The Western advance. [volume], March 14, 1874, Image 1

About The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
§etet[ted ^liuelUmiu
UP IN THE CLOUDS.
MY friend, your fancy files too far,
The world of man lies ronnd our feet,
Ilcre its unceasing coniliels are,
And here its varying forces meet.
Fray, curb the thoughts that vaguely rise
Anonettf&a real and stubborn facts
Give o'er wild flights to distant skies,
And do some good by human acts.
Utopian dreams are pleasant things,
No donbt—but dreams are poor at best
We live not by imaginings,
Nor thrive oa vague aud vain unrest.
We must behold with eyes of sense,
Our feet must tread in actual ways,
And ere we gain the recompense
"Tis ours to number toilsome days.
Grand theories of what might be,
Prodigious scheme* for changing all
Heaven order here can never free
Mankind from Nature's bond and thrall.
What '*, howe'er or whence it came,
Is'Uiut which all must recognize
What might be wears a winsome name,
But brings no joy to tearful eyes.
So. friend, give o'er your fancy flights,
Below the clouds you'll daily find
Much strife 'twlxtfctrugvlins: wrongs and right!,
Much good to do to aid your kind.
Pray, curb the dreamy thoughts that rise
Above life's real and stubborn facts
Forsake void realms and vacant skies.
And do some good by human acts.
WRONGFULLY ACCUSED.
IT has been many long days since then,
yet I remember it all, just as though it had
occurred jesterday.
I was a carpenter, the foreman of a
large establishment, and as such possessed
the entire confidence of my employer,
who, by the way, had been an old school
mate of mine.
One day he called me into his office to
look at some rare coins he had just pur
chased.
Here," said he. placing in my hand a
heavy gold piece, is one which is worth
more than all the rest put together. It is
a great curiosity. I paid $200 for it, and
consider it cheap at that. I could easily
double my money in selling it and so
you see, Ilarvey, "it is a good invest
ment."
No doubt it is," said I, though it
seems a large sum to have lie idle."
I breathed an involuntary sigh as I laid
the coin down on the desk, for $200
would have seemed a fortune to me just
then.
The severe illness of my wife and one
of my children, and the death of another,
made serious inroads on my purse, and it
had required the utmost economy to keep
myself free from debt nay, I had been
obliged to withdraw from the bank the
small sum which, besides my salary, was
all I possessed of worldly treasures.
Thinking of this, I laid the coin down
with a sigh, and turned away to attend
my duties.
The next morning I was again sum
moned into the office, but this time I met
with no fiiendly greeting as usual.
44
Harvey," said my employer, abruptly,
that coin we were looking at has disap
peared. I have made a thorough search,
but it is not to be found. It has been car
ried away by some one. You alone saw
or knew of it, and—"
He paused and looked significantly
into my face. I finished the sentence for
him, the hot blood dyeing my cheek and
brow as I spoke.
You mean, therefore, that -I took it
—I!"
44
What else can I think? The coin was
here you alone saw it: I cannot recall
having seen it since it was in your hands.
You are in need of money you have told
me that yourself. It was a great tempta
tion, and I forgive you because of our old
friendship, but I cannot retain you in my
employ. Here is. the salary due you."
44
Very well,'* said I, with forced calm
ness,44 so be it. Since you have so poor
an opinion of me after years of faithful
service I shall not stop to defend my
self."
Then I took the money he had laid
upon the desk, and went out from his
presence a well-nigh broken-hearted man.
But for the tender love of my wife I
doubt not but that I would have buried
my sorrows in the grave of a suicide.
Supported by that love, however, and
the consciousness of my own innocence,
I took fresh courage, and set resolutely to
work to find a new employer.
But powerful is the breath of slander
turn which way I might, I ever found
that the story of my dismissal for theft
had preceded me, and my application for
employment uniformly met with a re
fusal.
Time went on piece by piece of our
furniture and every spare article of cloth
ing found its way to the pawnbroker's,
until at length even this poor resource
failed us, and my children cried in vain
for food.
Yet I did not sit down in idle despair
Icyt»ld.not afford to do so the life or
death of all I loved on earth depended on
my exertions—and so, turning away from
home with a' heavy heart, I once more
set out on the weary search for work.
All in vain! Refusal after refusal met
my entreaties for employment, and I was
turning homeward with a listless step
when, passing an immense church, I was
attracted by a group of men at its base.
Impelled by some strange impulse I
approached and mingled with them.
A workman was standing near by, look
ing up at the great steeple, which towered
aloft some 250 feet above them, while a
gentleman, evidently an architect, was
addressing him in earnest language, and
at the same time pointing to the golden
cross at the summit of the spire.
111
tell you," he exclaimed, as I drew
near, "it must and can be done. The
cross roust b» taken' down, or the first
heavy gale will send it down into the
street, and lives will be lost. Coward! is
this the way you back out of a job after
engaging to do it?"
