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EO..W. MEHAFFEY, Proprietor and Publisher. 'PRINCIPLES, NOT MEN," Two Dollars per Annum In Advano ... . , ... ., ,f, yOL. V.-NO. 11. EATON, OHIO, THURSDAY, APRIL 21, 1870. WHOLE NO. 219. POETRY. HER CHIGNON ON MY SHOULDER. On dark and dreary winter day. When snow-drifts fait were melting:, And 'gainst the window's dewy pano The rainy flakes were pelting. Beneath the bright gas' venial blaze, as outer blasts grew colder, I was seated by say Maggie's side. With her chignon on my shoaldei I heeded not the storm without Within the sun was ahinlng ; The clouds or Ufa were lifted, then I saw the silver lining : And as off darling sweetly smiled. My throbbing "heart grew bolder ; I dreamed, as I had never dreamed. With her chignon on my shoulder. I dreamed of riches and of fame Acquired by honest labor : A name to live when I am gone. And wealth to help my neighbor ; I dreamed, too, of a happy home, Where growlnc old and older. Her little hand clasped dose in mine. Her chignon on my shoulder. -h 'The tide-of years will bear us on; Our paths are undi verging ; No frosts of time can blast the bud. Nor freeze the love that's sieging ; . And not until each heart-throb cease. And dust to dust shall molder, Shall I forget the blissful time Her chignon pressed my shoulder. Philadelphia Dispatch. MISCELLANEOUS. THROUGH THE BARS OF A CELL. Coubtbous Readbb: I am the inmate of a State Prison. Do not be astonished, my friend, at being addressed by such a being. I can assure you I am a special convict, and, perhaps, some of these days wnen l am tree, you may encounter my rentable self in the bosom of your social circle. If your- curiosity is awakened, I wUl breathe to you through the gratings of my cell my eventful history. It is a strange one, respected friend. Indeed I make bold to say that a stranger one was never breamed into your ear. I had an only brother. We had been brought up in a distant village, in the State of Pennsylvania. Our father died when my younger brother was born, leaving my mother very poor. She brought us up bravely, however. I being the eldest, was sent off at an early age to fight the battle of lite, ana, while Helping myseu, tooo some thing toward helping others. With this noble purpose in my mind I made rapid progress, and finally had the hardihood to set off" to New York, rightly imagmlng that there were the greatest prizes for an ambitious-youth. Full of the most ardent affection for my mother, I tried to made everything turn to my own advance ment. I felt aa though every act or my life had an effect upon their fortunes. This feeling so inspired me that self-denial was not only easy, but delightful. Feeling as I did, that all my savings bene filed them so greatly, how could I do otherwise than save f I was extremely fortunate in New York. My last employers in thcormtry gave . me letters to one of the chief merchants . in that city. He received me kindly. Finding out my Industrious and saving habits, he speedily promoted, me. - Year by year he added to my salary. At length, after years of labor, I found myself, at the age of twenty-five, the confidential clerk of my employer, with a large salary, and the control of millions. Some years before I had. conceived the idea of giving my brother a good educa tion. My brother wa to me more like a son than anything else. His nature was . widely different from minq. I was bold, resolute and daring; he was gentle, poeti cal, and full of sentiment. I was stern, practical and independent ; he was quiet, reliant and meditative. I was formed for a life of warfare and action ; he for a life of study and meditation. He went to college. His progress was remarkable ; he was at the head in every thing ; he graduated with the highest hon ors. I saw him at the. final exhibition when he obtained his degree. I admired and applauded more than any one else my young brother. In truth, as he stood there with his fragile form, his paWlace, his eye beaming with the light of genius, he was worthy of all the admiration I had , to bestow. I have his portrait now with me. It resembles the poet Shelley more than any face that I have ever seen. My brother went home, and, as I sup posed, studied for his profession. I cor responded always with my mother. My brother waa always irregular in letter writing, and I never thought much of not hearing from him. I soon became troubled, however, at learning that he was nnwwL I recommended a trip across the ocean and a tour through Europe, and offered to pay his expenses. After this offer I waited anxiously to learn the ef- feet. I did not hear from home for near ly a month. I grew very anxious, and thought seriously of paying them a visit. Since my departure, fifteen years before, I had never been home, and had only met my relatives on their visits to re at New York. One day on going to the office I found a telegraphic dispatch. The words of that dispatch have burned themselves into my memory : " Your brother is dying 1 Come home !" It was a stranger's name. Great God ! my brbther dying ! A stranger, too, tele graphing te mo ! What meant all this ? Was my mother also dying? I never closed my eves for three days and three nights, nor did I eat a mouthful until I came in sight of my native town in Pennsylvania. I waited for two hours trying to overcome my agitation created by fasting and want of sleep. Ordinarily nothing ruffled me ; but now I was as weak as a child. I walked np the main street. I came within sight of the old familiar cottage. The bands were