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MR. LIMKINS’ TOAST
(From the Wausau. W is., Phlloboph ‘p. Re printed by Special Permission.) said Mrs. Limkins ns she gave her chair a hitch to bring herself face to face with Mr. Limkins, “I have something to say to you. I’ut down that paper; 1 want your whole at tention.” Air. Limkins reversed the cross of his legs, and shifting his paper slightly so us to cover his face, continued to read. “I want you to wake up a little,” con tinued Mrs. Limkins. “You are the most stupid man in tills town. You come home from the office at night, eat your supper, smoke, read your paper and go to bed; eat your breakfast in the morning and go to tlu*offloe. You come home again at night, eat your supper, smoke, read, your paper, go to bed; and so it goes day after day. 1 don’t get a dozen words out of you, day In and day out. and you do not even want to listen to me, when 1 talk. If ] want to go out anywhere in the even ing, I have to go alone. Y'ou have al ways some excuse for staying at home. If I invite my friends here, you have usually- some business tlint takes you out. My friends never see you with roe, and hardly - know I have a husband. “This tort of life may suit you, but it does not suit me. Y’ou have your business and other things to interest you during the day, I suppose, while I am shut up here in the nouse; and when you come home in the evening I want something else in-sides supper, 'smoke and Tribune. Now I inti ml to make a change.” Here Mrs. Limkins deftly took the paper from Mr. Lim kins, and rolling- it up in her hands, proceeded to use it to point off her re marks. ' Mr Limkins yawned submissively, dumped the ashes from his cigar into tlie silver card tray, and settled himself a.s comfortably as possible to wait for the end. Mr. Limkins had heard these remarks many times before; he knew the story from beginning to end, and also knew it was useless to try to es cape any part or defend himself in any way. Experience had taught him that it was best to sit quietly and take it— remaining silent to the cud. “Silas," continued Mrsi Limkins shaking the crumpled t ribune at bin viciously. “I have made up my mind not to stand this sort of thing any long it; all my friends take their husband* around with them and 1 have decided to bring y ou out.” Air. Limkins said: “Oh.” and grew nervous. Mrs. Limkins was evidently more determined than usual, and hi began to fear that she had some sort of a scheme up her sleeve that would disturb his comfort, "The Daughters of the Revolution and their husbands aiv going to him a banquet next week." said Mrs. Din kins. “There j%ill be st veral toasts I have arranged to have you respond to the toast ‘Our Sons.’ ’’ “Great Scott," exclaimed Mr. Lim kins, waking up anil staring helplessly at her. “1 will write out y-our speech," said Airs. Limkins, paying no attention to his interruption; “all you will have to do will be to commit it to memory and repeat it at the banquet.’’ “No, by thunder,” said Mr. Limkins, with considerable heat. "If I make r: speech to your Daughters of the Revo lution It will not he any woman's main - up, I can toll you. To begin with, 1 haven’t time to monkey with any such nonsense; but if J did 1 would make my own speech—and 1 wouldn't have to write it out first, either. I)o you think 1 can’t make a speech? Why. 1 could make a speech that would knock out anything any of your Revolution Daughters’ husbands could do—just oil-hand-—Jim Perkins, Lem Stuhblus or any of the rest of them. Mebhy, you think because there are n lot of stuck up lawyers anil professors in your set. that I ean't trot In their class. Home clay I’ll fool you, Mrs. I.lmkin. .’’ And putting on his hat, Mr. Limkins blis tered out of the house leaving Mrs. Limkins in doubt us to whether he would, or would not, carry out her plans. Tills was just the sort of Impression Mr. Limkins wanted to make on Mrs. Limkins, for from the very first men tion of it, lie was rather taken with the idea of making that speech but did not want to appear too willing. Air. Limkins belonged to a class of men who go through life with an idea (hat they are born for better tilings. Ever lastingly thinking that they could have shone in some other fellow’s place if they had had the Men tally sure that they have a natural tal ent for some calling of which they know absolutely nothing. Air. Limkins welcomed this oppor tunity ns something he had always longed for; but he wanted Mrs. Lim kins to think he was doing It under protest. As Air. Limkins strode along in the moonlight, he felt particularly satis fied with himself and lie made up Ids mind