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The Vinton record. (M'arthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1866-1891, February 21, 1867, Image 1

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Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn85038222/1867-02-21/ed-1/seq-1/

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m tytm fmtm $tmi
At urattoirs Building, East of the
Tear, mi t-r
lisrht months. . .... 'J
Tour months, V!
V mon. Ir, .!... i ' V. OU
....... nmuimo m an cases,
B. A. Dratton,
a 1 1 unit Hi AT LAW. HqARTIIITK. nnm
t. . i"!Uend,t0.!' l0' bnwneiM .ntruhtod
. Ii i. ln lnl011! A them, Jacle-n
Bom, 'locking, andadjolnlnscpmilie.. 1'artlo.
7 on g:,V6n l? ,h c"ion of.oldiers
pvuaiuna, oouni ea, arreare of
ih. U 8 or Ohio ffilUJi. , Cr
a raid cluiras.
llatk Pay, Bounty and Pen-
' 810H9 '
WILlba collocted promptly br
an . v WahtiIUR, OHIO,
i,1?to?.' "J . entitled
"""V Dd 'enaiona, and wld
7 T Tiii .' Dfolhara, and .Mars of
leaded t 9 I"ci tly at
- AlCHIBLD tato;
, . II. II. & A. Mayo,
ntro...d tnbum.
Arthnr, Ohio,
winoo ia court Homo, M
jun 3y
Archibald Mayo,
CLAIM AOENT. Buck Tay, B.uity and
fenaioi.a will b promptly Oallnotod. Of-
c n me court lion., Mo Irthur, Ohio. A II
...uinra wno ara en u i ii'it by luw to baok pry
bounty and pensions, and .lm
owe, father, mothors, orotbera andti-ttora wiU
wtnipui autnu.d to. jaU8y
J.J. McDowell,
will ms lii'fl In Vintnn .. .1 .i:..:..t - '
. aiu, i-oprcy uuecior or lutornul Kov
eime. 0-HceintlioVintonCo.B-.uk. jmSl
Homer . Jones,
will attend proTnf!j ta all business ntrin-
ted to hia care.
HTTccth extracted by tho use of Laioii-
. XV. J. XVi tx
Building; Mo A rliur, O
Watohas.Clooki, Jowelry,
band. Ropairiiif dono loor.la
Ii, Ilulbert'a
alwoj on
Salisbury, Itrodicr & Co.,
Xxtensivt Manufacturers and Importer! of
Gold, Plate & Oreide Jewelry,
Ainerican.Eiillsh & Swiss Watches,
' And Eviry description of
E Fancy Goodi and Yankee Nntinui,
SPhCIAI.LY adapted and dofignod for
8othkbx and Whtihn Tbadk. Circu-
lara and rull descriptive Trice Lists ier.t free.
Agenta wanted vervwhre. Addrera,
novSmS H Burrnaoa St., I'rovidence, R.I.
Joseph j. Mcdowell, rrei't.
H. S. Bun'dy, E. D. Dodo A. Wolf,
H. F.Austin, D.V.Uanxels, F. Stbo.vo,
A. A. Austin.
Bank of Discount and Deposit.
"Will buy and sell Government Sccuil
tlcs, Bonds, Ac.
Collections niado at tho usual rates.
Change of Time.
M. & C. It. It., TIME TABLE.
FROM and alter Sunday the lfith day of Doc.
1868, Trains will loava Stations named as
follows :
0 15 a m
1 57 p m
3 30 p in
3 52 p m
4 13 p m
8 03 pm
eoiNd west,
0 40 a m
10 10 a ui
10 33 a m
10 45 a m
12 23 p m
6 00 pm
Night Ex.
12 35 a in
5 05 a m
C 28 a in
6 41 a in
7 01 a c
10 43 a m
Fight Ex.
7 05 p in
11 00 p m
11 31 pm
11 42 p m
5 50 a in
Corner of Front and Madison Street!,
Portsmouth, Ohio.
BUY all kinds of Country produce.
