B. B. BLACKWELL,
LAMBERTVILLE, 1ST. J., OCTOBER 30, 1861.
EDITOR & PROPRIETOR
►
The Brave at Home.
BY T. BDCHA5AN liSAI).
Th# maid who binds bar warrior’s sash,
With smiles that well her pain dissembles,
The while beneath her drooping lash
One starry teardrop hangs and trembles,
Though Heaven alone records the tear,
And fame shall never know her story,
Her heart has shed a drop as dear
As ever dewed the field of glory.
The wife who girds her hatband’s sword,
’Hid little ones who weep or wonder,
And bravely speaks the cheering word,
W ho, though her heart be rent asunder.—
Doomed nightly in her ears to hoar
The bolts of war areund him rattle—
Hath shed as sacred blood as e’er
Was pourd upon the plain of battle.
The mother who coneeals her grief,
While to her breaet her son she presses,
Then breathes a few brave words and brief,
Kissing the patriot brow she blesses,
With no one but her secret God.
To know the pain that weighs upon her,
Sheds holy blood as e’er the sod
Received on Freedom’s field of honor 1
LAZY SAM,
OR
HOW JOB WON $2,500
The following story will not be worth
the less for being true. A Kentuck
ian horse-druver being in South Car
olina with a drove, happened to take
it to the neighborhood of Goneral H,
whose character for jockying and ma
noeuvring in trade was much more
celebrated than his feats in arms. The
Kentuckian having perfect acquaint
ance with his character, went to see
him to sell him horses—or to swap—
or to run him a race, as the destinies
might order and decree.
ne was one or tnose careless, un
concerned, knock-down and-drag-out ]
looking sort of fellows, who could as
sume just as ranch simplicity ot coun
tenance and address as circumstances
might require. He h?d the appear
ance of about twenty-two or twenty
three years of age, and, as usual,
was dressed in the blue mixed jeans
to hide dirt, and wore a drab- colored
hat for the same reason
“ Gineral,” said he, “ I’m just from
old Kaiutuck, with some powerful
nice horses, and maybe you want some.
Daddy told me if I come on to your
parts to call on you, and he reckoned
may be you would buy a pair of match
es or help me out in tradin’; for he
aaid you had a power of money, and
understood tradin’ to a scribe. Here’s
a letter from him.” handing one. "A nd
besides, I have as fine a pair of match
es as you conld shake a stick at, and
as tight a nag for a quarter, Daddy
says, as any in these parts ; he says I
must run no race , cause raought
loose, and we want all the money we
can scrape to pay for land. But I
reckon he’d suit you to a fraction,
cane yonr a sportin character, mought
win a powerful chance of money on
him.”
While be was thus introducing him
self and telling his business the Gen
eral opened tho letter, which read as
follows :
“ Dear General-— I take this op
portunity to wri 'ht to you by ray
Job, who is taken the first drove he
ever driv, and I want you to roll logs
with him, if so he suits you. Job’s
spry enough at home, but hasn’t cut
his eye-teeth yet, and you’ll lend him
a hand. I’ll do as much for any of
your boys, if you’ve got any, when
soever they come here tradin’ or any
thing else. So no more at present
and remain yours till death.
Peter Tomkinb.”
The hero of our horse-races, eotton
bags, and sugar hogsheads, thought
be saw a neat speculation, aad acted
accordingly. Mr Job Tomkins was
received with much courtesy; bis
Sian and boy were entertained with
the best in the larder; while his five
and twenty horses were not neglected.
It is true that the General had not
the slightest recollection of his friend
and correspondent Peter Tomkins.—
He might have once knows him or
not; it was tke same thing. Here
was Job, a raw Kentucky stripling,
with twenty-live horses, as easily
squeezed as a ripe lemon. It was net
in his nature to forbear.
In the meantime Mr. Job Tomkins
made himself quite free and easy, and
swaggered about the costly furnished
apartment as if he had been in a log
cabin. He viewed the silver plate on
the Bideboard with much apparent as
tonishment, and a pair of snuffers es
pecially, excited his curiosity.
“ Lord Gineral! ar them thar can
dle snuffers made out of the pure stuff ?
I never seed any afore but ir’n ones,
and mammy uses her sheers. And all
them ar things on that big chist (the
sideboard) is the raei Spanish castings.
