us, Avcnt aboard a cutter, Avell found iu all Ave should need. The captain's sealed orders directed him to put us ashore wherever Stan dish should say. We beat up the coast and lay to off the gold beach. Heavy breakers and savage rocks. AA'ater Avorn into every imaginable shape, forbade our running in close. A boat Avas Ioav cred and the captain called for A-olun-teers, from his crew. Three bravo seamen stepped forward." "My orders are to land my passengers,' said the captain. "That sea's no mill pond. The boat Avon't carry more'n three landsmen. Who's for the first trip?" We hastily dreAv lots. Standish and I Avere left out. I begged Harry to let me go in his place, but he pressed my hand and scrambled over the side. 2 Standish and I stood on cither side of nhe captain, as he Avatched the boat Avun tue nelp ot ins glass, anil reported to us. After several attempts to land had been made, as only good boatmen could make them, the boat, we sup posed, struck one of the trcachcious current", became unmanageable, and capsized. Had all the gold in the Avorld been before me, it A-ould have seemed as " nothing Avhen mv onlv j brother Avas struggling in that boiling surf, that Avould in all probability be his grave. Hoav could I Avrite the tid ings home? Standish and I held a short consultation Avith the captain. "Can't send in another boat," said he; "I'm shortrhanded enough now. Trinidad's the nighest landing any salt Avater sailor'd try to make." He handed his glass to me and beun to give orders. I looked, in the forlorn hope that I might distinguish some thing of boat, crew or passengers, but had either been visible at all, it must have been to a more practiced eye than mine. I raised the glass to com- mand the top of a high bluff a little north of Avhere the boatmen had tried to land. There, clearly outlined against the sky, Avas a moving figure. "Captain! what's that?" I cried. "Isn't it possible some of those poor felloAs have got out alive?" 44 Couldn't have climbed that bluff," lie ansAA'ered, taking the glass and SAveeping tho shore "aloAvand aloft.'" After a moment the g!as3 came to a rest, then sIoavIv loAvered as if 'some object Avas being kept iu focus. Hived years in seconds then. "Must be a redskin," the captain muttered. "Can't drown a redskin; one 'v their eggshells ll live in break ers that'd staA'e the staunchest boat that's ever built. Thought I'd made it right," and he again handed his glass to me. I could clearly discern an object, ris ing and falling on the Avater, and though taking an irregular course, gradually Hearing the cutter. Nearer fciill it came, and Ave thought avc could see something that looked like a man, half lying, half sitting, in the canoe that Avas paddled by one Indian. 44 Canoe ahoy!" shouted the cap tain. "What's aboard?" The Indian made no answer, but paddled slowly on. "Stand by for a rope," the captain shouted. A rope, shot out oA-er our heads, was dexterously caught by the Indian, and the canoe avus drawn through the com paratively smooth Avnter. One of tho sailors lowered a boat-hook till it al most touched the bottom of the little craft With the help of the hook and of strong hands my brother Harry half climbed, Avas half lifted, on to the cut ter's deck. Of the six men Avho A-cnt in the boat, he Avas the only one aved, and he had been drawn out of tho surf, Avhen he Avas past helping himself, by the friendly Indian. Taking the Indian on board and his canoe in tow, avc sailed for Trinidad. In the morning, Standish and I, Avith the Indian, started for the gold beach, carrying tools for gathering acid bags for holding the gold. We reached the beach. It Avas the place avc had &een a few days before glittering Avith tho precious metal. We could not be mis taken; exhausted as Ave Avere, avc had carefully taken our bearings. But there Avas nothing there but sand! Black sand! "What fools aa'o have been," said Standish. "The very same force that brought the gold in has carried it out again, and left only the sand, such as aa'c might Avalk on for miles." Our feet made heaA-y by disappoint ment, Ave dragged ourselves back to tho cutter. Standish gaA-e the Avord. and avc Avere soon headed for San Fran cisco. I shall never forget the evening avI-en Standish, Harry and I sat on deck in the stern of the cutter, and talked o'er our adventures since avc started on the gold hunt. "Hob," said Harry, at