The true northerner. [volume], July 29, 1886, Image 6

About The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920

Image provided by: Central Michigan University, Clark Historical Library

                
I1ARIE.
E7 AI.KU M. DRADFORD,
Now hat thee, oil, hiMten, my darling.
House, love, from thy dreams 'reatii tho sea,
I'm wait. iu', niv beautiful Idosaom,
I luUa thee, I lnics th -o, Marie.
Ah. why art thou silent, my lost one?
l'alo w avf sweeping over the sands
lie ply with a nioun. How they mock mo,
And Wat with thoir shadowy hand.
OH, call to me, dear, o'er tho Mllows :
Thine eye' sunny light I would see ;
Bhinoout. oh, thou star of my heavt-ut
I need thee, I need tue, Mario.
I list for thy voice, and Ita music,
Ijow chiming with innocent glee.
Oh. surges witli snowy-tippod lingers,
lUtuin now my trousurj Mar.o.
Come, swrctone, ) rest lightly my forehoad,
Ah. 'tis hut tl.o sjuuy ! the h.mi.
Awake fioui thv cnn-rocko I slumber,
And smilo t.irough tho shadows Marie.
Ah. never again from tho ocean
My birdling ahull flutter to mo :
Hut ovor tho tide I hhull greet then,
And clasp theo, my angel Mario.
Appk'ton, Wis.
My Wife's Pet.
hy nelson iieksh.
Ho wns not her dog.
5ut she thought he was, which amounted
to the Biime thing.
She fondled him as affectionately as
though she hnd owued tho soli? propiietary
right and title in him. She looked upon
him with undisguised pride. She put him
through all his little tricks with an en
thusiasm that time could not abate nor
repetition tire.
Tho truth is, my wife was fond of dogs.
She liked animals in general and dogs in
particular. And the dogs liked her. The
tacit hut mutually complete understanding
between her and them was soniethirg abso
lutely wonderful. In the nine years of our
married life I had never seen a dog that
would not make friends with mv wife on
first sight, without waiting for a formal iu
troduciion. Hopkins, cur neighbor across tho street,
once bought a German mastitt for a watch
dog. The German mastitt is by nature tho
most ferocious and blood-thirsty of tings.
Hopkins' was uncommonly savage. The
brute had a im;th like a coal-scuttle, and
his voice kept tramps at a distance of many
blocks f re. m tho house, siuiini r and winter.
He win a valuable dog in this rt spect.
The Hopkines called him "Cyclone," be
cause desolation marked his path. H
would ea. nothing but chunks of raw meat,
and it w.'is k dangerous to get within range
of his ravenous n;aw that they hail to stand
off and ft-ed him with a pitchfork. Of
course they kept him chained all day, and
when he was loosed at night no one ever
ventured out of the house.
Well, oue day my wife went over to the
Hopkinses', and "Cyclone" saw her. He
was fastened with a giant-size log-chain,
but he broke away ami rushed toward my
wife. The Hopkins women fled into the
second stoiy of the house and screamed.
They expected to have a balcony view of a
human sacrifice right there. Hut tho bar
baric spectacle did not come oil" as adver
tised. When "Cyclone" had given a prac
tical illustration of the second axiom in
Euclid by covering the shortest jnissiblo
distance between his kennel and tho spot
where my wife stood, ho stopped. He looked
into my wife's face and my wife smiled.
From that moment tho huge brute was a
changed dog. He rubbed up against my
wife, fawned at her feet, and (so she sol
emnly avers to this day) actually purred
liko a kitten. That settled it. She and
"Cyclone" became lirm friaids, but the big
German mastiff was never worth his keep
as a watch-dog afterward. His feio. ity of
disposition entirely disappeared, and old
man Hopkins gave him to a butcher in Mil
waukee. Since the Milwaukee butcher took him
"Cyclone" never has been seen alive.
1 mention this merely as an instance. It
is only one of many. Th history of our
family is full of just uich cases. Time and
again have I seen my wife followed in the
street by a procession of dogs that would
have reached more than a block, single tile:
orphaned dogs, vagrant dogs, dogs of high
and low degree, from the once-pampered
greyhound throw n by some sad and sudden
reverse in fortune i'rom a homo of luxury
out into a cold and boneless w orld, to the
ginger-colored mongrel that never had a
home.
Hut I digress.