I beard talk of this afore but never
seed it. Now, if I was to tell this in
oor settlement, may be they wouldn’t
hop straddle of me, and right over
me rough shod, for a liar ; but they
6ay you’re a powerful sight the richest
man in the South States—aiut you ?
To all of which the General return
ed suitable answers, and Mr. Job and
he were hand in glove for th# time
being. Each man was resolutely bent
to make a successful lodgement is his
neighbor’s pocket, with tbd view of
taking it out, (a Herculean task to be
sure,) when Job heard in the next
room the sound of music. Several
Kentucky reok were played ; anon the
sweet breathings of a raelodius voice
sung “Sweet, Sweet Home.”
“ Why I be d—d, if that dont beat
Bob Walker, and he’s a patch above
common. But that aint none of yonr
music boxes, I kuow ; it cant be. Is
it?”
“ My daughter is playing on the
piano,” Baid the General, “we will
walk into the room and see her.”—
Here were blandishments to strike Job
dumb and entrance all his senses.
The man who hath no music in his goal.
And is not moved with concord of sweet Bounds,
Is lit for treason, stratagem, and spoils.
Job thought a man might love mu
sic and spoils also. He felt a liking
for both. Therefore he applauded the
music in his own way, most raptu
rously.
Said Job, “May I never pull an
other trigger, if she’s not a priming
above anything I ever heard talked
about. Why i he’s chartered ? She’s
a raol one I assure you. Why it’s
enough to make a idler swim that
can’t; and if it wasn’t for all these
fine kiverlids over the track (the oar
pot,) and I had a partner to my mind
I’d go my drove to nothing, or les ,
I can shake the ticks off any boy you
can produce.”
The General now thought the Ken
tuckian ripe enough, to aid in which
he bad been plied with choice liquors
a.s he denominated the brandy and
Maderia
I he horses were brought out, and
examined, and price I, and cheapened,
and faults found with all.
They could agree upon nothing.
“ Well, where's your quarter horse?’
asked the General.
“ Oh, ho I I sort o’ tho’t, what you
were after,” answered Job, *‘vfor you
hardly looked at them thar matches,
and these fine geldings. So you must
be after th» quarter nag. Jim, fetch
up Lazy Sam, will you ? Now, Gin
eral, I’ll tell you, honor bright, he’s
never been lick’t in any quarter Bpurt
but once, by Joe Miller’s sorrel mare,
which runs like a streak of lightning.
She’s a rael screamer. Daddy swapt
for him last fall, after she tanned him
out. If I knowed her I’d give you
her marks, so that you mighu’t be tuck
in, for I hoerd Joe was bringing her
to the South to win his expenses.—
But here is the horse anyhow, and I
asfure you he’s not slow.”
Now, bo it remembered that honest
Job was not ignorant that General
II-. was at that time the owner
of this identical mare, and for reasons
best known to himself he wished to
make a race between her and Lazy
Sam. w;
The General examined Lazy Sam
with the eye of a jockey.
“ Pish 1” said ho contemptuously,
44 why this thing cannot run ; why it’s
[ as flab-sided as a sheep, and as heavy
shouldered as a hog, and cat-hamed
besides ; I would not give a mule for
three of it. Why did you not bring
a lot of mules to market ? Your hor
ses do not suit me. Pray what do
you ask for this thing which you call
a running nag ? It may do to plow
a season or two. Does it work ?”
Unlike the Job of ancient days
Job Tomkins suffered his anger to
arouse and master him—at least be
made the General think so. To use
his own words he carvorted. He
screamed out—
44 Hello, mister! I wonder your so
mighty mighty wLe, considerin’ you
know so little. Why you make me
feel all over in spots to listen to you.
I reckon may be you’ve got a quar
ter nag yourself, aint you ?”
“I have a plow nag here,” said
the General very colly, 44 that I am
sure can ran away with (hat thing of
yours.”
“ Thing !” halloed Job ; “ why von
make me feel sort of woolfy, and I’ve
a mind to go my whole lot against
anything you can parade in the whole
South.”
" I would not spoil a good mind
then,” quoth the General. "Bui I
suppose you are afrid to run since
yoar father has forbidden it.”
