YOU'LL LAUGH!
DOESN'T HURT TO
LIFT CORNS OUT
Magic! Costs few cents!
Just drop a little Freezone on
that touchy corn, instantly it
stops aching, then you lift the
bothersome corn off with the
fingers*, Jrulyl No humbug!
Try Freezone l Your druggist
sells a tiny bottle for a few cents,
sufficient to rid your feet of every
hard corn, soft com, or com be
tween the toes, ar.d calluses, with
out one particle of pain, soreness
or irritation. Freezone is the
mysterious ether discovery of a
noted Cincinnati genius. Great!
FIRST COUSIM WORTH HAVING
Would Be Grand If Every Nephew of
Uncle Sam Could Have One
Just Like Her.
The homo-body on her way to mnr
hot had been buried In her shopping
list until the voices of her neighbors
renohod her.
"What did you hoar from .Tack?"
"I had a nice letter yesterday from
him; so interesting, lie tohl about
some girl- perfect stranger—who sent
him a box of home-made stuff. There
were socks and wristlets and a hel
met and candy."
"Why, the idea of sending nil that
to a strange eliap."
"But you see," Jack's mother went
on to explain "by way of apology for
taking the liberty—it seems she had
got his name out of a list of boys in
camp down there—she explained that
ns Uncle Sam was her uncle, and
Jack's too, that made them first cous
ins, and so In* couldn't possibly be of
fended with her. Wasn't that cute?"
"I should say so."
"Then she told him if he opened the
candy when he was on 'open' or 'neu
tral seas he must divide with his other
cousins, and if there was any of the
candy left by the time he landed In
France he must give It to his second
cousins—the English and the French.
It was the cheeriest letter ! And so
Interesting! So much so that he sent
It to me to read. Cunning little minx,
using that Uncle Sam gag."
"Sure," remarked her companion,
"but that's the girl of it!"
Royal Wit Not Slow.
Rich in sly humor was the reply of
Henry IV of France, who one day
reached Amiens after a prolonged Jour
ney. A local orator was deputed to
harangue him, and commenced with a
lengthy string of epithets:
"Very great sovereigns, very good,
very merciful, very magnanimous—■'
"Add also," interrupted the weary
monarch, "very tired."
Fear of being found out is responsi
ble for many a man's respectability.
Too many men are incapable of do
tug tlielr own thinking.
Wakeful
Nights
-Öo out of style
in the family that
once drank coffee
but now uses
INSTANT
POSTUM
This wholesome bev
erage of delicious
flavor contains no
drug elements to
upset heart or nerves
and its cheery good
ness is just the thing
igliS^îS
r table
Tberfc
a
Beasoif
ri.t'i
mr
High Winds Make Trouble for Gotham Pedestrians
N h\\ 3 < *RK.—The problem of how to con
oneself, nr when* to lie conducted in un s*>-mile traie fa
V
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oneself. or where to conduct
I virtual!, every
one who had the temerity to shut an apartment house door behind himself or
herself on the way to business one
morning recently. All sorts of per Ü, r
sons took the storm in all sorts of
manners, but in the main New York j
regarded the draught rather seriously {
and went in whatever direction or at
Whatever velocity the breeze sug
One young woman who refused to 1 —
F* V( ' her name, address or any inklinJ
of what she thought of the day wa*
blown nil the way across City Halt L —- r '*-*■ <*'
pai k from Broadway. She continued
to run at the rate of about "0 miles an hour nntil she managed to get hold of
an "1. pillar in Park Itow. Stic swung around it three times and her hat was
blown high in the air and hung suspended from the "L" structure.
for three tortuous moments the young woman strove to keep a hohl on
the pillar and keep lier tailor-made suit when* a tailor-made suit should
remain, after which she went running again and was carried straight through
the swinging doors of a modest saloon on the east side of the street. There
her hat was delivered to her and a policeman led her to the subway kiosk.
Samuel \ ichie, a twelve-year-old schoolboy living at 83 Oliver street,
never knew bis strength until that time. II»* was standing at the corner
of Lafayette and Duane streets when the gale swept into his reefer and
rompers and lifted him quite free of the earth. He Hew across tin* street ami
landed against a team of stalwart horses. Both horses fell down, and a
moment later, to the boy's utter astonishment, the truck rolled over after
them. The hoy suffered slightly from shock and greatly from ego.
At nine o'clock a human chain formed at the corner of One Hundred and
Forty-lifth street and Broadway and for more than half an hour a steady
stream of persons made their way to the subway by tin* expedient of getting
a place in the line and holding onto the hand of the person before them.
On the Same Plan Youth Might Have Started Harem
J
FUSE Y CITY.—No matter bow patriotic
have more than one wife, .Bum
learm-d when lie was arraigned befo
II?
