Perth Amboy evening news. [volume], September 09, 1903, Page 4, Image 4

About Perth Amboy evening news. [volume] (Perth Amboy, N.J.) 1903-1959

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Pertf? Amboy Evening flews
FOUNDED 1879 AS THE PERTH AMBOY REPUBLICAN.
An Independent Newspaper published every afternoon, except Sundays,
by the Perth Amboy Evening News Company, at
5 King Street, Perth Amboy, N. J.
J. LOGAN CLEVENGER,.Editor
D. P. OLMSTEAD,.Business Manager
CHAPLAIN OF THE TUILERIES.
Former Notable in Pari* Social Life
Who Ha* Abandoned Hi*
Odd I'ullinK.
A singular personage in Paris social
life has disappeared in the person of
ex-Mgr. Bauer, who was formerly the
brilliant chaplain of the Tuileries,
says the Paris correspondent of the
London Chronicle., Mgr. Bauer, who
was of Jewish extraction, began life
qs a stock broker's clerk, but sudden
ly abandoned that calling and entered
the seminary of St. Sulpice. After his
ordination his eloquence attracted Na
poleon III., who offered him a court
chaplaincy, with the special task of
teaching the prince imperial elocution.
M. Bauer drew large congregations and
on several occasions he occupied the
pulpit of Notre Dame. He accompa
nied Empress Eugenie to Egypt and
delivered a magnificent discourse at
the inaugural ceremony of the Suez
canal. During the war of 1870 M.
Bauer attended the sick and wounded
outside the walls of Paris.
In 1872 he wrote to Cardinal Guibert
informing him that for personal rea
sons he could no longer support the
yoke of the priesthood. Since then
the ex-prelate has been a constant fre
quenter of the opera and the affable
patron of art and literature. His
means were considerable and he gave
away a good deal in charity. He was
very popular among his former im
perialist friends and enjoyed a joke
over his former career. On one occa
sion he met Gen. de Galliffet on the
Btaircase of the opera and gave him
a punctilious military salute. The
general smiled benignantly and, rais
FREE OF CHARGE.
“If Dr. Howard’s Dyspepsia Specific Does
Not Cure You, it is Free,” says
C- A. Sexton.
“Not only will I sell a 50 cent bottle of
Dr. Howard’s Dyspepsia specifio at half
price, but I will agree to refund the mon
ey if my customer is not satisfied with
the remedy,” said C. A. Sexton the pop
ular druggist to a Evening News man.
“In other words,” he continued, “the
specifio is free if it does not cure.,’
Mr. C. A. Sexton has sold hundreds of
bottles on his special half price introduc
tory offer, and has a few left for those
who are fortunate enough to call at his
store before they are all gone. It is the
regular 50 cent size, containing sixty
doses, and is the one remedy for consti
pation and dyspepsia that makes perma
nent cures.
Dr. Howard’s specific for the cure of
constipation and dysepsia is not an ordi
nary tablet or powder that simply relives.
This remarkable discovery makes com
plete and permanent cures. Mrs. Char
lotte W. Wallace, of Manchester, N. H.,
writes: A few years ago I had a severe
attaok of Dyspepsia. Water distressed
me as much as food, and I could find no
relief. My druggist recommended Dr.
Howard’s specific very highly. This
great medicine gave me relief at once(
and I have never had another attack of
dyspepsia.
If you cannot go to C. A. Sexton’s
utnra t.n-dav. send him vmir order bv
CALENDAR OF LOCAL EVENTSJ
SEPT. OCTOBER
SMTWTFS SMTWTFS
.... i 2 3 4 5 . i 2 3,
6 7 8 910 ii 12 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
13 14 15 16 17 18 19 11 12 13 14 15 16 17
20 21 22 23 24 25 26 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
27282930. 25262728293 31
Sept. 12—Lawn festival, Danish M. E.
church lawn.
Nov. 18, 14, 20—Fair, Presbyterian
Chapel.
