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t jfaniilg jtosjajtr--ftbatti to folitics, foreign rra& gfliistir - f ebs, JumkntJt Jris. anb Ikunees, . (Bneaiiaii, . gtidtoe,-. PwKtts, $miri;:itnls dr VpLTJME 41. WOODSFIELD, MONROE COUNTY, OHIO, TUESDAY, ' NOVEMBER il,. 1884. ' ?. '1 4i NUMBER 40.:.- jbm , . mm . ... rtii' , .1 ti . i , - .. r - ' - r - - -- - - , , - , ' , i- - , . . : . . , . -- .-..- ; vr .-4 V THE SPIRIT OF DEMOCRACY. UBISnED EVERY TUESDATrl JaEIVHY B. WEST, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR. " ,' tarOFFIQB Tt 8id of Main Street, twt loon North of the Public Square. ' '" " TERMS: - Oneeopy, oneyer, I $1 DO One oopy, alt' fflontlin,- I i . ; It." 1 ' ft . 70 One copy, three month, : i 50 , Bhiirle copy, : ; , : 5 Ontalde of Monroe County, after t September lst lSSa.postaee paid by the Fubll8ber$2 la advance - C2r3ttbariptioM can be eommenoed et any time. Advertising Bates: t)r iqtiere, one week, $1 00 tfribaTBtteMfmit insertloa for At weeks,- 60 fB-eqterwo rMttthav " " -4 00 ,6ne eqnere, three months 0 00 On tqure,ix monthe, 7 00 fine tqasre, one year, . 10 00 One eighth eolamn, one month, 0 00 One eurhth bcflam'arfSre Months, 10 00 n eighth oetamn, six months, 10 00 tone eighth oolumn, one year, 20 00 One fourth eolamn, one'month, ' 7 50 jbki fourth oolumlnM'e"monthirITTX)'j One tettrth eolamn, six months, se fourth" o61am,"one year, 9ne half column, one month, i)ne hH eotumn, three months,'. Pte half 0luin, il months, One half celumn, one year, SO 00 80 00 10 00 20 00 80 09 00 00 10 00 ,5 00" 80 Oft 45 00 One ealumn, ene month, ntjalaiu, three in on thai ne eolsnm, ix menthsi se eelumn, one" year,. i SO 00 tLeaal ad rertisemente charged at the rate ! ene AeUar per square for first insertion, and ft tt cents for eaoh subsequent insertion. Admintrator's or Executor's, Attachment sdjtoed Notice, C0. r u..,f , . Leoal Notioee, pet line, first insertion 10 site, and Are cents pet line for each additional ireek. ATTORNEY8. WllilAK Itlt,,!, ...... ...WltUAll f OXIT Hoiarf Pubtio. WM. OliSV & SOIV, A.TTORNEFSJ'AT law, WOODSFIELD, OHIO. tftll pranlioa In Monree nidolnlng eonn ttos. Oftoe south of Pabllo Square, formerly weettpied by Bolltster ft Ofcey. - mohU,'8'i. A. J. PEABSON, ATTORNEY AT LAW, (errtct ots kittsisb's sTeis.) ;Wood.sfiol(if O. . . iv ill iv in ii. cooiiiv Attorney at Law & Notary Public, WOODSFIELD, OHIO. ' Not. U. TI-It. Attorney at 'Law & Notary -Public, (OJBoe oVer Pope & Castle's Drag 8tore,)" . Woodsfleld, Ohio. Will praetioe iq Monro and other oountles, '. Jnl7,'8a. James :V"at6nJr-rVj AT T OR N E Y. " A T ITA W; .ASD. lIASTER . .COMMISSIONER, Jan3l,8i. -1 PROSKCl'TIG ATTORNEY, - ATTORNEY. AT LA W, JlEAL ESTATE AGENT, , (Office np stairs in the Conrt Honse.) HEX MARTIS8T11.LE, WEST TA. ;;Jan298t.',;, " : ht. ariiosi. ........ ......... i.. dbioos " JVos. Attrney. ; PIlIfifi8 & DUIOG Atterneys and Oounselloxs at Law B.i..Aiid. Claim . Agents, ; M WOODSFIELD, OHIO. - r .Off ioi Up stair's in Court Home. 'v pr26,7i. , ; . . ; ". . ,1; t furnitube.,' ; ei"-'if f . : I- 4 I "I IMMENSE STOCK , . . , or -" ; -'' 1 HELBLIM . & STOEHR'S, XTE-AH. 3? HB DEPOT, 'WOODSFIELD; OHIO E ttra indaoements to customers' in the way o fiSOB GOODV lOtl LOW PRICES and as cheap as the ehespest, v '1. Wardrobes Chairs, Tables Bu reaus, Bedsteads, Looking Glasses Hat Racks, Picture Frames, ' And rrerythlng else in the Faraitnre Line Pictures Framed to Order : -y IN BKST .01? BTYLB. , rromp ly ana onroiuuj luaawi u, ; kinds of TTndertsklng Qoods always on hand, consisting of Coffins, Caskets, Shrouds and Burial Robes of all tMes. aecl7.'87 . 1 " Bend 81x cents for postage, and receive free, a costly box of I. goods which will help sill, ef either sex, to more- money right away .than anything else in this- world. Fortunes await the workers absolutely sure. At onoe addrsit Taoi it Co., AufaiU, Mslne. 4I-8T FtTRNITTJUE v .AT mm 1 ULUll PHYSICIANS, - PHYSICIAN AND SUfidEON, BEAJiX.3-VILX.E, OHIO. Omoe in the Armstrong property. nr3fl7R-"-' r I. ' ' 4-4- :m Phvilflian - ahd finrffsbn. T CLSi.COVE, (FaiAtMtoM .Monroe ...-.(. -l-!. It:-.' AH ealli vromntly attended to.'dnrins the y ot njgnt. - y . - xeoa,-0. TfsltrWoodsneld Rcgalarly. I g-ur- anlee Better work and use better materials than any Dentist in the eeanty, prl5,'84 Ohlo'MFmers'Flre'lnsurance Com I.EKOT, OHIO, Insures nothing bnt Farm vroperty. . Bates lower than those of any other Company doing business in this oountt. Assets; f: $1,18723613 All Losaes promptly paid. ' . JOIIW JEFFER8, : Bealls?llle, Ohio, ".aorll,,78, '; v Agent hi Monroe County. pBlJRCH COMsilTTEB, School Boards or J priyaU families desiring to pnrohsse an OB Q AIT ean proeure first otass instruments at lowest oash prloes by ealllng on or adores- Ing BUV. W. T. GAERO WAT, Woodaneld, Ohio. ' Eatey.Orraos. a Specialty, A; Gr. W. POTTS, General Insurance Agent, SZtxxxi.ll3Cilv Olalo, Ag't for I be following: Companlest kAlso for Tornadoes, Cyolones, Hurricanes , , and "Wind Storms-. AMAZON. -re - - , Clnclanaf I. ROYAL Of Liverpool, England. Ll!VDO. and LANCASHIRE, Ennland. 