TUDE, and the eirora, abuses and diaeaes
whiob deatroy the wanly powers, and create
Impediments to marriage, with anre means of
' relief. Sent Fret of Charge, in sealed leUer en
velopes. Address
' Howard Aeaooiation, Philadelphia, Pa.
- aglSyl
T1LANKS of every description, for salt
at this office.
- - - ' I , :.l
[From the Saturday Evening Post.]
How long since my footsteps seught
A lonely bower by tlic stream?
How long ? nlas, the years have gone,
And kit their uicmery as a drauu.
A MCnm !'twas not f life's wild storm
iii-n Dy its oniiks 1 loved to roam;
And from its mtrllnn- vntira lirlirhl
Take pebbles to my cliildhootT's home
How long ago I gathered moss
Out of tho jrreeirnnd shady dell r
Or by the rippling waters roved
As fancy wove her magic spell ?
It was a dream a ili eiim of joys
In future days-days yet to conif ;
Hit now a mocking sunbeam bright
nun lures me back to childhood's home !
Ttvns then tho purling waves were bright
'lis now the waters o'er me flowf
A H iiH men niezepiiyrs fanned my check
1 is now that storms and tempests blow
2ot now, 'twas then I loved to rove-
Not then, 'tis now life's storm is clar
Jot then I heard the temni-sr rnr-
.."lis now the billows toss my barque I
Is all that's left a pleasing dream ?
Ah, no, 'tis not a vision bright :
But hero and there a ritted cloud,
Gives now and then a rav of light.
BY WILLIAM W. WALKER. Highly Amusing Story.
Joe Bower's Wedding.
Ihe county of . "awav ur
in the mountains," boasts of ono of
uio best judges in California. On
me bench he is firm, decided and
prompt, not canng a snap of tho
linger for either tho applauso of
inenci3 or the muttering of ene
mies, lie is, perhaps, the most de
voted man to the Jaw in all crea
tion, ana has Ins head so full of
what he terms "judicial talk," that
le not unfrequently finds himself
makiDC learned charges, and rmss-
; sentence outside the court
On a recent occasion the iutlaie
was called to exercise tho "power
and authority in him vested," in
the case of a young couole who
desired wedlock. . Of course he
consented to perform the pleasant
duty, and on the appointed even
ing was promptly on hand at the
lour at which the affair was to
come off. The room was crowded
by tho beauty and fashion of the
town, and none looked more digni
fied or happy than the judge him
self who was dressed within an
inch of his life.
The wine had passed around the
room, the music had ceased the
timo for makinsr JoscdIi IJowors
and Nancy Harkins one, had (ir-
rived. Every lieart throbbed with
tho most delightful emotions. The
young gentlemen desired to know
how Joe would stand it and the
young ladies were anxious to see
how Nancy would pass the ordeal.
Others again, who had closely ob
served the turn of affairs during
the evening, fixed their attention
upon the judge, to see how he
would come out of the scrape.
At length the trying moment was
announced, the judgo rose very
cautiously from the chair which he
occupied in one corner of the room,
and casting hi3 eyes over the com
pany he singled out the sheriff of
the county, who was present as an
invited guest. The judge had just
imbibed enough to make him for
get the nature of his business. -He
was lull of his "judicial talk," and
required nothing but the presence
the sheriS to start him. Look
ing sternly at that officer, he shout
ed: "Mr. Sheriff, open the court, and
call order."
A general twitter followed this
command, in the midst of which
Mr. Sheriff took the "court" by the
arm and led him to his seat in the
corner, at the same time informing
the august personage of the mis
take. Everything now bid fair for a
pleasant and sudden termination of
tho affair, until another annoyance,
which was nothing else than the
absence of the bridegroom, was
observed. It' turned out that he
had just stepped acrots the street
join his friends in a parting
drink; but before his return, some
cool-blooded wag had whispered
into the ear of our old fogy the
cause of "the delay of the proceed
ing." Instantly tl e chair in the
corner moved, and in that direction
all eyes were fixed.