* may lie. It does not pay to
Hanlon, an eighteen-year-old sailor.
Magistrate Grossman on a charge of
ligamy. Hanlon enlisted when tills
•ountry entered the war. Clad in his
iniform he made a big impression on
.tk ■
fff A
VGA
: -s
lion told A
MiTn stai,
I. Or!
h < 'on
•be
• 1 v
;':un t witli
had been iss
1 erl'nnned in
liuni T. ÀI' La
man ('iiiholie
Miss Emilia P
Wife No. 1 learned ol' the
lien !..* la aril a warrant
ini for his arrest, was
Jersey City by It-v. Wil
i'.gliün of St. Mary's Hu
•lmreli. January 7. Him
oik of 0015 East Eighty
second Mrs. Hanlon and
Ion admitted, be sifippe
third street, Manhattan,
got a warrant for Hanlon's arrest.
"How did you expect to take care of two wives on your salary?" Mr.
McCrystal asked him.
"Oh, I'd live with them both," was the naive reply. "They are not very
big and I guess I could keep them from pulling each other's hair if they tried
to start anything."
Hanlon told Mr. McCrystal Emma Bolk knew when she was married to
him that he had married Elizabeth Connolly.
The second wife denied this. She said she had seen Hanlon and Miss
Connolly come out of the church October lé, but thought they were coming
from confession. She admitted the couple were followed by a crowd that
threw old shoes and rice at them.
"I thought it was a Joke," she explained, "and I Joined in the fun."
Magistrate Grossman sent Hanlon to tlie Tombs in default of $1,500 bail
for examination.
h
in
A
come on
now
5nÿ
Elopement Plans Ended by Stern Policewoman
C HICAGO.—A crap game and a policewoman ended what had been planned
as a happy elopement for "Y'ak" Williams and his erstwhile "future,"
Margaret Cordith. It all happened in a West side theater. "Yak," a veteran
newsboy at Madison and Halsted
streets, had talked tilings over with
Margaret, and the stage was set for
the elopement. "Yak" counted his
day's earnings—$2.50—but still uot
enough to get mnrried on.
An alley crap game profited him
to the tune of $.37.50. With the money
nicked away in a secret pocket, he
rushed to break the glad tidings to
Margaret.
Margaret agreed to pack up at
once, but said if they left before night
fall her mother would become suspicious. So they agreed to take the mid
night train for Milwaukee. In the meantime "Yak's" luck took another turn,
and this time the bones failed him to the extent of the entire forty. "Yak"
come back to Margaret crestfallen.
Margaret was determined not to let their future happiness be halted by
a mere few dollars, and from a girl friend she borrowed all—$3.60.
The happy couple decided to take in a "movie" before the train left Mar
garet was restless and "Yak" was nervous. Their actions, coupled with their
possession of the two overpacked suitcases, aroused the suspicions of a po
licewoman in the theater.
Despite protests, they were marched to the Desplaines street station.
Mrs. O'Brien, Margaret's mother, was sent for. With a daggerlike glance
at her "almost" son-in-law she rushed to lier daughter's side. She per
suaded Margaret to return home.
"Y'ak" is still selling papers on the corner, and is confident that he'll win
his bride yet.
«
Youth Merely Victim of Overvaulting Ambition
M ILWAUKEE.—Anton Tuczynski is employed ns an attendant at Muirdale.
He took a trip to Windlake and Hayes avenues. A eail was received by
tlie police to send tlie patrol wagon to that section.
"When we got there this fellow
told me that a man had tried to hold
up a girl, hut that he got away," said
Patrolman Zarek.
The patrol wagon was sent back
with a much-disgusted crew.
"About ten o'clock I carne across
the defendant after be had told a
small boy that he was Probation Offi
cer Kelley, and that he was in that
neighborhood to break up the gang
known as the 'Bloody Sixty-Four,' "
said Zarek.
asked Judge Tage, when the accused
I DOft'T BEL08CT0
OP BLOODY SIXTY
FOUR HO 0
HO -o 0
"What was the matter with you?'
was arraigned in his court
"Well, your honor, I have an application in to be appointed a probation
officer, and I thought that if I went down in that section and cleaned up a
good case it would help my future," said Tuczynski.
"Then yot^ thought that a little practice would make you perfect for the
position which you desired," said Judge Page.
"I think he is a little gone in the upper story," interposed Patrolman
Zarek.
By order of Judge Page, Doctor Rupp examined the defendant, and his
decision was as follows :
"The boy is sane, but he has a bug on being appointed probation officer,
and I advised him that unless he mended his ways he would not be an em
ployee of the county but a patient of Doctor Young."
