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The Vinton record. (M'arthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1866-1891, September 19, 1867, Image 1

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Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn85038222/1867-09-19/ed-1/seq-1/

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' 'Oldest Paper in the County,
rapeh rnoiiiNsosr.
m6 floor Ebof the Court House.
. ' TERMS $2 OO per year, Inva
riably in advance. '
J. J. McDowell.
ENT, will praotioe In Vinton ard ad
joining counties. Also, Deprly Collector
of InWrnal Revenue. Office, in the Vinten
Co. Sank. - . - JnSi . .
llomer C. Jones,
OHIO, will attend promplly to all bo
' Inem jntrnited to hie cere. ' .
'Otfoe over T. B. Davie' Store, Main
treet, MoArvhur, Ohio. Jan24
GENERAL Commission Merchants, 4
MerwlD St., Cleveland, ;Ohio t
. KmntHnn TCvurptr. .Wedrtpll A
' Oo.,Itankr Porter, riatt; Do Wolf
iour ueaiers. - : myzjy
-.joaira ABnir -" ' -"inr wakx.
McArthur, Vinton Co, Ohio.
"Will attend promptly to all business
entrusted to their care.
Attorneys at Law,
mcaktiiur, onio,
riLL (five prompt attention to all lopal
business entrusted to their care in
Vinton and adjoining counties. may2
Back Pay, Bounty and
', Pensions
WILL be oolloctod promptly by ED
. All soldieri, who are by law, entitled
to Back Pay, Bounty and Ponions, and
wid ws, fathers, mothers, toothers, and
Kiel ere of deceased soldiers' claims will
be promptly at ended to. . jny3lf
Manufacturer and Dealer in
Boots, Shoes, Gaiters, &c.,&c.
3Repilr1ng done 'nnatly. Next door
to tuo l'ost nmce, aioArtnur, unto,
auf. 89, 13f.7.
Made of Best Leather,
At Lowctit Prices!
Wiiln street. Mo Arthur, ().
Manufacturer aud donlor in
Raddles, Bridles, Harness,
Whips, etc.,
North sldo Main ttreot,
aug22y MoAitlur.Oblo.
Manufacturer of
Opposite Conrt House, McAi tliur, 0.
' W Repalrlntf, Puinting. and Trim
ming done neatly and promptly, and all
yyoak warcanttd to give patiafVuion.-
JAMES BOCLOEIt & CO., dealers in
Foreign and Dnmostio Liq iunt, Uro
cerlo8,Alo and 1'orter, Water at., near
Paint, Cbillicotle, Ohio. ang2jy
Clarke & Hogg,
10 and 11 Water at.,
aug22y CriILLlCOTHE, O.
Claypool & Mackey,
' . , No. 22 Puint street,
. aug22y :IILLIC0TI1E, 0.
Attorxey at law,
ING Counties.. All business ciitrust
cd to his care promptly attonded to and
remittances iu all cases made without de
lay. Sopt. 6, 186T.-1
American House,
Main etroet, het. Paint and Walnut,
Chillicothe, 0.
t9Good fare and reasonable terms.
Expreis to and from all trains. au22mG
ir LEWIS Si co. . nf nriT.T.trnTiiT?
IVle O., keep constantly on hand a
large and complete assortment of Build-
, TT 1 n in . . . ....
wra uaruwarr, oauuiers anil coacn naril
ware, Wagon-maker's Mstoriu), Hubs,
fipokes, Folloofl and Bolts, Iron and Steel
f every size, Glass. Sash, &o., &o
We can make It nrnfltnhla fnr m, r.r.
lies who wish to purchase Goods iu our
line, o give ns a ca:i.
aug22y rhilliPMthn. O.
. v . . AND .
Cracker Manufactory.
business at too old stand of G. Sostnan,
on Water Street, betweea Paint aud Wal
nut, Chillicothe, ' Ohio. Always on band,
i, wooiesais or rei an,
, . . Crackers &c.