441
didn't know the spire was so high
»p there. Do it yourself if you want it
done."
441
would if I were able," said the archi
tect. "But go if you will, let it be. My
honor is pledged to have it done at any
l*ic§—and I can find a braver man than
y°« to do it."
w&»£ P® away with a
^»cliihg step, and the gentle-
i$«Pd7^moYe™y
—vJl «T-3
JoltiTAr
5
al80^hen
VOU WMlt
d°n e« Bir?"
enter
iP
erha
He turned eagerlyt
a ll
Take down that crossed
•flfeir.
I can
a
your while.
a
a hawked dollars. You will laave to
ascend those ornamental Mocks, and 1
tell you candidly they A* &>t to, be de
pended upom they must be weak and1
rotten, for they have beta there for
years."
I looked at the spire it was square at
the base and tapered to a sharp point',
while along each angle, were nailed small
gilded blocks of wood.
41
44
It's a dangerous place to work," I said,
and there will be even more peril in de
scending than ascending. Suppose I suc
ceed in moving the cross, and then—"
44
If any accident happens to you, my
brave fellow, the money shall be paid to
your family. I promise you that. Give
me your address.
"Here it is," I said, "and as. you value
your soul keep your word with me. My
wife and children are starving, or 1 would
not attempt this work. If I die they can
live on the hundred dollars for awhile
until my sick wife can recover her
strength."
44
I'll make it a hundred and fifty!" ex
claimed the architect "and may God
protect you! If I had the skill necessary
to ascend that steeple I would ask no man
to risk his life there. But come, and keep
a steady hand and eye."
I followed him into the church, then up
into the spire, until we paused before a
narrow window. This was the point from
which I must start on the perilous feat
which I had undertaken.
Casting a single glance at the people
in the street below- mere specks in the
distance—I reached out from the window,
and, grasping one of the ornamental
blocks, swung myself out upon the spire.
For an instant my courage faltered, but
the remembrance ot my starving family
came to my aid, and with a silent prayer
for protection and success I placed my
hand on the next block above my head
and clambered up.
From block to block I went, steadily
and cautiously, trying each one ere I
trusted my weight upon it.
Two-thirds of the space had been
passed, when suddenly the block tha
supported me moved—gave way. O
heavens! Never, though I should live to
see a hundred years, shall I cease to shud
der at the recollection of that terrible mo
ment. Yet even in the midst of my ago
ny, as I felt myself slipping backward, I
did not for one second lose my presence
of mind.
It seemed to me that never before had
my senses been so preternaturally acute
as then, when a horrible death seemed
inevitable.
Down, down I slipped, grasping at
each block as I passed it by, until at
length my fearful course was arrested, and
then, while my head reeled with the sud
den reaction, a great shout came from the
people below.
44
Come down, come down!" called the
architect from the window half the sum
shall be yours for the risk you have run.
Don't try again. Come down."
But no! more than ever now I was de
termined to succeed. I was not one to
give up after having undertaken a diffi
cult task.
Coolly, but cautiously, I commenced
the ascent once more, first seeking in vain
to reach across to the next row ot blocks,
for I did not care to trust myself again on
that whioh bad proved so treaohorouo.
This I was compelled to do, however, un
til the space between the angles became
sufficiently small to allow me to swing
across. Accomplishing my purpose at
length, I went up more rapidly, carefully
testing each block as I proceeded.
Ere long I reached the cross, and there
I paused to rest, looking down from the
dizzy height with a coolness that even
then astonished me.
A few strokes with a light hatchet that
the architect had hung at my back, and
piece by piece the rotten cross fell to the
ground.
My work was done, and as the last frag
ment disappeared 1 found a sad pleasure
in the thought that should I never reach
the ground alive my dear ones would
have ample means to supply their wants
until my wife could obtain employment.
Steadily and cautiously 1 lowered my
self from block to block, and at length
reached the spire window amid the cheers
of those assembled in the street.
Inside the steeple the architect placed
a roll of bank notes in my hand.
You have well earned the money," he
said. "It does me good to see a man
with so much nerve—but—bless me!
what is the matter with your hair? It
was black before you made the ascent,
now it is gray!"
And so it was That moment of in
tense agony, while slipping helplessly
downward, had blanched my hair until
it appeared like that of an old man. The
work of years had been done in an in
stant.
Entering the bare, cheerless room,
which was now all I called my home, I
found a visitor awaiting me—my late em
ployer.
44
Harvey," said he, extending his hand,
441
have done you a great wrong. It cost
me a terrible pang to believe in your
guilt, but circumstances were so strongly
against you that I was forced to believe
it. I have found the coin, Harvey it
slipped under the secrtt drawer in my
aesk. Can you forgive me, my dear old
friend?"
My heart was too full to speak I si
lently pressed his baud.
441
will undo the wrong I have done.
All the world shall know that I have ac
cused you unjustly, not only through my
words, but through my actions, too. "V0u
must be my partner, Haivey. If you re
fuse I shall feel that you have not for
given me."
