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SPIRIT OP DEMOCRACY.
I ' j, . , ; Jamils Ictospper fcbuttli to oIilifSt Jorcigit anb gn'mcstic $:tos, literature, te 3lris ani Sciences, ideation, gricuitnrf, Markets, ansements it VOLUME XXXIX. WOODSFIELD, MONROE COUNTY, OHIO, TUESDAY, MAY 2,1882. NUMBER 12. THE SPIRIT Of DK) OCRACY tUBLISHKIX EVERY TUESDAY. HKNRY R. Wl3ST, EDITOR AND PUOPRIETOR. iSTOFFICK Wet Side of Main Street, two Wr North of the Public Square. TERMS: '.ne copy, one year, : : : $1 50 One npy, fix month. : : 3le copy, ihree months, : : M "Jimd copy. : : J3PSubcription can be coramencud at any ,ie. . Advertising; Kates: no square. (It1-, lines.) one week, $1 00 o0 Bach subsequent insertion lor nve wcrkb, t)ne square, two month-. Tne square, three months $)ne square, six months. One square, one year, Ine eighth column, one month. One eigbth column, three months, One eighth column, six months, One eighth column, one year. One fourth column, one month, One fourth column, three months, tififi fourths column, six months. One fourth column, one year. Vine hirtf column, one month. 4 00 5 00 7 00 10 00 a 00 10 00 15 00 20 Of) 7 50 I I 00 20 00 30 no 10 0J One half column, throe months. 30 lift One half eolumn. six months, -w 00 t)nc half column, oue year, 50 00 One column, one week, 10 00 One column, one month, 15 00 One column, three months, 30 00 One column, six months, . 45 00 One column, oue year, W 00 iy Lejjal advertisements charired at the rate of one dollar per square for first insertion, and fifty cents for each subsequent insertion. Administrator's or Exemi tot's. Attachment and Road Notices, 3 00. . Local Notices, per line, first insertion, 10 'cents, and fire cents per line for each additional week. ATTORNEYS. 'HIHUK OUST. .WILLIAM. P OKBT. Nobuy Public. WM. OKEY & SON, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, WOODSFIELD, OHIO. WiU practice in Monro and adjoining conn ties. Office sooth of Publlo Square, formeily eeupied by Hollister k Okey . mch 14, '82 . IV 1 1,1.1 tM H. '4MM4 K. Attorney at Law & Notary Public, WOODSFIELD, OHIO. Office over Ketterer A Hoeffler's store, 8. W corner of Pnblio Sonars. Nov. 1. '79-ix. GJ-. W. I1AM.111.TCMN", Attorney at Law & Noiaiy Public (Offioe over Hope & Castle's Drug Store.) Woodsfield, Ohio. Will praotieo in Monro ; and other counties. anl7,'82. I W. BOLU8TIR. . . ... .i. J. MOLLISIBK' nOLLISTER & IIOI-LISTER, Attorneys at Law, WOODSFIELD, OHIO. Will practice in Monroe and adjoining conn ties. IWO,'77t. James W ateont ATTOHNE1 AT LAW, 4SD . MASTEH COMMISSIONER, IMMSFIF.I,I. OHIO, JauSl.'? f . , A. J. Pstsaos JOHB W. Dohrrtt. PEARSOX HOHKRTf. ATTORNEYS AT LAW, (Office Sonth of Pctblto Sqaare.) WOODSFIELD, OHIO. Will practice iu Monro and adjoining coun ties, J"17,'76t, Jasper LisK, ATTORNEY AT LAW AND NOTARY PUBLIC, NEW MA TA MORAS, OHIO. gjf Office in Mays' building. apr3,'80m6 S. "W I Xj El Y, PROSKCl Tlt; ATTORNEY, ATTORNEY AT LAW, SUP HEL ESTATE AGENT, (Office up stairs in the Court Bouse. ) Vtn MARTINSVILLE, WEST V A. jw29,'78T. . . . P. STMOOS. . , j. r. nRions Iron. Att riuy. ftPKIGB A DRIOON, 4tinrno and OounsallorH at Lave And Claim Agents, - WOODSFIELD, OHIO. I mo-Up 8Ur il Court HoSc. ! 4i r. BTJjfkB W. . H4ILOBT Notary Pnblic HUNTER A M ALLOKY. ATTORNEYS AT LAW, - a . . n 111 a ivr.cK-Bontawest corner ronuo square wouusriaiiii, unu. Will praotieo in Monroe and adjoining : counties. apr28.'74T. NOTARY PUBLIC. qiHN undersigned, having been appointed 1 Xetary Public, would inform his friends, and the pnblio generally, that he is prepared to nil Pensioners' Blanks, admin. U'.jr Oaths, take DeposttloC"", sjtferrowledge Dd. Mortgager- and other instruments o writing. JOHN JKKPRRS. prl8,'7T 3oatlsvlllo. Monroe Co. Ulo PHYSICIANS. l II . B . ROIE, PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, BEALLSVILLE, OHIO. Office in the Armstrong property. pr30,'78T. Dr. J . WAY, Physician and Surgeon, llM COVE, Wathington Tp, Monroe County, Ohio. All calls promptly attended to, during the dy or night. feb23.'69. IK. ft. ts. 8TKW 4lll, Physician and Surgeon, MILTONSBURG, OHIO. All calls promptly attended during the day or night. Office one door south of Stoat's Hotel. aprl3.'S0Tl. I. F. IAKHUHAK, 91. If. (Formerly of Zanesrille, Ohio,) Physician and Surgeon, Office and residence in the Walton property, WOODSFIELD, OHIO. Having looated at the above place, offers his Professional services, where he hopes by elose attention to business to merit public confidence and patronage Chrooio Diseases "In receive special attention tnav4.'