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Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, July 17, 1879, Image 1

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KuT Tw loUnrs to one year, mta
nably in apffiree, Two Ioilars nnd
riftjr Cents if pajmeatbe deferred three
OiontLi. AH papers going out of the countj
v be paid for in advance. - ,
. JtQ"" Single copiea, Fire Cents etch.
Advertising Itwtes.
One inch.....$ 75 Fourth column. $4 00
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Advertisements inserted atOne Dol
lar per S(unre of Ten Liues or less for the
first insertion ; Fifty Cents for each contin
uance. girLocal nd Special Notices,
Twenty Cents ier line.
f'2? Obituaries and calls on candidates
Filly Cents per pquare. . .
l-jj- The privilege of yearlj advertisers
isslrictly limited to their own immediate
andrtp'ular buinens; and Uie business of
an dvertibin firm is not considered as in
e luding that or the individual members.
X deviation from these terms under
amy circumstance.
Adverlisemts not marked with the
number of insertion when handed in, will
Le continued until ordered out, and pay
ment exacted. .. ."
j3Xo advertisements inserted gratui
ouslj , .
ji-gr Advettisemenfs of nn abusive na
ture will ot be inserted at any price.
ttif Announcing candidates Connty,
Five Dollars Congressional, Senatorial, or
Judicial, Ten Dollars to be paid in ad
vance. Cburcli Directory.
riesbytorisn, "Fsyettcville no regular
Berviccs; Sunday school at 8 a m.
Mctl'olist services every Sabbath at
10:30 and at night; Kev G V Jackson, pastor;
tJunday school at 3 o'clock.
Cumberland IYesbvlerian services ev
ery Sabbath' 10:30 and at nij:ht; Uev W G
Ti'mpleton,pastor;aundiy t-chool 8 o'clock.
Union Church, i'leaKiint Fitting service a
1st Sabbath each month at 11 and night by
the Methodists, Kov V BLowej, preacher
in charge 2nd and 41 h Sabbath each month
at 11 by the Associate Informed Presbyteri
ans, Ucv J 1J Muse, pastor. Mtthodist Sun
day school at
A RFresbvrian, New Hope services 1st
and 3rd Sabbaths !a 11; Bethel, 2nd and
4th Sabbaths at 11 Rev A S Sloan, pastor.
MediodUl, Mulberry services 3rd Sun
day in each month at 11 o'clock and every
Sunday night; Rev VJ Collier, pastor; Sun
dar School at 'J.
liaptiiit.ijulberry services lRt Sabbath
in each month at 11 Rev Wm Huff. astor.
Cumber'.and rrcsbyteiinii, Mulberry
icrvices it Sabbath in each month at 11
and night; Rev Jas Campbell, pastor.
United Frcbbytcrian, Lincoln services
every Sabbath at 11:15 a m; Rev David
hlrau pastor; Sundiiy school at 10.
Methodist, Shady Grove, (Shclton's
crceU) sol vice 1st Sabbath in ea;h month
at 11 o'clock; Rev J. Fails, preacher inch
Liberty Grove services 2nd Sabbath at
11 a m; Rev W A Gill, pn-acler in charge.
Cumberland Presbyterian, Oak Grove,
near Flyntvillc) services 4'.h Sabbath in
each month at 11 o'clock; Rev A W Suth
erlend. supply. .
Methodist, Oak 1111 services 4th Sab
liith each month at 10 o'clock.
Methodist services 2nd Sabbath at 10 A
t; Rev W Lowery, P C.
rumberland Presbyterian, Oak Hill, Rev
J B Tigert,44istor.
Frospeet, Wells' bill, Satmdny bufore 2d
Sunday, etch month, Re? B T King, pnstor.
Uester'a Creek, Saturday beloie 4th Sun
day, each mouth, Rev B T King, pastor.
Mothodisi, Flyntviile services 4.h Sub
Vath at 10:30 a.m; Mt. lIermon, Flmtville
circuit, seiviccs 1st Sabbath at 10:30 a m ;
Macedonia, Fliutvillo circuit, services 3rd
fciabbalh at 10:30 a m Rev W 11 Anthony,
preacher in charge.
Missionary Baptist, 1 orris Creek, (Buck
eye) services 4lh Saturday and Sunday in
ach month; Rev G W Dolby, pastor.
Union, 1st Sunday; Providence, 2nd; Lib
erty Giove, 3rd; Oak URL 4th; Rev WT
Gill, preacher in charge.
