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1 VOLUME XXIII. WOODSFIELD, MONROE COUNTY, OHIO. JULY 17, 1800.. NUMBER 20 '?1II31 SPIRIT i ' 4 - h S . !1! Hi i' THE SPIRIT OF DEMOCRACY. Published Every Tuesday. TERMS .OF SUBSCRIPTION: Two dollars per annum,invarlably In advance- : J 0 B PR IN TING . Executed with' neatness and 'dispatch at this office, and at reasonable prices. 1 c;; terms, of advertising; '. One square, three weeks. ........... '.$2 00 One square, three months ......,.... 3 00 One square, six months .............. 5 00 One square, nine months . ; . . , ', , , ... 6 QO One square, twelve months....... .... 8 00 One-fourth column, one year'.";. .30 00 One-half column, one year;..... .....40 00 One column, qneyear ............. ..70 00 " CTTwelve ILies, or less, will he charged as ne square... .- ' -; 0A11 legal advertisements will be charged cy me line. . .- -. O Notices of the appointment of Ad-JSJ t'T minl3trator's : and Executor's; also JJ ty Attachment .Notices, two dollars, in .gj Pro f ess 10 nal 0 ards; V- : w-r-r JB.. W. BAXEB... , , . , ......... ,.T. O. CASTLB. K E R &' CASTLE, V 1 J3UTISTS ; -7 . .: '.: puce, Main Street, above Fostoffice. ALL worfc done on short notice, at reason able -rates, in the best ef style and war. ranted to give satisfaction Call and try our tooth, powder, for cleansing ' and preserving the teeth. ;TKEm Extracted Wrraorr Pais. t : Woodsfleld, Ohio, May 29-m6. , ; -. . ' 0. W. GITHEFS. . . , .J. H. FEBQPS05 GIT HENS & FERGUSON TVSOLESALK SEXLESS IS r . :V'. Paints. Varnishes. Druss. - -. OlLS.'!DYEBTUFFB. P'.'i IT i ?N ; T : MKED'I c I n e s . t ' BJRXElSriLLE; OHIO. i Sole agents for the unrivalled Weutb Leads ?'Etna,'?.St. Nicholas" and "Winsor.' r:. ! BpT291y.: w.Vj'A' f "- r.' Dr. W. T, SI3TCI.AIR, TTAYINGr resumed the practice of JLJLMedicine, tenders . hia Profes sional services ' to the citizens of WoolsScld and vicinity. : , ' - Cjesience- one Store.''' " , : ;'.'' door North , of Driggs' 11. D. KISS , .K. J. MAK5ISG iS ' Attorneys at Law; !:-: ' B A R N E S V I LL E , Q H 1 0 . j"pwial attention paid to collections4m6 . J. TT. SKATf N02r,r : : Attorney . at : Law RELLAIRE, BELMONT CO OHIO. fsbl 4 - " '. . " '. "T " B. MOERIS. ............. JOHJ B. WAT. t'-.j--:3IORMS & WAY, ' A ttorneys & Counsellors ... '.' v. Al iiAW,i .-v tVoodsfield, Monroe County, ; Ohio, JO- Office, oyer Walton's New Store. April 20, 1864. :, ; -n '; , , s - J. 0. AKOS.. ............ .. ....I. P. EPEIQGS. AJIOS & SPI1IGGS, 'Attonieya and Counsellors at Law, WOODSFIELD. OHIO. . OrFiCB Up stairs in the old Bloomer ;AprU26, 1855. '. " . : ;:fy ; - f t: V ' "1 ' . ' ' ' "'"1111 1 1 ' ' - I' JACOB T. JIOERIIA, Attorney & Counsellor at Law K 0 TAR Y PUBLIC, Ctarington, 3fonroe, County 0.- tTTILL promptly and faithfully attend to V I business entrusted to his ' care. : Com promise and amicable adjustment always first ought, and litigation used only as the last rtsort. , .- . ; ...... ; : Oct. 31, '60.; Woodsfield Marble Works. ?J NICKOLAUS WAGENHEIM, ' -' ? Successor to D. Neuhart & Co.) ; ' w 0 oDSFiEtD ;.; o n i o , ISprepared tofurnish v " !" .' ; -; TOMB STONES, . ' .-.'. rr--r . .:-TABLE TOPS,. ., ' . , MANTLES, nd every thing else in the marble line. . Shop tiro doors seuthof the post offlc. --.febHSS. , NICKOLAUS WAGENIIEIJI. THE EAGLE HOUSE. G. ECITATJB, i : SARD I S i 1 : Proprietor .OHIO;' THE. proprietor gives notice' to his' old friends, and the public in general, that lie has enlarged and refurnished his house, nd is now prepared to accommodate all who will give him a call. ., J.G. SCHAUB. Junel9m2. " ' . - 1 WANTEDI ' 575 to Celebrated . Agents. " Mile and Female at $150 per month to sell the ? ,C OMM ON "SEN S E Fainily- S c w i n g Machine. r . Price 18.00 This Machine will do all kinds of work eg.ua to the high priced Machines, and is the only practical and reliable Cheap Sewing Machine in the world. Bead for descnptive Circulars Address j HCOHB & CO., Chicago, 111., or Cleveland,0 rrinc'Jpal Ofico," No.3 Custom -House Place. Chicago I1L mar271y. S m TIIE LOiYG AGO. 0, a wonderful stream is the river of Time, As it floats through the realm of tears, - With a faultless rhythm and a musical rhyme, And a broader sweep and & surge sublime, As it blends in the ocean of years. . How the winters , are driftinir like flakes