He was lined $5.
the
and
tory
Plan Outlined for Making Melting Pot
Do Its Full Duty Toward Democracy
By DR. I. N. HOLLIS, President of \t orccstcr Polytechnic Inst.tut»
P
Through our workshops at
through as.-noiations we should b
ship. This is more important tlm
United States gnat examples id' ;
perpetuation of German er other
America is unthinkable, and we
down m one way or another.
I here should he a great org:
l nited States for Americanism, an
............... all other iniluence
and by a more elTeetivo propagate:
»•an ever again set up in America. This is the nu-lti:
duty to make sure that, when the wh<-h mass is f
American democracy firm in its convictions.
it there is to l*e service in war, the whole natii
men. women and children, must share in the sacriti
-chools and
- of citizen
;ng into the
n led up
and the (
pared. \Y
have 1
'■iplim
them.
1 have nev
too much eontfi
errs constitut in
that system is, howev
and for uhed.enee to
losely to the politician a ft. 1
ree or four thoughts that wo
reasoning of anv nation if t
irt in Kunqi
. The
foreign 1 -uri
eties in
ought to hr*
uk that
mi/at;* ni wit
.in t ho
<1 It ought to
he Used
by public -
peaking
a than tin <
o rnuuis
ig p<4. ami i
: is our
Used, it. n in
airis an
ui, every ind
ividual.
v and must
he pre
.v year- ago.
ami we
mid d. -troy
the (lis
that nation
' - ia-veil
been a believer in th
into the hands of a o
the German general s
*r. good. It makt
aw.
• German system. be« a
mparativeiy small nun
:atf. The idea of y, n
- for the edueati. >n of
Military training is probably the ! >« r method w< have of
■ zing tlie young men who come to us from foreign countries,
one of them ought to be required to take his turn of service,
necessary that a foreign citizen making his home here should 1
to hear arms against his old country; but he should, for the sak
B J g him American ideals and American institutions, lie oblig.
American
and every
It is not
quin
his {dace in the camps
his living oii our soil,
to ke. p step, and that
everything el.-e in this .
trifugal. Keen step!
with young Americans if he is pe
r i he simplest of military training
is a great moral iniluence. MV
"'.n.trv, where the force- are so n
of teaeh
1 to take
mitted to make
is learning how
need it bevond
j
j
j
I
j
I
;
!
j
American People Should Net Forget
Foremost Fighting
Lan m the
' FL-iNfC J. KIRC! 1, Private, 38th U. S. Infantry, 1 leadquarters Company,
3rd Division, Camp Greene, Chariotte, N. C.
Th
io regular of our army is an independent, ear»-free lighting man,
will never complain in any circumstances. 1 should like to sav
h word in behalf o! this straight soldier, who goes ahead with his task
and does not whimper because the other follows get all the "goodies"
and attention from the fofks at home.
So much has been made of National army men and National Guards
men, whose home ties are, perhaps, stronger than those of the regulars,
that the man who enlisted under Uncle Sam's flag to fight as a "sure
enough regular is receiving less thought and less of the good things of
life. The regular will not ask for anything except that which is his due
from the constituted military authorities. He can growl, perhaps, as
frequently ns any civilian, but he growls only when lie knows he is not
getting what tlie law intends he shall have.
For mollycoddling he cares not a bit, but he is just as human as any
selective service man or National Guardsman in this whole broad lam!.
In these days, when solicitude is felt for the selected man and Guards
man, let some heart thought go out to the regular. He does not get as
many letters from home as the other men get. Frequently the regular
has no family ties except those of the great human family, but at that
he appreciates it when he knows he is being remembered.
No one ever asks about tlie fighting qualities of the regular, because
the question is unnecessary. He is licked only when he is dead. He
doesn't ask for kind thoughts or kind gifts, but he is grateful if he
receives them.
The American people should not forget the foremost fighting man in
the world, the United States regular, and they should try to convince him
in some way that they appreciate the fact that he is taking his life in his
hands lor their sake and the sake of democracy.
win
Democrats Are Willing to Go on Fighting
Until Thrones Disappear
By WILLIAM ENGLISH WALLING, American Alliance lor Labor and Democracy
a
In all the leading countries of the world the tories are uniting for an
immediate or German peace. They are not friends of the Prussian
junkers -not by any means—hut they realize that to defeat the Prussian
junkers and the semidemoeratic governments of the entente countries,
England, France and Italy, may have to be further democratized. This
democratizing would mean the end of the entente tories. Therefore the
plutocrats and aristocrats of these countries are now ready for a junker
peace. If the war is prolonged for another year or more their estates,
monopolies and privileges will be confiscated.
Lansdowne in England has secured the support of a large part of
the British lords and earls for his policy of surrender.