I did not refuse. Indeed, I thankfully
accepted the offer which my friend so
generously made, knowing that no surer
method could have been devised to si
lence forever the tongue of slander, and
free my name from the unmerited re
proach which had of late rested on it.
Great prosperity has attended my
steps ever since that eventful day, but
neither prosperity nor wealth can efface
its memory from my heart, nor restore
my withered locks to their own raven
hue.
—Inspired being: Whence, oh
whence, ladies, whence, oh whence came
the marvelous instinct that prompted the
minute being originally contained in this
fragile shell to burst the calcarious en
velop that secluded it from the glories ot
the outward world?" Chorus of admir
ing ladies: "Whence, oh Whence, indeed,
Mr. Honeycomb?" Master Tommy:
"Perhaps the little beggar was afraid
he'd be boiled!"
THK Supreme Court of Illinois, in a re
cent decision, has affirmed the principle
that an express company cannot beheld
for the value of a package "of money lost
while in its possession as a common car
rier, unless the value of the package be
truly stated before the contract for car
riage is entered into.
—Figueras is not only tall and thin and
gray-headed, but goes to bed at five
o'clock and gets up at nine.
Indifference 'to Danger.
NOTWITHSTANDING all that has been
said on the subject, we fear that it will
have to be admitted .that''the people of
the present generation are foolishly in
different to the countless dangers that
threaten human life. Indeed, we believe
that if some enterprising person were to
stretch a cable across the North River be
tween Cortland street and Jersey City,
suspend a basket ear upon it by means bf
a rope, and get the frail conveyance going
by steam engines at both ends of the
route, more passengers would be found
ready to risk their necks than could be
accommodated.
A good example of recklessness may be
witnessed every day on the ferry-boats.
When the boat reaches within three or
four feet of the landing-stage, the hurried
mortals outside of the chains jump and
run as if pursued by wild beasts. Jump
ing on and off steam railroad cars in mo
tion is another habit that would be
indulged in to a greaterextent than it is
but for the efforts made to prevent it
Yet hundreds of persons are either crip
pled or killed outright every year because
of it. Most men would greatly prefer to
run the risk of losing their lives than to
remain ten or fifteen minutes at a road,
side station for another train.
Women, in proportion to their strength
and activity, are likewise affected by the
spirit of indifference to danger. They do
not, it is true, jump on moving trains, or
crush outside the chains on ferry boats, but
they nevertheless find numerous ways of
showing their recklessness. Among
them may be mentioned the treatment of
the kerosene lamp. The burning of
women through incautiousness in hand
ling this persistent enemy of the house
hold has come to be a daily occurrence.
On Tuesday night last a resident of Grand
street, Jersey City, was literally burned
to death by the explosion of one of these
lamps. She had, it appears, attempted to
fil it while the wick was lighting, and,
41
as if to make the experiment more haz
ardous, held the lamp almost directly over
a hot stove." A drop of the oil fell on the
stove, ignited, and sent up a flame which
struck the oil in her hand, and in an in
stant she was enveloped in flames. The
poor woman, we are told, rushed into the
street and hid herself under the floor of a
shanty hard by. She was subsequently
taken back to her apartment, where she
died after four hours of the most excru
ciating agony.
It takes, as we all know, a good deal of
writing and talking to effect the very
simplest reform, so that if the people
should come to fully realize what a small
amount of actual progress is made by the
disposition to overturn one another in
their scramble through life it will only
be at the expense of a vast amount of
talk and a still vaster amount of risk.—N.
Y. Times.
A Mother Dies of Grief.
AN Indianapolis gentleman, who came
in from Crawfordsville last evening, gives
the particulars of the death of a lady in
that city Sunday night under peculiarly
distressing circumstances. A few nights
since the ticket office of the L., C. & S. W.
R. R. was robbed of a large number of
tickets. An employe saw the thieves as
thev were escaping and recognized one
of them as a lad by the name of O'Neil—
Michael, he thought his first name was—
and as soon as the robbery was discov
ered lodged the information with the
authorities. On Sunday night a warrant
for the boy's arrest was placed in the
hands of a couple of policemen, who pro
ceeded without delay to the residence of
his parents and made known the nature
of their errand.
The mother, a woman about forty years
of age, and mother of six children, one
of whom was a babe, whrn she heard the
story, vehemently denied that her boy
could have been guilty of the crime with
which he was charged. So excited did
she become that she finally fainted away,
and on being restored to consciousness
again relapsed into a swoon. On recov
ering from the second nervous attack
Mrs. O'Neil pleaded with the oflcers not
to take her son, protesting with all a
mother's power that he was. guiltless.
The police at last consented to go with
the boy to the man who had given the
information, and "f he failed to identify
him he would be brought back immedi
ately. The policemen, who were deeply
troubled by the scene, hurried away and
aroused the man, who announced that it
was the wrong boy. Inwardly rejoicing,
they started back, but before they had
proceeded far they were met' by Mr.
