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Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, April 07, 1880, Image 6

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WATKRTOWN, 'VIS.
Wednesday, April 7, 1880,
THE HAPPY BUD.
BY EUDOBA MAY STONE.
A bud droops low on a grassy lea, —
She does not know what her fute will be;
So she wails, and longs and sips the dew
And tings the song that I sing to you:
“ I am so small,
And the world so wide, —
The trees are so tall
That whisper and call
By the brooklet’s side.
That I could not see,
Should I open my eyes,
The sunny lea,
Or the waters free,
Or the beautiful skies.
“ So foolish I seem,
And the world so wise,
That I cannot dream
What flower will gleam
When I greet the skies.
“ But though I’m so small.
And the world is so wide, —
Though the trees are so tall
That whisper and call
By the bix oklet’s side, —
I’ll do my best
To be sweet and bright I
And I’h woik and wait
Tor a worthy fute,
Till I find the light.”
O happy bud on the grassy leal
Filled with the beauty that is to be;
Well may she trust to the sun and dew,
As she sings the song that I sing to you.
— St, Nicf ola*.
[From tho Bangor Commercial.]
AILEEN CLARY.
A Story of the Irish Famine.
Morning in the ‘ * ould country. ’ ’ Jlist
as fair and sweet a morning as ever glad
dened human eyes. The morning wind
sobbed tremulously through the dewy
trees, as if shadowy night wept tears of
pain as she floated aw r ay to make room
for a visitant In the east the horizon
seemed studded with bars of amethyst
and emerald, while lilmy, arrowy streaks
of gold shot up and were lost in the blue
overhead. Then the sun gathered about
him his trailing garments of crimson and
purple and began his upward journey.
“ Dance light, for my heart lies under
your feet, love,’’ the blithe song floated
out through the lattice, which the next
moment was pushed open, and the fra
grant air, heavy with night dew that had
lain for hours sleeping in bloom and
roses, rushed m and fanned with odorous
breath the face of Aileeu Clary.
Soft tendril-like curls that clung in
ebon rings around the low satin, smooth
forehead; eyes that sparkled like dew
drops on a shamrock; cheeks of summer
bloom and lips of summer ripeness made
up a face thax would have tempted an
anchorite.
A smile rippled over the face of the
pretty Irish maiden as she caught sight
of a tall, young fellow slowly coming
oward the cottage.
“ And sure, Neil,” she called in a voice
like brook music, “ You are rather an
early bird, are you not, for tne sun is
hardly up yet,” and going to the door
she gayly welcomed him, all the time
wondering what made him so sober, so
unlike the usually cheery Neil O’Neale.
“Aileen, I am going to America,” was
Neil’s abrupt announcement.
“What!” uttered the maid, gazing up
into her companion’s face, aa the smile
faded from her own. “ Going to Amer
ica.”
“You surely do not mean to leave us,”
and the radiant light to at had made her
face so enchanting a few moments before
faded into ashiness.
“ Yes, dear, I must go.”
“No, no, Neil, you do not mean so.
Oh, if you go what shall I do! All the
long, long days to sit and cry because I
am so lonely. You will not, Neil. Tell
me you will not.”
She pleaded as one pleads for a life,
and her hard, dry sobs strangled in her
throat, but her eyese were tearless and
her breath came in quick, painful gasps.
Neil gathered the trembling little figure
closely to his heart.
“ Aileen, I have been thinking ever
since father died that poverty and sorrow
would always be our portion if we should
remain here where .‘he rent would eat up
the little I could _aise. If I should go
to America I could soon earn enough to
enable me to come back after you, and
together we would return to that coun
try where a home awaits every man that
is willing to work. So dry your tears
Aileeu and bid me God-speed, will you
not, mavoumeen ?” he said, in a low, as
suring tone.
Smiling through tears at his hopeful
"words, Aileen soon became almost re
conciled at the thought of bidding him
good-bye.
“ But two years is such a long time,
Neil. I tremble for fear that you will
not come back,” said Aileen, in a voice
that sounded as if it came through waves
of tears.