" I don’t care a solitary flint for
what Daddy says, when my Irish is
up,” exclaimed Job indignantly.—
" Brind out your nag and let us see
it.”
The General gave the order, and,
as Job expected, the sorrel mare (once
Joe Miller,8) was brought forward.
While Job examined, his adversary
edeavored all ho could to fret him by
dispraising his horse, and Job appear
ed worked up to fever heat.
To cut short the story, the drove
was staked against twenty-five hun
dred dollars in a check upon the C—
Bank; aud the company adjourr.ei to
the General’s track to see the race.
On the way Job stopped short, and
faced the General, asked very ear
nestly :
"Now you’re #«re this aint Joe
Miller’s uag ? My mind sort o’ mis
gives me, caze from what I’ve heard
they sort o’ favor like.”
“D-n your Joe Miller and his
nag also !’, replied the General. "The
nag is mine, I tell you.”
This appeared satisfactory.
I have given you the General’s de
scription of Job’s running horse—
done to fret him. It was by no means
a correct one. Lazy Sam was a well
made pony of the Printer stock, but
was of a mild, sleepy, sluggish dispo
sition, until his metal was roused. Ha
generally went with his eyes shut, and
his head drooping at an angle of for
ty-five degrees. When the General
viewed him ho was in ibis condi
tion.
The horses were in the General’s
stable, and the check for two thousand
five hundred dollars was in the hands
of a gentleman present. The General
had no doubt about keeping Job’s
fine horses and sending him home on
his ten toes. Lazy Sam was led
along by Job’s boy, as sleepy as usual.
The preliminaries were adjusted, and
riders mounted. As Job threw Jim
on Lazy Sam, he sprang all fours off
the ground, and his dull sleepy look
was changed into a wild and almost
devilish expression.
He looked as Job did when he^ear
vorted.’
The General lost his mahogany col
or, and looked pale, but he said noth
ing.
Lazy Sam won the race
feet, and Job, as cool as a cucumber,
put the twenty-five hundred dollar
ehe -k in his greasy pocket b«)k.
A subdued laugh went the round
of company, while the General tried
to bottle his wra b, when Job; offered
to double the slake for another race,
providing it “ wasn’t against Joe Mil
ler’s nag.” The General couldn’t see
it, however, as he discovered po
been badly sold ; so Job
stakes and made for other paras, with
$2,000 in hand, as part expenses for
the journey.
by thirty
had
8pon up
$80,000 Dollars Saved.
Before martial law was established
in St Joseph, Mo., a gang of seces
sion marauders had their evil eye upon
$80,000 in gold in the Express: office,
aud were preparing to pounce upon
it, when the agent in charge jof the
money adopted a plan to decieve them.
The Omaha Nebraskian says :
From the Collar aa old trunk, with
out a lock, and covered with mould,
cobwebs and dust was brought forth
From the old clothes inside, of the
messengers quickly selected a suit
more compatible with the appearance
of the trunk than the one he Usually
wore. The treastre was then tmeked
snugly inside, and an old piece of rope
tied carelessly around it supplied the
place of the lock, and held the lid se
curely down. Hurrying dovn the
street as fast as his clumsy boots
would let him , our messenger disguis
ed cffectnally as an anxious clodhop
per, secured a drayman, and telling
him that times wore getiing ratler hot
iD St Joseph, he had concluded to go
to El wood, and that he had sonie bag
gage at the Express office he .would
like to have taken over.
The drayman went with hid, aud
after a little parleying and fogging
the Exrress agent to let the trnpk go
without payment of a small charge al
leged to be upon it, and while the back
of the owner was turned, made fun to
the drayman of his appearance and of
his trunk, and finally helped the own
er to load it, putting off the drayman,
who was anxious to help with “.Never
mind, it’s no trouble.” Walking down
the middle of the street behind the
dray, our disguised messenger soon
reached the river, and in a few min
utes more, was safely in Elwood.
Thus $80,000 in gold, hard gold,
passed under the very eyes of the reb
e's at St. Joseph. Joined by another
messenger, equally rough in appear
ance, a team was hired to bring them
to Nebraska City, and from thence by
stage to Ohama, bringing the same
old trunk with its load of treasure,
strapped on behind as if it contained
nothing more than old clothes.
A Great Thought.