ail down. Great Heaven! I was not prepared for such-a blow. I dreaded the worst. The worst had come. A stranger opened the door a stranger staved at me. I recognized much ot the old furniture with which my mother would not part. I saw my brother's portrait hanging in the hall. "Are they in?" I gasped out, not know ing what I said. No one recognized me. I did not wish to be recognized. Fearful of being an ob ject of vulgar pity, I had determined to act as a strangar. So, with all the calm ness that I could muster, I asked after my mother by name. Then the blow fell. The woman at the door spoke solemnly : "She's dead, Sir," " Hadn't she a son?" I asked, with a frightful attempt at indifference. Ves, Sir his death broke' her down. She died next rlay." ' Unfortunate people ! " " Ah yes, Sir. There's never been a death, ill Vjie village so unfortunate Es pecially poor Henry, Sir. He was a great favorite." " I used to know a brother ol his in New York. Does he know about this ?" "Ah, Sir, I don't know. It'll be a sad blow for him." " How did it happen ?" " Won't you walk in, sir and 111 teU you." " No, thank you. It's so close. I'm hot; m sit here." I sank into a seat by the cottage door. The woman told me all. Her story was simply this : When Henry came home from college he was the pride and boast of the village. People sought his acquaintance who be fore had overlooked him, and his learning and genius won the regards and admira tion of all. Among the young ladies of the place there was one from Philadelphia who appeared to be greatly struck by my brother. She belonged to one of the first families in that city, and was exceedingly beautiful. Her beauty, however, was only in appearance. Strange to say, with the utmost loveliness of form and features, she combined a hardness of heart and. a sel fishness of nature frightful to contem plate She only nought my brother for the sake Jof making a conquest - of the talented young villager. As to love or marriage, she would have laughed at the idea. Her-aspirations werej far higher than that. By the utmost artfulness, and by the exceeding charm which she was capable of displaying, she completely over come my brother. With all the intoxica tion of genius he surrendered himself to her power. With him to love was to give up his soul, his life, his all. It was no light or transitory matter. It was the most serious thing on earth. As to her, "he never doubted her sincerity. At last he woke from his dream, and only awaked to die. He spoke to her once about his feelings. She treated him cruelly. When sure of his affections she began to try to torture him with Jealousy. On his remoDstrating.she turned him away forever with a withering sneer. He was stunned at first, but afterward thought it a mistake. He sought her out again, and implored her to tell him truly. This time her calm contempt was unmistakable ; he saw her as she was. Had he possessed my strong nature he would have survived this shock. The woman does not live who could kill me by a disappoint ment. But my brother was a gentle soul. When his heart broke, he died. And so he yielded to this blow. All can be told in a few words. My mother, horrified, startled, overwhelmed, by this meet unlooked-for calamity, and gentle in nature like my brother, sank ka him under the sudden stroke. "And now," concluded the woman, "they both lie buried beside her hus band." All the time she spoke I did not utter a word. As she ceased I rose slowly, murmured " Thank vou." and staff srerfld awav. In stinctively I wandered to the burying ground. Iknew well where they lay. I soon stood before their newly-made grave two twin mounds containing all that I cared-for on earth the treasured objects of a lifetime's labor the ones for whose. happiness 1 had been a slave ! Ana tney had come to this I ' I spent the night there. I brooded over plans of vengeance. If they were crushed by a blow, I rose under mine and heard their cry for vengeance coming even from the tomb. I had that woman's name. - She had, under the outward, beauty of her fiendish soul, killed my mother and brother. She should suffer ! But how ? This was the meditation of the night. I took long strides up and down aa I paced beside the craves, and before the dawn I had decided. My scheme was one of grandeur. You seldom hear of such schemes. People generally find it difficult to take revenge because they are too anxious to take care of themselves. Now, I cared nothing for myself. My sole desire was for vengeance. For that desire I was ready to sacrifice every thing. I started for New York immediately, and arrived there as soon as possible. The head of our house was living at that time up the Hudson. He left every thing to me. My measures were all taken. I wrote to him informing him that I was going to Europe to see about some British funds that were endangered. I drew on England for those funds to the amount of two million dollars, and then left the office.. But I did not go to England. I calmly returned to my own lodgings, where 1 wrote some letters, These were letters of introduction to the chief people in the United States from the leading aris tocracy of Great Britain. With these I knew I could hare the entree of any so ciety. I start id for Philadelphia, and put np at the first hotel in the place. I lav ished my money with a liberal hand, or dered the serrants peremptorily, and acted like an eccentric nobleman. On the books of the hotel I wrote the name, " Henry Lord Arlington." On my card there was the same name, and over it a neatly-engraved