of ' snow, .; . . : . :, And the summers like birds between, w And the years in the sheaf: how thevcome """'' and they go" ;"; ' - 1 On the rirer's brea3t, with its ebb and flow, As it' glides in the shadow and sheen.' There is a maeical isle no the river of Time. Where the softest of airs are playing; There's a cloudless sfty and a tropical clime, And a song as sweet as a vesper chime, ' ' And the Junes with the roses are straying. And the name of the isle is the Long Ago, ' And we bury our treasures there ' here are brows of beauty and bosoms of . snow; . , ' There are heaps of dust 0, we loved them so; And there are trinkets and tresses of hair! There are fragments of song that nobody sings, And parts of infants' prayerst : . - here's a lute unswept, and a harp without strings; , ;'. , ... . There are broken rows and pieces of rings, - And garments our dead used to wear. There are hands that are waved when the fairy shore :-' . -: '' By the mirage is lifted in air; ' And sometimes we hear, through the turbu lent roar, '..J'''' '' ' Sweet voices we heard in the days gone before, When the wind down the river Is fair. 0! remembered for aye. be that blessed isle, All the day of life till night; . When the evening glows with its beautiful 7: smile, . ; " - , ' .. . And our eyes are closing in slumber awhile, ' May the greenwood of soul be in sight. Serious Joke One of the most serious jokes we ever heard of was perpetrated bj a djing wo man upon her husband. It seems he was harsh,. unfeehDg -brute, and. when any thing unpleasant occurred in the course f their life, he was in the habit of say- in to the humble .partner 01 hisioys, "There, haDg you, there's & nut for you to crack." - At last the hand of death was upon the poor, miserable woman, and with bier latest breath she summoned her hus band, and told him that although she had striven to do right in nearly all case?, yet an "open confession was good for the oul," and she wished to tell him that on- one of the blooming, daughters that had been their pride, beJoDged to him.; lhe husband was confounded. "Which is mine?" he exclaimed, aghast .. "Ahl" said the dying woman, ''there is a nut for you to crack;" and turning away her face immediately expired, . leaving me poori husband and father 1a a state of bewil derment as to which one of his supposed offspring it was his duty to discard, and wmcu u recuguizo. , - , , :. A Fact Worth Printing. At a second class hotel, in Frankfort, Ky., a few days since,a little girl entered the bar-room,and in pitiful tones told the bar-keeper that her mother had sent her there to get eight cents. .- "Light cents? said the bar-keeper. , "Yes, sir." .. "What does your mother want of eight cents? - I don t owe her anything." "Well," said the child, "father spends all his money here for rum, and we have had nothing to eat to-day. Mother wants to buy a loaf of bread." - ... . A loafer- suggested to the bar-keeper to kick the brat out. r . - "No,", said the bar-keeper, "I'll give her mother the money; and if her father comes back again, 1 11 kick him out. Such a circumstance never' happened before, and may never happen again. Hu manity owes that bar-keeper a vote 0 thanks. ' , ; Saving Geeasb and Making Soap. In order to keep grease clean and sweet during the summer run off some lye, and boil it down until it will eat a feather, put into it. then uut it down in iron or other vessel, and throw your meat rinds and scraps thereinj When you make your soap, boil down lye as before, put it in an iron kettle, add thisr grease.with oth er if you have it, and let it boil and stir occasionally. . In order to test the pro portions of grease and lye, take some out i-i.:i..2--i ?. 1 -1 in a aisn, , iei it cuui, .ana 11 11 aoes uui get hard, your soap, needs more boiling The experienced can test the pretence 0 too much lye by its keen bite; and its ab sence.vice versa,by a touch of the tongue A half day is time enough' ordinarily to make a kettle of soap, which, when done should cut out liken gingerbread. Cor, (jermantotcn leuyraph. - : - ; A gentleman,residiiig near Boston drew the attention, of the Town Counci to a slough in the road, as a nuisance.bu no notice was taken ef it.' One day he found, to his amusement, that two Coun cillors had walked into it by accident,and were floundering about in the mire, when he addressed them thus: "Gentlemen the Town Council of Boston: I have of ten petitioned' to your honorable body against this slough, but I never had any . . . auenuon paid to . my petition. 