“ Aileen, you know that I could not
forget you. ”
“ I know it, Neil But something
tells me in this parting hour that after
you are gone that dark-faced agent,
Morris Leinster, will trouble me. I re
fused him, you know, and at the time
he frightened me, he was so very angry ?”
Could the girl have perceived the
effect of her words on the listener
crouched behind the lattice she would
have screamed from very fear.
A blaze of jealous, white heat spread
over the dark face of the spy; his eyes
darkened "with a fierce and evil light; his
lips compressed with bitter hatred, and
he ground his teeth together as he mut
tered to himself:
“You may well fear Morris Leinster
my fine Lady, for the day will come when
you, a peasant farmer’s daughter, will
rue that you slighted ihe* hand of the
rich agent for the sake of that beardless
non of poverty.”
The agent crouched behind the lattice
until he became aware that the young
couple were coming to the door. Then
he hastily hid himself in a clump of
bushes that grew close by the cottage.
And there he stood, with his livid face,
compressed bps and eyes gleaming like
a basalisk’s, while Aileen gave her lover
the premised, cheerful Godspeed, then
silently left the vicinity of the Clary
cottage with a terrible unspoken vow
written on the evil face.
* ♦ ♦ ♦ * *
“ Bread! Bread! We are starving!”
Che ciy arose, first low, tremulous, as
from a sea of tears, then deepened and
swelled into a great miserere going up
before the throne of the Eternal Spirit.
It crossed the ocean and vibrated over
the sentient heart-strings of all those
who heard, for it told them that the
“Jewel of the Atlantic ” was holdingout
imploring hands, and praying for life—
that over the beautiful island stalked the
grim skeleton of famine, converting it
into a vast wane-press, though the crim
son, oozing fluid was not wine, but blood,
from those who are among the noblest of
the sons of earth.
“ Starving!” We who live in a laud of
plenty with its immense storehouses, its
great granaries filled to overflowing with
golden grain, hardly know the meaning
of the word, and "God grant that the
hunger wolf may never step over our
thresholds—that we may never be ob
liged to refuse the demands of hunger
till it scorches, withers even the great
passions of life by sts incessant calls foi
food.
And famine forgot not the home of the
Clarys. The rounded form of Aileen
grew thin and wasted; besides a gray
pallor her face had a wan, pinched look;
the lips, always so brilliant and laugh
ing, became rigid and ashen lined, and
every feature bore the trace of intense
suffering, but not a word escaped her,
tor the pain of witnessing the agony of
her parents as they saw their children
wasting to skeletons, as they beheld the
younger children, begging vainly, mute
ly, with little, chaw-like hands for food
that they had no strength to ask for,
numbed even the pangs of hunger.
Then, in those days of wretchedness
and woe, came anew trial of the brave
hearfed girl She never forgot the thrill
of terror that caused her heart to beat
with groat frightened bounds, as she be
held the dark face of the agent in the
doorway one cold morning. He came
into the cold room, laughed triumph
antly at the evidences of want about
him, took a cool survey of the face over
which settled a shadow of fear, and said
in a sneering tone:
“So, my deer Aileen, you haven’t
slipped out of my hands as easy as you
thought for.”
Then he taunted the family with their
poverty—goaded her father almost to
frenzy by threatening to turn his starv
ing family out in the snow to die. At
last he said, tantaliziugly:
“ Keep your temper, Mr. Clary! I
merely called to tell you of a way by
which your family could be lifted above
want. ”
“How?” eagerly, imploringly asked
Clary.
“ I will provide a way if Miss Aileen
wall consent to become my wife,” and
his eyes rested gloatingly on the shud
dering girl
He said it in a loud tone and at the
conclusion of the sentence every mem
ber of the family turned an eager, fam
ishing look upon Aileen. She could not
bear their intolerable gaze, and with a
slight cry she threw up her hands and
covered her face. But she said, firmly:
“No no; I cannot be so false.”
Not another word w r as said until the
agent, laughing scornfully, left the cot
tage. He knew that the faces and forms
about Aileen would be more eloquent in
his behalf than any plea or threat that
he could make.
“Aileen,” groaned her father, “is
your heart turning to stone ? Have you
no compassion on those who are dying?”
