The true northerner. [volume], June 28, 1878, Image 6

About The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920

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TIIAXATOrftlfc.
BY MILIUM Ct'LLKN BRTANT.
To him who, in t he love of nature, hold
Onmuunion with her visible lorun, the speaks
A various language: for his K"!" hours
hiM has a voice cf Kladness, and a nolle
.Asi .doquence of beauty; and she glides
nu his darker luusiugs with a mild
And centle sympathy, that steals away
Theti sharpness', ere he ta aware. When thoughta
Of the hut hitter hour coine like a blight ,
Over thy spirit, and the ad images ;
CX the atern agony, and shroud and pall,
And breathl darkness, and the narrow house,
Make thee to shudder and grow sick at heart,
io forth under the open sky, and list
To nature's teaching, while from all around
Karth and her waters, and the depth of air
Come a still voice: Vet a few days, and thee
The all-behold ing sun shall ae no more
In all his course; nor yet in the cold ground,
Where thy pale form waa laid with many tears,
. i .i.i ,.,..rar nf rvcn. shall exist
tht iiuaue. Earth, that nourished thee, shall
claim . . 1 .W I
Thr grow i h, to be resolved U earth again ;
And. lost each human trace, surrendering up
Thine Individual being shalt thou go
To mix forever with the elements;
To be a brother to the insensible rock.
And to the sluggish clod, which the rude swain
Turns with his share and treads upon. The oak
ihall send his roots abmad and pierce thy mould.
Yet not to thine eternal resting place
tShalt thou retire alone nor couldst thou wih
Couch more magnificent. Thou ahalt lie down
With patriarchs of the infant world with kings,
The powerf ul of the earth the wise the good,
Fair forms, and httary seers of ages past,
All in one mighty sepulchre. The hills,
Hock-ribbed, and ancient aa the aun; the Tale
frit retching in penaive quietness between;
The Tenerable woods; r.Ters that move
?n .nain.i an1 i h rom nlaininir brooks.
That make the meadows green; and, poured round
all,
Old oceans' gray and melancholy waste
Are but the solemn decorations all
Of the great tomb of man. The golden aun,
The planets, all the infinite hosts of heaven,
Are shining on the sad abodes of death,
Through the still lapse of age. All that tread
The globe a-e but a handful to the tribes
That slumber in dta boHom. Take the wings
Of morning, traverse Barca'a desert sands,
Or lose thvself in the continuous woods
Where rolls the Oregon, and bears no sound
Save his nwu dashiugs yet the dead are there 1
And millions in those solitudes, since first
The Hlght of years fcogan, have laid them down
In their last sleep the dead reign there atone!
So shalt thou rest : and what if thou withdraw
In silence from the living, and no friend
Take note of thy departure! All that breathe
Will sharo thy aestiny. The gay will laugh
,. When thou art gone, the solemn brood of care
l'lod on, and each one, a before, will thane
Ilia favorite Dhantom : vet all these shall leave
Tbtir mirth and their employments, and shall
And make their bed with thee. As the long train
come
Of ages glide away, the sons of men -The
youth in life's rfcun spring, and he who goes
- Jn the full strength of years, matron and maid,
And the sweet babe, and the gray headed man
final I, one by one, be gathered to thy side
Jty those who in their turn shall follow them.
S live, that when thy summons comes to join
I'tm inniiiiiorulila rnravaii that tiiovpn
To the pale realms of shade, where encrt shall take
tits chamber in me sneni nam 01 ueniu,
Thou go not like the quarry-slave at night,
Scourged to his dungeon, but, sustained
soothed
Hy an unfaltering trust, npproach thy Rrave
J.iko one who wraps the drapery of his couch
About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.
and
' NASNIE.
I 2vnnot set down in so many words
iust when or how it came to be under
stood between my partner, John Still-
man, and myself that I was to marry his
daughter, Nannie, when she was old
enough. I have a vague impression
that she was in long clothes at the time
we hrst talked of it.