O'Neil, who informed them that his wife
was dead—had died from the stroke of
hearing of her child's disgrace, as she
supposed.—Indianapolis Journal.
A Public Lesson.
The circumstances attending the Thomp.
son tragedy, in the town of Lake, are so
familiar, on account of the intense inter
est attached to the affair, that they require
only brief recapitulation. The family
consisted of a mother, father and four
children, one of them an infant. The
father, David Thompson, was boarding
temporarily near his work. The mother
was ill, and being taken care of by an
ignorant but well-meaning professional
nurse. On Thursday the family was vis
ited by a kindly neighbor, who observed
nothing wrong.' On Saturday two of the
children were dead, a third was dying and
the mother and nurse were in a state of
stupor. The infant, only a few days old,
was apparently uninjured. The first sus
picion was that of poison, and the guilt
seemed to attach to the nurse. The in
justice of the accusation became apparent
and a patient examination established the
fact that the three children were killed
by noxious gas escaping from a coal stove,
the house being shut tight, and the damper
in the pipe reversed. The escape of the
mother and nurse is attributed solely to
the forcible invasion of the house by two
neighbors, and their promptitude in ap
plying proper restoratives. The physi
cians who conducted the post mortem ex
plain the safety of the infant in this
scarcely satisfactory way: "It has been
noticed that infants respire foul air fre
quently without being as much affected
as adults." It was observed that the poi
son had not killed two adults and had
killed three children and if it be true
that the infant respired the air with safe
ty, simply because an infant can, it must
be admitted, as necessity has often re-
3octorsbefore,
uired that the explanations by
are among the most mysterious
things on earth
Unhappily, this Chicago tragedy is not
an isolated case. In Oakland, Pa., last
December, an entire school barely es
caped destruction by the same cause.
The gas escaped from the stove into the
room. Soon several ofthe pupils swooned
K&
A N I N E E N E N N E W S A E
VOLUME II. WORTHINGTON, NOBLES CO., MINN., SATURDAY, MARCH 14, 1874. NUMBER 27.
upon the floor, others attempted to reach
the door, and fell insensible. The teach
er, terrified, surmised the cause, threw
open the doors and windbws, and called
to a passer-by for assistance. Before he
could answer, she, too, was insensible.
The stranger turned the uninjured portion
of the school out, carried the rest into the
open air, summoned a doctor, and suc
ceeded in saving every life. Five minutes
more and every human beinr in the
school room would have been a corpse.
In New York city, a few weeks ago, a
lady whose room was heated bv a gas
stove went to sleep leaving it at rail pres
sure, the windows and doors being closed.
She was dead in the morning.
On the night of the 2d of 'January
five men were killed by gas while asleep
on a vessel at Wilmington. On ithe 17th
of January a father and son died
in Boston under similar circumstances.
A man named Wieland and his wife were
found dead in Philadelphia 05 February
9th, from an escape of gas lato an air
tight room. The murder of the three
Thompson children completes the cata
logue up to date.
The strongest constitution, the staunch
est lungs, cannot escape the insidious
poison of foul air. If permitted to con
tinue its assault long enough death must
inevitably ensue. The attention of
school-directors and teachers throughout
the country, no less than that of heads of
families, is earnestly directed to the fore
going terrible facts. An insane determi
nation in human nature attempts to make
a room hot during cold weather, with a
sublime unconsciousness as to the possible
peril in the process, or funerals as the re
sults. It is a principle whose enforce
ment should be universally insisted upon
that no room in which human life is en
cased should so be closed as to prevent
the free entrance of pure air. This pas
sage-way can be maintained, if a building
be decently constructed, without subject
ing any one to the danger of a neuralgic
draugfit.—Chicago Times.
How Al. Bascom Saved the Train.
We have rarely read of an instance
where a noble effort to save life was op
posed by greater difficulties or more re
markably rewarded than in connection
with a recent accident on the Troy &
Greenbush Railroad.
The New York and Boston express
train left Troy at the usual nour, 6 o'clock
in the morning. None of the passengers
yet know how narrowly they escaped an
awful disaster, and in how great a degree
they are indebted for their lives to the
presence of mind of a railroad employe.
There had been a serious landslide at
fish-house curve on the Troy & Greenbush
Railroad. A locomotive had been acci
dentally caught by the landslide, forced
from the track and partly turned, so that
its headlight was pointed west.
The slide occurred at 6 o'clock, just at
the moment the New York and Boston
exproes was leaving the Troy station. The
engineer of the captured locomotive knew
that the down train could nut pass the ob
structions. He told his fireman, Al. Bas
com, to take a red lantern, go up the track
and intercept the train.
Bascom started on his mission in the
darkness he stumbled and fell on the
track the light was extinguished. The
time was too short to allow him to return
and get another lantern it was impossi
ble in the strong wind to light a match.