3 VEEN of Liverpool, England. UIO, of Dayton. - Dayton. ' Applications also taken for various other Companies, all ef which are the most rella. bio Companies in the United States. All elassesof . Town and Country nulldlnr, Merchandise, Lumber, Stock, drain and farm Implements. - insured at low rates in good Compauies. A p. plications either by mall or in person promptly attended to. m27,'84T. MILLINERY. jKre-wovrt n 1 n ery '..-a.-.----- ; ; ' ; . . ' Keeps oonstantiy on Band 5IILLINERT GOODS & FAKCI GOODS, which- are offered at prices to suit the times All work entrusted to my ears , will . be promptly done Please -oall and. examine Goods and learn prloes. ; , JB8. N. J, CLARK, ' sept4,'S0. Woodsfield. Oklo. . Fine Art Marble Works. - - , ,. --. . ,. r ..... . . .. JOHN M. BBEBLE, Proprietor. i J Aiutra tn il FINE GRANITE : ! MONUMENTS Of all kinds. Also manufacturer of Monn s msnts, Tombstones, etc., of both Italian and AmericanMarble, which he will sell at prloes that IIKFYCOJIPETI flON. Selling Granite is no experiment with me. I hare been handling it so extensively- this season, and oompeUtioa so severe, that tl was necessary to make . .. . . , Special A-rrangementH for Selling it ' Parlies buying of ma or of mv agent, 8IUOH J. DOBB, Woods field, .Ohio, can secure work 2S or'SO per cent cheaper than elsewhere; ; Designs and Estimates. Furnished on application. Mr. Bberle is thn builder of the Soldiers' and Sailors' Monument at Bell aire, Ohio. ,. augl.'8tf. Groceries and Notions ATt FRITZ BUCKIO'S. I have Just received a full stook of Oro. cenes, Notions, Tobacco, Cigars and Candles. Can furnlBh you at low rates any article kept in a grocsry store. OWe me a call. 1 Nov. 301883. : FRITZ BDCKIO. ' ' tefrjti A KISS FIRST. "What keeps Bessie so long at the well? ; Mother wonders, but eannot tell. Out by the well-curb Bessie stand; ' , The pitcher grasped by her Chubby hands Is empty still, while many a trace Of angAr fexes the childish face. .. ? ... "If were a hoy, I wouldn't tease. Leave me alone How, Bobby, pleass." Up on the Well-curb Bofeby siK A roguish smile o'er his brown face flitstj "I ain't your kind of a boy. you soe; Give me the kiss and Til let you be.; You're welcome to drain the old well dry, But a kiss first, Bessie, so say I." And Bobby is master of well and rope, Se how can Bessie for victory bope? Slowly homeward little Bess goes. Her soft cheeks blushing like any rose: And Bob (the little vexed heart beats fast But the pitcher is full to the brim at last. There's a moss-grown well near by, and to-dsy I heard a gray-haired woman say: "What keeps Bessie so long at the well?" Ahl I know, but I wouldn't tell. For what if two by the well-curb stand, Bobby and Beside hand in handl ' , What if a pitcher forgotten lies At the feet of both! and if two blue eyes See only the glance of another pair, Ani if there are sanoy lips that dare To ask for a kisst What harm, pray tell, If Bessie should linger at the well? . ' ' ' , . M. D. BeiHK, in Rarper't Weekly. A STRANGE STORY. "Jackl" Well ? "That is a pretty little island down off Harbish." Y-eo " Just the spot to while away a few days Mo ahnmfnuhlA wPHthpr " ' "T-e-9, but you Bee I bare to go to Hale.' - "The" It was abominable weather; it was to me an effort to drawl the words, but Penraven was crisp enough. "I beg your pardon," be broke off barely ; "the. fact is.'' I am disappointed Jack. How long will it take you to go to Hale and back r I was not In a laughing mood, but de spite me a laugh broke from my lips. That depends, fen tuat depends, u is easy enoogn to go to uaie, out me getting back rather the way I may come back is what troubles meiimnow. but you can Judge, Ppnraven." I pulled tbe odious scrap or paper from my pocket and tossed it over to him. "Mr Dear Jack: Mabel Grant is again at Hale. For tbe last time I beg you to go and call on her Yon are not obliged to make love to her; though if yon. only could Jack, jsck, mink or a steady million and a girl like Mabel Grant! "By the way, I beard she caught a glimpse of you at Hamish and went mad in love witn you. Ob, Jack Jack ! But thia is tbe last, the very last, from your still hopeful sister, Rat" He read it, he dropped it, and he sat and he looked at me. "I iuDDOse I am in for tt. Pen. If I really believed this note the last of tUy I would not take a step to Ha'e. But I know it is simply of a enes I have re oeiVed regularly for a month past, I will receive to morrow, forever, so long as Mabel Grant is a single woman. And now she has seen fit to fall in loVe with "Sbe " ' Tbe word burat suddenly from Dick Penraven'a lips with a force to make me start and stare in my hardest fashion: Why, what on earth is the matter with you, Pen t You are a Utile like the man "Bnt the odd look in- bia face changed auddenly to a smile. In his old jaunty way be interrupted me: "The old fellow. I should say. Jack But it was quite too much for me the thought of you marrying Mabel Grant." "And why J", . "Such a fellow as yoa to marry Mabel GrantT . . "And why ? You know her ? What on earth are you driving at P I conld only jerk out the woids and atare at bim Why ? ion do