^ SCIENTIST I
TOGO BECOMES A FIRE HERO
Hon. Dear Sir: 'Another place where I am habitually absent can be
found at home of Hon. Mrs. & Mr. Susan J. Fogg, Turnverein, Conn. I was
burnt away from that place because of my heroism. I tell you how was:
This Mrs. Fogg lady reside with her husband and furnlure in a resi
dence, which are covered with extremely wooden decorations, which talented
aculptors have cut out with saws. She say it is one Queen Annie house. Per
haps so it is. Maybe this Annie were empress of Coney Island to build
such merry architecture.
Hon. Mrs. Boss are considerable proud of her house & what is inside.
'Togo," she otter with serious eyebrows, "there is not one drop of fire
Insurance on this house!"
So Hon. Mrs. Fogg donate to me one smallish volume of book entitled
"First Ade to Firoe." This literature which is bound in 4th of July color, tell
jne following information about fire when he gets loose:
"Chimbleys-are most dangerous articles to have around a house because
they gets clogged with soot, thusly causing inflammation of the roof which
creates blazes and burns insurance. Total loss. Best way to put out a mad
chimbley is to sprinkle salt down him until he quits.
"In case of houseaflre, human folks must be saved before all other fur
niture, because they are most combustible. This can be did by throwing
wet blanket over them and dragging them forth. Valuable heirlooms can be
saved from burning house by taking them out."
I read this instructions, Mr. Editor, and feel prepared for anything.
This Mrs. Fogg got one Irish cooklady name of Hilda Katz. Hon. Hilda
are beautiful, except her face and figure, which are not. She enjoy very
sorry romance, because of Hon. Wm., a hack-driver, who drove away with
another fiancee and remain there. Consequent of this, Hon. Hilda weep &
cook nearly all time. *
"Togo," she report to me, while making tears and pies, "never promise
to marry any gentleman in the livery-stable business."
"I shall avoid this peril firmly," I narrate.
l/*f "67 doz. assorted love-letter3 this Wm. sent me. And what usefulness
sa^they now?" Weeps by her.
t, "They might make a sad novel, if printed among pictures," I say so.
P She peel onions with Romeo expression.
t But I were too busy being a fire-detective to think of Wm. and his escape
rom love. Nearly each hour by clock-time Hon. Mrs. would come to me and
.alk underwriter language:
"You hear that smell of smoke?" she require.
It were nice, balmish evening of summer weather when Mrs. and Mr.
Hassock, neighborly persons of quiet fashion, was there to play bridge
gamble amidst society clothing. Hon. Mr. Fogg, medium gentleman with
tame whiskers, were also there acting like a husband man.
Bridge-card resume for several hours while those 4 persons sat there
calling each other "Trumps" and other American insults.
O suddenly!! what was thaE my nose smelled? Inflammatory smell of
With Iced brain I recall what "First Ade to Fires" said about mad chim
neys, so I roBh silently to outside house to see how ours were behaving. O
■urely yes! Hon. Chimbley were shooting sparkles & pin-wheels from his en
What I do then? With immediate quickness, I rosh to dining room and
grab 2 salt-sellers in my courageous thumbs. Making my toes extremely
swift, I clomb ladder to roof & scramble along shingles with care peculiar
I Pepper Considerable Salt Straight Into the Face of That Mad Chimbley.
to Tbos. Cats. Then, by heroic movements of wrists, I pepper considerable
«alt straight Into the face of that mad Chimbley. Yet he still continue on mak
ing Vesuvius out of himself.
What nextly must I do? I think of that fire-volume which say, "Human
folks must be saved before all other furniture."
So I scomper to bed room, dragg forth one complete blanket & sousb
him in wet water of bath-tub. With these blanket held in my firm knuckles,
I ascended downstairs to parlor where Hon. Mrs. Fogg set in her elegant hair
and considerable expensive face-powder calling Mrs. Hassock a "Renig" in
With wetness of blanket, I stand behind Hon. Mrs. Fogg.
"What for?" she holla when she seen me. But before anything else
could collapse, I wound wettish blanket round her head.
"Gog!" she report with strangely voice. Yet, before she could narrate
more, I had drogged her forthly to fresh air.
•What is the meaning of this meanness?" require Hon. Fogg."
"Meaning of Fire!" I yellup. "Why do you stand there making speech
less talks, when your home is sparking?"
At this oratory of words, everybody begin making hook-and-ladder move
ments. Hon. Fogfc grabb bird-cage and pair of tongs. Hon. Mrs. save 3 plush
albums. Hon. Hassock attempt to remove sideboard, but It were nailed to
floor. Hon. Mrs. Hassock rosh down street breaking fire-alarms out of tele
phone poles. -
But I were more strong In my strength. With Samurai knuckles, I
.grasp cabinet full of cut-up glasswear and roll him down front steps to
lawn. Loud crash! Thusly was valuable dishes saved from fire.
