The Cadiz sentinel. [volume], March 29, 1865, Image 1

About The Cadiz sentinel. [volume] (Cadiz, Ohio) 1864-1911

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'ETERNAL VIGILANCE IS '. THE PRICE OF LIUKHTY." Thomas J f for.oB.
VOLUME 31, NO. 4S.
CADIZ, OHIO, WEDNESDAY,- MARCH 2D, 18G5.
TERMS 62,50 PER ANNUM
THE RUNAWAY MATCH:
-oil, " . .
Uoir the Schoolmaster Married
, ; - a Fortune.
Jt' about ten yearn age since the incident
whit I'm (twine in tell, tuck place. It
routed a peat sensation at Pincville at the
' time, and had the effect to make fellers mou
strous careful how they run away with other
people's daughter without their consent,
ever senses
. . Mr. Ebenezer Doollittle tfas the bornina
blest niaa after rich Rain that ever was. lie
hadn't been keeping school in I'tueville
more than rix mooths, before he had found
Hut every rich gal in the settlement whose
. father bad twenty niggers aud- he courted
' all of '-eut within a day' ride. I lo was
raiher-old to be annular with the gals, and
sonubow they didn't like Lin ways, and the
way tnoy'dia Wun linn on was enough to
. discourage anybody but a Yankee school
master that ; wanted to git married.- and
hadn't many years of (trace left. But it
didu't seem to make no sort of difference to
him. He undertook 'm by the job. lie
was bound to have a rich wife out of . stmie
f 'ctu, anj.tf ho failed in one case, it only
made Uiui more persevering iu the next.
llij motto was never say die.
Bettv Darling as thev used to. call her
-Vjild Mr. Darling's Daughter, what used to
Te out on R'jns was about the torn-sown-est
tub-chief of a gal in Georgia., Ret--.f4ty
was rich;, handsome and smart, and had
ntor admirers than yon could shake a stick
at, but she "Was such n toruienliu' little co
quette that ihe leys were all afraid to court
. lier in riht down earnest. When .Mr.
Dooliuto i'bund her out he went rite at her
like a house a fire. . She was just the gal
. for hiitij and lie was determined to have her
at the risk of his lite.
Well, he laid scige to old Sir. Darling's
Jiouse day and night, and when he could
' not leave his ,yhool to go and see her, he
rit letters to her, that was ennff to throw
uay other gal but Betty Darling into a tit
of high steucks to ;-ead 'eiu. Just as every
body expected, afcer eticouragin' him just
enuff to make a feller bdievo he had the
thing did, she kicked him Hat. But shaw,
he was perfectly used to it, and he was too
much of a fi-osopher to be discouraged by
such A rebuff, when tha game was worth
pursuing. ,.
He didn't loose a niirit's time, but just
' Crushed up and went right at her again.
Euery body was perfectly (surprised to see
. hitif gwine buck to old Mr. Darling's after
the way lie had been treeted by Betty;' and
.they were a good deal more surprised, mid
the boys were teribly alarmed in about a
..month at the headway he seemed to bo ma
im' in his suit. All at once, Miss Betty's
conduct seemed to change' towards him, and
though her father and mother weer terribly
ttppofed to the match, any body could see
that she was begin'm' to like the schoolmas
ter very we!!. , , ,
Things went on in this way for a while
till biuicby old Mr. Darling begun to get so
.uneasy about that he told Mr. Doolittle one
dae that he nmsn't come to his house no
wore; and if be ketched him sending any
;."aiore love' let terti and kiss iwi to his
. daughter by bi.tnigger.gali. he'd make one
of his boys pive. him an ailfued, cowhidin. ;
But Mr. Doo'ittlc didn't care for that nei
ther. He could be near Miss Betty when
. she cornehopin' in stoics in town and there
Was moW'n 'nrteWay to get a letter to her.
What did he cure for that old Darling?
ili daughter-wan head and heart in love
with him, and was just the gal, to run away
with him too, it the was opposed by lur
'". -.parent. 'And as for the property, he was
" ''certain' of that when he got the gal.
One Sunday when there was no school,
, -Jib. lo(.Kttle went to old Squie Rogers, a
and told him he must be ready to marry a
oouy'.e that night at exactly ten o'clock.
" ' Mi'.iii," sez ha, "voa nmsn't wiy a 'word
to nobody. Squire. The license is all ready,
and the parties want it to be very private "
Squire Rogers was one of the most ac-
-OOhimodatin old fellows in the world on such
occasions. Mrs. Rogers was a, monstrous
, cranny, cross bid lady, and nothing done the
, old Squire so much good as to many other
v people; it didn't make no odds who they was,
besides, Mr. Doolittlo was a if injured man,
rand a great scholar, in his opinion, and be
loniod to his church.
Mr. Doolittlo had arranged tho whole
business in first rate order. Miss Betty was
to meet him at the end of her father's luue,
"disguised in a-dress borrowed for the occa
sion, when he was to take her in a close one
liorse barouche, and ,Uy with her on the
wings cf love," as he said he would, to the
Squire's whar they would be' united iu bands
of wedlock before any body in tho village
knowid nnythinp about, it. He had made
j arrangements at tho hotel for a room, which
he seed fixed up himself for the auspicious
occasion; and he had writ a letter to a friend
down in Augusty, to be thar the next week,
to take charge pf his school, as he thought
it itiouglit be neaessury for him to keep ont
the wav of old Darling for a few weeks, till
the ok! fellow could have time to come to. i
r ..AH day Mr. Doolittle was bustling about
s Wifdie wasn't Certain which end ho st'od
' - i(n",' while the snnshine of his hart beamed
from hirj taller-colored face in a way to let
everybody know something extraordinary
griiie happen.. j
' " "Just after dark he moughtbeen seen driv
ing out by himself iu a barouche towards
old Mr. .Purling' s. Everybody suspected
aomcthmg, and all bauds was nn the look-
. out. It was .plain to see Sipiire Rogers'
yiinportaiiec wasjsw'ejlod considerably with
'something new, but jiobody could gut a word
..out of him. ., r . f v . - .'
