The Kalida venture. [volume], April 04, 1845, Image 1

About The Kalida venture. [volume] (Kalida, Ohio) 1841-1865

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IE KALI BA; T BHTUBB
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Equal Laics Equal Rights, and Equal Burdens-r.'h'c Constitution and its Currency.
VOL. V. NO. 7.
KALIDA, PUTNAM COUNTY, OHIO, FRIDAY, APRIL 4, 1815.
WHOLE NO. 215.
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POETRY.
Choice passages from Byron.
There is no hope for nations! Search the pago
Of many thousand yeare the dnily scene,
The flow and ebb of ench rrcurrinsr nee,
The everlasting to be which hath been,
Hnth tttueht us naujrht or Utile: s'ill we lean
On things that rot beneath our weight, and wear
Our strength away in wrestlintr with the oir ;
For 'tis our nature strikes us down: t'le bocsts
Slaughter'd in hourlv hecatombs for feasts
Are of as high an order thev must go
Even where their driver goads them, though to
slaughter.
Ye men, who pour your blood for kines as water,
wnat have tuey given your cnutircn in return;
A heritage of servitude and woes.
A blindfold bondage, where your hire is Mows.
What! do not yt the red-hot ploughshares burn,
U'er which you stumoie in a talse oruenl,
And deem this proof of lovnltv tho reali
Kissing the hand tint guides you to your fears,
And glorying as you tread tho glowing lm?
All that your sires hnv- l"ft vou, nil tint Time
Bequeaths of free, and Hisrorv of uMim",
Spring from a different theme! Ye see and read.
Admire and sigh, and then succumb and bleed!
Save the few spirits, who, despite of nil.
And worse than all, the sudden crrncseng',ndor'd
By the down thundering of the prison-wall.
And thirst to swallow the tweet water temler'd.
Gushing from Freedom's fountains when the
crowd,
Matldcn'd with centuries ef drought, aro loud,
And trample on each othr to obtain
The cup which brings oblivion nf a chain
Heavy and sore, in which long yoked they
plough'd
The sand, or if there sprung the yellow grnin.
'T was not for them, their necks wero too much
bow'd,
And their dead pnlatrs chew'd the cud of pain :
Yes! the few spirits who, despite of deeds
Which they abhor, confound nm with the cause
Those momentary elans from Nnturc's laws,
Which, like the pestilence and earthquake, smite
But for a term, then puss, end leave tho earth
With all her seasons to repair the blipht
With a few summers, and agnin put forth
Cities and generations fair, wbrn frc
For, Tyranny, there blooms no bud forthec!
The name of Commonwealth is past and gens
O'er the three fractions of the rrroaning globo;
Venice is crushed, and Holland deigns 10 own
A sceptre, and endures the purple robe;
If the free Switzor yet bestrides alone
His chainless mountnins, 'lis but for a time,
For tyranny of lute is cunning grown,
And in its own good season tramples down
The sparkles of our ashes. One great clime,
Whose vigorous offspring by dividing ocean
Are kept apart and nursed in the devotion
Of Freedom, which their fathers fousht for, and
Bequeathed a heritage nf heart and band.
And proud distinction from each other land.
Whoso sons must bow them at a monarch's motion,
As if his senseless sceptre were n wand
Full of the magic of exploded science
Still one great clime, in full and free defiance,
Yet rears her crest, unronqucr'd and sublime,
Above the far Atlantic! She has taught
Her Esau-brethren that the hnushtv ling,
The floating fence.of Albion's feebler crag,
May strike to those whose red right hands have
bought
Rights cheaply earn'd with blood Still, still, for
ever
' Better, though each man's lifo blood were a river,
That it should flow, and overflow, than creep
Through thousand lazy channels in our veins,
Damm'd like the dull canal with locks and chains,
And moving, as a sick mnn in his sleep.
Three paces, and then filtering: better be
Where the extinguished Soartans still aro free,
In their proud charnel of Thermopylae,
Than stagnate in our marsh, or o'er the deep
Fly, and one current to tho ocean add,
One spirit to the souls our fathers had,
One freeman more, America, to thee!
MISCELLANY.
A Tale of Training.
Or a Chapter of the Adventures of the Mas
sachusetts Militia.
Nobody up and down tho country was
equal to Josh Beanpole, of Ryo. IIo grew
up faster than a hop-vino or a string-bean.
