The Western advance. [volume], May 23, 1874, Image 1

About The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
VOLUME II.
^tUfad ^iscelhttQ.
THE WIFE.
BT JOHN O. WHITHER.
FROM school, and ball, and rout she came,
The city's fair, pale daughter.
To drink the wine of mountain fair,
Baeide the fiearcamp Water.
Iler step grow firmer on the hills
Thai watch onr homesteads over,
On cheek and lip, from slimmer fields,
She caught the bloom of clover.
For health comes sparkling in the streams
From cool Chacorua stealing,
There's Iron in our Northern winds—
Uur pines are trees of healing,
She sat beneath the broad-armed elms
That skirt the mowing meadow,
And watched the gentle west wind wcayo
The grass with shine and shadow.
Beside bcr, from the summer heat,
To share her grateful screening,
With forehead bared, the farmer stood,
Upon his pitchfork leaning.
Framed in its damp, dark locks, his face
Had nothing mean or common.
Strong, manly, true, the tenderness
And pride beloved of women.
She looked up, glowing with the health
The country air had brought, her,
And, laughing, said You luck a wife.
Your mother lucks a daughter.
To mend your frock and bake your bread
You do not need a lady
Be cure, among these brown old homes
I- wnne one wailing ready—
Some i.tir. »w o' u' 11, with skillful hand
And elm rful heart for treasure,
Who r.c\t p'.ayn' uilh ivory key.
Or danceu the PO.K.I'S measure."
He bent his black brow- to a frown,
He set his white teeth lightly
'TH well," he caul, "for one like you
To choose for me so liglnly
You think, because my life ie rude,
I take no note of sweetness
I tell you love has naught to do
With mcctncsH or unincetncse.
Itself it« best excuso, it asks
No leave of pride or fashion
When silken /.one or homespun frock
It stirs with throbs of passion.
Yon think me deaf and blind you bring
Your winning graces hither
Ac free as if from cradle time
We two had played together.
Yon tempt me with your laughing eyes,
Your check of sundown's blushes
motion as of waving grain,
A music as of thrushes.
The plaything of your summer sport,
The spells you weave around me
You cannot of your will undo.
Nor leave me as you found me.
You go as lightly as you came.
Your life is well without me
What care yon that these hills will close
Like prison walls about me?
No mood is mine to seek a wife,
Or daughter for my mother
Who loves you loses in that love
All powe. to love another I
I dare your pi'y or your scorn
With pride your own exceeding
I fling my heari into your lap
Without a woid of pleading."
She looked upon the waving grass
So archly, yet so tender,
And I will give yon mine," she said,
Will you forgive the lender?
Nor frock nor tan can hide the man
And sec you not, my farmer,
How weak and fond a woman waits
Behind the silken armor?
I love yon on that love alone,
And not my worth, presuming,
Will yon not trust for summer fruit
The tree in May-day blooming?"
Alone the hangbird overhead,
His hair-swung cradle straining,
Looked down to see love's miracle—
The giving that is gaining.
And so the farmer found a wife.
His mother found a daughter
Tiicrc looks no happier home than hers
On pleasant Bcorcamp Water.
Flowers spring to blossom where she walks
The careful ways of duty
O ir hard, stifl' lines of life, with her,
Are flowing curves of beauty.
Our homes are cheerier for her sake,
Our door-yards brighter blooming,
And all about the social air
Is sweeter for her coming.
TONY HARDSCRABBLE'S WIFE.
BY WM. H. BUSBEY.
TONY HARDSCRABBLE was carpenter,
blacksmith, mender of tubs and barrels,
and Jack-of-all-trades for the rural neigh
borhood in which he lived. His little
shop in which he made horse-shoes, shod
the farmers' horses, sharpened plowshares,
made tables, doors, desks, cupboards,
bureaus, and occasionally coffins in
which he pounded away at wonderful
pork and vinegar barrels, and tightened
up dilapidated old tubs and casks—this
little shop was situated at a point in the
woods where an old road crossed a new
one, and was in itself a queer, patched-up,
new and old building. Tony owned no
corner lots, but no one intruded upon
him. His little house, the gray, hewn
logs divided by seams of white plaster
ing, seemed cosy and comfortable and
while the shop opened on the road the
house stood back among the trees. North,
south, east and west were neighbors with
in a quarter or half mile range, and the
neighborhood was thickly settled. But
no one saw the advantage of corner lots
near Tony's shop, not even the speculators
and wise men of the village three miles
distant, and Tony was sole resident at the
Corners, where he had a garden patch
that did not flourish and a family that in
creased rapidly. Tony had a fair skin
where it showed above his elbows and be
low the collar-band of his shirt (collar he
disdained to wear), but his face had a
dark, grimy look. He was strong with
out being stout, and was fond of display
ing his strength and prowess. Hia face
was that of a daring, resolute man, and
his neighbors never took much comfort
in looking at it. Tony was a handy man
and, as the country people said, was not
afraid of work. He never received much
ready money, but he got his pay in shape
of corn or flour or pork, or money in good
time. The people who patronized him
did not neighbor with him, however.