; Mr. Doolittle didn't spare tho lash after
lip got out of sightof town, and with strain
'cd eves and palpitatin hart he soon veach
V;d the place appointml to meet the object
of hisconsumiiig aftcctioiis, . ...
; Was she thar? No! yes? it is. Yes thar
" ho isl the dear creatitroj- The skirt of her
. Iiaiikeen ridin' dress, what.sets close to her
" 'angelic form, flutterin' in the breeze. She
. stands timidly couchin' by the fense holdin'
-ior vale close in her lovely face, tremblin'
: m every joint for fear shd mouitht be dis-
icoverod and torn away from the anus of
her devoted Ebenczor." ,' '
"' ; ' "Dearest angle!" 6ez he, in a low ' voice.
' '0h, Ebenwerr and kind 0' fell in his ,
- .ruis.: ,..,. -: , ' .-' ,';';'
. '"Compose yourself, my love?" . '
: '"Oh, if father should- " . !
. "Don't fear, dearest creature, tny.arui
;( Rholl piotectyij against the world." And
' he. waf just gwino to pull away her veil to
,itn her-- '., 1,.. .11 .
"Oh!" eeg she, "didn't Hiear somebody '
comiri??' ' . ' i
"Eb!" sci he, lookih' round) "let's git
in my dear." ", "
An wilK "that he'helped ner into" the Ba
rouche and contented himself with imprint
ing a burnin'- Kiss that almost ringd the
-. (kid-glove on her dear little hands, as he
islosed the door. Then jnmpin' on tho front
" .seat, he drove as fast as be could to town,
enpouragitif all' the way, and swearin': to hor
ne would love her and make her happy, aad
tollin' hor how her father and mothor vnuld
forgive her, and think as much ot her as
ever.
Boor gal he was so terribly agitated that
she couldn't do nothin' but sob and cry,
which made Mr. Doolittlo tore her all the
nion and swar the harder.
When they got to the Squire's office and
hcliiod her out of the barouche, every
body knew her at once, in spite of her dis
guise, and such another excitement was
never seed in l'meviile. Sum of the fellers
was half out of their senses, and it was ne
cessary to hurry thu ocremnny over as quick
as possible for fear of boin' interrupted by
the row that was evidently bruin.
"Re, quick, Squire," sc Doolittle, hand
ing out the license, and shaken. like he hud
the nger, '"for Miss Darling is very much
agisted."
The Squire hardly waited to wipe his spec
tacles, and didn't take time to enjoy himself
in read in the ceremony slow, and puttin
the double emi qnivcrs in his voice like he
always did. The noise was gottin' loader
and louder out of doors, and toniebody was
knockin' to get in.
' Oh!" sez Betty, leaniu' on Mr. Doolit
tlc's ami for support.
"(Jo on." scz Doolittle, prcssin' her to
his side, his eyes on the Squire, and his face
as white as a (-licet.
"Open the door, Rogers," scz a hoarse
voice out side.
But the Squire didn't hear nothin' till he
prononnccd the la-t words of (he ceremony,
and Ebcnc2cr Doolittle and Elizalicth Dar
ling were pronounced man and wife. .
Just then the door opened. In rushed
old Mr. Darling and Bill and Darling fol
lowed by a whole heap of fellers.
''Take hold of her! scz old Darling, flour
ishing his cane over his head. "Take bold
of the huzzy!"
"Stand oft'," scz Doolittle throwin' him
self into a real stae attitude, and support
ing his faintin bride in one arm. "Stand
off old mail! She is my l iwful wife, and I
claim the protection of the law."
"Knock him down! take hold of him!"
Fez hajf a dozen; and Bill Darling grabbed
the bridegroom by the nock, while Squire
Rogers jumped upon thcrtable and hollered
out:
"I command the peace! I command the
peace in the name ol the State of Georgia!"
"She's hiy wife!" shouted Doolittle. 'I
call upon the law.
'Juit then the bride git over her faintin'
Gt, and raised her drnpin' head the veil
fell off, and oh, cruel fate! Mr. Ebenczor
Doolittle stood petrified with horror, holdin'
in his arms, not Miss Betty but Miss Bet
ty's waitin' maid, one of tho. blackest nig
gers in Georgia, who, at this iiiterestin' cri
sis rolled her eyes upon him like two pealed
onionsand throwin her arms around his
neck exclaimed:'
"Dis is my own dear husband what Miss
Betty gin roc her own self!"
' Go to the devil, vou black ," sez
Doolittle, tr.yin'- to null away from her.
, "Stick to him, Sally,'-' sez, the fellers,
"he is yourn aecordirt' to law."
"Squire Rogers looked like he'd married
his last couple, poor old man, hadn't a
w6rd to say for himself. The boys and
young Darlings liked fh laugh themselves to
death, while old Mr. Darling, who was mad
as a hornet, was gwine to have Doolittle ar
rested for nigger gtciilin', right off.
Toor Doolittle! lie made out at last to
git loose from hi.: wife, anil to find the back
door. , lie hain't been heard of in J'incville
from that day to this.
A Lot of IlrtciptH.
A bit of glue dissolved in skim milk and
water will restore old crape.
Half a c.anbcrry bound on a corn w ill
soon kill it.
An inkstand was turned over a white ta-b'e-cloth;
a servant threw over it a mixture
of salt and popper, plentifully and all traces
of it disappeared.