THOMAS M. THICKSTUN
Attorney-at-Law
122 Smith Street, Scheuer Building
fo. 43. s. G. Garretson, Commander; V
djt. Rev. E. B. French, Westminster. *
Imp'd O. R. M. Po Ambo Tribe No. 65
Council Sleep every Thursday. Peter
Axeen, Sachem, Hans S. Smith, C. of R.
Andrew Jensen C. of W.
Ira B. Tiqe Lodge No. 309 Rail-Road
Trainmen, meet every 1st and 3rd Sunday
Knights of Pythias Hall Cor. Smith and
High streets. T. J. Griffin Master Robt.
Mulvancy Secretary, Charles Miller Tres
urer.
I. O. of F., Court Keasbey, No. 3367.
Meets last Thursday of every month,
K.. of C . Hall, corner Smith and Rector
streets. G. W. Fithian, Chief Ranger i
H. E. Pickersgill, Secretary, 77 Lewis st. m
I. O. O. F. Lawrence Lodge. No. 62 J
Meets Odd Fellows Hall, Smith Street Hi
every Friday night. Dr. Frank Crowther,
N. G.; F. L. Herrington, Set^’y., Brighton lE
Ave. ■
Jr. O. U A. M. Middlesex Council No.
63'. Meets every 2d and 4th Wednesday^!
in City Hall. Charles Cluney, C ounsellor, H
G. M. Adair, Recording Secretary 203^!
Madison Av.
K. of P. Algonquin Lodge, No. 44. ■
Meets every Monday K. of P. Hall Smith 1;;
and High Streets. Harvey Stetson, C. C.; ^
Chris Meshrow, K. of R. and S. ^
K. of C. San Salvadore Council. Meets j
every 2d and 4th Wednesday in K. of C.
Hall, Smith and Rector Street. W A.
Growney, G. K.; Recording Sec’y.,
Richard A. Bolger, 124 Market Street.
I. O. of F. Court Perth Amboy, No.
3043. Meets K. ot P. Hall, High and
Smith Streets, every 1st and 3rd Tuesdays.
John K. Sheehy, C. R. Peter Poulsen, R
S., 165 Elm Street
R. A. Middlesex Council No. 1100.
Meets Odd Fellows Hall, Smith Street
every second and fourth Tuesday. Henry
McCullough Regent, N. H. Moore, Secre
a /• - i rr_
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION:
The Evening News is on sale at newstands and delivered by
regular carrier in Perth Amboy, South Amboy, Woodbridge,
Carteret, Tottenville and surrounding towns for 6c per wreek.
By mail, postage prepaid, per year.$3-°°
“ “ “ six months ..... 1.50
■ Ml L. . 1 . . ■ - - —
BRANCH OFFICE:
Newark, - .... F. N. Sommer, 794 Broad St.
Long Distance Telephone .... - 98
Entered at Post-Office as second class matter.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9. 1903
The Board of Aldermen meets to
night. The attention of the members
of the board is called to three things.
First, the much needed improvements
to the fire department are just as bad
ly needed as ever and the people are
waiting for some action. Secondly,
the Smith street sewer is something
that should be finished this fall and
should be acted upon at the earliest
possible moment, and thirdly, the
people are still waiting to hear the
fate of the Washington street paving,
lhe petitions and remonstrances re
ceived several weeks ago were referred
to a committee and no report has been
heard on the matter as yet.
The reporter who wrote the story
about the carnival in the Evening
News yesterday afternoon neglected
to state that both bands played Hia
watha. The band that remained on
the float, within hearing distance of
the crowd on shore, played it twice,
anyway, and some people swear they
heard it three times. The band on the
sloop played the tune once before
leaving the dock and how many times
while out in the stream, may never
nown.
le new primary law was given a
test in Perth Amboy yesterday and,
.1 i • XT.
UU bUC WllUlC, All TT (IpR a aUVVCDD. i-’W
party boss fixed the slate, forcing the
voters to cast the ballot in liis favor
MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN'S DRESS
Its Limitation* If It Im to lie Kept
'Within the Pale of Quiet
ElfKnnce.