?Rv THE B. & 0. R. R. -18 THK- Short Line East and West! IT WILL SAVK YOU TiixiecfclVEo aey! t.KHS II A Mil. I OA KS! Any information needed, all on or ad dress J. C LARK. Passenger Agent, W cdsfleld, Ohio. novi.'81u6. HXToOT Stocli OP- sTi TT rn -r Tools, Doors, r'ash, Glass, Nails, Plows, Iron' Pumps, &o., Farming Implements, Shoemaker's Tools, Builders' Hardware, full stock of GENERAL HARDWARE. Agent for the HOWE S jAIjB. a E. HAHLAN, WOODSFIELD, O. ooU,'81t. Ohio Farmers Fire Insurance torn. L.RKOY, OHIO. Insures nothing bnt Farm property. Rates ower than those of any other Company doing business in this county. Assets, : : : : $900,000. All Losses promptly paid. JOHN JEFFERS, Beallsville, Oh'.o, novl2,'7S. Agent for Monro County. Harness and Saddle Shop. Woodsfleld.0. H KKRCHNKR informs the citisens of it? - J i j j :(:. u . . v. u.a opened a SADDLE AND HARNESS SHOP In Schneider's building, and will manufaoture harness, saddle.:, bridies, and all other arti cles in. his basiness that the trade demands. Repairing done on short notice aud at fair rates. Pieces of harness, whips and straps kept on hand. Call and examine goods and obtain prices. roods warranted to be ex aotly as represented, and rates reasonable. nov30,'80ui3. F1 XT STOC K FURNITURE -AT- CIias Menkel's RR.iLI.NV I LRR. OHIO. As cheap as can be bought at Wheeling, Bell aire, or anywhere else. All kinds of Bureaus. Bedsteads, Bed Lounges, Tables, Cbairs, Safes, Looking Glasses, Win. dow Cornices, Chromos, Brackets, Racks, &o. g-Atl kinds of REPAIRING done, and Pictobes neatly Framed nov8 ,'81t. IMMENSE STOCK OF FURNITURE! AT- HELBLING & STOEHR'S, STREET, WOODSFIELD, OHIO. Extra inducements to customers in the way of mm Fi LOW PRICE! and as cbeap as the cheapest. VnrdrobWf Chrs, fiu reauSi Bedsteads, Looking filaSSCS, Hftt KaCKS, Picture . Frames, Aud everything else in the Furniture Line Pictures Framed to Order, IN BKHT O STYLB. XJ N X jE33FLTEC.inSrCi- Promptlv stiii xarefnlly atteuded to. All kinds of Undertaking Ooods aiways oa hand, eonsisiing of Coffins, Caskets, Shronds and Burial Kobws of all sites. dect7.tV. FURNITURE. SIXTEEN YEARS AFTER. The Last lny at Gettysburg The Most Terrific Fighting in War's History A. Caunonado Which Shook the Earth tor Miles Vir ginia's tirand Charge and Bloody iteimlse. Detroit Free Press, At the close of ibe sec md day's -fight Ewell bd secured a position on tbe Fed erai right, from which Meade determin ed lo drive him at any cost. While he had a lodgment among the Federal breast-works and nfle-piis he had a base from which to diive a fin ther wedge He knew what would coraewith.daylioht, and he bad reformed his lines and made all preparations. IN THE GRAT OF MOBN. Daybreak was stealing sottly over tin hills and valles, and il was not ye! ligh in the woods when Ewel1 poshed forward to assault the Federal-". He found them turming in line to assault him, and the hlsze of the first mu-ket ws followed by a tush from eiiher direction. Neither Hdl nor L ngstree' was ad vancing, but Ewell had not been engaged five minutes before the fla-h of musketry and the roar of cannon sounded all along the line, and the awul wrk of the third day had begun. But the real fight was between S locum and Ewell Tue one was determined to crush the other, and the bravery exhibited by blue and gray on thai flank thai morning was never ex celled in war's history. Lines of gray rushed forward through tbe smoke lo find lines ot blue standing as firm as the hills under them, aud whole companies fired into each other at such close range that the flames burned the clothing of the dead ami wounded. When the gray lines rolled back the blue lines followed, and there would be another shock and another hand-to-hand struggle. Ewell s first advance drove the Federal lines. In the rebound he lost moe than he bad won. Then Ewell was pushed a quarter of a mile, when he rallied and crushed Slocum back. So it was tor hours a wave of war rolling back and forth in its efforts to beat down the living wall which imprisoned it. At nine in the morning Ewell put forward fresh troyps and then the climax came. Above the steady crash ol musketry and the roar of artillery the shouts of the advancing Confederates could plainly he heard as they advanced to the last grapple CLOSINO IN. On came the gray lines, massed for assault, some singing, some cheering all ready to die. The hlua answered cheer for cheer.and then came the shock. Slocum said it was the coolest, fierces fighting he ever saw. Birnev sid he never saw such reckless fear of dea'h. Geary said the Confederate charged into bis lines again and again, and no fire could push them back. Ewell said, as his men closed in lor the climax: "Such fighting must soon decide the day or leave no one alive to fight " DRIVEN BACK. Slocum stood fi m for half an hour Then, as the fire ot several regiments began to slacken for want of ammuni tion, the Confederates began lo push him. Reinforcements were sent from the Sixth Corps, artillery advanced, and then Ewell had to give way in turn. He had done his best. Slowly the gray lines were pushed back over the winrows of dead and wounded, fighting grim ly, dying sullenly, and an hour be'ore noon Slocum had recovered all the ground lost the dav before, and Lee had played another card and lost. He had only one more left. DRAWING BREATH. From 11 until 2 o'clock there wa a treacherous armistice, broken now on the right by the boom of a carfnon in the center by the fire of a sharpshooters on ibe left by a ripple of mu-ke'rv Ewell hsrt lost. Lee had in turn attack ed both wings. and both attacks had been repulsed. He was now to attack the cen ter. Every man in both armies knew where the blow was to (all, and