Picture frames and glasses are preserved
from flies by painting them with a brush
t.ipped in a mixture niade by boiling three
01 tour onions in a pint of water.
Bedbugs are kept away by washing the
crevice with strong salt water put on with a
brtiidi. . . . ,
Soft-soap should be kept in a dry place in
the cellar, und not used until it is three
month old. '' . . ; :
To ecour knives take the ashes of coal,'
unmixed with any from wood; they are a
better article than bath brick for that pur
pose. ; --.
. To boil a ham it, should, be soaked from
twelve to twenty-four hours, according to its
age. Have it more than covered with cold
water, ard let it simmer two or three hours,
and then boil an hour and a half or two
hours, skim it carefully. When done, Uikc
it up and skin it neatly, dress it with cloves
and spots of pepper laid on accurately. You
may cut writing or tise paper in fringe,
and twist it around the shank bono if you
like. It should be cut past the ccutre,
nearest the hook in very thin, slices.
Take my Uaud, rapa.
In the dead of the night I am frequently
awakened by a little hand stealing out from
the crib by my side, with the pleading cry,
"Please take my hand, papa!"
Instantly the little boy's hand is grasped
his tears vanish, and, soothed by the con
sciousness of his father's presence, he falls
into a sleep again.
We commend this lesson of simple Elijtl
faith and trust to the anxious, sorrowing
ones that are found in almost every house
hold. ' -
Stretch forth your hand, stricken mourn
er although you may bo iu the deepest
darknetw and gloom, and tear and anxious
suspense may cloud your pathway, and that
very act will reveal the presence of a loving,
compassionate Pat her, and give you the
pence that passeth all understanding.
The darkness may not pass away at once,
night may enfold vou iu its cold embrace,
but its terrors will be dissipated, its gloom
and sadness flee away, and, in the simple
rusp of the Father's hand sweet peace will
be given; and you will rest securely,- know
ing that the "morning cometh." Cuitgrr
gutionulUt. '"""', Work.
Tin' best lesson a father can give his son is
this:, "Work ; strengthen your moral ui id
mcntul faculties, as you would strengthen
your muscles, by vigorous exercise. Lcitrn
to conquer circumstances ; you are then in
dependent of fortune. The men of athletic
minds, who left their .marks on tho years
which they lived, were all trained in a rough
school. , They did not mount.their high po
sition by the help tT leveago ; they leaped
into chasms, grappled with tho opposing
rocks, avoided avalanches, and, when the
goal was reached, left that but for tho toil
that had strengthened them as they strove,
it would never have been attained."
! A JCDfll in Indiana, is reported to hare
thus addressed a prisoner before hiin, prior
to passing sentence: "Prisoner at the bar,
Providence has given you a degree of health
and strength, instead of which yon go about
th country fiiesliog ducks. "
Tbe Two Rulm and How They
Worked.
"Here are two rules for you. Fred," said
Giles Warner, looking up from the paper he
whs reading ai.d addressing a younger broth
er, who was sitting by the tire, playing with
a Uvnrite dog.
' Well what are they?" said Fred, Bus
pending his sport with the dog.
"The first is 'never get vexed at anything
you can help. The second is, "never get
vexed at any thing you can't help.' "
"Cannot jhese rules lie as useful to yon as
to the?'1 asked Fred archly.
"No doubt of that," lcplicd Giles good
huuioredly, "but then it is so much easier to
hand over a piece of good ad dee to tiH-ther
than to keep it for one's own use. It is
kind of generosity that doesn't require
much self cleuiul.' Fred laughed.
"Rut what say you," continued Giles,
"to these rub? How would it work if we
shonid adopt thehi?"
"1 think they take a pretty wide and clean
sweep," said Frtiil; "ihey don't leave one
any chanoe at all to get vexed. "
"That might be an objection to them."
said Giles, "if any one wore wiser, better,
or happier for getting vexed. I think they
are seniblo rules. It is foolish to vex our
selves about, what can be helped, and it is
useless to vex ourselves ahout what can t be
helped. lA't us assist each other to remem
ber and obey these two simple rules. What
tay you?"
"I'll agree to it," said Fred, who was
usually ready to agree to anything his
brother proposed, if it was only proposed
good hiimoredly.
"That's too bad!" exclaimed Fred, tho
next morning, while making the prcpata
tion for school.
"What's the matter?" inquired Giles.
"I have bioken.my thee-Mring, it is
vexatious; I am in such a hurry."
"It is vexatious, no-doubt'," rep'ied Giles,
"but you, must not get vexed; for this is
one of the things that can be helped, l'ou
can find a string in the left corner of the up
per drawer in mother's room."
"But we shall be late at school," said
Fred.
"No, we shan't," said Giles. "Wo shall
only have to walk a little faster. Besides
if you - keep cool, you will find tho string
f.ud put it in much sooner than you can if
you become vexed ami worried."
' That's true," said Fred as be started
for the string, quite restored to good hu
mor. Several opportunities occurred during f h )
day for putting into practice the newly
adopted rules. The last was this:
In tho evening Giles broke the blade of
bis knife, while cutting a hard piece of
wood.
"It can't be helped," said Fred, "so you
must not get vexed about it."
"It might, have been helped," said Giles,
"but lean do better than to fre about it.
I can learn a leson of care for the future
which may some day save a knife more valu
able than this. These rules work well.
Let's try them to-morrow."
The in xt morning Fred devoted an hour
before school to writing a composition. Af
ter he had written half a doz.m lines his
mother '-ailed hici off to do something for
her. During his absence, his sister Lucy
nifidfi u.-R of his pen and ink to write her
name in her school-hook. In doing thK
she carelessly let full a drop of ink on the
page of his writing. Fred returned while
she was busily employed in doing what she
could to repair the mischief.