“There is a limit, you know,” said a
middle aged woman, whose milliner had
been urging her to buy a large, flat hat,
shelving out in front. "It’s all very well
to say that there are no old women now
adays, and that we can all dress alike,
at any age, but it’s a matter in which
good taste and common sense must set
a check upon fashion.”
“But you look young,” said her friend,
according to the New York Tribune.
“Thank you, my dear! But if that
statement has any foundation in fact,
apart from your favorable view, it is
I shnply because 1 don't pretend to be
1 young. If I dressed like a young girl. I
A should look old. It’s true that there are
^k •no distinctive styles now for young and
|§|l old, but there are subtle modifications
Chat make all the difference. At my age
Hl^k we must be freer in som* particulars, ami
v'Bpore restricted in others.''
“I don’t quite see what you mean by
^^^that, though I do understand about your
'subtle modifications.’ I think you man
age them to perfection. But, as to free
dom and restrictions—”
“Well, we can have a little more free
dom from the tyranny of ‘styles,’ for ex
ample- We needn’t always appear In the
'very latest thing.’ If we have a two
year-old waist that has not a very long
front, or a stock collar too high for this
summer's prevailing mode, we can wear
them without fear that 'the girls’ will
say we look as if we had come out of the
Ark. With years and honors, we have
surely won some little emancipation
from the smaller tyrannies ot tasnion.
outgrown our drearl of a ‘back
We may even dare to adopt
dual style of our own, which
ventional youth could hardly
poa. But, on the other hand,
some things we must not, can
not wear! ”
“For instance?’’
“For Instance, big picture hats, flat
hats without trimming on the top, hig
flying veils hanging down at the back,
at lot of knotted ribbon ends, and all such
youthful fluffs and frills. And we should
avoid bright, delicate colors in large
masses, using them only in small quan
tities to relieve an all black or very dark
costume. A middle aged woman should
never adopt conspicuous styles, or go
to extremes in any way; she should study
the ‘little less’ that gives quiet elegance.
She should delight in black, and her fav
orite comblnatio
white. But she n
touch of pale co
even rose—if it’s
course, belongs t
/ " v ■'
or not at all. If that had been the
case there would have been no contests
at any of the nollmg places. Every
Republican and every Democrat had
equal chances to have his name up at
the primaries and it was for the voters
of the parties to choose who they
would nominate. It seems evident
that the more familiar the voters be
come with the new law, the more
satisfied they are with it.
In reviewing the political situation
throughout the State, the Trenton
True American, one of the leading
Democratic journals of New Jersey,
has the following to say regarding
Middlesex:
The chances for a Democratic sen
ator from Middlesex seem bright.
Assemblyman Gannon, it is argued,
would carry Perth Amboy and get
enougn votes in the township to elect
him.
EDITORIAL COMMENT.
Sir Thomas Lipton offers to sell his
three Shamrocks at bargain rates. A
bunoh of Shamrocks would be worth
something on St. Patricks Day.—Eliza
beth Journal.
Mr. Stokes has fraternized during
th« imut. wppIt with the followers of
Messrs. Dickinson and Baird. Now,
in case Major Lentz wins at the prim
aries tomorrow will the clerk in Chan
cery be seen at the jollification that
will follow the victory of the Essex
Connty Republican committee chair
man?—Newark News.
only peep out timidly, like a vanishing
memory of youth!”
"Come, you ought to write a poem on
the subject,” said her friend, laughing.
“Such language is really inspiring.”
“I feel inspired, with all the ardor of
a reformer,” said the woman of middle
age, laughing in her turn, “when I see
what guys some women make of them
selves in their efforts to look as young
as they would like to be. They don’t ap
preciate the value of years or the beauty
and dignity that belong to every stage of
livingwhenthefunnybig caps and shape
less gowns of my grandmothers, but I
do want to be fittingly and graciously at
tired.” _
SHELVES FOR STORING FRUIT.