Shiloh.Methodist, near Millville preach
ing on 2nd Sunday in each month at 3 r.
M.,and ou Saturday at 11 a. mm blore the
2nd and ilh Sunday, Rev S M Cherry, pastor
Alail Directory.
Tayctteville lost-Ofllco.
Railroad leaves every day except Sun
day at 8:45 a.m.; arrive at 5:40 r.u. Supplies
the following offices: Kelso, Lincoln, flynt
villc, Oregon, George's Store, Klora, Hunt's
Station, Saletn, Winchester and Decherd.
Shclbyville stage arrives Monday, Wed
nesday and Friday at 11 A. M.; leaves same
days at 2 v. M. Supplies Mulberry, Lynch
burg, Booneville, County Line, Shtlbyvillo.
lluntsville Ftage leaves Monday and
Thursday at 8 a. u.; arrives Tuesday and
Friday at 5 r. m. Supplies Goshen, iiazlo
Green, Meridianville and Huntsvillc.
Shclbyville hack leaves Mondays and
Thursdays at 8 A. M.; arrives Tuesday and
Friday at R P. U. Supplies Nonis Creek,
Chestnut Ridge.lla thorno and Shclbyville.
Pulaski lors- arrives every Saturday at
11:30a j L ares same dy a. 12:.0. Supplies
Cyruston, Millville, Fisgah, Bradshaw and
Blanche horse leaves every Tuesday and
Friday at t a. m.; arrives Wednesday and
Haturday at 3 u. Supplies Camargo, Mo
lino, Cold Water, Blanche.
Boon lliil horse arrives every Satur
day at 12 , h avciisaiue day at 1 r m.
iVtcrt-burg horse ieaves Saturday at 3 A
m; arrive at 5 r M sauio day. Supplies
Benfiotv Station and Petersburg.
Money Orders can be o'da n d at this of
fice upon post offices in all parts ef the U
liited States. A list of Money Order offices
may be seen tm application. lUtes of com
mission for Money Oidcrs are as follows:
Kot exceeding 13 10 cents
Over 15 and not exceeding 130.... 15 do
do 30 do do 40.... 20 do
do 40 do do 50 25 do
. , W. B. DOUTUAT. I. M.
X. V. Carter, County Judge.
A. S. Fulton; Cerk Chancery CourL
W.C. Vorgnn, do Circuit do
V. 0. Boyce, do C-uuty . do .
B. T. Uulland, Kheriff.
O. W.Couiita, W. A. Millard, W. A. Cun
iimglmin. Deputy-SherilT. - m'
Henry Her.deraon, Trustee.
B. B. Th inpi'ii, Register. :
J. II. C. Durt", C.unty-Surveyor. , '
T. d. Rive. Sup't of Public Schaola..
.1. B. Morjran, Coroner.
JJ O. Wallace, Ranger.
Established December
Robbers Who Ply Their Trade cn
; the Verge of the Grave-A Dead
Man That Helped to .Eob His
Friends. '
A man who depends for his
living on what he can steal, is
not, of course, to be expected, to
exhibit any very violent rever
ence lor anybody or anything,
living or dca'd. , JStill one would
fancy that the pickpocket and
sneak-thief would halt in ; -their
nefarious calling a little this side
of the grave. If the most prom
inent undertaker in Xew York
is goou autiionty, nowever, wc;tectivc Paley. "The fact of his
may neneve mat me nguwin
gered brotherhood are ne'ver hap
pier than at a funeral.
"In fact," said the undertaker
alluded to, to the Dispatch re
porter last week, "it's one of the
biggest roasts they have, and the
Lord only knows how far it will
go yet. Last week they got a
ring olf thetfingcr of a customer
of mine."
"Without liis knowing it?"
"To be sure. Wasn't he dead
and in his coffin?"
"Do you mean to say that they
stole a ring from the linger of a
corpse?" .
1 W " tl i.Al - a"'l
"1 do. And what is more, I
was perfectly contented that they
did not steal the silver plates olf
of the coffin, too. My dear sir,
if you ever die, and if 3ou have
enough respect for yourself to
Want to be buried with any jew
elry on, you had better die and
be buried out of Kew York.
The funeral thieves have gone so
far hero that the undertakers
thank them for not stealing the
corpse from them. StilTs are not
bringing much in the dissecting-
rooms now, or I believe we wow Id
have to plant empty coffins.
