Watertown republican. [volume], November 15, 1876, Image 6

About Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906

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THE SO'iG SPARROW.
■>. ■> *r.s vTnj the leafless ffiicket
■'! --m hesi<i rny garden gate,
\Vm .<. light, from post to picket
5 1 *i>m ihe sparrow, blithe, sedate;
Vt *-i, with meekly folded wing,
; D,uos to suo himself and sing.
It u is there, perhaps, last year,
t h f hia little house he huilt;
For h° seems to peaX ami peer,
Ami to twitter, to, and tilt
rhe bare branches in between
V/ h a fond, familiar mien.
Once, I know, there was a nest, ,
Hel.i there by the sideward thrust
Of those twigs that touch his breast;
Though 'Ms gone now. Some rude gust
Ca ight it, over full of snow—
B ut the buffi —and robbed it so.
Thus ur highest holds are lost
By tb-r ruthless winter’s wind,
When, with swift dismantling frost,
Tho green woods we dwelt in, thinn’d
Of their leafage, grow too cold
F.r trail hoj ea of summer’s moli.
But if we, with spring days mellow,
Wake to woeful wrecks of change
And the sparrow’s ritornello
Scaling still its old sweet range;
Can we do a better thing
Thao, with him, still build and sing ?
Oh my sparrow, thou dost breed
Though in me beyond all telling
■Shooter through me sunlight seed,
And fruilful blessing, with that welling
Ripple of ecstatic rest,
Gurgling ever from thy breast!
Ami thy breezy carol spurs
Vital ruction in my blood,
Such a-, in the sapwood stirs,
Swells and shapes the pointed bud
Or the lilac; and besets
The hollows thick with violets.
Yet 1 know not any charm
Tout can make the fleeting time
Of thy sylvan faint alarm
Suit itself to human rhyme;
And my yearning rbymtbic word
Dues thee grievous wrong, dear bird.
So, h >wever thon hast wrought
Tliis wild joy on heart and brain.
It is better left untaught —
Take thou up the song again:
"here is notbirg sad afloat
0:i the tide that swells thy throat 1
All EXPENSIVE TRAIN,
At the time when the first court of
law was established in Russia, a lady,
dressed with the utmost elegance, was
walking on the Moscow promenade,
leaning upon her husband’s arm, and
lettirg the long train* of her rich dress
.sweep the dust and dirt of the street.
A young officer, coming hastily from
*a side street, was so careless as to catch
one of his spurs in the lady’s train, and
in an instant a great piece was torn
out of ihe costly but frail material of
the dress,
“I beg a thousand pardons,
madame,” said the officer, with a po
lite bow. and then was about passing
on, when he was detained by the lady’s
husband.
“ You have insulted my wife.”
1 Nothing was further from ray in
tendon, sir. Your wife’s long dress is
to blame for the accident, which I sin
cerely regret, and I beg you once more
to rcceivb my apologies for any care
lessness on my part.” Thereupon ho
attempted to hasten on.
“ You shah not escape so,” said the
lady, with her head thrown back in a
spirited way. “ To-day is the first time
I have worn this dress, and it cost me
two hundred rubles, which you must
make good.”
“ My dear madam, I beg you not to
* detain me. lam obliged to go on duty
at once. As to the two hundred rubles
—I really cannot help the length of
your dress, yet I beg your pardon for
not having been more cautious.”
“ foil shall not stir, sir. That you
are obliged to go on duty is nothing to
us. My wife is right; the dress must
be made good.”
The officer’s face grew pale.
“ You force me to break through the
rules of the service, and I shall receive
punishment.”
‘ Pay the two hundred rubles and
you are free.”
The quickly changing color in the
young man’s face betrayed how in
wardly disturbed he was; but stepping
close to them both, he said, with ap
parent self-command:
“ You will renounce your claim when
I tell you that I am a—a —poor man,
who has nothing to live on but his of
fice;'. pay, and the amount of that pay
haidh; reaches the sum of two hun
dred rubles in a whole year. I can,
therefore, make no amends for the
misfortune, except by again begging
your pardon.”