Uaillaux in France was involved with a large number of the leading
plutocrats and aristocrats of that country. It took over a year before the
French chamber of deputies dared to put this powerful personality on
trial.
In Italy Giolitti has the support of a large part of the plutocracy
and aristocracy, and has been working steadily for a German settlement
from the very beginning of the war.
In a late dispatch from England, Sir Algernon Methuen gives the
tory reason for supporting the Lansdowne peace movement.
Unless the war is settled forthwith, Sir Algernon says: "Thrones will
disappear and foundations of society be shaken."
Exactly . If the war is prolonged a year or so—the time required to
administer a thorough defeat to the junkers—thrones will disappear, aris
tocracies will be abolished and plutocracies will receive their death blow
Therefore, say the tories, let the war be ended forthwith.
Ilierefore, soy the worlds democracies, let the war continua.
to
?
to
|
1
j
After Being Relieved of Or
ganic Trouble by Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound.
Oregon. III. —" I took i.ydia E. Pink
ham's Vegetable Compound for an or
ganic trouble which
pulled me down un
til I could not putmy
foot to the floor and
j could scarcely do my
'work, and as I live
on a small farm and
raise six hundred
chickens every year
it made it very bard
for me. ' »
"I saw the Com
pound advertised in
our paper, and tried
it. It has restored
my health so I can do all my work and
I am so grateful that l am recommend
ing it to my friends."—Mrs. D. M.
Alters, R. R- 4, Oregon, 111.
Onlywomen whohave suffered the tor
tures of such troubles and have dragged
j along from day to day can realize the
j relief which this famous root and herb
j remedy, Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
I Compound, brought to Mrs. Alters,
j Women everywhere in Mrs. Alters'
I condition should profit by her recorn -
; mendation, and if there are any com
! plications write Lydia E. Pinkham'a
j Medicine Co., Lynn, MasB., for advice.
The result of their 4U years experience
is at your service.
What Do You Know About
CATTLE?
Do You Want to Know ffce
CATTLE BUSINESS?
Drop US a post rani, today and
cot FKKH INF ORMATION about
thu N< w Bonk,
•'CATTLE BREEDS AND ORION"
about all broods of cat!!-* on earth.
DU DA VI□ ROBERTS' VETERINARY CO.. A 100. WA'JKESHÄ. Wll
CARTER'S]
UTILE
:ver
! PILLS.
s3h£I !
For
Carter's Little
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will set you right
over night.
Purely Vegetable
Small Pill, Small Dose, Small Price
Carter's Iron Pills
Will restore color to the faces of
those who lack Iron in the blood,
as most pale-faced people do.
W. N. u., MEMPHIS, NO. 13-1918.
Heavy Editorial.
Ah xander H. Stephens, vire presi
dent of the Southern Confederacy,
who after the Civil war was repeated
ly elected to congress from Georgia,
was an exceedingly thin man. One day
there fell under Ids obsevation a news
paper item saying that he weighed f*0
pounds, in reply to this he wrote a
letter to the editor of the offending
Journal demanding nil immediate re
traction. "I will not he slandered in
this- matter," he protested, "my
weight is 94 pounds." Tlie former vice
president was himself an editor, with
a habit of writing very long articles for
his paper in Georgia, and the contem
porary which had made the unwelcome
statement regarding his weight refused
to retract it for the reason, he said,
that "Mr. Stephens must have had one
of Ids editorials In bis pocket when
lie last tried the scales. This would
account for the difference of four
pounds between the two figures."
Alien's Foot-Ease for the Troops.
Many war zone hospitals have ordered Alien's
foot-Ease, the antiseptic powder, for lise
nmoiifj the troops. Shaken Into the shoes and
sprinkled in the foot bath, Allen's Foot-Ease
piles rest and comfort, and makes walking a
delight. Sold everywhere 25c. Try it today. Adv.
Their Kind.
"When they pass antitrust laws la
th<* future they will have teith in
them."
"< >h, that's only lilting sarcasm."
Tough Luck.
'Tour Louise! Just as she met her
Meal he—" "Died?" "No, lie met his
ideal."
DON'T GAMBLE
that your heart's all right. Make
sure. Take "Renovlne"—a heart and
nerve tonic. Price 50c and $1.00._Adv.
If a man empties his purse into his
head lie will keep it, and be able soon
to refill his purse.
Do not be a derelict and drift aim
lessly on the Ocean of Life.
Acid Stomach. Heartburn an* Nause«
? Ulckly disappear with the use of Wright s
ndtan Vegetable Pills Send for trial box
to 372 Pearl St.. New York Adv.
A prophet is a person who expects
the unexpected.
■!
C HILDREN
Should not be "dosed"
for colds—apply "ex*
— ternally"—
iPoagJ!