1 now come forth to express my delight to sea you at hBt moving in the matter." The Reward of Courtesy. A TRUE ACCOUNT. A few years since, on a radiant spring afternoon, two men, who from their con versation appeared to be foreigners, stop ped before the gate of one of the large workshops in Philadelphia for thi manu facture of locomotive engines. Entering a small office, the elder of the two men inquired of the superintendent in attend ance if he would permit him to inspect the works. ., . "j- " You can pass in'and look about if you please," said the superintendent, vexed apparently at being interrupted in the pe rusal of his newspaper.' He scanned the two strangers more closely.' They were respectably but plainly clad, and evident ly made no pretensions to official dignity of any kind. "Is there any - one who can show, us over the establishment and explain mat ters to U8?" asked Mr. Welf, the elder of the two strangers. "Yen must pick your own way, gentle-, men," replied the superintendent; "we are all too busy to attend every party that comes along. . I'll thank you not to -interrupt the workmen by asking ques tions. ' , - It was net so much the matter as the manner of the reply, that was offensive to Mr. Wolf and his companion. It was spoken with a certain , official assumption of superiority, mingled with contempt for the visitors, indicating a haughty and selfish temper on the part of the speak er. -' " -'' '' ' :.' ";-f :;' - i: ' . "I think we will not trouble you," said Mr. Wolf, bowing, and taking his com panion's arm they passed out. "If there is anything 1 dislike, it is incivility,'' said Mr. Wolf, when they were in the street. "I do not blame the man for not wishing to show us over the establishment; he is no doubt, annoyed and interrupted by many heedless visitors, but he might have dismissed us with courtesy. He might have sent us away better content with a gracious refusal than with an ungracious consent. "rerhaps, said the other stranger, we shall have better luct here, anu they stopped before another workshop of similar, kind.; They were received, by brisk little man, who in reply to their request to be shown ever the es tablishment answered, "0, yes! come with me, gentlemen.': This way." So saying, he hurried them along the area strewed with iron, brass, broken and rusty heels of iron, fragments of -old boilers and ylinders, into the principal workshop. . Here, without stopping to explain any one thing he led the strangers along witii the evident intention of getting rid of them as soon as possible. ' When they passed where the workmen were riveting the external casing of the boiler.the clerk ooked at his watch, tapped his 1 foot against the boiler,and showed other signs impatience, whereupon Mr. Wolf re marked: V we will not detain you any onger, sir, and with his friend took eave. . . - " . " . , ' -". ' "This man is an improvement on the other," said Mr. Wolf, "but all the civil ly he has is on the surface; it does not come from the heart.; We mustlook fu ther." ' .:v-;-:- - ' The strangers walked on for nearly a half-mile in silence, when one of them pointed to an humble sign, with a picture of a locomotive engine with a train of cars underneath. It overtopped a small building not more than ten feet in hight', communicating with a yard and workshop. "Look, said the observer, "here is a ma chinist whose name 'is not on our list. Probably it was thought too small a con cern for our purpose," said his' compan ion. ; "Nevertheless, let us try," said Mr. Wolf. " y,:- : - v Hhej entered, and found at the desk a middle-aged man whose somewhat grimy aspect and apron around his waist,showed that he divided his labors between the work-shop and the counting-room. - ."We want to look. over your works, 11 you have no objections," said Mr. Wolf. "It will give me great pleasure to show you all that is to be seen, said the me chanic with a pleased alacrity, ringing a bell, telling the bey who entered to take charge of the office. He then lea the. way, and explained to the strangers the whole process of con structing a locomotive engine. He show ed them how