. "Vou have made a great blot upon my
composition," he exclaimed, locking over
her shoulder.
"I am sorry.' 1 did not mean to do it,"
said Lucy.
Fred was so much vexed, that ho would
have answered his sister very roughly, if
Giles had not interposed.
' Take care, Fred; you know the thing
is done, mid can't be helped."
Fred tried hard to suppress his vexa
tion. "I know it. was an accident," he said
pleasantly, after a brief struggle with him
self. , .,'.
Lucy left the room and Fred sat down
again to his composition. After a moment
he looked tin. No great harm has been
done after all," hn said. "Two or three al
terations arc much needed, and if I write it
over again, 1 can make them."
"So much for :i cool head, and not getting
vexed," said Giles, laughing. "Our rules
work well." ' . . .
At night Fred tore his coat while climb
ing over a fence.
"That's too bad," Kaid he.
"It can't be helped," said Giles, it can be
mended."''
' "The way to help it is what troubles me,"
said Fred. "I don't want to ask mother;
she has so much to do."
Giles proposed that Fred should get over
this difficulty by asking l.ucy to do it for
him, as her mother had learned her to mend
very Dually v Fred was .it first not disposed
to adopt this measure. 11c knew that Lucy
disliked mending very much, and he was
afraid she would be cross if asked to do it;
but he, at last decided to run the risk of that.
They found Lucy busily employed with a
piece of embroidery, and quite absorbed
wilh her work. Fred looked significantly
at Giles when he saw how his sister was
occupied; but he concluded he had gone
too tar to retreat, and must make a bold
push.
"1 wish to ask a great favor of you, Lu
cy," said Fred; "but I fear I havu conic tit
a wrong time."
"What do you want?" said Lucy.
"I'm almost afraid to tell you. It's too
bad to ask you to leave that bewitching work
to do what you dislike."
"Vou arc 11 great while getting to what is
wanted." said Lucy, laughing. "Come, out
with it."
Fred, thus encouraged, held up his arm
and displaved the rent.
"Well, take it off, and I will do my best,"
said Lucy, cheerfully.
" Vou are a dear, good sister," said Fred.
"Whfn I faw what you were about, I tho't
that you would not be willing to do it."
"My uncommon amiability quite puzzles
you, does it?' '. paid Lucy laughing. To tell
the truth, I have been thinking all the day
what 1 could do for you in return for your
not getting vexed with mc for blotting your
composition. So now you have the cause
of my willingness."
"So much for our rules," exclaimed
Giles triumphantly. "They work to a
charm.",
"What ru!-;s?" inquired Lucy.
"Wo must tell Lucyall about it,'! said
Giles.
They did tell her all about it, and the re
sult was that she agreed to join them in try
ing tho rules.-; Child's Pupa:
Sensible jllaxlum.
Never smile at tho expense of your relig
ion or bible. , . .
A good word is as soon spoken as a bad
one. ' ' , ' ' ' "
That groat is ill saved that shames its
master. . ! .
Peat with heaven is th best friendship.
coxiximt.Ms.
Why do pioneers go before the army? To
air the way.
Why is Asia like a negro's mouth? Be
cause It abounds in jjmii and irnry.
Whv docs a fat dog not meditate? Be
cause he is not a thin cur. .
Why was Hamlet so courageous in ad
dressing his father's ht? Because he
was not particular to a shle.
Why is a tight shoe lik a fine summer?
Because it makes the corn prow.
When is an undertaker like one of his own
jobs? Reeause he's a cnughin.'
Why are books like theJbet friends? Be
cause when they bore you, you Kin alway
shut them np without offense!
Why is a spider a good correspondent?
Because he drops a line by every post.
Why is a bridal journey like a tea-voyage?
Because it is a Aoiry-lihie excur
sion.
Whv is a hive like a spectator at a show?
Because it is a lice-holder 4 beholder.)
Why is tho lotter s likely to prove dan
gerous iu arguments? Because it turns
icnril into ,coriis. " '
Whv is a badly-condncfcd hotel like a fid
dle? Because it's a vile inn.
Why is a young lady like a hinge? Be
cause she is something to adore.
Why is sea -sick passenger on his way to
England, like Whittier? Because he is a
"Contributor to the Atlantic."
Why is a pig the most extraordinary ani
mil in creation? Because you first kill and
then chc" him.-
What two letters of tho alphabet arc most
like the cranium of a drone? B Z.
Why is a gun like a newspaper? Btcanse
it makes reports.
Why is the letter t like a newspaper? Be
cause it's in the midst of wnter. '
. Why are women who eschew matrimony
like railroad trains? Because their failure
to connect occasions many disappoint
ments. Why is a married man like a candle? Be
cause he goes out at night when he ought
not to.
Why is the first chicken like a foremast?
Becau.-c he is just before the main hatch.
What two letters of the alphabet are best
to drink? BRorAL.
Why is a blush like a little girl? Because
it become a woman.
. Why may the exercise of skating serve as
nn excellent introduction to society? Because
when once the ice is brokvn, you may often
drop in.
W hat two letters of the alphabet have
least in them? 51 T,
Why is a clergyman like it locomotive?
Because you are to look out for him when
the hil lings. '
Why is one of Dickens' works like a cork
screw?" Because it is Oliver Twist. ( All-over-twbt.)
What two lot tors of the Alphabet are most
like a peacock? PN.
Why was Sherman's great raid through
Georgia like the Lilly ot the Valley? Be
cause Solomon in all his glory was not a raid
like one of these. : ,!
W hy isn't a joint ptock ouipnny like a
watch? Because it docs not go on afters it's
wound up. T
What two letters of the alphabet are an
ornithological ad,iectivc?ft K. -- - -
. Why-is a tobacconist 11 very worthless
tradesman? Because he puffs his own com
modities. Why is a bridegroom worth more (ban a
bride? Because she is given away and he
is sold.