How to Construct Good Substitute for
Darrels or Board
Shelves.
Chicken netting stretched as shelving
in rooms where fruit is stored will be
found a most advantageous substitute
for barrels of board shelves. The mesh
should be of such size as to prevent the
fruit from falling through, but no finer.
Apples placed on such a ijupport will
not touch each other nor be in contact
with anything to promote decay, says the
Rural New Yorker. They may be readily
inspected, and spotted or imperfect ones
removed. If preferred the netting may
be firmly tacked on frames and sup
ported on brackets attached to the cellar
walls. For the smaller fruits, cherries,
etc., a finer mesh may be used and the
same frames serve for the drying and
storing of the fruit. Where this is done,
spread the cherries over the netting and
place a similar frame over the fruit. Se
cure the two frames together by means
of hooks and staples. They may then
be turned over as often as desired, per
nutting tne cnerries to ury uimurunj
on both sides. It the frames are made
with sides one inch deep below and
two or more deep above they may be so
placed as to bring the netting close to
gether for the drying process and sev
eral Inches apart for storage purposes.
I The advantage of the extra space in the
latter case is that mice cannot attack
the fruit from below, and will not be
able to reach it from above. Theframes
can be readily removed and/cleansed
from fruit that has dried or decayed on
them. I
--i,
Not So Hud.
Mrs. Kelly—Bid yure husband come
home sober?
Mrs. Rooney—Comparatively so. Ho
admitted thot he was dhjunk.—Judge.
In Worldly Goods.
“It Isn’t every man that knows whea
he is well off.”
"No; but lets of us know that w« are
not.”—Brooklyn Life.
mail, as lie lias only a limited amount
left to sell at this special half price.
Correct inti' n MlKiipprcliciiNion.
"Yes, Johnnie, what Is it?”
"Ma, Isn’t pa half bright?”
“Why, what makes you ask such a
question?”
“ ’Cause I heard Mr. Highball say
that If pa were half bright he would
never have married you.”
"Mr. Highball is a had man, Johnnie,
four papa is one of the brightest men
this country ever produced.”—London
Tit-Bits.
Boards of Registry
and Election,
In and for each and every Election Dis
trict or voting Precinct in the County of
Middlesex, will hold their first meeting
as
Boards of Registry
and Election,
-ON
Tuesday, Sept. 8, 1903,
From 1 o’clock P. M„ and continuing in
session until 9 o’clock ill the evening, for
the purpose of registering the names of all
persons in their respective Election Dis
tricts entitled to the rights of suffrage
therein at tlie
NEXT GENERAL ELECTION
-ON—
November 3rd 1903
And That—A primary Election of dele
gates. To conventions of political par
ties or for makiug nominations or for
both as the case may be. Will be held
at the same time.
ing his hand, solemnly uiesseu me e*
monsignore.
THRIVES ON KEROSENE.
Smallest Mo*Qnlto of ltw Claws Is a
Terror and Grows Fat
on the Oil.
Dr. L. O. Howard, the government’s
chief expert on the mosquito question,
frankly admits that one variety of the
pestiferous insect has turned up in
New Jersey and on the islands around
the harbor of New York with which he
and all the government forces cannot
cope. This species has been named
and classified as the Aedes Smithii. A
member of Dr. Howard’s staif named
Smith discovered this most torment
ing species of the entire family and
that accounts for the latter part of the
terror’s name.
The Aedes Smithii is the smallest
mosquito known, as well as the most
ravenous and the hardest to kill.
Every other species of the tribe suc
cumbs to kerosene oil when that fluid
is poured on water in which the young
mosquitoes are maturing. But not so
the Aedes Smithii. This little vixen
thrives and grows fat on kerosene.
Dr. Howard’s experts hint that they
have found a poison that will kill
Smith’s terror, as it is called among
the scientists of the agricultural de
partment, but until they satisfy them
selves by further tests they will make
no public announcement.
A NEW BUILDING MATERIAL.