one had hut lo cast his eyes over that center to realize nt what cost Lee would attack. Every exposed situation had been forti fled, hundreds of rifle-piu excavated. and every ravine would be packed with Fed eral Infantry. There were stone wails, hills and ridges as natural covers for the defenders, and no field ot war offered bet ter positions for artillery. The Federal ar tillery on Cemeteiy Ridge could pour in its fire over the heads of the infantry on the slopes, and tbe grim cannon in posi tion on Cemetery Hill would enfilade all the front at grape and cannisler range. Meade was ready at noon ; Lee not until 2 o'clock. One by one his guns were massed in the center, bis choicest troops put forward as a wedge, and when he took a last survey of his lines he knew that tbe climax of three days of terrific fighting was at hand. Every order had been carried out every suggestion con sidered. If he c uld penetrate the Fed eral center Meade wa3 beaten. If he failed to do it he must fall back to the Potomac. A- BY EAKTBQCAKES. At 2 o'c'ock, while there was almost perfect silence over that great battle field, the sudden boom of a gun was Heard from Lee's center Its eclioe wetc yet rolling back and fcith from h i! 0 bill when theiecamea crash as though the heavens and earth hail met. Lee had opened with nearly 150 pieces ol artille ry. Meade had massed 80 or more guns in the center lo reply, and now 300 can non began their afttul din. WHAT IT WAS LiKB. An officer standing within 30 feet of ihree 6.pounders which are being rapidly fired must shout his ord rs One stand ing as near as that to a fu I battery tec id not hear a thund i -cUp in the sky above. The roar ct 20 piece of artillery will drown ordinary voices half a mile awa, McCle.llan had 60 ir 70 guns massed i M-lvern Hdl, nnd dishes were snaken down in houses 6 miles away The can nonade at the fl-st Bu I Run was nothing compared to suhsequenft battles, and yei the reverberations were d stinctlv head in Washington, 20 rai es awav. Th cannonade at Fredericksburg Mftpffcd down farm house chimneys 8 m les di -innt and was heard 25 mile Think. then, ot 330 pieces of artillery, many of li. em rarrot guns, massed on trie crest of hills, and all firing as fast as men could serve them ! An earthquake could not thus have shaken the earth. Men became giddy and staggered, and houses seemed to lift off their foundations In 'en minutes after tbe first gun was fired me could no longer distinguish single reports. All reports were consolidated into terrible roar, which alpinird cattle in the fields 15 mi'es away, ond was plainly heaid by human ears 40 mile awav- Regiments on the flanks of that awful cannonade c mid not believe that any one would live through it. WHAT IT UTr CTED. In talking with Confederates who were in the center that day I have raanv times asked for the particulars of t he damage done by the Federal tire. All answered alike. Its etlect was terribly demoraliz ing, but not so destructive as one would imagine. Hundreds of shot and shell ilew over their heads, and hurt no one. Others struck into bodies of men getting into position for assault, and opened lanes through whole brigades Here and there a shell mutilated a dozen men, killed three or four horses, or dismount ed a cannon ; hut Lee's entire loss by the whole cannonade did not amount to 500 men. On the Federal side the loss was no greater, the demoralization about tbe same. The best troops in the world will not stand in line under artillery fire If they are moving it is different, and the whirr of shot and scream of shell are part of the programme. Tne Confede rates planted almost every shot into the Federal position, and for a time every living thing sought cover. Showers of dirt, Hung high in air by the shells, de scended upon men lying is the ravine, and it is a singular fact that two of tbe artillerists in Thomas' battery were kill ed bv stones flung out by shot or shell. 4 Confederate shot which struck a breast work flung a jagged splinter more than 200 feet at right angles, and killed one man and broke the arm of a second The Federal guns were short of ammu nition on the stan, and throughout the cannonade the fiie was slower and more regular than the Confederates. Thomas alone bad four caissons bit and blown up, and some of our batteries lost their horses and a fourth of tbeif men. pickett's advance. As if bv mutual consent the firing on both fides began to slacken, and in ten minute almost every gun was silent. Then Federal regiments sprang fmm cover, and in a moment Cemetery Ridge was again dotted with blue. Lee was going to assault. It is close upon four o'clock when a long line of Confederate skirmishers moves out of tbe woods beyond the Emraiilshurg road. Nr far in the rear is Pickett s Division of Virginians in double line of hatile, fl igs rippling and bt onets gleaming. Kemper, Garoett, Artristead, Wile x and Pettigrew are there, and Heth's Division protects the left flmk. Look careiullv now, for never again on this continent will such an advance be seen It is the third day of the fiercest battle in our history. Lee has assaulted the right the