The Bossier banner. [volume], October 07, 1886, Image 1

About The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952

Image provided by: Louisiana State University; Baton Rouge, LA

                
m
^ ♦
established July I, 1859.
W. H. SOANLAND, Proprietor.
82.00 per Annum.
VOLUME XXV.
BELLEVUE, LA., THURSDAY, OCTOBER 7, 1886.
NUMBER 31.
WHAT girls are wanted.
r.lrisof brain, and girls of heart,
who are readv to do the rpart;
WdUnTto lend a hand on the way.
^ese are the girls that are wanted to-day.
fifris of strength and girls of will,
a, mir any place to fill;
wiMing to work with all their power.
These arc the girls that are wanted this hour.
vntthe weak-willed, listless hand.
Who B ;t and dream with idle hand;
n, t those ready, with honest zeal.
To put their shoulders to the wheel.
Vottbe careless, selfish crowd,
shallow-hearted, cold and proud;
o', the honest, bravo and true,
ijoinï grandly what they do.
wanted, ?> rl9 of mind and
wanted, girls of truth nnd r ght,
wanted, girls to help the rest.
wanted, Signal
almost a burglar.
How Mrs. Valletort Saved Her
Husband from Crime.
People were always asking each
other how the Valletort kept their
heads above water. They were known
to be in a state of chroriic impecunios
jty, and yet, somehow or other, they
contrived to show a bold front to the
world. Their pretty riverside villa at
Twickenham was furnished luxurious
ly. Captain Valletort, who had re
tired from the service some years be
fore, drove a dashing mail phaeton and
pair; and Mrs. Valletort was one of
the best-dressed women in London.
How it was done no one knew. Capt
ain Valletort dabbled on the Stock Ex
change, and was one of the best ecartc
players going, but neither of these
sources of income was likely to afford
him the means of gratifying his very
expensive tastes. Airs. Valletort had
no private fortune; but she, too, spent
a good deal of money, although she
was always telling her friends she was
dreadfully hard up, for Edward had
made several unfortunate speculations
lately, etc., etc.
Still, in spite ot this, the impecuni
ous pair lived in good style and were
apparently prosperous. They were in
debt, of course, but by some unknown
means they kept creditors and duns at
bay. They did not entertain much,
but as Mrs. Valletort was extremely
pretty, and her husband had the knack
of mak'ng himself agreeable in society
and made it a rule never to borrow
money of his friends, the Vailetorts
were a good deal in request at dinners
and dances during the season. People
were always glad to sec them, for their
light-hearted, semi-bohemian gayety
was wonderfully infectious, and no
dinner party at which they were pres
ent ever went oil' badly. Captain Val
letort was, besides, extremely popular
at his club—the Bayonet; and Charles
Fenton, of theGnards, was in the habit
of saying that he would rather lend
money to Ned Valletort than to any
man he knew. It was fortunate he
took that view of the matter, for the
unhappy youth very often rose a heavier
loser when the Captain employed his
talents against him: and it was equally
fortunate that the latter possessed the
diflicult art of winning gracefully, for
ecartc was his principal means of
bringing grist to the mill, and many
men less philosophic than young Fen
ton might have declined to try their
luck a second time against such skill
as his, had it not been for the pleasant,
good-humored, nonchalant way in
which the Captain pocketed his win
nings.
One morning the husband and wife
were seated at breakfast, when the
Captain looked up suddenly from a
newspaper he was carelessly reading,
and said with sudden eagerness, as his
eve caught an announcement among
the "deaths:"
"My dear, wasn't Lady Araminta
Belehambre a godmother of yours?"
"Yes, but why do you ask?"
"She's dead—died at Mentone a
week ago."
Mrs. Valletort clasped her hands, and
her eyes brightened.
"O, Ned! I wonder if—if she has
, left me any thing. I can't pretend to
he sorry she is dead," she added half
*pologetically, ''because she was ever
s« old, and l haven't seen her since I
«'as a child."