“On! anybody could say all that;
but we’ll see if it’s true; we’ll find out
if you have nothing but your pay. I
declare myself not satisfied with your
-me my*,” persisted the lady, in the hard
woks'- of a thoroughly unfeeling woman.
‘ That is true—you are right,” the
husband added, dutifully supporting
her. *• By good luck we have the open
court now just in session. Go with us
before the judge and he will decide the
matter.”
Aii further protestation on the offi
cer’s pari that be -was poor, that he
Vt A expected on duty, and eo forth, did
not help matters. Out of respect for
his uniform, and to avoid an open
scene, he had to go with them to the
court-room, where the gallery w*as
densely packed with a crowd of people.
- Aft-T waiting some time the lady
had leave to bring her complaint.
“ What have you to answer to this
complaint?” said the judge, turning to
the officer, who seemed embarrassed
and half in despair.
“On the whole, very little. As the
lateness of the hour, and being requir
ed on duty, compelled rne to hurry, I
did not notice this lady’s train, which
was dragging on the ground. I caught
one of my spurs in it, and bad the
misfortune to tear the dress. Madam
would not receive my excuses, but
perhaps now she might find herself
mo* c disposed to forgiveness, when 1
igpft declare, so help me God, that
I committed this awkward blunder
without any mischievous intention,
and 1 earnestly beg that she wuii pardon
me.”
• A murmur ran through the gallery,
evidently from the people taking sides
with tbe defendant, and against long
trains in general and the lady in par
itcular.
The judge called to order, and asked ;
“Are you satisfied with the defendant’s
explanation ?”
“ Not at all satisfied. I demand two
hundred rubles in payment for my torn
dre*s.”
“ Defendant, will you pay this sura ?”
“ I would have paid it long before
this had I been in a position to do so.
Unfortunately, lam poor. My pay as
an officer is all I have to live on.”
“ You hear, complainant, that the de
fendant is not able to pay the sum you
demanded of him. Do you still wish
the complaint to stand ?”
An unbroken stillness reigned
throughout the hall, and the young
officer’s breath could be heard coming
hard,
“ I wish it to stand. The law shall
give me my rights.”
There ran through the rows of people
a murmur of indignation that sounded
like a rushing of water.
“Consider,, complainant, the conse
quences of your demand. The defend
ant can be punished only through being
deprived of bis personal libt Ny, and by
that you could obtain no satisfaction,
while to the defendant it might prove
the greatest injur3 r to his rank and posi
tion as an officer, and especially as he is
an officer who is poor and dependent
upon his pay. Do you still insist upon
your complaint ?”
“ I still insist upon it.”
The course the affair w r as taking
seemed to have become painful to the
lady’s husband. He spoke Avith his
wife urgently, but, as could be seen by
| the way she held up her head and the
i energy with which she shook it, quite
| uselessly. The judge was just going on
!to further consideration of the case,
1 when a loud voice w r as heard from the
j audience:
“1 w r ill place the two hundred rubles
i at the serA r ice of the defet daut.”
There followed a silence, during
! which a gentleman forced his w r ay
I through the crowd and placed himself
; by the young officer’s side.
“ Sir, lam the Prince W., and beg
I you will oblige me by accepting the
i loan of the two hundred rubles in ques
tion.”
“ Prince, I am not w r orthy of your
kindness, for I don’t know if I shall
ever be able to pay the loan,” answered
; the young man, in a voice tremulous
: with emotion.
“Take the moneyed all events. I
can wait until you are able to return
it.” Tnereupon the prince held out
two notes of a hundred rubles each,
and coming close up to him, whispered
a few words very softly. There Avas k
sudden lighting up of the officer’s face.
He immediately took the two notes,
and turning toward the lady, handed
them to her with a polite bow.
“ I hope, madam, you are satisfied.”
With a malicious smile she reached
out her hand for the money.
“Wes; now I am satisfied.”
With a scornful glance over the
crowd of spectators, she prepared to
leave the court-room on her husband’s
arm.
“Stop, madam,” said the officer, who
had suddenly become like another
man, with a firm and confident, man
ner.
“ What do you want?”