Covered with mud, but losing scarcely
half a minute, he pushed on. The head
light of the approaching train came in
sight. He knew that the voice of warn
ing, be it ever so loud, could not be heard
above the roar of the train. He had but
a few seconds in which to determine upon
his course.
What did he do?
Something very few would have
thought of doing. Taking aim as best he
might, he raised his lantern and hurled
it at the approaching locomotive, and
then awaited the result. He could not
see where bis missile landed the inter
vening seconds seemed ten minutes.
By what we now regard as a mysterious
and beneficent interposition of Provi
dence, it entered the cab window, break
ing the wood-work, and coming within an
inch of striking the fireman inside fairly
in the face.
If it had hit him he would have been
seriously injured. When the shattering
and shattered lantern fell at the engineer's
eet he knew something had gone wrong,
and whistled
44down
brakes." The train
slackened speed, and at length came to a
full stop within a hundred feet of the
wrecked locomotive, saved from destruc
tion by the presence of mind of the man
who had thrown the lantern.
At this point, where the way is ob
structed, the track is built on an embank
ment close by the river, and had a collis
ion occurred between the disabled loco
motive and the moving train, the latter
would have been thrown from the track
into the river, and the horrors and loss of
life, the woundings and maimings of New
Hamburg would have been repeated. All
honor to Al. Bascom! Let his name be in
scribed on the roll of fame beside that of
Doc Simmons, the heroic engineer who
died at New Hamburg.—Troy Times,
Land Washing.
ONE of the greatest objections to our
farming operations in this country is the
tendency of our rich soil to wash off and
rapidly deteriorate in fertility Another
misfortune is the indifference with which
many farmers treat this important sub
ject. It is plain to any observing mind
that a field of rich, fertile soil will yield
double the amount of one that has been
thus neglected and suffered other mal
practices. I have in my mind now the
case of a so-called farmer who allowed an
old roadway, a quarter of a mile in length,
to wash so deep'that a plow could hardly
cross it. when ten minutes' work with a
spade would have prevented it. And
often we see large, impassable ditches
form through valuable land, with no
effort to stay the fearful waste. This, with
fearful force, verifies the old saying,
Personal Recollections of the Siamese
Twins.
IN one of Mark Twain's sketch books
published by Routledge, in England, is
the following minute, entertaining and
just now especially valuable account of
the habits of the Siamese twins. It was
written several years ago:
I do not wish to write of the personal
habits of these strange creatures only,
but also of certain curious details of va
rious kinds concerning them which, be
longing to their private life, have never
crept into print. Knowing them inti
mately, I feel that I am peculiarly well
qualified for the task I have taken on my
self.
The Siamese twins are naturally ten
der and affectionate in disposition, and
have clung together with singular fidelity
throughout a long and eventful life. Even
as children they were inseparable com
panions and it is noticed that they
always seemed to piefer each other's so
ciety to that of any other persons. They
nearly always played together and so ac
customed was their mother to this pecul
iarity that, whenever both of them
chanced to be lost, she usually hunted
for one of them—satisfied that when she
found that one she would find his brother
somewhere in the immediate neighbor
hood. And yet these creatures were igno
rant and unlettered—barbarians them
selves, and the offspring of barbarians,
who knew not the light of philosophy
and science. Wnat a withering rebuke is
this to our boasted civilization, with its
quarrelings, its wranglings and its sepa
ration of brothers.
As men the twins have not always lived
in perfect accord but still there has
always been a bond between them which
made them unwilling to go away from
each other and dwell apart. They have
even occupied the same house, as a gen
eral thing, and it is believed that they
have never failed to even sleep together
on any night since they were born. How
surely do the habits of a lifetime become
second nature to us. The twins always
go to bed at the same. time, but Chang
usually gets up an hour before his brother.
By an understanding between themselves,
Chang does all the indoor work and Eng
runs all the errands. This is because
Eng likes to go out Chang's habits are
sedentary. However, Chang always goes
along. Eng is a Baptist, but Chang is a
Roman Catholic still, to please his
brother, Chang consented to be baptized
at the same time that Eng was, on condi
tion that it should not count." During
the war they were strong partisans, and
fought gallantly all through the great
struggle—Eng on the Union side and
Chang on the Confederate. They took
each other prisoners at Seven Oaks, but
the proofs of capture were so evenly bal
anced in favor ot each that a general
army court had to be assembled to deter
mine which one was properly the captor
and which the captive. The jury was un
able to agree for a long time, but the
Texed question was finally decided by
agreeing to consider them both prisoners
ana then exchanging them. At one time
Chang was convicted of disobedience of
orders and sentenced to ten days in the
guard house, but Eng, in spite of all ar
guments, felt obliged to share his impris
onment, notwithstanding he himself was
entirely innocent and so, to save the
blameless brother from suffering, they
had to discharge both from custody—the
just reward of "faithfulness.