not know ber--tbat is evident. I will cast you her photo graph. A girl a blonde they rail per yes, a decided blonde ; for her eyes are of the palest of china blue, bulgingfsau cers on tbe grandest scaV, bef hair flaxy- frizzly, almost tte tint'of her skin, where the thick-sown, freckles' "winiet it show. Add, to' this her nose, J midway 'twix' point and pug; her thick waist, lengthy fingers but sarely, Jack it is enough. I should dislike to see you tbe husband of such a girl. ' Come; give over this busi ness and go with me to tbe islet" I regarded . him for a moment, silent. He was a disappointed boy, I knew; to what lengths such a thing might drive bim to what a length I The words flash ed back to me and I laughed. Yet the serious, earnest look on Dick Penraven's face forbade a doubt; I did not doubt 'hongh oddly that same moment I made op my mind. ' ! ' ; : "No ; I shalt go down to Hale,' I said "After thiB T - "Yes, to satisfy Rsy and have it over. Of course I shall not love her, Pen. But good-by; I am off at once." "Yes, but Jack" - : . ' t laughed again ; Dick Penraven's pro testing voice was lost in tbe hearty peals r rough t by bis description as I walked away. you oniv cooinj' . mev came again as Ray s words flashed back; altogether there was troth in it,l (bought. I was beginning to take a strange in terest in Mabel Grant. It bad been my year-long desire to fall in love nntbiuk- ingly, naturally, as. was my notion of the thing. Uatil this 1 bad resisted the many crafty maohlo&uons of mv more practi cally minded sister; until this, secretly unto mv odd hope, I had resisted wo- manHid. And I bad not fallen in love; I was twenty-eight years old next birth day, and I was not yet in love. But, al together, I was beginning to take strange interest in this girl a sndden fascinating desire to see her Which I had never felt before. Could it be that I was to fall tn love with ber ? The question came to me as I left the cars at tbe little station and walked on to Mabel Grant. With it the picture. It was not a pleas ant one. bnt rate was rate and stranger things had cbaDced. 1 did not laugh again; I-could not telp a,very shudder as I stepped upon tbe pretty tine-clad porch at Hale and rang my entrance to her. ' ."Miss Grant'?"" ' ' " v "Yea.'T ' ' I bad a fancy I wonld find Dick at' Islet,- so-1 look tbe night-boat thither. 1 most find him at all events;' some way I Speedily must be revenged on him for tbe grim trick be bad played and other things. Ear that was a pretty, dark-eyed girl -whq bad come down to me that day at' Hale to be stared at as my eyct bad never stared at a girl before, : "Mtas Grant r" -"Yes; and you, I presume, are Mrs Geoffrey's brother.-1 have heard a great deal of yotfrom Mrs. Geoffrey and I am very happy to meet you, Mr. Dare." A pretty girl, but I did not fall in love with 'ber;' after 'that first' moment of amazement she was as other airls to me Worse, ' I scarce heard what she said ; I barely looked at ber; as quickly as de cency would permit I went away. I had but one set of sensations as I walked back to the train; odd things growing grief, bitterness for the loss of Mabel Grant, wild longings for the saucer eyes, tbe flaxy frizi'y locks, tbe sum total of that nnpleasing picture at which fate and I had laughed. It grew a fascination ; for the first, myth as it were, it moved a passion in my eoul which made me mad for it. . A thought quickly lolned thereto tbe thought o( Dick fenraven. It was his joke; to this state be bad brought me; in some way I must be revenged on bim. Howf It was a little sail to Islet, but every moment I eat and pondered the momen tous question and, for all my abstraction, casting frequent glances at the fair eirl sitting near me, seemingly like me, lost in dreams She interested me despite it; she grew to me, oddly tbe more each moment a beautiful Mabel Grant, if such a thing might be. . "She" . " . . There had come no pain to me, no light till, with tbe sharp grating of tbe hoat in the dock at Islet,two words flash ed to tell me all, to give me all tbe mad dest man could ask. to thwart a foe. . It was so plain I laughed gleefully as I followed my beautiful Mabel Grant np tbe quay. Pen was" in love with tbe pretty girl ; through fear, through jeal ousy, to dissuade me from seeking ber band be had invented his little tale. It was no wonder, in my mood. I laughed under the sudden delightful fancy that I conld make the pretty girl in love with me. : I could do it. I would go back and apare no time, no pains, till I had revenged mvself on Dick Penraven and made Mabel Grant my wife. " . It was a little matter to be a fool npon hut I was until now an unatirred soul. The bells of Islet were striking 10 as in voluntarily I turned npon the wbarf I would go immediately back to town, to Hale, tbe Brat thing on the morrow, but unfortunately the route from Islet left me out in its provisions there was no boat till morning; there was naught but to walk to the little inn cn the crest above. Light brought no calmer mood. Early I was astir, and rnshed down tbe cliff in a most disordered stale or toilet at tbe arnlng whistle of a boat, which left even earlier than I thought. But it chanc ed there was a ourve,and it chanced that, 1 darting round it, I came npon a white robed creature With such force as to dash tbe flowers she bad been plucking out of ber hands. 