“ Aileen,” moaned her mother, “how
could you say no, when you see the chil
dren starving before your eyes ? ” and
a feeble cry arose from the children that
went to the very heart-core of the suffer
ing true-hearted Aileen. She arose,
crossed the floor unsteadily and opened
the door, A woman staggered up bear
ing a babe in her arms.
“ Bread ! ” she gasped, “ my child and
I are dying, dying for food.”
The despairing look in Aileen’s face
told the woman that her prayer could
not be answered. The woman gave a
cry of anguish.
“ Oh, girl you cannot let my baby die !
See how pale and thin he is.’ ;
Aileen started back m horror as a lit
tle dead face was placed close to hers,
and then for the first time she noticed
that the fires of insanity blazed in the
woman’s hollow eyes. The poor crea
ture turned and staggered off, leaving
Aileen to make a resolve that she imme
diately carried out.
She left he cottage and started in the
direction of the house in which the
agent lived. She walked slowly, for
aside from a hunger-weakness a sicken
ing agony sped through every pulse, and
her very limbs seemed chilled with an
guish. She reached the house at last
and rapped feebly. A servant admitted
I her and led the way into the agent’s sit
ting-room. An evil leer disfigured the
face of Morris Leinster, as he said:
“ Ah! how do you do, my dear ? Will
you please be seated?”
Aik u dropped into a chair without a
word. Her torture was too intense for
words at the first moment.
At last, through bps that quivered
painfully, came the faiutly uttered
words:
“ Mr. Leinster I have called to inform
! you that—that I have changed my de
cision. I consent to become your wife
; if you will keep my family from starv
ing.”
How utterly dreary and despairing
was the pathos of her voice! but Morris
Lemster did not mind her, but smiling
I said:
“ Very well, Aileen! I will bring a
' priest over to your house this afternoon
Ito perform the ceremony. Good-bye
, for a very little time, my dear little wife
| to be.”
He put his arm around the shrinking
girl and drew her toward him. Aileen
saw the horrible light in his eyes as he
| bent his head toward her, and with a
i scream she dashed his arm away and
left the house. Lenister stood before
I the window and watched Aileen till her
flagging steps told him that her mo
i mentary strength had departed, and
then he turned away, rubbing his hands
I and chuckling to himself.
“ It is of as much use to beat against
I the bars of fate as it is to thwart one of
my plans. Ah! my dainty Aileen, your
discipline has just begun.”
Aileen went on, unheeding whither
she went. She only longed to get away
I from even the signt of the house in
: which she had spent fifteen wretched
moments. On, on, until her strength
utterly failed, and it seenud as if she
never could reach her home. But at last
she reached it and told her family what
she bad done. Their fervent thanks fell
upon ears that heard nothing.
“Oh, Neil! Neil!” was Aileen’s smoth
ered cry. “What can I do? I hate
Morris Leinster, I loathe even the very
sight of him, and how can I endure to
become his wife ?” But a knowledge
that an eternal break down would be
agonizing to the whole family prevented
her from giving expression to the inward
anguish that was torturing her with in
quisitorial pain.
Quickly, oh, so quickly, the hours
sped away. She counted every moment
as a miser counts his gold. But she
knew that Morris Leinster would keep
his w r ord, and she was not unprepared
when the agent and a strange priest en
tered the cottage. Her father greeted
them, and then turned toward Aileen.
Mechanically she arose and placed an ice
cold hand on the agent’s.
Slowly the ceremony began. Why
did Aileen neglect to answer the ques
tions of the priest ? She bent toward
the door in a listening attitude, then
snatching away her hand, she disappear
ed through the door, for astonishment
sealed her lips. They were not less
amazed to see a bronzed and bearded man
enter the still open door, carrying in his
arms a senseless burden. Neil O’Neale’s
quick wit gave a solution to the scene
that met his eyes. He pointed to the
door, and his eyes gleamed like blue
stilettoe, as he said in a stern imperative
tone, “ Go, and bear in mind that if you
cross the pathway of Aileen Clary again
you take your life in your hands.” Foil
ed, the cowering agent slunk aw ay. The
priest, at a motion of Neale’s, remained.
Soon Aileen had so far recovered as to
be able to place the no longer reluctant
hand in Neal’s, and say the words that
bound her to him forever.