Ho was a man beloro lie knew 11, and being
told of it, gave himself such aits that he
was thought quite the thing ly all the gills ten
miles round. IIo was an absolute dandy, il
such a thing could be, among tho woods.
He was tho foremost in nil husking-parlies,
quillings, house warmings slcigh-ridcs, and
scrapes of all colors, wore an eel-skin queue
and a ruffled shirt on Sundays, and so by
hook and by crook got into s.ich favor with
tho feminine gender, that lis might nlmosi
have taken his pick out of the whulo town.
There was not ono who would have said no
to such a gallant, gay Lothario as our Josh,
xcept one, but as tho duvil would have it,
she happened to bo the very one Josh wanted
to get.
There is no accounting for the whims of
a woman, so we shall not nttempt to assign
the cause why Nancy Crablree turned tip
tier nose at Josh Beanpole. Certain it is
that Josh stuck to her 1 ko a burr, without
any effect. She carried her head Irg'i, look
ed askew, and gave Josh the go-by whenever
he attempted to bo familiar.
Some thought that she looked upon Josh
with all his accomplishments to be no great
shakes. Others thought she hud set her
cap for the patson of the parish. There
might have been somo truth in this last sup
position, for when the parson to her grcui
surprise, married the widow Sty, Nancy be
gan to relent, and Josh began to see a change
and found himself getting in to f.ivor. He
laid siege to her heart with redoubled ardor,
and the whole town at last thought it would
be a match. Still she was now and then a
little offish, and Josh was sharp sighted en
ough to see that he must cast about for some
uncommon expedient to pu3h his suit.
"The girls," thought he, " aro fond of ti
tles and show and parade Nancy would
have snapped up with the parson to a dead
ctrtainty now if I can get to be a captain
of the militia,! shall come offconqusrer. If she
turns up her noso at me then, tho devil is in
her."
So Josh set about intriguing for the office,
and as tho actual incumbent had been for
several years somewhat cramped with iho
rheumatism, and unable to march faster than
common time, or carry his body nearer to a
peipendicular than forty-five degrees, peo
ple began to think ho had served his country
long enough. Without much d'fficulty he
was prevailed upon to rr sign. Josh set him
self up for a candidate for the office, and hav
ing opened a grocery store, came in by an
unanimous vote, for it is a standing maxim
in the country, that tho best man in the
world for a militia captain is a grocer or a
tavern keeper. Now was Josh near the com
pletion of his wishes. A Captain! who
could resist a rnptaiu! But little did lie
think that the very stick which ho look up
to help him over tho ditch would itself
knock him into the mud! However; let us
not autic'piio tho catastrophe of tho story.
In order to begin the campiign with un
common splendor, Josh determned upon a
sham tight; there is nothing liko a sham
fight for all lovers of military glory; nothing
like a sham fight for all lovers of fun and
frolic up and down tho country. It was im
mediately noised abroad, and great prepara
tions were made in ull quarters fur witness
ing tho grand show to be made by the Rye
company and their new captain. Josh had
bespoken a bran new uniform of blue, turn
ed out with ye llow flannel, and it was thought
would cut such a dash, and make such n
flaming appearance as to steal the heart of
every girl who was made of penetrable stuff.
Josh was not a whit .behind anybody in the
confidence of his hopes. " By the hokey!"
said lie, ns ho looked at himself in his regi
mentals, " if this don't take the stinshin.
out of her eyes, she's harder than hickory."
At last tho long expected day came; and
what a flocking, and crowding, and bustling
there was, the Tkc had not been known in
those parts " within the nicmoiy of the oldest
inhabitant." Such throngs of jolly damsels
and old grannies; such crowds of every ago,
sex and condition; such a rattling of chaises,
and carls, and wagons; such an array of
booths and tents, ind extempore retailing
shops; such a show of gingerbread, sugar
plums and molasses candy! There was no
end to the wonders and tho novelties which
this grand occasion brought into display.
Josh marched his company up and down with
great eclat and though they did not display
a perfect regularity of uniform, and were
unable exactly to keep timo in marching, yet
they were pronounced to have an uncom
monly martial appearance.