Upon one occasion the brothers fell out
about something, and Chang knocked
Eng down, and then tripped and fell on
him, whereupon both c?inched and began
to beat and gouge each other without
mercy. The bystanders interfered and
tried to separate them, but they could not
do it, and so allowed them to fight it out.
In the end both were disabled, and were
carried to the hospital on one and the
same shutter.
Their ancient habit of going always to
gether had its drawbacks when they
reached man's estate, and entered upon
the luxury of courting. Both fell in love
with the same girl. Each tried to steal
clandestine interviews with her, but at
the critical moment one would always
turn up. By-and-by Eng saw with dis
traction that Chang had won the girl's
affections, and from that day forth he had
to bear with the agony of being a witness
to all their dainty billing and cooing.
But with a magnanimity that did him in
finite credit he succumbed to his fate,
and gave countenance to a state of things
that badefair to sunder his generous heart
strings. He sat from seven every evening
until two in the morning, listening to
the fond foolishness of the two lovers,
and to the concussion of hundreds of
squandered kisses—for the privilege of
sharing only one of which he would
have given his right hand. But he sat
patiently and waited, and gaped, and
yawned, and stretched and longed for two
o'clock to come. And he took long walks
with the lovers on moonlight evenings—
sometimes traversing ten miles, notwith
standing he was usually suffering from
rheumatism. He is an inveterate smoker
but he could not smoke on these occa
sions, because the young lady was pain
fully sensitive to the smell of tobacco.
Eng cordially wanted them married and
done with it but although Chang often
asked the momentous question the young
lady could not gather sufficient courage
to answer it while Eng was by. How
ever, on one occasion, after having walked
some sixteen miles and sat up till nearly
daylight, Eng dropped asleep from sheer
exhaustion and the question was asked
and answered. The lovers were married.
All acquainted with (lie circumstances
applauded the noble brother-in law. His
unwavering faithfulness was the theme of
every tongue. He had stayed by them
through their long and arduous courtship
and when at last they were married, he
lifted his hands and said with impressive
unction,
44
4,A
stitch in time saves nine."
A few hints in regard to remedies are
in order. First, the land can be plowed
so as to help the case by running the fur
rows crosswise of the rills. I prefer to
have the water flow in straight rills at reg
ular intervals, and to prevent these from
washing deeper pack corn-stalks, large
green weeds, fine straight brush, etc., in
the bottom, and allow the grass and
weeds to grow in these ditches. Thus the
water has something to wear on, and
with a little care much soil can thus be
saved. But the best manner to preserve
the fertility of the soil is, as any intelli
gent farmer knows, to seed down to grass,
especially clovers, not forgetting the im
portance of the proper use of manure.—
Cor Western Farmer.
Punches,
Bless ye, my children, I will
never desert thee!" and he kept his word.
Magnanimity like this is all too rare in
this cold world.
By-and-by Eng fell in love with his sis
ter-in-law, and married her, and since that
day they have all lived together in an ex
ceeding sociability, which is touching
and beautiful to behold, and is a scathing
rebuke to our boasted civilization.
The sympathy existing between these
two brothers is so close and so refined
that the feelings, the. impulses, the emo
tions of the one are instantly experienced
by the other. When one is sick the other
is sick when one feels pain the other
feels it when one is angered the other's
temper takes fire. We have already seen
with what happy felicity they both fell in
love with the same girl. Now Chang is
bitterly opposed to all forms of intemper
ance on principle, but Eng is the reverse
—for, while these men's feelings and emo
tions are so closely wedded, their reason
ing faculties are unfettered, their thoughts
are free. Chang belongs to the Good
mmuzsQrA
HISTORICAL
SOCIETY.
Templars, and is a hard-working and en
thusiastic supporter of all temperance
reforms. But, to his bitter distress, every
now and then Eng gets drunk, and of
course that makes Chang drunk too. This
unfortunate thing has been a great sorrow
to Chang, for it almost destroyed his use
fulness in his favorite field of effort. As
sure as he is to head a great temperance
procession. Eng ranges up alongside of
him, prompt to the minute and drunk as
a lord but no more dismally and hope
lessly drunk than his brother who has not
tasted a drop. And so the two begin to
hoot and yell and throw mud
and bricks at the Good Tem
plars, and of course they break
up the procession. It would be mani
festly wrong to punish Chang for what
Eng'does, and therefore the Good Tem
plars accept the untoward situation and
suffer in silence and sorrow. They have
officially and deliberately examined
into the matter, and find Chang blame
less. They have taken the two brothers
and filled Chang full of warm water aud
sugar and Eng full of whisky, and in
twenty-five minutes it was not possible to
tell which was the drunkest. Both were
as drunk as loons, and on hot whisky
from the smell of their breath
et all the while Chang's moral princi
ples were unsullied his conscience clear
and so all just men were forced to confess
he was not morally but only physically
drunk. By every right and by every
moral evidence the man was strictly
sober, and therefore it caused his friends
all the more anguish to see him shake
hands with the pump and try to wind his
watch with his night-key.