If blessings could make a man happy,
surely Neal O’Neale must have been the
happiest man in Ireland, as he distributed
w ith generous hand among the starving
people of the little village, the bountiful
supply that his forethought had provided.
Before the Clary family separated
that night Neil told them wiiy he had
come back before the two years had ex
pired.
“I arrived all right in America and
found every one talking about some won
derful mines that had lately been dis
covered, and I joined a party that was
going to the Black Hills. Well, to make
long story short luck followed me and I
had a snug sum when I started for New
York. There I heard that Ireland was
in sorrow anil I sailed as soon as possi
ble for the “ ould countrie.” Soon Neil
and the Clary family emigrated for
America, but the last words they heard,
as they left the shores of Ireland, was
the wail that still crosses the ocean,
“Bread! Bread! We are starving!”
DOMESTIC MATTERS.
NICE INDIAN GRIDDLE CAKES.
One and a half cupfuls flour, one and
a half cupfuls Indian meal, one egg, one
small pint sour milk, half a teaspoonful
soda.
BUTTERED EGOS.
Four eggs w’ell beaten, three table
spoonfuls cream or milk, a little grated
tongue or beef, pepper and salt, three
ounces of butter; put into a stew pan un
til quite hot, then add the eggs, stir all
the time until quite thick. Have a slice
of bread ready, toasted and buttered,
spread the mixture upon it, and send it
to table very hot.
VIRGINIA BISCUIT.
One quart flour, one half teaspoonril
salt, one-quarter pound butter; mix the
flour and butter, with the hand, togeth
er, and moisten with water; roll it out
very thin three times, and beat with the
rolling pin each time; roll as thin as a
piece of paper; cut with a saucer and
bake in sheets. These are particularly
nice for lunch.
ENGLISH ARROW-ROOT BLANC MANGE.
Mix a teacupful of arrow-root with a
little cold milk, mb it smooth; boil a
pint of milk with 10 sweet and 4 bitter
almonds, having pounded them smooth
first, and having blanched them; sweeten
this milk to taste with pulverized sugar;
strain carefully; then pour this milk
gradually into the arrow-root, stirring
all the time; boil for five minutes, and
pour into a mold to cool.
POTATO PUDDING.
Beat well together II ounces mashed
potatoes, 4 ounces of butter, 4 ounces of
line sugar, five eggs, and the grated rind
of 1 small lemon; a pinch of salt, add
one-half glass of brandy; pour it in a
mold or dish well greased, and bake it.
Be careful to mash the potatoes as
smooth as possible, and adding a little
butter at first helps to make them
smooth.
BEEF CAKES.
Take some cold roast beef, that wddeh
is underdone is best, and mince it very
fine; mix with it grated bread crumbs
and a little chopped onion and parsley;
season it with pepper and salt, and
moisten it with some beef dripping and
walnut sauce; some scraped cold tongue
or grated ham will be found an improve
| ment; form it into broad flat cakes, and
I spread a layer of mashed potatoes thinly
on top and bottom of each; lay a small
I bit of butter on the top of each cake;
place them on a dish and set them in an
oven to brown.
SNOW PUDDING.
One-half box gelatine, pour warm
water on it enough to cover it, and let it
stand about three minutes, then add one
pint boiling water to dissolve it; add the
juice of one lemon, two cups sugar; let
it stand and cool; beat the whites of
I three eggs to a stiff froth and add to the
j gelatine, beating all one hour; put in
I mold; make the custard of the yolks;
| when taken from the mold, pour the cus
: tard around it, or, if you choose, you
I can trim with jelly.
I FRESH HERRINGS WITH BROWNED BUTTER.
Put them in a fish-kettle with just
j enough cold water to cover them, put in
; salt, pepper, carrots, onions, cloves,
parsley, thyme, a bay leaf, and a tum
• bier of vinegar, cover the fish with a
| cover that will fit into the kettle so as to
i keep the fish covered with the water;
I let it heat until just about to boil up
I well; let it remain in the water until you
| can bear your fingers in it. Place the
fish on a platter sprinkled with salt and
pepper; brown some butter, putting
some chopped parsley in it, and heating
a tablespoonful of vinegar, pour over it
To be served hot.