According t the plan previous drawn up,
tho sham fight was to represent the capture
of Lord Comwallis, at Yorktown, and a spa
cious pigslye on tho sals of a hill was fixed
upon to be tho scene of the conflict. The
wooden walls of this formidable dwelling
wore accordingly cleared of the swinish
multitude, and by the help of a few plank
and raftcts metamorphosed into the fortifica
tions of Yorktown, Josh placed half of his
company under Lieutenant Shuto in the
pigsiye, to act as tho British army under
Lord Cornwall's, whilo ho himself in the
character of General Washington took the
command of the besieging army. The
wholo plan of tho attack, defeuco and sur
lender, was as follows:
Lord Comwallis was to open the cam
paign by detaching half a platoon of his for
ces under Corporal Shinbutlou to forage in
Deacon Stylo's cabbage garden. These, on
being attacked by General, Washington's ad
vance guard, who wero to form a corps of
observation at the Hole in tho Wall, wero to
retreat across Dobson's Folly and Mud lane
till they reached Turkey Cock's Vengeance,
where they wore to make a stand and recsive
a reinforcement from Yorktown; whereupon,
the American advance guard wero to com
mence a retreat, and bo hotly pursued by tho
British across 1 tg s Hun and Long I wistcd
Boggcry till they reached Dog's Misery,
where the main army, under Oenoral Wash
ington in person, was to be stationed. Here
Corporal Shinbutton was to receivo a check
and draw off his forces, leaving behind all
his baggage, consisting of two knapsacks of
bread and cheese. 1 ho whole American
army was then to take up the lino of inarch
and proceed in three columns through Widow
McQuirk's cow pasture and Shrunk Slab's
orchard, till they arrived at Deacon Style's
cabbage garden, where they were to debouch
and prepare for tho grand attack. Tho as
suit was to bo inado by tho main body, un
der General Washington, while a detach
ment of five men, under Sergeant Doolittlc,
wero to ma'ioiuv o upon the enemy's flank
and storm his outworks, consisting of a cou
ple of haycocks. Hereupon tho enemy
was to beat a pailey, and Lord Comwallis
was to dispatch a flag of truce to General
Washington to treat of a surrender, but the
two generals not agreeing about the terms,
the action was to be renewed, and a sharp
filing wasto be kept up as long as the ammu
nition held out. At this time, finding the
fortune of the day going against him, Gene
ral Washington was to put himself at the
head of tho troops and lead them on at the
point of tho bayonet. Tho detachment
above mentioned having possessed them
selves of the enemy's hay cock outworks,and a
ravelin and half moon mado by a pile of logs,
wero to pour in a galling fire and enfilade
the whole tenaillo of tho enemy's works.
Taking advantage of this, General Washing
ton was to enter the intrenchments sword in
band, when the enemy was to hoist a white
flag, and tho surrender of tho pigstyc was to
toitow.
Certainly Josh Beanpole's general orders
were drawn up as well us any of Bona
parte's bulletins. I he plan of the cam
paign was excellent, and not a man on iho
ground but would have belted ten to one
that Josh and his army would carry the pig
styc, but by tho strangest chance in the
world it turned out that Count O'Riely did
not take Algiers, but Algiers took him.
Tho rival armies took their stations, and
tho battle began. Immense crowds flocked
around the scene of action, nil wrapt in
wonder and breathless with curiosity to
v'cw the great spectacle of the capture of
i ot mown. All eyes wore turned upon Ge
neral Washington, tho hero of this eventful
day. Josh did really cut a most gallant fig
uro at the head of the American army on
iIim occasion. His dazzling regimentals
with their show of brass buttons and yellow
baize shono out among the general officers
of tho stuff, liko the muiidian sun among the
stars. His enormous chf npcau surmounted
with a bunch of cockerel feathers a yard in
height, caused him to loom up from the rank
and file of tho army like ono of Don Quix
ote's giants, whilo his legs being incased
in n monstrous pair of new cow-hide boots
that came a foot and a half above his knees,
imparled a most imposing military stiffness
to h's gait, "General Washington! Gene
ral Washington!'1 exclaimed every tongue,
and every one ngiced that
Take him for all in all
They ne'er should look upon bis like again.
The old men gaped and wondered, the
old women did the same, the boys shouted
and marveled, the girls looked on, stared and
admired. Josh Beanpole never appeared so
ii res'sl ille before; Nanco was absolutely de
lighted, and every body thought she was
positive done for.