The look that the young woman cast
upon him was as insulting as possible.
“ I want my dress,” ho answered
with a slight but still perfectly polite
bow.
“ Give me your address, and I will
send it to 3*011.”
“ Oh, no, m3 r dear madam, lam in
the habit of taking my purchases with
me at once. Favor me with the dress
immediately.”
A shout of approbation came from
the gallery.
“Order?” cried the judge.
“What an insane demand !” cried
the lady’s husband. “My wife cannot
undress herself here.”
“ I have nothing to do with you, sir,
in this matter, bus only with tne com
plainant. Be so good, madam, as to
give me tbe dress immediately. lam
in a great hurry; my affairs are urgent,
and I cannot Avait a moment longer.”
The pleasure of the audience at the
expense of the lady increased with
eA r ery word, until it was hard to enforce
any approach to quiet, so that either
party could be heard.
“Do not jest any more about it. I
will hurry and send 3 r ou the dress as
soon as possible.
“I am not jesting. I demand from
the representative of the law my own
property that —dress,” said the officer,
raising his voice.
The judge, thus appealed to, decided
promptly.
The officer is right, madam. You
are obliged to hand him over the dress
on the spot.”
“ I can’t undress myself here before
all these people, and go home without
an} 7 dress on,” said the young woman,
yiih anger and tears.
“You should have thought of that
sooner. Now you have no time to
lose. Either give up the dress of your
own accord, or ” A nod that could
not be misinterpreted brought to the
lady’s side two officers of justice, who
seemed about to take upon themselves
the office of my lady’s maid.
“ Take your back, and lea\*e
me my dress.”
“ Oh, no, madam; that dress is now
worth more than two hundred rubles
to me.”
“ How much do you ask for it ?”
“ Two thousand rubles,” said the of
ficer firmly.
“I will pay the sum,” the weeping
lady’s husband responded, promptly.
“I have here five hundred rubles. Give
me pen and paper and 1 will write an
order upon my banker for the remain
ing fifteen hundred.”
After he had written the draft the
worth}* pair withdrew, amidst hisses
from the audience.
A society has been formed in Siberia
which compels all males to marry when
of age, and makes the wife the head
of the family, and the husband a j
marked subordinate. Can it be that
woman’s rights movement has been
transferred from our country to Sibe
ria? Where is Busan B. Anthony this
year, anyway ?
Soukdif g in the channel of the Mis
sissippi near New Madrid show' that
under the main current it is from 80 to
108 feet deep, reckoning from high
water mark.
A PERILOUS VOYAGE.
ExpcxiMice of tin* Statps Stenmcr
Oxsip©© In a.Oj’don*-.—Fearful Onslaught
of Wind and Wavfs. —Suffering-* of
thi Seamwn.
The United States steamer Ossipee
was caught in a cyclone on the 19th
ult., off the coast of Florida. We ex
tract the following from a letter written
on board the steamer, giving the awful
experiences of the vessel :
The barometer commenced falling
slowly at about two in the afternoon,
and at sundown stood at 29.4 G (me
curial), and at midnight had fallen to
29.80. The wind was then blowing
heavily from the east by south with an
indicated force of 8 (12 being maximum
and 0 being minimum). These strong
indications ©f a coming “blow” induced
the Captain to head the ship to the
eastward, put on all steam and sail, and
run for sea room; away from the danger
ous coast of Florida as well as from the
equally dangerous Bahama Banks.
At ten in the evening the storm was
heavily upon us, and the sea running
strong and high from the southward.
Orders were given to batten down the
hatches, which was speedily done, and
all hands forced on deck. From this
time the force of the wind gradually
increased, and at two o’clock the next
morning (Friday) a heavy sea came
over the starboard (windward) rail, lift
ed the steam cutter from her cradle
and lashings and carried her inboard
and deposited her in the gangway, nar
rowly escaping oversetting the smoke
stack of the ship. The same sea stove
in the starboard forward port, breaking
the heavy shutters and wrenching away
their thick iron fastenings and hinges
as though they had been leather.