that his speech should be a mas terpiece. He would make Stnbbins and Perkins turn green wl’ 1 1 nvy. With that speech he would make a lasting reputation. Mrs. Limkins should know nothing about it in advance; be would make it a complete surprise to her. And then how proud she would be of him; and how much it would add to his advantage with her. He decided to tell Mrs. Limkins in the morning that he would make a speech just to please her, and ns though it were a matter of no conse quence to him. He would (lien spend the rest of his time before the banquet In arranging that speech, and fire it off ns an entirely “extemporaneous" af fair. The very thought of the glory awaiting him as the result had an ex hilarating effect, and Air. Llmldns rained his chin in the air, clenched his fingers, and pranced along like a •three-year-old." The next morning as Mr. Limkins was leaving the house for his office, he said to his wife as he patted her on the head in a fatherly way: "Now, little j woman, if it will please you I will make a few remarks at your banquet.” “That’s a dear, good) boy,” said Mrs. Limkins, “and you will let me write out something for you, won 1 you 2 “No, little woman,” he replied, “I can’t come down to that, you know; but you shall not be ashamed of me.” And Mr. Limkins went off, leaving Mrs, Limkins. with some misgivings as to the final outcome of her plans. I-or when a woman Ims been tlie constant com panion of a man for 11 years, she is very apt to have a fair idea u fids men tal capacity. During ike next few days Mr. Lim- I kins devi led the greater part of liis time to the preparation of his "extem poraneous” speech. D was u matter of so much importance to him that- he even neglected his business to a eon | side ruble extent; and when the morn ! ing of the day of the banquet an ived, j Mr. Limkins had written out and ei m j mitted to memory a speech that he j considered very high-class. How ever, j be felt that he needed a little practice j in deliv) ry and determined to let his j clerks go home enrly in the afternoon, j in on’.i r to have the office all to bin.self ) for rehearsal. Hy three oel-.r the j ]ast clerk had gone, and Mr. 1 iinkins, ; after locking all the doors, began his : recitation. However, he did not find I ibis sort of practice at all satisfactory ; at first. The dead, bare walls of his of fice did not give back any encourage ment, and lie tried) again and again some particular sentences, with the same unfavorable results. He tell that he could do better if he hail some living thing to speak to- even if only a dog or a cat. He needed a living pair of cy < -, that he could fix with his eyes, in order to concentrate his attention and prop crly reach his climax. Now . in t lie shuffle of the closing out ot the world’s fair, among other odds anil ends that had been sold nt auction, Mr. Limkins bail come into possession of a small white donkey tlint had been i used in the Streets of Cairo. Mr. Lim kins made this purchase for Silas. .Jr., and Silas, Jr., hoy-like, had, for the first few weeks of his possession, enjoyed the donkey to the fullest extent; but Hie novelty had worn off. The donkey was now an old story, and was allowed to fall into a state of innocuous desue tude— so far as Silas, Jr., was con cerned. Silas, Jr., who had tired of riding and driving the donkey, now seldom thought of him, and when he did think of bi n it was usually flaring one of those tits of ennui which boys will have —and on these occasion*, Silas Jr., had for some time past been in thi habit of going into the barn, accom panied by n long sharp pointed stick with which he would prod the donkey into giving a first-class exhibition ii high kicking. This sort of thing hue been" going on long enough to giVe the donkey considerable practice and hi had already attained a very high ret old for so small a donkey, Silas. Jr., had not, however, thought it neces sary to lake any one into his confidence regarding his late achievements with the donkey-. When Mr. Limkins felt tin- need of .oiiic living thing to inspire ids etn qnence. this living relic of the "Mid way” v t ry naturally on me into his mind, lie knew tlie donkey was at leisure, in the barn at home, and he at once de cided the donkey should have the bene fit of Ids rehearsal. A few minutes later Mr. Limkins entered ids barn, closed and locked behind him -and was alum with the donkey. Mr. Limkins prefaced his remarks with a few kind soothing words to his donkey-ship, and taking a position im mediately in front of him, began his oration. The donkey was standing in the middle of the barn chewing some -craps of straw that were