Notwithstanding my wife's remarkable
fondness for dogs, she never had a dog
which she could call her own until she got
tho one I started to speak of. As 1 said
before, the dog in question was really not
her dog, but she thought he was, and when
my wife makes up her mind on a point of
that kind the matter is settled to all prac
tical intents and purposes. Jut here, it
may be prope r for me to explain how my
wife came by the dog. It happened liko
this:
My wife has for many yeais been a lead
ing member of a well-known humane
society. She has also bt on President of an
association ior the prevention of cruelty to
angle-worms. This association has ac
complished a great work, not only in pro
tecting tho worms but in restricting the
ruthless slaughter of lish owing to scarcity
of bait. In view of its successful work in
this direction, the association recently
passed a set of resolutions declaring the
belief of its members that the gratifying
decrease noted in fishermen's lies this
season is duo rincipally, in an indhect
way, to the association's far-reaching
efforts.
Sho has also taken an active part in the
work of an organization devoted exclusively
to tho amelioration of the condition of the
caniuo race. It has made phenomenal
strides tho last two seasons. Year before
last it devised a scheme, now in successful
operation, for washing white, poodles with
out getting sonp in their eyes; and last year
it devoted the greater part of its time 1 1 the
consideration of a painless roeoss of re
moving fleas from dogs without killing the
fleas. The organization is still busy with
this work.
From her connection with these societies
my wife's fondness for the brute creation in
peneial and dogs in particular became
known to all our friend. Among others
were the boys in tho ollice. They at onto
began to manifest great interest in animal
life. They attended several meetings, at
which my wife delivered addresses, and
after sho had been down to the office and
talked to them two or three times they
joined the Association for the Prevention
of Cruelty to Angle-worms and the Society
for th Amelioration of the Condition of
the Conine Pace, in a body.
After this thing had been going on some
time the head chrk in the ofiioe came in
one evt ning, with a sml'e on his faco ami a
dog at his heels. He said the dog was for
my wife. He thought she would liko it,
and ho wanted me to take tho dog home. I
objected at first, but tho clerk insisted. I
am the smior partner in tho firm, but when
the head clerk insist ho generally carries
his point. I would repel with scorn and in
dignation an insinuation that I am afraid of
that man, yet he rarely requests anything
that is not granted, lie is a valuable man
around the office, and it is hij way.
Ho I took the dog home.
He was a good-looking dog of the cockcr
spaoiel variety. Ho had unujnlly long
silken ears, and eyes that spoko with silent
eloquence. His tail was handsome enough
to have made tho rest of tho dog jealous.
Theie was no trace of guilo in his face, yet
that dog was capable of the basest ingrati
tude. Put I anticipate.
1 got homo with tho dog about eleven
o'clock that night. My wife had retired
before we reached tho house. She is not in
the habit of rising to greet me, under ordi
nary circumstances, but ns soou as sho bo
came aware of the dog's presence she got
up. In fact sho devoted the greater part of
the night to welcoming him into tho family
circle. The head-clerk had shown mo how
the dog could sit up, cany things back and
forth, shut a door, walk on his hind legs,
lie dowu and roll over, say his prayers,
shake hands, and perform other common
dog tricks; but before ho had been in the
house half an hour my wife discovered
tlut tho dog had far greater accomplish
ments. Among other things she tound that
he could, at the word of command, look
cross-eyed; that he could Perform the pe
culiar trick of taking his long silken cars
in his teeth and, without other assistance,
tying them behind his head, and that (this
particularly pleased my wife) ho would
beat time with his tail to such popular
tunes as "IVek-a-Poo." "Sweet ioiets,"
44 See-Saw." and tho "Mikado Waltz," at
the same barking the accompaniment to
them.
I had nearly neglected to mention the
time of the dog's anival. It was one of
the coldest Saturday nights last winter.
This may seem a trivial, even an irrelevant,
point. Such was by no means the case.
The state of tho weather played a most im
poitant part in future developments.
After continuing to welcome the dog un
til a late hour, my wife made a bed for him
of my ulster and such soft material as was
near at l and. She then came to bed, first
putting an extra scuttle of coal in the base
burner to prevent him from taking cold.
Parly the next morning she was aslir. So
was the dog. Ho had 1 icirtno somewhat at
home by this time, and I never saw my w ife
more pleased over any visitor in the house,
not excepting her own mother. Preakfast
was unusually late that morning, but as it
was Sunday, and as I have made it a rule
never to find fault around the house any
w ay sine ? my wife once went into hysterics
because I was in a hurry for a meal, I did
not complain. besides, I saw my wife was
enjoying the dog's company, and I did not
feel like casting a shadow over her tm
usually good spirits. Tho dog, as I said,
took her attentions kindly. Ho seemed
perfectly contented, and my wife remarked
that for a si range dog ho was extremely
sociable. This pleased her. for sho said
she had noticed that most dogs in a new
family were inclined to be bashful and
ditlident; but she thought this dog would
be willing to stay with us right along. I
began to think so, ti o, he made himself
so entirely at home. The way in which he
brushed a bisque vase off the escritoire with
his tail, overturned my wife's waste-basket,
and helped himself to a bone from tho
table while we were at breakfast, would
have convinced a total stranger that he had
been a member of the family for years.