'I knew her at a glance; it was my beautiful Mabel Grant. But that fantasy I bad qnitef forgotten ; even for courtesy I did not care. 1 was ma king a 'mad plunge past her when the sndden view of the stesmer gliding se renely out of the dock brought me to a frowning standstill. She raised her soft pretty eyes to mine. "I am so sorry ; you have lost your boat." . . - The voice was like them ; it shamed me down at once. O, not at all not at all isn't ol the slightest consequence," I stammered, starting eagerly tor the scattered flowers "Yoa live about Islet, Miss." It was unintentionally impudent; it was absurd ; but the white-robed creature only smiled. ,i ,. ; "We took a cottage here only yester day. I-ara out early, perhaps, you think ; hut I am on my way to meet cousin Nell, wbo comes down by tbe. first boat this morning." . , Ob ! " I scarcely know what I answered ; there was a strange feeling coming over me as I . placed the last flower in her pretty band, and unthink ingly walked along beside ber. "Bungling saucers flaxy-frizzly" There was a laugh in my heart at tbe nnpleasing picture suddenly fbating back to me a laugh which the fair, -swe-t face beside me kept back from my lips. And then I do not know how it was tt was all" a mistery, a wonder, as we walked along, breaking by degrees from tbe beaten path as this or that bright flower won her, while I looked into ber eyes and thought only bow beautiful tbey were; to laugh again Inwardly at the bundling ssocer of my cherished myth all, only, ' until suddenly we emerged again to see the boat at the dock, and a tall boyish figure hurrying up the path to us Dick!'" It was a gasp more than a word ; she turned not tr bim, but me, with a guilty, frightened air. "I did not think." she went on, faintly, I never think. And 1 am afraid it may be all very dreadful, for Dick U so- so" It wss a moment of amazement, of flashing revelation, as the tall figure strode np closely, and a set, an'gry face looked into mine. And, prav, may I ask what yoa are doing here with Mabel Grant 7 I could make no answer; I conld only stare from him to ber. A long minute; eilentlv. tilla fresh vision rose beside me. I turned t ) see tbe dark ryes of that sir of yesterday smiling down al me. ft "Mabel!" . "Yes; but, Nilhe cousin, I do not care, I say. "When sTman resorts td socu means . , r "Bul l t!ll von I do hot care. ' I love him, and I shall marry bim all the same' I sat below the cliff at . Islet hearing the talk of two above. Two weeks bad passed, bnt I had not gone away;. I bad staid, employing every possible moment for the winning of tbe love of-a eirl.. I loved so madly I could see no bar be tween. For the 'time had come',; that startling rnoiment of the morning it bad flashed on me, to grow ere tbe sunset a iv:ng thing, of madness from which I could not be moved. ' -; 1 ' ; Y ' It was a sweet, simple fact; I was in love at last with Mabel Grant. It mat. tered not that I saw that very moment where her heart was Ex d, that sue - was so far removed from me as though she were dead.'T-Fo"r .there' was -this, bard fact 16Mhwa'rr"me4,That sme day I went to Hale Penraven had chanced upon hef on tbe street, despite , bad made passionate proposal, and had comedown to Islet her accepted lover. Bat it mat tered not; e'en the more eagerly I strove for the love of this girl I loved so madly, conld see no bar between. , :,. i stopped at nothing. 1 was mean. I was.contemptable, now I know; bat-1 did not know it then or I did not care This was, at last, the little . note I sent ber: . "Her eyes the palest of china blue, bulging saucers on tbo grandest scale ; ber bair flaxy ftizzty, almost tbe lint of ber skin where the thick-sown freckles will let it show. Add to this her nose, mvlWay 'twiit point and pug: her thick waist, ber lengthy fingers, etc. Miss Grant, this is what your fond lover said of your" r . v Iv was a last desperate stroke, surely it would touch her; no . girl c-iuld s and words like, these from man. So I exul ted, never more madly than that mo ment. The coming day I --sat beneath the cliff,- to hear the sudden burst of Voices Just above me, to hear my just punishment that she bad told bim all ; that she bad' believed bis explanation, that she yet loved Dick Penraven ' "I shall marry him all the same." : It was tbe end 1 tbe voices died . and tbe passing: steps.. The end, of, M able Grant. What that meant for, me. I thought, as I eat a' bit and shivered. As I rose wearily and' followed, to wan der far and wide through the glens of Islet, how long I know not, each moment more wearily, more desperately, till at last, unconsciously nearing tbe little inn upon tbe cre-t, a faint voice brofte in upon mef ' "Mr. Dare r . - I-torned to see the , pretty, dark-eyed girl who had bo confused me the other day. ... "I I am so Forrv, she went on, strangely; "I tried my best, but I could