"My dear Lilia, don't think that I
wpectèd you to dissolve into tears at
jh® news." lie interrupted, with a short
hmgh. "We always agree to be can
nil with eacli other. \ p ou didn't care a
straw for Lady Araminta living: but if
she has really done her duty as a god
mother by putting yon down in her
w |h lor a handsome sum I am quite
Willing that you should get up any
amount of enthusiasm for her virtue,
hnt, seriously, do you think it likely
®he has done so?"
"I think it just possible she may,"
KndMra. VaUetort, looking thought
. y at the flowers on the table. *'I
I had written to her oftencr."
.*t is no good regretting any thing
' that sort now, my dear. We shall
Hobably hear in a day or two from her
Rotors— that is, if * you are really
«own for a legacy."
] Jt lie a wonderful piece of
• « I am," remarked his wife,
.: rn »g her coffee thoughtfully. "We
£$**** short of mooey just
Captain v alletort assented,
thin
un»» 0 ^ 0U think we could raise any
look?„ 0tl ex peotations?" said Lilia,
'iP-hrightlv.
n« not - morris uiau«
v*aee "°* l lfiicult Y «bout the last ad
J^r^t-t s pretty face clouded,
n v for $ moment; her native
lightheartedness soon reasserted itself,
and all that morning she employed
herself in rearing a magnificent Spanish
castle on no more substantial founda
tion than that afforded by the brief an
nouncement in the Times.
Some days later along blue envelope,
addressed in a neat, legal handwriting,
was among the heterogenous heap of
letters, invitations and bills Mrs. Valle
tort found awaiting her when she came
down to breakfast.
"O Ned, congratulate me!" she ex
claimed, rapturously, when she had
mastered the contents of the letter.
"That dear, sweet old thing has actual
ly -"
"Left you some mohey!" inter
rupted the Captain, eagerly. "My
dearest Lilia——-"
"No. not money, but—her diamonds
—positively all her diamonds." The
little woman's eyes sparkled as she
glanced triumphantly at her husband.
"The celebrated Belcharabre diamonds.
They are magnificent, I know, for I
have often heard my mother speak of
them."
Foi a moment the Captain's face
fell, but he soon remembered that a
fine collection of diamonds represents
a very handsome sum of money. His
wife's legacy was not, then, to be de
spised.
' 'W hat do you think they are worth ?"
he asked, suddenly.
"Oh! I don't know; thousands and
thousands of pounds, I should imagine, "
replied his wife vaguely. "Ned, just
think how well I shall look in them. I
have so few jewels, and-"
"My dear girl, yon don't mean to say
that you intend to—to keep them?" he
gasped, as the dreadful possibility
dawned on his mind that Lilia might
elect not to turn her costly legacy into
hard cash.
"Of course I mean to keep them,"
she retorted, coolly. "O. Ned. you
don't—want me to—to sell them, do
you?" she added piteously, as the Capt
ain's brows drew together ominously,
and an unpleasant light came into his
eyes.
'You will do as you like, of course,"
he replied, irritably. They will be
yours and not mine. But how any
woman can care to deck herself out
with diamonds worth several thousand
pounds when she knows what it is to
want money passes my comprehen
sion."
Airs. Valletort was usually the most
docile of wives, but she resented her
husband's angry words and was trebly
determined to hold her own in this
matter. The Captain saw it would be
useless to argue with her, so he turned
away with a half contemptuous shrug
of the shoulders and a muttered anath
ema on the folly of women in general
and of his spouse in particular. It was
really too bad of Lilia; a few thousand
pounds would have set him on his finan
cial feet again. In due course, after
the numerous delays inevitable in all
legal matters, Mrs. Valletort came into
possession of her legacy. By her hus
band's advice she had a safe constructed
for the diamonds in her dressing-room,
and the dingy leather cases containing
the jewels were at once consigned to
this repository.
On the first available opportunity
Mrs. Valletort (who had been burning
to display her treasures before the eyes
of her friends) donned her diamonds
and appeared in a blaze of splendor.
At the ball to which they went that
night Mrs. Valletort created quite a
sensation. The story of her godmoth
er's costly bequest had got about, and
every one was anxious to see the cele
brated Belehambre diamonds. Women
secretly envied her, though they
shrugged their shoulders as she passed
and wondered how long the jewels
would remain in her possession. Men
admired her charming face and grace
ful figure so much that they forgot all
about her diamonds as they crowded
round her, eager to secure a dance with
the prettiest woman in the room.