They knew little about the family, but
they inferred that Mrs. Hardscrabble had
a hard time of it. She was a good
natured, round-faced woman, who was
always busy indoors, and who seemed to
take great comfort with her children, all
of which was a mercy, the good old
women of the neighborhood thought, as
she had little comfort in her husband.
Tony's wife in those days did not
make much of an impression. People
caught only glimpses of her, but they
knew she was a comely woman. While
other women of her age in the neighbor
hood were sallow and broken down, Mrs.
Hardscrabble was fresh, plump and
strong. The face was attractive, but had
little character and Tony's wife was
classed among the simple-minded drudges,
and was frequently referred to as a
woman who thought the world and all of
her children, but who had not an atom of
spirit. And Tony was good to her. That
was all people could say about Tony's
wife.
Tony had never been seen at church.
He had certain loose ways and inde
pendent notions that the people did not
like. He considered that there was no
harm in taking a mess of roasting ears
from any man's cornfield whenever he
wanted them. He thought the carrying
off of fine watermelons from some old
farmer's carefully-guarded truck-patch
was good sport. He would take a fine
walnut rail from a fence whenever he
needed seasoned walnut for frame-work
in his shop. He shot game in season and
out of season, on Sundays as well as work
days. He had been accused of shooting
fat young hogs and wringing the necks
of other people's chickens, but only ac
cused. He would take his boys and go
on nutting expeditions on Sundays, and
always had an abundant suDply of wild
grapes, berries, nuts, plums, etc. He was
the freebooter as well as the Jack-of-all
trades of the neighborhood, and was con
sidered a suspicious character.
So, when it was announced that 'Squire
Prim's house had been broken into aud
over a thousand dollars in money taken,
and that the smoke-house had been broken
open the same night, and that the hams
and shoulders taken had been found
buried in the woods near Tony's house,
no one was surprised. Tony was arrested,
had a preliminary examination, was bound
over to court, could not procure bail, and
was sent to the county jail. His trial
came off in due time, he was convicted,
and sent to the penitentiary forfiveyears.
People were agreed that he got what he
deserved, but they were sorry for his
wife. She was left with six children, and
it was too bad. Many of the good women
of the neighborhood' could not find it in
their hearts to help her, as she persisted
in asserting her husband's innocence. She
clung to the man with what these prac
tical women considered a nonsensical,
romantic affection, and they had no pa
tience with her. Others honored her for
her faith in her husband and for her
affection, although they doubted not for
a moment that Tony Hardscrabble was
guilty as charged. The wife and her
boys and girls kept close to their home,
grieving as for a husband and father dead.
After a few weeks Mrs. Hardscrabble was
seen abroad, then at the county seat, and
then, wonder of wonders! this woman,
who had never been a mile from her home
since her marriage, went to the State cap.
ital. Few of the men would undertake
such a journey. Tony's wife received the
compliment of being a plucky woman. In
due time a notice appeared in the county
paper that an application would be made
for the pardon of Tony Hardscrabble.
This the people deliberately and emphat
ically frowned upon, and comparatively
few signed the petition, although it was
presented to every man in the neighbor
hood by Mrs. H. herself.
Everybody was now talking about
Tony's wife. She was constantly going.
There were hints that she or her lawyer
had found new points of evidence. Dur
ing the year she went to the Governor
twelve times with her plea for pardon, and
was met with refusal every time. And
yet she persisted. She went out washing,
went out in butchering time, worked even
in the fields for money, and spent it in
going to and from the State capital.
People reasoned with her and tried to
convince her that there was nohope that
all this effort was worse than useless. She
rarely made any reply except to protest
that her husband was innocent and she
would never rest until she had proved
that he was not guilty and until she had
secured his release. The old ladies pro
nounced her crazy, but their grandmoth
erly old eyes were tender as they said it,
and they thought it was a shame that
such a man as Tony Hardscrabble should
have such a fine woman for a wife. And
while they praised the wife they abused
the husband.
Mrs. Hardscrabble had been to the Gov
ernor's office eighteen times, carrying
each time some new atom of evidence,
some new suggestion from her lawyer,
some fresh concession from the Judge or
prosecuting-attorney, an additional name
from the jury before whom the case was
tried. She haunted the Governor's office
and the offices of the prison authorities.
She always had a personal interview, and
aroused sympathy even while her facts
were considered unimportant. She went
the nineteenth time with a sealed
.etter from the prosecuting-attorney.
She was received with the old smile at
the Governor's office, but waited patiently
for her interview with the Governor him
self, who had almost declined to see her.
Her letter produced astonishing results.
The prosecutor withdrew the charge. The
real thief had been arrested, and had sub
mitted statements in regard to the theft
that showed that Tony Hardscrabble had
not been concerned. The affidavits and
other documents were inclosed with the
formal recommendation for pardon by
the Judge and prosecutor. They joined
heartily in praise of Mrs. Hardscrabble,
and hoped the Governor, in view of the
persistent efforts of the woman, and in
view of the extraordinary circumstances
of the case, would waive all formalities,
grant an immediate pardon, and allow
the woman to take her husband home
with her.