not help it.,, They have gone off to be married, Mr Dare." t . "Yes?" It was the one word I conld gasp ; but, despite my pain, I could but atare at the working face. "Yes ; and I tried so hard because I knew you did not want it j because I knew you would -feel so badly, though a man is a fool, Mr. Dare, wben he when he" - ' I look back often to wonder at that moment It was certainly a very strange thing that I did ; a man with an ache in bis heart for one woman one woman in the world. But here was girl un consciously baring her heart to me, and it grew so suddenly sweet that some one on this earth loved me this girl at mv side so suddenly an essential, I could not for the life of me have staid the words upon ihy lips i ! "When he knows some one else loves bim sol 'It wa8 1 yar 8oaI t0 Bv it you know it was Miss Grant. Would you be willing to to forgiVe me, and to marry me Borne dayB?" She Stared, she struggled a good "bit, 1 could see, ere in that blessed why she broke down and answered, softly i ' "I I know I ought pot toj Mr Dare I ought not, but it was all a mistake, and it was all a. mistake, and it was 1 fell in love with you that day lit Ham ish ; I ought not to have passed mV- self off as Mabel, that other day, but I conld not help it, and and " "And?" It was certainly a very strange thing that I did, ft-. .- .ft-. "You are a fool. Yon could have married Mabel Grant if you bad cboserr, and this 1s the last t shall do for you." "Tbis'wss the text of the note I re ceived from Mrs. Geoffrey the morning after Penraven's wedding A strange story ; bnt 1 laughed aloud as I went down to Neil in the little parlor. " I was already a very happy fool I ; You Can Have It. . "My dear, what would I give to hate your hair ?" is often esid by middle aged ladies to young ones. Madam, you may hive just snob hair. Parker's Hair Bal sam will give it to you. It will stop your bair from falling off, restore tbe origins! color and make it long, thick, soft aod glossy. , You: need not stand helplessly envying tbe girls. Tbe Bal sam is not oilv. not a dve. bul is an ele gant dressing, and is especially recom mended for its cleanliness and purity" The Finest Church In America. A Minneapolis artist wbo bas been do ing Alaska during bis summer vacation says that all the members of his party, and there were sevsnty-nve or mem, agreed that tbe Greek church at Sitka h the finest churou.-in America. It Is bni't on the plan of a Gretk cross, and tbe interior is a mass of gold and silver, of the magnificence of which the writer says be can give no idea. Tbe walla are bung with portraits of royalty and the pnesl- hood, sent by a Rust Ian princess wbo took this temple.. under - her patronage Wbo would have thought or going to Alaska for an architectural masterpiece ? y Monuments , Headstones and Tab lets of any design and of any materia 25 per Cent. Cheaper than any other stableibbment in Monroe or adjoining counties, at the Miltonsburg Marble Works, J. M. Ebertb, Proprietor. , i - "Do cata think?" queries a writer Yes, tbey sometimes think that the man no in the window with tbe night-cap on $ a mighty poor shot with a bdjt-jack and Nonsense.' ' .-,"".r -f- mr-.f Fob Colds, Crodp, AstbmaI Broh- CHiTis and Sore Throat nse Dr. Thomas Eclectrio Oil, and get the genuine. . .i: An ancient maiden Subscribed for an agricultural paper because she iad beard. its "Notes on Husbandry" well spoken of.' , , "The half-dollar of 1825 is not rare," says a f hiladclpbia. authority. Indeed, no. It is tbe half dollar of 1884 that is rare.-.... , . . :- . Purify Tonr blood, tone np the syr. lens, and regulate the digestive organs by taking Hood's Sarsaparilla.'' Sold by all druggists. :' , When Clara was asked what she would do if a niceyoong gentlewao-wouid, ak ner nand in marriage, ene naively. re plied : "I don't think I'd no." , 4 s An ' apothecary asserted in a large company "that all bitter thing were hot." "Na," replie I a physician, "a bit ter cold day is an exception." ' It is said that a camel. can beat all other animals in a long, hot race. -That is because the camel doesn't have to bump itself to get along fast. ' ' ' -' -Tbere i9 one tbiog certain' about fn vesting irr telephone stocks. 'It is i sound investment.- It is' not, however, equal to a telegraph instrument, for that is sounder . .,. ;. ,.r Mr. Ayer, the rich erocer of Boston, has hnilt nn the Back Bay section $250,000 pile of granite the "First Spiritual Temple" to be used by" the spiritualists.' ' ' : " ' "My name is Somerset," writsa punster. I am a miserable bachelor cannot marry ; for how conld I prevail on any young ladv possessed; of tbe slightest notion of delicacy to tarn i Somerset.?, , , , . .., . . A Mexican priest claims to have dis covered a key to the Aztec writings, but that is nothing. What a mtirn wants is a key that the average politician ' can find when be comes borne late from ward meeting. .., ; Ul, ., A correspondent asks t "Plea'se advise me what, a bald bead denotes. I find that some people grow, bald sooner thsn others." We have always labored no der, the impression A bald head denoted an absence