"Mr. Sheriff," slowly bawled the
judge, "bring Joe into the court on
supenar," (the judge had his own
way of pronouncing the word;)
then, addressing the bride, who had
stood in the foreground and hung
her head in deep confusion, he ad
ded: "I suppose you are the plaintiff?
Well, don't take on. Inrto
cence and virtue will be protected
iu mis nere court.
This was the saddest blunder of
all. The judge was again made to
see his mistake, and would have
been considerably set back had it
net been for a corrective in th
shape of "foity drops of the critter.
t. - i-.ii .... '
wincu lie insianuy applied.
in a lew moments all was ready
in ngnc ciown earnest. Tho bride
groom had arrived, lull of joy
The excitement was intense. lie
evidently felt every inch a iudc-e.
"J-J-o-e IJ-B-o iv-e r-8." commen
ced the man of law, in that distress
ing style of speech with which he
was invariably troubled when un
aer the influence of liquor. "Joe
Howers, stand up. Have you any
thing to s-s-s-say w-w-whv s-s-sen
tence "
"Stop, stop. stop. Judre " shouts
tne shenll, lrom the back nart nf
. A j i .
wjv luum. - vuu ura not, Eoinsr to
i,nim, LI ..... . A i J .
hang the man, but marry him.'
ihe Judge drew a lone breath
and blinked rapidly, but he stood
his ground well. Kecovering him
self he proceeded x
11 I I 1 Tl .
j-u-o-e j3-x.-o-w-e-r-s. uo v-vou
J. . 1 avr TT TT W V
iukb nancy n narKins lor v-vour
wne so help me Uodr
i. -
Ihis was a tolerable effort, and
joe- noodea assent. .
T - '
"N-Nancy Harkins, it now re
mains for this court to "
Here the sheriff again interrupt-
ed the judge, reminding him of the
real business of the evening.
"Miss N-Nancy " resumed the
judge, after being set aright, "d-do
y-you -i,iKe joe li-uowers lor a
.lubuiiuu, t-io mo best oi your
nowieuge and b-behef. or do vou
not?" '
"You can bet I will," softly an
swered the light-hearted Nancv.
The judge then tsok the hands of
the happy couple,and joining them,
wound up as follows:
"It now remains for this here
court to pronounce you, J-Joe Bow
ers, and y-you Nancy llarkins,man
and wife; and (here the judge paus
ed to wipe the perspiration from
his face) may G-O-God Or mity
have mercy on y-y-your s-s-souls!
Sheriff, remove the culprit!"
ihe company roared. Joe and
Nancy weakened. The sheriff was
aken with a leaving. The judge
limself was lost m a glass of apple
acic. it was the greatest wedding
ever witnessed.
A Funny Dog Story.
When the war in Italy com
menced, the Zouaves embarked for
Genoa; but as they were going on
board the ship, they saw a formal
order forbidding the entrance of
all dogs upon the vessel. As they
were very much attached to their
dogs, they were stricken with grief.
It was not easy to deceive the sharp
lookout kept by the mtendent, for
every soldier passed along the nar
row gangway, one by ono, as their
names were called. Necessity is
the mother of invention. The
drummers unscrewed their drums,
and the best dogs of the regiment
wete concealed in the drums,which
were screwed up agaiu. When
regiments embark no music is
played, but on this occasion the
Colonel determined there should
be music. lie ordered the trum
pets and drums, to take the head of
the column, and to play a lively
tune. The situation of the drum
mersevery one of whom had a
dog in his drum may be conceiv
ed! The trumpets sounded, the
drums were silent. The Colonel
got angry, and bawled to know
why the drum9 did not beat. There
was but one thing to do and that
was to beat. The moment the
drums began to beat innumerable
dogs began to bowl and to bay, to
the astonishment of every one but
the Zouaves. Every body looked
right, lelt, backward and forward,
but no sign of a dog anywhere ;
and yet, the more the drummers
beat, the more the dogs howled.