Alkr hicakfat I suggested that the dog
might not be accustomed to continual con
finement in the house, and that perhaps
it would be well to let him have a little ex
ercise outdoors. Mv wife objected at first.
She feated he ini.ht get his feet wet and
and contract pneumonia. I pointed out the
improbability of such a calamity, in view
of the fact that many dogs are obliged to
hustle around all winter for a living. I
also told her that the cocker-spaniel was
fond of water in any form, and especially
of snow. This seemed to convince her. She
opened the door and cullml to the dog, but
he evinced no desire to leave a comfortable
bed which he had made for himself of my
best coat on an ottoman.
My wife at once insinuated that I evi
dently was not so familiar as I might be
with the habits of that breed of dog. After
she had closed the door, however, the dog
changed his mind. 1 made no reply to my
wife's caustic insinuation, and she permit
ted him to go.
As he passed out she bestowed a kindly
word upon him, and cautioned him not to
stay long enough to catch cold. The dog
seemed to understand perfectly. He hesi
tated on the threshold and glanced back. I
stldoni have se. li such an expression, even
upon the face of a human being, and never
upon a dog's face. I shall never forget
that look. His great, eloquent eyes beamed
with affection and gratitude. They said,
as plainly as words could hae said: "Oh,
no! never fear. I can never thank you
enough: a whole life of love and devotion
could not r.'pay your kiudnefs. I will be
back in fifteen minutes."
Vet, as I have before hinted, that dog
was capable of the basest ingratitude. His
smile was the smile of deceit. His affec
tion was, like Prince Lorenzo's gayety, all
upon the exterior.
That dog never returned.
At the end of fifteen minutes my wife
began to worry. When half an hour had
elapsed she Isjcanie nervous. When an
hour had passed she was greatly agitated,
and she remarked that it was all because of
my suggestion to let the dog out, in the tirst
place. She said she believed I made that
suggestion on puipo-ie, and that she knew
when she let him out he would never come
back. She said she had felt certain of it.
I assured her I had no sinister motive in
the matter, and inquired, in my always
mild wav, why she hail let the dog out at
ull if she knew he wiuld not return. She
seem' d hurt by this query. She said it w as
adding brutality to meanness. I did not
discuss the matter further.
There are two windows in the front sitting-room
that face upon the street. After
my wife had matte sure the dog was not in
the back yard she stationed herself at one
of these windows to watch for him. Anx
ious to remove her suspicions as to tho sin
cerity of my feeling toward the dog, 1 took
up a position at the other window. I at
tempted at tirst to cheer her by encouraging
remarks and hopeful reflections upon the
dog's absence, but she would not be com
forted, and I desisted. We silently sat
and watched. One of th? bitterest storms
of winter was raging out of doors. Put
for the howling of the wind as it madly
tossed the snow, or the barking of a dog in
the di-tance, the solemn silence of our
igil was unbroken. Pvery time a dog
barked, up went my w ife's window, and out
went her head. Of course I infttated her
example. I never before hail noticed that
our neighborhood contained a greater num
ber of dogs than any other rpiarti r of town
I do not even now believe that it does
yet it seemed to that day. It seemed to be
populated principally whh dogs. I never
saw so many dogs in the slrcet in oue day
in my life ns pushed our house that cold
Sunday; and tho barking dogs in tho dis
tance apparently outnumbered the double
procession that tiled by from two directions.
At intervals of three to live seconds tho
voice of some new dog would be heard.
I'ach time my wife would imagiue that was
her dog, nnd each time up went two win
dows ami out went two heads. Once my
wife saw a dog four blocks up the street
that she thought looked liko the faithless
cocker-spaniel. He fore I could remon
strate she had thrown a nubia over her
head, nnd without other wraps rushed out
into the wicked storm. Naturally, by the
time she reached the second block the dog
was gone. She h id hardly got back into
the house, chilled through as he was. when
she heard another bark. Up went the win
dows again. There was tho sam.1 do" she
had boon chasing up street. Thi time he
was three blocks down the street. Out
shot my wife once more in her partially
clad condition. When she reached the
street tho dog had again disappeared.
Put why prolong these painful details?
The raising of two windows and poppiug
out of two heads continued ull that somber
Sabbath, but three blocks was the nearest
my wife ever came to recovering that do,'.