The proof of the man's innocence was
so plain, the statements were so clear, that
the Governor hesitated not to join in the
plan to surprise the woman who had so
worked for her husband's release. She
was asked to wait a moment in the audi
ence-room, and, sad and almost disheart
ened, she waited while glad news flew in
the other room. When the Governor
came to her he held in his hand a parch
ment, and unbent to say:
"Mrs. Hardscrabble, the documents
presented today establish your husband's
innocence. 1 thought you might like to
carry the pardon to him yourself. Here
it is, and I only hope he is worthy of his
wife."
The good woman's face trembled like
her own baby's when about to cry. She
dropped on her knees, caught the Gov
ernor's hand and covered it with kisses,
as she had often, in her loneliness, kissed
her baby. Then came an outpouring of
thanks.
"Your husband is innocent. I do
my simple duty. No thanks are due to
me."
But I must thank some one."
Then, clutching the pardon, she flew to
the penitentiary. In less than an hour
she was dragging her dazed and awe
stricken husband through the Capitol cor
ridors to the Governor's office, to present
him to that officer.
Tony was overwhelmed by conflicting
and tremendous emotions. He was free.
His wife had done it. He knew that.
She had held, the pardon under his eyes,
and he had taken her in his arms and had
given her the first genuine, full-meaning
kiss of his life. He had- always liked
her and had always been kind to her, as
he understood kindness. But he had
never known her. She pulled him along
as though he were a boy. She, who had
never been a mile from home, knew the
Governor. This, to Tony, with his prison
experience before him, was a tremendous
fact. What would happen?
The Governor took him by the hand:
Now, my man, I am glad this is as it is.
And I am glad that you have such a wife.
Try the world again, and let me hear
from you."
That night Tony Hardscrabble's chil
dren clambered about him and awoke
in him a hundred new sensations. He
had never seen such a pretty baby, such
sweet little girls, such well-formed,
healthy boys. And they were all his. He
would try the world again, and he laughed
as he thought how he would astonish the
people.
The shop was open the next morning
and Tony was at work. How his veins
swelled over the motion of a free man!
The story had been told and retold, and
Tony was the hero of the hour. Every
body had something to say about his
wife. She was clearly (judging from the
evidence offered, which Tony accepted
without question) the best woman in the
neighborhood, and Tony was very proud
of her.
For a few weeks affairs moved in the
old way at Tony's. Then, one Sabbath,
there was a departure. Tony and his
wife and children went to church. This
was their first appearance and Tony was
complimented. He declared they needn't
make any fuss over him. He didn't care
for church, but his wife did. She had
remained at home a good many years to
please him, and now he was attending
church to please her. He was a hard
case himself, but he wanted his children
to be like their mother, and he guessed
they would be anyhow. But he was
going to help her now. And then Tony
would drop his voice:
"Just think of it! She made nineteen
trips to get mc out of that scrape, and
spent ninety-five dollars, all of which
money she scraped together herself. By
jinks, I get to thinking about it some
times when I am at work, and I pound a
horse-shoe all to flinders before I know
what I am doing. She's a wonderful
woman, sir, and—and she's my wife. She
can run the boat to suit herself now, sir."
Tony meant what he said. His wife's
individuality was the controlling one at
the Corners. In time there was carpet
on the floors, and then, wonder of won
ders to Tony! a common but pretty pat
tern of paper on the walls. Tony be
came Jack-of-all-trades to his wife.
Couldn't he make picture-frames, brack
ets, and other ornamental and useful
articles for the house?" Of course he
could, and he took great delight in it.
He couldn't sit down and tell his wife,
in words, how much he was surprised at
her better self, nor how grateful he felt,
nor how much he loved her, but he could
work it out, and all his spare time was
devoted to doing things that he imagined
she wanted done. He was simple and
awkward in springing his surprises on her,
or in discovering what she desired, but
the very simplicity of his action made
his acts the more pleasant and touching
to his wife.
Tony became proud of his house. He
would shoe a horse with the old skill and
carefulness as to details, and would talk
as much while doing it, but now all the
talk was about nis own home and when
the work was done he would maneuver
to have his customer go in and look
round, as he expressed it would take
him in to show him a newflour-barrelhe
had made, or anew rat-trap, when all the
time he meant to show him the paper on
the walls, the carpet on the floors, and
the general features ofhis cozy little home.
He was always inviting people to dinner
now, too. He made a childish parade of
his wife and her accomplishments. This
became a habit wrth him, and, uncon
sciously, people encouraged him in it.
Tony was no longer a freebooter, and
made no more raids on Sunday. He
"hooked" no more roasting ears or
watermelons. He carried off no more
rails, and was never accused of shooting
other people's chickens or hogs.