With deer-foot heels, I eloped upstairs to bed-room and begin pouring
■entire household out of window. Mattress, pitchers, rugs, etc., fell like
Niagara falling. When I threw fort* family water-color landscape represent
ing the face of Aunt Nerissa Hodges, it make boomerang fly-off and struck
on head of Hon. Fogg which went through. Too bad.
I were just In the heroism of poking brass bedstead through pane
of glass when Mrs. and Mr. Fogg eseorted by Mrs. and Mr. Hassock and
Hon Hilda Katz, cook-lady, suddenly ëncroach into room and seeze me.
"Platoon of brainless mind!" they all hiss like circular snakes. Who
Inform you this bouse were blaze?"
"Did I.not see Hon. Chimbley spitting rockets? This from me.
"Sakés of shucks!" commute Hon. Hilda contemptibly. "That were not
house-aflre. That were merely me burning negligent love-letters in kitchen
"8o*n^^bouse are not afire!" report Hon. Mrs. for disappoint
•S! sorry'" I regret. In distant midnight I could hear rural bose-cai*
^nrnnrhln* with «rangs "Maybe there was no Are, but this were ver»
£$Zl practice. Also I was enabled to show you the iced Quality of my in
telligence If there had been some Are, I should put it out.
"You have put nearly everything else out." say sorrowfully Hon. Mrs.,
looking outside to moonlight where the entire interior of her home lay scram
bled on the lawn.
ÏÏcTy" ^M^e^eVat putting things out," he suggest, "perhaps
you can place yourself elsewheres fith immediate rapidness_
7 I oblige. When nextly observed, I were setting m R. R. Station
tag for morning train and feeling quite roasted.
Hoping you «re the same, Your3 truly ,
> • (Copyright, by International Presa Bureau.)
"DEAD" 37 YEARS
Civil War Veterans Make Merry
Over Their Recovered Corn
JOY AMONG HIS KIN ;
Had Net Been Seen or Heard of by
Friends Since 188Û —Officially
Dead on Books of G. A. R.
Now York.—Joseph J. O'Donnell,
"dead" these 37 years, came to life
one night recently. Ills friends had
not seen or heard from him since 1880,
and it was officially recorded on the
books of the Lafayette post, G. A. R.,
that he had heard the final taps.
So there was joy in the home of his
sister, Mrs. George Bolster, No. 32.
Dill place, Ridgewood, Queens, last
night, when O'Donnell's companions in
arms—veterans of the One Hundred
and Sixty-fifth infantry of New York—
held a reception for the one that hud
been lost and was found.
In 1864 O'Donnell, then sixteen, en
listed, and served with Ilfs regiment
until it was mustered out September
1, 1865. A year later he joined the
Eighth cavalry, and served five years.
Then he went west and worked as a
Drops Out of Sight.
His letters reached his relatives here
and were answered until 1SS0, when
they began to come back. Mrs. Bolster
recently asked the war department to
inform her where her brother had been
buried. The answer was that he was
alive and in the Soldiers' home at
Leavenworth, Kan, She wrote to him
and he arrived last week.
Another sister. Mrs. Mary Jane.
Ilealy, lives at No. 853 Fresh Pond
road, Ridgewood, and a brother, James
O'Donnell, at No. 165 East One Hun
dred and Fifty-fifth street, New York.
Past Commander Kiernan of the La
fayette post and President A. G. Mills
. - '
Went West and Worked as a Cow
of the regimental association sent out
word to all the "boys" to be on hand.
And what a flow of reminiscences there
was I Time had purged from the mem
ory all recollection of the hardships,
and left only the glorious deeds of
those who fought for the Union.
MAN'S ARMS LIFE-SAVING NET
Father Catches Eight Children as They
Leap From Window of Burn
Phillipsburg, N. J.—When John Mc
Nicholas, a night worker, returned to
his home and found the lower floor
burning, he ran through the flames and
smoke to the bedrooms on the second
floor and aroused his eight motherless
Lining the children up before a win
dow. McNicholas first jumped out to
the lawn and then each of the chil
dren jumped Into his arms. He thus
saved them ail without Injury.
The fire, which destroyed the Mc
Nicholas home, spread to two others,
and did extensive damage. McNich
olas owned his home, and its destruc
tion will be a severe loss to him and
his large family.
KICK SPOILS MARE'S SALE
Active Heels Play Havoc With Bid
ding Ring at Auction Sale in
Wroughtstown, Pa.—It was scanda
lous the way Jennie, the old family
mare, resented being auctioned off at
the sale of the late Isaac Percy's ef
fects recently. Farmers, who intend
ing bidding, formed a ring in the barn
yard, but Jennie kicked them into the
next yard in a jiffy and sent John Kirk
patrick of Newtown banging against a
"That mare's worth $50, on condition
alone," called Auctioneer Cornell, safe
ly outside the wall, "but I'm obliged to
knock her down to the only one of you
scared bidders for his paltry $7.50."