Great Thlnsr» Arc Expected of 1 rnl
ite, tlie Invention of a Itim
mIiiii Oflleer.
A new building material which
promises much for the future is called
uralite. It is the invention of a Rus
sian artillery officer and chemist
named Imschentezky. Uralite is com
posed of asbestos liber, with a proper
proportion of silicate, bicarbonate of
soda and chalk, and is absolutely fire
proof. In a soft form a sheet of ural
ite is like an asbestos board; when
hard it resembles finely sawn stone
and has a metallic ring. Besides be
ing a non-conductor of heal and elec
tricity, it is practically waterproof
(and may be made entirely so by
SECOND MEETING
The said
Boards of Registry
and Election,
—WILL MEET ON—
TUESDAY, OGT. 27, 1903.
At the places of their former meeting, at
t o’clock in the afternoon, and remain in
session until 9 o’clock in the evening for
the purpose of revising and correcting the
Original Register, anti of adding thereto
[ the names of all persons entitled to the
rights of suffrage in the Election District
at the next election, who shall appear in
person beiore them or shall be shown by
the written affidavit of some voter in such
Election District to be a legal voter there
in, and of erasing therefrom the name of
any person who, after a fair opportunity
to be heard, shall be shown not to be en
titled to a vote therein by reason of non
resident or otherwise.
H. II BROWN,
Chairman Middlesex County Board of
Election.
J. L. SUYDAM,
Slpprpfr.R VV
Dated Angust 25, 1903.
Aug. 31, 3w-3i-ew.
paint), and it is not aftected either
by atmospheric influences or by the
acids contained in smoke, which rap
idly destroy galvanized iron. It can
be cut by the usual carpenter's or
woodworker's tools; it can be ve
neered to form paneling for walls or
partitions; It can be painted, grained,
polished and glued together like wood;
It is not affected when exposed to
moisture cr great changes of temper
ature, and it can be given any de
sired color either during the process
of manufacture or afterward.
The Stereotyped Form.
McJigger—Have you heard from
Jolkley since he went to Africa?
Thingumbob--He sent me two little
lion cubs the other day.
McJigger—The idea! Any message
with them?
Thingumbob—A card tied to the
neck of one of them which read: “I
hope these few lions will find you
well.”—Philadelphia Press.
Good C'll-nnte.
A man 106 years old has started a pop
corn business at Long Beach, Cal., and
the California papers are making much
of the incident, as an advertisement for
the climate, which keeps a man in t;ood
health at that age.
wood's college
876 BROAD STREET, • NEWARK, N. J.
BUSINESS AND SHORTHAND
A Thorough Course and a Good Position
guaranteed or Money Refunded
.Satisfied Students Last Year A Catalogue for the asking
_ to
I Forrest X,. Smith
CITY SURVEY OR, I
Scheuer Building. B
BMBBaHBHBHHMM
FREq. Lupton. Herbert A. Bushnell.
LUPTON & BUSHNELL
SUCCESSORS TO LUPTON & LUPTON
..Granite and Marble..
Monuments
Headstones
and Fencing.
Your Patronage Solicited.
New Bruns’k Av. & Central R. R.
CITY DIRECTORY.
CHURCHES.
Beth Mordecai, Hobart Street. Pastor,
Dr. M. Kopfstein. Friday, 8.15 p. m.
Saturday, 10.00 a. m. Hebrew School,
Saturday 1 p. m. Sunday School 9.30 a. m.
Congregational (Swedish)—Gordon st.
—Pastor, Theodore Englund—Sunday Ser
vices 10.30 a. m. 7.30 p. m. Sunday School
9.30 a. m.
First Perth Amboy, Hebrew Mutual Aid
Society, Elm Street, P. Joselson, Trustee.
Services, Friday 6 to 7 p. m. Saturday
8.30 a. m., 4.30 p. m.
First Baptist—Fayette st..—Pastor, Rev.