At last a spaniel fell out of a drum,
rolled over and over on the ground,
took to his heels howling louder
than ever. Roars of laughter
greeted this explanation of the
mysterious howls. The intendents
ordered the drummers to advance
on board, one by one, and to roll
the drum as they came. II a bar
king was heard, the drum was un
screwed, and the dog put ashore.
Only one dog got on board ; this
was Touton, who kept quiet thro'
all the rolling. It need not be said
that the Third Zouaves adore Tou
ton. He made his entree into Pa
ris at their head.
[From the Cincinnati
.lIow long the winter lasts, mother,
J I wish the spring would come,
Twunt to see the flowers bloom
.1 Around our cottage home,
lye tried to bear this pain, mother,
V To siifler and be strong:
But all in vain I feel It now,
. 1 cuunot stay hero long.
h that 1 coxM ,lvei mother,
Till spring time's sunny hours,
4 wish that I might pass away
j Amid tho wildwood flower. .
for now the snow Is on the ground.
1 he cold winds wildly moan,
The very light looks sad to mo
That warms the hearth of home.
ll gaze out on the leafless trees,
f l watch their branches wave;
d like to see them bloom before
They lay me in the grave.
I- long to see the meadows green,
And buds begin to swell,
sometimes think the warm bright day
vould cheer and make me well.
But I'll not murmur now. mother,
$ I know these thoughts are vain,
rll never see the waving corn
'Or hill tops green agnfu.
T 8l"i" ffl,ze on brighter scenes
tt hen they lay me down to rest,
For I shall view unbliiided then
5 The mansions of the blest.
CLAIR CLYDE. Miscellany.
Directions for Husbands.
If your wife loves vou. vou near!
reau no larther, lor these directions
nra if i - ,1 . ,1 f t -
j . . . . . . '
uuv juiciuicu iur you., x OU
need no directions. You can epr.
drunk as often as you please. b
guilty of robbery, assassination,
battle, murder, sudden death and
pnvyiconspiracy, and make your
wife believe, by means of a sinirlfl
kiss, that you are one of the safnts
ot th6 earth., -?
For those husbands who onlv aD-
parently, not really, have mastered
the hearts of their wives, we lav
down the following directions:
It on your weddinr niffht von
failed to get drunk and bieak all
our mother-in-law's crockerv. An
something equally outrageous as.
soon as possible. Y'ou will then
alwa.Y8.be able to scare vour wife
into submission by reminding her
of what you have done, and what
you lnay be provoked to do again.
H your wile is fond of entertain
ing, and you are not, wait till her
fashionable friends are assembled
at the house, and then walk into
the parlor with nothing on but
your shirt and stockings. It will
doubtless have the effect of making
the company fly the room.
H you are fond of smoking a pipe
and your wife complains of your
breath on account of it. eat onions:
it will make her forget the pipe.
ii you have a- baby, groan as if
your last hour had come, whenever
it begins squaling at night. You
will not then be called upon to
walk it.
As sick rooms are not pleasant.
always have business that will keep
you down town the whole day, and
nan the night, when your wife is
When you get home at four o'
clock in the morning, after having
ost a month's earnings "fightina
thet.ger,"or playing a "game of
draw" with your Iriends, tell your
wile your business is zettinff so
arge that the labor of carrying it
on is breaking down your constitu
tion, and you must take in a part
ner; but when she mentions a new
dress, shake your head and talk
bout economy and hard times.
If your wife is very religious and
fond of entertaining ministers, take
advantage ot the hrst opportunity
to insult one of these gentlemen in
your own house. It can be done
with perfect impunity, and will de
ter others from calling during the
meal hours, or any other time.