Her mother died when she was a little
girl, and old Mrs. Stillman took her
home to the family houHe at Owl's Cor
ner, one of the prettiest little villages I
ever had the gpod .fortune to see. But
Nannie was 18 when I first met her as a
woman, and this was the scene of our
meeting. ' ' k
John had sent for me to come to
Owl's Corner on a certain July day,
promising to drive over to the station
and meet me,' as my elderly legs covered
the ground but slowly. W e had re
tired from business, rich men both,
some five years before, and correspond
ed regularly. But I had been abroad,
and this was my first visit to Owl s Cor
ner in ten years. I remembered Nannie
as a romping child, fond of swinging on
the gates, climbing up grape-arbors, and
imperiling her neck fifty times a day,
John always saying on eaci occasion:
"She's a little wild, but she'll get
over that.
i waited at the station lor naif an
hour; then, seeing no sign of John, I
started to walk home. It was midday
and fearfully hot, and when I accom
plished half the distanco I turned off the
road and started through a grove that
gave me a longer walk, but thick shade.
I was resting there on a broad stone,
completely hidden by the bushes on
eyery side, when I heard John's voice:
" Where have vou been?"
There was such dismay and astonish
ment in the voice that I looked up in
surprise, to find that he was not greet
ing me, but a tall, slender girl coming
toward him. ouch a sight I bhe was
dark and beautiful, dressed in a thin
dress of rose-pink, faultless about the
face and throat, but from the waist down
clinging to her, one mass of the green-
cat, blackest, thickest mud and water.
In the duck pond," she answered
-wifn-a voice as clear and musical as a
viiime of bells. " Don't come near me."
" You aro enough to wear a man into
his grave !
There, don't scold," was the coax
ing reply ; " little Bob Ryan fell in face
down. It did not make any material
difference in his costume, but I was afraid
he would smother, so I waded in after
liim. The water is not over two feet
deep, but the mud goes clear through
to China, 1 imagine. It is rather a pity
about my new dress, isn t it?
"A pity !" ronred John ; "you'll come
to an untimely end some day with your
freaks. As if there was nobody to pick
a little brat out of a duck pond but
you 1"
"There actually was nobody else
about. There, now, don't be angry. I'll
go up to the house and put on that be
witching white affair that came from
New York last week, and be all ready to
drive over to the station with you, at
wbat time ?
About o. Ljawrcnce is coming on
tho 2:10 train."
And I had come on the 12:10. This
accounted for the failure to meet me. I
kept snug in my retreat until John and
Nannie were well on their way home
ward, wondering a little how many
young ladies in my circle of friends
would have so recklessly sacrificed a new
dress to pick up a beggar's brat out of
the mud.
When I. in my turn, reached tho
house, John was on the porch, waiting
for N annie's reappearance. He gave me a
most cordial welcome, or rather a lunch
con, called JNannie, nis mother, and a
man to go for my trunk, all in one
breath, and seemed really rejoiced to
oe no.
Presently a slender girl, with a truly
bewitching " white dress, trimmed
with dashes of scarlet ribbon, and
smoothly-braided black hair, tied with
scarlet bows, came demurely into the
room and waa introduced. But the half-1
shy, half-dignifled company manner
soon wore away, ana nannie ana 1 were
fast friends before dinner. She sang
for me in a voice as deliciously fresh as
bird's carol; she took mo to see her
pets, the new horse that was her last
birthday gift from "papa," the ugly
Iltue Dootcu wirier witu uio utHtuioiui
brown eyes, the rabbits, Guinea hens,
and the superannuated c Id pony, who
had preceded the new horse.
In a week 1 was in Jove as much as
ever John could have desired. Nannie
was the most bewitching maiden I had
ever met, childlike and yet womanly,
frank, bright, and full of girlish freaks
and boyish mischief, ana yet well edu
cated, with really wonderful musical
gifts, and full of noble thoughts. Bhe
was a perfect idol in the village, her
friends and neighbors thinking no party
complete without her, while tiie poor
fairly worshiped her.
John allowed her an almost unlimited
budpIv of pocket-money, and she was
lavish in all charity, from blankets for
old women, tobacco for old men, to can
dies for the children, and rides on horse
back for the urchms. And she had a
way of conferring favors that never
wounded the pride of the most sensitive.
We rode together every morning ; we
walked in the cool evening hours ; we
spent much time at the piano, and dis
cussed our favorite authors, and one day,
when I aRked Nannie to bo my wife, she
said, coolly :
Why, of course ; I thought that was
all understood long ago.
I was rather amazed at such matter -
1 1 1 11- 11.1-1 11- - 1
of-fact wooing, but delighted at the re
suit. How could I expect tny soft,
blushing speeches ? , I suppose I ranked
just where John and Nannie's grand
mother did m her affection.