There is a moral in these solemn warn
ings, or at least a warning in these solemn
morals, one or the other. No matter, it
is somehow. Let us keep it let us profit
by it.
I could say more of an instructive na
ture about these interesting beings, but
let what I have written suffice.
Having forgotten to mention it sooner,
I will remark, in conclusion, that the
ages of the Siamese twins are respectively
fifty-one and fifty-three years.
Beaten at Their Own Game.
ABOUT two years ago a Missouri River
steamboat left Fort Benton with a party
of tough and well to do miners on board.
There were also among the passengers
three or four "brace men," and befoie ar
riving at Sioux City they had generally
cleaned out the pockets of the miners.
The boat stopped at Sioux City to wood
up, and found, among others waiting to
get on board, a ministerial-looking per
sonage with the longest and most solemn
countenance on him you can well imag
ine. He was dressed in a suit of black,
wore a white stovepipe hat and choker
collar, ornamented with a black neck
handkerchief.
Well, he got on board and the boat start
ed down the stream. For two days he
was unnoticed by the other passengers,
but one of the sports at last thought he
saw a chance to make something out of
the sad and melancholy individual The
latter would once or twice a day step up
to the bar, and, with a voice that was as
mild and gentle as a maiden's, ask for
44
A glass of soda, if you please," and then
he would pull a roll of bills from his
pocket and take a quarter from their in
terior layers. Then he would say to the
barkeeper, as if under a thousand obliga
tions, Thank you, sir," and walk aft
again as if about to commit suicide.
The thing had gone far enough, and
the gambler I have spoken of at la&t ap
proached him.
44
Would you like a game of seven-up,
sir?"
41
Seven-up What is seven up? Please
tell me, my good friend
44
Why, a game of cards, you know, just
to pass away the time. Let us play a
game."
44
My good friend, I do not know any
thing concerning cards I cannot play
them."
44
Well, come along we'll show yon
how to do it." And the mild gentleman
in black, after some further protests, at
length consented.
They showed him how 'twas done, and
they played several games. The gentle
man in black was delighted. Gamblers
want to know if he will play poker, five
cents ante, just for the fun of the thing.
Gentleman in black says he can't play the
game, but they explain again, and the
poker commences. The gentleman in
black loses every time. There are
six men in the game. Each one
deals before the gentleman in black,
and ante has been raised to a dol
lar. Gent in black deals awkwardly and
looks at his hand. Next man to dealer
bets five—goes around, and bets are
raised to $100. Gent in black sees it and
makes it $100 better. Gamblers look sur
prised, but will not be bluffed. The bet
had reached $500—a thousand. All draw
out except a Pike's Peak miner, who sees
and calls him:
44
4*What
have you?"
Waal." answers the gent in black, I
have—let me see, let me see—waal, I have
four ones."
The gamblers, who have suspicioned
some time before, now look wild, and the
light begins to dawn in the miner's
mind. He leaned across the table and
said in the most sarcastic tones he could
command:
44
Oh, you heave, heave yer! You sanc
timonious shuffler."
Tne gent got up from the table and
handed one of the gamblers his card. It
read Bill Walker, New Orleans"—one
of the most successful sharpers in the
country.—St. Louis Journal.
Affecting Romauce.
A young gentleman living near Terre
Haute felt that life had no charms if a
young lady of whom he thought a great
deal didn't consent to marry him. She
didn't, and he immediately went West, and
employed a sympathetic friend to write to
her saying that he was dead, and begging
her as his parting request to stop and
drop a weed or a flower or a tear upon
his lonesome grave if she happened to be
passing in that direction. Mark the prac
ticality of the modern young lady! No
thrill of anguish desolated her soul she
calmly wrote back to the friend that if he
had any consideration for her feelings to
send her the dear departed's watch and
chain and money. The things were sent
and their owner speedily followed to ob
serve the effect of his beau stratagem.
Alas! he met her walking with Another,
and wearing all his jewelry. Appalled
by this sudden apparition of a dead man
Another fled, but the young lady had
sharper eyes for her unappreciated suitor.
All's well that ends well she was so
displeased with Another for running away
in terror that now she is about to marry
the ghost.
-r-The loved land of babies—Lapland.
CURRENT ITEMS.
THE Saginaman estimates the standing
timber in Michigan at 33,000,000,000
feet.
OF the 900 and odd children born in
Hartford, Conn., last year, over 700 were
of Irish parentage.
IT is said that American life insurance
companies having agencies in England
are not doing well.
A NEW YORK State doctor gave a woman
aconite to cure her deafness, and since the
funeral they can't find him.
AT several places in Montana the epi
zooty has reappeared. Some stage lines
have been compelled to stop.
KEROSENE does not meet with favor in
Georgia, almost every household sticking
to the time-honored tallow dip.
IF the new proposition to burn the dead
prevails, what are the medical men to do
for subjects for the dissecting table?