As the improvements at the house as
sumed decided shape, improvements were
inaugurated at the shop. The rambling
old building was straightened up and
brightened up, the fences were made new,
the garden flourished in proper season,
and an air of comfort pervaded Tony's
Corners.
Tony went to church regularly and al
ways took the whole family and at
church he made much of little things. He
devoted more attention to keeping his
children quiet than to the sermon. The
children always had their pennies to put
in the contribution-box, and the day the
baby accomplished the feat of dropping
a bright five-cent coin in the box without
grabbing for the other coins already in
was an hour of triumph for Tony. There
was something pathetic about these little
oddities that appealed to all the tender
ness there was in people's hearts.
In time, Tony would have been indig
nant had any one asserted that he was not
a member of the church. He wasn't clear
in his mind as to when he "joined," but
new customs had crept into his home, new
thoughts into his mind, and new senti
ments into his heart. People said there
was a great change of heart, and, as Tony
was proud of the evidences of such a
change, the people were probably right.
The movement with Tony was steadily
progressive. He groped* blindly at first,
but in time the resolution of the man and
his versatility of talent showed in good
works.
He was now spoken of as Mr. Hard
scrabble, and he neighbored with all the
people. He didn't get above his work,
but he took his work up to a higher plane.
Mothers never objected now to their sons
lounging about Tony's shop. The boys
liked to be with Tony, and even the men
were rather glad when circumstances
made it necessary to go to the shop.
The great change in Tony's life was at
first attributed to the reformatory influ
ence of prison discipline. But, in good
time, people saw with clearer eyes. He
commenced living a better life, not so
much as a matter of conviction as to
please his wife. Under this influence his
convictions were reached and the man
was aroused. He liked the better life and
clung to it. The people now understand
that the instrument used to work the great
change in Tony Hardscrabble was his
wife, and they speak tenderly of her, re
membering what she was and what she
is.—Hearth and Home.
—A little four-year-old girl went run
ning into the house the other day, ex
claiming, Mamma, mamma, I've seen
Jack Frost I've seen Jack Frost!"
"Where did you see him, my darling?"
queried the mother. Oh, I saw the tip
of his tail hanging over the eaves." She
1
had seen an icicle.
A.N I N E E N E N N E W S A E
WORTHINGTON, NOBLES CO., MINN., SATURDAY, MAY 23, 1874.
Trying to "Sell":* Banker.
THE San Francisco Chronicle tells this
tale:
A curious-looking individual presented
himself at the Bank of California and de
manded to see Mr. Ralston. From the
dress and appearance of the man one
would scarcely be led to suppose that he
came in for the purpose of engineering a
financial negotiation. On his right arm,
however, was a large basket of remarka
bly fine and small spotted pupa, whose
heads stuck out in all directions from the
edges of the basket. In a few minutes a
man with nicely brushed hair and soft,
gliding step came out and Informed the
man that he might come in. In a mo
ment more he advanced with a quick step
andmoved within the sacred and charmed
circle where thousands and thousands of
clinking gold twenties jostle and make
music with their fellows. But the noise
occasioned by the clink of wealth did
not seem to attract his attention, and
without seeming to think that the place
on which he stood was "holy ground"
he walked into the private office of the
millionaire and deposited his basket of
spotted bull pups on the floor with the re
mark:
There's them pups, Ralston." At the
sight of the canine beauties the eyes of
the banker glistened with pleasure, and
he leaned over to inspect them. Then
the pup-fancier turned the basket upside
down, and in an instant the whole litter
were running over the soft carpet and
gamboling with delight.
Now, just look at 'em," remarked the
man, waving his hand over the group
the finest strain, barrin' nun, that iver
yelped in this town, you betcher. Now
I want to sell ye the whole lot, and know
in' that you're a little hard up, and strug
glin' to keep a large family runnin', I'll
put 'em down where ye can reach 'em
without straightenin' your elbow. How
much for the lot, the whole of 'em, just
as they are?"
Well, Jack," replied the money king,
you know how I'm situated now—times
mighty hard stocks down money mar
ket depressed, and this new issue of
greenbacks, you know, takes the under
pinning out of things, you know."
"Yes," replied the dog-seller, with
considerable deliberation, I took all
'em things into consideration, ye see, and
concluded I wouldn't put the screws on
ye very heavy on that account. I'll slam
the price down and chuck ye the whole
lot for, say, a—a—." Here the man
paused and hesitated, while he looked
the banker in the eye and seemed to wait
for him to say something. There was an
unpleasant pause.
"Well," said Ralston, "I guess the
price you named is about the thing, don't
you turning to a Chronicle reporter on
his right, who had been waiting for some
time to negotiate a trifling loan of $100,
000. The reporter thought so, too.
Well, all right, so that the whole lot
of these fine bull pups go for the low
bedrock price of $75."
41
Seventy-five dollars! Why, man,
such a sum, in these times, for six spotted
paps! Ain't you joking?"
