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THE DONAL DSONILLE CHIF.
O.micial Journal of the State of Louisiana, Parish of Ascension and Town of DoealdsonVlll. ;VOLUME IV. DONALDSONVILLE, LA., SATURDAY, JANUARY 23, 1875. NUMBER 29. gaatlbsonbilut t]f.' ' Asi', a sie Hnmani Generis. WA Wide-Awake Home Newspaper, Published Every Saturday, at Do iaonvien Aaoension Palsh,I La., -DY Lt*NDEN E. DENTLET, S DITOR AND Pnoeantton. r'wMU OFP UBbSORIPTON: ()neo py, one year ..................$3 00 One 8bpy, six aonths,................ I 50 Six doples, one year,...................15 00 Twelve popie, one year,.................25 00 PLyable invariably in advance. AD VERTISING RATES: [A equare is the epace occupied by ten lines Agae type, about | of an inch.j i- -• . '. .-- SuUARKs. I mn. 2 nmos.3 ,nos. |6 os. I year I sqare.. $3 001 $5 00$ 6 500$1100$1500 224sre*. 5001 800 950 15 00 2000 3 ree 7 001 00 12 50 19 00 2500 4 M res. 850 14 00 15 00 2300 30 00 -5 squarec. 1000 1600 17 00 2700 3500 SSquares. 1 00 22 00 24 00 36 00 4800 qe nna. 25 00 3250 40 00 0 00 7000 i mu . 35 00 4250 5000 7000 100 00 I solaam. 4b 52 600 00 1500 Tra*.rint advertisements $1 00 per square first insertion; each subsequent insertion, :75 cents. All ollcia nuotices $1 00 per square each publication. Brief comamanications upon subjects of * public interibt solicitedl. Noatltties paid to anonymous letters. TIM liditor is not responsible for the views Sof e~respoadents. Addtese: Cater, Donaldsonville, La. a .mtu Mbr the Chietl Win. G. Wilkinson. Donaldtmaville, La. lertmis Qanthreaux, J.. G. W. Richardson, l)ominique's Land'g. Augustus Knight, Linwood Place. 1)r. A. B. Rtobertson, Dutch Stores. John Dixon, New River. Thes. McIntyre, New Orleans. Chas. O. Dounaud, " G(e. . R Bowell & Co. New York. P. H.IWalker & Co., laitimure. Md. H te I I 4* iTicAL DIRECTORI. Uniem 3Epnb. Congressionaml Oommittee. Z. CHANDLER. President. JOll. A. LOGAN. Vice Precident. A. H. Crigen, John Colurn, N. P, CljDa, H. E. Havens, Eugente Ie, S. 8B. Conover, (ie. W. Hendee, J. W. Flanagan, eisnry L. Pierce, James Wilsou, J... Jeadleton, G. W. Hazleton, H. U, Starkweather, 8. O. Houghton, Thos. C. Piatt, J. U. Lodland, Marecu L. Ward, H. B. Strait, Simon Cameron, J. H. Mitchell, Wm. J Albert, 8. A. Cobb, John F. Lewis, A. I. Boreman, C. L. Cobb, Win. M. Stewart, Rih'd Whitney, P. W. Hitcheock, G( c e. , P Powell Clayton, Geo. CL.eKee, 8. B. Cha.ftie J. ltulna West, R. C. McCormick, H. . ndy, S B. Elk;ns, J. M. Thornburg. AdklrIeseemmanlestions to Hon. Z. Clmn dlerirt'sideat, or to the Secretary of the Unhli.Mqublisa Ce.gressional Committee, Washington, D. C. pubiichO estral Executive Committee Stfte of Louisiana. S. XI PACKARI), President. JAMES LEWIS, Vice President. C"HARGES HILL, Secretary. L. LAMANIERE, Assistant Se'y. J.'.. 0. PITKIN, Corresp'd'g Sec'y. SI .'JOIJBERT, Treasurer. SsiiZNgXCU TIVM COMMITTEE. .. J, .Paekar'd, Chairman ex-ofiicio. B. F. F. aders, Janes F. Cnmey, B-II, ,0 eart, C. W. Lowell, Michael Hahn, James Loupstreet, Jamela rwin, C. C. Antoine, Johlg .Ja1ris, T. T. Allain, H. A. Bray, - F. Riard. gINALCE COMMxITTEL O.'C. Blandin, Chairman. B. F. JobIrt,. Pl.i. S. Plnchback, C. F. Ladd, T. B. Stamps, Levi Dartall, Joln lGair, William F. Loan, J. L. Herwig, Tholiis A. Cage, L. E. Bentley. ADDITIONAtL MEMBERs. K. W. Dewees, George Y. Kelso, taford Blunt, Allen Greene, J. Ed. Burton, D. C. P. Hill, Louis J. Soner. C9 nl.inieations should be addressed to thea prede at, Hon. 8. B. Packard, New Or lesa(, 4n,. _ Bepublema Oongreusional Committee Third District of Louisiana. P. . D8]ISLONDE of Iberville, President. Ascenali.........L... ouis Lefort, AlM tnon ..........Meyer Kahen, Cameron............. L. L Tancey, jhls.n................P. I. 'Seule, 1 berville .............George Randolph, 'Laf I~ ., ........,F. Martin, •La tflf...........Wil.m'am 3.* Mlia+r....... ....ll . NeveM, t. r. ............oe hldtlcck, .... ...... ..W. .reW.yHIe . ...........J. A. Brookahler. Rrs Exetltive ouonittee 7m of Aacenseion. L4NDErT, Psesident. LE, iecret#,. cc, Na, Hai Le Ir ins, a ader, Chrlesk , enry Haia Josepi Carter, Au tus ight, Allen St phep, A4tinar assett, C I i .seidl.d be" ,ldlresse to she oue orasesetary, DonaldsoiWlle. CPAIOGN COMMITTEE. J. K. BENTLEY. Cbairmasp. '-AM TIQORITY, Treasurer. paei .'Hiyman, Frederick Fobb, Aaoii. Hill, Alibert BrAnidry, !i. '_nCoawlay, lhll.ry Itiwc. A Young Lawyer's listake. Disputing the Legal Existeace of the Ooart The San Francisco Morning Call says: It has been well remarked by a distinguished historian, that "for ways that are dark and tricks that are vain, the heathen Chinee is pec uliar," and this wise aphorism must be truthfully applied "to the