What two letters of the alphabet shall
become a necessary adjective? S N sh-ll.
Why arc suicides the most successful peo
ple in the world? Because they always ac
comulish their own end.
Why was Sampson the greatest actor that
ever appeared on the slacc? Because he
lirmiylit dtrwn the hnvte when the audience
was composed entirely of his enemies.
What are the two most, intemperate let
ters in the alphabet? X S.
Why is an ironmonger the most likely
peson to make tbe alphabet quarrel? Re
cause he makes A poke 11 (a poker) and
shove L (shovel. ) ;
Why does the new moon remind yoil of a
giddy girl? Recaue she's too young to
show much reflection. .
What are the two most sinful letters in
the alphabet? N V.
V Why is the eye like a schoolmaster in the
1 nf i,4 tlntttriiif It..,,,, it n niir.lt nn.
dor the lash.
What is that which has got feet and
nails but no legs, toes or claws? A yard
measure.
At what season were Adam and Eve most
unhappy in Eden? In the Fall.
What letter in the alphabet compels man
to laugh? The letter S it makes nigger
sn'trger.
What two letters of the alphabet resem-"
ble an affectionate remembrance? A I. , '
Who is the Quartermaster? Ihe man
who gives the poor soldier one quarter, and
keens tho rest himself.
What two letters of the nlpl abet you
don't want your teeth to he like? D K.
What is the difference between persever
ence and obstinacy? One is a strong will
and the other is a stronger won't. i
What two letters of the alphabet are not
cheap? DR.
What word of five syllables is that, which.'
if you takeaway the first, no syllabic remains
Monosyhible no syllable.
Let Tlivni Beware.
Republicans who arc making such a great
udo about Andy Johnson's drunkenness on
tbe 4th inst., should remember tho fate of
11am, for proclaiming the shame and na
kedness of his father when overtaken iu a
similar fault. It were well if an anathema.
sUch as was pronounced against Ham and
his dceendents, does not overtake them and
theirs. Canaan. Hani's son, was sentenced
to the doom of becoming a servant of ser
vants. And the Republicans who are hold
ing the man of their choice up to the scorn
and ridicule of the world, are in a fair way
to become, if they are not now, as veritable
servants or slaves (to their masters, the ev
erlasting tax-gatherers,) as their prototype
and his offspring wcro and arcto change
whose condition, contrary to the sentence
pronounced against them by Noah. Andy
Johnson was placed" in a position to do what
he hus done. Let them "draw it light."
A young lady from the eeuntry being in
vited to a party, was told by her city cousin
to fix up and put her best foot formost, in
order to catch a beau, "she looked so green
in her country attire." Tho country lass
looked comically into tho face of her rather
faded relative, and replied. "Better green
than witheifcdi
A LONQ-RAm,F.D creditor publishes the
subjoined advertisement: "Wanted, a thin
man, who is used to tho business of collect
ing, to crawl through key-holes ami find
debtors who are "never at home."
Wn.vristhe difference between a town
and its people? It is laid out at the begin
ning of its exigence, and they at the end
of theirs.
Labor lo Injure.
What you do, perform well, and labor to
improve. Are you an artist? Keep iu
view the high natuie of your calling; emu
late the example of Raphael and Davinci.
Are you a lawyer? Best ro satisfied with
being a mere petifogger, a collector of bill,
a pleader in the lower courts; str..!y, that
you may take a higher lank. Arc yon a
minister? Preach well and study your sub
ject. Don't be a lazy, drawling pastor of a
meager church ; elevate your people; and
put energy into them by jvmr discourses ;
there is no reason w'.iy yon should not be a
Baxter or a Buny.-m. a Pyoii or a Beechcr.
Are you a mechanic? Let an Ark-wright
ud a Watt stimulate you ; never suffer 1111
aaic!o to go from your shop that won't Urar
a scrutiny that you would not be willing to
tamp the mnkcr's name upon. Are you a
merchant? Be attentive to your business;
understand ierfi ctiy what yon lire about ;
leave not y..ur office too liim h in the ban Is
of clerks ; Mificr not your accounts to go to
loose ends. Let a Gtvgor, a Parker, a Da
na, or a Brown be your pattern. Are you a
lahoier? A fisherman or aclani digger?
Be faithful to your business and do every
thing well : it is the only way to succeed.
Aim high, go beyond others if you can.
but study and labor so that no one outsteps
vou in your profession or business. Never
be idle, never lose a moment by sloth and
a lazy spirit ; "up an! on" should lie your
motto by day aud by night year iu and,
year out.
Opinions oil educations or Iaw.
We have it, on excellent authority, that if
A owes B money, and A is the owner of tin
elephant. B, maj detain the elephant's
trunk till the debt is paid ; and it is tolera
ble clear in all the books, that a boa con-,
stricter lying dormant, as if dead, in a box,
is recoverable ly an action on 'he case.
But if the plantiff mixes hii'.e.f up with
the boa constrictor so as to identity himself
with it, he, the plantiff will not be recovera
ble at all. If the lioa constrictor, too.
should unfold his tail early enough, the
plantiff mav have a sevoreunee ; but other
wise, says lr. Justice, he must be inevita
bly squashed. I heard, the other day, a
story ahout a young and handsome Quaker
ess, who went sleigh-riding with two of her
beaux. She had a very hu ge muff, and one
of the young.nicn put his hand in and grasp
ed his companion's thinking it was the
young girl's and kept squeezing it. The
young Quakeress after a while said :
"Young Gentlemen, when you get tired of
squeezing each other's hands, you will per
mit me to warm my own,"
I heard a good story about Edward Ever
ett, (who shall no more charm us with his
eloquence, and the vacancy which he has
left will not so soon bo tilled.) He and
Judge Story arose and said "Fame follows
where ever it ( Everett go 's." Everett re
plied: "Here's to the legal profession.