"Now, look here," pleaded the dog
trader. If you can git any such pups as
them for the same amount of coin I'll
pay forum and eat um raw yes, eat urn
raw."
But dogs, my man, ain't in the demand
they used to be. Dogs are quite common
now, you know, and getting cheaper
every year."
That's so, for the common breed o'
pups but for this yer kind of spotted
pups, not snatched up on every bush—
the finest strain, as I said before, barrin'
nun, that ever wagged his trotter in the
town, for coin—all the coin you can put
up," roared the man, quite excited.
"I know but these spots are not
regular spots, are they? But it strikes
me there is something of an artificial cast
about these spots," and with remarkable
deliberation the banker lifted one on his
knee and began to examine it with great
deliberation with a magnifying'glass,
such as are generally used as a counterfeit
detector. "It strikes me, Jack, these
spots are dyed—put on with a brush."
The dog-fancier did not remain after
this announcement, but got down on the
floor and began to scramble about under
the chairs after his spotted pups, which
he caught, and, replacing them in his
basket, started oft". "Hold on, Jack,"
yelled the banker, laughing heartily,
"you go over and sell these pups to Sam
Butterworth, and I'll pay you all he does
for 'em." "Sam Butterworth! Do you
s'pose Sam Butterworth don't know a
painted pup the minute he sees one I
tried him about half an hour ago, and he
sent me round to you."
In another instant the man had vanished,
taking the painted dogs with him.
A Sane Man Confined in a Lunatic
Asylum for Twelve Years.
COVINGTON, our trans-Missouri neigh
bor, has had a sensation of metropolitan
proportions. For six years she has num
bered among her residents a man named
Thomas Carter and a woman named Mrs.
Dracott, the twain, as it is alleged, bear
ing relations to each other which it is in
cumbent upon couples in similar circum
stances to have ratified according to law.
Twelve years ago they were residents of
Oregon, the woman being the wife of a
man by the name of Dracott, who was
worth at that time the very comfortable
sum of $95,000. By conspiring with a
couple of the physicians connected with
the Territorial Insane Asylum Carter and
his paramour succeeded in kidnapping
Dracott and having him wrongfully in
carcerated in the institution on a charge
of insanity, thereby gaining possession of
his fortune. For twelve long years this
villainous fraud upon Dracott had been
kept up, depriving him of his liberty and
compelling him to associate with luna
tics and madmen. By some means he
succeeded in conveying knowledge of his
deplorable situation to persons outside,
and an investigation of the matter was
instituted. So strongly had the job been
put up, however, that an expense of
$40,000 on the part of the authorities was
required in order to break up
the toils by which Dracott was
held. The efforts at ferreting out
the iniquity finally led to the dis
covery of the prime actor in the
monstrous imposition. A United States
detective was instructed to proceed to Cov
ington and procure the arrest of Carter
and Mrs. Dracott. Upon arriving at
Omaha the officer learned that Carter had
started for Salt Lake City. He tele
graphed to Ogden, and succeeded in se
curing the arrest of his man at that place
on last Wednesday. Yesterday he went
to Dakota City to examine the county
records for the purpose of discovering
what property the pair had, in order that
proceedings may be instituted for trans
ferring the title of it to Mr. Dracott, as a
partial restitution for what he has been
deprived of by the machinations of the
guilty parties. Carter has invested some
money in Covington and Dakota County,
and was one of the principal capitalists
who gave that town the impetus it had
three or four years ago.
We hope that whatever wrong has been
committed may bring to its doers a
prompt punishment, but it is out of the
reach of possibilities for the unfortunate
Dracott to ever realize anything like an
adequate recompense for the misery and
mental anguish he has endured while
suffering as the helpless object of the cu
pidity of a faithless wife and unscrupu
lous knave.—Sioux City (Iowa) JfUrnal.
Crumbs.
THE only way to hold our own iz to
keep advancing—no one can set still and
do it.
It duz seem that all mankind luv lies
more than they do truth. How menny
people do yu suppoze thare iz in the
world who wouldn't rather listen to flat'
tery they knu waz false than to reproof
they knu was just?
Wize men laff at most things in this life
—it iz only the phools who gap and
swallo.
Yu kant allwuss tell how mutch a man
iz really tickled bi hearing him laff.
Thare ought to be a masheen invented to
meazzure the joy in him, just az thare iz
to find out how much water thare iz in
milk.
Honesty iz the basis ov all that iz good
or even remarkable in enny man.
The reazon whi everyboddy luvs a
child, and pets a puppy, iz bekauze they
are so natral.
Whenever yu see a phellow who iz for
ever and amen in a red hot hurry, vu kan
make up yure mind that he hafnt got
mutch to do, and but little kapacity to
do it.
Good breeding iz nothing more than
the art ov knowing howtowaitpashuntly
till our turn comes. A little child wont
do this, and a little pig kant.
Gossip iz more ketching than the
meazles iz.
The quickest way to take the humility
out of a man who iz forever blaming him
self for sumthing iz to agree with him.