average California attorney. A case in which one of this class figured occurred in the municipal criminal court last week. Mr. Blank, a young attorney of the last mentioned class, appeared as counsel for a villainous looking Chinaman, who was called to receive sentence on his third conviction on one charge of grand larceny. Ali Shook was told to stand i up, and the judge gazed umon him with an eye in which there was a varied assortment of stern justice and commiseration. Mr. Blank slowly rose from his chair, ran his bony flag rs through his raven locks, and extending his right armn in i dignified and authoritative manner, signilied his intention of making a little speech. "I propose," said Mr. Blank, wav ing his hand at the assembled specta tors with rare self-possession, " I propose to contest the authority of this court in the matter of the people in the State of California versus my worthy and innocent client, Alh Shook ; I propose, may it please your honor-and 1 don't think it will-I propose to establish the fact that this court has no authority and no legal existence, and that all its acts since its assumed organization have been null and void and non compos mlnttia. " Hold on, youbg man ! " exclaimed the court with a deprecatory motion of the judicial hand, " that game won't play here worth a cent. While this court has the deal the percentage remains in its favor and you need'nt think you can hog the game or bust the lbank. May-be you think you're playing it smart, but this court has had its eye teeth filed, and sand papered long ago, and all traces of vegefation have been carefully ex tirpated ftroml its opticular organs." May it please your honor," rese ponded Mr. Blank, "I have a long line of authorities to lresent. H:re Jamnes, bring in the documents." At these words a little boy about three feet high entered the courtroom bear ing about fifty ponderous tomes. 'Now, your honor," continued Mr. Blank, " 1 move that the defendant be discharged on the ground that the court has no legal existence." The court adjisated its spectacles anl remarked gravely : "Young fol low there are times when patience ceases to be a virtue." At this juncture the deputy sheriff stood behind the attorney ready and willing to take him by the collar and throw him down stairs; the clerk, in anl abstracted manner, laid his hand upon a heavy glass inkstand, and the porter stood at the door with a large sized broom in his hand. " My friend," continued the court mildly, " it is now autumn, when the cottonwoods shed their leaves and nothing is green but the evergreen. But you make a-ahem--a condemned mistake when you take me for an evergreen. In all the exlperience of this court it has never happened that an attorney was fool enough to re quest the court to legislate itself out of office, and out of the perquisites and emoluments pertaining to the same. Thia court was at first dispos ed to deal leniently with this de prayed heathen but in order to vin dicate his authority it imposes a sentence upon your client of four years in the State prison. As for your authorities you may go to-ahem to the Supreme Court or anywhere else with them. This court stands upon itd dignity, sir, and if it did not respect your poverty it would impose afine of $1 50 upon you for contempt; but the court is magnalimous, sir. You may take your hand off his col lar, Mr. Sheriff. The court now ad journs for refreshments." The lawyer was seen half an hour later loading up an expres wagon with? hiicptthmorities - .. . ----1 - M.L .. . If things go on in this way it will become imperatively necessary for every member of Congress to have his own newspaper. Here is the Times' correspondent telegraphing from New p)rleaus in regard to the views of the Louisiana sub-committee; "Mr. Pot ter will take the view of the World, and Mr. Phelps the view of the Tri bAnme. Mr. Foster's view is unknown." Disconsolate Foster! He has no view to take. Will he take the view of the -Times t If he must have a newspaper view, we cordially tender hint the .view of The YNational Republican. In that case his view will be presented to his associates in Congress at least twelve hours in advance of his cotem poraries.- Wash. Nat. Rep. It has lately come to light that the Pacific Mail Steamship Company, of New Yolk, spent over a million of dollars, a few yeats sui~e, to obtain a subsidy from Congress. A Congres sional committee is now engaged in investigating the matter. They have already found where $275,000 of the money went. It went into the pocket of a Democraic member of Congress from New Yo rk, one of those very vir tuous men "go made bitter partisan attacks upon the integrity of the mem bers of the Republican party. What a commentary upon Demnocr.tic pro tfc sioun.