There are worse things than war.—
Deterioration and moral cowardice
are worse than death ; and when it
becomes necessary to die for great
troths and principles, how sweet and
how beautiful is the sacrafice ! Let
no one imagine that thifi is oar day of
of deepest darkness. Twenty millions
of people rising as one man, thrilled
by one pulse, swept by one spirit of
self-sacrafice, holding right and justice
to be dearer than life, and that life
may be and shall be offered up, will
appear in history as the brightest omen
of the century. Civilization and free
government are not to fall here, but
to come forth more glorious and se
cure from trial- This is the clear
pointing of the finger of God, and for
this he strikes the awful hour and
summons men to their duty Mean
while wo hope that from all the altars
of religion will be breathed the holi
est, selectest influence into tbe cause
of constitutional liberty ai the cause
of God.
fpsttlkniaus.
Sonnet to a Clam,
nr jams «. sax*.
Inglorious friend ! most confident I am
Thy life is one of Tory little ease j
Albeit men nook thee with their smiles
And prate of being 11 happy as a olam!”
What though thy shell protect! thy fragile head
from the sharp balHfs ef the briny sea ?
Thy Tairas are, sure, ne safety-valves to thee,
While rakes are free to desecrate thy bed,
And bear thee ef—as foemen take their spoil—
far from tky friends and family to roam ;
forced, like a Hessian, from thy native home,
To meet destruction to a foreign broil!
Though then art tender, yet thy humble bard
Declares, 0 olam! thy case is shocking bard!
Motto for an' Army Tailor-—Let
A long tongue is even harder to
conceal than a long nose.
The man who carries all before him.
The wheelbarrow man.
Why is a disconsolate yonth like a
mower ? Because ho heaves a scythe.
Important to anglers.-r-Oin rod is
eqnal to one perch.
The oldest deaf and dumb asylum
in the world.—The Grave.
The dangers ef knowledge are not
to be compared to l be dangers of ig-t
noranco.
Foflojr the fashion; you had better
display other people’s folly than your
own.
Though tho clouds rear their battle
ments in the sky, they are easily car
ried by storm.
To say I can forgive, but I cannot
forget, is only a rather ungracious way
of refusing forgirenea.
Wo me*, we sometimes think, more
easily pardon faults in men than ex
cellencies in each other.
Armies ought to be public spirited,
yet each soldier should occasionally ati
tend to his own privato aims.
Old inaids are orojs to the world in
gcueral, because they have no hus
bands to expend their ill-temper on.
When Is an Irish girl most disposed
to take compassion on her lover ?—
When her heart goes pity ••pat.
Ntw York has in the field, already
mastered in the United States service,
and ready for mustering, 84,398 men.
It is believed at Washington that
the order for an exchange of prisoners
is the forrnnncrfor a general exchauge
ot prisoners.
In Spain, preparations for the Mex
ican expedition are actively progress
ing, and it will soon leave, without
waiting for the Anglo-French allies.
An insurrectionary movement has
taken place at Cydad, in Russian Po
land, and the Mayor of that place was
killed.
Financial depression continues in
Paris, and there has been some agita
tion in that city owing to the advanced
price of bread.
One of onr most common and most
hurtful mistakes is to suppose that we
are the only person who sees this or
that.
Forty-two experienced surfmen have
been engaged from Moumonth and
Ocean comities, by the government, to
terve ©n the Southern coa6t expedi
tion—in landing troops, stores, &c ,
on the coast.
From New Mexico we learn that a
deputation of Navajoo Indians has
arrived at Santa Fe, and made a trea
ty of peace with the government.—
The United States force in the terri
tory is fifteen hundred regulats and
three full regiments of volunteers.
Cool.
A New York liquor dealer who
had gone to rusticate at the Springs
a few weeks ago, received the follow
ing telegraph despatch from a friend :
“ Dear Be Your store was boornt last
night>HaU tkeiiqaor gone to thae devil.
Yoars, H*
H sent the following reply :
* Dear H. ; I received yo ar mess
age-— m glad my liquor has gone
where my friends can drink U.
Years, B.;
Paul Jones.