The first pait of the plan of operation suc
ceeded to admiration. The American scouts
discovered the British just in the nick of
lime, and tell upon them at the moment
when they were about to make a terrible ha
voc among Deacon Style's cabbages. The
retreat was ably managed and the marching
and countermarching executed without any
other mishap than the loss of a corporal and
two privates who got stuck in the mud at
Long Twisted Boggery; and a little, pursy,
ducklegged drummer who fell into Peg's
Run and was taken up for lipsey. The
grand attack commenced, the outworks were
carried by assuult. Tho American army
pressed torward, Oeneral Washington flour
ished his sword and exclaimed " On! on!
my brave boys." Lord Comwallis mounted
the ramparts of the citadel and thundered
defiance at the assailants. Bang! bang!
went the guns, Huzza! huzza! shouted the
spectators. The musketry roared again, the
drums beat a terrible gcnerale. tho sky was
rent with shouts and shrouded in smoke.
Sure never did pigstye present a scene so
sublime before.
But just at this moment all the spectators
were si ruck with surprise at observing an
uncommon appearance in Yorktown. The
firing suddenly ceased and the whole garri
son fell instantly into n most singular confu
sion; presently Lord Comwallis came tumb
ling over the w.ills of the pigstye with his
wholo staff at his heels, and the rrnk and
file of the garrisons after them hurly-burly,
pell rncll, scampering off like mad. Every
bodv stared and was struck with astonish
ment. But wc must go buck for a moment
to explain the causo of this.
This same p:gs'ye, ns wo said before, was
cleared of its tenants a day or two previous,
and ino pigs shut up in another enclosure.
It so happened that an obstinate, surly old
sow, not liking her new quarters, contrived
to get loose early on tho morning of the bat
tic. After rooting about the fields and
stuffing herself with a monstrous meal, she
trudged instinctively back to her old dwell
ing where she got in unobserved whilo every
body was absent at dinner. There she sntig
gbd away in a dark Coiner and fell fust as
leep. But the roaring of tho musketry and tho
rolling of tho drums and shouting of the
multitude and the tramping up and down of
Lord Comwallis and his soldiers upon the
citadul at Yorktown, at length aroused the
snoring animal, mid sho opened her eyes
with u most significant grunt, wondering
what could keep this dreadful pother o'er her
head. Getting up and poking her snout in
the open air, she found her piaceful domicil
filled with men of war making such a rack
et and tantair.i as were enough to drive any
bog in tho universe crazy.
No hog could be more hoggish than the
one of which wc speak. Shu was as cross
grained, snappish and malicious a piece of
pork as the country for ten miles round
could show; and more than that sho was of
about four huudrcd pounds weight. In an
instant, she sprang among tho enemy, und
knocked down a plattoon of them before nny
one was aware of the now assailant. The
next instant she butted an aide de camp out
at tho sally port, and give Lord Cornwullis a
grip in the rear at the slack of his pantaloons,
which ruined thnt portion of his regimentals
forever and aye. His Lordship sprang over
tho walls in a jiffy without wailing for his
suite, and the whole garrison was put to the
rout in tho twinkling of an eye. Some
threw themselves over the ramparts, others
climbed upon the bastion, others scuttled oil'
to the half moon; the fierce animal mean
while rooted hither and thither among them,
knocking down, and biting, and scratching
and kicking at a most terrible me. Those
who could not get out in season were ob
liged to turn upon tho assailant by beating
her with the butt end of their muskets.
Dire was tho confusion! Tho soldiers bela
bored the porker and Iho poiker bummelled
the soldiers, bit their legs, tumbled them
down and trampled thorn under fool. Chaos
was come again! Tho soldiers roared and
shouted tho old sow squealed in triumph
tho walls ot tho pigstye trembled with the
ckmour the bastions come tumbling down
the citadel shook to its foundations, kicks.
cuffs, thwacks, bangs, blows, pokes, hits,
torestrokes and backstrokes prevailed; shout
ing, screaming, yelling and grunting filled
tho air! Tho walls tumbled down, and the
old sow came scampering down the hill at a
gallop after tho routed army!