Also a good stook of Family Groceries,
Everything warranted to be as represented
uj. 29,I3o7.-m.
D. DUNCAN, - . Proprietor.
X repaired and arranged is dow Id sno
ceselul operation . Its location is conven
ient to business and to the Railroad De
pot, which makea it a desirable stopping
place foi all visiting Zaleskl. . ,
Sep. 6, 1887.-yl.
Tmtoii County Bank,
f ys McArthiir, Ohio.
. " stockholders:
josepii j. Mcdowell, rn't.
' r - JAMES W. DELAY, Cash.
IT. 8. Bundv, E. D. Dodge, A. Wolf,
H.'F.AtrsTW, D. V. Kaknels,
F. Stbono, k ' A. A. Austin.
Bank of Discount and Deposit,
ilt buy and sell Government Se
outltiesi Bonds, fcc.
Collections made at the twnarrates.
' ' ' , i ; i ' t Z '.i - : : - -
VOL. 18..
SEPT. 19, 1867
For Governor GEN, It. B. HAYS.
LleuteLantGovcrno'r-GENT J. C. LEE.
Supreme Judge JOHN WELCH.
Auditor of State COL. JAS. HODMAN.
Trets. of State SIDNEY 8. WAKNEB.
Attorney General-WM. H. WE8T. .
Comp.ofTreasnry MOSES R. BRAI1.Y.
B'd of Public Woiks-rillLlP IIERZIG.
The ConstituUonal Aiuendraont YES.
" -
Common Pleas Jndg,W. W. JOHNSON.
For Ropresentative HON. JOHN FEE.
Comroissioner-BENJAMIN HAWK.
lion. Jame3 Tripp and Capt
Jones will speak at New Ply
mouth, Thursday, Sept. 19, at
2 o'clock P. M., and at Zaleski
in the evening.
Capt. Wm. Mark and 0. 0.
French will speak at Eagle Fur
nace, Thursday , evening, Sep
tember 19th.
Col. Gage and Capt. Jones
will speak at Vinton Furnace,
Friday evening, September 20.
Capt. Wm. Mark and R. M.
Potter will speak at Raysville,
liarrison Tp., Friday evening,
Gen. Chas. II.Grosevuor and
Capt. Jones will speak at Cin
cinnati Furnace, Saturday eve
ning, September 21st.
It. M. Potter and Capt. Wm.
Mark will speak at Eagle Mills,
Saturday evening, September
By order of the
Tlio Union Iti'publicnii party ol
Ohio, in Convention ussumblcd de
clare, 1st. Tlmtone of thepreat lessons of
the wur la that the American people
lire a nation unil not a Confederacy uf
sovereign anil independent States.
2d. Hint our existence ns a nation U
based on the great principles an
nounced in the Declaration of Inde
pendence, and vindicated by the pro
clamation of emancipation, the consti
tutional amendment abolish injr slave
ry, nnd the spirit of republican Dem
ocracy and justice, which underlies
the reeoiistrution policy of the 311th
and iflth Conjrrcsnes, which 'we here
by fully indorse, and which we de
mand shall be carried into complete
effect by every needful act of uudition
tl lejji.slatiou.
yd. That while we will always cher
ish and defend the American system
of local and municipal self-povern-monts
for local purposes, aud a na
tional government tor national pur
poses, and while we arc unalterably
opposed to all attempts at centraliza
tion or consolidation of power any
where, we hold that liberty and hu
man rights constitute our great na
tional ooon, which local or State or
ganizations must not be allowed to
abridge or take awny.
4th That imbued with the spirit of
true Democracy, and "believing that
the powers necessary for the purpose
of attaining the ends of government,
ought not to bo restricted to a
priv ileged class, but should be vested
In die whole people, without uniust
or odious distinction!), or qualilica
tions not equally attainable by nil;
and further uelievlng that these sen
timents arc in strict accordance with
the spirit and tendency of modern
civilization, we place ourselves on the
simple and broad platform of impar
tial manhood 3ull'ruge, as embodied In
the proposed amendment to the State
Constitution, appaling to and abid
ing in the Inteligenee, justice and
patrotism of the people of Ohio to ap
prove it at tne Daiiot box.