left the center. The mettle ol every man has been tried, and there is not a coward among them Tins is the last assault, and it will be made on he Federal left center where Hancock is wa ching and waiting. Here comes the skirmish line, creeping nearer and nearer and undula ting like a Serpent. Behind lb m are tbe solid columns of Virginians swing ing out of the woods are the best b igades in Lee's army a column of assault eigh'een thousand strong Tner.' is deep si ence as a bundled thousand pairs of eyes look at the picture. Ey'ery line in that column is per ectly dressed every offl ier si his pot. Thej dc not come with the rush of Hood or the renzv o' Ewell It is march! march! march ! with a steal v step and a front of gleaming steel Even an enemy waiting with loaded inuske8 can cheer such bravery such fiim disciplii.e. PKTTIQREW'S REPOLSK It has been officially asserted that many of the men in rettigrew s com mand had never before seen a battle, but bad tbev been veterans of a hun dred fights they must h .ve been broken by their terrihle reception at the hands of the Federals. Their assault was aimed at Hays. He had fourteen thou sand men down behind the stone walls ir bis front, and on his right a batten fully provided with grape-shot Hnd canister "Miany, men steady; was the command all along H tys' front, and scarcely a musket was fired unt.l tbe Confederates were within pistd-shot Then the battery opened. with canister. and the inlamrv poured in their volley s, and in ten minutes hardly a Con'ederate was left on his feet. At such close range the canister wiped out men bv the doz n, and it seemed as if almost every bullet found a living target Whi-n the smoke lif 8 Pet igtew has fallen, and with him three filths of his commissioned officers. Companies are wiped ou , regiments icduced one-half, and those not in retreat are King flit down io escape tbe bullets. But Woodruff, whose battery has rendered victory so decisive, s mortally wounded, and the dusty road and trodden fi' Ids are drinking the blood of many a Fedeial hero. AUMlsrKAo's KCSH The aivance o Annistead firs:, stmek against the First Corps, but obi qied to escape the fire an t struck Gibbous' Di vision. Here was al o a stone wall, and nereGthbons had thrown two regiments out in advance o' his main line The nish of the Confederates met with a feeble fire, an I thev surged over the de lenses and sent, the Federals flying Up the bill For a ra 'ment it seemed as it the msttHitie would be nwept back, hut thetl tnness ot two or three regiments allayed the panic an prevented disaster Armmtesd .pressi d oh, encouraged bv wtisl tie had accomplished., and, althongn the tire of mM-fcetry was tetiihly hot. his rush was not checked unt I blue an t gray wete fighting tireast "o breast with the bayonet F r a quarter ot an hour he clung 'here, unaole fo advance and determined hot to retra1; hut rem-forceraent- came to ttie Fi de'als, ar.d ho assaulting column was broken ami pushed hack. ALL ALDNO THE LINE. Il is the asm - with Kemper win. Garneit with every column of assault. eral breast-works, capture rifle pits and leap through the flames to bayonet gun ners; but when thi rebound comes they are swept awav. Six. eight and ten men return to Cemetery Ridge to represent a company. A hundred return to repre sent a regiment Out of brigades scarcely a full regiment can be found Penigrew, Armi-t ad, Kemper and Gar ne't are dead or wounded field officers are among every heap of dead regi ments with scarcely a captain left The picture of eignieen thousand men march ing forward with waving flags and steadv step had been framed in blood and veil ed with death Lee had played his last card, and lost. THE FOURTH DAT fJ& the grand assault was beaten back every soldier realized that the battle of Gettysburg had ended. Lee had done his best, and many looked for a speedy retreat At sundown word wa3 passed along the lines that his retreat had be gun. and certainly but few expected to see more than bis rear guard when the morrow came. But Lee was there and in position. He had not sent off a man or wagon, and he was defiantly waiting for Meade to attack him in turn. It was only when night came and he found he was not to be attacked that he gave the orders for a leisurely retreat. ler's situation In leaving Virginia to invade the North the Confederate commander could not burden the march with too many wagon trains. The great point was to carry a supply of ammunition, and this point was carefully seen to. There was more or less fighting from the Potomac to Gettysburg, and something of an inroad had been made on the supplies before the first dav's fight. Considerable am munition was lost on the road, mme captured by Federal cavalry, and at the end of the third day's fight there was noi enough ammunition in the Confed erate array to take it through six honrs of fighting In the retreat to the Poto mac many caissons con'ain'ed onlv two or three round-shot, and thousands of the infantry had no more than from five to eight cartridges left. To this must bi added the want of ra tions. The Federal cavalry had sadly demoralized the wagon-trains, and made