--£.cdwia ys. The Louisiana Message. From the New Orleans Rep ublica~t of the 14th we extract the following synopsis of the special message trans mitted to the national Senate by Pres ident Grant in response to a resolution introduced by Senator Thurman, ask ing for information relative to Louis iana affairs : The message of President Grant, i sent yesterday to the Senate of the United States, strikes directly at the root of the evils out of which have grown the disturbances in the South, and particularly in this State. It is a more elaborate message, fuller in de tail and narration than we were led I to believe he would publish; but the occasion and subject admit of so much, and more could have been said, had it seemed necessary, to impress Congress more deeply as to the importance of action regarding Louisiana affairs. The facts related in the message of frauds at elections, of violence, mur der, ostracism and lawlessness, com mitted, suffered and even cormmended in this State, all acting against Re- 1 publicans and with a view to their ex termination, is a tale that has been many times told, and it must continue I to be told until the life, property and personal, civil religious and political 1 rights of all men, white or black, comn ing as men from wheresoever they may have come, are as secure in Louis iana as in Vermont. It is to impress Congress with the necessity of secur ing peace here that the message is submitted. It does not assert that the election of '}overnor Kellogg was not accomplished without question, nor ask that he be sustained as Governor, I right or v rong. T'lat question is left where it belongs. Congress, by non-action at its last 1 session, left the President in a position where he was obliged to assume res ponsibilityv, and he long since recog nized GoverUor Kellogg as Governor, following the best evidence in the case, and with the certainty before him that 1 Mr. McEutsy was not elected. The message alludes to the riots and massacres of 1866 and 1808, of the Colfax butchery, the Coushatta mur ders, the Crawford and LHarris assas sinations and the events of the four teenth of September. It is but a faint outline, necessarily so in a single mes sage, of a trail marked by the blood of Union men and Republicans from the beginning of the reconstruction of I a rebel State up to the present day. Military interference is also consid ered. Generally, the military arm of the government has been stretched out after the outrages have been ac complished. On the fourth of January the army was in time, and prevented a slaughter which one party threat cned, another feared, and both unite in saying would have taken place had not General DeTrobriand appeared at the right moment and cleared from 1 the hall of Representatives those per sons who had no legal tight to be thele. General Sheridan is spoken of as an officer who was sent: here to observe and report the situation, What he did and What he said is approved and believed; what he sunggeted as a remedy for the evils found here re mains to be considered according to law. Congress is asked to take such action as may be nec"sary e.oncern ing the happenings in this unhappy State. The White Leagues are yet to be disbanded, and wholesome punish nient is yet to be meted out to those who deserve it. The members of Con gress should not shirk their duty, when as now, and previously, the President has done his. The message is a strongone, and good one. It should do good. Spanned as the eastern half .of tie American continent is with railroads which form connections between al- ( most all important points, the busi- t ness of railroad building seems to be t falling off. According to the Bail road Gazette therere wre 1,923 miles of track laid last year, against 3,883 1 miles in 1873. The number of miles I laid in 1874 is in fact less than the ex tent of track laid in any year since 1866, when but 1,742 miles were con- i structed. The total railroad mileage r in the United States at the close of a 1873 is given at 70,651. The year 1875, consequently, begins with 72,576 miles. The increase of mileage last year is said to correspond very nearly with the increase of population. being about 21 per cent. The section of country showing the greatest increase last year is the northwestern states, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri, Kansas and Nebraska, where 467 of the 1,923 miles were constructed. The greatest decrease was in Arkan sas, Tennessee, Kentucky and West Virginia, in which states but 49 miles were laid.