Percy R. Ferris—Sunday Services, 10 and
and 10.30 a. m. and 7.30 p. m. Sunday
school 2. 30 p. m. B. Y. P. U. Friday 3.45
p. m. Prayer meeting Wednesday 7.45
p. m.
First Presbyterian, Market st and City
Hall Park, Pastor, Rev. Harlan G. Men
denhall D. D. Sunday services, 10.30 a.
m. and 7.30 p. m. Sunday School 9.30 a.
m., 2.30 p. m., Junior C. E. 3.30 p. m.
Y. P. S. C. E. 6.40 p. m. Prayer meeting
Wednesday 7.45 p. m.
Graoe English Lutheran. Smith Street
Pastor, Rev. E. J. Keuling. Sunday Ser
vices 10.30 a. m., 7.30 p. m. Sunday School
2.3o p. m.
Methodist (Danish) Madison Ave and
Jefferson st., Pastor, Rev. A. Hanson.
Sunday Services, 10.30 a. m. and 7.30 p.
m. Epworth League, 3.45 p. m., Sunday
School, 2.30 p, m. Class meeting, Wed
ucauuy uuu rnuny <u 7,4^ JJ. 111,
Iloly Cross Episcopal—Washington and
Johnstone sts.—Rev.D. A. Willes, priest in
charge—Sunday Services to. 30 a. m. and
7.30 p m Sunday School 9.30 a. m.
Our Savior’s Lutheran (Danish) State St.
Rev. V. B. Skov, pastor. Sunday services
10.30 a. m. and 7.30 p. m. Sunday
School 2.30 p. m.
Simpson Methodist—High and Jefferson
Sts. Pastor, Rev. S. Trevena Jackson,
A.M. Sunday services 9.30 and 10.30
a. m. and 7.30 p. m.; Sunday school, 2.30
p, m.; Epworth League, 6.30 p. m.; Prayei
meeting, Wednesday, 7.45 p. m.; Bible
training class, Friday, 7.30 p.m.; Young
Gleaners, Friday, 4.30 p. m,; Junior Ep
worth League, Friday, 7.00 p. m.
St. Mary’s Roman Catholic, Center St.
Rev. B. T. O’Connell, pastor; Rev. S. A.
Mitchell and Rev. T. F. Blake, assistants.
Sunday services 7.00 8.30, 9.30 and 10.45
a. m. 7.30 p. m. Sunday School 2.30 p.
m.
St. Paul’s German Church—South First
street—Pastor Rev. Jacob Ganns. Services
every 1st and 3rd Sunday of the month.
Sunday School every Sunday at 2 o’clock.
St. Stephens Roman Catholic (Polish)—
State St. Rev„ J. Ziellnsk, pastor. Sun
day services, 8.00, 10.30 a. m. Vespers,
4.00 p. m. Sunday School 3.30 p. m.
St. Stephens Lutheran (Danish) Broad
St. Pastor Rev. J. Christianson. Sunday
services 10.30 a. m. and 7.30 p. m. Sun
day School 3 p. m.
St. Peters Episcopal—Rector St. Rector,
Rev. J. L. Lancaster. Sunday services
10.30 a. m. and 7.30 p. m, Sunday School
2.30 p. m.
W. C. T. U.—Meets at 27 Smith st. ev
ery Sunday at 4 p. m.
LODGES.
A. O. U. W. Meets Odd Fellows Hall,
Smith Street 1st. and 3d. Mondays. I. B.
Mandeville, M. W.; J. S. Phillips, Sec’y.,
7 Kearney Ave.
B. P. O. E. No. 784. Meets K. of C.
Hall, corner Smith and Rector Street 1st.
and 3rd. Tuesdays. Dr. Frank Crowther,
E. R.; W. A. Crowell, Sec’y., Gordon
Street.
C. L. B. Father Quinn Council No. os.
meets 2d and 4th Tuesdays every Montn
in K. of C. Hall. William Hallahan, sec
retary.
D. of L. Meet in City Hall, every Mon
day evening. Counsellor Mrs. Maggie
Herbert, High street. Secretary Charles
Cluney 444 State st.