But one morning, when Mrs. Stillman
was snipping her geraniums in the sitting-room
and John was reading the
morning's newspapers, Nannie burst in,
her beautiful face all aglow, her eyes
bright with delight, crying : ' -
"Oh, grandma I . Walt has come
home ! I saw him from my window rid
ing up the road." -
She was going then, lust as John ex
claimed: '
" Confound Walt !" .
" Who is Walt?" I naturally inquired.
"Walter Bruce, the son of one of our
neighbors. He has been like a brother
fr MnnniA nil lipr lif Vint Trnnf nfT tr
Europe two years ago, when he came of
age. lhey wanted to correspond, but 1
forbade that. So he has turned up
again." . '
It was evident that John was terribly
vexed, and I very soon shared his annoy
ance. Y alt, a tall, handsome young
fellow, improved, not spoiled, by travel,
just haunted the house.
Ho was generally off with Nannie as
soon as he arrived, and blind to jurs.
Stillman's ill-concealed coldness, and
John's sarcastic speeches about boys and
puppies.
As for me, by the time my sleepy eyes
were opened in the morning, Nannie
had taken a long ride with Walt, was at
the piano when I came into the room,
and Walt was walking beside Nannie
when the hour for our usual stroll ar
rived. And the very demon of mischief pos
sessed the girl. There was no freak she
was not inventing to imperil her life,
riding, driving, boating, and I fairly
shivered sometimes at the prospect of
my nervous terrors when it would be my
task to try to control this quicksilver
temperament.
But one day, when I was m the sum
mer house, a very rueful little maiden,
with a tear-stained face, came to mv
side.
" Walt is going away," she said.
"Indeed."
"Yes, and he says I'm a wicked flirt."
with a choking sob; "I thought I would
ask you about it.
"About what?"
"Our getting married. You know
papa told me I was to marry you ages
and ages ago."
"Yes."
"And I knew it was all right if he
said so. But Walt says you must be a
muff if you want a wife who is all the
time thinking of somebody else.
" And you know I can't help it. Walt
has-been my friend ever since wo were
always together. And when ho was in
Europe papa wouldn't let us write to
each other, but I kissed his picture every
night and morning and wore his hair in
a locket, and thought of him all the
time. And he says you won't like it
after we are married."
" Well, not exactly," I said, dryly.
"You'll have to stop thinking of him
then."
"I don't believe I ever can. And so
I thought I'd tell you, and perhaps
perhaps you will tell papa we don't care
about being married after all. I don't
think I could ever be sedate and grave
like an old lady, and of course I ought,
to if I am to be an old man's wife."
"Of course."
"And I am so rude and horrid: I
know I am not lke nice city girls, and I
am altogether hateful, but Walt don't
care,
I rather agreed with Walt as she stood
in high confusion before me, her eyes
still misty, her sweet lips quivering.
It was a sore wrench to give her up
but I was not quite an idiot, and I said.
gravely:
"But your father?"
" Yes,! know; he'll make a real storm.
But then his storms don't last long, and
maybe you would tell him that you have
changed your mind, lou have, haven t
you ?
les; the last nan hour has quite
changed my mitnmonial views.
I could not help smiling, and the next
momenJ two arms encircled my neck, a
warm kiss fell upon my cheek, and Nan
nie cried:
"You are a perfect darling, a perfect
darling, and I shall love you dearly all
my life."
So when I lost her love I gained it.
She flitted away presently, and I gavo
myself a good mental shaking up, and
concluded my fool's paradise would soon
have vanished if I had undertaken to
make an "old lady " out of Nannie.
John's wrath was loud and violent.
He exhausted all the vituperative lan
guage in the dictionary and then sat
down, panting and furious.
"Come, now," I said, "what is the
objection to young Bruce? Is he poor?"
"No, confound him! He inherits
his grandfather's property, besides what
his father will probably leave him."
Ts he immoral?
"I never heard so."
" What does ail him, then I"
" Nothing, but I have 6et my heart on
Nannie's marrying you."
" Well, you see she has sot her heart
in another direction, and I strongly ob
ject to a wife who is in love with some
body else.
"What on earth sent the puppy
hornet"
Love for Nannie, I imagine. Come,
John, you won't be my father-in-law, for
I will not marry isannie 11 you are ever
so tyrannical, but we can jog along as
usual, the best of friends look I"
I pointed out of the window as I
spoke. On the garden walk, shaded by
a great oak tree, Walter Bruce stood,
looking down at Nannie with love-lighted
eyes. Her beautiful face, all dimpled
with smiles and blushes, was lifted up
to meet his gaze, and both her little
hands were fast prisoned in his strong
ones.