Airs. Valletort was in her element
She enjoyed herself immensely, quite
ignorant of the fact that her husband
looked unusually morose, not to say
snlky, as she whirled past him radiant
in the jewels he secretly coveted. Cred
itors pushed the gallant Captain to
desperation, and he made one last ap
peal to his wife, but without suo »ess.
"I refuse to part with my diamönds,"
she said, coldly. "It is unfair of you
to ask me to make such a sacrifice."
"Very well, my dear: then the deluge
must come," replied the Captain,
quietly. He turned and left the room.
The" Captain did not allude to the
diamonds again, and things went on
much as usual at the Laurels. But
Mrs. Valletort grew nervous and fret
ful and took to sitting a good deal in
her dressing-room. The Captain kept
his word: he never again broached the
subject of the diamonds, but he brooded
silently over it and grew more morose
and taciturn every day- He was dee
offended by his wife's conduct and
irritation was aggravated by the con
tinual worries which beset him. Morris
was obdurate and his other creditors
threatened him with legal proceedings
if he failed to liquidate his numerous
bills. At last, driven almost to des
peration, the unhappy man conceived
a daring plan. If he could not get his
wife's diamonds by fair means he would
get them by foul. ' He would steal the
jewels. He had no sooner made up
his mind to do this than he resolved to
carry out the idea at once. He would
not give himself time to think about it,
for the word "robbery" has an ugly
sound, and he did not care to say it
above a whisper.
One evening when his wife was din
ing with a friend in town he found that
she had forgotten to take her keys with
her. The opportunity must not be lost;
so good a one might not soon occur
»gain. He therefore crept softly up to
the dressing-room with the keys in his
hand. Much to his astonishment he
found the window wide open, the fur
niture much disarranged, the door of
the safe ajar, and—the diamonds gone!
For some moments he stood aghast,
staring stupidly around. Then the
dreadful truth flashed on him. Burg
lars had effected an entry while he was
dinner and carried off the jewels.
Before many hours were over the
news of another great jewel robbery
spread over the country and the serv
ices of skilled detectives were enlisted.
But weeks passed and no glimmer of
light was thrown on the mysterious
burglary. With this calamity came
another. Captain Valletort's creditors
pressed him so hard that he was com
pelled to take the initiatory steps for
going through the bankruptcy court,
and his name duly appeared in the
Gazette. After this the Valletort's
found it expedient to leave England for
time. They resolved to spend the
winter in Florence. In that pleasant
city they were soon the center of a
brilliant coterie, for Mrs. Valletort's
beauty and grace and her husband's
easy, good-natured manner were as
much appreciated as in London.
One evening, when they had dined
quietly at home, Mrs. Valletort an
nounced to her husband that she had
something to show him that would sur
prise him considerably. The Captain
rather listlessly declared himself willing
to give her his attention; and Lilia,
smiling rather wickedly, vanished from
the room, reappearing soon after with
large cardboard box under arm,
which she carefully placed on the table.
What have you got there, my
dear?" asked the Captain, in some
surprise.
You shall see," replied his wife.
"But first promise to let me have my
way in this matter."
"Very well, I promise."
"O, you dear foolish Ned! Just see
how much cleverer I am than you!"
cried the little woman exultingly, as
she opened the box and took out several
shabby leather cases.
The Captain started as if he had been
shot.
'Lilia, don't tantalize me like this,"
he cried, angrily. "What have you
got in those eases?"
'Aly diamonds—and their fac similes
in paste." And she displayed a mass
of gems that positively dazzled him.
Listen to me for a few moments and
I will explain everything. Soon after
j'ou asked me to sell my diamonds I
began to suspect that you meant to take
them from me by strategem, so I re
solved to manage the matter my own
way. I knew if you had yours the
money would all be swallowed up by
your debts, and, besides, I should lose
every social advantage the possession
of the diamonds gave me. I therefore
arranged my dressing-room so as to
make you think that the jewels had
been annexed by burglars, and I kept
the diamonds sewn in my sealskin
jacket until we left England."