This ain't what he iz looking for.
Book larnin iz all a man needs in this
life, provided he spends hiz daze in a
closet.
Next to a bad man I am allwuss the
most afrade ov a cunning one.
Familiarity kan only be prakticed with
safety amung the well bred—fools and
puppys will run right over yu with the
least bit ov encouragement.
Thoze who never laff seem to hav died
before their time cum.
Every human being haz hiz own pri
vate sorrow, and thoze who whissell arc
wizer than thoze who weep over it.
A conceited man iz a grate fraud, but
he never cheats enny beady so much az
he duz himself.
He who dont want what he haint got
haz got all he wants and iz happy,
whether he knows it or not.
The covetous man is like a sponge,
which takes in all the moisture that cums
near it, and lets out none until it iz
squeezed.
A cunning man iz seldum wize, and not
allwuss honest.
The man who never deceives himself iz
the hardest kind ov a man for others to
deceive.
If mankind had been satisfied with the
bare necessitys ov life, we should to-day
be just about*az far advanced in the arts
and sciences az Cain and Abel wuz.
Double sixes area good throw with the
dice, but thare iz one better throw than
that—throw them into the fire.
Prudence is a most necessary virtew it
aint safe to be karless, even with an in
timate friend.
No man haz ever lived to be so old, and
so wize, that he couldn't learn sumthing
from experience.
Thare iz a grate menny ginger-pop peo
ple after they hav been unkorked for a
fu minnits, they git to be dredphull flat.
—Josh Billings, in N. Y. Weekly.
A Toung Woman Unconscious for Five
Days.
The New Haven Journal of a recent
Monday records as follows the case of a
young lady in that city, about nineteen
years of age, who had been lying in a
cataleptic trance since the night of
Wednesday of the previous week: She
retired on that night in full possession of
health, and in the morning she was found,
body and limbs perfectly rigid, and has
remained so ever since, last evening show
ing no change in her situation. Respira
tion and pulsation are regular and nat
ural, but she has been unconscious and has
taken but a very trifling amount of nour
ishment. The lady had been subject to
catalepsy for eighteen months past, and
has at times, without a moment's warning,
become perfectly rigid and remained so
for longer or shorter intervals, sometimes
for hours, sometimes for only a few mo
ments. She has been seized when about
reaching her hand for an object, and in a
moment would lose all control of her mus
cles. Another singular circumstance at
tending this case is that about a year ago
she lost all power of speech for twenty
four hours, but being at the time con
scious, making known her wants by
signs. When regaining her speech she
could articulate nothing but the German
language, a language which she had not
been in the habit of using, and which her
parents were not aware she could speak,
except simple words. Her parents are
both of German birth, but the daughter
has not been in the habit of conversing
in the language, but while in this state
she spoke it with great fluency, greatly
surprising her parents, who had never
heard her use the language to any extent.
The disease of catalepsy, or trance, it is
well known to medical men, is a disease
of the nervous system rarely met with,
but not necessarily fatal."
—A lady in the country was unwise
enough to fit out her boy of five with fish
ing tackle. Soon she heard a shout from
the barn-yard, and found one of her very
best hens had swallowed the hook and
was fast winding up the line in her crop.
Of course she was greatly troubled, but
all the comfort she got from the young
fisherman was this: "Don't worry,
mother, I guess she'll stop when she gets
to the pole."
—The best absorbing substance for
easing the pain of bee-stings is fresh lean
meat. This will relieve the pain of a
wasp sting almost instantly, and has been
recommended for the cure of rattlesnake
bites. It is also used with marked effect
in erysipelas.
VIRGINIA boasts of a blue horse, the
only one ever heard of.
CURRENT ITEMS.
THE New York detectives are success
ful in only one case out of nineteen re
ported.
WTOMING has finally decided to call its
female Justices Justices of the Peaces,"
and to fine any one who growls about
grammar.
A KANSAS girl wouldn't be married
without a yellow ribbon around her waist,
and a boy rode eight miles to get it while
the guests waited.
IT is said that if women didn't talk so
much mo9t of them would live to be ninety
years old, but what object would life be
if they couldn't talk
A KENTUCKY farmer says that three
good bull-dogs roaming the yard Bights
will do more to keep a man honest than
all the talking in the world.
A YOUNG, unmarried clergyman, of
Brookport, Pa., offers twenty cords of
wood for a good wife. He retains just
enough for crematory purposes, in case
she isn't a success.
MRS. WILLIAMS, of La Crosse, talked
too much, and her husband filled her
mouth with wafers, but the court decided
that this wasn't no wafer to stop her and
fined Williams $25.
ONE-HALF the world doesn't know how
the other half lives. For the benefit of
the first half it may be stated that John
Giddey, of Illinois, has eaten nothing but
boiled eggs for six months past. He is
yolked to his idol.
THE town of North Providence, R. I.,
has only one pauper to support. This in
dividual has a farm all to himself, with
carriage, horses and cattle, food provided
by contract, and a poormaster and family
to take care of him.