Paul Jones, the naval hero, par
excellence, of the Revolutionary era,
was plaeed in command of the Prov
idence, of 12 guas, in Febuary, 1116 j
with which he captured within six
weeks, 16 merchant vessels, destroyed
the enemy’s fishing establishment at
Isle Madame, fought'the Solebay, of
28 guns, for several hours, and ou
several occasions encountered the
Milford of 32 guns. In October of
the same year, when in command of
the Alfred, he destroyed the fisheries
at Port Royal, and captured all their
freights on board bound for Europe.
The next year he commanded the
Ranger, of 18 guns, and proceeded to
Europe. On Feb. 2, 1118, Brest, he
received from Admiral Count D’Or
villiers the first salnte ever paid to
the American flag by a foreign man
of-war. In the following April he
sailed against Whitehaven, scaled the
walls of the fort, and spiked the can
non—38 in number. While on the
English coast, the Drake, of 20 guns,
was sent out against him, and although
of superior force he promptly engaged
and captured her, in presence of a vast
coficourse of people assembled on shore
to see him taken, as the Captain of
the Drake assured them before he
went out would be the case.
Thus we see what an enterprising
young officer with very small means,
accomplished at the begining of a
career which Washington pronounced
at its close “ as having attracted the
admiration of the world.”
With his own hands Jones hoisted
the Star Spangled Banner on board
the Alfred, in the Delaware, the first
time it ever floated to the breeze—at
the masthead of a ship under his com
mand it received its first salute from
a foreign power. Fighting under its
folds, he was the first to cause the
meteor flag of England to strike be
fore it, add on the very coasts of Brit
ain, in defiance of the proudest navy
in the world he caused the astonished
enemies of America to q«ail beneath
his prowess.
Country Bar Rooms.
Irving jays the only temple of true
liberty in this world is the bar-room
of a country inn ; an institution where
you may pull off your formality with
your boots, roll up ‘your trousers with
| your cares, and puff away all your
| troubles with a pipe without any fear
| that a broom-stick will call yonr at
tention to the carpet, or dark-com
plexioned frowns remind you of the
injurious effects of tobacco juice on
the stove-hearth. The parlor will do
well enough for those who are brought
up under despotism ; but to a man
who has once fed on democracy, there
is no spot in the world where he can
eularge the area of freedom with less
fear of raising an insurrection, than
in the snug, cosy corner of a country
bar-room.
Tlie Rothschilds.
When George the III came to the
throne there was a little boy at Frank
fort who did not dream of ever having
anything to do, personally, with the
sovereigns of Enrope. He was in the
first stages of training for the Jewish
priesthood. His name was Meyer An
salua Rothschild. For some reason or
other he was placed in a counting house
at Hanover, and he soon discovered
what he was fit for. He began hum
bly as an exchange-broker, and went
on to the banker of Landgrave of
Hesse, whose private fortune he saved
by his shrewdness, when Napoleon
overran Germany, How he left a
large fortune and commercial charac
ter of the highest order, and how his
five sons settled in five great cities of
Europe, and have had more authority
over the war and peace and the desti
nies of nations than the Sovereigns
themselves, the world pretty well
knows. Despotic raonarchs must be
dependant upon money lenders, unless
they are free from debt, and can com
mand unlimited revenues for untold
purposes—which is never true of des
potic Bnvoreigns.
Lazy Boys.
A lazy boy makes a lazy man, just
as sure as a crooked sapling makes a
crooked tree. Who ever yet saw a
boy grow up in idleness, that did not
make a vagabond when he became a
man, unless he had a fortune left him
to keep up his appearance ? The great
mass of theives, paupers and crimi
nals, that fill our penitentiaries aud
alms-houses, have come to what they
are by being brought up in idleness.
Those who constitute the business
portion of the community, those who
make our great and useful men, were
trained up in their boy-hood to be
industrious.
u I say, Sambo, can you answer
dis conuuderfum ? Suppose I gib
you a bottle of whiskey shut wid a
cork ; how would you get the whiskey
without pullin’de cork or breaking
the bottle ?” “ I gives dat up.”—
M Why, push de cork in. Yah,
Yah I”
Our Banner.