many captures; and when night fell on the fourth day of Gettysburg not one Confederate in ten bad even a cracker in his haveisack. Lee could wait no longer. He must fall back for food and ammunition WHAT HE SAINED. Lee had counted on a great battle, and it had come to pass, but it was a ba tle in the N rtb instead of the South. He had lost no more than he might have lost by ..waiting for Hooker to attach him in Virginia. Instead of standing on the defensive behind Southern breast works, hebnd proved to the world that the Confederates had strength to become the aggressor, and that thev could Bgbt as well in Pennsylvania as in Virginia The effect upon the South was to in crease confidence in the Government and in the arrav While the North shouted its hosannas, it did not forgrt that another invasion was a possibility The English and French summed up tbe campaign to tbe general advantage of the Confederals Those who argued that the Confeder ate army could never stand before Made again had on ly to wait until the first fr 8ts of autnmn to see that same armv. again numbering hardly more than half his strenf th, pressing him back upon M-massas from tbe Ripidan. M. Quad Coming Changes in the Army. General Sherman is doing a ven handsome, indeed a noble thing, in giv ing up his position as Commander iti C def of the Armv. for the sake of do ing ju-tice to the subordinate otliceis d the army. He has graciously yielded his place on the active list, and says make letirement compulsory at 62, and I give the younger otHcers a chance. To day he telegraphed again from Ana na, saying that in no event must any excep-! tion be made of him. He was s xiv-twoj years of age in Fehruary. The bill wilij take effoct on July 1, retiring over 30; officers who have passed the age of 62. and General Sheridan will then become the bead of the army. Sheridan is 52 and will have ten years here as Com raander-in-Cbief. Sherman will go out with the admiration and goo I feeling ol even body Probably the Senate will amend the army bill so as to give him ml pay. That wilt give him 817.000 a tear as long as he lives. It is now cer ta'n that the compulsory retirement clause of the hill will take effect Jnh 1, and it will make great changoa in the armv As Sheridan will come to be Commander in-Clncf, the present divis ion of the Missouri will he changed. The division of the Atlantic will inclu f, evervthiug east of the Mississippi river and General Hancock dU remain in New York as commander of this divis Ion. The new division of the Missouri will include ever thing east of Missis sippi lo the Rocky m un ains, with the headquarters at Fort Leavenworth Gmeral Sc-'field, who is cranis home from Europe next month, will prohibit take command of this division. Gjn McDowell will be retired Jul v I. making a vacancy for a Major General a posi tion which will be given to General Pope, who now c mmands the depart ment of Misioui, and is onlv a Briga dier General. Pope will then go to Sao Francisco, probahlv. to succeed Mc Dowell. This will give satisfaction all around This is to be a year of great changes in the armv The retirement of soman t officers will make a gre manv vacancies Be. fiber sas that o man without a healthy stomach can be good over two hcuts a da. Ba nOms leceipts for si weeks at the Madison Square Garden, New York, are report d at the enorra -as sum of 8425 000 Rapid transit over tire elevated railroad- is credited with having made possible this phenom'nal business. There was nothing peculiar about a - a recent To onto wedding up to the point when the married couple quitted tbe church, then the hii le dropp d her hus band arm, got into her father's cat riage and r tu ne 1 home alone. She re 'used to see bin again, or make any ex planation of her conduct. 'ftf fit itttrl JMYittettmtt It is getting toward the seaon for discovering turtles with "G. W., 1778," cut on their slfells. "I nra now convinced that it is wrong to gamhlo especially when you lose." Charles Francit Adams. Sleep may "knit up the raveled sleeve of care," but it won't darn the torn stocking of poverty woith a cent. The man who leaves dirty water in the wash-basin gets a much shorter pair of wings than any of tbe other angels. Two drinks a day, remarks an ex change, will supply a family with f our This, of course, refers to tbe f -loon keeper's family. Just as though this country bad not been punished enough a'.ready a later infliction, the banged hair young man, is running at large. Snme men have a conscience like a rubber cord. A very little will make it stretch out When pressure is removed it flies back place A Howard avenue ten-year old very pull the into sub- muted the following as a composition: "Salt Salt is that stuff which makes potatoes taste bad when you don't put any on." A correspondent wants to know where the expression "Let up comes from. We believe it comes from tbn fellow who isn't on top in the fight. Solon Chase's advice is' "Stay East, young man." So between him and Horace Greeley the young man will he likely t locate somewhere in the vicin ity of Ohio. The Louisville Courier Journal repre sents the ghost of Hamlet's