-Ez. The will of the late Gerritt Smith has been in existence without material alternation for twenty years. It be queaths one-half of his entire property to his wife. The other half he divides between his two children, Colonel Green Smith and Mrs. Charles D. Miller. The estate is worth about $2,000,000. A cattle train on the Hannibal and St. Joseph railroad ran through the bridge at Eureka City, Mo., on Sun day, destroying the bridge, 125 feet long, smashing the locomotive and three cars, and killing or maiming all the cattle. News Items. The Pope is seriously ill. The famine-in Asia Minor increases. War-clouds seem gathering in En rope. King Alfonso has taken command of his army. The disaffection of leading Carlists is confirmed. Sagasta declines to become Fiench minister to Spain. The new postal treaty with Canada has been perfected. Cook & Sons' National Bank of Chi cago has suspended. A granite custom-house is to be built at Atlanta, Ga. The cable steamer Faraday has ar rived safely to Portland. Nellie Grant and husband return from Europe in a few days. There is a balance in the Georgia State treasury of $1,003,128. Atty. Gen. Field has returned to New Orleans from Washington. The sunken steamer John B. Maude has been raised in good condition. The New York Senate adopted a resolution of confidence in Sheridan. Five thousand ice men in New York have struck for an increase of wages. The citizens of Edgefield county, S. C., have captured several incen diaries. New Orleans, January 16th; Miss Mary Ann Tracy; lighting a fire with coal oil. The Spanish forces in Cuba are confident of suppressing the revolu tion soon. The Ohio Episcopal Convention elected Thos. A. Jagger of Philadel phia bishop. The, Catholic Seminary at Fulda, Germany, has been closed and the head priest expelled. Henry Gerder was pounded to death by two unknown men in New Orleans last Wednesday. At Fort Fetterman, Neb., on the 16th inst., the mercury congealed at 45 degrees below zero. The stranded steamship South Car olina has been fldated in good condi tion off Barnegat, N. J. Castelar refuses a seat in the Span ish parliamenlt if required to swear allegiance to the monarchy. Ex-Union soldiers held a meeting Aj in New Orleans Tuesday evening and fr indorsed Sheridan and Grant. o0 The National Republican. Congres- a1 sional Committee has indorsed the E President's Louisiana policy. ai The nomination of Charles Miller to be postmaster at Brashear, La., has been confirmed by the Senate. Cincinnati is to have a new railroad ft bridge across the Ohio river, the cost w of which will be nearly a million. C The Dutch troops captured nine si Achenese forts and killed 171 of the i enemy in a battle fought last week. R The steamship Georgia, valued at ft ?$100,000, was wrecked off the coast of Ma;ine, ten days since. No lives lost. The New Orleans municipal gov ernmrent has provided the inmates of a the city Insane Asylum with blankets. s A large meeting of ex-Confederate a soldiers was held at Atlanta, Ga., on re Wednesday, Gen. Jos. Johnston presi- A dent. U The steamer Beaver, from Odessa e: to Cardiff, is supposed to have foun- 0 dered at sea, with twenty persons on 8 board. d The Bonapartists carried the Haut- P Pyrenees district in France by 6000 majority. The result caused a sea- d sation. A fearful storm raged at Salt Lake I City on the 20th. Several bridges on o the Central Pacific railway were des- ri troyed. o E. H. Cooke of the Waterford, Conn., 0 American, the oldest editor in New tl England, died at the age of 82, on the it 19th inst. It i1 The Virginius matter becomes ser- s ions. The vessels of the Gulf squad- c ron have been ordered to rendezvous at Key West. ti A Philadelphia grand jury has t found a true bill against the priest, Gerdemann, for embezzlement of the funds of St. Boniface church. The steamboat St. Francis, running front Memphis to Vicksburg, struck a snag near Madison and sank, with five feet of water over her guards. The Pacific Mail Subsidy investi- t gation and the Louisiana question i are the most important matters under t consideration before Congress. Whitelaw Reid, editor of the New York Tribune, has been ai rested for libel at the instance of ex-Gov. Shep- t herd of the District of Columbia. Gladstone has withdrawn from the leadership of the Liberal party in Iigland. It is tj)oagltt Right Hon. ] W. E. Forster will be his successor. I There is trouble between the first and second kings of Siam, father and son. The latter has disbanded his forces, however, and declines to fight. Striking miners at Dean Forest, t Gloucestershire, England, became ri 1 orous last week, and the aid of the I military was sought to queJl dis-turb The conference committees of tie Northern and Southern Presbyterian Churches failed to agree upon a basis for the