5th. The American people owe a
debt of gratitude to the brave soldiers
and sailors who in the late struggle
for our national exsisteneb; to nobly
fought for our liberties, and for the
privations, sufferings, and sacrllices,
which they endured. The loyal men
of Ohio hereby pledge to them and
to the widows and orphans ot those
who fell In defense of the nation, our
sympathies and substantia! support.
6th. That we approve and endorse
the military administration ot our dis
tinguished fullow-citizen, Mnjor-Geu.
Phil. II. Sheridan, in Louisiana and
Texas, and pledge him and the mili
tary commanders in the several mili
tary districts of the South, the cordial
snpport of the Union men of Ohio in
their efforts to protect the loyal peo
ple of the late rebel States, aud to se
cure the organization of loyal and
constitutional governments iu said
7th. That we tully endorse and ap
prove of tho administration uf our
present Governor, J. D. Cox, and ex
tend to him our hearty thanks for the
faithful and able inanr.er iu which he
has discharged his olllcial duties and
sustained the credit and honor of our
noble State.
All elderly lady, who was
handling a pair of artificial
plates in a dental office, aud
admiring the fluency with
which the dentist described
them, asked: "Can .an' body
eat with these things !" "My
dear madam, mastication can
be performed with a facili
ty: scarcely equaled by nature
herself," responded the dentist.
"Yea, I know, but can any body
efit with them?"
What rpf covers' the most
noisy tenants? The loof of the
Let It Alone.
Though the bowl and the bumper
With spirit be Hied. ( .',
Though the nectar, like Jove'e
Be ambrovia' distilled !
Though wit, song, and laughter,
. J .end joye of their own
Take counsol from caution
. ' And lot them alone;.'
Let thenl alone '
Take counsel from caution .
And let them alone 1
.'If a frleiiJ have acheroe
That be shows, very clear, -: -
Will bring yon two thousand,
Or u ward, a year;
Though It seem like a fortune
To other hand, thrown,
Take counsol Irons caution
And let it alone ;
Let it alone,
- Take eon nsel from caution '
, And let it alone!
The fountain of fortune
But slenderly flows;
Wealth , got in a moment,
As suddenly goes I
And wine's gidJy laughtor J
euaily shown);
Brines sorrow hereafter
So lot it alone J
Le', it alone,
Bring vcrrow hereafter,
So let it alone I
BY CHARLES SWAIN. Sun Telegraphy--An incident
of the Rebellion.
Noticing a few days since in
the obituary column of a
Southern paper, the following
announcement, relieves ;ne
from an obligation I volunta
rily entered into some months
befoie the close of the late
"Died, at ,on the 18th
inst., J M , aged 44
years. The deceased was long
and favorably known as a
steamboat pilot, and through
out tho rebellion a firm friend
of the Southern cause, for
which he made many sacrifi
ces and rendered valuable ser
vices." The promise I gave M. was
that I would not divulge what
he then (old me, but his death
relieving me from that prom
ise, I now offer it to the public
through your columns.