This happened at the very instant in which
General Washington had put himself at the
head of the army to lead on the attack. He
was flourishing his sword in a mnst fierce
and martial attitude, when the furious ani
mal took him between the legs and carried
him off at a full gallop. His new cowhide
boots so stiffened him at the knees that he
was kept astrido of tho animal's back with
out tho power to throw himself off. Away
went General Washington extemporaneously
mounted without saddle or bridle, with his
head to the rear, and grasping tho tail of
his steed with as tight a grip as bis muscles
could exert. In an instant he broke through
the centre of his own line, put the corps dr-
reserve to the rout, and in ten seconds was
among the thickest of the throng of specia
tors, knocking down all before him, frinhten
ing tho females out of their wits, breaking
horses loose, overturning caits and tables
loaded with apples, mils, cakes, bottles, de
canters and glasses, and making such de
vastation as never had been witnessed since
time was. Tho multitude scrambled to
save thcm-elvcs and pushed Ono another
down in tho attempt. Tho whole field was
in a hurlyburly. Josh and his steed eallon-
cd off and havo not been heard of since.
Nance was married last week to corporal
Spiubultor, who is now captain. He has
just arrived in Boston as a member-of the
General Court, and was seen at a millinct's
in Washington street yesterday cheapening
a new uonnet.
Leahna Tkade. How often do we hear a
middle aged man say, " I wish I hud learned
a trade." Why do they express the wish?
Because they see the mechanics obtain good
livings and prosper around them. Just look
around your own neighborhood. Who are
suffering the least from poverty? Mechanics.
Is not your wealthiest neighbor a mechanic?
Yet strange to say, many young men will
not learn trades they wish for more respect
able business. They don't wish to gash
the ir hands by edged tools, or lay bare their
skins by machineiy. Nay more if they go
to trades, they will soil their hands, brown
their skins and bu obliged to wear coarse
clothing. And some parents are unwise en
ough to permit their sons to live as they
please and continually run themselves into
debt. How frequently do too indulgent pa
rents say, my boy is loo weakly to work at a
trade. The fact is a little daily labor would
help such a body materially. This hatred
of a hand saw, a sledge hammer, a printing
press, or a last, is not tho thing. Unless
more boys arc put to trades, or on farms, in
a few years, every city, town and village in
the Union will be crowded with ruffled shir
ted and starched up clerks, doctors, lawyers.
ministers and paupers. Now, in all con
science, we have too many by one half such
characters, who arc sucking the life-blood
from the community.
.(I I . 1 . ..
a nouieman one uay vuiteu a lawer at his
office in which at the samo time was a bla
zing fire, which led him to exel lim, H Mr.
,your office is us hot as an oven." "So
it should be, my lord," replied the lawyer," as
it is here I make my bread."
A musical lady having exerted her powers
for the amusement of the company to the
highest satisfaction ot all, received tho fol
lowing ambiguous compliment, fioin a gentle
man present. "Your singing, Miss, makes
you appear a delicious screecher," (a delici
ous creature.)
Liberty is to the colicctivo bodv what
health is to every individual body. Without
health no pleasure can be tasted by man
without liberty, no happiness can bo enjoy
ed by society.
A man should never bo ashamed to own'i
he has been in the wrong, which is but saying
in other words that ho is. wiser to-day than
ho was yesterday.
Petrifaction-, It is said that in Iowa .the
petrifying power of the soil is most remarka
ble. The body of a woman, after having been
buried five years, is found to have changed
to stone, so as to be broken like mar
ble. Birds, insects, and many other strange
things are found to have petrified in the same
region.
03r"Here boys, I have four apples to di
vide between three of us, so there aro two
for you two, and two for me toe.11
The Oregon Territory.
Continuation of the extracts font Dr. Jlunran't Speech.
But, sir, if additional title bo necessary,
wo have it. We have a title by purchase..
I hao briefly traced up tho Spanish discove
ries of the Pacific coast, and have shown
whnt tho wholo history of tho matter shows
that is, if any naliou on earth had a high
er claim to the wholo lino of tho Pacific, to
the Russian dominions, than tho Amsricans,
it was the Spaniards; and wo purchased all
the right, title, and interest, which Spairi
and Franco possessed, from the 42d dprroa
pf notth latittido ns fir north on tho Pacific
as tho Russian boundaries. Thcso pur
chases wero called " the Florida and the
Loui ianu purchases! Tho boundaries of
all tho possessions of Franco and Spain in
North America were fixed and settled before
thcso purchases wero made, by conventions
and treaties between Spain and Great Bri
tain, Franco and Great Britain, France and
Spain, Spain and the United Slates, 'and
Franco and tho United States; in conformity
with thoso settlements, tho purchases of
Louisiana and Florida wero made, and the
boundaries fixed and secured to the United
States, and by which tho United States ac
quires all title, I repent, to whatever Spain
or France or cither of them, possessed, ei
ther by purchase, exchange, or discovery, to
any and ull tho country embraced within the
Oregon Territory. Once for all, we own by
purchaso whatever Spain owned of Oregon.