crest This nobleman I . was personally acquainted with. He ".had large dealings with our house, and all his circumstances were well known to me. On the following day I saw the following in the principal paper : " DisTixauiSHXD Strabjohb. Yesterday a distin- guished nobleman arrived at the Hotel. He Henry Lord Arlington, and is related to the lead ing English nobility. He cornea to this country to study our institutions, and see the wonders or na ture in which our land is so rich. His father ia the ISarl of Sunderland, to which he is heir. When we state that his Lordship has an income of about a million dollars a year, and Is a gay young bachelor of twenty-lve, we think we have said enough te turn the heads of all the young belles In the city." I was soon waited on by the chief peo ple in tne city. 1 bore letters of introduc tion to them, and met with an eager wel COme stately manners, my -raininess and self-reliance won me respect? I was shortly the lion of the city. I soon en countered my victim. Isabel Nevers, for this was her name, was the daughter of one of the old fami lies. Her father was a man full of self im portance and absurd conceit. He prided himself on being the son of an American officer, and cultivated his lofty feeling of arrogance to a ridiculous extent. His daughter was worthy of him. Hard, cold, and selfish. She waa only attractive in outline and feature. The feeling of am bition and self importance overruled all other sentiments. Love she could not feel. Marriage she looked upon .as a specula tion. She sought a husband only for the sake of wealth and social influence. Wealth and Position were her gods. I saw with exultation how readily she frll into the snare I spread for her. No sooner had she seen mc than she exerted all her arts to win me. And I never did any lover appear half so intoxicated as I. The reader can foresco the end. Jhe newspapers announced it ; I ; ' I I I I I I I I " Marriaos rs? High Lira. It is stated that Lord Arlington is about to lead to the hymeneal alter the daughter of one of our most distinguished citizens. If this be so, we venture to say that the tounoiBi. james win nave no orignter orna mem man miss nevers. All this transpired in about a fortnight The marriage was settled upon. I showed to old Nevers my bankers authority to draw on England for millions. I made deeds of settlement to my bride of estates ana lands, l lavished my wealth with liberal hand. She held instruments with my signature to the extent of millions. On the evening before our marriage 1 wrote off to my old employer, anony , monsly: "Sra: The young man in whom you place con ndence is s scoundrel, lie Is now not in Eurooe but Philadelphia, with forged letters bearing the name of Lord Arlington. Do not despise this. dqi come yoursen to rniiaueipma. iarn all and save yourself from Ruin " We were married. It was the most magnificent wedding ever known in Phil adelphia. All the elite of the city were present. Such splendor, such display, nad never beiore been seen. Three davs nassed. One morning a loud and peremptory knock was heard at the door. I had been living with my wife at Mr. Nevers's. in seclusion. Drerjaratorv to taking her to the aristocratic connections ot her noble husband. Tne crisis ap preached. Well, I had nerve for any thing. The servant opened tne door. Loud voices sounded in the hall. My wile stepped to tne door anahurned back. She Was white as a sheet. " Ha, ha !" she exclaimed, nervously ; "they want Lord Arlington. They say he s an xmposier. " An impostor ! Well, that is good I I cried, gayly. " I must see him," cried a loud voice. " Well, it's getting better and better !" I exclaimed; and springing up, I went to the door. I saw my late employer. He started baek. " Well my good man can I do anything for you ?" My calmness, my hauteur, my impudence, were beyond desciptton. "Edward," said he, "has it come to this ? Confess all. and I'll forgive you." Had not my heart been beyond the reach of pity, his tones would have melted me. But I calmly gazed at him. " My dear sir, you are laboring under some strange delusion," I said. " Do I re semble any one whom you know ?" " You will not confess, then ?" he ex claimed, sternly confronting me: " Then, officer, I leave him to you." He turned away. I felt myself seized by officers, with a warrant, and carried away. My employer was no man to be trifled with. He had proofs against me too strong to slierht. and he held me to bail to such a vast amount that I could not get bonds. I had to go to prison. On the following day the papers were full of it To add to the excitement, I wrote a confession of my misdeeds, which was circulated everywhere. It was a ter rific blow to the Nevers es and my wife. I sent for my employer. I told him all. handed him back the draft for millions had only used it to show. The money had spent ws all my own the savings of years. None of it had gone to my wife, however. I had made her presents of jewels, but they all turned out to be paste. My employer forgave me. He had not lost a cent through me. He shook hands warmly. " God bless you, my poor boy 1" he cried. " Your desire for revenge has mis Jed you. May you be forgiven as I for give yon !" He exerted himself for me, but could do nothing. My offense had been too great. was sentenced to five years' -solitary im prisonment. Here I am now. My wife has never been near me. I hear she and her father went to California. Perhaps she has mar ried again. If so, I wish her joy. But if she has, when I get out of prison, I'll track her and make