ot bair. ... ' . A fruit erowef with twentvflve vesr's experience Comes to the conclusion .that dwerf pears, are .Inferior to standards. P. T. Barnaul, however has made dwarf pairs profitable, where. standards, would not have begun to pay . ' ' ' An absent-minded teacher amused ber lass at the re-opentng of a school, the other day. Having carefully reci-ived the names in tbe clats from each mem ber, she said i "I shall now call the roll, to see if you are all present. . . "Oh, I do dote on ihe sea," she gur gled. "If you only had a yacht, Augus tus, near r "l nave no yscnt, wunel mina, he sighed, "bnt I can give yntj a little smack." And then it sounded aa if a cork bad flown out of a bottle. Scientists say in 16,000,000 years there, will not be a drop of water on the earth. The $t. John party "don t scare worth a cent at this predictionbut it is calculated to create great uneasiness in the minds of circus lemonade Venders, .... V Mother : "Do harry np, Ribbie; un less you hurry more you'll' neVef he anything of a husiness man -when vou grow , np.wBftbbie ! "0, yes,I will, ma, Wben I grow up and go into busi ness, I'll have a lorof -clerks to do my hurrying for me.' - My phvsician said I cnuld not live.my liver- out of order, frequently vortited greenish mucous, skin yellow, small dry humors do face, stomach would not re tain food. Burdock Blood Bitters cared me. Mrs. Adelaide G'Brieu,- S7S Ex change St , Buffalo, K. Y. : A Scotchman, bo goes the story, stand- ng fcyuhe family; ; grave, .said i f'TueiftJ lw-my gran fattier and in u aran'.niotaar,- and my ain father and mither, and there lies toy briiher Bob,n(.,my pair; girl Jenbie.Ond. there. Hea ny wife I and,;i I'm spared Ijere I H lie,, top.'-j. j The Digger Iniians have incurred our everlasting animosity by-' predicting "an "open winter.': ;.When the Digger In diana promise an open winter tbe weath er is so cold thiitt iron bitching posts split open, and There are six weeks of down to z ro weatjier in January. - "Sir," said a barber to a lawyer wbo was passing bis door, "will you tell me rf ibis is Sj-good ten-shilling-piece?" Tbe lswyer, pronouncing the piece good, deposited it in his waistcoat pocket, ad ding, with great gravity : "If you'll let your lad ron round to my office. 1 11 send yoa nacK me tnreeanaiourpecce change." . - Why, I'diln't know that young Smith was married !" exclaimed a h'e insurance agent. "Wben did the mar riage take place ?" I don't know," was the reply : "only a short time ago, I think." The agent went in great haste to Mr. Smith's office presently returned. "I am too late," he said, banging up his hat dejectedly ; "the honeymoon is over, "What'B tbe matter with your eve, old man; somebody hit your "les. I told Smith last right that -be was no gentleman and he pasted me one "Did you wipe out the insult?',', "I didn't, but I went right home and my wife wiped it ont an well as she could: I may have to outgrow some of it. Good day ; there comes Smith now." J. U claimed that a new species of hip popotamus has been discovered on a remote part of the River Nile. This in telligence wl 1 be received with n de greeof great satisf scion; Next to An other professional base-ball club there was nothing tb's country yearned for with a more yearning yearhfti'nesa than new species of hlitpopolamui. JVef- ritto0n Herald. A young man who applied for'a'po aition on the editorial staff of ft' political organ was asked if be possessed the &e cessarv Qualifications tor tbe duties or political editor, aa they wished a man who could show np the opposition can dilates ia tbeir true colors. ."Qialifl cations for such position? said tne voung man, with I tinge of contempt in bis voice. "Well, I should eay I did. I have been wrMng circu) advertiitmente for two seasons," - He was engaged. , .OXFORD BUCtf-DOGS. The ; Way T Catch the Young Men Who Aj-fjOrft at NIffhU, , . At about -ich-Viock-every -flight one of tbe proetoMritb his attendant "boll-dogs' aalUektb into, tlietrets. hotels and MJiarji-rooms. of Oxford. collecting (pea for Uft. university chest. As the pen ty fpr .being out , after dusk without car. ana gown is five'sbillings. and the practice "is almost oniversal, a rich harvest 1s reaped from bff field of labor. And addition!-five 'shillings is charged if tbe offense ' is aggravated ly smoking !r--. m , :ti im, .(,i u., ; .There, afe occasions of nor8e, when it is impossible to avaia being "proctor ized," vbaUthe., student oon becomes accustomed to certain signs .which in fallibly derate a proctor's approach, and Italteaate teiude. bim.i - .The 'follow. ling arana.orinary . symptoms : Tbe treet is armormally empty; a qiick and teady tramp ' is beard in tbe distance (ibis is most auspicious; for it is tbe Ushion of under graduates to lounge Very slowly): three men appear march ng Close tcgether, and al eome'dfstanfie' behind tbem a cap and gown are discern ible. I ben it is time to be off. , . When a csptore Is made the victim Is treated 'with elaborate politeness: ' It takes place somewhat after this fashion. Jones a returning from a concert, and has nearly reached bis college, gales, wben