Sunday is the golden clasp that binds
the volume of the week.
SEASONABLE FARM HINTS.
In selecting turf for use around beds
and along walks, etc., see that no unwel
come weeds are thereby introduced. The
foundation for the turf should be as care
fully prepared as for seed.
A solid foundation is the only surety
for a good walk or drive; and to secure
this, use large stones for the bottom, be
gin below the reach of frost, and smaller
ones near the surface. A walk or drive
that is cheap in the beginning will al
ways be unsatisfactory and dear in the
end.
For keeping up the freshness and
vigor of the lawn, a spring dressing
should be given, either of ashes, guano,
fine bone, nitrate of soda, or a rich and
thoroughly fine compost. Sow grass
seed on any bare spots. .In planting or
namental trees, grouping, rather than
formal planting or setting in row's, is to
be encouraged, so far as the nature and
size of the grounds will permit it to be
done.
Directly after the sow has her young
ones she must be fed with house slops,
containing scraps of meat, or it is very
probable when her family is small her
natural yearning for meat will cause her
to begin to eat them, and then farewell to
all hope of profit. This yearning for meat
is caused by by confining the mother’s
diet altogether to heating com or other
dry food. If the sow has house slops
and milk she will never be so likely to
eat her young.
The bearing peach tree cannot be
cultivated too often. The soil must at
all times be kept loose. Cultivation can
be kept up until the fruit is ripe. The
new growth of wood in a bearing tree
ceases to grow early in the season; and
there is no danger in stimulating a late
growth, for the fruit consumes all the
extra sap caused by cultivation. Stir
ring the soil should be thoroughly kept
up, so that any time, between the setting
of the fruit and its being picked, ;you
can run your hand right into the soil and
fill it with loose dirt.
The pernicious and miserable habit of
caving fowls to forage for themselves
we have always condemned; and the
other equally indiscreet habit of half
feeding or supplying but scanty allow
ance to poultry is quite as objectionable
and alike deserving of discouragement.
Give the chickens a good, w r arm house;
keep it clean. Let them have good,
clean food and water, and then you can
rest assured you have done your duty,
and they will do theirs with interest
added. — American Stockman.
In answer to questions as to the best
time and manner of sowing salt, as also
the proper quantity to use, the following
answers are given: The best time to
sow salt is in the spring; and it ought to
be the first thing done on either fall or
spring plowing, as all the after-stirring
of the land assists in its equal distribu
tion through the soil. The best and
easiest method of sowing salt, in the
absence of a machine for that purpose,
is to sow' it out from the rear end of a
wagon —the sower using both hands,
while the team is moving at a slow walk;
in this way, thirty to forty acres can be
sowed in one day. The quantity used
may be from 150 to 300 pounds per acre;
but the greater quantity is the better.—
Prairie Farmer.
Now that Alsike clover seed has be
come comparatively plenty and cheap, it
is common to sow from three to five
bushels to the acre. It should be sown
quite early in the spring and covered
very lightly. A pound of seed to the
acre may be sow’n to excellent advantage
on land seeded to timothy and red clover
two or three years previous. The red
clover generally disappears at the end of
three years, and Alsike may be made to
take its place with little trouble. Before
setting apart a field to pasture animals it
is well to sow Alsike clover seed on the
sod and to scratch it in with a light har
row. No beekeeper can afford to be
without a patch of this valuable honey
plant. Alsike clover is ornamental as
well as useful. Sown on the banks of a
stream, along the sides of fences and
roads, and on hills and knolls, it pre
sents a beautiful appearance.
C. T. Alvord contributes the follow
ing to the American Cultivator in re
gard to his method of feeding lambs:
“As soon as they had got to eating hay
well, I commenced giving them Swedish
or rutabaga turnips, cut fine, once a day.
After they would eat turnips well I
commenced giving them a little
com once a day, and after that I grad
ually increased the feed of turnips and
com from week to week, as they would
bear it, being careful to give them no
more at a time than they would eat up
clean. The same rule was also observed
in feeding them hay, only rowen hay
being fed to them. They were fed with
hay the first thing in the morning, and
after they had eaten their hay the tur
nips were fed. At noon they were again
fed with hay. At night they were fed
with com, and, after that hay was given
them again. They had access to water
once a day, and were given salt once a
week.