THE Brunswicker, of Missouri, says:
There is an undefinablc something about
some men which commands our respect
whether we see them heading a conquer
ing squadron or bending in lowly toil
over an onion bed."
A PITTSBURGH man sold his wife the
other day for five dollars and a second
hand suit of clothes. She heard of the
transaction before the delivery took place,
and his neighbors say it will probably
cost him about fifty dollars to get well
again.
A MAN in the Philadelphia insane asy
lum imagines himself a woman. He
dresses in female attire and parts his hair
in the middle. During the day he asso
ciates with the females and does sewing
and embroidery of the finest kind.
A DANBURY house cat was cremated the
other morning. She had crept into the
kitchen oven during the night, and in the
morning got accidentally shut in. When
the oven was opened to bake the break
fast rolls her remains weighed but thir
teen and three-quarters ounces.
IN Lawrenceburg, Tenn., a tax-collect
or named Weaver killed Justice of the
Peace Green when the latter wasn't pre
pared." On his death-bed Green vowed
that he would haunt his murderer night
and day for taking his life without fair
play." And sure enough the ghost of the
slain has driven the slayer crazy by its
constant presence. Such is the story.
—We observe a tendency among news
paper writers to indulge in redundant ex
pressions. For instance, the Louisville
Courier Journal says: "Two physicians
are in attendance, and it is thought he
cannot recover." It would have been
sufficient in this case to have said simply
Two physicians are in attendance."—
New York Mail.
A GENTLEMAN connected with the press
of this city celebrated on the 2d of May
his birthday, his wife's birthday and his
wedding-day. It was the twentieth anni
versary. When married, the joint ajjes of
his wife and himself were fifty years. On
the last 2d of May the joint ages of his
children were fifty years. These coinci
dences are rather remarkable.—Cincinnati
Enquirer.
CONGRESSMAN LAMAR spoke like a true
patriot when, in tendering the South's
tribute of respect to the memory of
Charles Sumner, he exclaimed: "My
countrymen! Know one another and you
will love one another." But, granting
that we possessed that knowledge, how
many of us could put our hands in our
pockets and respond to the request for
the loan of a quarter with unhesitating
confidence?—Brooklyn Argus.
TnE Chicago police have found a den
where forty boys are kept in charge of an
old scoundrel who is training them to
beggary. He sends them out in the
morning with the understanding that
each boy returns at night with fifty cents
or partakes of a flogging in default. The
ages of the boys range from seven to ten
years, and most of them are hired out by
their parents for one dollar a week to
their intellectual employer.
THE girls of a California seminary late
ly developed a singular fancy for using
three one-cent stamps instead of the reg
ular kind upon their envelopes. The
letters were so very plain and matter-of
fact, and the attempts at evading surveil
lance in the old-fashioned way grew so
scarce, that one inspecting teacner inves
tigated this whim. Audio! the cunning
creatures had taken to writing tender,
emotional little epistles to their lovers
under the stamps.
A courLE of facetious drummers who
were on a train of cars that was going
very slowly up a sharp erade near Bur
lington, Vt., the other day, made consid
erable fun ef the conductor for the slow
ness with which the cars were moving,
and began to amuse themselves by jump
ing off from the rear car and running
around the train. Soon, however, the
cars reached the top of the hill and began
to spin off at a rapid rate. One of the
men succeeded in jumping on, but the
other was compelled to walk four miles to
the next station.
THE Secretary of the National Associa
tion of Veterans of the Mexican War has
issued a circular calling the attention of
those interested to the fact that an ob
stacle has been thrown in the way of
obtaining pensions for the surviving vet
erans of the Mexican War by the probably
extravagant estimate made by the Com
missioner of Pensions of the number of
such survivors. The circular calls for a
thorough canvass of every State and Ter
ritory of the Union, through the instru
mentality of the town, county and State
organizations of the Association, and the
enrollment as soon as possible of the name
of every known survivor, or widow of a
veteran of Mexico, the postofflce address,
his rank, the company, regiment, com
manding officer of each term of service,
when and where enlisted and discharged,
and the same to be forwarded -to the First
Secretary of the National Association of
Veterans of the Mexican War (address,
A. M. Kenaday, Lock Box No. 37,
Washington, D. C), to enable him to pre
pare the rolls for the inspection of the
NUMBER 37.
Committees of Congress before the close
of the present session, if possible. The
Secretary says: In this way only can a
reliable estimate be arrived at for an
appropriation and it is confidently
hoped, if our case is to be fairly consid
ered and public sentiment regarded, that
Congress will promptly vote an amount
sufficient to cover the applications thus
presented."
Mysterious Demonstration.