Heavy seas continues to come on
board, each more heavy and threaten
ing than the former, till finally one
came tearing over the starboard quar
ter with such momentum and violence
tnat it tore away the hammock nettings
and rails, and breaking through all ob
! structions into the ward and lire rooms
i below nearly filled those places. One
| part of tbe sea went aft and stove
j in the cabin bulkhead and door, car
| ried the four men away from the
1 wheel, flooded the cabin and quarter
i deck to the depth of three feer, tossing
, the officers and men about like rubber
| balls, and destroying the furniture and
I woodwork generally. Returning as the
! ship lurched, it carried away heavy
I bulkheads with a force of many tons,
I and finally went to sea again, over the
i port side, by knocking out the heavy
I ports of the pivot gun and smashing
! the launch that was stowed away on
i the port rail. ’Twas quickly done, but
I its effect was demoralizing, for every
| body saw at a glance that we could not
I stand many such onslaughts. How
| ever, we soon became accustomed to
1 the seas and they had no terrors for
I us, though they knocked as down and
about the decks in a most promiscuous
manner. One came flying entirely
over the ship, and lighting in the
launch tore it completely from its fas
tenings, smashed it like an eggshell
and took it off to sea. Many of her
! “ belongings” were stowed in her. such
as sails, spars, oars, etc., all of which
were branded with “ Ossipee.” Should
any of these articles be picked up be
fore our safety is known I expect con
siderable anxiety will be felt. At about
half-past nine o’clock, A. m., the storm
had reached its fiercest force and fury.
The barometer was down to 28.82, and
the noise of the rushing wind was so
great that it was impossible to hear the
human voice unless the mouth of the
speaker was placed close to the ear of
the hearer.
Sight was equally impossible, except
to leeward, for the air was loaded with
small globules of sea water, which
struck the face and eyes and any ex
posed part with the fierceness and sting
of a myriad of bees. The men in get-
I ing about the decks to attend their du
| ties were thrown violently from their
feet, and, blinded by the salt spray,
were obliged to go gropiug as if they
were in total darkness. They could
only stick to their stations by tne most
desperate struggling against the
hatches, gratings, doors, deck buckets,
and many other articles that were
being swept back and across the decks
by the rushing of the water as the ship
rolled and tossed. Breathing was diffi
cult, and the air taken into the lungs
was so loaded with sea salts that it
caused excessive irritation, producing
violent coughing and vomiting. The
suffering of the men was most intense,
especially among the firemen and coal
heavers, who were not only deprived of
ventilation but obliged to inhale the
salt water steam produced by the seas,
rushing into the fire room. Things
weie looking pretty blue. It was then
thought advisable to encourage the
men by the use of stimulants. The
surgeon found a sufficient quantity to
give all bands a “ tot ” each and sent it
to tne cabin to be distributed.
Just then tne storm began to come
more in gusts, with intervals of quiet,
and in five minutes there was a dead
calm. Ominous still was the wind to
ears that had once heard the typhoon.
Until now everybody had hoped that
the storm was simply a straight line
hurricane.
When the calm cat&e, faces bright
ened and looked ruddy that but a mo
ment before were gloomy and blanched
with dread. Officers * congratulated
each other on their safe escape from
the storm, but one old croaker, as he
was voted at the time, who had been
keeping an anxious eye on the barome
ter, recommended that we delay
“whistling till we get out of the woods.”
We then went up on the poop, to hear
“ what the wild waves were saying.”
We found them acting mo A fantastic
ally. As soon as the wind had ceased,
the seas commenced lifting up their
huge backs in long, rolling waves of
immense size, which seemed to roll
from nowhere in particular, and were
going and coming everywhere. They
piled themselves over and against each
other in a strangely confused manner,
that caused the ship to pitch and roll
so fearfully that it was nearly impos
sible to keep one’s footing. Riding
on the backs of these huge bil
lows, were smaller seas, white-crested
and cone-shaped, that would leap up
toward the clouds, topple over and dis
appear, and give place to others, which
seemed to be thrown out from the in
terior of the long seas with volcanic
force. Thus, as far as the eye could
reach, in all directions about, the hor
izon, this dance of the waves, this Ti
tanic cancan went on —sea piling on
sea, like Pelion upon Ossa. Sometimes
one of these huge seas would come
thundering down upon us, bearing
upon its back a load of smaller waves,
in such force as to threaten instant de
struction. On one occasion, three of
these “ riders” were upset so near the
ship that their tops came tumbling on
board from three directions at once, one
over either bow, and one over the poop.