Why, . three weeks ago I was
called upon to bury a young
Frenchman from a hotel. He
had committed suicide in a fit
of despondency. I had him
dressed up in a splendid white
satin-lmcd dress-suit I found a
mong his effects, and after laying
him out, left a man in charge of
the body and went about my
business.- Next morning, when
I arrived at the hotel, I found my
corpse in the coffin stark naked.
My watchman had left the room
for a few minutes, and in that
time the thieves had made a raid
on it, and stripped even the dead
man. Only think. The . dress
suit has been sold, of course.
Now, then, just imagine some
one dancing at a swell ball in
those 6amc garments that have
clung about the clammy anato
my of a corpse." '
The profession of the funeral
thief, the Dispatch representative
learned, has long been a distinct
branch of thieving. It took its
rise out of the custom prevalent
twenty years ago of giving pub
lic funerals. In those days the
end of all earthly ambition was a
big funeral, and when a man
died his relatives advertised his
demise, and kept open house for
all who chose to call and view
the corpse. When the. burial
day came they provided vehicles
to carry everybody to the cem
etery who wanted to go. Scores
of strangers used to attend these
funerals, very much after the
same fashion as they would have
gone to a circus, enjoying a free
ride and gossiping scandal, and
the funeral thief found a fertile
field of gain among them.
The business soon developed
into a real line art. lne thieves
got to watching the papers for
funerals, and their presence at a
burying became as regular a fact
as the presence of the corpse it
self They formed an organized
band, composed of men and wo-
men, wno matie a regular ousi
ncss of frequenting funerals and
heir lawless skill on
mourners, lliey diu little else,
confining their labors to this sjx?-
cial held, fccarccly a funeral
escaped them, whether it took
place from a down-town tene
ment or Fifth avenue mansion.
At first they limited their dep
redations to the pockets of their
victims. ,. Every funeral used to
be followed by long, strings of
advertisements in the 'papers of
fering if wards, and no questions
asked;. for the return of stolen
articles. Little, 'by little the
scope of the funeral thief 's op
erations extended. lie-took to
stealing articles from the houses
and nan ways, uniu now scarcely
fill vi
any thing ixrtablc is safe from
him. There have been instances
known vhcrc the room in ,-which
a corpse lay oii:vicw; Ayas actu -
ally stripped of '.every article
worth carrying oil by these dep-
rcdators. At . tho fiuicral of
Gen. Dix, borne months ago, ten
cases of theft were reported.
Tho boldness of the thieves is
incredible. ,Thcy operate in the
mid&t of a crowded assemblage
as coolly ns if they were at work
at the most legitimate 'of tasks.
cry thing-, in short, worth
stealing-, vanishes before, ;them.
At tliei funeral of a well-lpiowrt
public official,4- some time itgo, a
large silver vase which had been
presented to the dead man 6tood
ill . a m a .
on a taoie at tnc lieaa 01 the col-
mi.! vlt' was; as ' big as a errial
sonb tureeii ; jet out of this rpom
crowded, with people and watch-
cu oy nan a tipzeai servants mi:
enmurous ornament was carnea
unobserved; ; r
"Everything 'facilitates the fu
neral thief 'a work." snid ex-De-
- - -
being. a stranger is not' noticed,
as there are always strangers,
acquaintances; of the dead folks,
whom no one else in the family
knew, and -who turn up to assist
at the burying.; lie; is. invariably
a man of good address, and, hav
ing informed, himself of some of
the dead person's characteristics,
is able to talk glibly of the "dear
departedjpoor soul. . The thieves
generally hunt in couples," man
and woman, though, of course,
without permitting their connec
tion to be known, lou know
what chattering magpies women
at funeral' are. -So you can irii
aginthow d quick-witted female
thief 'can0 amuse v arid' -interest
while she is robbincr them.
'Botl male nnd female funer
al thieves are provided with am
ple" room for stowing anything
away that they may steal. Their
coats and skirts arc perfect nets
of deep, vast pockets in whicli a
baby, could be put out of sight.
1 ; remember once that a very
costly silver-mounted family Bi
ble was lost lrcm a house ol
mourning. We found it, along
wiin a r renen ciock ana two an
tique Dresden vases, in the skirts
of Maggie. Poor, a well-known
thief. , The bible alone
fifteen pounds. ; '
"The most daring theft of this
kind that I ever saw perpetrated
was performed by Jerry bhank
lin, a once famous shoplifter and
sneak-thief, who died a year or
60 ago ot consumption on Ulacfc
wcll's Island. It was at the fu
neral of an old West India mer
chant, on Lexington avenue: I
was sent there li-om the station-
house, which I was at that time
attached, to keep a sharp look
out, as. a., large attendance of
wealthy people was expected.