her give her new hus band up again. Courteous reader, through the bars of his cell a felon wishes you adieu. a Grandmother's Spectacles. Thkt had done good work in their day. They were large and round, so that when she saw a thing she saw it. There was a crack across the upper part of the glass, for many a baby had made them a play thing, and all the grandchildren had at some time tried them on. They had some times been so dimmed with tears that she had to take them off and wipe them upon her apron before she could see through them at alL Her ' second sight " had now come, and she would often let her glasses slip down, and then look over tne top of them while she read. Grandmoth er was pleased at this return of her vision. Getting along so well without them, she often lost her spectacles. Sometimes they would be for Weeks untouched on the shelf, in the red morocco case, the flap up lifted. She could now look off upon the hills, which for thirty years she had not been able to see from the piazza. Those were mistaken who thought she had no poetry in her soul. You could see it in the way she put her hand under the chin of a primrose or cultivated the geranium. Sitting on the piazza one evening, in her rocking chair, she saw a ladder of cloud set up against the sky, and thought how easy it would be for a spirit to climb it. She saw, in the deep glow of the sunset, a chariot of fire, drawn by horses of fire, and wondered who rode it. She saw a vapor floating thinly away, as though it were a wing ascending, and grandmother uttered in a low tone : " A vapor that ap peareth for a little season, ana then van lsheth away." She saw a hill, higher than any she had ever before seen on the hori zon, and on the top of it a king's castle. The motion of the rocking chair became slighter, until it stopped. The spectacles fell out of her lap. A child hearing it, ran to pick them up, and cried : " Grand mother, what is the matter ?" She an swered noti She never spoke again. Sec ond sight had come ! Her vision had grown better and better. What she could not Bee now was not worth seeing. Not now through a glass, darkly ! Grand mother had no more need of spectacles ! f a " Rev. Thomas De Witt Talmage. A Stupid Witness. Those who are in the habit of attending police and other courts must have ob served the difficulty under which the law yers and Judges labor sometimes in get ting witnesses to testify in legal form. The following, which recently took place at a Cincinnati court, is an amusing and perfect example : A man had been caught in the act of theft, and pleaded in extent, nation that he was drunk : Court (to the policeman who was wit ness). " What did the man say when you ar rested him ?" Witness. " He said he was drunk." Court. " I want his precise words, just as he uttered them ; he didn't use the pronoun lie, did he ? He didn't say ' he was drunk. " Witness. " Oh, yes, he did he said he was drunk ; he acknowledged the corn.". Coprt (getting impatient at the witness' stupidity). " You don't understand me at all ; I want the words as he uttered them ; didn't he say, 'I was drunk ?' " Witness (deprecatingly). " Oh, no, your Honor. He didn't say you was drunk ; I wouldn't allow any man to charge that upon you in my presence." Prosecutor. " Pshaw, you don't com prehend at all. His Honor means, , did not the prisoner say to you, 'i was drunk?'" Witness (reflectively). "Well, he might have said you was drunk, but I didn't hear him." Attorney for the prisoner. " What the Court desires is to have you state the prisoner's own words, preserving the pre cise form of pronoun that he made use of in reply. Was it the 1st person, I, the 3d person, thou, or the third person, he, she or it? Now. then, sir (with severity). upon your oath, didn't my client say, ' 1 was drunk V " Witness (getting mad). " No, he didn't say you was drunk either, but if he had, I reckon he wouldn't a Ued any. Do you 'spose the poor fellow charged this whole court with being drunk ?"" THE DOOR. BY THE "FAT CONTRIBUTOR." Casting about for a theme, the door seems to afford a very good opening for an article. We don't recollect seeing any thing written on the door, not since we were startled by seeing "Small-pox" written on one in an obscure portion of the city. The door is about as old as arcnitecture itself, and we are inclined to believe was invented before windows were, though that is a disputed point; It is our opinion that house architecture began with the door. In the early days when people lived out of doors (and out of almost every thing else), it occurred to one of those un easy individuals of inventive minds, who are constantly disturbing the calm placidity of the world with new-fangled ideas, that a door would be a good thing to have. Sleeping in a ten-acre lot, for in stance, of a stormv night, it would be so comfortable to have a door to his lot ; and what a sense of security would be afforded when he went away from home, to know that the door was locked I This, of course, excited the envy of his neighbors, who slept in lots adjoining, and who began to repine at their lot. Some said he was putting on airs ; others that he was unduly suspicious of his neighbors, and they asked him tauntingly why he didn't put a number on it and have a door- plate ; m tact, tney slammed that door in his face continually. Then another in dividual of an inventive turn set himself to work to get up an improvement on the door, and thus vitiate his patent, just as men do nowadays wHEnn fellow to in as ne has got a good thing. There are