father is very much astonished at finding, when he saw Anna Dickenson, that his boy was a girl. Barnum will fiad it difficult to recon cile his temperance piinciples and his possession of Jumbo. The beast drinks whisky and hi er by the pail full, and chews plug tobacco A Ford Odgen man has a contract to deliver 5 000 aUigator hides to a St. Louis firm bv May first. Evidently 250 pairs of shoes aie to be made for St. Louis hells. At a New Y irk restaurant frequented bv Wall street men over thirty napkins are pocketed and carried awav daily by absent-minded guests. An extra charge is made on all dishes to cover this loss He knew it was April 1, and didn't propose to be fooled, and when they told him his chimney was afire and likely to burn the bouse, he said : "Let her burn." And they did. No insurance. Four Milwaukee faro banks were bursted last week, and one could hardly get a calm answer from any citizen in the town. Everybody argued that it was the beginning of another financial crisis. The London World is good enough to call the attention of its readers to the 'set that American girls do not join the ranks of tbe polvgamists. but that tbe demand is fed from the most ignorant districts of England, Wales and Scan dinavia, An Indian chief, while in Washing ton, was taken to see a burlesque show. Alter the performance he remarked, thiough an interpreter, that the Great Father was very kind to send the poor Indians blankets when they were so much needed at home. A devoted wife in Arkansas pleaded for months for the pardon of her hus band, who was under a seven year's' sentence. Wednesday of last week she succeeded On Thursday wotd came back from the Penitentiary : "Henry James died at Lewisburg last Decem ber " Worl comes that one of Vermont's Congressional statesman has strength ened his family lies at public expense bv sending six mail bigs full ot Govern ment seeds to his brother-in-law, who lives on a small farm in Massachusetts, and that four bushels of wheat contain ed io the lot has been thrifti'v carried lo the miller and ground into flour. Mrs. Jane G. Swisshelm savs : "We need a standing armv about as much as we need ostrich feather's " If Jane was a giddy young thing of eweet 17, or thereabout, she would ?ay : 1 We need ostrich feathers fen times more than we need a standing army " Young women can worry along without a standing armv, hut Ihev must have ostrich feath ers. Equal to the emergency : Mr Ponsotj hv tie Tomkyns: "That lady was evi dently intended by nature for a Chinese. Sir Charles I wonder whom she can be?" Sir Charles : "She happens to be mv sister.Lady Plantagenet de la Zoushe. Mav I a-k why you think nature Intend ed her for a Chinese ?" Mrs. Ponsoby de Tomkyns: "She struck me as having such exquisitely small feet.1' Together they were looking over tbe paper Oo mv, how funny," she said "What. is it'f" he asked "Whv, here's an advertisement that 83ys: "No rea sonable offer refused ' " ' What's so odd ahou that ?" ' Nothing, nothing," she replied, tning to blush, "only those ire exactly mv sentiments" If that young man hadn't taken the hint and proposed right then and there she would have bated him How to Secure Health. It is strange any one will suffer from derangements brought on ty impure blood, when SCOVILL'S SARSAPA RILLA AND STILLINGIA. or BLOOD AND LIVER SYRUP will re store health to tbo physical organisation. It is a strengthening syrup, pleasant to take, and tbe BEST BLOOD PURI FIER ever discovered, curing Scrofula, Weakn ss of the Kidneys, Krysiplas, Malaria: Nervous disorders. Debility, Bilious conplaiots and Diseases of the Blood, Liver, Kidneys, Stomach, Skin, cto. BAKER'S PAIN PANACEA cures pain in Msn and Beast. DR. ROGER'S WORM SIRUP rir- wtistly destroys WORMS. inE missing suspenses. Mrs. Spoopendyke, in a Pit ot Do mestic economy, Cleans Her Husband's Clothes. Brooklyn Eagl. 'Now, my dear," said Mr. Spoopen tiyke, as he stretched himself and drew on his pantaloons, "you've cleaned these trousers up first-rate, This is what I call economyi If I'd taken 'em to tbe tailor's it would have cost a couple of dollars at least, and you've saved just that amount," and Mr. Spoopendyke went to bis ablutions and then pulled on his shirt. "I'll clean your coat, too, if you like,' said Mrs Spoopendyke. "Leave it at home some dav and I'll take ibis spot out of the frfeeve," and Mrs. Spoonetl- dyke bustled around, and looked delight ed with the idea of pleasing her bus- band. Where's my suspenders?" asked Mr Spoopendyke, screwing himself arouud around and looking down bis bacK "You didn't clean the susoenders clear out of sight, did yon ?" "They were there when you put on vour pants, said Mrs Spoopendyke. have not touched them. What did you do with them ?" "Ob, yes, certainly. I did something with them ! What d'ye 'spose I did with them? Think I set 'em up in business somewhere, don't ye ? Got an idea I gave 'em a vacation to go fisbing,haven't ye ? Well, I didn't send 'em away to be educated for the ministry. Where s my suspenders? Where'd you put 'em S'pose I'm going round holding these pants up all day ? Think I got no busi ness interests