"Among the guests I soon no
ticed a little old man, dressed in
black, and;, wearing green gog
glcs..llc;" Sccined " to know, eve
rybody, ' and , to be on the best
terms with all. r He' went tod
dling about, talking, to one and
another,' and occasionally taking
a glass of wine at the sideboard,
making himself as much nt home
as if the house belonged to him.
A servant said hi reply to my
query, "He's ah old friend of
master's, sir. Knowcd ; him in
the West Hinges, f That" there
is his wife, sir.'.. J . :
"The woman ho. pointed out
was an elderly, hard-featured fe
male in deep black, who was con
versing with a' number' of old
women in a corner."--A t the first1
glance I felt mr suspicions a
roused. I would have watched
thertld man all daj'. and never
have: doubted him; but there' was
something alxmt i the' . woman
which 4 excited my- mistrust at
once. :':u v ' : 1
"The old man spoke to her
several times, but only for a mo
ment ' 1 1 watched them . closely,
but could note no suspicious
movement on the part of either.
At last a gentleman wished to
see what time it was, and found
his watch gone. .
"I arrested the old man on the
spot. He pretended to be amaz
ed and highly indignant, and
many of the guests sided with
him. In order to silence them I
searched him and did not find
a single stolen article. A search
of his pretended wife resulted in
a similar . disappointment and I
had to release both.
" You can imagine the position
I was in, with the guests glower
ing at me and regarding me its a
blundering fraud, and the little1
old man blackguarding me for
outraging his feelingsl To make
matters worse several others now
discovered that they had been
robbcd,: and a general outcry" a
rose. ' ' . ; .
," It's a shame said my little
old friend, 'we're left at the mer-
;cy ol rohhers y
a blundering
himself a de-
booby who calls
tectivc, -end doesn't know the
I difference between a thief and
jan honest man. -I, for one, will
seek; 'safety in retiring. Come
along, my dear.
He and his wife went out. As
the woman 'passed the coffin I
saw her hand rest within it for
.it it i i
a moment, wiin ner uiacK snawi
trailing over it
It was only for I
a moment but it was enough fori
I5ilii :!85(t7: -'::tyFAYramLE,;; TIlESSI: THURSDAY, JULY 17, M VOL XXVI NO. 21.
all the ends thou aim'st at le
me. I jumped for the door.
lhe halt-way was emptr except
for "my two people. As they
clapped eyes on me both bounc
ed for the front door. But I was
too quick for them. I got him
by the throat, and, though she
fell on me like a tigress to aid
him, I held my own. When the
fight was over and both were se
cured, my little old man had be
come, by the loss of spectacles
and wig, a lusty young thief with
close-cropped hair, whom I rec
ognized at once as Jerry Slank,
as we called him. His woman
had all the plunder about her.
When the search had commenc
ed she had quietly dropped it in
to the coffin done up in a hand
kerchiefwhich she had found
time to wrap it in unobserved.
So the corpse was made to help
rob its friends.
"The growing rage for bric-a-
has m the last year or two
made every high-toned New
York parlor a sort of museum
of valuable pottery. These the
funeral thieves never leave be
hind. They are light and small
enough to be carried easily, while
they are almost as valuable as
jewelry, and quite as easy to
sell. In fact, however, there is
nothing stealable that he won't
freeze to.. . All is fish that comes
6 his net from a diamond ear-j
ring to a majolica : match box."j
The funeral thief has grown to
be so dangerous a menace to the
funeral of to-day that no cere
mony of that sort which is hke-
iy to attract any numoer 01 peo -
pie now comes off without being
under the surveillance 01 one or
more detectives.
"Only a couple of days ago,"
said Undertaker O'Donovan, "I
got $G0 for a funeral on the day
it came on. I went into a bar
room to get a drink, and found
my pockets empty, borne one
had gone through me, and not
only got the money I had just
received,but my watch and chain
and some 50 besides. I call
that ingratitude, now, seeing as
one to rob if it wasn't for us." .
For 3'ou and the corpse, axu
mean," remarked the reporter.
"That s where you make a
common mistake. People don't
go to a funeral to see the corpse.