scattered about, and paid but tiMle attention In his visitor at first; but as Mr. Limkins got well into liis subject and began to throw in a Delsarte movement here and tin re, he raised his head and seemed to take considerable interest. He peeked his long ears forward over his head in an inquiring way and eyed (he speaker narrow ly. This inquisitive attitude encouraged Mr. Limkins to til! further effort and he became thor oughly wanned tip. The donkey livid back his left ear. Mr. Limkins was nearing his climax the donkey was nearing in's. Those gestuns beeaine more and more famil iar and reminded him of other things. Mr. Limkins closed uu eloquent period, shaking his fist right in I lie face of the donkey. Now, (he donkey was of for eign birth, and not be expected to appreciate an American speech any how- even under the most favorable circumstances. He laid back the other ear; sudden ly changed ends and landed fairly on Mr. Limkins' seat of utterance. Mr Limkins sat down violently on a pile of old tomato cans and other rubbish in a remote corner of the barn, silen. - ly. hut rapidly opening and shutting his month in a vain attempt to cry out; but for the moment he lacked the necessary amount of air pressure to the square inch to produce sound. WFien he had taken in a sufficient amount to proceed out loud, his next few remark' were made without notes, and were of an entirely personal nature; relating especially to the donkey- and his don key mothers for several generations back. Mr. Limkins (hen proceeded to be very nu an to the donkey and ended up by incasing him in a coil of clothes line, which he found In the barn. Around and around he wound the clothes-line until there was nothing of the donkey left visible but his head and ears. With the donkey In this helpless condition. Mr. Limkins took a fresh start at the beginning of his speech and recited it over and over again several times. Every time Mr. Limkins reached that particular cli max, and made those magnificent gest ures, there was a perceptible quiver in the bundle of clothes-line, which al ways caused a slight break at that par ticular part, in the otherwise easy flow of Mr. Limkins’ speech. At last -Mr. Limkins felt that he could not improve by farther practice, and 1 , giving the bundle of clothes-line a parting kick, closed' the interview. That night Mr. Limkins listened to the several speakers that preceded him, his heart swelled with pride as he thought how favorably his speech would-compare with any that had been delivered. It may be that it is im possible to impress a man that is so thoroughly interested in himself as was Mr. Limkins; but be that as it may, -Mr. Limkins failed to find any thing worth noting. As he arose in his place to respond to “Our Sons,’’ he felt confident that he would take his sent the hero of the evening. A slight nervousness, together with some impatience to reach his most Impressive periods, made him talk rap idly at first; and h also hud some little difficulty in controlling his eyes, which showed a decided tendency to wards a fixed stare. However, he managed to vary the stare to some extent, and continued to do fairly well meti 1 he readied that particular part which the donkey had pointed off so persistently. At th.s pt .nl Mr. Limkins made a slight pause and could' not recall his next few lines- — although he made n heroic effort to do co. The picture of the donkey suddenly filled his mind to such an extent as to drive out everything else. For a mo ment it seemed impossible for him to pet away from the seems in the barn. One view after another swift ly chased each other through his mind. lie wondered If anyone had found the donkey and set him free; or whether he was still embalmed in the clothes-line. He wondered who would be the one to find him—whether the cook, Silas. Jr., or one ot |k' neigh bors. hr speculated on tITT- chances of having been seen entering the barn In the afternoon, and what ex planation he would 1 make If ques tioned 1 about it. llet-hought.it would have been wiser to lure restored the donkey his liberty before he left him Ile could see the sad. lonesome look in his face as it protruded from the bundle of clothes-line; lying there through the long night on the cold floor of the barn. All this was bat a few lightning flashes through Mr. Limkins 1 mind and lie was vainly trying to fix his thoughts on Ids subject. Emm thi point Mr. Limkins was obliged t< proceed* in a truly “extemporaneous" manner. He wandered on tremulous ly sometimes on the track, some times off. nod sometimes partly on and partly off. Oci aslonally lie would get glimpses of his prepared speech and