several things wehave thought of inventing, only we knew if we did an improvement would come out the next day that would knock our patent higher thana kite. This other man hit It at length ; he took door and built a house to it t and doors have been constructed in that manner ever since. We give this theory for what it is worth (writing as we do, by the column), but it is probably as correct theorizing as much that is indulged in concerning the early origin of matters and things. Win dows, of course, followed dcors, for it was natural for people to want a window to look out of when the door bell was rung late at night, to see who was there. Or, perhaps, before the inventing of windows, some man laboring under delirium tre mens wanted a place to jump out of, and thus realized the incompleteness of the house of the period, supplying the defi ciency so soon as he recovered. It is not with the window that we are now dealing, as we shall reserve that for another able article; we are, metaphorical ly, knocking at the door. The door is more intimately associated with our every-day life than one would think, if he didn't think anything about it. How cold and forbidding to some, and how slow to respond to their knock, while to others it wears a face' as genial and in viting as that of an old friend, and at their approach flies open like . lovers' arms in viting to warmest embrace. Dark and stern it scowls from with'n Its portals upon the houseless wanderer, who gazes sadly and pleadingly in its face as he half pauses on the sidewalk, and then creeps falteringly by ; but there is radiance in its look, and a welcome m its creak when the loved and honored are invited to en ter. In the olden times it was usual for the wealthy and .hospitable to decorate their doors with ribbons and banners, and above the door they sometimes inscribed sentence, as " The Goo4 House," or the name of the king who had honored the own -'er with office and emoluments. There are inscriptions now, but they usually read Mutual," " Home Insurance Company," "To Let," or something of that kind, and the only banner we see is the red flag of the auctioneer. If some of the ancient customs have lassed away, there are hospitab'.e doors eft yet ; doors that when opened reveal glimpses of brightness, and gladness, and beauty that do the heart good to look upon. There are doors, too, that are never closed upon the unfortunate, and doors that long to receive back the way ward wanderer, whose footsteps are ashamed or afraid to turn in the direction of their thresholds. Mournful doors there be, bearing the significant crape that tells its own silent tale of the sorrow that is within, and that preaches to us the eloquent, though oft unheeded, sermon of morality. If the doors could only speak, what sto ries they could tell. Of warm and joyous greetings; of heart-falterings and misgiv ings, as trembling hands rang the bell ; of CJld farewells ; or longing glances through tearful eyes, that follow the departing form of the loved one ; of the letter that brings ioy, and the message that brings grief; of tender whisperings and loving gartings; of billet-doux going out, and ills coding in ; of gay weddings arriving, and ssd funerals departing. Tell you, the door sees a great deal of life in its day. It sees your first visit to the outer world, borne in your nurse's arms. You give it a stunning slam as, with boyish shout, you hasten to your play ; and when you "come to be a man," and learn to smoke and drink, and, therefore, find it neccssa Ty to join a club, it sees yon stumble up the steps late at night, and laughs as you try to find the keyhole; tickling it, as one might say, with your night-key. It sees you totter out and totter in when you get old, and at last closes upon your final de to of of of to to as parture for your long home. Pray Heaven that the eternal door yon knock at then is not shut upon yon ! We did not know there waa so much in the door until we got to writing about it. uur attention naa not Deen attracted to it, owing, probably, to the fact that we were never " shown the door," not as we recol lect. Our only advice, in concluding, is, Deware oi evil aoort. Lnnexnnatx limes. The Old Black Bull. . Old John Bulklxv (grandson of the once famous President Chauncey), was a minister oi tne tospei, ana one ot tne best educated men of his day in the Wooden Nutmeg State, when the im mortal (or ought-to-be) Jonathan Trum bull was " round," and in his youth. Mr. Bulkley was the first settled minis ter in tne town of his adoption. Colches ter, Conn.' It was with him as afterward with good old Bra Jonathan. (Governor Trumbull, the bosom friend of General Washington), good to confer on almost any matter, scientific, political, or religious any subject, in short, wherein common sense and general good to all' concerned was tne issue, am a philosophical reason er, casuist, and good counselor, he was " looked to," and abided by. It so fell out that a congregation in Mr. Bmlkley's vicinity got to loggerheads, and were upon the apex of raising " the evil one," instead of a spire to their church, they proposed, and split upon. The very nearest they could come to a mutual cessation of hostilities was to appoint a conamitte of three to wait onfMr. Bulkley, state their case, and get him to adjudicate. They waited on the old gentleman, and he listened with great attention to their con flicting grievances. "It appears to me," said the old gentle man, " that this is a very simple case a trifling thing to cause you so much vexa tion." " So