They go to admire the undcrta-
A Strange Story.
A curious story is going the
round of the French papers.
Four years ago a tailor married
he daughter of an artillery
Colonel, and lived happily with
her lor a twelvemonth, at the
end of which period he went for
a few days to Belgium on busi
ness. On his return the wife
was nowhere to be found; but a
month later the tailor and his
liends recognized her (as they
imagined) in the corpse of a
young woman wno naa ucen
picked up at Auteuil, . unable
any longer to continue in Paris,
the tailor went to New York,
where two years afterward, he
married again. In the month
ol January the new couple came
o Pans, and rented an apart
ment in the Avenue Jfnedland.
Last Wednesday, as the tailor
was walking the Champs Jidy-
sees, he saw a lady who looked
marvelously like his first wife
driving in a handsome equipage,
and, hiring a cab, he followed
her to a hotel in the Avenue
D'Eylau. There an explanation
took place. It was. indeed the
first wife, who declared that
6he had been kidnapped and
kept in ignoble seclusion for
three months by a man whose
name she had never been able
to ascertain. When free, 6hc
had learned to her sorrow that
her husband had gone to Amer
ica, and not daring to return to
her relatives, she had entered a
d r e s s-maker's establishment,
and so on. Inquiries are now
being set on foot in order to dis
cover, if possible, who the kid
napper was.
A western bound emigrant
train was recently delayed two
hours and a half near Clark 8
.Station, Nevada, by an army of
crickets that had taken posses
sion of three miles of the rail
road. The driving wheels of
the engine, on striking the in
sects, would whirl around
without going forward an inch.
The train men were finally com
pelled to take brooms and sweep
the insects from the rails.
Mrs. C. D. Sweet of North
Bennington, 20 years old, has
obtained a divorce from her
husband, aged 70, after three
years of unhappy married life.
Oh, but this English is a pecu
liar language. We tise -dusters
to catch the dust, and dusters to
brush the dust away.
thy Country's, thy God's, and
Like a bell of blossom ringing:,
Clear and childish, shrill and sweet,
Floating to the porch's shadow,
With the fainter fall of feet,
Comes the answer softly backward,
Bidding tender watcher wait,
While the baby-qneen outruns her,
"Only going to the gate.
Through the moonlight, warm and scent
Love to beanty breathes a sigh,
Always to depart reluctant,
Loth to speak the words, good-by;
Then the same low echo answers,
Waiting love of older date,
And the maiden whispers softly,
"Only going to the gate."
Oh, these gates along oar pathway,
' What they bar outside and inl
With the vague outlook beyond them,
. Over waves we have not been.
How they stand before, behind nst
Toll-gates soipe, with price to pay;
Spring-gates some, that shut forever;
Cloud-gates some, that melt away.
So we pass them going upward
. On our journey one by one,
To the distant shining wicket ; '
Where each traveler goes alone
Where the friends who journey with ns
Strangely falter, stop and wait;
Father, Mother, child or lover,
"Only going the gate."
-" ' ' 1 11 ' v
Way a Man Was Aftected
- V : When His Wife Died.
Little Bock Gazette.
Several days ago a man came
;into the office, and remarked:
. "I ranter get' a obituary no
tice printed in your paper, ex-
hibitmg a sheet of manuscript.
"It's a notice of my wife. She
was the best woman in the
world." Here he broke down,
and it was some time before he
could continue. - "She did every
thing to make my life: happy.
She plowed when I fished and
hoed when I hunted." Here he
broke down again, and when he
again lifted his grief-stricken
face, furrows were on his brow
by the shovel-plow of dispair.
: "Will you print it?" he final
ly said. ' ,
"Yes." '., -; ' '
"May a rich harvest of heav
en?s blessings fall upon you."
. For several xlays the notice
was crowded out, and last night
the man again came to the of
fice, and said:
i "Say, pardner, how about
that thing?" -.
"It will go into-morrow mora
ing." "You needn't put it in."
"Because, at the funeral I
met the nailinest woman I ever
saw and fell in love with her."
"And you are going to mar
ry her?"
"Done married, pardner; so I
reckon you'd better leave that
other thing
out. Nancy was a
good sort
of a woman in her
way, out sue ain t notmn to
compare with Cindy. Guess
you'd better let Nancy's pnfF
slide." Such is life after death.
. .
Noble Words.