John looked. His face softened, his
eyes grow misty, and presently he said :
' 1 X nxrr Tinnrw nil A in TiflwrAnftA "
"And we will not cloud her happi
ness, John, I answered. " I his is
right and fitting. Nannie is too bright
a May flower to be wilted by being tied
up to an old December log like me.
So when, half fearful, the lovers came
in, they met only words of affection, and
Nannie s face lost nothing of its sun
shine.
She was the loveliest of brides a few
months later, and wore the diamond
naruro I had ordered for my bride at
her wedding. And she is the most
1 1:4.1 . i jmnmr.Al-.lA nTl.
charming little matron imaginable, with
all her old freaks merged into sunshiny
cheerfulness, and her husband is
proud, happy man, while I'm Uncle
Lawrence to the children and the warm
friend of the whole family.
SfiABLY $2,000,000 A YEAH
The 1111 Fundi to lleduce Intemperance
and Taxation Simultaneously.
A special committee of the City Coun
cil of St. Louis has made i report
strongly in favor of tho adoption of th6
bell-punch .system of taxing malt and
alcoholic liquors. They say that, ' upon
information furnished by a distinguished
Virginian, they are satisfied that tho rev
enue in Virginia this year will be nearly
double what it was last year, and the
Auditor of tho State asserts that its work
ing is satisfactory to saloon proprietors
and to the people to such an extent
that if it were put to a vote in Vir
ginia now it would pass by more than
nine to one." Tho committee claims
that the tax is not an involuntary one,
but a voluntary tribute by the consumer.
Ho is not compelled to take the drink
and the . saloon-keeper is not charged
with the tax until he has collected its
from the consumer. The effect of the
law would be measurably to decrease the
number of cheap whisky shops, and to
increase the consumption of beer. The
statistics in Itichmond. Va,. for two
months, show that in that city, in Sep
tember, 1877, the alcoholic registrations
were 126,880, and the malt registrations
135.53G. In the month of ApriL 1878
after the law had been some time In op
eration, the number of alcoholic regis
trationswas 119,535, and of malt 150,807,
The committee are of opinion that
upon the diminution of alcoholic con
sumption may be safely predicted an in
crease of sobriety and a diminution of
crime, thus decreasing the necessary ex
penditures for police and tho criminal
courts and jails.
Coming to the important question of
revenue, the committee estimates that
$000,000 would be realized in St. Louis
from beer alone, and that the sale of
whisky and other alcoholic drinks would
certainly double this sum, thus showing
a revenue from this mode of taxation of
near $2,000,000 a yer. Besides the
floating population, strangers as well as
residents would thus help to bear the
burden of taxation.
The committee paint a alowincr pict
ure of the practical benefits likely to
result from the bell-punch. The now
filthy streets would be well paved, th
bonded debt of the city would be rap
idly retired, and St. Louis, independent
of creditors, would be one of the hap
piest, as it is one of the most energetic
and prosperous, cities of the Union.
Tom Thumb and Jenny LInd.
"Where's Tom Thumb now, Mr.
Barnum?"
"He is living in Middleborough
Plymouth county, Mass., near Taunton
Ho is a great, big fellow now; weighs
eighty pounds. Yet he draws' pretty
well. He and his wife and Gen. Grant,
Jr., and Minnie Warren give drawing
room entertainments every winter,
They net about $200 night. Tom
Thumb should be very well off. But
he has squandered a good deal of his
money in yachts, etc. He is 41 years
old. I will tell you something in the
strictest confidence. Minnie Warren
you know, who married Gen. Grant, Jr,
(his real name is Newell), a short time
ago, is in a very interesting condition
She is a nice little thing. Her parents
and the other little people s parents all
live in or near Middleborough.
" Is Jenny Lind poor ?"
"Not a bit of it. The reports to that
effect in the newspapers were the gross
est slanders all that story, you remem
ber, about her husband's being a spend
thrift and making way with her money.
He sued one of the publishers, and
proved in court that Jenny is worth
$2,000,000. She made $1,000,000 in
America, and Mr. Goldschmidt invested
it so successfully that it has doubled it
self. He is a real nice, quiet, little fel
low, a Jew though he became a Chris
tian when he married her and three
or four years younger than she. I saw
her only a year ago. She is well and
ftPPy She has a grown-up son and
daughter. Sir Julim Benedict, the
composer. Jenny's old teacher, told mo
that the daughter would have been as
great a singer as her mother ever s if
she hadn't been rich. As for the ion,
he knows that Jenny is rich. He likes
to spend the money, and Jenny likes to
have him." Interview with Barnum.