The next day my wife was taken down
with u heavy cold, contracted from
her constant exposure at the open win
dow. Her cold developed into a critical
case of pneumonia, accompanied by
tonsilitis. Two days later I went to bed
with congestion of the lungs, contracted at
the other open window. We both were
dangerously sick, and u doctor was called
in. He attended us three days, and we
rapidly grew woise. At the end of the
third day I refused to have the doctor call
again, and also ordered the servants to ad
mit none of the neighbors. From that
time we began to improve. At the end of
the second week my wife was well enough
to sit up, and I got about again a week
later. In the course of the next ten days
we were both fully restored to health.
When the doctor heard of our recovery ho
sent in a bill for $115, which I refused to
pay, and which is still in the courts. I had,
however, to pay $50 for drug.
Thero never will bo another dog in our
family. I had settled that point in mv own
mind beyond tho peradventure of a doubt.
Nothing can efiect u revulsion of feeling in
me; not even the hated alternative of a
divorce suit. Put I believe this latter to
be a remote contingency. I believe there
will never be another allusion to a canine
subject in tho house. Since our sickness
neither one has made any reference to the
cmse, although I feel confident each has
thought with equal frequency, if not, per
haps, with exactly the same emotions of
mv wife's dog.
Tin' Hairy ('ovcrinir of the (iorilhi.
Tho hairy coat of tho gorilla consists
of long, thick, straight or stillly curved
bristles, and also of shorter, thinner,
and curled woolly hair. On tho crown
of tho head tho hair is somewhat still",
from twelve to twenty millimeters in
length, and it becomes erect under tho
inlluenco of anger. While tho sides and
fore part of tho chin are only clothed
with short, stiff hairs, they grow thick
ly on tho back part of the chin like a
beard or forelock. Tho hairs which
turn outward from tho sides of tho
faco and on the neck are thirty or more
millimeters in length. On the shouldeis
tho hair is from pjo to 1"0 millimeters
long, hanging down on tho upper arms
and tho back. In tho middle of tiro
upper arm the hair is from fifty to sev
enty millimeters long, growing down
ward as far as tho bend of tho elbow.
At this po.'nt it generally begins to
grow in an toward direction. On tho
back of tho forearm it again grows
downward. In tho middle of tho fore
arm, on its inner side, a parting of the
hair takes place, as one portion goes in
the front of tho radius, while the other
portion turns behind the ulna. On tho
back of the wrist a tuft of curved hair
turns upward, a middle tuft goes di
rectly back, and tho lower tuft, also
curved, turns outward. On tho back
of tho hand tho hairs turn toward tho
fingers. On tho breast and belly the
hairs are shorter and grow more
sparsely. On tho breast their direction
is, as a rule, upward and outward. On
tho belly they converge from tho ribs
toward tho center of the navel. On
the thighs tho hairs are about lf.O
millimeters long, and here, as on tho
lower part of tho leg, they tend out
ward, whilo on tho back of the foot
they grow toward the toes. On tho
back shoulders and on the thigh and
leg tho bristles are slightly curved.
This quality increases the general im
pression of sliagginess and Ueeciness
which is produced by the hairy coat of
theso creatures. Tho woolly hair does
not grow very thick, and is not much
matted. Hubert Jlartman, in 1'ujt
ular Science Monthly.
To t lie Credit of Women.
For a wonder, it is now tho fashion
for women to bo as healthy as she can.
Fresh air is admitted to bo a good tiling
for tho complexion. No ono disputes
that a girl wht is an invalid can walk
live miles a day without dying of fa
tigue, and an hour's canter on a good
horse is recommended as a moro help
ful pastime than lying abed or reading
French novels. The new style in
women has not arrived a bit too soon.
American women were getting to be a
worthless lot, sprightly enough in intel
lect perhaps too sprightly- hut pain
fully deficient in bodily development
and' health. Hut they were never en
tirely to blame. Degenerate man
seemed to like them that way possibly
because he was in the same box him
self. To tho credit of woman be it said,
that sho would rather bo round-limbed,
strong of chest, fair of cheek andbright
of eye; and it is a notable fact that as
soon as tho rising male generation took
to athletics nnd to bracing up general
ly, the girls promptly followed tho good
example.
Unhappy .Marriages.