Very few plants produce as much or
as valuable food as red clover. It makes
excellent hay, although it is more diffi
cult to cure than the common grasses.
Hogs will‘not do well on grass, but they
will thrive in a clover pasture. They
will even eat large quantities of clover
after it is cured. The cheapest way to
cure hogs during the summer is to give
them the run of a clover pasture well
supplied with water. Clover produces a
large amount of milk which has a pleas
ant aroma. Sheep are very fond of
clover, either in the green or dried state.
Clover affords in this region excellent
pasturage for all kinds of stock late in
the season. Many of the grasses that
produce much food in the early part of
the season afford very little after the
drought that ordinarily prevails during
August. Clover, however, takes a “ sec
ond start,” and grows very rapidly on
the occasion of the first considerable
rainfall.
On warm days the boxes of plants
should be carried out of doors, where
they will get more air and be gradually
hardened or accustomed to the change
which they will undergo when set out in
the garden. Many persons fail to raise
stocky and healthy plants in this way,
because they sow the seed too quickly
and then neglect, to transplant the
seedlings when young. As soon as toma
to plants are an inch or two high, they
should be transplanted from the boxes
in which the seed was sown into others
provided for the purpose, and in doing
this allow sufficient space to permit a
good stocky growth. The boxes may
not be more than three or four inches
deep, and of a size convenient to handle
or set on the window sill. It is also a
good plan to pinch off the top leaves of
the plants when three or four inches
high, as this will make them throw out
side branches, and prevent their be
coming too tall and slender. —New York
Sun.
How often have we suggested to those
having sufficient ground for a garden,
and especially farmers, to pay increased
attention to this important appendage of
family comfort. Farmers, as a rule, are
entirely too careless about their gardens,
their whole minds being placed upon
their field crops, etc. The women would
in most cases be competent and gladly
willing to take charge of a large portion
of the labor necessary to the proper cul
tivation of the garden, if the men would
prepare the ground to their hands. In
deed, it is a fact that those who pursue
the cultivation of the soil as their busi
ness, rarely enjoy garden product in per
fection, just because they appear to in
sist upon the error that they don’t pay.
Now is the time to think about how the
garden can be enlarged and the number
and quantity of the crops increased. The
stuff can also be got ready for the addi
tional fence, and the fence itself ere -ted
as soon as the weather will permit. The
little hot beds in which to raise your
tomato, cabbage plants and egg plants,
should now be repaired and got ready for
sowing the seed as soon as the time
arrives. One thing must be remem
bered that there should be no sparing of
the underlying stratum of horse manure
in preparing the beds.— Germantown
Telegraph.
The best fertilizer to use in setting
fruit trees of all kinds is partially or
thoroughly decomposed chip dirt. We
made use of the material for the first
time some twenty years ago in planting
an apple orchard, and it was a wonder to
those not in the secret what caused the
trees to make such a fine growth the first
season, and afterwards, too, for that
matter. This experiment was so satis
factory that when we set our new or
chard we made a liberal use of tins
material, with the same satisfactory re
sult. These trials hove proved to our
satisfaction that chip dirt is the very
best material to mix in the soil as you
plant the tree that can be possibly be
used, for the reason that it holds
moisture, and is full of the elements of
plant food; therefore, it promotes a most
luxuriant, natural and healthy growth.
Repeated trials have satisfied me that a
tree is not only more sure to live, but
will make double the growth the first
year (especially if a dry season) if some
two bushels of chip dirt are properly
used in its setting, than it would without
it. A single trial will convince the most
skeptical that the best possible use that
can be made of this valuable material is
to apply it to the soil in planting trees
in order to push forward the tree during
the first precarious stages of its growth.
—Correspondent New England Home
stead.
The laud intended for tobacco beds
should be well cleared of rubbish and
thoroughly burned over, to destroy w T eeds
and insects that may be dorm ant in it.