when he did. lie would eagerjv (Ire them off whether they titled the place where they occurred to him, or tan- sometimes getting things eon siderably mixed. For Instance, referring to Mr. Lim kins-’ notes at one place, he should have said: “Who can tell how great (inr sons may be. or what grand thoughts the fathers of,"-and Mr Limkins. as he caught this on the fly, challenged the company with: “Who-wlm can fell whose sou lie may be. or who bis father was?" Again, in another place, according to the notes that were stowed away In his inside pocket, he should have said; "Our forefathers, who for eight long years daily drank the bitter rap of want, that we might now be free they never hoped for such development as thi; " And Mr. Limkins waylaid this as h went- Ivy, a nil waving his glass of wine before him, said: "Our forefa thers, who for eight long years daily drunk—-on (hat bitter cop that is now so free they never dreamed—of any anything like this." All things must have an end; and when the mark's of approval, which Mrs. Limkins had been administering from beneath the table, became too pointed l to longer overlook. Mr. Lim kins came to an end abruptly. Side by side Mr. and Mrs. Limkins silently walked to their home that night; and to Mr. Limkins there was an ominous sound in the steady , de termined grinding of the snow and iec beneath Mrs. Limkins’ feet. Occasion ally' he stole a humble glance in her direction, but found nothing in the steady, sober face to give linn hope. foully lie turned into his street; and as he still more sadly turned be neath an avenue of trees leading to his own door the moon came out in all her gentle glory; the stars looked thjwfi and through the leafless branches (lie light of heaven shone bright and merciful. The wretched man turned back witli a last longing look at the free, beautiful world with out. and l then with head) humbly bowed to meet the torrent of just wrath, which he knew was snf-• to fall upon him, he entered 1 lib cheerless home. As the door was closing behind him a peculiar, mocking cry rang out on the clear, frosty air—tint Inimitable combination of somms which only’ members of the donkey tribe can pro finer. Thf Tnif Xllsnloitnrj Spirit. The missionary* spirit inheres strong ly In the Hritbli race. “There's two Dutch boys at our school," said a small boy to his mother, “am! we fall 'em Hoe rut” His mother suggested that they should 1 be treated kindly. “Oh. but they're against ns, motlu r. aren't they?" said the boy, “Then yon should try to convert them,” ar gued his mother. The small boy re flected for a moment. A good con science came to his relief. “Well,” ho said, “we do; and their noses are al ways bleeding."—London Chronicle. THFiO. SCHMIDTMAN’S SONS. Clearance Sale of Basebalf Good?,. We are daily re ceiving ship ments of se hool suf iplies for fall opening of schools and must make room f or the n. Reach’s Offu :lal ball 68c Goldsmith’s s*l league ball SOc “ I eague ball. 80c “ S up. l eague ba11...65c Louis ille Slu. ;ger hats 60c Wagon Tong'ue bats isc L. & B. bats.. J()c Bargains in catcher’s Milts and Infielders’s gloves. A Delightful Yellowstone Park Trip, A party of select Wisconsin people will make a trip toJYellow done I’ark in .Inly or Ani'ust in cli.iri.e ofC i; (’u| yer. Professor of (reologv. Stevens peiin Normal School, traveling in a special sleeping an i buffet car Those ile iring to join, can obtain complete information as to rates, time of leaving, etc from .1 M. ’1 nrner. Special Excursion \geut, Wisconsin Central Uy Hnrlington, Wis. mylTanll The turners decided to eliminate' politics. Very l ow Rates to Denver, Col. On the North Western line excursion tickets will bo sold July‘”i and - 2I lim ! ited to August ‘2l. on account of Annual Convention V. P. C. I'. I 11 iI •<I Proshy leriau ( hnreh. Apply to agents Cltiea go & North-Western H y. .Ini r:. M Australia had about lon nnn aboHgi lies too years ago- Now lhe\ have dwindled to less than Klo.tMMi A CAKI> We. the undersigned, <l<> herein arrive to refund the money on a Ao-cent bottle of (ti - < one's Warranted Si nip of Tar if ji fails to cure your cough or eoM We also guarantee a ‘2ac. nt bott'n to prove sat isfaetery or looney refunded ('HAS. A. (Jnot'TMAN. HknkvHinrh Its Spain lias more sunshine than any oii.t country in Europe, the yearly a\ erage being tI.OOO hours. The blood is strained and | arified In the kidneys. No hope of health while ; the kidneys are wrong. I’oi.kv's kid NKV iTHK wi(l make healthy kidney* and pure blood. Nothing else just as good.' Henry lltnrichs, druggist, If the cat scratches yon n is always j the sign of tile Maltese