last, "I'm off for home! You will do as you please, of course, but I tell you, Avhen a felloAV has looked death in the face, life is a ( new thing for him. It seems as if my ' life had been taken from me nudgiA'en I back. It's a mean use to make of life ' to spend it getting money for money's t sake only!" "I'm not going to giA'e up so," said Standish. "There's gold in these sands. oui in inesc sands, There mut be ' ne of it. and" who I that's plain enough some Avay to get some knows but I may be lucky enough to see it Avashed up again?" As Harry and 1 Avere determined to take the next steamer for the isthmus, Ave turned over our interest in the company to Standish. The beaches have since been Avorked Avith fyir suc cess. But I believe no such ;ight has eA'er again appeared to any part- of miners as that glittering beach Afhoso golden sands our destitution forbnde out gathering; those "treasures" no eA'en "hiddun in the sands" but which our Avaitfs compelled us to Icha-c to be borne out into the ocean Avaste. Susan- D. Nickeksox. Mr. Moneybags (aviio has reccntlv acquired a fortune) "It's a shame and a disgrace the Avay every body con spires to rob a richman." Friend "What's the matter noAV?" Moneybag "Well, you see I had a little party at my mansion last night, and to amuse my guests I ordered some mu sicone quartette; and darn my but tons if four singers didn't crowd into the room and sing, and I had to pay all four of them, and mind you, I only ordered one solitarv quartette. That's the Avay I'm SAvindled every day of my life, aud I am tired of it." X. Y. Ledger. Tho meanest man in Boston has been reported. He calls himself a practical joker, and it is said that, haA' ing noticed that on a certain day of the Avcek a pudding Avas placed on the ledge of a AA'indow to cool, he bought a bean bloAVcr and a box of mandrake pills, and Avhen the pudding next ap peared he bleAv it full of pills. It is also said that puddings are no longer exposed on that back AA'indow. m m A Scranton, Pa., man has a cat which purrs approvingly whenever he plays the piano, or organ, or guitar. Bnt she draws the line at the violin. When her master passes the bow ovei the entrails of one of her departed friends she grows savage, as he thinks, at the indignity offered her species in the construction of that instru ment ' A little bag of mustard laid on thr op of the pickle jar will prevent the vinegar from becoming moldy, if the pickles have been put up in Tin eg w that has not been boiled, USES FOR BIRCH BARK. Some or the Really Ciiarralnrr hlnjp ThAt Ladle Can 3Iake from It There are so many pretty things can be made from birch bark that it is strange it is not more popular for dec oration. The gray birch bark is some times used, bnt it is not as nice in any Avay as tho Avhitc. Most people who have spent any time in the country knoAv Iioav to remove the bark from the tree, but for those Avho do not know it is a very easy thing to do if the directions are followed. Select a half-groAvn tree, as from too young a tree the bark does not peel as easily, and the layers arc hard to divide, and too old a tree is usually so knotty that it is almost impossible to set a smooth piece of any size, for the bark will tear in being removed from the tree Avhere there arc knots. After selecting your tree, with a sharp pen-knife make a perpendicular slit, any length j'ou wish, taking care there are no knots in the piece you Avish to remove, loosen ing one side at top and bottom, and if a large piece it is avcII to loosen a little along the entire length, as very largo pieces are liable to p'it in the center if not loosened. Take a firm hold of top and bottom, and Avith very little exertion on your part the piece can be remoA-ed, leaving a broad, bare circle around the trunk or limb of - the tree. The Avork of dividing the layers should be done as soon after removal from the tree as coiiA'onient, as the longer it is let remain Avithout being separated the harder it Avill be to accomplish, and the layers Avail not be as smooth and nice as if separated earlier. These layers are of very pretty shades, being pure Avhite, cream-yellow, and some deli cate shades of pink, and make very nice ornamental and useful articles cf decoration. Many people Avhile aAvay for the sea son are fond of using smooth sheets of bark for note paper, sending them to their friends as souvenirs of their sum