Gen. Joe Hooker, in his ad
dress at the Dayton Soldiers'
Uoraci on Decoration Day
said: "After my antagonists
surrenders I want to take him
by the hand and I want to do
all I can for him, and you nev
er learned any different feeling
from me. But you did from
some' outsiders, probably some
member of Congress. I will
tell you an .anecdote. - In the
w a with France between
France and England, in Napo
leon's time a cavalry officer
sallied out from his troop, hav
ing discovered an English offi
cer separated from his com
mand, to give him a single com
bat. But after riding rapidly
up to him, he 6a w he had lost
an arm in the battle, and he
said: 'It is true your country
and my country arc at war, but
the unfortunate belong to no
country.' After an enemy sur
render he is no enemy of mine,
and particularly when he has
honored every field that he has
fought upon when he is wor
thy to be your and my antago
nist. I will respect that man as
long as I live, and if he wants
anything I will open my pock
et to him iust as I would one of
What would have been 6aid
ol the South by the Northern
press if such a disgraceful riot
had occurred here as at Chica
go the other day, when a Sunday-school
picnic was attacked
by roughs? A small riot here,
with a negro or two killed, con
vulses tho whole north, and they
begin to cry out that the results
of the war are all lost. But a
peaceful Sunday-school can be
mobbed, people killed by the
dozen and it is scarcely noticed.
Truth's." .
The State Debt Settlement.
. Memphis Appeal.
In August next the people of
Tennessee will be called upon to
express their opinion in regard to
the proposed settlement of the
State, debt. . The polls will be
regularly opened in every coun
ty in the State, and the people
are requested to come forward
and deposit their votes either for
the ratification or rejection , of
the terms submitted by the last
Legislature and accepted by the
creditors of the State. There
has been but little discussion of
this question, because the opin
ion obtained that the people had
generally acquiesced in a settle
ment on the basis of fifty and
four. But it 6eems the repudia-j
tors per $e have resolved to make
a fight in opposition to the lib
eral terms offered. In another
column we publish a letter from
Mai. W. J. Sykes, which dis
cusses this subject in a spirit of
moderation and conciliation
wmen snouid animate every vo-
er in expressing his opinion at
the ballotbox. When such low
tax men as Gov. A. S. Marks
and Hon, A. S. Colyar, and
such extreme State-credit men
as Maj. Sykes unite in support
of the ratification of a settlement
on the basis proposed, it was
hoped that there would be no
contest, and that the people
would umte and cast a solid vote
for the acceptance of terms so
liberal. , .Notwithstanding the
factious : opposition which has
been threatened and which has
developed itself in a small way,
we believe the people will cast
1 , A
an overwhelming maionty lor
the proposition which finally set
ties the State debt and forever
takes it out of the politics of the
State. Maj. Sykes, in his letter
published; in to-day s Appeal,
shows the grounds upon which
State credit men, like himself,
can and should support the set
tlement proposed. There is
great indifference in every part
of the State in regard to the vote
o be cast in August. It is to
be hoped that a full vote will be
cast, for with a small vote, how
ever great the majority, the pres
ent Legislature might be indis
posed to act. West Tennessee
will, no doubt, by a large ma-
ority, vote for an acceptance cf
the settlement at fifty and four,
but the tear is that a small vote
will be cast, and the Legislature
which is to be convened by Gov.
Marks might possibly regard all
who failed to vote opposed to the
settlement, and hesitate to enact
he nccessaiy laws.
Too Late.
Tho following incident took
place in Washington, Texas.
The jury of a circuit court, be
fore whom a miserable wretch
had been tried, returned a ver
dict of "guilty," and suggested
tho "whippingpost." The court
then adjourned for dinner. Im
mediately after dinner the de
fendant's counsel without con
sulting his unfortunate client
moved for a new trial and com
menced reading the mottion.
"Hold on 1" whispered the
client, pulling at the coun
sel's coat tails. "Don't read
"Let me alone," muttered the
lawyer, irritably, "I'll attend to
you when I've read the motion."
"But I don't want you to read
the motion," whined the agita
ted culprit.
"Don't want me to read?
Why not? What's the matter?
I'm going to get you a new tri
all" "Bnt I don't want a new
trial!" exclaimed the wretch.