Spain's right, by discovery, was superior to
that of Great Britain, and our title is superior
to both, end indisputable.
Did wo take possession of and occupy
Oregon within tho timo prescribed by tho
laws of nations? In May, 17U2, Gray en
tered the Columbia river. In 1802, Thomas
Jefferson called tho attention of the Ameri
can Congress to tho exploration of the Ore
gon Territory, und appropriations were mado
for tho purpose; and in 1803, on expedition
was ordered, under the direction of Lewis
and Clark. Tho plan was to ascend the
Missouri river, from its mouth to its source
in the Rocky mountains; cross the moun
tains, and descend the Columbia river, from
ftsinain source to tho Pacific ocean. All
this was accomplished with unexampled dif
ficulty and danger. The expedition quarter
ed near the mouth of the Columbia river
during tho winter During their stay they
traded with the natives; and at their depart
ure they gavo certificates of their visit and
of their exploration, stating that they Vera
sent out by their government, the government
to which they belonged, and sucli other
statements as wero necessary to convice all
others who might come after them of the ob
ject of tho expedition. They also placed a
paper on tho inner wall of their temporary
forthwith the following inscription, viz:
" The object of this last is, that through the
medium of some civilized person, who may see
the same, it may be made known to the world
that the party, consisting of the persons whoso
names nrc hereunto annexed, and who were sent
out by the government of tho United States to ex
plore the interior of the continent of North Amer
ica, did penetrato tho same by the way of the)
Missouri and Columbia rivers, to tho discharge
of the latter into the Pacific ocean, where they
arrived on the 14th day of November, 1835, and
departed on the23J day of March, 183G, on their
return to the United States, on the saino route by
which they had come out."
Then sir, wo discovered Oregon in May,
1792; wo explored and occupied it in 1805
'o.
In 1808, there was an association formed
at St. Louis, headed by a man by the name
of Manuel Lisa, (:i Spaniard,) called the
Missouri Fur Company. This company es
tablished somo trading posts on tho Upper
Missouri, and ono oil tho head waters of (ho
Columbia, one of the main branches of the
Columbia, called Lewis's river, and which
is also called the southern branch of the Co
lumbia; but tho hostility of the Indians, and
tho great difficulty of procuring provisions,
compelled the company to abandon that
post.
In 1810, John Jacob Aslor, a distinguish
ed and wealthy citizen of New York, form
ed nn association for tho purposes of trade
and commerce within to, and from tho Ter
ritory of Oregon. All the necessary prepa
rations were made for an extensivo and suc
cessful business. Ilis companv, officers and
agents were sent to, and landed in, Oregon,
near tho mouth of tho Columbia river. A
number of posts wore established, and tem
porary fortifications erected, and all in a fair
way to bo successful. The principal post
was located near iho mnut'i of tho Columbia
liver, and was called Astoria. Tho associa
tion continued its pursuits for two years and
a half that is, from March, 1811, until Oc
tober, 1813; at which time tho association
was broken up, and ull ihc materials and
stock of furs, &c., were sold to tho North
west company, as was said, to prevent them
from falling into the hands of the British
cruisers which wero daily expected.
They wero not disappointed in their ap
prehension; for in December following, tho
Raccoon, a British sloop-of-war, arrived at
Astoria aiid took possession: took down tho
American flag and hoisted the English flag,
and changed tho name to that - of Fort
George. And that was the first possesion
that the British had of tho Columbia river or
any part of Oregon which could conflict with
our discovery or possession; and that posses
sion was but short lived, for, after the estab
lishment of peace, the possession of .Asto
ria, together with all our possessions in Ore
gon, were restored to the United States
through our agent, J. B. Provost, a followsj
" la obedience to the. commends sf his Roy(