Tho universal expectation of married
people is, that their married lives will
always bo happy ones. Deluded dream
ers 1 They imagine that they are dif
ferent from other people, and that when
they enter tho portals of matrimony,
love, peace, and prosperity will ever bo
their attendants. Such had better con
sider themselves the same as others,
but form iron resolutions to do differ
ent from other married peoplo reso
lutions that will keep them from tho
dangerous coasts on which so many
have been wrecked and ruined. Un
happy marriages depend upon many
causes. Previous to marriage, many
try to appear moro intellectual, moro
amiablo or moro accomplished than
they really are. Depend upon it, .that
lovo brought into existence by moon
light stroll, strengthened by deceit and
fashionablo displays, and finally con
summated through the inlluenco of in
triguing friends, will fade in after lifo
almost as fast as tho tlowers which
compose the bridal wreath.
An Expensive Timepiece.
That is a handsomo watch you aro
wearing."
"Yes, I flatter myself it is rather
neat."
"Pathcr costly. eh?"
"Costly? I should say it was. I
have had to pay two per cent, a month
on it all tho time sinco I've had it."
Xcw York Graphic.
SHOTS AT A KARK 31 A UK.
Sport with tliH Itaitutlfiil lUgglana, or IJirtl
of I'arMitU.
From tho London Field.
As Now (iuinea at present occupies a
good deal of tho attention of tho outer
world, some account of that part of tho
country favored by tho bird of paradise
may bo of interest to somo of your
readers.
A party of girls, on sighting us, camo
tumbling down in quest of tobacco.
They were exceedingly affablo and en
gaging in their ways, and had no false
modesty about them. Having rested a
few minutes, during which 1 made as
many engagements to chow bitel nut
(New (luinean method of makirg lovo)
with the most tempting of tho crowd, I
scrambled up the retnainderof tho way.
After three miles tramping through the
grass wo arrived at the head of a dry
watercourse, which led into the depths
of the forest. Wo were now on the
verge of the haunts of tho raggiaua.
Huge trees roso towering abovo our
head, while the undergrowth of shrubs,
creepers, and "lawyers" was so denso
and tangled that no animal with any
body liko that of a wild boar cou d
forco its way through. The trees with
which tho hills aro covered are very
loftv, oud bare of branches or foliage
to tho height of PJO to 150 feet. It is
on tho uppermost boughs of these trees
that tho bird of paradise gambols, and
ono requires a close-shooting gun to
kill at that distance.
After being kept awake a great part
of the night by the murmur of tho
natives chatting around thoir lire, I
dropped oil" to sleep, and was awakened
just at daylight by a shaking and a
voice hoarsely whispering "jiako" (rag
giana). I roused myself and listened.
The tirst light of day was just struggling
through the dusk of the tree tops, when
1 caught in tho far distance tho sound
of a piercing cry, rising in power and
shrillness with each repetition. Tho
sound may be conveyed by tho words
kak-kak-kak, etc. It is very much liko
the cry of an Indian bird whoso tech
nical namo I do not know, but which is
generally known by tho name of tho
"hot-water" bird. No sooner had I
jumped from my hammock than close
at hand I heard the same cry. To
seize my gun and slip on my boots was
tho work of a moment, and tho next
minute I was peering up into tho
heights of a huge tree to a spot that tho
native was pointing to, and where tho
bird was calling. Nothing resembling
a raggiana could I see until suddenly a
ray of sunlight Hashed over tho distant
mountains, lighting up tho forest al
most instantaneously; and then I
caught the scarlet and gold of tho bird.
1 "drawed" on him, and tho next mo
ment had the sati faction of holding in
my hand my tirst bird of paradise. It
was a loely male specimen, in all the
splendid plumage of the breeding sea
sou, and tho contrast of tho green and
gold of tho head and neck with the
bright scarlet of the back plumes justly
entitles it to rank as ono of tho hand
somest birds in tho world. The female
appears very insignificant beside her
gorgeous mate, being a small dull red
bird, without any of the brilliant color
ing of the male.
1 arrived at the camp about 10 a. m.,
and found that Clima had just arrived,
bringing two raggianas aud ono king
bird. The latter is an especially gor
geous bird, about the size of a lark.
Tho whole of tho neck, head, back,
wings, and tail is a brilliant scarlet, the
breast and stomach bring white, with a
collaret of vividly green feathers pro
jecting from and overlapping tho form
er. From the tail iro,eet two shafts
about six inches in length, unfeathered,
with tho exception of the extreme ends,
from each of which a small circular
disk of bright metallic feathers sprout.
Tho magnificent sexpennis and rifle
bird inhabit tho Mount. Owen-Stanley
and Astrolabe ranges, which lie about
twenty miles beyond where I was. In
throe days I bagged eighteen raggianas,
three king birds, six gouras, and somo
smaller pigeons.
Marly Yachting.
Tho pastime of yachting anparently
dates from tho time of tho Stuarts, al
though, according to the researches of
the late Admiral Smyth, tho l'lantage
nets had ya.-hts, and termed them 'es
neecas," a word, by the way, which
seems to bo of doubtful derivation.