the various parts of the ma ehinery were manufactured, and patiently answered all their , questions, lie told them of. ank improved mode of tubing boilers, by which the power of generating steam was increased, . and showed with what care he provided for security from bursting. ; ' ' Two hours passed rapidly away. - The strangers were delighted with the intelli gence displayed by the mechanic, and with his frank, attentive and unsuspicious manners. . ; .. . "Here is a man who loves his profes sion so well, that hs takes pleasure in ex plaining its mysteries to all who can un derstand them,,J said Mr. Wolf, r : (tI am afraid we have given you a great deal of trouble' said the other stranger. -"Indeed, gentlemen, ! have. enjoyed your visit," said the mechanic, "and I shall be glad to sea you again." v ' '"PerhapB you may," said Mr. Wolf,and the strangers departed.' - - - Five months afterward, as the mechan ic, whose means were quite limited, sat in his office meditating how hard it was to get business by the side of such large es tablishments as were his competitors, the two strangers entered. He gave them a hearty welcome, handed chairs,and all sat down. : . f - . ' , . :;. . . "Wo come,", said Mr. Wolf, "with a proposition to yuu from the Emperor of Russia, to visit St. Petersburg.'!' "From the Emperor? Impossible!" "Here are your credentials," . "But, gentlemen," said the now agitated mechanic, "what does this mean? ' How have I earned such an honor?" "Simply by your straight-forward cour tesy and frankness, combined with pro fessional intelligence," said Mr. Wolf. "Because we were strangers you did not think it necessary to treat us with cool ness or distrust. You saw we were really interested ' in acquainting ourselves with your works, and you did not ask us, be fore extending to us your civilities, what letters of introduction we brought, You measured us by the spirit we showed? and not by the dignities we might have exhib ited." . . . ' : : ' The mechanic visited St. Petersburg, and soon afterward removed his whole es tablishment there. He had Imperial or ders therefor as many looomotive engines as he could construct. He has lately re turned to his own country, and is still re ceiving large returns from his Bussian workshop. . And all this prosperity grew out of his unselfish civility to two stran gers, one of whom was the secret agent of the Czar of Russia. - Ruling: Passion Strong; In Death. Old Boge was a miserly old fellow who had accumulated great wealth by life-long penuriousness. But even misers have to die some time, and old iSoge was at length called upon to pay that debt which all must pay, and which is paid as easily by the man who hasn t get a cent as by the possessor of millions. ; Old Boge was sick unto death, finding a partial recompenso in his - sufferings from the reflection that-if ho could not eat anything something was being saved. His physician told him his end was rapid ly approaching,and as he felt within him self that he was rapidly approaching his end, it, was evident to old Boge that he must meet his end very soon. , , "Now, how long have I to live?" asked old Bege, in a faint voice. ; .:.' "Only half an hour, said the physi- cian taking out bis .watcn in a business manner, and added, "is there any one you would like to send.for a clergyman, for instance?" ' " 1 : , Old Boge mused in a lethargic way for a moment, then started up as with a sud- den thought, raised his. feeble hand, and fAt nt lita emomaf Ai rJifn iinnn tVh I two week's growth of gray and stubbed beard had grown, then whispered hurri- edly:' . . "Quick bring me bring me a bar- ber. The barber came with his kit, and old Boge said in a voice that was rapidly I growing weaker: . .; . "lou charge ten cents to shave lve menr - .-'Yes, that is. our price," replied the barber. "What you charge rs shave dead men?