The soil should be rich and friable, and
have a southern exposure to secure the
advantage of the direct rays of the sun
in stimulating germination of seed and
growth of plant. Thorough pulveriza
tion of the ground is of prime importance
—a point that does not seem to be fully
appreciated by some planters. The more
finely the earth is comminuted the bet
ter it will be, for on this largely depends
the germination of seed. In regard to
the quantity of seed to a given piece of
ground there is a difference of opinion,
but provided the seed is good, the prac
tice of some of the most experienced
planters is to sow not more than a table
spoonful to 100 square yards. The size
of tobacco seeds is almost infinitesimal,
and in order to secure an even distribu
tion, the seed are usually mixed with fine
sand and ashes, then sown and cross
sown over the bed, and the ground well
packed with a board or the back of a
hoe. In any case the soil should be left
smooth and solid.
A Monkey Pulls a Tooth.
[From the Galt (Ont.) Reformer,]
We invite the attention of Mr. Darwin
to the following very singular anecdote
regarding the monkey: “ Dot,” belong
ing to James Wardlaw of this town, as
so peculiar an illustration of the inge
nuity of the monkey has rarely if ever
been recorded. The monkey was brought
to Galt from Decan, India, in the fall of
1878 by Mr. Wardlaw, who had been re
siding in Hyderabad for several years.
It fairly eclipsed itself on Sunday before
last. The little creature had been suffer
ing from toothache for several days and
evidently suffered severely. On Sunday
the pain was more than ordinarily se
vere, and the monkey, like its human
type, resolved at last to undergo a dent
al operation. But the dentist, strange
to say, was itself. “ Dot,” found a
string, fastened it around the aching
tooth, seized the end of the string with
its fore feet, drew up one of its hind
legs between his fore feet, and gave a
sudden shove w T hich jerked the tooth out
and sent it flying half way across the
room. This having been accomplished,
the monkey was at ease and resumed
its natural cheerfulness and amiability.
Cheap Enough.
A rather amusing incident is told as
having occurred recently at a church in
Connecticut, not many miles from Fair
field. The clergyman would appear, de
sired to call the attention of his congre
gation to the fact that it being the last
Sunday in the month he would adminis
ter the rite of baptism to children.
Previous to his having entered the pulpit
he had received from one of the elders,
who, by the way, was quite deaf, a no
tice to the effect that as the children
would be present that afternoon, and he
had the new Sunday-school books ready
for distribution, he would have them
there to sell to all who desired them.
After the sermon the clergyman began
the notice of the baptismal service, thus:
“All of those having children and desir
ing to have them baptized will bring
them this afternoon. ” At this point the
deaf elder, hearing the mention of chil
dren, supposed it was something in refer
ence to his books, and, rising, said:
“And all of those having none, and de
siring them, will be supplied by me for
the sum of 25 cents.”
THE TELEGRAPH AND TELEPHONE.
BY C. P. CKANCH.
Fleeter than time, acroEH the continent.
Through imnunned ocean deaths, from beach to
beach.
Around the rolling globe Thoughts’ couriers reach.
The new-tuned earth, like sonic vast instrument,
Tingles fiom zone to zone; for Art has lent
New nerves, new pulse, new motion—all to each
And each to all in swift electric speech
Bound by a force unwearied and unspent.
Now lone Katahdin talks with Cauca-us,
The Arctic ice-iields with the sultry South;
The sun-bathed palm thrills to the pine-tree’s call.
We for all realms were made, and they for us.
For all there is a Foul, an car, a mouth;
And Time and Space are nought. The Mind is all.
— Atlantic.
FUNNYGRAPHS.
Where there’s a will there’s a wont. —
Puck.
A grate humbug—turnip disguised as
horse radish.
A tramp called his shoes * ‘ corpora
tions,” because they had no soles.
Voters should remember that the big
gist poll knocks the most persimmons.—
Yonkers Statesman.
A familiar instance of color-blindnes
is that ot a man taking a brown silk um
brella and leaving a green gingham in its
place.
A familiar instance of color-blindness
is that of a man taking a brown silk um
brella and leaving a green gingham in its
place.
It is said that when Gen, Sherman
goes to a ball he kisses all the misses and
never misses a kiss. Or words to that
effect.
The man with the shabby overcoat is
the first to complain of the heat of the
northward soaring sun.— Boston Tran
script.