"Don't want one? Why not?"
returned the other heatedly,
frowning from under his eye
glasses. ;
"'Cause its too late," urgrd
the client. "While you were
all out to dinner the Sheriff
took me out and whipped the
very hide of off rac;'
The motion was 6ummarily
A rich widow, lacking only
two years of a half a century
and dressing her hair six times
a day, in Elizabethtown, Ky.,
fell. in love with ayouthof nine
teen who had been working on
her farm. Her two ' step-sons
ordered him to leave the town,
and threatened to use a shotgun
it he should ever attempt to re
turn. The widow took, the lad
to town, purchased t or him a
new suit of clothes and charged
him to get a license.4'. The
young man dfd as he was told,
and when they wer6 married she
carried him homo and asked her
step-sons what they meant to
do about it.
One of the . most fashionable
openings of the season is the
bung hole of a beer keg.
in Ken-
The Gospel as Expounded by Bare
headed Clergymen in the High
lands. New York Sun.
Manchester, Ky., Juno 23.
In these highlands, outside of
tho larger villages, primitive
conditions are maintained, if not
m not
intensified. I do not know
where . else, except here, one
might go with assurance of find-
ing an original denominational
preacher, and it is well worth
the labor of riding twenty miles
over the mountain roads to find
him in the midst of a protracted
effort, with his harp of a thou-
sand.strings properly tuned for
the occasion.
His coat lies on the floor. . , ,.- . . '
nis iron gray hair bristles from A tifuk custom prevails
his forehead, his unbleached n many parts of Lui-ope of plant
shirt is open, and thrust back J tree pon the birth of every
from his throat: his sleeves arc c?lld eaves wear and tear of
rolled back to the elbows, and 6uPPPrs.
the perspiration, drops unheed- There is an old lady, one hun
ed from his sharprpointed nose, dred and seven years old; in
It is apparent why he carries so Boston, who never uses epecta
little flesh. For nearly an hour cles, and whose sight is as good
he has been thundering at his as it ever was. She was born
audience. He is upon a 6ub- blind.
ject that never fails to call into
play his liveliest fancy and most
imperative and impressive ut-
terances. For an hour he has
- m m
been grouping his way through
infernal caverns, and who can
hulp milling as he strikes upOn
the subject of devils "Talkin
of devils, my beloved brcther-
mg the monstus kre-c-ters, I
say the monstus kre-e-tersl
The smallest devil I ever read
of was eighteen feet
hih and
eleven feet across the breast I
say across the bre-e-ast." And
when, with a severe and threat-
ening aspect, he inquired into
our cause of laughter, we ex
pressed our gratification a t
learning the probably magnifi
cent physical proportions of
Mary Magdalene, he told us
"thar war giants and giantesses
them times."
Another, who.some years ago,
in Adair County, honestly per
formed his duty, and doubtless
accomplished good, by sincere-
y reflecting all the light he was
capable of receiving, wasaccus
omed occasionally to take the
contest between Goliath and
David for his text, and express
himself as follows, pointing to
ns comparisons in the audience.
'Thar was Golgotha (Goliath);
le was a great monstah, liken
onto big Fred. Glider over tiou recently at Belfast, with her
thar, as jt war. Then thar was clothes dripping like a water
David, a small splinter in strip- spout. On being questioned as
lin, liken unto little John Con- to her condition, she said she un
over, John Darling's son-in-law. derstood the lady of the house
over thar, as it war, and great
was tne commotion. JJavid
took a small rock, pebble, piece
ot gravel, or stone, as it war,
and put it in a sling, flung it at
Golgotha, struck him in the
forehead as it war, and killed
as it war, and killed him then
and thar, as it war. And Gol-
golha fell and struck the airth,
A ... , , .
so ma , mey .mqii id tins
neighborhood these old white
oak walls would rock and quiv-
ah, as it war." Perhaps it is
safe to say that with some few
exceptions throughout t h c
Highlands, conditions continue
to develop just such religious
Mr. Spurgeon Rings in a Joke,
Mr. Spurgeon recently told
this anecdote as he gave out an
anthem: A high chtfrchman
and a Scotch Presbyterian mm-
ister had been at the same
church. The former asked the
latter it lie didrt t like the m-
troifs. lie replied: "I don t
n,,u" nok uu iuuuiv is. kjaiu
Irnrtuf m i a r nil inrwnir O ' , I
the churchman, "But did vou
not enjoy the anthem?" He re- wh0 gavc recitals on a second
plied: "2o, I did not enjoy it hand tambourine. It is to bo
at all. "l am very sorry.
said the churchman, "because
it was used in the early Church;
in fact, it wa3 originally sung
by David." "Ah!" said the
the Scotchman, "men that cx
plains the Scripture.