Jos. Holt, in a letter to the citizens
of Kentucky, speaks thus to the Star
Spangled Banner:
“ Let us twine each thread of the
glorious tissue of our country’s flag
about our heart serings, and looking
upon our homes, and catching the
spirit that breathes upon us from the
battle-fields, of our fathers, let us re
solve that come weal or woe, we will
in life and in death, now and forever,
stand by the stars and stripes. They
have floated over our cradles, let it
be our prayer and struggle that they
shall float over our graves. They
have been unfurled from the shores of
Canada, to the plains of New Orleans
aud to the halls of the Montezumas
and amid the solitude of every sea ;
and everywhere, as the luminous sym
bol of resistless and benefieient power,
they have led the brave and free to
victory and glory.
It has been my fortune to look up
on this flag in foreign lands and amid
the gloom of an oriental despotism, and
right well do I know, by contrast, how
bright are its stars, and how sublime
are its inspirations. If this banner,
the emblem for us of all that is grand
in human history and of all that is
transporting in human hope, is to be
sacrificed on the altars of a Satantic
ambition, aud thus disappear forever
amid the night and tempest of revolu
tion, t >en will I feel—and who shall
estimate the desolation of that feeling
—that the sum has indeed been strick
en from the sky of our lives, and that
henceforth we shall be but wanderers
and outcasts, with nought but the
bread of sorrow and penury from our
lips, and with hauds e/er outstretched
in feebleness and supplication, on
which, at any hosr, a military tyrant
may rivet the fetters of a despairing
bondage. May God, in his infinite
mercy, save you aud me, and the land
we so much love, from the doom of
such a degradation.
Mo Sabbath.
Id a ‘ Prise Essay on the Sabbath,’
written by a journeyman printer, iu
Scotland, there appears the following
striking passage :
“ Yoke-fellows ! think how the ab
straction of the Sabbath would hope
lessly enslave the working classes, with
whom we are identified ! Think of
the labor thus going on in one mon
otonous, and continual and eternal
cycle—limbs forever on the rack, the
fingers forever playing, the eyeballs
forever straining, the brow forever
throbbing, the shoulders forever droop
ing the loins forever aching, and the
restless, mind forever scheming ! Thiuk
of the beauty it would efface, of the
merry-heartedness it would extinguish
of the strength it would tame, of the
sickness it would breed, of the projects
it wonld wreck, of the groans it would
extort, of the lives it would immolate,
of the cheerless graves it would pre
maturely dig ! See them toiling and
moiling, sweating and fretting, grind
ing and hewing, weaviug and spinning,
sowing and gathering, mowing and
reaping, raising and building, dig
ging and plauting, unloading and
storing, striving and struggling—in
the garden and in the field, iu the
granary and in the barn, and in the
factory, and in the mill, in the ware
house and in the shop, on the moun
tain and in the ditch, on the road
side and in the wood, in the city and
in the country, on the sea and on the
shore, on the earth in' the days of
brightness and of gloom. What a sad
picture would the world present if we
had no Sabbath 1”
A French Story.
In 1169 a gentleman was passing
late at night over Point Nouf (Paris)
with a lantern. A man came ap to
him and said :
‘ Road this paper.*
He held up his lantern and read as
following :—
‘Speak not a word when you’ve this read,
Or in an insant you’ll be dead !
Give up your money, watch and rings,
With other valuable things—
Then quick, in silence, you depart,
Or I, with knife, will cleave your heart!’
Not being a man of much pluck,
the affrighted gentleman gave np his
watch aud money, and ran off. He
soon gave the alarm, and the high
waymen was arrested.
‘What have yon fo say for yourself V
inquired the magistrates before whom
the robber was arraigned.
'That I am not guilty of robbery,
thought I took the watch aBd money.
* Why not guilty ?’ asked the magis
trate.
4 Simply becnuse I can neither read
nor write. I picked up the note just
at the moment I met this gentleman
With a lantern. Thinking it might
be something valaabie, I politely ask
ed him to read it for me. He com
plied wiih my request, and presently
handed me his watch and purse, and
ran off. I suppose the paper to be
of great value to him, and that he bad
thus liberally rewarded me for finding
it. He gave me no time to thank
him, which act of politeness I was
ready to perform.’
The gentleman accepted the pica uf
the robber and withdrew his com
plaint.
“A Tail Halt.”
The following laughable affair is from
Fisher’s River Scenes and characters.