At this season of the year many valu
able cows die from what is known as the
" clover bloat," and it may be well to
know some simple remedy. A physi
cian in Divcnport, Iowa, says turpen
tine will cure nearly every case. One
fourth of a gill is an ordinary dose.
IUTTLES OF LONU AtlO.
Trifling Loaaca In th Continental "Wara aa
Compared With Those of Later Yeara.
From the Coruhill Magazine.
It was the glorious epoch, that of the
peninsular war! Nine-tenths of the
names embroidered in golden letters on
our regimental colors were won m tho
five years intervening betweeen 1809 and
1814. The story of that time has s'.ill
power to recall to us memories full of
the glories of battles won from Napo
leon's greatest captains, of sieores in
which the terrible valor of our soldiers
was pre-eminent, of marches and feats
of endurance never paralleled in our
modern history, before nor since. But,
though the battles of the peninsular war,
auu Diiu uuoro me crowning victory 01
Waterloo, are household names among
11s, we have wholly lost sight of a fact
that, at the time, did much to influence
the national joy over our victories; that
fact was our long-continued failure in
any portion of Europe to oppose the
legions of the republic or empire. On
the coast of i? ranee, in the low countries,
in Flanders, in Sicily, in Corsica, in Na
ples, at Genoa we had utterly failed to
maintain our own attacks, in i:crvpt
alone had our land forces been success
ful, and in Egypt every element of suc
cess was on onr side. From 1793 to 1809
we had not a sinele result to buow on
the continent of Europe for the X300,
uuu.uikj which we had added to tho na
tional debt in that period. Our expedi
tions to France, Spain. Portugal, Hol
land, Italy and Corsica had all ended in
complete failure. It was on this ac
count that the victories of the following
years appeared so glorious. The nation's
faith in its army had reached its lowest
ebb. and tho reaction of victory was pro
portionately great. -
liut tne greatness of tho success in
Spain and at Waterloo did much toward
hiding from view then and since the act
ual josses we sustained. When we here
state that our entire loss in killed in
Spain, Portugal and Flanders, including
all battles, engagements, skirmishes,
siecres, and sorties did not amount to the
loss in killed suffered by the Germans.in
the two battles of Gravelotte and Sedan,
we state a fact which will doubtless as
tonish many readers. Yet it is never
theless true. A statement of our actual
losses during the years from 1808 to 1815
iliclusive will be read with interest" in
these days of breech-loaders :
1H(H, includinK llollca and Vlmiera 1W
1hii, including Talavera , 777
1810, includluK Uuhoo, eto.k .. IV)
1811, including Darossa, Alburra.et ' 1,401
1412, including Ciudad ltodrlgo, ttadajoz, Sal
amanca, llurgos, etc 1,900
1813, including Vlttorla, Pyrenees, San Sebas-
tUn, Kivelle and Ntve 2 231
181 , including Orthcz. Toulouse (572
1815, including (juartre Bras and Waterloo.... 1.S29
,254
But from this total must be taken
1,378, tho number of foreign soldiers
killed in our service, leaving 7,876 as
the entire loss in killed during the whole
war in Spain and Portugal, together
with that of Quartre Bras and Waterloo.
Six thousand men killed in the entire
peninsular war ! Not half the liussian
loss at Evlau. less than the Russian loss
before Plevna, less than half the Freneh
dead at Waterloo.
Out-Door Sports.
, The season has now arrived when out
door sports are apropos. The, caterpil
lar has left his den, the mosquito has
turned over in bed and uttered a warn
ing shriek, and big green worms are sky
larking around on shade trees, and
betting on their chanoes of dropping
down behind a man's coat-collar.
An interesting lawn game is played as
follows:
At the supper-table the wife remarks:
" James, I want $10 to fix up my sum
mer silk. Don't go away without leav
ing it."
James makes no reply, but manages to
slip out of the house unseen. He is
stealing softly across tho lawn to jump
over the fence at the corner, when his
wife comes rushing out and exclaims:
" James 1 James J see here !"
He begins to squint into a cherry-tree
and talk about moths.
" You walk back here and hand over
that cash, or I'll send for my mother tc
come and stay all summer !"