mer in the country. Envelopes are al so made of it, using paper ones for patterns, and are very unique. A pretty Avhisk-broom holder is made bj' cutting out of card-board tAvo pieces the shape of the broom, cover Avith smooth pieces of bark, and on one side in each corner paste a group oi tiny ferns and in the center a bunch of pressed autumn leaves and ferns, scav or glue together, and bind Avith some bright shade of ribbon. At each upper corner place a boAVof the ribbon. Scav a small brass ring to the center ol the back piece next the Avail, and sus pend the holder by a loop of ribbon, Avith pretty bow drooping over tho nail from which it hangs. Line Avith any ma terial you like. A spool box is made by cutting a circle of card-board about the size of the bottom of a collar box, glue around this a perpendicular rim about two inches deep, coA'cr Avith bark, around the loAver part of rim, Avhere it joins the bottom, tic a band of narrow ribbon; line with pretty silk and scav around the top a niching of ribbon. Ornament Avith ferns or autumn leaves. Birch bark pictures are A-ery pretty for homo decoration. Take a nice smooth sheet of bark any size desired, and fasten firmly Avith mucilage to a piece of thin cardboard; decorate Avith tho brush or arrange pressed autumn leaves and ferns upon it in any Avay desired. Pretty frames for pictures of this kind arc made bA' cutting from :; , , - -""" t,nn' lmP,a,,et- boards pieces d03"1' :;nd uo toScthcr. the size At each corner, or, it the iranios are large, at equal distances apart, arrange groups of tiny acorns in their cups and glue (firmly to the frames, and gild tho Avliole. The unplaned Avood Avhen lilded giA'es the appearance of rough gilt. Cornucopias are nice made of bark bound Avith ribbon decorated Avith autumn leaA'es and ferns and filled Avith dried grasses. Place at the points pretty bows of ribbon, to the ends of Avhich attach tiny gilded acorns in their cups. Another pictty receptacle for dried grasses is a round box any depth aud width desired. coA'cred with bark, ornamented in front a little aboA-c half Aay Avith a bunch of pine or hemlock burrs glued on firmly, var ished or bronzed, or both. At the bot tom of the bunch is fastened a broad satin ribbon. The Avidth of the ribbon depends upon the size of the box. A pretty ornament for the front of this box instead of the burrs is a small bunch of dried grasses tied Avith a bow of ribbon. The burrs at the ends of the ribbon may be fastened by small brass-headed tacks. These are only a feAV of the things for which birch bark can be used, and as it serves the purpose of perforated carboard, the making of one article Avill suggest the making of another. Boston Budget. Once AA'hen Ignatius Donnelly was delivering a political speech in Minne sota some one hurled a head of cab bage at him. He paused a second and said: "'Gentlemen, I only asked for your ears; I don't care for your heads!" He Avas not bothered any more during the remainder of his speech. Delicate Pie. Whites two eggs, four tablespoons cream, one largo spoonful flour, one cup white sugar, one cup cold Avater: flavor Avith lemon. Line a pie plate Avith pastry, pour in the mixture and bake at once. Ex change. At the Zoo. Aunt Sybil (well versed in zoology) "Delas' animal we seen, Lillie. was de sacred cow. mow, dis is de hippomapotamus cow an', my sakes alive, ain't she plain!" Puck. He met her in the hotel hallway. It is not strange that for a moment she did not know which way to turn when ho said: "Now if jrou'U co-imcide we'll go outaide." PERSONAL AND LITERARY. Miss Gabriclle Greeley, the only surviving child of the late Horace Greeley, lives on her father's Chappa--qua farm Avith tAvo lady friends. The new volume of the "Story of: the Nations" series will be "Hungary, " by Prof. Vambery. It is the first his tory of that country Avritten in English. . Bar Harbor boasts of a $75,000 washerwoman. Her house, Avhich she OAvns, is Avorth that much; but she re fuses to sell it, and continues to- senib aud starch as of yore. The toAvn of Augusti. Me.. Avftli a population of only 8.000 souls, is the headquarters of 19 monthly maga zines, Avhich have a comlined circula tion of 1,100,000 coiics. Three of these have a circulation of -150,000. i of 800,000. and 12 of 3."0,000. Six of them are devoted to agriculture ami the remainder are literary. Dr. Ernest T. Hofmann. of New