The ship trembled and creaked, and
stopped rolling for a moment, and
seemed to shake herself free from this
grasp of the waves, and slowly surged
ahead again from the impulse of the
engines.
The sky during this time presented a
no less ominous appearance than did
the sea. Banks of ashen-hued clouds
lay along the horizon, while overhead
broken scuds sped across the zenith
from different directions, but principal
ly from the north. A heavy, rumbling
sound would occasionally come from
somewhere, like the distant roar of an
earthqaake. The barometer continued
stationary at 28.82, with frequent but
slight oscillations. All these indications
convinced the most skeptical that the
old croaker “ had croaked prophetic,”
and that we had passed through one
hemisphere of a cyclone and were
then in its vortex or centre. Thus
were we convinced that we had the dis
comfort, dreadful suspense and hard
work to go over again, and that right
speedily. 80 we heaved sighs nearly as
bjg as the waves outside, tried to joke
and look smiling, but it was of no use.
Our hearts were too heavy and our
stomachs too empty, is we had had
nothing to eat for the L„st twenty-four
hours and but warm water to drink.
So we commenced getting everything
taut for the next onset of the storm.
At about fifteen minutes of noon a lit
| tie puff of wind and rain came from
i the north. The barometer rose two
tenths of an inch but immediately fell
! back again. The ship’s head was
‘brought quickly around to the north,
and just in time for the storm to strike
us “ butt end foremost.” It came from
the northwest by north. Had we been
! five minutes later in getting around the
! wind would have caught us on the
broadside and certainly capsized us.
The little rain squall from the north
about five minutes before the storm
struck us the second time was the first
indication that we had as to which
: hemisphere of the meteor had passed
I over us and from whence to expect the
| second half.
! Within five minutes of the com
! mencement of the second attack the
i cyclone had us again in its jx)werfnl
I grasp. For the space of two hours and
forty two minutes the storm was more
; fearful than in the morning, and in ten
minutes the wind had completely flat
tened out the “ riding seas ” and was
exerting such a heavy pressure upon
the “rollers ” that they could do but
little mischief. The voice of the wind
was pitched in a most fearful key. I
might say in several fearful keys, no
two of which were in harmony, like
that of a thousand women shrieking in
the terrors of a nightmare combined
with a metallic cracking vibration like
| the highest notes of a calliope and
steam tog whistle. The sufferings of
the sailors weie repeated and intensi
fied, as was the moral effect upon
everybody else. The sheets and storm
staysails were carried away with a re
port like that of a cannon almost as
soon as they were set. The ship was
held down to leeward and pressed into
the water by the force of the wind.
The seas made clean sweeps over both
bulwarks. The fires were extinguished
in the lee furnaces. The fore and
main topgallant masts were snapped
off like clay pipe stems, ana all sorts of
debris was thrashing about the deck. At
twenty minutes past one the barometer
commenced to rise steadily though
very slowly, and at two o’clock the
fiercest of the wind began to come in
gusts, with intervals of lesser violence
which intervals became longer and
longer till three o’clock, from which
time till midnight it gradually eased off
to a steady blow from the northwest.
Thus ended the most violent storm
it was ever my lot to experience, and I
have met cyclones and typhoons and
borers and pamperos and ail sorts of
storms on nearly all seas. . This one
lasted but twenty-six hours. At the
time it struck us we were about twenty
miles t© the east and south of Cape
Canaveral light and in the gulf stream,
and when it left us were about ninety
miles to the northward and eastward
of that light. The meteor approached
from tne southward, and vve entered at
the upper right hand arc—looking
north—passed throngn its vortex near
ly at its axis, and out through the
southern and western arc, the storm
having been deflected to the north
north-east while passing over us, prob
ably by the Cape.
Another Enoch Arden.
Baltimore Sun.