“What on earth takes you off to the
stable so early every morning lately ? ”
asked a woman of her husband. ‘ * Curry
hossity.”
You can always tell a clerk in a dry
goods store from the millionaire pro
prietor, by the good clothes the clerk
wears.— Steubenville Herald.
When the big elephants heard that a
baby elephant had been bom unto Phil
delphia, they all went off on a big trunk,
—Commercial Advertiser.
Trying to do business without ad
vertising is like winking at a girl in the
dark. You may know what you are do
ing, but nobody else does.
We suggest that everybody drop the
discussiou of the Gem puzzle and try
and find out why base viol players are
always fat.— Bridgeport Sentinel.
“Don’t be afraid,” said a snob to a
German laborer; “sit down and make
yourself my equal.” “Iwouldhaffto
plow my prams out,” was the reply of
the Teuton.
“Sophomore” —The gentleman you
refer to—George Washington—may have
been a great man, but we fail to find any
race-horse named after him, which is the
test of popular esteem out west.
The expression of a boys face at the
end of a straw that lacks two inches of
reaching the cider in the barrel is sup
posed to be the model that the artist
selected in the delineation of Adam
leaving Paradise.— Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
“So you call it a charity ball, do
you?” said the old gentleman, nodding
his head towards a lady whose corsage
was particularly brief. “ Well, it re
quires a good deal of charity to excuse
their style of dressing.”— New York
World.
A Boston man went into a millinery
store in Atlanta and asked for a night
shirt, and when he got back to his hotel
one eye was closed, two of his teeth
gone, and his hair looked like the stuff
ing of an old chair. — Detroit Free
Press.
A French physician has published a
pamphlet showing the terrible “ effects
of smoking on the heart.” But we have
known more terrible effects to be pro
duced on the heart m five minutes by
a little maiden in a calico dress than by
twenty years of steady and uutiring devo
tion to the weed.— Commercial Ad
vertiser.
Astronomers say that the planet Nep
tune is so far from the earth that if Adam
and Eve had from the first day of their
existence started on a railroad train and
traveled steadily, day and night, at the
rate of thirty miles an hour, toward
Neptune, they would by this time have
traversed only a little more than half the
distance to the vaporous orb. The hu
man race is. therefore, to be congratu
lated upon the fact that Adam and Eve
did not undertake any such foolish trip.
—Rome Sentinel.
A somewhat dignified resident of Vir
ginia City entered a barber-shop, which
was full of men, and the boas barber
greeted him with; “Hullo, Charley.”
“ I always like to come in here,” said
the dignified res dent, blandly; “ there’s
only one person in the city who calls me
‘ Charley ’ besides yourself, and i hat’s
my wife. If you’d only call me * dear
Charley,’ now, it would make me feel
even more at home. I don’t happen to
know your first name, my friend, but it’s
real kind of you to call me by mine.”
The barber said no mere.
The inscrutable beings known as
“ boys,’’says the Hour, are proverbially
more quick-witted than men in getting
out of a scrape. A lad was being cate
chized by his pastor, and had the ques
tion put to him as to the number of
things necessary in the rite of baptism.
He replied, “Three.” “Stupid boy!”
exclaims the holy man, “everybody
knows that there arc only two—the
Prayer Book and the water. What do
you mean by three?” The boy’s prompt
answer came in the form of the question;
“And how about the baby?”
A drama in Real Life: Scene, Smok
ing room of the Rally Club. Time,
midnight. Dramatis Personae: Brown
and Robinson. Brown (a happy bach
elor): “Wai-taw! Another of those six
penny cigars, and just one more—as
before, you know. * * Yes, Robin
sou, as I was saying, a truly shocking
state of affairs that over in Russia.
Terrible fellows, those Nihilists. The
poor czar, why, it’s bad enough to be
shot at in the street, but, by Jove, you
know, things are coming to a pretty pass
when one is blown up in one’s own
house!” Robinson (a much married
man): “Ah, my dear fellow (looks a
his watch; sighs; rises and prepares to
depart home). The Czar of Ru ssia is not
the only man who is blown up in his own
houser (Sighs again, exit. Curtain.) —
Judy.

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