I say," says one of the committee. "I don't call it a trifling case, Mr. Bulkley," said another. " No caso at all, responded the third. . " It aint, eh ?" fiercely answered the first speaker. "No, it ain't sir !" quite as savagely re plied the third. " It is anything but a trifling case, any how," echoed number two, " to expect to raise a minister's salary and that new steeple, too, out of our small congrega tion." " There is no danger of raising much out of you, anyhow, Mr. Johnson, spite fully returned number one. "Gentlemen, if you please" beseech ingly interposed the sage. " I did "not come here, Mr. Bulkley, to quarrel," said one. " Who started this ?" sarcastically an swered Mr. Johnson. - " Not me, anyway," number three re plied. " You don't say I did, do you ?" says number one. . - " Gentlemen gentlemen 1" " Yes, Mr. Bulkley,'1aay8 Johnson, " and there's old Winkles, too, and here's Dea con Potter, also." u I am here, "stiffly replied the deacon', "and I am sorry the Rev. Mr.Bulkley finds me in such company, sir !" "Now, gentlemen, brothers, if you please," said Mr. Bulkley, " this is ridic ulous I" " So I say," murmured Mr. Winkles. " As far as you are concerned, it is ri diculous," said the deacon. This brought Mr. Winkles up, standing. " Sir V he shouted, " sir !' "But, my dear sirs" beseechingly said the philosopher. " Sir I" continued Winkles, " sir ! I am too old a man, too good a Christian, Mr. Bulkley, to allow a man, a mean, despica ble toad, like Deacon Potter" "Do you call me me a despicable toad?" menacingly cried the deacon. " Brethren," said Mr. Bulkley, " if I am counsel in your difference, I must have no more of this unchristianlike bicker ing." "I do not wish to bicker," said Johnson. "Nor I don't want to, sir," said the deacon, " but when a man calls me a toad a mean, despicable toad" " Well, well, never mind," said Mr. Bulkley ; "you are all too much excited now ; go home again, and wait patiently ; on Sunday evening next I will have pre pared and sent to you a written opinion your case, with a full and free avowal most wholesome advice for preserving your church from desolation and your selves from despair." And the committee left to await his issue. Now it chanced that Mr.Bulkley had a small farm, some distance from the town Colchester, and found it necessary, the same day he wrote the opinion and advice the brethren of the disaffected church, drop a line to his farmer regarding the fixtures of said estate. Having written a long and of course elaborate essay" to his brethren, he wound up the day's lit erary exertions with a dispatch to the farmer, and after a reverie to himself he directs the two documents, and the next moment dispatches them but, by a mis direction, sends each to its wrong destina tion. On Saturday evening a full and anxious synod of the belligerent churchmen took place in their tabernacle, and punctually, promised, came a dispatch from the Plato of the time and place Rev. John Bulkley. All was quiet and respectful attention. The Moderator took up the document and broke the seal open, and pause ensued, while dubious amazement seemed to spread over the features of the worthy President of the meeting. "Well, Brother Temple, how is it what does Mr. Bulkley say ?" and another pause followed. " Will the Moderator please proceed ?" said another voice. The Moderator placed the paper on the table, took off his spectacles, wiped the glasses, then his lips replaced his specs upon his nose, and, with a very broad grin, said : " Brethren, this appears to me to be a very singular letter, to say the least of it I" " Well, read it read it," responded the wondering hearers. " I wilL" The Moderator began : " You will see to the repair ofthe fences, that they bo built up high and strong, and you will take special care of the old black bull !" There was a general pause ; a nlent mystery overspread the community ; the Moderator dropped the paper to a " rest," and gazed over the top of his glasses for several minutes, nobody saying a word. " Repair the fences," muttered the Mod erator, at length. " Build them strong and high f echoed Deacon Potter. "Take special care of the old black bull ?" growled half the meeting. Then another pause ensued, and each man eyed his neighbor in mute mystery. . , A tall and venerable man arose from his seat ; clearing his voice with a hem, he spoke : - . " Brethren, you teem lost in the brief and eloquent words of your learned ad viser. To me nothing could be more ap propriate to our case. It is just such a profound and applicable reply to us as we should have hoped and looked for from the learned and good man, John Bulkley. The direction to repair the fences is to take heed in the admission and govern ment of our members ; we must guard the church by our Maker's laws, and keep out stray and vicious cattle from the fold ! And, above all things, set a trustworthy and vigilant watch over that old black bull, who is the devil, and who has al ready broken into our enclosures and sought to desolate and lay waste the grounds of our church." The effect of this interpretation whs electrical. AH saw and took the force of Mr. Bulkley's cogent aelvice, and unani mously resolved to be governed by it; hence the old black bull was pat hor du combat, and the church preserved in union. The effect produced on the farmer by the communication intended for the church, history does not record. How We Spend Our Money. There are Deonle who think it a small matter whether beef costs fifteen or thirty Cents per pound. What are fifteen cents