According to the rules of the game, he
turns and looks at her, and mutters to
himself:
"That wilts me 1"
"The idea of your skulking off like
that!" she continues; when he ad
vances, hands out the "X," and, if he
can convince her that ho had as soon
give her $20 as $10, he wins the game
Another out-door game is played be
tween 10 o'clock in the evening and
midnight, in order to avoid the heat of
tho sun. It is played altogether by
married people. Nilte o'clock having
arrived, and the husband not having
reached home, the indignant wife nails
down the windows, locks all the doors
and goes to bed, feeling as if she could
smash ner partner in a minute and a
half. Along about 11 o'clock Charles
Henry begins to play his part in the
game. He is suddenly seen under tho
kitchen window, ne seeks to raise it.
He tries another and another, but the
sash won't lift. Then he softly tries all
the doors, but they are locked. The
rules of the game allow him to make
some remarks at this juncture, and it
generally begins to rain about this mo
ment. As he gets under the shelter of
the garden-rake, he muses :
"Nice way to treat me, because I
found a stranger on the walk with a
broken leg, and took him to the hos
pitah"
As the rain comes harder, he boldly
climbs the front steps and rings the
bell. After about ten minutes the door is
opened, a hand reaches out and pulls
him into the hall, and the game goes on:
" Oh you vile wretch 1"
"Jarling, whaz mazzer whaz iz it,
jar ling?
1 ' Don't darling me. nere it ia almost
daylight, and I've shivered and trem
bled, and brought on a nervous fever
which may carry me to my grave !"
"Jarling. I found a leg on tha side
walk wiz broken man, and 1"
This ?ame is alwavs won by the wife.
Another, and the last out-door game
to be described here, is called " Waiting
for Her Darling." A woman waits for
her husband to spade up a flower-bed.
The Eastern question absorbs his whole
time. She goes out to wield tho spade
herself. The game is very brief. Sbe
tries to dig in the spade by pressing
with both feet at once, and when sho
gets up and dashes into tho hoape she
realizes that she rolled over three times
and barked her nose against the iron
vase, and that four carriages were right
opposite the house at the time. She
may have a speech to deliver when her
husband comes to dinner, but the hus
band wins the game it is so in the rules.
Detroit Free Pre.
A Man, a Pail of Molasseg and a Dog.
A Uanbury grocery firm have taken
the agency for a hammock. One of the
articles they have hung at the front in
tho shade of their porch. They hung
it there as an advertisement, but numer
ous peple have got into it to see how it
worked. It hung so low they could
easily sit in it, and undoubtedly the mo
tion was agreeable and comfortable.
But the grocers did not fancy this per
formance, especially as the hammock-
sitters were not hammock-buyers. Sat
urday afternoon they removed the loop
to one end from the hook, and fastened
it by a bit of twine instead. Shortly a
man came in for two quarts of molasses.
It was put up in his pail and a paper
tied over the top, as he had forgotten to
bring a cover. When he passed out he
saw the hammock. His curiosity was
aroused at once. The grocers were
busy inside, so he thought he would in
vestigate on his own hook. With that
keen intuition peculiar to a New En
gland man, he saw at a glance that it
was something to get into. He knew
that it was nothing to wear, and was
equally sure it could not be arranged
for cooking, ne sat down in it. Then
he swung backward and lifted his
feet up. Then the twine fastening
gave way. It was a dreadful affair.
He had the pail of molasses sitting
on his lap, and there was a dog sit
ting under the hammock. Neither
the dog nor the molasses expected any
thing, any more than the man himself
did. It was a terrible surprine to all of
them. The man and the dog lost their
presence of mind, and even tbe pail lost
its head. The molasses went into his
lap. and ran down his legs, aid swashed
up under his vest, and insinuated itself
some way in between himself and his
clothes. And when he went down he
hit the dog with his heel on tho back,
and the dog was so wild with terror
and amazement that it sent up a head
splitting yell and fled madly down the
street, having first taken the precaution
to bite him in the leg, and to tip over a
tier of wooden water pails. When the
pails went down a lot of hoes were car
ried over with them, and that started a
box of garden seeds mounted on a box,
and they in turn brought away a pile
of peck measures whose summit was
crowned with a " pyramid of canned to
matoes. It was a dreadful shock to the
man, and nearly paralyzed him with its
magnitude; but, when one article follow
ing another came avalanching atop of
him, he thought the evil one himself
had burst loose, and ho iust screamed
as loud as he could. The molasses was
all over him, and the garden seeds had
adhered to the molasses, and he looked
more like a hugo gingerbread stuck full
of caraways than anvthincr else. In
this awful condition he waddled 'home,
and swore every step of the way.