establishment of fraternal re lations. President Grant urges Congress to provide better defences for the sea coast and better armament for the navy. "In times of peace prepare for war." The Mechanics' and Agricultural Fair Association of Louisiana have indefinitely postponed their annual State fair on account of business de pression. It seems probable the nomination of Pardee to be U. S. District Judge for Louisiana will not be confirmed by the Senate, owing to the opposi tion of Senator West. The Republican members of Con gress have decided with great unan imity to sustain the action of Presi dent Grant in recognizing the Kellogg government in Louisiana. The detachment of soldiers sent out to expel miners from the Black Hills region put into Camp Robinson, Jan uary 8th, officers and men being badly frozen. No trace of the miners was found. A committee of Southern Senators and Representatives had an interview with President Grant on the levee question and found him favorably dis posed toward the project of lending natural aid to the construction thereof. The q uestion of refunding the cot ton tax has been referred for consid eration to a sub-committee of the House Committee on Ways and Means composed of Messrs. Wood of New York, Cassan of Iowa and Sheldon of Louisiana. A report has been received from New Zealand that the cutter Lapwing was recently attacked by natives of Santa Cruz island, her crew overpow ered and massacred and the vessel burned. The savages afterward at tacked the British war ship Sandfiy, but were driven off. Two colored men, A. Dickerson and W. H. Keys, were shot in a brawl with the keeper of a coffee-house in Houma, La., on the 14th inst., the former being instantly killed and the latter mortally'wounded. Keys was a candidate for the Legislature from Terrebonne parish on the compromise ticket at the recent election. The following U. S. Senators have been elected during the past week; Hannibal Hamlin, Republican, from Maine; Francis Kernan, Democrat, from New York; Wm. Wallace, Dem ocrat, from Pennsylvania; T. F. Bay ard, Democrat, from Delaware; Jos. E. McDonald, Democrat, from Indi ana; Henry L. Dawes, Republican, from Massachusetts; Ex Gov. Theo. Randolph, Democrat, from New Jer sey . - Chrystiancy, Republican, from Michigan. The election of the following is considered certain ; Ram sey, Republican, from Minnesota; Carpenter, Republican, from Wiscon si ; Thayer, Republican, from Ne braska; Burnside, Republican from Rhode Island; Johnson, Democrat, from Ten nesee. The democrats of this State are 1 again greatly encouraged with the idea that the Northern democrats are about to do something for them. Senator Gordon telegraphs to them advising "still forbear." His dispatch reminds us of the noble patriotism of Artemas Ward during the war. He was willing to suffer for the cause, and expressed the hope that all the relation of his first wife might be drafted and r sent to the front. Senator Gordon's 1 dispatch is sensational rather than practical or patriotic since 1860 the I democracy of the South has waited r and hoped for help from the Northern democrats. It has never come. There may be a class of people in the North who desire trouble in the South in order that the Republican party may retain power under the old battle flags of the rebellion. There may be an other class, whose hopes of success at tihe next election, are based on keep ing the peace in the South. The active interest both these parties are taking in our affairs, is prompted by the most selfish motives. After these have suc ceeded, or failed, there will be no more such lively manifestations of sympa thy. Louisiana must work out its own destiny. Its people must help themselves, and as long as this great truth is ignored, so long will our pros pects grow darker.-La. State Regis ter. FIRST BOATS ON THE MISSISSlPPI. From 1786 to 1811 the only tran sportation upon the Mississippi was by means of flatboats and barges, three or four months being consumed in making the trip from New Orleans to Louisville. The first vessel ever built upon Western waters was the brig Dean, launched at Alleghany City, Pennsylvania, 1806. In 1811 the first steamboat on the Western waters was built by Messrs. Fulton & Livingstone, at P'ittsburg. It was a propeller, with two masts, called the Orleans. She made her first trip to New Orleans in fourteen days. The Comet and Vesuvins followed, and the Enterprise was the fourth West ern steamboat, being built at Browns ville, Pennsylvania, in 1814. The Washington was the fitth, being built at Weeling, Virginia, and Browns ville, Pennsylvania. She had two decks, being the first of that kind. She was ,a success, and the pionleer xboat of