'No wonder the detectives were puz
zled. By Jove, Lilia, I didn't give you
credit for such sharpness."
'In Paris I took them to the Palais
Royal and had them copied in paste.
Now," she added with a bright smile,
and placing the shabby cases and glit
tering contents in his hands, "the real
stones are very much at your service.
I shall send a paragraph to the London
papers saying that my diamonds have
been restored to me anonymously, and
shall wear the paste set at Prince
Opoponax's to-morrow night. And
now, dear," she added, "I have only
one piece of advice to offer: The nexr.
time you are thinking of turning burglar
take your wife into your confidence."
—London Truth.
PROGRESS OF TELEGRAPHY.
Communication Without a Break Between
London and Calcutta.
An Englishman, after having been
shown the operations of the pneumatic
tube for carrying parcels in New York,
said: "I have seen just one thing
more wonderful than that. I have
talked by cable from London to Cal
cutta, India, over seven thousand miles
of wire. Two years ago I called upon
Managing Director W. Andrews, of the
Indo-European Telegraph Company,
at No. 13 Old Broad street, London.
It was Sunday evening, and the wires
were not very busy. Mr. Andrews called
upon Emden, a (lerman town. 'Give
me Odessa,' he wired. In a few
seconds we got the signal from the
Russian sea-port city, and asked for j
Teheran, the capital of Persia. 'Call
Kurrachee,' said Andrews. In less
than half a minute we were signaling
that Indian town. The signals came
at the rate of fifteen words a minute.
After learning that the London office
was testing the long wires. Kurrachee
gave ns Agra, and we chatted pleasant
ly for a few minutes with the operator
on duty there. In a short time the
operator switched us on the cable to
the Indian capital, Calcutta. At first
the operator there could not believe
that he was talking to London, and he
asked, in the Morse language: 'Is that
really London, England?' It was a
wonderful achievement, matallic com
1
munication without a break between
the capital of the English nation anil
the seat of her government in India,
■even thousand miles away, as the bird
flieg." — N. O. Times Democrat.
—Sweet lemons are a favorite Mexi
can dainty. They are the shape, color
and size of the lemons of commerça
but are sweeter than bananas.
—A foul ball knocked into a crowd
of men at Topeka hit a negro in the
eve with such force that his eyesight
Was destroyed.
NEW YORK HANGINGS.
Th« Forms Observed When the Law Takes
a Man's Life at i he Tombs.
A great many customs surround a
hanging in New York. They have been
modified by law, which allows only
the sheriffand assistants, twenty deputy
sheriffs, a sheriff's jury, the judges ol
the higher courts, the district attorney,
the doctors and the hangman to be
present. Formerly the coroner could
bring a party of his friends as jurors,
and the sheriff gave out cards of invita
tion as he would to a ball. That has
been stopped, and Sheriff Grant keeps
the number of spectators down to the
lowest legal number. It is customary
for the sheriff to present the man to be
hanged, when he is poor, with a black
suit to be hanged in. The care of the
city for his burial goes no further than
to see that he gets to potter's field.
It is the duty of the sheriff to be
personally pres >nt at a hanging. One
sheriff dodged this duty once by going
to Long Branch. In a case like that
the under sheriff has charge. The
hanging is set down for as early an
hour as possible in the morning to
avoid a crowd. The shérif! and his
deputies, dressed in mourning, gather
at the sheriff's office and march to the
Tombs. Each bears his staff of office.
At the hanging they take off their hats as
soon as the weights fall, and put them
on when the body is cut down.
In a case on the wall in the sheriff's
office are a score of staves and two
swords. The staves have been present
at every hanging since a time that no
employe in tnc office can recall. They
are about thirty inches long, and are
made of dark hardwood. The middle
is covered with thin, dark velvet. On
each end is a brass tip shaped like an
Indian arrowhead. The sheriff's staff
has a crutch at one end instead of a
dart, and the under sheriff's has a
crook. The tw© swords have not been
taken to a hanging for a longtime. No
matter where in the State a hanging
may be the staves are sent for and the
sheriff's men carry them. They would
as soon think of trying to have a hang
ing without a rope as without their
staves. They are a relic of colonial
days, when a hanging would draw as
large an assemblage as a circus, and
the officers who had charge of it ap
peared pompously in their official robes.