An incident has come to light in
Baltimore lately which recalls the story
of Enoch Arden. Charles Coates, who
left his home three years ago and was
believed to be dead, returned lately to
find that his wife was again married.
He was the driver of an ice wagon,
and says he has been in the western
states. Shortly after his disappearance
the body of a. drowned man w T as found
in the Eastern District, an inquest was
held by Coroner Sulzer, and the re
mains were interred in the old Metho
d.st cemetery, on Point lane, north of
Greenmount. The wife believed the
body was that of her absent husband,
and made application to Mt. Vernon
Lodge No. 13, Knights of Pythias, and
William Louis Schley Lodge of Me
chanics for benefits due in such cases.
The body was disinterred twice under
the supervision of the coroner in the
presence of committees of the lodges,
and it was finally decided not to pay
the benefits for lack of satisfactory
identification. The returned husband,
it is understood, does not intend inter
fering with the present marital rela
tions of bis wife, but claims possession
of his child.
of the Lick House, Ban
Francisco, injured by the explosion of
the steam table, in September, 1875,
have brought damage suits against the
Lick trustees, and ask for $70,000.
A WESTERN BABYLON.
Sketch of City—The Wickedest
City of tli© Pacific Slope.
Letter to St. Louis Republican.
The sensations of a stranger on en
tering Virginia City are novel in the ex
treme, and bis astonishment increases
hourly for several days—if by virtue of
being well supplied with coin he is en
abled to remain that long. There is
certainly no such other place in the
universe. This may be said, on the
whole, to be fortunate for humanity;
for —excepting always Chicago—this is
the wickedest place in the world.
There is no Sunday, although there are
church edifices; there is little religion,
though several preachers. The streets,
night and day, are a surging mass of
human forms. The men are the
largest, finest looking, best dressed and
most intelligent that I have ever seen,
ihey come from almost every quarter
of the habitable globe, though of
course in limited numbers from each
section. They are, as a rule, generous
and lavish in the expenditure of
money. They seem to have no con
ception of the real value and legiti
mate blessings of wealth. They live
for to-day only, and literally take no
thought for the morrow; consequently
it not infrequently happens that a
man who is flush to-day wull be found
penniless to-morrow. But he will not
remain so long, especially if he has
many acquaintances, for he will soon
“ raise a stake ” either by the assist
ance of friends or at the gaming-table,
and, with a light and joyous heart will
join the reckless throng that sweep the
streets. It is at night that Virginia City
appears in her most dazzling aspect. The
thoroughfares are then even more
densely packed than during the day.
C street, the main avenue of traffic, is
then in a blaze of glory. Brilliant
chandeliers illuminate the innumerable
saloons, billiard hall?, gaming houses,
restaurants, etc., etc. Many of these
establishments are fitted up in gorgeous
style, rivalling the most famous and at
tractive dens in New York and Chi
cago. In the gambling rooms especi
ally the appointments are superb.
Costly mirrors, elegant furniture, vel
vetry carpets, render the place luxuri
ant, while upon the tables —a veritable
feast for the eyes—may be seen stacks
of gold and silver. On a faro table of
one of the saloons, a few evenings
since, I saw at least a peck of gold
twenties, piled up symmetrically, and
the dealer was thus prepared to “size
the pile ” of any adventurer into the
jungle where the tiger reigns. There
are always crowds in attendance at
these nightly seances of the Royal
Bengal. As many as can find room at
the table stake their money; others pa
tiently wait their turn. Many are
there, however, for curiosity’s sake, or
because they find a comfortable
lounging place. The reader must not
imagine that the way of the faro table
| here is up two or three dark and
winding stair cases into a dis
mal back room guarded by vigilant
“ bouncers,” whose business it is to keep
out “ suspicious” characters (i. e., fly
cops). Oh, no. In this State every
j body gambles. Not all of them at
I faro, of course; but, if not at faro, in
stocks, which is just as unsatisfactory
and uncertain. Gambdng is not only
tolerated by society, but protected and
authorized by law. For example, in
regard to faro, it is provided by legisla
tive enactment, that proprietors shall
pay a uniform tax of S4OO per quarter
to the State. Then the municipalities,
of course, come in for a liberal share
of the gamblers’ spoils in the shape of
local taxess. Thus each faro table is
compelled to pay between two and
three thousand dollars per annum for
governmental expenses. How they
must bleed their customers to make
ends meet can be imagined by the av
erage citizen. Gambling in stocks, as
intimated above, is the universal evil.