- - . s "One dollar," said the barber, wonder- mg what he meant. . ' . "Then shave me quick," said old Boge, nervously eyeing the watch which the doctor held in his hand. He was too weak to speatc runner, Dut tne aoctor in-1 terpreted aright the question that was in his eyes. - - "fifteen minutes, replied the doctor, Old Boge made a feeble motion as with a lather brush, and the barber was at his work in a jiffy. He performed his task with, neatness and dispatch, and although the sick man had, several sinking spells of I an alarming nature, yet he bore ap to the end. .. When the last stroke of the razor was given, old Boge whispered in tones of satisfaction. - r. . - "xuab 11 u uiuciv ccuia oavou, and immediately expired. Tne Tables Turned. The following extract, from a private letter from Hemopohs. Alabama, ulus trates the new order of things in the South: A huge freedman appeared at the door of the office of the Freedmen's Bureau here one day last week, when the follow ing colloquy occurred: "I3 this the Bureau?" "Yes, sir." ; "I'se come to see about master," sab?" . "Verf well; what about your master?" "He's done gone run away, sah. Bin gone cince last Saturday; can't find him no whar, sah? Spec he's leff the country, sah: can t get no track or him no how. ', It appears he had been working 'for a man who had rented a plantation on shares, hiring hands,agreeingto pay them at the end of the year, and gstting badly "in the grass," owing to the late rains,be cams convinced he could not make much cotton, and decamped for parts unknown. There 13 likely to be more such inquiries next fall; as many irresponsible persons, farmers, overseers, and others, who never owned a toot ot land, are engaged in planting on similar terms. ' &"He is onlv ' a printer," was the sneering remark or . a leaaer in a circle 01 a 1 . . J 2 t it aristocracy of the codfish quality. Well, who was the Larl ot otannopef 'He was only a winter." What is Prince Frederick William, married to the Prin cess Royal of England? "He too, was only "a printer." Who was William Cax- ton, one of the lathers of literature? "He was only a printer." Who are Hor ace Greeley, George D. Prentice, Charles Dickens, M.i Thiers, Douglas Jerrold, Bayard Taylor, George P. Morris, J. Gales,5 C. Richardson. N. P. Willis, Sena tors Dix, Cameron and JNilesf They,too, were all printers. What wa3 Benjamin Franklin? A printer. Every one can not bo a printer, brains are necessary. FAIXT NOT. Young and eager student, toiling Toiling for a precious Btore, : ' Wisdom's richest golden treasures Faint thou not, but labor more. Though, 'mid visions of the future,' ' Gloomy doubts and fears arise, Faint thou not, but, working ever, , .: Reach the goal and win the prize.- Eager, bold aspirant, nobly ; ' ' '. Making hopes t fame thy quest, . - Others, see, are laurels gaining Faint hou not, but do thy best. " V What though painful be the striving 'Pale the eheefc and dim the eye? w, Fidnt thou not, the end is cheering; . . ' Thou shalt conquer by-and-by. Aged pilgrims, weakly toiling Down the thorny path of life Upward look, despairing never; . v .-, . Faint ye not, for short the strife! Weary wand'rers, with affliction - v ; ; Sadly burdened as ye. are, Soon your burden shall be lightened, . Make but Faith your guiding star. A . Yankee Trade. The other day we heard aircumstanco which really occurred, not. a hundred miles from Salem, that is worth relating: A certain farmer who, in the course of the year, purchased several dollar s worth of goods (and always paid for them) call ed at the store of a village merchaut -his regulas place of dealing with two dozen broom3, which he ottered for sale. The merchant who, by the; way, is fond of a good bargain, examined his stock, and said: ' .-' . "Well. Cyrus.I.will give you a shilling a piSce for your brooms." " . v . Cyrus appeared astonished at the oner, and quickly replied: . - v ; "Oh,-, no, John; I can t begin to take that for them, no how; but I'll let you have them for twenty cents a piece, and not a cent less. - , : j V "Cyrus, you are crazy," ; said John. "Why see here," showing a fine lot of brooms, "is an article a great deal better than, yours, . (which was true.) that cost me only twelve and a half cents." (Which was not true by seven and a half cents.-) "Don't care for that,"- answe.-ed Cyrus, "your brooms are cheap enough, but you can t have mine ferless than twenty cents, nn Tint " wi nrof Andinrr tn a mnr flinn half angry,he shouldered his brooms and started for the door. The merchant getting a little nervous' over the probaple loss of a good custom- er, and fearing he might go to another store and never return, said: ' "See here, Cyrus, hold on a while. If Jl give you twenty cents for your brooms, II suppose you will not object to tako, the price of them in goods.' "JSo, don t care if 1 do, replied Cy rus. . ... 