Danbury News.
Stewarts Estate ,
Stewart provided in his will that all
his business and the real estate directly
connected with it should be inherited by
Judge nilton, who had been his conn
dential adviser for several years. All
his other real estate he bequeathed to his
wife. The actual value of tbe business
and of the real property connected with
it was not publicly known then, nor has
it been made known since. The whole
was estimated at $30,000,000, and I am
inclined to think that fieure was not
much out of the way. It included the
wholesale house at Chambers street, the
retail house at Tenth street, and, some
twenty mills engaged in manufacturing
fr tho firm. All the hotel property was
outside of the business, and together
with a number of houses in different
parts of the city, went to Mrs. Stewart.
Those who speak of decline say that tb
business part of the estate is worth $5,
000,000 less to-day than at Stewart
death, and some of tbem predict that
five yeara more will produce bankruptcy.
Such predictions, however, are some'
times mere folly, and this may be one of
that sort. The estimated value of the
entire real estate in this city in 1875 was
S10.000.000. This included the two
stores, which wero supposed to be worth
$3,000,000. The up-town store is built
on leasod ground and tho fee is, there
fore, not so valuable as might be sup
posed. Deducting tho value of the
stores, which became the property of
Hilton, the real estate bequeathed to
Mrs. Stewart was worth $7,000,000
year before her husband's death. As
much of this property is situated in
parts of the city which are steadily going
backward, such as Bleeker street, Amity
street, Ninth street, Pine street, and so
on, its value has undergone a serious de
cline since that time. Good judges say
that at least $2,000,000 must be taken
off for depreciation. They speak in the
same way of the property at Hempstead,
and with probably as much reason
There is no doubt that the whole estate
has shrunk several millions since Stew
art's death, but then it is not by any
means certain that the same thing would
not have happened if Mr. Stewart wero
still alive. Some very shrewd busines,
men havo become bankrupts in the past
three years. Aew iork letter,
A Snake in the Eye.
There is a horse at Penn Yan, N. Y.
with a snake under the leDS of one of
its eyes. The reptile is comfortably lo
cated in the watery humor of the left
eyo, is about three feet in length, per
fectly formed, of a white color, and
about the size of an ordinary darning
feeuie. ji is piamiy visuue, ana is con
tantly on the move, wiggling and twist
ing in every direction. Its presence does
not seem to annoy the horse in the least,
and has evidently created no inflamma
tion in or about the eyo. It has, how
ever, changed the color of the eye-ball
it being of a lighter shade than that of
the right eye, and has affected the sight
somewhat. The snake was first dis
covered about two months since, when
it was much smaller than it is now. How
it came in tho horse's eye is a question
which puzzles scientists. The above is
told by the Penn Yan Kxpren. The
snake may have been In the editor
eye.
Mrs. Elii Keats CnrTCHErt. a errand
niece of the poet Keats, died recently in
liouisviue, ivy.
l'OOK J ICK.
At Mount Desert one dar last auimber
The cat-boat Fleur-de-lis
Waa sailing like a perfect bummer,
Close-reefd thongh running free,
When one of I'hl ade'phla'a daug hU-r,
The youngest of the Hhumway-l'oiiors,
Bbid sbe would like to a e
If abe ould Jtb, and, qntck as thought,
Mb jibbed and snapped tbe tnant off short.
',() dear," sbe cried, struck all aback,
44 Vou will eicuse me. wont you, JackT"
And Jack, although bis lip be bit,
Ileplied, 4 Of course, don't mention it."
Sbe chanced to play a game ef tennis
At Newport once last fall.
And, being clumsier than a ben is,
Hne could not serve at all.
And then tbe maid, wboae tresses rolled
Adowa ber back in wares of gold,
Qot mad and slammed the ball.
It inisaed tbe net. but reacbM a pond
Where turtlea wallowed far beyond.
" O dear." sbe cried, struck all aack,
44 You will txcuse me, won't you. Jack?
And Jack, altbough bis lip be bit,
Kepi led, 44 Of course, d.n't mention it.4
Upon the sands of Pigeon Cove,
Beneath the harvest moon.
She dearly loved with Jack to rove,
And now and then to spoon.
And wb-n poor Jack, who liked ber well.
Ventured bia tender tale to tell,
Tbe pretty little coon.