to a lofty soul? But more thoughtful persons find that the large results of the life of a civilized community are varied by the size of the fractions which are inces santly multiplied into each other. xi one makes it a personal question, it may be laid down as one of not more than three or four rules for living, that one must know just how many cents there are in a dollar. Or, to take Mr. Micawber's ver sion : Income, twenty pounds ; expenses, nineteen pounds and eleven pence ; re sult, happiness. Income, twenty pounds ; expenses, twenty pounds and one shilling ; result, misery. take your bills for any year, and look through them carefully. The items below one dollar are not only the moat numer ous, but they make the largest sum. The trifles spent for post-prandial cigars and like nameless elements of expenditure, do not get Into bills at all; but twenty to forty per cent, ot our earnings dribble out of our purses in fractional currency. Most of us are engaged in a war with cents, and eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. Mankind will never be agreed upon a list of necessities. But, though no gene? ral statement is possible, it is eur to set down the necessities of any people. With the middle class a class determined by means only these prime wants are meat, bread, vegetables, fruits, coffee, tea, sugar. and a few others. To this it mult be added that house and furniture take one. third of our incomes. Clothing, fueLjSer vice and items take another third, and are kept within that limit only by a very vigilant management of the buruuu of the. interior. The man who has a spendthrift at the head of his office may as well go under at .once, in short, not more than one-thid of our incomes can be saved for the table ; generally less is left for this I purpose. Western Monthly. A Jealous Sparrow's Revenge. In the interior of the Tyne dock wagon shops the attention of one dT the work men was attracted to the movements of a pair of sparrows engaged in constructing a nest in a hollow where two girders met for the support of the ifon root For several days they labored most assiduously in preparing their abode, when by some sudden freak the progress of the tiny fab ric was suspended. A few mornings af terward the ears of the workmen were sa luted by loud chirruping and fluttering of wings, and from what transpired subse quently, it was evident that the female bird had severed the connubial bond, and enlisted the ssffections of another, who now vigorously contested with the re jected bird for the possession of the nest. For several hours the conflict continued, until the usurper proved the stronger. The rejected bird shortly afterward re turned and hovered about the spot, ap parently watching an opportunity for re venge, xais speedily occurred, ior in tne course of a short time the newly-Joined pair left for a short period. In their ab- J is. ted sparrow approached seuca the defeated the nest, and placing his back beneath the leathery moss, raised n irom us resting place, and sent it to the ground. The surprise of the other birds, on their re turn, at beholding the demolition of their dwejling, appeared to be great, and was amusing to observe. Notwithstanding this disaster, however, Jhey commenced building a second nest in the same place, the rejected mate watching their proceed ings with apparent interest. After two days of incessant labor they again left for a short time, and, taking advantage of their absence, the disappointed bird again demolished their residence. The birds, on their return, commenced building their third nest, with what result we know not. Our Own Fireside. A Word for Good Humor. Evert man should be sober sometimes. I once knew one so unfortunate as to be sober all the time, and yet an honest man. We have known men that never smiled, or seldom, whose faces were rigid as an iron mask, and yet they were kind, sim ple, and really reliable. But such are exceptional cases. Uni form sobriety is" presumptively very much against a man. He who gives no play to the gentler feelings has something the matter with him that should be looked into before one trusts him. Mirth itself ia not always honest. But it tends to openness, to sincerity, to sweet ness. Mirth has better stuff in it to make a man of than sobriety has. It, too, is used sometimes as a mask for hypocrisy ; but not half so often as sobriety is. Only consider how many men, quite empty and worthless, inwardly neither rich nor force ful, are kept agoing by the mere trick of gravity. When some men come to you it is like Sunrise. Everything seems to take new life, and shines. Other men bring night with them. The chill shadow of their so briety falls upon every innocent gayety, and your feelings, like birds at evening, stop singing ana go to their roost. Away with these fellows who go owling through life all the while passing for birds of paradise. lie that cannot laugh and be gay should look well to himself. He should fast and until his face breaks forth into Beecher. A Connecticut cooper has made bar rels enough to form a Duo ten miles long. FACTS AND FIGURES. Tub settlement of Cincinnati was commenced in December, 1788. Bkvbwtt-sbvkh different kinds of rice are cultivated In India. A i.adt in Maine was left by the war with 81 orphan grandchildren. Thkhb are said to be 600,000 French Canadians in the United States. Maabtx calculates that she has a popula tlon of seven hundred thousand. A Paris female is reading people's for tunes by the lines on their feet. Trra Jerseyman who invented patent