'Well, then," said the merchant, "as you are an old customer, I will allow you twenty cents a piece lor this lot. Let me see, 20 times 24 makes 480 yes, $4 ;80. What , kind of goods will you havej Cy rus?" ' . -r . -; "Well, bow, John, I reckon it don't make cny ditrerence to you what sort of goods I take, does it? "Oh, no, not at all not at. all, said the merchant. ''Well, then: as it don't make any dif- ference to you, 111 take the -amount in them ere brooms of yourn at twelve and a half cents a piece. ' Let me see, four dollars and eighty cents will get thirty eight brooms and five cents over. It don t make much diherence about the .live cents, but as you are aright clever fellow, John, I guess I will take the change in ter- 1 uaua-tji. When Cyrus went out of the door with his brooms and 'terbacker,' John was seized with a serious breaking out ef the mouth, during which time, he was dia tinctiv heard to violate the third com- mandment several times, by the bystand: 7? ' it CUJV,J,CU kUC Ju-"uoV " Republican. A Learned Postmaster. A fw irpnrfl ncn n. nnstmftster was ir nn-ntB in fW.nn. P . who was 11 gentle. man of the "Old Schools :Entering up- on ib tpw rlnfips nf tha s'hifltiftTi -h fnrtfrom the stalk of the cotton plant. , It IS a time filled tho office' with dignity, and, to all appearance, with satisfaction. ;One day a large number of persons being in t.1, offi ft mnn AAllfid fnr a Utter, t.hfi ir,;;! nf til ia ot nam hoincrM Wliorn. upon the worthy postmaster took down a large number of letters,and looking them over said that there was no letter there; adding that all the letters nearly were for a Mr. P. M., and that he wished he wo d call and get them;' "for," said he, "I don't know what to do with them. I have liv ed in Canton for twenty-five years, and I never heard of a man by the name of P. M. yet. The roar that followed gave the P. M. an idea that there was some thing wrong. Bgi.Mankind may be diyided into three classes. ' 1. Those who .learn from expo- nence ot others tney.are happy men. 2. Those who learn from their own cxpe rience they are wise men. 3. Those who. neither learn from their own, nor the experience of other, people they ; are fOOlS. .. . -r .... . .. . BSA would be prophet, down South, lately said, in one of his sermons, "that he was Bent to redeem the world and all things. Whereupon a native pulled out a Confederate shinplaster and asked him to fork over the specie for it. jThere was once a man so intensely polite that as he passed a hen c I he said, "Don't rise, madam.". on her nest, Inclined to be Quarrelsome. There was once a little slim built fel low, rich as a jew, tiding along a highway in the State, of Georgia,when he overtook a man driving ,a drove of hogs,by the help, of a big raw-boned six.foot two specimen of humanity. Stopping' the last named individual, he accosted htm; . , t .' "I say, are those your hog's?'". ' "No, sir; I am at work by the month." ;:"What-pay might you. be gettiBg, friend?",:, .: . .. . ; . ; T "Ten dollars a month and whisky thrown in," was the reply ' "Well, look here! l'ra' a weak, little, inoffeusive man,' and people are apt to im pose upon , we, d'ye see.; ;Now . I'll give &u twenty-five dellars a month to ride along with me and protect me," said Mr. Gardner. , "But," he added, as a thought struck hirn 1how might you be on a fight?' "Never been - licked in my life," re joined the six footer. . "Just the man I want.- Is it a bargain?' queried Gardner. . .'.' . " . Six footer ruminated. , . " "Twenty-five dollars double wages nothing to do but ride around and smash a fellow's mug occasionally, when he is Sissy." . , '': . : y. ,Six footer accepted. ' They rode along, till just at night, they reached a village inn. I Gardner immediately singled but the biggest fellow in the room, and picked a fuss with him. After considerable pro miscuous jawing, Gardner turned to his fighting friend, and 'intimated that the whipping of that man had become a sad necessity. Six footer peeled, went in,and came out first best. . . .. . , .;. -y The next night, at another hotel, . ths same scene was re-enacted, Gardner get- ting into a row with the biggest ' man in the place, and six footer doing the fight ing. At last, on the third, day, they