However, if we desired to prove tho
antiquity of yachting, we should have
to travel back much farther than the
timo of the l'lantagenets, and, as j.re
vio :sly said, wo can be content with
the generally accepted asscition that
yachting as a pastime dates from tho
time of the Stuarts. Mr. Pepys says,
in his "Naval Minutes," that tho word
"vacht" was unknown in England until
tiio Dutch, in lbf0, presented a vessel
to Charles If., which they termod a
yacht, and which he named Mary. In
Ki'JJ this monarch is said to have de
signed a yacht for himself, and named
her Jamie. She was matched against
the Hezan, belonging to tho Duke of
York, for a stake of 100, and the
course was from Greenwich to (1 raves
end and back. Pepys says: "The
King lost it going, the wind being con
trary, but saved stakes in returning.
There were divers noble persons and
lords on board, his Majesty sometimes
steering himself." The King's craft is
said to have been "frigate-like," but
very shallow in body, having only l
feet t" inches draught of water. Charles
altogether built fourteen yachts, and
appears to have tested the speed of all,
as ho was very fond of steering. The
largest of theso yachts was the Mary
(not tho Mary previously referred to),
which was ti7 feet on tho water line,
with a beam of 214 feet, and a draught
of water of 7 4 feet. The taste for
yachting gradually extended during
tho reigu of Anno and tho Georges,
and was even taken up by Irish gentle
men; so much, indeed, did the latter
think of tho pastime, that in 1720 they
established a club in Cork harbor to
promote it, and somo curious chroni
cles exist relating to the customs of
yachtsmen at that date. Yachts at this
time were common about tho Solent
and Southampton waters, and an ad
vertisement in a paper dated 177S of
fers a yacht of seven tons for sale, "with
a t'guro head gilt and gooso stern
painted foro and aft." Art Journal.
For Pal I road Travelers.
"I will give you a new wrinkle," said
a conductor. "It's mine, lut it's not
patonted. If you are in a railway car
and your head gets tired and wants a
rest, take a newspaper, fold it up, tuck
ono end dowu tho coat collar, and let
the otlier project up against tho back
of tho head. You cannot imagine what
a rest it is, and how comfortable tho
head will fool, even if tho passengers
do laugh at you a little."
The Abuse of Silence.
A man and wife enjoying a walk to
gether, or a tetfya-tete sweetened by
confidential and affectionate conversa
tion, is a beautiful sight before God
and man. Put too often tho picture is
reversed. Ho saunters out with her,
careless and uninterested; scarcely dur
ing tho walk uttering a word. Is not
this, to say tho least, a great abuse oZ
the science of silence?
In the hour of absence and of soli
tude, tho husband is impressed with a
sense of tho amiablo disposition aud
demeanor of his wife, of her unwearied
endeavors to promote and perpetunto
his happiness, and of its being his
bounden duty to show, by the most un
equivocal expressions of attachment
and of tenderness, his full approbation
of her assiduity aud faithfulness. Put
too often those expressions of approba
tion are not forthcoming, and, with a
mistaken silence, fco shrinks from hon
oring his wife, and represses thosa few
words of praiso which she so well do
servos, and would so greatly appre
ciate. "My master is all very well,"
said tho dog, "but I wish he had a tail
to wag when he is pleased."
"In polities," said Cavour, "nothing
is so absurd as rancor." In the same
way wo may say that nothing is so ab
surd in matrimony as sullen silence.
Reynolds, in his "Life and Times,"
tells of a free and easy person who
passed thrco festivo days at tho seat of
the Marquis aud Marchioness of ,
without any invitation, convinced (as
proved to bo the case), that, my lord
and my lady not being on speaking
terms, each would suspect the other
had asked him. A soft answer turns
away wrath, and when a wife or hus
band is irritated, there is nothing like
letting a subject drop. Then silence
is indeed golden. Put the silence per
sisted in is an instrument of deadlv
torture. "A wise man by his words
maketh himself beloved." To this
might bo added that on certain occa
sions a fool by his obstinate silence
maketh himself hated.
"Aciording to Milton, 'Eve kept
sileno in Eden to hear her husband
talk.'" said a gentleman to a lady
friend, and then added in a melancholy
tone, "Alas! thero have been no Eves
since." "Pecause," quickly retorted
tho lady, "there havo been no husbands
worth listening to." Certainly there are
too few men who exert themselves to
bo as agreeable to their wives (their
best friends) as they aro to tho com
parative stranger or secret enemies
whom they meet at clubs or other
places of resort. And yet, if it is true
that "to be agreeable in our family cir
cle is not only a positive duty but an
absolute morality," then every husband
and wifo should say on their wedding
day :
To halls ami ro'its for famft lrt others roam,
lie mine tho hnijier lot to rleaHo ftt home.