It will be remembered that
.among the many reasons'which
operated to prevent the tall of
Vicksburg, Miss., when it was
first attacked by Sherman, and
afterward so laboriously be
sieged by General Grant, was
the certainty of the informa
tion the enemy seemed to pos
sess of every movement set on
foot for that purpose. Not
withstanding every precaution
was taken to prevent spies
from obtaining and transmit
ting iniormation, notwithstand
ing the river was closely
watched to pevent the least
message from being floated
down to Vicksburg neverthe
less information, and that, too,
of the most postive nature,
daily reached the enemy, to
the great annoyance of the of
ficers and men who were
slowly wearing their lives
away under an almost tropical
sun but aleo to the modifica
tion of the commanding Gen
eral. It is my object, briefly, to
show how that information
was transmitted. M. was at
that time an impressed pilot in
the service of the Union army,
having in charge one of the
transports lying below Young's
Point, on the west side of the
Mississippi. Uis plan for ad
vising the enemy inside of the
garrison of Vicksburg of what
was taking place, or contem
plated in the Union army, was
simple and effectual so sim
ple that it easily evaded all at
tempts at detection. During
three or iour hours of each
day, M., after gathering from
the officers at headquaters all
the information he desired for
officers icoald talk would re
pair to a farm-house down on
the point, and with a large
mirror, which "he had previ
ously taken from the cabin of
a steamer, amuse himself by
throwing the sun's reflection
up and down the river, occa
sionally darting the contracted
rays of a May or June sun into
the eyes ot some gull or loon
quietly floating on the water,
caasing it to dive down or fly
up with a - half-frightened
shriek, and then turning it full
upon the enemy's works along
the Vicksburg levee. No one
thought of suspicion no one
asked him what he was doing
for the employment was so
simple and apparently abstrac
ted that none thought for a
moment of attributing, any
other motive to it than of mere
idle pastime.
But this was bis eecret, prcf-
viously' agreed upon- between
himself and General Pember
to'n.' Vicksburg is mainly vpon
a high blufl; the lower part of
the city during certain rhours
of the day being entiuelj in
the shade. Commencing' at
the upper end of the oity and
within easy view, Mb had selec
ted thirteen bouses along -the
levee, and- thirteen others
behind- and' above. these. ). To
each one of these houses a
letter of the-' alphabet hvas
given. From the wirjdov.
the farm-house lie threw f the
reflection first upon one house
and then upon another, an 'offi
cer of Pemberton's staff, in' the
secret, at the tame time stand
ing on the levee with his tjack
to M., and yet reading .eVy
word easily and rapidly. And
he not only gave information
of what was transpiring in the
Union camp at Young's Point,
but also gathered from North
ern newspapers important
news relative to the move
ments of armies elsewhere,
sending it across the river in
the same manner.
This plan was kept up until
a short lime before Gen. Grant
made arrangements for going
below Vicksburg, crossing at
Grand Gulf, and coming up in
the rear. Just before that
event, M. was ordered to
another point, and eubse
quently the enemy had no
light upon the subject of that
last move which finally result
ed in the capture of that
stronghold of the Confederacy.
These facts I obtained from
M. himself, while afterward an
officer on board of one of the
transports with him, and I
have every reason to believe,
from experiments made at the
same place, that it was "a
plain unvarnished tale" he
Albany Evening
A Second Evangeline.
On a steamer which recently
passed up to Montana was a
girl scarce eighteen, who goes
to the distant land of Gold to
meet hr affianced. Four
years ago she met and loved a
young student in a German
University. Their trysting
place might not have been at
"Bjngen on the Rhine," but
'twas at just as romantic a
spot not maay leagues distant,
ller attachment was recipro
cated, and troth was plighted.
Three years since the "bride
groom" came to America, and
sought his fortune in Montana,
shortly securing a. lucrative
position as superintendant of a
successful mining company.
A few weeks ago a brief mes
sage darted across two conti
nents, and three thousand miles
of ocean in a day, and found
this beautiful, unsophisticated
girl surrounded by all the en
dearments of a home of wealth
and refinement. It told her
that near the far off shores of
the Pacific some one awaited
her coming. A few days later
and she was rocking on the
waves of the broad Atlantic,
and later still she disembarked
iu a strange land, the language
and customs of -whose people
were new to her. She is now
slowly and happily ascending
the Missouri, confident that her
"bridegroom" is expecting her,
having traveled alone from the
banks of the Baltic to meet
him. Suppose he should have
died, during her journeyl What
Wistern Paper.