The incident is located in North Caro
lina. It is a story of a man named
Oliver Stanley, who was taken captive
by the wild Injuus After some con
sideration, they pnt him into an emp
ty oil barrel and headed him up, leav
ing the bung-hole open that he might
be longer dying. The prisoner relates
a portion of his experience in th is
wise :—
“ I determined to get out that, or
bust a trace; and so I pounded away
with my fist till I beat it into a jelly
at the head of the bar’l, but it was no
go. Then I butted a spell with my
noggin, bnt I had no purchase like
old rams when they but ; for you
know they back ever so far, then they
make a tilt. So I caved in, made my
last will and testament, and virtually
gave up the goast. It wur a mighty
serious time with me, to be sure.—
While I wur laying thar, balancing
accounts with ’tother world, and afore
I had all figgersmade out to see how
things’ud stand, I heard scrambulating
in among the leaves outside, and a
snortin’ every whipstitch like he smelt
sumthin’ he didn’t aczacly like. I lav
as a salamander, and thought mny
be there was a chance for Stanley vet.
So the critter, whatever it must he,
kep’ noseiu’ round the barl. Last
be cum to the bung hole, put his nose
In, smelt mighty pa»ticlar, and gave a
monstrous loud snort. I helt what
little breath I had, to keep the critter
from 8mellin’ the internals of that
bar’l. I soon seen it was a bar of the
woods, who had lived theie from time
immortal. Thinks I, old fellow, look
out; old Oliver ain’t dead yet Jast
then he put bis paw in, just as far as
he could, and scrappled about to
make a convey*. The first thought I
had was to nab his paw, as a drownin’
man will eoteh a straw ; but I seen
that wouldn’t do, for you see he
couldn’t then travel. So I jist waited
a spell with great flatterbation of
mind. Tbe next move he made was
to put his tail in at the bung hole ov,
the bar’l to test the inards. I seen
that were the time to make mv Jack
so I seized my holt, and shouted at
the top of my voice :—
“ Charge ! Chester, charge !
On ! Stanley, On !”
And the bar, he put and I knowed
tail holt was better than no holt ; and
so we went, barl and all, the bar full
speed. Now, ray hopes were that the
bar would jump over some precipices,
break the bar’l all toshiverauons, and
so liberate me from my nasty, strakin’
filthy prison and sure ’nuff, the bar
at ful speed leaped over a caterack
fifty foot high. ! Down we went in
a pile, cowhollop on a big rock, birstin’
the bar’l and neerly shakin’ the gizzard
out o’ rae. I led go ray tail holt—
had no more use for it—and away
went the bar like a wliirlygust of wood
peckers were after it. I’ve never
seen nor heard from that bar since,
but he has my best wishes for Ins pres
ent and future welfare.”
How Tom was Cauglil.
One of our young friends sends the
following anecdote of a Maryland la
dy and her negro servant. The lady
was nnable to account for the great
consumption of butter in the family,
and one day she followed a new pur
chase to the kitchen, in time to see the
cook’s Tom deposit one of the rolls in
his hat, and put it on his lWd. With
out seeming to notice it, she sent the
cook, who was browning coffee over
the fire, on an errand, and desired Tom
to take her place. Not saspecting the
object, he readily complied. Presently
as he stirred, a violent perspiration
broke out on him.
“ Stir away, Tom,” said the lady,
“ or the coffee will burn !
“ Oh, missus,” groaned Tom, “ I’se
so hot, I sweat so !”
“ Well, you do sweat that’s a fact;
but stir away.”
The prespiration became too strong
for Tom’s control, and poured over
his face and eyes in streams. Catch
ing a smile on the lady’s face he drop
ped the spoon exclaiming, “ Oh, mis
sus, I neber do so again,” and made a
dash for the door. Tom was fnllv
cured.
Value of one Cent.
A French mathematician has been
calculating what would now be the
sum produced by one cent put out at
live per cent per annum, compound
interest at the commencement of the
Chiistain era. He estimates what
would be the value of a ball of solid
gold equal in size to the earth. He
then makes the astounding statement
that had one such ball of gold fall
en each minute during the past eigh
teen hundred and sixty years, the val
ue of all these globes together would
not amount to so much as the sum
produced by one cent, at componnd
interest, during the same period.
There are many people in the world
who spend half their time in thinking
what they would do if they were rich
and the other half in conjecturing what
they shall do as they are not.