There is a timo to speak as well as a
time to bo silent, and the best time of
all for pleasant conversation is tho timo
of meals. We should have at least
three laughs during dinner, and every
one is bound to contribute a share of
agreeable tablo talk, good humor, and
cheerfulness. Even from a physiologi
cal point of view, "better is a dinner of
herbs where lovo is (which will show
itself in dispell'ng sullen silence) than
a stalled ox and hatred therewith."
The fjuivcr.
The Camers Kevenge.
A few years ago it chanced that a
valuablo camel, working an oil mill in
Africa, was severely beaten by its driver,
who, perceiving that the camel had
treasured up the injury and was only
waiting for a favorable opportunity for
revenge, kept a strict watch upon the
animal. Time passed away; tho camel,
perceiving that it was watched, was
quiet and obedient, and the driver be
gan to think that the beating was for
gotten, when one night after the lapse
of several months the man, who slept
on a raised platform in the mill, while,
as is customary, the camel is stalled in
a corner, happening to remain awake,
observed by the bright moonlight that
when all was quiet the animal looked
cautiously around, rose softly, and
stealing toward a spot where a bundle
of clothes and a burnoose, thrown care
lessly on the ground, resembled a
sleeping ligure, cast itsnlf with violence
upon them, rolling with all its weight,
and tearing them viciously with its
teeth. Satisfied that its revenge was
complete tho camel was returning to
its corner, when tho driver sat up and
spoke; and at the sound of his voice,
and perceiving the mistake it had made,
tho animal was so mortified at tho fail
ure and discovery of its scheme that it
dashed its head against tho wall and
died on the spot.
(Jcncral (irant's Application for a Pro
fessorship in ls.7.
It seems that when the General was
in St. Louis at tho end of his resources
and waiting for something to do to pro
vide bread for his family, a vacancy oc
curred in the chair of mathematics, in
tho University of Missouri. General
(irant, who had been disappointed in
an application for the position of Coun
ty Surveyor at St. Louis, determined
to apply for tho vacant professorship.
Ho wrote a modest letter to the Foard
of Trustees in which ho stated his qual
ifications and liis needs. Another man
got the place. A year or two before ho
died, in mentioning the fact to Mr.
Elkins. General Grant with his usual
simplicity of manner said: "I think I
could havo tilled tho placo quite well.
T was pretty well up in mathematics at
West Point, but if I had gotten tho
placo I presume I should not now bo
here." This application was made in
1857. Sew York Tribune.
Physicists lind two kinds of prog
ress in space that of matter and that
of form. A bullet disi barged from a
gun represents tho former, whilo tho
ever-widening circles which follow tho
plunge of a stono into a pool of water
lllustrato tho latter.
Lakoe charity doth never soil but
only whitens soft hands. Lowell.
IIUMOIU
Good staying qualities tho girl with,
a small waist.
"Pit well backed with silver, M as tho
looking-glass aaid.
TnrsTiNrt to chants cxpocting to
get to heaven by singing.
A man who starts a newspaper with
tho expectation that his relatives will
subscribe for it is well qualified for a
position somewhere as a rusher in
where angels fear to tread. Esttlline
Bell.
What's tho population of Chicago ?"
asked a gentleman of a citizen. "Not
less than 700,000 souls," was tho reply.
"Hut I want the total population. Not
simply those with souls."
MI am surprised at tho appearanco of
your friend U. Ho looks wretched.
Do you know if ho ha been disap
pointed in lore?" "No; ho has been
disappointed in marriage."
Ax Irishman in a strange town stood
looking at a strange vessel. "Where
are you from, Pat?" "Pegorra, sir, I'm
from anywhero but here," he replied,
"and I'll soon be from ltere, too, sir."
Pf.tsy, an old colored cook, was
moaning around tho kitchen, when
her mistress asked her if sho was ill.
"No, ma'am, not 'zactly," said Petsy.
"Put de fac' is, I don't feel ambition
'nough to get out of my own way."
ORATITUDF.
Iow common Is ingratitude !
As common ua 'li-t hateful.
And thty uro irroat and really good
Who art for favors ,'iatjf ul,
WhoHo memory of benefits
I liko u Htur that never Bt ti.
JJrwfrm Courirr.
Mn:s. Paktinoton, after attending a
country church in winter, remarked
that the text was very appropriate, but
somehow tho parson did not refer to
it in his sermon. Tho text, as it caught
tho old lady's ears, was: "Many aro
cold, but few aro frozen."