The same gallows, rope, noose and
weights are used time after time until
they are lost or wear out The gallows
now in use is about four years old. The
uprights are about five inches square
and fifteen feet high. The cross piece
is the same size. The construction is
simple, and it is easy to take the gallows
apart and put it away. The only trace
left on the gallows by a hanging is the
mark of the axe where it cuts through
the rope that keeps the weight from
falling.
Two men do all the hangings in
New York. One is a short, lean man,
with Hebrew features. He has a thin,
full beard that curls, dark hair, mild
eyes and a shrinking face. The other
man is a short, stout German, partially
bald, with a black-gray mustache. He
is in charge. These two men have a
number of names. They do not want
to be known, and the sheriff himself
has nothing further to do with them
than to give them charge of the ar
rangements and to pay the bill. The
one man is commonly known as Isaacs,
the other as Minzesheimer. The bills
are made out to Joseph B. Atkinson.
The cost of hanging varies from two tc
five hundred dollars. The men are
hangmen not only in New York, but
they travel around over the State and
country. Hanging is their trade.— N.
Y. Star. _ ___
TO AVOID DROWNING.
Lock tlie Hands Beliind the Back, Inflate
the Langs and Close the Month
A gentleman, prominent in business
in Chicago, asks us to emphasize a fact
published some months ago about how
to avoid drowning when unable to
swim. The directions were: "Lock
the hands behind the back and fully
inflate the lungs and close the mouth."
The reason he asks this is that some
years ago he lost an only son by drown
ing in the Alississippi river, and, as
would be natural, any thing referring
to the subject quickly arrests his atten
tion. After reading the article he read
it aloud to his wife and daughter, and
upon the latter it made a profound im
pression. Two or three weeks ago,
j while his daughter was enjoying a row
on Lake Alichigan a huge wave cap
sized the boat and threw her into tne
water, which was deep. While the
daughter was sinking she remembered
the directions, clasped her hands be
hind her, and when she arose, threw
the water from her mouth and filled
her lungs full of air before she sunk a
second time. She went under but a
short distance, and upon reaching the
surface she floated until a boat put oat
out from shore and rescued her. The
gentleman remarked: "Had it not been
for these wise directions repeated to
my daughter, and her obeying them, I
am satisfied I would to-day be child
1 less." This vear there have been an
in
for
in
to
a
j unusually large number of deaths from
drowning, and it would seem wise for
parents to impress these simple direc
tions on the minds of young people.
They are good eveu for those who caa
swim, for it will enable them to rest,
and have better opportunity for rescue.
—Chicago Letter.
—Signs of the times, even in the
fashionable world, disclose the dawn
of a dav when a faithfully practi
led
mg c
cal education shall be demande
both
; for young women and for voim-men. -
\ The Moravian,
PHOTO-PRINTING.
Photogravure for Book Illustrations and
/.inro-Type» for Newspaper Work.
The use of a photographic negativ*
in connection with a lithographic sur
face has become of such importance
for almost every sort of illustrated
work, from the business circular to the
finest books of art, that the name ol
Poitevin, the French inventor and real
father of the process, deserves to be
better known than it is. Louis Al
phonse Poitevin was born at Conflans,
in the Department of the Santhe,
France, in 1819. His bent towards ap
plied chemistry led him early to the
Ecole Centrale, in Paris, where he de
voted himself almost entirely to chem
ical and mechanical studios, leaving
the school in 1843 with the diploma of
civil engineer. Hit first appointment
was that of chemist in the national
salt works in the east of France, in
which capacity he introduced many
improvements in the processes and
machinery used, and also in the manu
facture of potash, sulphuric acid, etc.
When photography came upon the
world as a scientific curiosity, Poitevin's
taste for chemistry led him to experi
ment with the new toy, and in 1848 he
published the fact that it was possible
to produce an electro deposit of cop
per upon the whites of the daguerreo
type image. His work in this direction
led to the discovery of a method of pho
to-chemical engraving upon metallic
plates coated with gold or silver, for
which he received the medal of the
Société d'Encouragement des Arts.