It has never got above tho first story."
(Story.)
lffHcTllCgbUl llOl UClCMht J.KKUS.
"I will not believe anj thing but what I
understand," said a self-confident young
umn in 11 hotel one day.
"Nor will I," saiU unotlicr.
Neither Will 1," chimed in a third. ' '
"Gentlemen,1' said one well known to mc
who was on a journey, and who sat close by,
"do I understand you correctly, that you
will not believe anything that you don't un
dersold ?" 1 ' -
"1 will not," said one, and so said each
one of the trio.
"Well," said the stranger, "in my ride
this morning I saw some geese in a field
ca'ing grass ; do you believe that?"
"Certainly," said the three uub.dei-ers.
"I also s::iv pigs eating grass : do you be
lieve that?
"Of course,'' said the three.
"And I also saw. sheep and cows eat grass;
do you believe that?"
"Of course," it was again replied. ,
"Weil, but grass which they bad former
ly eaten had, by digestion, turned to tenth
crs on the hacks of the geese, to bristle ori
the backs of swine, to wool on the sluep,
and on tho cows it bad tui nod to hair ; do
you believe that, gentlemen?'.'
"Certainly," they replied.
"Yes, you believe it," he rejoined, "Lut
do you understand it?"
They were confounded, and silent, and
evidently ashamed, as they well might be.
The Punctual JMan.
Mr. Higgins was a very punctual man in
all his transactions thiouf.h life. Iln amass
ed a large fortune by untiring industry and
punctuality ; and ut tfu advance age of
ninety years was resting quictiy on his bed,
and calmly waiting to he called away. He
had deliberately made almost every arrange
ment for his decease and burial.
His pulse grew fainter, and the light of
life socincd just flickering in its sockets when
one of his sons observed
"Father, you will probably live but a day
or two ; is it not well for you to name your
bearers?" . t :
"To be sure, my son," said the dying
imin, "it is wcli thought of, and I will do it
now." ; .
He gave tho names of six; the usual num
ber, aud sunk buck exhausted upon his pil
low. A g'oam of thought passed over his with
ered features like 11 ray of light, and he ral
lied once more. "M v son, read 11. e the list.
Is; the name of Mr. Wiggins there?"
"It is father."
"Then strike it off!" said he, emphati
cally, "for he was never punctual was nev
er anywhere in season, and ho might hin
der the proccsjion a wholo hour."
What a Toad did lor a Soldier,
A friend connected with the United States
Sanitary Commission, relates for the Amer
ican Agriculturist, tho following:
A number of wounded from, the battle of
Petersburg were lying in a hospital tent, a
niongwhom was a negro whose leg had been
taken off. He was on a mattress on the
ground, and, the weather being hot, tho
dressed stump of his leg was ex posed, and a
swarm of flies was sitting upon it. Present
ly a large toad hopped into tho tent, jind,
taking iiis station near the edge of the bedj
began to gobble up the blue bottles in dou
ble quick. The moment one alighted with
in six inches of the spot ho would square
himself for th3 attack, his eye twinkling
with excitement, and then, with a flash of
his tongue and a smack of his mouth, the
unlucky insect would disappear.
Tho boy was asleep when this commenc
ed, but soon awoke, and was ut first fright
ened at tbe "ugly toad' so near him ; but our
friend bade hi in be quiet, and pointed out
the service tho creature was rendering him,
when the negro and all present voted hiin a
member of the Commission, with many
thanks, and his kindred were tit ouce in high
favor.
, Ttit late case of absence of mind Is that
0 a ship carpenter, "who bit off the end of a
spike and drove a plug of tobacco into tin
Vswl's bottom: .
A Strew? Supposition. )
Sonv years since, ju.-t nfter the Maine j
Liquor Iiw had liecu introduced into jiu,-
sacliusetts, a cae of seliin? honor was :
! brought before th Boston Police Cf'iirt,
j and the District A:trney spjieared to p:t.--ecute
the matter. He called an uiidoul.ti d 1
"customer to the stand, a man who would ;
know a rum jog "at si.t;ht,' un l fcirh him j
held the following colloquy: j
"Mr. Sargent, were you ever in Ucnjamin
Kimball's bar-room?''
"Yej, sir," answered the witness.
"Did you see anything containing liquor
there?"
"N-tasTlnowof."
"Did you see any decanters or tumblers
there?"
"No, sir."
"Did you see any barrels or kegs there?"
"Ye, I aw some kegs there."
"All, ves," extiltingly urged the lawyer
"you did, t'len saw mjiim kegs? Now, sir.
tell the jury what there was in those kegs.'.'
"I de'n't know; I didn't look in."
"Yes. sir. but were there no marks upon
the outside? no tio':et., or writing of some
kind?"
"Yrc.i, well, there, was; I remember it
neoiv; 1 veou, I should have forgot it if you
hadn't put me in mind."
O. yes. you do remember; just state, then,
sir, before you forget, what tberc was writ
ten nr nainted.
"Jt was different on all of 'cm none of
'cm bail it alike.
"Well, sir, tell us what it said on the
first one yon saw."
"Well, I mostly forgot neow, but I be
lieve it said gin on the first 'un."
"Gin! Then, sir, I guess we can find ont
what there was in those kegs, if you didn't
look in. Now, sir, tell us what it suid on
the next otic."
"Wi ll. On the next it. said Ben Kimball
Lut 1 dUh' t suppose thnt JJ:n KimUdl uvs
ut the ki-g."