I can nn-
derstand now, if
David sung it
at that time why Saul threw his
javelin at him." This was fol
lowed by a loud peal of laught
er, when Mr. Spurgeon said:
"Now, let us sing the anthem."
A rustic bridegroom was
complimented by one of his ac
quaintances on the charming
appearance of his bride. "She
has the most lovely color I have
ever seen," remarked the friend.
"Yes, it ought to be good,"
pensively replied the groom:
4 she paid a dollar for just a lit
tle bit in a saucer.
We are unable to accept it as
one of the "results of thu war"
that the republican party must
be kept in power, no matter how
it blunders or oppresses the peo
ple. ; . :
A raining favorite An" um-
Only a matter of form Tight
;ing. , .
The fly is never positive. ; He
always specs so.
Marriage is no uneven game.
t It's a- tie.
. Texans arc never lynched
now-a-days. They die of "artifi
cial cliphtheria." '
When the collection box
threatens, an audience would
sooner disperse tlitn dispurse.
A couple of big head lines in
the New Orleans Times read:
"Startling Innovation; A Mail
Train Comes in, on Time."
- An editor, in speaking of a
new book, says "it is bound to
sell." Isn't that what they bind
un hu r.
When you are losing money
tue mst economical thing you
can do is to take in a partner,
Ths is the way careful business
uien do.
' TSTe know of n mpprhnnt
calculates to take a vacation of
sLx weeks this summer. He can
o-o as weii a3 n0f n? h W'r.
advprtisp .
Careful housewife "flifW a
6hoe from the sono-tureenWrI
o'd a thought babvV ho
m - - - rt -l
would turn up in the soup? But
I knew it wasn't lost. I never
; lose anything!"
A man : with a pair of creaky
boots ; always has music in hid
sole, and he generally executes
a solo, just at the very moment
when the rest of the congrega-
j.: i .1 x. : A
. eeuieu t to a quiet
i tinn r
"Ma, lend me a pencil, I want
to draw some ladies." "Draw
some ladies! Why, Johnny, this
is Sunday." "Well, I'll draw
them in their Sunday clothes."
Preposition declined with
"What," says an inquisitive
young lady, "is tho most popular
color for a bride?" and the El
mira Gazette answers : "We
may be a little particular in such
matters, but we should prefer a
wnite one.
Some men are
endowed with
tne "WS nature of cobwebs,
anu 11Ke incm are continually
banging around the house until
cleared out by the end of a well
uramccu uu,t wun an inciU3-
no lemaie ar. me other end.
A woman applied for a situa-
wanted a wet nurse, and she had
come ready for service.
When a young tobacco chew
er, who blasted that his father
used the weed up to the day of
his death, was asked if he didn't
think it shortened his days re
plied: "Not at all. Each one of
7-flt!f ,i, -r
long, iust tiie same as if ho
hadn't used tobacco."
If ylV have no money to
& tlie needy wretch who beg
yur alms, you at least have
sympathy you can give him a
kmt wor an a gentle smile,
If he asks you for ten cents to
buy bread, smile kmlly on him
and tell him you haven't a cent.
but you can direct him to a good,
respectable hotel where he can
get good plain board and a
pleasant room for $11 a week. ,
it U not considered proper to
speak 0f piano playing. It U
piano recital you mean. That
reminds us that there wasahand
r . rtt .
uce recently, me ; artist was
fmm Thlv. nn.l o wnU win.
hoped they may come again, and
we can assure them plenty of
room to play in.
Young man, devoted to and
expressly manufactured forsoci-
i -l i : u- t i
ft P" agony
. iu, L "V f "cau
acnes; iiwiuuy,DyJovei sym
pathizing friend, student in AVil
son's dental room: "Oh, you'd
better have it pulled;" then, af
ter a thoughtful pause,-"or fill
ed." Patient move3 away with
an injured air, and the young
dentist smiles after him more
thoughtfully than ever.
Astride a log sat Sam and an
other sinner, engaged in a little
game of seven-up, when a min
ister approached, Mho, after a
solemn contemplation of the
game, laid his hand ujion Samu
el's shoulder and m'u: "My
friend, is that tho way to save
your soul?" "Perhaps not," an
swered Sam, who, having just
played a card, attentively was
considering the hand. "Perhaps
not, but it seems alxmt tho best
thing I can do to save my Jack."

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