There once lived on the
banks of the Beaver river a
man by the name ot Smith who
took it into his head to raise
ducks. Unfortunate tor him
ducks would go into the riv
er and swim off. He got tired
of losing his ducks; So one
morning he and his son Jake
got a boat and went on the riv
er to capture all of them
which they did, except one
old drake who baffled all their
attempts to capture him. The
old man was not noted for his
patience, so he told Jake to
take one of the paddles and
when the boat got near enongh
to kill the drake; and, he con
tinued, "Now Jake, be sure
and strike the fatal blow."
When the boat got within
reach of the , drake Jake
brought the paddle down with
all his might, and the old man
jumped up, exclaiming, ''Jakey
did you strike the fatal blow fy
"Yes, daddy, I struck the fatal
blow, but I missed the drake.
"Are you the mter?" ask
ed a man of an Irish cook of a
Bhip. ; '
- "So," said he, "but I'm the
man that boils the mate."
" 7 '' ''
' The Investigator very truly
Bays, the great want of this age
is men.-' Men who are honest,
sound from centre to circum
ference, true to the heart's core.
Men who will' condemn wrong
in4 friend or foe; in themselves
as well as in others. Men
whose conciences are as steady
as the needle to the pole. Men
who will stand for the right if
the heavens totter, and the
earth reels. Men wfio can tell
the truth and look the - devil
right.Jn the eye. Men" tha'f
neither brag fior-run.- Men
that neither flag nor flinch.
Men who have courage with
out whistling for it, and joy
without shouting for it. Men
in whom the current of ever
lastiag life runs still, deep and
strong. Men too large for sec
tarian limits and too strong
for sectarian bands. Men who
do not strive, or cause their
voices to be heard in the
stree, but who will not fail
nor be diacourag d, till judg
ment be sent on earth. Men
who know their message and
tell it. Men who know their
duty and do it. Men who know
their place and fill it. Men
who mind their own business.
Men who will not lie. Men
who arts not too lazy to work
nor too proud to be poor.
Men who are willing to eat
what they have earned, and
wear what they have paid for.
Hard on a Democratic Editor.
A correspondent of the
Highland News, for Mhose re
sponr.ibil ty the editor vouches,
charges that Mr. Pike, Editor
of the Uillsborough Gazette,
who is "continually railing
against Negro Equality, has on
different occasions since his
residence in Hillsborough,
made indecent proposals to
negro wenches on the street,
which thoy indignantly reject
ed." And, that "as recently as
last.Monday night he was seen
in close confab witli one of
these duskv nymphs, endeav
oring to make arrangements
for a private interview at the
f air Grounds." It that is true,
we think that the Gazette had
better cease its clatter about
"mongrels," and the mongret
Patronize your own coun
ty paper, for it gives you more
news of interest than any ior-
eign paper you can take. It is
the medium through which
your county in all her interests
is defended, and by its silent,
though constant voice, your
lands, your products, your
stock, your mineral wealth,
your educational interests, in
fact your all is made more
valuable to you and yours. A
stranger will discover in a
short time while visiting a
lauiily, whether they take their
county paper or not. Their
very language and intelligent
reference to the occurrences of
the day will impress him with
Athens Messenger.
A well known editor of
New Jersey, 'about to start for
Long Branch, requested his
wife to put in his satchel what
articles was necessary for an
absence of two or three days.
He lodged at Freehold, and in
the morning he , opened the
satchel to take out some clean
linen, when he found it to con
tain only a bottle of whisky
and a bundle of old newspa
pers. That editor's wife evi
dently understood his "travel
ing necessities."
Vallandigham is disgusted
with the word "Loyal," and
Baid in his Middleton speech
that he hoped to live to see the
day when the word would be
come odious to the. Democrat
ic ears, by turning to Webster's
definition of the word, which
is: "Devoted to the mainte
nance, of law: disposed to Tip
hold the Constitutional author
ity; faithful to the lawful gov.
ernment, whether pp.renftal
Col. Jour.