besides holding on my breeches with both bands? What'd you do with the things? "I know I didn't take them off the pants," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, pulling open the bureau drawers and bustling things around in a vain endeavor lo find the missing articles. "They must be there somewhere." "Show 'em to me, then !" demanded Mr. Spoopendyke. "Take a slick and point 'em out tome! Of course they are there somewhere, only just put your thumb on 'em I What bave you done with 'em Can't ye recollect whether ye made 'em up into hat-bands for the heathen, like you did my dressing-gown, or whether you planted them to see it they would grow, like you did my straw hat ? Think tbey walked off like a Cro ton bug?" howled Mr. Spoopendyke, poking around m the soiled clothes-bag Where's those suspenders?" and be pulled tbe books off tbe shelf and rum maged around behind the case with a broombandle for a divining-rod. "Maybe I can fix your pants So you won't need any suspenders to-day, and I'll find tbem before night," suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke. "That's it. You're got it," raved Mr. Spoopendyke. "How are you going to tlx tbem ? Going to lie them on with a shoestring, like you do your bustle? Going to walk around behind me all day and hold 'em on ? P'rhaps yon can pull era up and button em round my neck! How d'ye propose to fix 'em ? Going to put 'em on me upside down,so i( they rail they'll fall up? It I had your bead I'd go out to service as a file. Fix 'em, why don't ye ? Why don't ye fix 'em ? These trousers are getting sick at the stomach, waiting to be fixed," and Mr Spoopendyke ahot across the room and dove under the wardrobe in search ot the lost suspenders "Just let me buckle tbem tight he hind," said. Mrs. Spoopendyke; "the strap will bold them." "That's the scheme!-' shrieked Mr Spoopendyke "Something's got to hold tbem ! If I was as sharp as you I'd get rich hiring out for an oyster-knife. All you want is to have somebody sit cross legged on you, and come home two Wi eke after you're expected to be a tai lor.shop! G ing to find those dod-gas-ted suspenders between now and the next war?" "I know they were on his pants when he put tbem on," mused Mrs. Spopen dyke, enleiing upon a little inductive reasoning. "He didn't take tbem off, so tbey must be there now.'' and the good woman approached her husband with a smile. 'Oh ! now they're going to be fixer,' said Mr. Spoopendyke with a horrible grin. "P'raps you're going to cut button-holes in your hands and feet, and hong over my shoulders, ain't ye? Want me to put 'em on over my head, like a measly skirt and two tucks and a flounce to it, don't ye ? Maybe you think those suspenders hurried down to breakfast so as to get the first crack at the morning paper, doa't ye ?" But Mrs. Spoopendyke made no re sponse. Opening the back of her hus band's fluttering shirt she saw tbe mis sing suspenders, He had slipped them over bis shoulders before assuming tbe muslin and had forgotten all about tbem "Smart ae a whip, ain't ye ?" growled Mr. Spoonendyke, as he drew off bis shirt and let the suspenders down. "If my head was as clear as yours I'd hire out for a ehurch-bell. You only seed four lessons and a drop of rain water to be a micioscope," and Mr. Spoopendyke hurried on his clothes, and scuttled down s'Birs to get tbe morning paper before his wife could get a clutch, at it- "Blow Out Tbem Candles." Wall Street News. In the years agone, when the tallow candle was the brightest light in the richest farm house of the land an old chap, living over in New Jersey, gat word one day that a New Yorker was coming out to see his farm with a view of purchasing. The Whole family don ned their Sunday best, and as evening came the anxious larmer looked down the road and said to his wife: "There be comes, Sally, you'd better light three candles." He took another look and suggested that she light two more dips, so as to give the house a cheerful appearance, and then took bis station at the gate to welcome tbe expected purchaser. Five candles illuminated the bid farm house as the traveler drove up in a buggy. The farmer took one long eauint st htm through tbe gloom and then harried into the house shouting out : "Sally 1 Sally! Blow out four of them candles qnlcker'o scat, for it's nobody bnt a haia-haafled elrenil Hdr V Banging a Blood-and-Thnnder Novelist. The other day a stout trotbab, armed with an umbrella and leading a smalt in chin, called at the office of a New tork boys' story paper. "Ji tuis the place where they fight In lians ?" she inquired of the gentleman in charge. "Is this the locality where . the brave boy charges Ud the can von and speeds a bnllet to the heart of the dusky redskin ?" and she Jerked the ur chin around by the ear and thought her umbrella down on the desk. "We publish stories tor boys," replied the young man evasively. "I want to know if these are tbe prem ises on which tbe daring lad springs up on bia fiery mustang, and, d siting through the circle of thunderstruck sav ages, cuts the captive's cords and bears him away before the wondering Indians have recovered from