With U ardropa in ber bright blue eyea,
Exclaimed, in sorrowful surprise,
I thought you we-e a friend. Jack ;
Yon wil excuse me, won't you Jack ?"
And Jack, although severely bit,
Ileplied, Of course, don't mention it."
Harvard Lampoon.
WIT AJiD HUM OH.
Tite hen becomes a rooster when the
sun goes down.
Presidents and Chancellors always
have their little vices.
Why is the sun like a good loaf ? Be
cause it's light when it rises.
The spring overcoat, like the oyster, i
has nearly reached ita pawning season.
Mr. Budd asked her, " Rose, wilt
thou be mine ?" Rose answered, " I am
sorry it can not be a Rose can not be
turned into a Budd."
MTnEY tell me old Skinflint is losing
his sight." "Put up job; he's going
blind to sate his dog-tax. Blind men's
poodles are exempt, you know."
See," said a sorrowing wife, " how
peaceful that cat anddog are." 'Yes,"
snid the petulant husband, " but just tie
them together, and see how the fur will
fly!"
When a certain minister referred, in
the midst of an eloquent discourse, to
the nave in the church, three gentlemen
offered their pews for sale, on the
ground that he was becoming too per
sonal. . . i !
A mild criticism t does one good.
" What was the sermon about this morn
ing i asked a mother oi her child.
" Well, was the reply, '" it was about
let me see it was about twenty minutes
too long; that's all I remember." t
"Pa," said a little bov, 5 years old,
" 1 saw a lion and a lamb lying side by
side in the meadow this morning."
" Tut, tut, James. Don't tell such sto
ries, said the lather, "l tell you 1
did," persisted the child; " but it was a
dande-lion."
Chicago Tribune.
A share-holder A plow.
The 2rst tanner The sun.
A soft's nap A noodle asleep.
An ice thing A Polar expedition.
A "clear" case Jumping a bail-bond.
To mako a man feel sheepish " Lam"
him. ; ' '-
Bootless attempt Trying to go bare
foot -
In writing, millers use floury lan
guage.
A pair of suspenders A brace of
hangmen.
A case of suspenderod animation A
man with braces on.
The man isn't very hungry who avers
that he is above board.
In very warm weather the schoolmas
ter is the only man who keeps his collars
straight.
The discrepancy between pepper and
good soil is One is ground fine, and the
other is fine ground.
The difference between a goose and
some men is, that the goose never gets
into hot water until it's dead.
Cincinnati llrfakfas'; Table.
A nod leJlow A policeman.
A popular field ofiictr A kernel of
corn.
Hard times The time to leave our
downy couch in the morning.
Somehow, we do not hear of the
graves of the physicians being robbed.
Mary had a little lamb but it was
very little in her boarding-house hash.
There is a wonderful power in imagi
nation, but it gets weak in the knees
when it undertakes to shoulder circus
lemonade.
Sit down and think it over. Did you
ever know a little man who could cut
a watermelon or mako a motion at a
caucus without an air of fussy im
portance ?
Science is making long strides, and
tho present days will bo red-ietter days
in the history of human progress. But
we will never bo perfectly content un
til some one suggests a plausible ex
planation of the fact that "hand-picked"
apples are always plentiest the day after
a storm.
Chicago Commercial Advertiser.
Pattern women The dressmakers.
The lawyers' paradise Sioux City.
A typo who is a good pointer is a good
setter.
Harmless waves Those of ladies'
handkerchiefs. v
We say " laying hen," instead of "a
lying hen," because she is on-nest.
Why is a man with a natural footless
leg like a mule? Because he is stub-born.
When a man "spits cotton" is it a
sign he has had to do with any cotton
gin?
The sting of a bee carries conviction
with it. It makes a man a ready bee
leaver in-sects.
The reason why editors hate their
manners corrupted in lecause they re
ceive so many evil communications.
Twelve youths have been sent by the
Emperor of Morocco to be educated in
France. Though bound in . Morocco,
they are to bo lettered in Paris.
A thief, in fleeing from his pursuer,
slipped and fell on a piece of ice and
was captured. This is what may be fitly
termed " stern just-ioe."
TnE Corrcotdcncia de Espana
says that from tho beginning of the Cu
ban insurrection up to January last
133,555 soldiers died in the hospitals
from wounds or disease, and 12,500 on
the fields of battle; 37,72fi were dis
charged: and about 100.000 insnrgente
j were either killed in battle or shot after
I being made prisoners.