Verdict for the defendant, and the court
adjourned.
What Hope Did.
It stole on its pinions to tho bed of dis
ease; tho sufferers' frown hecutna a smile
the emblem of peace and love.
It went to tho house of mourning, ami
from tbe lips of sorrow there Clinic sweet
i.n 1 1 h 'i r 'nl songs.-
It laid if. head upon the arm of the poor,
which stretched forth at the.bend of unholy
impulses, and saved him from disgrace and
ruin.
It dwells like a living thing in tho bosom
of the mother, who-e son tarried long uft.-r
the promised time of hi coming, and saved
her trom desolation and the "care that kill
clh." "
It hovered about the head of the youth
who had become the lshmaclof society and
led him on to works which even his enemies
praised.
It snatched a maiden from the jaws of
death, and went with an old man to heaven.
-No hope my good brother. Have it
keep it always with you. Wrestle with it,
that it may not depart. It may repay your
pains. Life is hard enough at best, but
hope will lead you over the mountains, and
sustain you amid its billows. Part with all
betlUeh Ut Um) tly hope. ..'.;..
. Hints for IIu) ing a Horse.
Few person arc acquainted with the mode
of judging a horse by the teeth.- As the
lesson can be learned by note in H very few
moments, intending pu ch ijers will do well
to commit it to memory. At two years old
the horse sheds the two middle teeth
of the under jaw; at three years old he
sheds two other teeth one on each side of
tho. e slud the year before; ut four years
old he sheds the remaining or corner teeth;
at five years old the middle teeth are full,
being no longer hollow, as the others arc and
(be teeth wiil have penetrated the gums, at
six years old the four middle teeth full; the
tusks larger and thicker and ihe horsi is said
to be age I. Ojeubmally, however, those
marks wiil slightly vary, a good deal, de
pending on the animals constitution wheth
er he be a late oreariy foal; also upon the
manner in which the animal has been reared,
tho kind of food, shelter, &c,
Lecture olt India.
On Monday night Rev, Thoburn deliver
ed a lecture, !n tbe M. E. Church, on "In
dia the Manner and Customs of the Peo
ple." Quite a i.umber of persons were
prerent. Toohcturc; of its kind, was tol
erably good the only faults, perhaps being
in its length, and dca.ing tn much with the
niiiiutitc. Tho lecturer enunciated one
strange proposition "That if lib could suc
ceed in making the children understand him
ho could generudy succeed in making,
older persons under, tatid." Li.;o al
preachers, Mr. Thoburn has one tailing,,
which we discovered iu his description of
cooking in IiTdia, viz.: a weakness for half
grown chickens and gravy. He is accom
panied by a bright, intelligent, looking
youth from Indn. The young man was
the -observe J of all observer?.--- New Lisbon
Patriot - mi - '
' Mrs. ' Partington. And so, Isaac,
you've been to see 'Liteoln and Hamlin's
Cabinet Organ? They say it has an Aro
matic sincli that's riot like anybody else's,
and is even better' n the night blowing seri
ous. I hope you didn't hear tho one that
has the penal base. It's strange good peo
ple can patronize these baser sort u' things.
And you heard the sympathy of A. Miner,
did you?. For my part I should raley like to
hear that."' Ho was our next door neighbor
and my Paul used to say that Adolphus Mi
ner hadn't a morsel of sympathy for anybody,-
and people gonorally didn't think he
had"; but la, me! times change,, and now it
seems he's got some, and had it set iuto
music.
Change In Fashion.
The present fashions of dress are likely
to suffer a radical change. At Paris, it is
sujd that for evening toilet crinolines are
discarded, the skirts are narrow, almost
tight; the waists very short, cut in the
shape of a heart in front, and stippdrted hy
broad waistbands, with fancy clasp The
materials worn are dotted with gold stars or
bees; the hair much raised behind, artisti
cally disposed in a mass of tiny ringlets Up
on the forehead, aad encircled by a diadem
of massive gold or precious stones.' Rich
necklaces . extremely long car rings, and
gloves coming far over the wrists. Another
contemplated' change is white muslin for
et-cning parties. ' . - ,
If one of the courts of Hartford, a wo
man was testifying in behalf of her son,
and swore he hud worked on a farm ever
since he was born. ;
The lawyer, who cross-examine! her;
raid:
"You assert that your son has worked on
a farm ever since he was born?"i-S- '
'1 do." - -
"What did ho do tho first year?"
"He milked,'.' she replied. -.
Tho whole court laughed heartily, and no
more questions were asked,
Ancient Copperhead.
In tit .vj ot anoieuis, Mooes ran-ed a top
pcrlipnd KiTZcn serpent in the wilderness,,
as ivpicsl ofsiifi tv to life.' that all who look
ed uii.n it io faith mi,'ht I.t ,
"And the Lord s:J unto Mixes typical
of the Democrats. makctluea firey sifpent,
und set it upon a pole, abti it sha'tcometo
pttath.it t'vuiy one that is bitten (typical o
being bitten by false pledges and srn'iy sind
lers. ) when he Wkcb r.pon it shall live.
' And VIosDsuudcH serpent of bram (cop'
perhead) and put it upon a pole, and it came
to pass that it a serpent (any contractor) had
bitten any limn, wheu he beheld the ser
pent of bs (copperhesd)bc lied."
bersxxl. 8, 9.