A RATHER tough story, and one to be
taken with many grains of allowance,
comes from Oakland, Cal. A few
nights ago the residence of Mr. Clark, the
paying teller of the J*ank of California,
was the scene of an extraordinary ghostly
demonstration. The family, consisting of
Mr. and Mrs. Clark and three young
gentlemen boarders, retired about 11
o'clock. For a time everything was quiet
about the house, and its inmates had all
fallen asleep. Suddenly from the lower
part of the house came a long, loud wail
of anguish, as of some one in terror or
pain. Louder and louder grew the noise,
until the infernal clatter had awakened
every one in the house. A desire for
companionship seized the boarders, and
they all gathered together in one room,
and were soon joined by Mr. and Mrs.
Clark. The noises still continued, but
changed in character very frequently.
An exploration was at length decided on,
and, leaving Mrs. Clark in charee'of one
of the boarders, the party carefully de
scended the stairs. Each had a revolver
in one hand, and with the other nervously
clutched the bannister. The hall was
dark as Erebus, though when their
eyes became ace istomed to the dim light
tney could perceive any object that might
be in the rooms below. The noise con
tinued, and now and then a note would be
struck on the piano. Just as they reached
the foot of the stairs a chair came glid
ing out of the parlor and took up its po
sition in the doorway, bowing and nod
ding as if to reassure their fears. Rush
ing past the chair one of the party en
tered the parlor and lit the gas. Here
they saw a strange sight. Every article
of furniture in the room was in motion.
The chairs and tables moved about like
animate things, and appeared to take no
notice whatever of the intruders. Grad
ually the noises ceased and the furniture
became stationary. After waiting awhile
the party returned to their respective
rooms. In a short time the noises began
again, and again the boarders descended
the stairs. To their inexpressible surprise
they found the parlor door taken from its
hinges and deposited on the floor. After
that there was no sleep in the house. In
the morning the furniture was found to
be disarranged and much strained. The
outside bars and bolts were perfectly se
cure and there was no trace to show that
any one had entered the house. An ex
planation of the phenomena is awaited.—
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Doubtful Land Titles.
PEOPLE in the North who think they
own land on what is known as the Cum
berland plateau in Tennessee—and we are
informed there are a good many such—
will do well to have their titles thorough
ly investigated by competent and trust
worthy lawyers before paying any more
taxes on them, according to a correspond
ent who writes to the Sun from that re
gion. These lands lie on the top of the
Cumberland Mountains, and the State law
allows one man to enter 5,000 acres in his
own name, and no more, either direct
ly or indirectly but many persons
have entered as many as 100,000
acres or more, using the names of
other persons, and afterward having
assignments of entries made to them
selves. We are told that large quan
tities of these lands have been sold or
traded to people in the North, the pur
chasers receiving quit-claim deeds. It
would appear that the traffic must have
been pretty extensive, as the records show
that county surveyors have in some in
stances certified to having surveyed as
many as twenty 5,000 acre tracts in a sin
gle day! The great drawback to the
value of these lands is that in many in
stances the owner of a claim for 5,000
acres finds on investigation that there are
several older claims for the same prop
erty ahead of him, while there is nothing
to prevent any enterprising citizens
who feel so disponed from putting
two or three more entries on top of
his, and as likely as any way the last one
will hold good against all its predeces
sors, so defective and fraudulent have
been the practices in relation to surveying
and selling these lands. Besides, under a
State law, any person who has a color of
title and has enjoyed seven years' peacea
ble possession of a tract of land thereby
acquires a possessory title to all within
his bounds, no matter who owns the bona
fide title, provided there is one. It would
appear that filing claims one over the
other upon the same land has been rather
encouraged by the authorities. The
county receives taxes on all the acres
which are supposed to lie in layers several
thicknesses deep various officials receive
fees when they are bought and again
when they arc sold for taxes dishonest
lawyers get well paid for making pre
tended searches and. fraudulent reports
while the surveyors make money every
time they survey the same piece of ground
for a new claimant. In addition to all
this there is the chance that a non-resi
dent owner may have sent the money to
pay his taxes to a dishonest agent, who
has pocketed it and permitted the land to
be sold for the benefit of common schools.
On the whole, real estate situated on the
Cumberland plateau appears to be very
uncertain property.—JIT. £. Sun.
THERE is a man in Iowa who is thought
to be a lunatic from the fact of his declar
ing that his wife is a witch, and that he
can see her flying around the room astride
of a broom. It is sad, indeed, to contem
plate such a wreck of mind in a fellow
man. And sadness is intensified until it
borders upon unutterable apprehensions
when one reflects upon the awful conse
quences that sometimes arise from so
trivial a circumstance as the suggestion
on the part of a husband to the partner of
his domestic joys that perhaps—only per
haps—that last spring bonnet could be
made over into one that might do this
season.
—The production of lumber last year
on the upper Mississippi and its tribu
taries is estimated at 1,032,163,628 feet,
both logs and lumber being included.
The supply of logs on hand for the season
of 1874 is estimated at 815,500,000 feet.
—The production of wool in the United
States during the last four years is thus
set down by the Commercial Bulletin: In
1870,125,000,000 pounds 1871,112,500,000
pounds 1872, 135,000,000 pounds 1873,
148,500,000 pounds.