came to a ferry kept by a huge,double-fisted man, who had never been licked in his life. While crossing the river Gardner, a3 us ual, began to find fault and blow. The ferryman naturally got mad,threw things round and told him his opinion of their kind. Gardner. then turned to his friend and gently broke the intelligence to him "that he was sorry, but it was absolutely necessary to thrash the ferryman." - Six footer nodded his head, but said nothing. It was plainly to be seen that he aid not relish the job, by the way. he shrugged his shoulders; but there was no help for it. So, when "they reached the shore, both 6tripped, an d at it they went. the water, they fought, scratched,gougedt bit and rolled, till at the end of an hour, the ferryman gave 'in. : Six footer was triumphant, but it had been rough work. Going up to his employer, he scratched his head for a moment, and then broke forth "Look here, Mr. Gardner, your salary sets mighty wellbut I m of the opinion that you're inclined to be quar relsome. Here I've only been with you three days, and l ve licked the three big gest men in the country. ' I think we had better dissolve; for you see, Mr. Gardner, I'm afraid you re inclined to be quarrel n n n. n n J T .nl.An I'll rnTtr ' ' S?Some great, nastv, horrid man; in an insane moment, perpetrated the follow- ing siaoaer on womankma "uoa Diess them every one Woman s Will. Dip. the Atlantic ocean dry with a. teaspoon; twist your heel into the toe of your boot; make post masters perform their promises, and sub scribers pay the printer; send up fishin hooks with balloons and fish for stars; when the rain comes down like the . cata ract of Niagara, remember where you left your umbrella; choke a mosquito with a brickbat; in short, prove all things hith erto considered ; impossible, but never coax a woman to say , she "will," when she has . made up her mind to say she went." - v ' Heathen - of heathens you re - a . "no such thing.". Women are yielding, rea gonabIe not a bit obstinate, have no con- trary notions, never say .they "won't" ohl no; they are jU3t Church, and as gentle they are asleepl ; as good as tne as lambs when JEAn ingenious jc ankee in JNew.ur leans ta3 been enjaged in making thread very fine and strong.and looks very much like flax, being very soft and pliable. He PruPuacs iU uiaa'0 lura uu which he says will be as strong and dura ble as that mado from cotton itself. For ty pounds of thread can be made from 120 pounds of stalk. Anew factory will soon be established for the : manufacture of cloth from this substance This dis coverv is not a new' one. It has been known for several years that there was . ..... fibrous substance in the cotton stalk which very much resembles flax, but it has nev er before been put to practical use. Sho'd this prove successiui, it wiu ooudio ine value of the cotton plantations of the South. ; The next invention in order for the development of the South, is a meth od of making paper from sugar: cane stalks. Whoever does this ought to make afortune. - . Wanted, to. Marry, A. young man in Newport. Vt. wanted a wife badly.aad took a voung lady out to ride - After proceeding a few miles, he asked her " Will vou marry nier -lhe answer was short a it was sweet. ,fNo. sir." .Young man says, "Well, get out and go horns a foct. then." Tho young lady accepted his advice, and reached her home in safe ty. ' . : J . , ; jE3A"fiirt U Uke a dipper attached to 1-1 it; a pump, jvery one is ai uoeriy 10 arins from it, but no one wishes to carry it away. Snooks was advised to get his life in sured. - "Won't do it,",, said -he: 'I would be"my luck to live forever, if I should.;' ' . ; . Why are books the best friends? Be cause you can shut them up. without Abe" least effene, when they .bore you;, ; - At anval 'cour't-martial,latelyheld,the following dialogue is said to": have taken placed between one of the witnesses and the court: "Are you a Protestant?" 'No, Sir." ; "What are you then?". 'Captain of ,the foretop.'' . ..- . .-.1 ; . ' When does a burglar resembld vinegar? When ha is put n a, stone "jug.'" s - '' No man is wise or safe but he. that i honest..; , ... ; .' :..&, rl-t.'s.