suddenly, turning a snarp corner he runs straight into tbe arms of a J'buil' dog". . ..." . . ... The man touches his hat.' If yon please, sir, the proctor - wishes to speak to you." 7 ' Before Jones baa-recovered from the shock, that functionary advances, raises his cap with a bow, and inquires! . -"Are you a member of ibis universi ty, air?" ... rf t ; "Yes," says Jonea. ' " ' ;"What js your name and eollsge,alr V Jones, of, St. Boniface." '"Will you please 'call on Mr.' Huhfer of AH Saints at nine o'clock to-morrow morning? Good night, sir.". And again raising his hat-he Bails away, leav ing Jones sick at the thought of having been caught within twenty, varda ef his own rooms, CatteU t Family Magaxint. A Bootblack's Sorrow. ' -.Yk-.'N. Thailand Express.! j A rsy of aunl(gbt(-tipped the nose of a bootblack who stood at the entrance to the bridge this morning. 'HlsVtox hong from a strap held In his right band : be looked as sad aa a debated candidate lis. tenlng to election retarns ' 1 " ' . "Shine Vm np, mister?" f Tben as tbe boy used .his brushes at a lively . rate the. reporter asked him why be waa so glum. "Ko business." ; . ! - "Too many bootblacks 7" ; "No; but the people's getting too high-toned. A fellow like me with a box's got no show . Folks now wants to sit down," get their clothes brushed, and shine, all for 5 cents. Do ther get it. Guess they does. On nearly every block now fellers has reg'lar boolblack stands with brass mounted chairs and papers for customers to read while their boots are getting shined. What show ha a fellow like me got ? Can't I get a chair ? No; couldn't get a' place to put it if. I did" . A moment later the tittle Arab bad forgotten all about his troubles and was matching pennies with a comrade to see which should buy a package of cigar ettes. ' . the British Arntfih Ireland. ' . rhiladelphia Inquirer. 1 ! 'The British ' army returns jast issued show the military force maintained in Ireland during 1883 was 23.494 men. ex clusive ot officers Of these- .17 711 were infantiy, 2234 artillery and , 3357 cavalry. Tbii number shows a falling off of nearlv 5000 on the previous yesr 2000 on 18811 but it i higher than the total for any other year since 1873. Tb number of recruits .raised in Ireland during iS83 was 2979, which Is higher than the numbers for 1881 and 1882, but less than tbe totals for each of: the. five vears preceding . Tbe total nam bef of Irishmen at present iq the army is,' 'ac cording to the return, 31,700. ' ft oats, Bicycles and Hay lever. 'With tbe opening of the season Tof outdoor sports comes the time of trouble for the poor victims of Hay FeVer. For tbem flowers have do odor, and the sum. mer little or no beauty. To snuff.sneeze and wipe thtir weerlng eyea for three or four successive months i this is their pitiable portion. There is no help in sea-voyagts, there is no help' in hub mountain air. These only lighten tbe pocket and leave tbe disease unanaud, But there ii a po-iive cure in Ely's Cream Balm Try it If you continue to suffer it is because you neglect a rem edy as sure as it is cheap and pleasant. v A Capital Scheme. .. ; "What do yoa'do .when . people come in ;and bore you?". a. warm personal friend asked a merchant, "When they stay too long, the office boy, - who 1 is very bright and knows when to interfere, tells me that a gen lleman is In tbe counting room Wailing to see me on important'business., "Ha! ha I -That's a capital way to get rid of bores who don'fknow " . Just tben the boy opened the door and sang out t ' ' ' "Gent in the conntin room waitin' to see yon on important business ' . A California eduur recently atternp ed to telegraph to friends ii a nttzb- borjng town: 'Cannot be down liilf1 Thursday foreman drunk." Ha went down on Thursday and was astonished bv the hilarious, manner in which hi fiiends received him, it came out that the telegram, when received, read: "Cannot come down till Thursday forenoon drunk." One of nnr literary celebrators, hap pening not long ago to visit a ladv of his acquaintance, found her engaged in watching with great interest tbe freaks ot a tame raven bopping about the room "Come and aee my purchase," the said. I bought him yesterday," "In memory of Edgar Foe ? be asked. "No," she re plied. "You'll never guess why" "I gave it up." "Well, tben, I Was told that ravens live three hundred years, so I t lought I would bay obs just to tat Is fy myself whether they did or not," Old Notions' Concerning Brladea-i ' " -. , ,roan ; . . ' ' Jlnstead of being, -so' many gracefet ornaments at tbe marriage ceremony, as) nowadays, tbe brides maids; fn olde. times had; various duties , aligned try them - Thus one of their principal task ws dressing the bride on her wedding -morningr-wbftn any omisetoaia-kef-toUw. ' el was laid to their charge. At a wed ' ding, too.' wbete it was arranged that tb oriae sDooirt oe Tollirwed by numerous train of bef lady friends, (t was tke first . bridesmaid's duty td play ' the part Of drill mistress, "sizing" tbem, so that "ao . pair in the procession were followefl'by x a taller couple.": t She 'was -also expect ed to