their astonishment 7 That's tbe information I'm after. I want to know if that sort of thing is perpe- trated here I" and she swung the um brella around ber bead. "I don't remember those specific acts," protested the young man "I Want to know if this Is tbe pre' cinct where the adventurous boy jumps on tbe hack of a buffalo and with uneN ring aim picks off one by one of the blood thirsty pursuers who bite tbe dust at every crack of tbe faithful rifle! I'm looking for the place where that sort of thing happens!" and this time she brought tbe unlucky young roan a tre mendous whack across tbe back. "I think J" commenced the dodging victim. "I'm in search of tbe shop in which the boy road agent holds the quivering stage driver powerless with his glitter ing eye, while be robs the male passen gers with an adroitness born of long and tried experience, and kisses the bands of tbe lady passengers with a gal lantry of bearing that bespeaks noble birth and a chivalrous nature I" scream ed the woman, driving the young man into tbe corner. "I'm looking for the apartment in which that business is transacted !" and down came tbe um brella with trip hammer force on the young man's head." 'Upon my soul, ma'am!" gasped the wretched youth "I want to be introduced to the jam in which you keep the bor scouts of the Sierras ! Show me the bins full of tbe boy detectives of the prairie! Point out to me the barrels full of boy pirates of tbe Spanish main !" and with each demand she dropped the umbrella on tbe young man's skull until he skipped over the desk and sought safety in a neighboring canyon. "I'll teach 'em !" she panted, grasp ing the urchin by the eat and leading blm off "I'll teach 'em to, make it good or dance. Want to go 'fight In dians any more ? Want to stand, proud ly upon the pinnacle of the mountain and scatter the plain beneath with the bleeding bodies of uncounted elain ? Want to say 'hist !' in a tone that brooks no contradiction r Propose to sprinst upon the tsffreil and with a ringing word of command send a broadside into the richly-laden galley, and then mercifully spare the beautiful maiden in the cabin, that she may become your bride ? Eh ? Going to do it any more ?" With each question she hammered tbe yelping nrcbin until bis bones were sore and he protested his permanent aband onment of all the glories enumerated. Then come along, said she, taking him by the collar. "Let me catch you around with any more ramrods and car ving knives, and you II think tbe leap ing, curling resistless prairie fire had swept with a ferocious roar of triumph across the trembling plains and lodge I in vour pantaloons to stay " Brooklyn Eagle. m wmiik -w - Nero. After the burning of Rome, savs a writer in the London Q isrterly, Nero gratified his taste, in entire disregard of the proprietors, in rebuilding it. He at once appropria'ed a number of tbe sites and a large portion of the public grounds for bis new palace. The por ticos, with their ranks of columns, were a mile long. The vestibule was large enough to contain that colossal statue of him, in silver and gold, one hundred and twenty feet high, from Which the Colosseum got its name. The interior was gilded throughout and adorned with ivory and mother-of-pearl. Tbe ceil ings of tbe dining-rooms were formed of movable tablets of ivory, which shed flowers and perfumes on the company ; the principal labs had a dome, which, turning day and night, imitated the movement of tbe celestial bodies When the palace was finished he ex claimed : "At last I am lodged like a man !" His diadem was valued at S500 000. His dresses, which he never wore twice, were stiff with embroidery and gold He fished with purple lines and hooks of gold. He never traveled with less than a thousand carriages. The mules were shod with silver, the mule teers clothed with the finest wool, and the attendants wore bracelets and neck laces of gold. Five hundred she-asses followed his wife Poppasa in her pro gresses, to supply milk for her bath - He was food of figuring in the circus as charioteer, and in the theater aa a singer and actor. He prided himself on being an artist ; and, when his possible depo sition wss hinted to him, he said that artists could never be in want. There was not a vice to which be was not giv en, nor a crime wnicb be did not com mit. Yet the world, exclaims Suetonius, endured this monster for fourteen years, and he was popular with the multitude, who were dazaled by his magnificence,' and mistook bis senseless profusion for liberality. On tbe anniversary of bis death, during many years, they crowded to cover his tomb with flowers. He had owned a setter dog, and this was the story he told : "Yes, sir ; tbe way that dog was devoted to me was just amaxing, Why, he beard me eay to my wife that I was pressed for money, and be went and died the day before the dog tax was assessed. " Slater Blandina, who died lately at tbe Academy of the Visitation, in George town, D. C, where she has passed the laat thirty years, was a cousin of G. P. R. James, the novelist, and also, by mar riage, of Mrs Spo fiord. She was the roine ot Mrs opoSord s poem, ' Taa m and Harp."