Thus it will be seen that they had copper
heads at a very remote period, and that
they were the only aafetv to the people who
had been poi-oned. Just so now the people
have been hittm badly bitten by the thou-,
sand swindling serpents Who are for war 60
lonar as if pays, and now, as in the days of
good old M'scs, their only safe'y is Tit look-'
ing to the Democratic copperheads.- ; : -
bi niocmts are eail'-d copperheads beeauso.
they won't follow tho leaaof the abolition
ists. Paul, then, was a first-class copper
head, and if on earth to day, Mid be should,
do in Ixiuisville what he did iri Rome. Onc
simus, a ninawoy slave belonging to Phile
mon, and instead of advising him to take
the underground railroad to CanoJa, he con
verted him to Chrixtinnity, and then sent
him hack to his master, 'o scive hi:u "both
in flesh and in the Lord," Jlenry W ard
Beecher and his ilk would call St.' Paul a'
copperhead of the rankest kind. " 1
G'wl has chosen the brazen serpent (and
110 limieit- serpent can bmade without cop
per therefore copperbecdj as a means ot
sifety from poisonous things 14ol yewbe-,
fore the Christian era. and the emy safety
for the people is, in in the days of old, to
look to the coj pevheads for safety from tho
poisonous corruptions that now afflict tho
people. Jewish KreorJ.
' m m gill.
Wilted rot SUc cp.
There arc some farmers. ays she Grnetste4
Farmer, who enteriain tho opinion that
sheep do not need water iu winter. Others
think if the sheep need any wattfr, tley sat
isfy their thirst by eating si.or! That
sheep need water there can be no doubt,
In Mr. Iniwe's recent experiment-! the sheep
were allowed all the water they wanted, and
those fed on hay alone, drank, from Feoma
ry L'lid to March 224, on--an average,
pound of water per brad per week;. , Thq
next month they drank 40 pounds sach per
week; the next month 45 pounds; the next
month 39 pounds; nnd during the whole pe
riod of seven months, each sheep drank,- ori
an average, 40 pounds per wceki -.t -.
"A workman named Rives," wo copy
from the Cincinnati Gazette, "emp'oyed
about. t'"i Treasury Department, found the'
other day a package, of $170,000, which had
been dropped or mislaid. He prnmptlv
make known his discovety, and it. is '.grati
fying to learn that be was so hiindsowply'
rewarded." It would be gratifying to.karni
what sort of management they have'atthei.
Treasury Department, 1 where packages of
$170,000 lie around loo.;e and arc'pieked-np
by lahoiing men, ; It was well; undoubtedly,,,
that it fell-into the hands of o'ne of trial class:
Had some of our hih politicians stumbled
upon it, the Lord knows what would live
been its fate.6V. JSuq. .
Holy rail-lots.
Tli ui low Weed, in speaking -of ' Govern'-'
ment robbers aud swindlers; in Net York, ,
says: -
"The peculiarity iri bur case is. that, the
most unscrupulous faptiaious officials aro,
those who affect the highest; sense of duty'
and pntriotis'ii the 'holier-than-thou mcnl
he very censors of official integrity."
This description of men in not confined ta
the City of 'New. York, but-holds, good
throughout the loyal Staei. ...Whenever
you find a man who, spouts 5xtra loyalty,
yon may' put him down as either having
robbed flic Government, or that he 'will do
U the first opportunity that presents itself;
' Impudent fjacstious.
To ask an unmarried lady how old she i&
To a k a lawyer if he ever told a lie; .
To a:k a doctor how many persons bo has
killed. -
To ask a nilmsterwhethor he ever did any
thing very wrong. . ' .-.,,,; :.
To ask a merchant whether he ever had
ch atcd li customer; ' (' -:
To a k an editor the name of any of his
cotvCspotldchts;
To ask a subscriber if he has paid th
printer.
, To ask n printer if he has got more than
one shirt. Alrta Beacon. :
. , I2ore Wisdom. , ,
Anything a horse ciih touch with his nose
without be,ing Imrti'.ed, lie docs riot fear.
Therefore, tho hand, the halicr, saddle, har
ness, uuiLrclhis, buffalo robes, or whatever
is brought in proximity to him shdnld be in
troduced to and touched by that delicate or
gan, A knowledge of 'such important facts
as we Jbarlitid by attending a course of . bis
lectures, is the main secret of Rary's " siie
cess in hdrsc-taiuiing. '.'
. TllE Washington lirpui.licnn says: -
"Senators Fuotc, Mo ill, Wade, Wilsoril
Grimes, Hoilun and lUmsey, accompanied
by their wives, lire soon to make nn excur
f ion to Charleston, in a steamer belonging
to the .Government transport service. V. . ,
W'hat a nice time they will have, all ii
the expense of the Government! '-";-i v
"Well, George," asked a friend of a
young lawyer, who had been admitted about
a year, "how, dd.ydu likfc yOiir hew profes
sion?" The reply was acco'iiipsnied by a
brief sigh to suit the occasion "My prolca
slon is much better than toy practice. ' , ; ;
A story that John B. Gouglt bis 'enga
ged Andy Johnson to travel with him as
"living example" of the effects of drunken
ness, in illustration of the distinguished or
ator's temperance lectures, is without louu'
dation. " ' , , ' ' , ',"
A man limn ivhn had brutally assaulted his
wife, Was lately brought beforo Justice Cole,
of Albany; and had a great deal to say
about getting justice'.' "Justice?" replied
Cole "you can't get it here. This cotirti has
no power to hangoo." ' i ; '
Tub report that. Andy Johnson passed
through Roinb. n county, Kentucky, 'on his
wa.v to Washington, is denied ; but it is ad
mitted that a great deal of Bourbon county
passed thibugb hiu), ; -,.(, .-;-.( .
IIOKSEMAjAitt?. "nave you' ever bro
ken a horse?" inquiiedahorse-jocky. "No,"
replied Siuiriions, "but I have broken three
Or fottr wagons.'.' ,- , ,.::tK j ,
Whv is an owl like the American beople?
Because it keeps a bljukin. ( Expkttitoiy:
This ti reference tewfiTiidou)
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