It your circumstances are such
fliat you find it necessary to prac
tice economy, begin with your ta
ble, and dine every day at a restau
There are certain little tinners
that must be done daily by one or
the other of every taarried couple.
mpress upon your wile that the
performance of these is very dis
tasteful to you and so force her to
attend to the whole of them her-
elf. Among these is the kindling
of the fire in the morning, if you
have no servant. Lie in bed and
et your wife do it. Also, wait for
her to pour out the water for you
to wash, brush your clothes, and
place your slippers by a chair be
fore the fire. When all is prepared
get out of bed and dress yourself,
taking care not to show, by word
or look, that you appreciate the
lttle attentions that have been
shown you. But if yon find that
any of them have been overlooked
be very cross and fretful during the
rest of the morning.
When you are asked to go out to
make an evening call, complain of
a very bad headache.
Make it a point never to praise
uiiy uisn on tne table, especially
the one to which you know your
wife has given her personal atten
tion, ouch a course will suppress
ft n lx.l-.'.. 1 . I ?
a. .j mining vanity inert mav be in
her nature.
When you are in a room togeth
er always occupy the mnsf. mm.
fortable seat, after having offered it
to ner in such a way that she can't,
inirli ihm t . '
ulv propriety, accept it.
Give her the choice of any dish
you are carving, after having re
peatedly informed her whatnarts
you yourself prefer.
Keep her in perfect ignorance as
to the condition of your business,
although she is as deenlv i nf prpst.
oumim. juuare, ana no injury
.can result to it by your telling her
all about it. By keepinr it to
, - A - . w
Art nfrkn. ... i
yourself you have the satisfaction
oi leehng that you are superior to
iier because you know vhnt. elm
does not.
If from any cause vou nrn dn.
tained at home, and find (he time
eavyon your hands, it ma v ha that.
your wife is interested in a nnvpl
that she is about half through'with.
Take it from her as if you wished
merely to glance at it; sit down and
read it by the hour. She, in the
meantime, may amuse herself with
If you do not keep a carriar.
aim your wne tens you that she
J . . .. . o -J
and the children need an airi
tell her to wait for the death of Ollfi
ot her Iriends, when she may ride
to the iuneral free of cost.
it any ot your wife's relatives
come to stay at the house, let tha
high price of provisions be the solo
topic Ot conversation in their lie-nr-
ing; but borrow all the monev vou
can from your father-in-law. and if
ie Keeps a carriage never dream of
i - .
getting one yourself.
When you wish to make vour
wife a present, buv KomfH.inr ...-it
is absolutely necessary about 4 the
louse, ana never let slip an oppor
:unity of making her thank vou
for it.
Whenever you are sick enough
to lay up at home, exaggerate vour
symptoms, and make your wife be
lieve you are going to die. If she
las any heart at all. she will nurse
you better for it.
Once after Sheridan had lost. nt.
play all the money he had last bar
rowed, and was passing out into
lie street, feeling in a veiy bad hu
mor, he saw a poor fellow stooping
down to tie his shoe. So xehnt.
liould he do but kick tho man ov
er on his face, with tho remark,
U n you, you are always tvinc
your shoes!1' When a man is in a
bad humor, it is a great relief to
him to find some object on which
he can vent his wrath without run
ning any personal risk. A married
man will always find such an object
in his amiable wife. Whenever
you feel worried about anything.
abuse your wife: it will be a great
relief to you. And when she an
pears before company with eyes red
from weeping, assume the most af
fectionate manner, and chide her
for going out shopping on such a
raw, windy day.
There! we are certain we shall
have the heartfelt thanks of all
wives that chance to peruse the
above (which, however, is intended
solely for their husbands), and that
is the only boon we crave. Next
Sunday we shall probably take up
cudgels in behalf of husbands, by
laying down directions for wives;
and follow them with rules by
which children may regulate their
conduct toward their parents.
Salt Lake City balls are opened
with prayer.
What is nothing? A
stocking without a leg.
Nearly six hundred thousand
children in Indiana go to school.
The Naples Rothschild has re
tired from business with a fortune
of 40,000,000.
The London Telegraph has the
largest circulation of any daily
newspaper in the world 155,000.
A Chicago young lady of four
teen eloped with a young man of
twenty-two, was married three
weeks and then got a divorce.