Degree of Pocohontas—I. O. R, M.
Meets every 2d and 4th’ Friday at City Hall
Mrs. G. Steinmetz, Pocohontas. Mrs.
William Greenleaf, C. of R. Mrs. P. Erick
son, C. of W. j
F. and A. M. Raritan Lodge No./ 61
Regular Communications 2nd. and 4th.
Thursdays, Odd Fellows Hall, Smith Street
C. F. Hall, W. M.; C. K. Seaman. Sec’y.,
High Street. '
F. of A. Court Amboy No. 58, meets at
K. of P. Hall, first and third Wednesday*
Thos. Lucas, Chief Ranger, E. J. Dalton
Fin Sec., 95 New Brunswick ave.
G. A. R. Major James H, Dandy Post
la‘ J j w jcuviuuu
K. of G. E. Meets in Odd Fellows’
Hall, Smith street, every Tuesday night.
George Bath, Noble Grand; Frank B. Reed,
Keeper oi Records, 129 Mechanic street.
P. O. S. of A., Washington Camp, No.
79. Meets every second and fourth Thurs
day K. of P. Hall, cor. High and Smith
street Fred Waters, President;J. M. Mills,
Secretary, 210 Oak street.
W. O. W. Perth Amboy Camp No. 19,
meets at City Hall 1st and 3rd Wednesday.
Chris. Mathiasen C. C., Dr. II. K. Mason
Clerk, 63$ Smith street.
Washington Literary Club meets in Un
ion Hall Adalaide Building, on the Second
Sunday of Each Month at 3 o’clock p. m.
John Clark, President.
One Pleusure Gone.
“I suppose. Miss Rambo,” said the
caller, "that your father feels much hap
pier now that he has been cured of rheu
matism.”
"Well,” explained the young lady, “he
feels better when he realizes that he
does not have to suffer any more; but he
feels pretty bad when he remembers how
exactly he used to be able to foretell the
weather."—Judge.
•__—‘
Only Remedy.
Young Man—Doctor, I feel wretched
all the time, nothing interests me, have
no appetltie and can’t sleep. What
would you advise me to do?
Old Doctor—Marry the girl, sir; marry
the girl—Chicago Daily News.
In Doubt.
His Wife’s Mother—You must think
I want to quarrel—
He—Oh! I didn’t know whether you
wanted to quarrel or whether you’d
rather have your own way without
quarreling.—Puck.
Interest Aroused.
“Running an auto must be exciting,”
said the friend.
“It is,” said the owner. “Every tima 1
you stop you wonder if the machine will
start again when you are ready.”—
Brooklyn Life.
John'. Mtxhap.
A Chinaman once lost his queue.
And he didn’t know what to dueue; !
He searched here and there 1
And almost everywhere, *
But it never came to his vueue. • <
—Chicago Daily News. )
- . |
HE FOUND HER WELL. '
Mr. Jassack—Aw, good evening, Miss
Boredone. I find you well, I hope.
Miss Boredone—Indeed, you do. Why,
1 can’t ge any place but you find me.—N.
Y. Sun.
The Irrepreimlble Agent.
“I’ll write you out a policy.”
“Not on your life,” said Hutch.
"Of course not,” said the agen bland;
"But on your own—how much?”
—Judge. _
Hardened Cases.
Yeast—I see in a far eastern cit!
prison has been unearthed and the m
mies are supposed to have been prison
ers.
Crimsonbeak—Hardened criminals,
without a doubt.—Yonkers Statesman.
The Latest.
“Have you heard of Gobang’s latest
fad?" !
“No. What is he doing now ?”
"Collecting breakfast foods. He has
tabulated 200 varieties, of which fully
one-third are edible.”—N. Y. Times. i J
l’p to Date Motto. H;
“Do you know that Mrs. Bickers has
made three attempts to elope, all un
successful ?”
^“Indeed? Her motto seems to be,
• at first you don’t succeed, fly, fly
again.’ ’’—Town Topics. j