Several enthusiastic Demo
crats ofler to bet heavily that
Wilkes Boot.a. -;s not dead.
Well, the Go vernment of the
United tats offers a standing
bet of. 100,000 that he is; and
whoever will deliver him alive
9'x Washington City will receive
a treasury aralt lor that sum.
Col. Jour.----Columbus Journal.
The character of the com
pany President Johnson effects
at present may be inferred
from the fact that Binckley,
Stedman and Jerry Black were
in consultation with him' on
The Chicago ' Times thus
compliments one of the great
soldiers of the age:
The country has had enough,
and more than enough, of Phil
If p H. Slieridan's impudence.
If the President respects him
self and the office he holds, he
Will straightway kick" the inso
lent, drunkftn upstart out of
the office of district command
er. :
'Thi9 is how a Democratic
paper tn Michigan -pays its rer
spects to General Sickles:
Dan. Sickles, the one-legged
cuss of a murderer, "Dictator
of the Second District,", drives
about Charleston. wif h, a coach
and four, and with the bearing
of a European despot. "Put a
beggar on horseback," is an
old adage, "and he will ride to
the devil." So it is with the mis
erable whelp, but it is a pity he
would not drive his party, in
stead of his country, there also
The New York Day Book,
the great expounder of the De
mocracy, furnishes us with two
specimen bricks:
General, alias "Dan." Sick
les, is reported as saying that
no man dare question the au
thority on which he acts. We
think that -if we were one of
his victims, we should be very
apt to pop him a question
which he would be a good
while in answering.- Young
Surratt seems to have the
whole of the mongrol Congress,
all the mongrel newspapers
and a considerable portion of
the thieves and jail-birds about
Washington, engaged in a"con
spiracy" to hang him. It seems
to be a popular idea with the
mongrel party, that it is neces
sary to hang the son to justify
the murder of the mother.
Of Howard, the christian
soldier, the same paper says:
That old beast, 0. 0. How
ard, of the nigger bureau, has
appointed a Northern nigger
to be inspector of education
down South. Is there any
depth of infamy that a mongrel
will not reach ?
We confess we are sickened
at the following filthy extract
from tho Old Guard, the only
Democratic monthly iu the
United States. :
But history is full of this
proof of hereditary character.
This country has, alas 1 a pain
ful example in the late Mr. Lin
coln, who illustrated in his life
the traits of his unhappy fath
er, Inlaw, and his more un
happy mother, Betsy llanlcs.
And now, after his reign, we
are threatened with a univer
sal amalgamation of the num
erous political breed of Line, In
with negroes. Alas! poor
country! It would seem cruel,
but it would be a blessing to
our country to serve all the
fruits of such intercourse as
dog-fanciers to a bad breed of
When the great work of the
late war, by the aid of the
Democratic party, is undone,
then, the old guard says:
Democracy will resume its
glorious march, and the
"dreams of the secessionists"
become the living realities of
the future. Instead of dyinH
in vain, the names of Sidney
Johnson, Stonewall Jack.son,
and their heroic compatriots,
will be immortal forever, lor
however masked or misunder
stood, they were true champi
ons of American Democracy,
and the martyrs 'of American
civilization that grand civil
ization w'uirjfl, based on the
natural uisVinctions of race, is
destined to spread over the
whole boundless continent,
ani regenerate Christendom.
The Davton Empire has
fo'ond a still prettier name for
'General Sheridan. It calls him
a "mercurial little cock- spar
row." 'Among tho choice express
ions with which the Democrat
ic press of Ohio was embellish
ed during the war, we find the
This is a damnable Abolition
war. We believe old Abe Lin
coln is as much of a traitor as
Jeff. Davis. Ashland Union.
The North is in direct rebel
lion against the Constitution
and laws of the United States!