The distillery at Waverly sus
pended operations ia January.
cma square, ten lines, SI OO
Each additional insertion 40
Canla, per year, ten lines, .. ft OO
A oticcs of Executors. Admhilstra-
tors and Guardians, 2 fH
Attachment notices before J. P ii W
Local notices, per line, : .' J O
Yearly advertismenU will b charged
rtZ EtJ 1coIun'n ad porportionata
Sn " COlumu' ayabl ,B
Paying for a Homestead.
Several years ago there rPsifW
m fisherman.whose surname
was Peter. He had a viva
family, and had purchased a house,
giving, as part payment, a mnrt.
age on tho buildinc Ti iriA nnEsprl
off and he cot in airon.. nn.i
mortgagee threatened to foreclose,
fins was a severe blow to Peter, as
he knew not where to go, or how
to relieve himself. In his trouble,
he applied to a well known finan
cier in town, who listened to his
story, blamed him for his negli
gence, gave him some good advice,
and concluded by saying that he
would help him out of the difficul
ty, and nut him in the way of pay
ing for his house, if he woulr? no).
emnly agree to follow out his in
structions, and if he deviated in
the least, ho would have nothing
further to do with him. Peter nu
sented to this and received the
money to pay up the mortgage,
amounting to S500. "Now" ;,i
his benelactor, "I want you to own
that house as soon as possible, and
to do so you must give me your
note, and upon your return from
every trip of fishing, I want you to
come immediately to my house and
tell mo how much you have earned,
and how much you can afford to
pay towards the house, without dis
tressing yourself and family. I
ihall'walch you, and if you fail to
come even once, then you will lose
your house." Peter promised, and
went his way. A fortnight passed,
and ono morning Peter knocked at
tho door of his patron.
"Walk in," was the response.
now much did you make this
"Forty dollars, sir."
"How much can you pay toward
tho house?"
"Thirty, sir."
The amount Was duly indorsed
on tho note, and Peter again. left.
At the return from every trip he
never failed to report himself, al
though sometimes he could not pay
but one dollar, yet he was always
kindly received and encouraged.
At the expiration of two years he
made his last payment, interest and
principal, and received a clear ti
tle to his house, which is owned
and occupied by his family to this
day, who would have been poorly
off indeed had he not left them at
his decease a place of shelter.
There is a moral to this sketch,
which is, that those desirous of
owning property must make a be
ginning and add to the amount
from their earnings, even if the
same are sometimes small. They
all help to swell the aggregate and
teach lessons ot economy, which,
in themselves, are more valuable
than tho money saved. Young
men, save a portion of your earn
ings, and invest them where they
will bo safe, instead of spending
them foolishly, as is too often the
case in these days.
Jefferson's Idea of Medicine.
Jefferson had no confidence in
Materia Medica. While a resident
in Paris his daughter was seized
with typhus fever, and an eminent
physician was sent for. He came,
examined the patient, gave direc
tions about nursing, and departed
without giving or leaving any med
icine. Tho same course was pur
sued on the second and third days,
when Mr. Jefferson said:
"Doctor, you don't appear to be
doing anything for my daughter?
What is the reason?"
"The reason is, I want her to get
well. I had supposed you knew
what my system of practice was."-
"No; what is it?''
"To have the most careful nurs
ing, have the disease wear itself
out, and let nature do the rest;
never give any medicine."
The result was, the daughter re
covered with an uninjured consti
tution, and for thirty years Jefler
son followed the system of the
French physician.
"No piece for the wicked," said 4
bad boy's mother, when he asked
for mince pie.
1 . .a. . 1
The Cleveland Leader proposes
to guarantee 50,000 majority for
equal suffrage in Ohio.
The colored members were in
their seat3 at the opening of the
Massachusetts legislature.
A California letter says a fall
6even hundred feet higher than the
famous Yo Semite has le:n dis
covered. The Yo Semite ia thir
teen hundred feet high.
Jos Bowers, immortal in song, it
will be seen, is married at last.

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