HANGING BOY WINS
FIGHT WITH BUZZARD
Tormented to Frenzy and About
Exhausted When Bird Gives
Sant.: Rosa, Cal.— \ battle between
i giant buzzard and a fifteen-year-old
boy clinging to the root of a shrub
vais Hoe's fictional terrors.
The boy is Hans Mierbacli and he
bung high above a pile of jaaged
rocks for four hours. He was walk
ing on the brink of a precipice when
Iiis foot slipped and he fell over.
y/r ' y tu i /J
Was Tormented to a Frenzy.
Twenty feet below he caught a root
and hung on. With his handkerchief
he tied his left wrist to the root and
then wrote a note to a boy friend,
bidding him farewell and saying that
no one was responsible for his pre
Just as he finished writing a huge
buzzard flew down upon him and
started to peck at his head and body.
The hungry bird inflicted deep
wounds in the boy's flesh. Young
Mierbach fought the buzzard with his
free hand for over an hour. He had
been tormented to a frenzy and was
about exhausted when the bird gave
up the fight.
At nightfall a searching party found
the boy and rescued him. He had near
ly lost consciousness from his expe
rience, and loss of blood.
Indian captive is found
William Barnhart Sees Cousin Whose
Mother Was Seized Seventy
Pendleton, Ore.—William Barnhart,
a Umatilla Indian, returned home the
other morning from Fort Hall reserva
tion in Idaho, where he found the
daughter of his aunt, whose mother
was captured 70 years ago by the Ban
nock Indians and held in slavery.
The woman was captured in the
early forties on a camp of his father's
between La Grande and Weiser. His
father, whose name was also William
Barnhart, escaped In the raid, but his
father's mother and several relatives
were killed and his father's sister was
Young William Barnhart had often
heard his father tell of the raid, and
expressed a great desire to trace his
aunt. Handicapped because of lack
of familiarity with the Bannock
tongue, he finally found an interpreter.
After a three-day search, he ran
across an old Indian, who informed
him that his aunt had died 11 years
ago, and that her daughter, Nannie
Beil, was married and living on the
reservation. Other Indians remem
bered the events of the capture of Nan
ALWAYS CARRY A LOAF,
MORAL OF THIS TALE
Canton.—When two holdups
robbed Charles Sells here they
overlooked a loaf of bread ha
was carrying and so missed get
ting a $5 bill.
When Sells saw the two men
loitering in his path, he thought
they looked like highwaymen, So
stuck the currency in the wrap
ping paper covering the bread.
He didnl: have time to hide
$» more, so they took that.
TURTLE HAS SNAKE'S HEAD
Japanese Fishermen in California
Puzzled Over Strange Catch
During Fishing Trip.
Los Angeles.—When is a turtle not
Or, what is an animal that has the
ook of a turtle, the head of a snake,
he mouth and beak of an eagle and
he claws of a ferocious member of the
This is the puzzle that Japanese fish
ermen are trying to solve at the fish
■ng village north of Santa Monica fol
owing a strange catch brought in from
i deep-sea fishing trip.
T7T\TT< J Tr^
W-.- K '■ '
Took Freak Ordinaass to Set Matters Right
If a\s.\s cm.
Llk Was IllSi oyrl
have the council
ig le w in I c e
; v. ii Mr>. Arch
\\ h ;ivenue-.
T, i ' 1
ibuld A. .M I
and Mrs. K. T. Bn .■■■ ;. At the in
stance of Mrs. M, "i her husband was
nd later Mrs. Bickncll was
F also warned it, the charge. They
tÿ pleaded guilty >> the charge agaite-c
them in the South side court
__ und were fined spin each by .fudg
Joseph F. Keinem. Mrs. RicknelL
paid the 8200. Later Mrs. Marrs complained to Burr N. Mosnmu, assistant
city counselor, that the money with which the fine was [»aid bad In-on realized
from the saie of some diamonds belonging, not to Mrs. Biekneli. hut to herself.
Mrs. Marrs wanted the 8200. There had been no intention on the part of
Judge Keirnan to collect tin* tine, in- having levied ii merely as n club to keep
Mr. Marrs in order. Consequently, when Mrs. Marrs had succeeded in interest
ing Mayor Edwards and several others in her case Mr. Mosman drew up and
recommended the passage of the special ordinance.
The ordinance, introduced by Alderman Townsend and approved by tho
ways and means committee, provides that the 8200 be taken from the city
and given to Mrs. Marrs.
Marrs is a traveling salesman. It is said he and Ids wife have settled
their matrimonial troubles and are living together again.