A CLERMONT (Iowa) farmer put out
poison for the wolves. The next morning
his dog and seven hogs were dead.
A CONNECTICUT paper proposes to fine
every man $500 who adulterates liquor,
and only two doMars where he sands his
sugar.
A. MAN in Keokuk lately dropped dead
while combing his hair, and yet there are
people who will persist in the dangerous
habit
A MONTANA man has been exiled from
the Territory, under pain of pitch and
plumage, for the crime of marrving a
Chinawoman.
A PURE quality of alum is found in
large lantities in the form of incrusta
tions on the rocks near Lancha Plana,
Amador County, Cal.
THE Governor of Maine recently sent
to the*Legislature of that State the first
veto for fifteen years. Both houses sus
tained the objection.
ELI G. FOWLER, cf Norwich, Conn.,
speared an eel the other day that meas
ured thirty and a half inches long and
twelve inches around its body.
ASTRONOMERS say that their science can
be practically studied under our clear
atmosphere to better advantage than from
the observatories of Middle Europe.
THERE are five members only of the
Utah Legislature who are not possessed
of more than one wife each, and of these
five three are Mormons by profession.
A FLUME is to be constructed from the
mountains, leading into Nevada City and
Grass Valley, Cal., to float down wood
and timber. The distance is thirteen
miles.
PATENT-GATE swindlers are raiding
through Michigan, selling what they call
44
Hickman's patent farm gate They are
swindlers, according to the Free Pi ess, of
Detroit.
THERE were recently in jail in Georgia
twenty men arrested in that State for
illicit distilling. Indictments had been
found against many others, who had so
far escaped arrest.
FARMERS in the American Bottom live
in dread lest their crops be destroyed by
grasshoppeis next summer. Investiga
tions prove that they lurk in millions "in
many fields of wheat.
IT is getting so fashionable in Phila
delphia for ladies to get drunk that the
Inquirer calls upon husbands to interfere,
ana would uphold them in turning the
key on the inebriates.
AN Indiana man with a turn for statis
tics calculates that his faithful dog, ten
years of age, has cost him $234 25 for
hash and $25 for license. The dog is now
for sale. Price, ten cents.
A LARGE uninvited crowd which assem
bled in St Michael's Church, in Chestei,
Pa, to witness a wedding were locked in
by the sexton, and meanwhile the nuptial
ceremonies transpired elsewhere.
A CONSUMPTIVE man in Rhode Island
had an idea that if he could drink fresh
blood from a goat it would cure him, and
he killed seven or eight goats belonging
to neighbors and got himself in jail.
IT is said that the wife of Gen. Sher
man is very much opposed to round
dances, and does not permit her daughters
to indulge in them even at her own house.
Mrs. Sherman is a devout Catholic.
A CINCINNATI court has, decided that
any one purchasing a ticket for a theater
after the hour announced for the curtain
to rise will be entitled to any seat in the
house which he finds unoccupied on en
tering.
MR. BURNAM and wife, living near
Hampton, Iowa, in going home from town
in a sleigh, a few days ago, had the baby
with them. The mother wrapped the
little fellow so closely that she smothered
it to death.
FOR pure grit and long-continued pa
tience you want to go to Toledo. A
young lady in that town has sent 11(5
pieces of poetry to a newspaper, and
though all have been rejected she is strug
gling with another.
A CLERGYMAN proposes the abolition of
golden, silver, tin, wooden, and all other
weddings, and the substitution therefor
of an anniversary renewal of the fee to
the minister who officiated at the orig
inal ceremony.
A MARYLAND farmer stayed beside a
railroad track for three hours to tell the
conductor of an approaching train about
a tree that lay across the rails. The grate
ful official explained to him that anybody
but a first-class fool would have cleared
the track.
N ELSON ROBBINB, of Fond du Lac, Wis.,
got drunk and started home the other
night. He fell down, and remained by
the side of the road until his feet ana
hands were so badly frozen that ampu
tation was found necessary.
IN Warren County, Pa., recently, a
horse, ridden at a smart gallop, caught its
foot in a cavity of the road. The foot was
wedged in firmly, and the impetus of the
horse was so great that the hoof was
wrenched completely off. The poor brute
was afterward killed.
A PIOUS old lady near Athens, Ga.,
rather surprised a lot of young folks who
had captured her mansion for a party by
furnishing entertainment in the shape of
a sermon two hours long from one of the
most solemn of parsons. It was a sur
prise party inverted.
A DANVTLLE (Va.)murderer, who lately
had his death sentence commuted to im
prisonment for life, was digging ont of
jail, and had got a hole through the floor
when his commutation came. He ex.
pressed himself satisfied, and gave up a
knife which he had concealed.
A LADY in Kingston, N. H., has died of
44
progressive locomotor ataxia." It was
the general impression among her ac
quaintances, as soon as her disease be
came known, that she never could recover.
The London Sfutalor says that the late
Gladstone Ministry died of the same dis
ease.