Its nature is well understood in the
East as well as in the West. Stock
speculation here is practically the same
as it is in New York. There is an essen
tial difference, however, in the charac
ter of the operators. Capitalists and
brokers deal mostly in Eastern stocks,
while here facilities are provided and
every encouragement given to persons
of small means to invest their savings
in mining stocks. The modus operandi
whereby the big fishes swallow the
small ones is pretty generally known.
Yet people do not learn from expe
rience, and the consequence is that
they are continually being squeezed,
and are kept poor perpetually.
Humors of Centennial Travel.
Centennial visitors are abroad by
thousands and tens of thousands, and
that public conveyances are taxed to
their utmost will be seen by the foliow
ing extract from a letter by a lady to a
friend in this city, reciting a night’s ex
perience on one of the Sound boats:
Soon after you left, the lady sitting
on my right invited baby to take a
walk. He accepted, and on their re
turn we formed a traveling acquaint
ance, and from her I learned that
when boats are crowded, as on that
night, ladies and ail secure mattresses
if possible, and camp down anywhere.
So when the mattresses began to be dis
tributed we spoke for one, and the
only way to retain it was to step on it
and stand and wait till sheets were
given out. It was really laughable to
see the eagerness with which they were
sought. We slept near where you left
us in the passageway. It was all filled
in solid there with mattresses —only
just a little space for a path left at the
foot. Some had not even chairs. On
one side were ladies and no gentlemen,
except husbands of some of the wives.
There was a party of ten or a dozen
“ Centennial visitors” on my right, and
when 1 went to sleep there was a lady
on each side of me. I awoke after a
while and attempted to turn over,
being tired of laying on my left side,
and who should I see but a great man
close to my back and on my mattress.
I knew that he was an honest country
man and his wife the other side of
him, so I thought the most sensible
thing under the ciscumstances was to
turn my back to him and go to sleep
again. After a while he left, and be
fore morning I discovered that another
and an older man was there. Such an
experience I never had before. I
laugh when I think of it. I think I had
better return via the cars. —New York
Graphic .
TVit and Humor.
A writes describing: the last scene of
•Othello,” said: “Upon which the
■Vloor, seizing a bolster full of rags and
fury, smothers her.”
A ranchman has observed a hole in
( lie mountains near Truckee, Cal., large
enough for the Mammoth Gave in Ken
tucky to go into and turn around in.
Two deaf mutes discussed politics in
xSew York city, tne other evening, be
fore an audience composed almost ex
clusively of persons who never had
heard a sound in their lives.
TS a or . Je best,” remarked
Blinks, with a sign, as he paid for the
hat he had lost. “Kay,” interposed
the lucky man, “ Mis all for the better ”
Blinks accepted the amendment,
It will be a matter of disappoint
ment to many to learn that Sergeant
Bates has decided not to carry the
Russian flag through Turkey just at
present.
Somebodx remarks that young
ladies look upon a bov as a nuisance
until he is past the age of sixteen,
when be generally doubles up in value
each until, like a meerschaum
pipe, he is priceless.
“ Ugh, ugh !” says Sitting Bull, “me
heap wish cruel war be over; else,
winter he be gone—all same. Heap
oig brave no like crawl ’long snowbank
shoot white sojer. Ugh, ugh ! freeze
Injun like um rattlesnake.”
A physician, meeting a merry young
lady, inquired if he could do anything
ror her. Having just returned from
rnnaoelphia, she replied: “Oh, yes!
i have a hemorrhage of the pocket
book.” “ Well,” said he, with a “ irre
sistible” in the corner of his eye, “I
think nitrate of silver will best agree
with you.”