leather died recently, worth oret (3,000, 000. Thk outstanding Are per cent, bonds of the State of Indiana will be redeemed Julyl. An experiment in France proves that a horse will live for twenty-four days on" water alone. " Montr " is the sole unrhymable mon osyllable in the English language, says the Benton Advertiser. Thk quantity of malt used in the United Kingdom in 1887 was 47,880,000 bushels, each making 18 gallons of beer. Indianapolis, Ind., propones to cele brate, on June 7, the fifteenth anniversary of the location of the State Capital in that cltT- Tint Romanist population of the French Empire is 36,800,884 ; the Protestant, 1, 501,050; the Jewish, 158,994, A maw in New Orleans offers to fight an alligator under water, with only a knife, if some one will give him $500. Tub dwellers on the Rhine are wonder ing at an old man of 70, who bathes in the icy river, and rests on a cakenr loe. Sr. John, N. B., ban a mushroom, grown in a cellar during the winter, measuring fifteen Inches in circumfer ence. A CoNNBcnctJT woman, who married her father-in-law a few years ago, now thinks the marriage null, and sues him for services as housekeeper. ' A countst Postmaster in New Fork State has posted a notice in his office di recting people " to lick their own stamps, else the letters wont go." Thk leaves of the coffee plant are now proposed as a substitute for tea. In Su matra the natives cultivate the plan ai- jnost entirely for the leaves. Accobuihg to the) circular of Messrs. Dupee, Beck & Sayles, of Boston, the amount of tne copper secured from the Lake Superior mines daring 1809 realized 23,83,07 pounds. London city pauperism increases The number of panpers tn that city In the second weerHn March was 174,700, to contrast with 149,165 for the same week in 1889. The indoor poor were 87,87 against 30,788. Thk Pittsfield KaffU says there is a woman living on Washington Mountain who is the mother of twenty-fine chOdres, IWeill 'lluee ur Whom mi v -raw- living, and a mora healthy woman is seldom seen. A ' It is stated positively that there ia a young lady in one of he Bkidefotd Maine) sniUs who is worth at least 10,000, but ho works quietly day by day, earning her aidollara weekly, in stead -of retiring with a competency. It is saiil that the 'machine power of England and Wales is competent to per form the labor of nearly six hundred millions of men, and is probably greater in productive capacity than the labor power of all the world b aside Jkddo, the capital of Japan, la, without exception, the largest and most populous city in the world. In contains the vast number of 1,00,000 dwellings, and 5.000, 000 human souls. Many of the streets are nineteen Japaneseries in length 22 Eng lish miles. Thkrr is a man in the vicinity of Cedar Keys, Flft , who has t wan ty-two-children living. The family subsist prin cipally on fish and oysters. They hare never had a plate or a cup and saucer in their house. In-lieu of cups they use gourds and shells. A mission Aur in India lately preached on the subject of faith, illustrated by the story of Abraham and Isaac, with such magnetic eloquence that one of his native slaughtered his son and o a (aeriflce. heaters immediately went uoane ttterea mm up aa A Frbnch chemist has succeeded in producing a paint with which to illumi nate numbers of street doors at night. Figures traced with it shine so as to be read through the most profound darkness ; and the preparation of the compound is mid to be simple, inexpensive, and unin Jurious in any way. Tsn Chinese never have any pockets, the only places answering for such being the capacious sleeves. Speaking f the compression of the women's feet, and the painful process of compression, a mission ary recently said he regarded it as less re volting, and .far less injurious than the Sractice of compressing the waist by ing. Or the cases of suicide, mental disorder, is the most active, one-third ot an cases that occur being traceable to it ; one-ninth to physical suffering ; one-eighth to loss of property ; one-tenth to remorse, shame, or fear of punishment; one-eighth to family troubles ; one-ninth to gaming and other vices, and a very small proportion to disappointed lore. Thk total value of property reported stolen in Chicago the past year, was $203, 292 ; total value of stolen property Becov ered, $186,902. The total amount of fines assessed in the Police Court Was $170,670; total number of arrests, 28,078 ; of these, 23,073 were males, and 0,005 females ; married, 7,85. i single, 20,46. The num ber of lost children was 1,067, and the number of lodgers accommodated, 2,750. A Baltimokk correspondent writes : -" Thunder sours milk and kills oysteTs. You may load a vessel to its utmost ca pacity, start for market, and one good round clap of thunder will kill every oyster in the vessel immediately. Pounding with an axe upon the deck of a vessel, when oysters are thereon, or pounding upon the sides of a vessel with a heavy weight, will kill every oyster that feels the Jar. Niagara has receded from a pint where it was more than 200 feet high to its present position, with a height of about 150 feet, and it is not unlikely that it may grind its way back to the lake which supplies it. On our continent, holding as it does more than three quartets of the fresh water bf the world, are to 1 found the most mighty waterfalls and cataracts known, among which may be named Niagara, the falls of the Missouri river, the Shoshone Falls on the Snake river, 210 feet in height and Immense in volume, and tlw falls of the Yo-Semito.