that kind on Wt.sturi 11a t.r.. - xKrha fe. Laughing Oas. Freebooters-Men who are ready to 'kickor nothing. K. K. was surpris&d to heir an Omaha man call him Mr. King. Mrs. Partington, reading ofthe strike of the wire drawers, remarked: "Ah, me what new-faugled things won't they wear next!" A Clarksville man bas written a life of the devil. The last three chapters comprise a ten years' biography of his mother-in-law. There is a vile hypocrite in Beth lehem, Pa. He actually entertaiued a company in honor of the anniverpiry of the birthday of his mother-in-law. A Mezmphis, Mo., medium reports little Charley Ross "all hunk in Par adise" lie's happier there, where Katie King can show him all the nice things Mr. Owen gave ner. And now they say William Pea would sit down under a tree with In diana about him, and telling them of the better world beyond the sea,'deal himself tour aces and win the game. Life will feel brighter when it is known that the Czar of all the Rua sians picks his teeth with ajack-knife and is about to go crazy like some o the rest of us. "Pretty bad under foot to-day," said one citizen to another, as they et in the street the other day. "Yas, but iW tile overhead," responded the other. " True enough," said the frst, "' but very few are going that way." A colored gentleman went tor seop suit one of the most "high-toned" lawyers in Boston, and after stating his case said: "Now I knows you'is a lawyer; but I wish you would pie.uee,. ear, jise tell me de truff 'bout dat mat ter." A Thomas street school boy had just got his face fixed to sing " Let us love one another," when a snow-ball hit him inl the mouth and so confusea. him that he yelled: "Bill Sykes, just do that agin and I'll chaw yodfr ear off." There is a gruff old party who lives opposite to a church where the mem bers of the choir meet twice a week to practice, and who says if the-sing ing affects Heaven, as it affects 'lts, there'll be no use of going there for happiness. The Prefect of Tein-Tain, the ifditt of Pekinng, China, whose salary was $1,500 per annum, has just retired, after four years' service, on a fortune of $750,000. He displayed thrift atid industry equal to the averageL ameri can office-holder. A Milwaukee dramatic critie tellh how one of tJLe stars was "pretty effectually st l.ed with the back of ai chair." Tho gh he had in his pocket a dead-head season ticket, he deter mined that for once he., would fear lessly give the truth. SAccording to a Paris letter hun. dreds of American mothers are there, seeking titled Frenchmen for their daughters. The old ladies doubtless think that if they mast add a fool or two to their families they may as well have the blooded kind. A good little boy on Hoyne street aide to clothe and feed his widoweJ mother by threatening to "peg" stones at the little girls as they are going to school, unless they pay him a penny a day. His ambition when he grows up is "to be a policeman." The owner of a Nashville street rail road tried to ride on one of his ears last week for nothing, and the driver "bounced" him. The driver who had read that story about the great war rior and the inflexible sentinel, ex pected to be promoted, but is now looking for a job. "Now then," said a physician, cheerily, to a patient, "you have got along far enough to indulge in a little animal food, and-" " No you don't Doctor," interrupted the patient; " I've suffered enough on your gruel and slops, and I'd starve sooner than begin on hay and oats." An old lady in town has become disgusted with almanace. She says if all the people in the country were to stop buying almanacs, " maybe the printers who make 'em would put in some total eclipses of the sun and moon, and some transit of Veanses that would be visible here. A gentleman, while walking in his garden, caught his gardener asleep under a tree. He scolded him soundly for hbs laziness, and ended by telling him such a sluggard was not worthy to enjoy the light of the sun. " It was that reason exactly," said the gar dener, " that I crept up into the shade." " Stranger, will you try shaad with us at poker ?" "Thank you, gentle men, bat there are seventeen reasons why I can not accommodate you now." " Seventeen reasons for riot playing cards ? Pray, what are they T "Why, the first is I haven't any money." " Stop! that's enougbh jaever mind the other sixteen." Girls should be warned .of the dan ger they run in marrying railroad brakemen. An enthusiastie member of that fraternity, on being awakene4 the other night from a dream of an impending crash by a train, found himself sitting up in bed, holding his wife by the ears, having nearly twisted hier hledd off in his frantic 44la*orts to sior;\ WulrjiLsPt