Unable to Enter Army, Youth Will Work Farm
N EW YORK.—The patriotic spirit of the youth of this country has mani
fested itself again and again among the undergraduate student bodies of
tlx- universities in this city. Each day brings stories of heroic deeds per
forined on the battlefields of Europe
l>y New York college men and of the
students here forming into fighting
units in preparation for the conflict.
Now comes the tale of a group of
young men eager to serve their coun
try, but who because of physical disa
bilities may not go into the "first line."
Their patriotic endeavor did not eml
there, however, and now having failed
in their attempt to arm they will farm.
Mr. H. H. Van Aken, a senior in
the New York University School of
Law, was one of the first applicants to present himself at the offices of the
Training Camps association after that body issued its cull for men to enlist
in the Plattsburg camp. The rigid physical examination prevented Mr. Van
Aken from becoming an officer in the United States army. His application,
for enlistment In the regulars was also rejected and it then became necessary
for Mr. Aken to turn his mind to other channels in order to serve his country.
He decided to utilize a farm which had recently come into his possession.
In Ulster county just south of Kingston, N. Y.
As soon as his decision to return to the farm hud been made, Mr. Van
Aken announced his intention to his classmates, and in less time than it takes
to tell, enough men to work the farm all summer had volunteered their serv
ices. In each instance they were men who laid endeavored to enter either tiu»
army or the navy and had been rejected because of physical disabilities.
Beans and potatoes will be the principal articles grown, and chicken»
will be raised.
u* -C, — *" •*'' . 4r
Visitor Tempted Fate, and Retribution Was Sudden
■ ETROIT. —Well, he is dead, and I killed him, and it serves him right! He'd
' been hangiife around my desk all Evening, doggone him!—and I was busy,
too, trying to find out who did what at the Irvington flag raising, and needing
all my natural acumen for the busi
ness at hand.
Then in lie comes!
At first I was inclined to be nice
to him, because he was the first of his
family to honor our city room with a
visit this year, and I took his eominjf
as an omen that spring couldn't be
more 'n six weeks off now. So I was
almost polite. I said :
"Beat it—can't you see I'm busy?"
Well, politeness was altogether
wasted on him. He hung around and
hung around. I said, still with the courtesy due a guest : "Dern you—I told
you to beat it. Now, you beat it or I will heave a lead slug at you and squash
Still he did not go. He hung around and buzzed around, and I couldn't
think, or anything, and I said to the city editor that it was something awful
the way anybody was allowed to come loafing around the city room and
bother the reporters when they were trying to work, and he said something
about how we always gotta be polite to visitors, without exception, because
some time mebbe they will have a scoop and give it to us, or something.
So, for awhile I tried to Ignore this party that kept bothering me, and
tried to keep on writing, and even moved a paste pot so lie wouldn't sit In it,
and never said a thing when lie wiped his feet on my coat, and then, just ns
I was chasing an elusive adjective up the tree of rhetoric, and all but had it
treed on the tiptop limb, this guy starts in to sing!
Did you ever try to write something when anybody is singing? Well—it
cannot be done. I dared at him horribly, but he kept on singing. I said to
him. "Don't you know any hotter than to sing around here at ten o'clock at
night, just before the bulldog is going to press, and sing?"
And he got up right by my car and began to sing again.
And tlmi is when I did it. He was the first mosquito i
Bean Like Rare Gem Adorns Senator's Tie
W ASHINGTON.—Senator A. A. Jones of New Mexico, formerly first as
sistant secretary of the interior, lias recently been presented with prob
ably the most unique article of jewelry known to the craft. A little spotted
bean, known throughout the South
western states—the only section of the
country in which it thrives—as the
Pinto, is now being worn in the cravat
of Senator Jones. It has been hand
somely mounted in a solid gold setting
and was received* by the senator with
the accompanying letter:
"You will find in the mail of
early date a registered package con
taining a true specimen of the New
£Iex»co Pinto bean mounted on a tie
pin. A few months ago It might have
seemed ridiculous to exalt the lowly bean to the realm previously occupied
by the diamond, the pearl and other precious gems, Hut in view of the present
prices which, the legumes are now bringing, and their increasing scarcity, I
have deemed them good material for th£ jeweler's art.
"Twenty-two million pounds of these beans were raised last year on the
dry farms of New Mexico. This year we are working hard to double this
amount, for there is no better food for the soldiers or the civilian than the
bean, and we believe there is no better- bean than the New Mexico Pinto.
Should our,senator, even for a moment, show his interest in our efforts by
giving this little spotted bean a place in his cravat, our farmers learning of
the honor bestowed upon it, would get busy and raise the largest and best
crop of Pintos in the history of New Mexico, or break something in the effort.
"M. It. GONZALEZ,
"County Agricultural ^geat
"Las Vegas, N. M„ May 10." -
THE ' x
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