see itiat eacli . bridesmaid was not only duly provided with a sprig of rpo roary, or .a-norai posy pinned to thft bre a.tfpld of ber dress, but hsd a ayn bolical chaplet fn. her hand.. In msry parts-of Grrnrsnyit -istiii cflbtwBarr for the bridesmaids to bring tbe myrtle wreath,' whifch Ihev have subscribed) Hu ge' her to purchase on tbe nuptial eye, to tbehd"naecT the pride," antt"WTenrig i frora her bead at tbe close of the wed ding day. After this has been dhne, tbw bride la ' blindfolded; and - the myrtle) wreath belug put Imo her hn jlJeHr1 to place it on the -bd of one of Ber bridesmaids as they dancr round ber; for, in accordance wtth an old belief, whoever she crowns is sore' to be tsar' ried within a year ffom that date. A,t may be imagined this ceremony is tba source of no smair excitement, each) bridesmaids being" naturally anxious tr follow the example of tbe bride.,. .Re ferring once more to .the . bridal wreath and cha pled, it is still a current potion in manv parts of our-own country that the bride in removing -these must take special care that her-tridesmaids throw away every pin ; Not only is it 'affirmed that misfortune will overUke the bride t who retains even one pin nsed in ; her "marriage toilet! but woe also to the bridesmaids if they keep any of them, t as their prospects of -marriage will there, by be -materially , lessened.' CamtWt -Family Magawine. ). T A Tale ol 8animer Time. , Burlington Hawkeye. 4 .. . . A Sealskin C oak, slumbering In a cedar closet awoke with a alart and be held a suit of Summer Flannels climbing j upon an adjacent hook. . Mercy- on mer exclaimed tbe Seal skin Cloak, "are yon here already?. It, seems to me I havabardly been asleep '" at all! ' What time of tbe year Is it?".- "Oh," said the Summer F.annels, 'lie. still ; don't get np; it's only tbelast week in June, but I've played the loudest joke on tbe boss Got him to ron down to ( tbe country with m,.wbere I bad. an ap-' pointment -with a Cold Wave, and we fixed him up with a new kind of catarrh, a touch of rheumatism,. sore throat, cold) in tbe head, neuralgia, lambsgo and stiff neck. He fired me out ot the window last night aod vows that he'll irever,never ; . go with me again." , - what will vou dor" asked tbe Seal skin Cloak. .' Oi, Til stay here,1' said the Summer Flannels. I'll be wanted ngain. He'll . . wear his winter. Flannels till he has a sunstroke, and then just before the pext ' cold spell he II come around after me; I know his ways." ! Horrid T. said the Sealskin sleepily and silence reigned. ' . , 1 , tW John M, Eberl, Proprietor of (he Miltonsburg Marble Works, is pre pared to furnish Monuments, Tablets -and Tombstones 25 PCf.CenU lower ' than any other establishment ia Monroe f county. Work from his shops can be ' seen all over the connty.1 ' '' ' ' 1 u : -' AQueerstory. - - There is a cheap clothing dealer Kearney, near California, whose oonfl-' dence in mankind has received a severe setback,. Tbe other day an honest look ing codntry man walked into' his atore and said .' '., ",; ' "Too rcmesiber that secood'hand overcoat I bought here for eight dollars yesterday?'.. ":' ' . "Never dakes back anitingV'Ven Vonce Bolt,'mf frent," said thehand-me: downer. - . . . . Oi ! that's all right. I just wanted to say' that I found this five hundred., dollar bill sewed in the lining, Perhaps the owner may call for it." 1 'Of gorse be vill he baa call alreadtft my tear friend," exclaimed the dealer eagerly Capturing the money. "You lab, von honish man. Here I gif you feefty toiler ash a revard, Dot vill pe all right. Wen tbe honest customer got around lbs corner he murmured softly I "I guess I'd better take this fifty and skip tip td Portland, before that sheeny tumbles to that counterfeit. tt'a getting mighty bard to shove the vqueer' . round these part, and that's a Xaot.'-ian jrVaitefsV - jtyJoHH M. Ebeblb, Proprietor of the Miltonsburg Marble Works, is prr pared to furnish Monuments,' Tablets and Tombstones Sii5 per CCut. lo Wer than any other establwumeul. iu Monn e county t Work from his ehops can. la seen all oVer tbe countyi. ... " " ' . Bulning" a Boy. y ' ... :. fjhrouiole 'Undertones.". . t know a young boy wbo Is. being simply ruined in his education by hn -rootncfi tie is 8 yesrs old, with all Ike uuble Instinct of probity and obedience which generally characterize a boy's na ture. Tuis tendea parent haa instructed bim that whenever be gets on a ear tbe appearance of the conductor to col lect the fare reduces bis age under 6 He bis been educated to give that figure when asked by anybody wbo wants to -collect money for his transportation. Recently a friend of the family was dis playing bis interest in the child by inqui ring bis age, Ihe little fallow hesitated a moment, And tben looked up at his mother: ' "Mamma, is be a conductor 7" If , child " . .. "Tben I am 8 years old." twit you want Monuments, Head stones or anything in that line, John M. Eberlb, Proprietor ot tbe Miltonsburg Marble Works," is prepared to supply your wante 25 per Cent. CDCaper than any other estaoiishment'' In Monroe County. - His work recommends- itself.