A farmer who had sent a bale of
cotton to a warehouse instructed a
merchant to have the same sold. The
merchant complied with the request,
and the staple w r aa disposed of. The
farmer upon examining his statement,
was heard muttering to himself: “Dray
age, wharfage, mistakeage, storage,
leakage, weighage—well, I’ll take the
balance out in fightage.”
o o
The following notes were banded in
to a Michigan jury while they were de
liberating on a case: “F.: If you bring
a verdict of guilty against the accused
we will never buy an article of cloth
ing in your store.” “C.: If you say
guilty we will never take another drink
at your place.” “T.: If you find a ver
dict of guilty we will never buy a soup
tureen at your house.”
A pedagogue told one told one of his
scholars, a son of the Emerald Isle, to
spell hostility, “ H-o-r-s-e horse,” began
Pat. “ Kot horsetilily,” said the teach
er, “but hostility.” “Sure,” replied
Pat, “ ’an didn’t ye tell me, the other
day, not to say boss? Be jabers, it’s
one thing wid ye one day, and another
the nixt.’,
A Chinaman at the Centennial wants
a mouthful of new teeth. A civilized
joker gave the heathen a lot of
walnuts and he cracked ’em as you
would so many chestnuts. The effort
made his eyes stand more than ever,
and his teeth snap off like pipe stems.
“ Allee same shells luffeelike bullets.”
he remarked as the sixth tooth snapped
off— Norr. Htrali.
Yesterday a horse doctor was
brought up in the Supreme Court as a
witness. His replies to the numerous
questions offered were in an exceeding
ly low tone, and one or the members
of the bar at last spoke out sharply that
he must reply so that he could be un
derstood, or he could not proceed.
Judge Peters then said: “I suppose
the trouble arises from the habit of
speaking low in the sick room.” — Ban
gor Commercial.
An old hunter in Michigan, when the
country was new, got lost in the woods
several times. He was told to buy a
pocket compass, which he did, and a
friend explained its use. He soon got
lost, and laid out as usual. When
found he was asked why he did not
travel by the compass. He stated that
he did not dare to. He wished to go
north, and he “tried hard to make the
thing go north, but ’twas no use; ’twould
diddle, diddle, diddle right round, and
point southeast every time.
The late Rev. Dr. John Muir, of
Glasgow, was for some time minister
of the beautiful parish of Lecropt, in
Perthshire. He had returned tc that
parish to assist his successor, on one
of the days of worship, at the com
munion season. In his morning walk
he met with a shrewd old woman with
whom he had been m the habit of con
versing familiarly. “ What a lovely
view, Kate,” said the doctor, pointing
to the Carse of Sterling; “I can fancy
this is just like Paradise.” “ Ov, ay,
sir,” responded Kate, “ but wae’s me,
for I aye fancy you’re like Adam; ye
war in Paradise, but ye wadna bide.”
She is a daughter of sunny France,
and she enters the store with a box
about a foot square ail covered with
tinsel. She lays the box down and
says: “ Five cent for a peep inside the
box for each one of you; or ten cents
for the crowd.” One gentleman hands
out ten cents; the woman causes the
door to be closed, and with an air of
profound of profound mystery,proceeds
to undo the fastenings io the lid of the
box. The lookers-on gather around
and breathlessly watch proceedings.
Soon the lid is raised, and the specta
tors behold —a lot of china dolls, fanci
fully dressed, little bits of looking-glass
and some more tinsel. Someone says
“ Sold,” and the woman smiles bland
ly, and says “ Bonjour,” and glides out.
New Bedford Standard .
A couple belonging to one of the
coast towns of Fife, who had been but
a few months married, recently took
advantage of the railway to Edinburgh,
to see the ceremonial at the laying of
a foundation stone. The young wife
proposed staying a few days with her
friends in Edinburgh, hut it was neces
sary that her husband should proceed
homeward by the boat on Saturday
morning. To try the strength of his
helpmate’s affection, he remarked that
he “ doubtit the boat wad be sae heavy
laden that they wad a’ gang to the
bottom.” “ Dae ye think sae ? ” re
sponded his affectionate partner.
"Then, John Anderson, ye haa bette
leave the key o’ the house wi’ me.’