York, has a dog that is almost the equal of a human servant. Her name is Victoria, but 4,Yic'' is Avhat she thinks it is. She gets her master's hat,. gloA'es, Avhip, her oavh muzzle, or Avhat eA-er else he calls for. and Avhen she is out shooting Avith the doctor he talks, to her exactly as ho Avould to a man,, and she understands and obeys him. perfectly. --The faA'orito authors in an Engli-sls young. men's institute arc Riukin. and Kingsley. Buskin does not like the association and Avrites of the author of "Ilvpatia": "There A-a much in Kingsley that Avas delightful to raw thinkers and men generally remain i'iiav in this climate. Ho Avas ailaAved, partly rotten, partly distorted person, but may be read Avith advant age by numbers avIio could not under stand a Avoid of me." One of General Grant's l:et an SAvers to any question Avas his reply tc William M. Evarts, Avho, in speaking about Mr. Beecher, asked: "Why is it, General, that a little fault in a clergy man attracts more notice than a gieat fault in an ordinary man?' "Per haps," said the General, thoughtfully. ,4it is for the same reason that a slight shadoAv passing -over the pure snow is more readily seen than a ri'er of dirt on tho black earth." Miss Sophia Tricoupis, sister of thc Prime Minister of Greece, is one of the leaders of Athenian society. She is :. slender, fragile-looking old lady, Avho liA'es surrounded Avith UoAvers. Her brother's friend", knowing her fond ness for them, send her dozens of bou quets CA-ery day. She never "goes any Avhere," but receiA'es from tern o'clock in the morning until midnight.. In Athens she is a power. As a cor respondent she is indefatigable, Avrit ing dozens of letters in as many differ ent languages everv daA HUMOROUS. Son (.aIio Ioa'cs traA-el) "O. for ai trip 'round thcAvord!" Father (who. Ioa'cs lucre) "Owe for nothing, my boy." The average Texas chews h's Aveight in tobact-o every four years, and1 i is need ess to add that most of it is borroAvcd. Detroit Free Press. Smith "I hear Mr-. B. has re fill ned from the country." BroAvn " Yes, 4 the melancholy days are come, the saddest of the year.' " Bos ton Budget. "Do y u tumble!" aked Amy. aft er exp aining something to the High School girl. "No, my dca ." replied Mildred, severely, "I do not tumble,, but I precipi ate myself in that direc tion." Pitlsbiirah Chronicle. They Avereo-it sailing when a squalL came up, and she exclaimed: "O, it's all o'er Avith us." "1 hope no, darling," he said, and then as the calm came oit he con iiried, "but it surely is all oar Avith us no v." A young man in college Avrote as follows to iiis father: "My dear father,. 1 Ima'c only time being greatly rushed Avith my studies to send my love and tell you that I Avish you Avouhl send me fifty dollars." The father repliedr "My dear sou I haA-o only time being greatly rushed Avith my hay to send loA-e and tell you that I have not sent you fifty dollars." Arhansuw Trav eler. "KittA-ran into Mary Ann, and? lost a sheet, besides smashing things' generally. Mary Ann's neAV sunt avus. ripped in a dozen places, and Kitty lay helpless in the roadAvay. It Avas alK due to bad management on the part of Kitty's master." The above sounds as shocking as a police court item, but it is in reality only a report of a collision during a yacht race, Avritten in the En glish style, Avith the v-ord "the" omit ted from each vessel' & name. Harper's Bazar. Things Mutantur. In boyhood's bright and sunny days, When all my paths were pleasant vavs How blessed the day, with wealth sablimci When father gave me a great big dims But now, with wants that yearly grow, "When in my pockets depths I go How pinched and beggared is the time When I can only And a dime. Burdelle. "What sort of a watch is this?" asked a gentleman, picking up a curi ous old time-piece in the shop of a deal er 01 cunosities. "That." replied thes dealer, "is a real curiositv. It is a. watch that belonged to Alexander the Great when he died on the barren Island of St. Helena." "The deuce it is! Why, man alive, in the days ot Alexander the Great there Avas no such things as watches!" "That's just what makes it such a rarity." 44And Alex ander the Great didn't die at St Helena." "He djdn't, eh? W-U, tla makes it a still greater curiosity!" Aiut taking up the rare relic, the dealer locked it up in hie burglar-proof safe. N. 1. Ltdgmr. K X) ( 5 .i,,j A .v4 v-g--J cj?T.