Small boy (to sister's suitor): "Do
you always carrv an umbrella, Mr.
Fresh?" Mr. 1'.: "Certainly not."
S. P. : "Then vou must get awfullv
wet sometimes." Mr. F. : "Why so?"
S. P. : "Cause sis says sho doesn't
think you havo sense enough to go in
when it rains." Jlosfon Courier.
Dn Jones I wish I could afford to
board at a better place than Mrs.
Grindham's." Snifkins "Well, there's
no use in a man's quarreling with
his bread and butter, as tho saying
goes." Snitkins ":o, particularly
tho butter. A man should know better
than to quarrel with anything as strong
as that!"
Politician (pointing to a passer-by,
and addressing a friend) "There goes
I the man wo want for chairman of the
convention." Friend "Who, Patter
son? Why, hois rather deaf." Poli
tician "That's why wo want him for
chairman. Ho belongs to our fiction,
aud won't hear any motion that is not
to our interest. Pest chairman, when
he happens to bo on the right side, I
ever saw.".lrAan.sa!c Traveler.
The new boarder had ordered an
early breakfast, and the new cook had
served him by putting tho entire
Easter bre.ikfast before him. When
the mistress entered ho had just arisen
from tho table. "Madam," said he,
"you are over-generous. I managed to
get away with the. platter of eggs you
had mo served with, but in the futuro
pleaso bear in mind that eight or ten
eggs at a meal is amplo for me."
Yonkera Gazette.
THE WANTS OF A MODERATE MAN.
Ho said ho had no wish to le opulent, with a
l ank-iioto rotuna, nnd distended, and eor-lul-nt;
but he didn t is li to -.o like the
I'rimitiVH Quakers, or butchers, or bakers,
er candloHtu-k-iimkci . but In a lino brow u
Ktono Bi:rroundcd by statues, and be; in a
lawn of Hoin-3 forty-he von acres.
Api'lauao for dear clothing is not worth tho
winning, he desired no wardrobo of iurjde
nnd linen ; but he didn't wish to go attired
like a sailor, or dre8 in a uniform suit
like a jailer; and all that he wished was
some two dozen dinners made up in good
fctyle by a fashionable tailor.
lie wished no rich viands to gladden his peptics,
or t coddle his stomach like cmonic dvs
peptics; but ho wished a cuisino and a
Jr'rei:ch cook t cater, a professional ex
pert, no e mmonplace waiter, no statu
emino. boanling-hourtr, imlxcile bungler
to scatter his chaos of pie and potato.
He wished no small army of liveried depend
ents, no uniformed lael.ovs and cringing
attendant i ; but he didn't wi.-h to lite liko
a h- rmit or miser, but in pit ntif ul leisure
as better and wiser: and onio twenty ser
vants and fortv good waiters would make
life ttertu living for him aud Eliza.
Lijhh Union.
Not ns Pail as He 3IhrlitIc.
Thero once lived "down Fast" a pecu
liar and original old gentleman named
Adams, who was known to all tho
neighborhood for miles around by his
harmless and amnsing eccentricities.
A lawyer named Somerby, riding out
of.town early ono summer morning,
discovered IWr. Adams making his way
alield with tho necessary haying tools
a jug and a scythe and stopped to
have a talk with him.
Tho soil in that part of tho country
is very thin and sandy, and the hav
crop very light, and the 'good-humored
lawyer took occasion to remark upon
the fact, aud to pity the farmers who
wero obliged to wring a scanty living
from such barren acres.
. The old gentleman heard him pa
tiently for a time, but at length he
broke out :
"Look here, squire, you'ro wasting
your sympathy. I ain't so poor as you
think I am. I don't own this farm.'"
Boston Record.
Two KIikIh r Uirls.
One is tho kind that appears lest
abroad the girls that aro good at par
ties, rides, visits, balls, etc., and whose
chief delight is in such th ngs. The
other is the kirrd that appears best at
homo tho kind that are useful and
cheerful in tho dining-room, sick-room,
and all tho precincts of home. They
differ widely in character. One is often
a torment at home, tho other a bless
ing; one is a moth, consuming every
thing about her; tho other is a sun
beam, inspiring light and gladness all
around her pathway. To which of
theso classes do you belong?
Fossiiily tho man who scouts tho
idea of perpetual motion never rode
four miles in a street car beside a
woman whose tonguo centors on a
pivot, nnd wags at each of its extremi
ties throughout tho entire trip.
"Will my action lio?" inquired an
anxious client. "Yes, if your witnesi
will, " replied tho facetious lawyer.