cross, Gen-Gen! Gen-Gen! Do You Wish to Grow Younger? (ien-( len isfruarantoccl thrift rat-! cst Muscle Producer, Nerve Tonic and Blood Builder. For Pale and Sallow complexion A 'True Tonic. It has no equal. A chance to grow young', heallln and beautiful, w rinkles will be re moved and deep lines softened. A youthful expression to the face and more graceful curves to the body. Nervousness will make a woman grow old and wrinkled. One ( ren-Oen tablet after each meal and at bed-lime will over-! come nervousness and develop the muscles bringing - out the ( most graceful of a woman’s ■ curves. Prepared by Prof Ovid! La Baehe of Paris, France. Address all orders to the Meyer Chemical Cos., Sole Agents Stevens Point, Wis. 50 tent. for one box or S2-50 money or der for six boxes. The American Monthly Review of Reviews wishes to secure an active subserip tion agent in your city. I.im.KAI. COMMISSIONS to an energetic worker. There ar t . a number of hit. lligent persons in your acquaintance who cannot afford to dowithont this magazine in a Presidential year Von will find it pleasant ami profitabh occnpa lion. Write tor parti ul“.rs to Agency Department The Review of Reviews Company, Id Astor Place, New V ork City. UPPINCOTT'S MONTHLY MAGAZINE A Family Library The Best in Current Literature 12 Complete Novels Yearly MANY SHORT STORIES AND PAPERS ON TIMELY TOPICS $2.60 per year; 25cts. a copy NO CONTINUED STORIES EVERY number complete in itbele Why are Lowney’s Chocolates So Popular? Because their reputation is worth millions to the Walter M. Lowney Cos. and ii wouldn’t do to let that reputation suffer. Lowney’s chocolates are now packed in pretty souvenir boxes which makes them doubly suit able for calls and gifts. DO YOU KNOW -- ~ , **' ' ■ * r •' • • • W .. That We are Now Selling Bicycles at Very Low Prices? Do \ on Know That VVc Sell W heels on Fasy Terms. !or the months of June* iintl .Inly wc will sell wheels at bottom figures. If you intend buying a wheel now is the time !< get it. We have wheels at $20.00 and upwards. Call and inspect our samples and prices and see if we cannot please you. CM AS. J. SCHUETZE CO., No. 1206 Washington St. '■ ... i'tfc MM . v . 4Csll JOIIN scHumt I I ;fW SI ft ' ' &wM> M W. '! r T_ -I'-W ORIENTAL Milts fc ■ :%i?\ isi IS IS if 8 • i fiouh * mto K , *s| B liti in S fail VtntiAiL. / C.,^l ORIENTAL Is/EIH.H.S MANUFACTURERS OF FLOUR and FEED. SCHUETTE.Nrt'tw. ItAIMOLV miVHMMMNCi NOIt I’ll HUN WIS CONSIN The settler and mannfiu'tnver wln> have located in tln- northern portion of tin- I bulgur Slato. are developing and iiuproving that immense tract of rich country very rapidly. Tiller,'< of the noil arc coming in and now factories are go ing up There is reason for this. The ipiality and quantity of iron ore, clay, kaolin, marl and limber lands tell the secret. Nature yields its richness to those who toil. opportunities are still plentiful, for much of the rich undevel oped land is awaiting the settler and i mannfactnier It can be obtained on easy terms and at low figures. mi; Wisconsin t i;ntk vi, i: \ The pioneer road of the northern see lion of Wisconsin affords cheap and excellent Iran port,nt on facilities, thus opening the markets of the entire eonii try to the products of that section Those interested can obtain free i 11 11 (rated pamphlet sand maps upon appliea cation to \V. H. Kim.kn, Land and Industrial Commissioner. I’ruTON' Jin insun. Jac. (', I’iinii G. F. A Nen, Pass. Agent Colby A; Abbot Itldg . Milwaukee. Wis Money at 5 per ct. ON First Mortgage Security AT JULIUS LINSTEDT, Manitowoc, Wis. OFFICE IN SAVINGS BINE BUI,HIM. A Manitowoc Fountain Pen. We had a shipment of $1.50 Fountain Pens manufactured es pecially for us and named them the “Elevator Foutain Pen” in hon or of the city. They have been introduced in many Wisconsin towns and they carry with them a good name for Manitowoc be cause they are exceedingly cheap at sl. We guarantee them for a year. MAN 1 1 HVVIN'J tIUN^-v Capita, SIOO,OOO. Surplus SIO,OOO. JOHN srm'KTTK. I’resMeut ...ms srm^K.V Mr . |; " ashi*uiih’ashler n >''' n Olu 8 o’clock. BATH SUPPLIES Nothing is more refresh ing during the hot season than a hath. We have a most complete assortment of bat Ii supplies. We have all grades and stiles of Sponges. Hath- I trashes and Hath (1 loves. Also the most select Tal cum Powders, Toilet Soap and Toilet Waters. OSCAR A. ALT MU. Prescript ion druggist For Parties, Dances and Picnics. Ass’ted paper napkins per 100 13c Playing' cards, per do/. 80c $1.25 and $2.25. Program pencils, silk tassels per 100 80c Score cards, 8 or 12 rounds per dozen 10c An extensive variety of suit able prizes.