Soon afterwards he began work upon
the study of the action of light upon
bichromated gelatine. He first applied
himself to the production of molds in
relief, and patented in 1865 his helio
plastic process, which consisted in pre
paring a film of gelatine, which, after
sensitizing by means of bichromate of
potassium, was exposed to light under
a negative. When cold water was ap
ffiea, the parts unacted upon by
ight swelled up and so formed an
image in relief from which a mold in
faster or other suitable material could
e taken.
His next achievement was the ink
process. He discovered that the sur
face of the bichromated gelatine film
after exposure to light became re
pellent of water, while it permitted a
greasy ink to adhere. In 1866 he
established a workshop for the pro
duction of pictures by this process.
Some of his early plates are in the
possession of Mr. Edward Bierstadt, of
this city, and compare favorably with
much work of to-day. Poitevin was,
however, too much engrossed in in
vention to prosper in business, and he
sold out the shop to Lernender, who
still carries it on, and turned his at
tention again to experiments. In 1862
he perfected a system of carbon print
ing, from which the present processes
are derived. He also published re
searches in connection with the action
of light upon various salts of iron. The
Duc de Luynes awarded him the prize
offered for advances in applied science,
and at the exhibition of 1878 he was
adjudged a gold medal and an honor
arium of seven thousand francs in
recognition of his services. He died at
Conflans, March 4.1882.
Some of the best work done in this
country with processes growing out of
Poitevin's invention is that known
under the general head of photo
gravure, which is printed directly from
an etched plate. The plate is covered
with a sensitive film and afterwards ;
etched, the acid acting where the light !
coming through a negative has fallen. !
From such a plate, using a copper-plate \
press, the New York company which
makes a specialty of this work* pro
duces very beautiful results. For tine
books, where cheapness is not sought,
the photogravure answers the purpose
admirably, for any number of impres
sions can be taken. The same company
also uses the gelatine plate process, as
modified by Mr. C. T. Roche. Some of
the large plates and reproductions of
sepia sketches, done in this way, are
admirable specimens of the art at its
best.
For purposes of newspaper illustra
tion, especially in colors, zincography
is much used in Europe and, to a small
extent, in this country. Zinc plates are
coated with an asphaltnm film and ex
posed under anegativeordrawingfrom
ten to sixty minutes. AsphaltUui in
certain conditions is sensitive to light.
Where light acts acid can penetrate to
the plate, and it is etched in the usual
manner. When it is desired to print
in colors, a negative is prepared for
each color, one allowing no light to
pass except for yellows, another reds,
etc. Many German and French news
Î apers are illustrated by this process.
'he colored plates in the last Christinas
number of the Paris Figaro , so largely
sold in this country, were photo-zineo
types.— N. Y. Post.
—The Presbyterians of this country,
both Northern and Southern, are to
meet in General Assembly in Philadel
phia in 1888. It will be the one hun
dredth anniversary of the Presbyterian
Genera) Assembly in the United States.
The Northerh brethren propose to
honor tha occasion by bringing an
offering of $1,000,000. ' The Southern
ers come ta fraternize, but they are op
posed to anything being said or done
looking to an organic union.— Jf. Y.
Post. ^
—A writer in a magazine says the
earth would be heated more than 190
degrees by being stopped. And now
some fool" who owns the earth will be
silly enough to try the experiment—
Burlington Hawkeay
;
!
!
\
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.'
—An entire town ot five hundred in
habitants on the coast of China, near
Foo Chow, has adopted Christianity,
says an exchange.
—Dr. Pringsheim, recently appointed
to a professorship in the University of
Munich, is the first Jew ever admitted
to a Bavarian faculty.
—The estimate by the Philadelphia
Board of Education of the expenses for
1887 of the city's schools asks for
$2,172,958.35, or about $300,000 more
than the appropriation of $1,864,154
for the present year. The principal
item is $1,347,840.50 for teachers' sal
aries.
—The Sunday-school statistics of the
Methodist Episcopal Church are now
in and footed up for 1885, with the fol
lowing results: Schools, 22,490; offi
cers and teachers, 246,054; scholars,
14,818,032. This is an increase of 314
schools, 8,582 officers and teachers and
57,596 scholars .—Christian Advocate.