-i-.ii5i- ' A Bachelor up Penn street, 'Pittsburg. Pennsylvania, picked up r a thimble. He stood awhile meditating on the prob- -able beauty of. the owner, when he pressed it to" his lips, saying: 'Oh, that it were the fair cheek of the wearer!' Just a3 he had finished,a fat colored lady looked out of an upper story winydow, and said: "Boss, -jist please to frow dat fimble of. mine in dc entry, I jist "now drapt it.'" ' . - A Good Reason. A minister going to visit a sick parishioner, asked him how he hadrested during the night. "Ob,won drous ill, sir," replied he "for my eyes have not come together thise thrse nights.'" : . A' ' ' .. ., "What is the reason of thatr "said the other. , .' - -. ...v ; ' ; ! :l : , ' "Alas! sir," said the sick man 'becauso my nose was betwixt them." -1 v : . The bursting of the Petroleum Bank of Titusville has settled the question: !" Will petroleum explode?" -" " f- A poor man who had been ili,on being asked by a gentleman whether he had ta ken a remedy, replied, ".No, '1 amt tasen any remedy; but I have : taken lots' of : physic.' . . '-M l-k An urchin remarked' that' the princi ple branch of education in hia school wai the willow Iranch y . .-. ,1 r A bachelor, seeing the words "Families S upplied," over the door of a shop, step- . p ed in and said he, would take a wile and two children. ' ' " . :When Rabelais was on his 48ath-beof " a consultation- of phvsicians wascalleij "Dear gentleman,.' said the'wit to the doc tors,' raising his languid head,' ''let me die a natural:death." . ' - :--::. '" a " - . ",'' . ; -.---- " " r "' ' . ' f f. .' j ' -- . ; A fop of a fellow who . was sauntering about a country yillagesaw a pretty face at the window of a house near which a little boy was at play. "Bub," "said h "who is that fair lady looking out?' "Sis. "was the reply. ,"WiIl you tell me. if she is a maid or' a matron?" asked the . exquisite. : "She is a tailoress," answered, the lad, resuming his play. : c ; Horrible Catastrophe. Yesterday' morning, at four o'clock, P. M., a small man named Smith, with a heel in the hole' of his trowsers, committed arsenic by swallowing a dose of suicide, . The veN. diet of the inquest returned a jury that tho deceased came to the fact in accordance with his death. He left a child and six small wives to lament the end of his tin' fortunate loss. In death we are.Jn the); midst of life. ' ' 1 1 ' A clergyman ' was endeavoring to ia. struct one of his Sunday " scholars, a plough boy, on the nature of a miracle.; "Now, my boy," said he, "suppose yoa were to see the sun rise in the middle of the night, what should you call that?"; "The mune, please eur.': "No, but,"iaid the clergyman, "suppose.: that you knew it was not. the moon, but the sun, and. that you saw it actually rise id the middle' , of the night what should5 you think?"' "Please, mr, I should think it was time to get up." i; .Vlr ,' - -til f.f :vAn editor; describing the" effects of squall upon 'a canal boat, pays; "When the gale was at its highest point,- the un- fortunate crait keeled to toe larboard, and the captain and another cask of whisky, rouea overDoaru. : . . . - . : -. ...... 'A gentleman, lately boasting of Jhe neatness and regularity of his wife, saijdj "If I get up in the night, pitch dark, find my clothes, down to tay gloves,all in' their proper places. 1 was up this mor ning before daylight," he continued, puti. ting his hand into his pocket for his hand-. kerchief,and here he pulled out his wile nightcap!. -v ;' .V . i' ' '' Careful. We saw Jake' nailing up a box the other day, containing some ar ticles which he intonded sending by ex press. From, the nature of the contents we knew it was essential that the box should not be inverted on the passage; so. we ventured the suggestion to Jake to place the much abused "This side', upl'f etc., conspicuously upon the cover,. -A few days after we saw Jake. ' ) "Heard from your goods, Jake; they get there safely?" r ' ; .''?. ;.v "Lvery one broker replied Jake sul lenly. "Lost the hull lot! Hang-the express, Compay!" - ; ' ' v- "Did you put on, 'Ihis side .up, as we told you?" . sv. . . : "Yes, I did; an fur fear they shoulda'i see it on' the kiver,' I put it on the" bot tom tew confound 'em Errors and repentance are the compan ions of rashness, i -yV-.' Ci-ht ' Follow the perfections of your.enemiea rather than the errors of your friends, i - Excess of ceremony shows a want of breedings That civility is best which ex cludes air formality. t : . 2 '