—Rcr. Dr. Lathrop, pastor of the
Baptist Church at Stamford, Conn.,
having offered his resignation, the pas
tors of the Episcopal. Congregational,
Methodist, Universalist and Roman
Catholic churches requested him to re
call it This is one of the most re
markable instances of Christian unity
and sympathy on record .—Christian
Union.
—It is said that the Zion Hebrew
congregation of St. Paul, Minn., adopted
a heroic method for testing the sermon
izing qualities of a candidate for its
pulpit. He's not permitted to fire his
very best sermon at the congregation,
but a committee meet him on the way
to church, give him a text, and he's
expected to preach from it without
further notice.
—It is remarked that Boston people
like broad churchmen, whose sermons
are not flat; Philadelphians like preach
ers whose thoughts are deep and well
rounded; New York likes a square man
with no frills about him, who can say
it all in twenty minutes, and Chicago
is always wanting something in preach
ers that it seldom gets .—Chicago Times.
—Vinegar is a very good thing in its
place, but a gallon of it ought to out
last, in a weu-ordered house, a barrel
of suffar and an entire crop of potatoes.
But some people, in their lives, reverse
the proportions and are so vinegary
that there is but little use of the staples
and sweetnesses. Even when they ask
for grace they mean more vinegar.—
United Presbyterian.
—Mr. George Williams, the founder
of the Young Men's Christian Associa
tions, has been elected president of the
London Association to succeed the late
Earl Shaftesbury. Mr. Williams has
not only given his heart and life to
work for young men, but has bceu
princely in his Denefactions to Young
Men's "Christian Associations on the
other side of the sea. He is a most
genial man, and greatly beloved by the
young men.— Baptist Weekly.
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
—Age appears to increase the value
of everything except women and but
ter.— N. Y. Mail.
—Wealth's Luxury..—
Three happy he whose wealth wilt let hit»
choose
Whether to get up or take another snooze.
— Dansville Breeze.
—It was said of an inveterate drunk
ard that he had met with great afflic
tion, and drank to drown his grief.
"Then," said a bystander, "his grief
must know how to swim, for he has
never been able to drown it."— N. Y.
Ledger.
—"Do you know the prisoner, Mr.
Jones?" "Yes, to the bone." "What
is his character?" "Didn't know that
he had any." "Does he live near
you?" "So"near that he only spent
live cents for fire wood in eight years."
— Comic Weekly.
—Help wanted. Drowning Man—
"Help! help! What do you mean
by sitting there and letting me drown,
man?" Newspaper Proprietor—"You
should have advertised, my friend.
You could get all the help you want
through the newspapers."— Tidbits.
—"These are extravagant »lays we
live in," said Mrs. Crirosonbeak to her
husband, after they had been ap
Ï iroached by their son for afresh lining
or his pocketbook. "Yes, and that
probably accounts for their getting
•shorter,' you know," replied the ever
jocular man. — Yonkers Statesman.
—"Father," said Rollo, "to whom
was Byron writing when he said, 'Fare
thee well?" "O, said Kollo's father,
who is away tip in ancient history, "he
was writing an ode to Patti's farewell
tour; 'Still, forever fare thee well.' "
"And who was Byron?" asked Rollo.
"He was a prophet." said Rollo'9
Uncle George.— Burdette.
—A young physician while diagno
sing a case fired a number of questions
at his patient whioh flew wide of the
mark. He was finally successful,
however. "You—re—sometimes have
a— er— tired feeling come over you,
which-'' "Yes." interrupted the
patient, "I feel it now! Tin tired, very
tired." "Just, as I thought," said the
young physician. "lam seldom mis
taken in my diagnosis of a case."—
N. Y. Sun.
—Restaurant Manager—"You have
bad experience as a waiter?" Girl Ap
plicant—"O, yes; tlfree years' experi
ence, sir." "You can be especially at
tentive to the young men?'' "Indeed
I can, sir." "You would any tin»e
pass a quiet, patient old gentleman
who has been waiting half" an hour in
order to wait upon a masher who had
just seated himself?" "Yes—yes! I
always did that, sir." "Well, you
don't suit me. Good day."—A Y .
Telegram.