The South is contending- lor
rights guarranteed to them by
the Constitution,' but denied
them by the North, and to so
cure these rights they have re-
belled against Lincoln'-s Ad
Coshocton Democrat.
One qtiat;".- 1 OO
Each addit!t,nl ins "-tUrn, . . jh
Cards, pcryft.'r. :' :'V' 10 00
Yearly adverti.'cmeni 910O per
column, and at porportlon'.1'' for
less space-. Fayablt'ln adv.'ww
13T The Record beinjs; the on't ha
paper of tho town and oount and
having the largest circulation, of
ixiper in the county, offert tuperioj;
indiwemc;: to advertiserir. t i -
014 Gov.'Sturtevant, some
years after the British , took
possession of-New-YorkjrPr
peared before thei-Gowrrror,
(Cartaret) with a complaint
that he was annoyed by, men
and boys batbrng iri iitoki of
his house in a nude .. (State.-
Governor Cartaret assured him
it should be stopped; but hap.
pening to ? recollect, f said :
Why, . Governor, ydurt hobse
is at some distance front the
river, and-how can- it is com
mode the ladies of your iami
lyT . VyTyoase),? .satf'
peter shaking his canemine
galls have otaspy glas
1 .'I 1
'hi i s I I ,
There is nothing !4pur?J
than honesty, nothing .sweeter
than charity, nothing wanner
than love, nothing- richer than
wisdom, nothing brighter than
virtue, and nothing more stead
fast than faith. These ' united
in one mind foim the. purest,
the sweetest, the richest, the,
brightest, the most steadfast
happiness. . . .-
The Salisbury '(Md. j New
Era says : "The effect of the
President's recreancy is being
made apparent, even on , our
streets. The 'hurrah for Jeff
Davis!' again greets our eare,
and those that have for some
time smothered their antag
onism lor Republicanism axe
now growing defiant." '
The Mexicans are becoming
a temperato people. At abaJ,l
lately given in tne city of Du--rango,
one of the published
rules governing' the conduct
of the guests was that mo, liq,
uor should be brought into the
ball-room outside of the person
carrying it'
To Start a Balky Horsk.
The Ohio Farmer says: Fill
his mouth with dirt or gravel
from th6 road, and he'll go.
Now, the philosophy of no
thing is, it gives him some?
thing else to think about. We
have seen dirt tried a hundred,
times, and it has never failed.'.
"You are the handsoimst
lady I ever saw," said a gentle
man to one of the fair onesi .
"I wish, I could say aa much
for you," replied the lady. , . .,'
"You could, madam, if you, .
paid as little regard to truth as
I have."
A rural exhibitor says he
has enlarged his establish'
ment, arid now keeps a head of
oxen, a bed of hen, and sever
al head of cabbage, while he
is also trying to keep a head
of tho times.
"I do not wish to say ny
thing against the individual
in question." said a quiet old
man, "but I . would remark in.
the language of the poet, thatf
to him truth is stranger than
A Caledonian paper, in'ah.
obituary of a young lady, who
died lately, closed by saying:
"She had an amiable temper
and was uncommonly fond of
ice-cream and 'other delicti
cies." - '
Punch knows a gentle-,
man so guarded in his remarks)
lest, he should wound,, any?
body,s feelings, that. he will
not even use a personal pro
noun. A younji ladies . base-ball
club has been organized, ai
Niles, Michigan. We suppose
they are now open for engage
ments for a home-match. 'I "
i - j - y
"Why i? the rudder of
steamboat like a public hang
man?" He answered the queitj
tion thus: "Because it has a
stern duty to perform."
"Consider well before yon
take a glass of brandy and
water," says Mr. Prentice.- Tie
subject is a good deal "mixecL
"Thou rainestin tbis boaojjij
as a chap said when a basin of
water was thrown on him by
tho lady he was serenading.
What does a ' telerapb
operator do when he . receives
the heads of important newst
Waits for de-tails.
Jones' landlady .said it
would give.herpleaeore to ber
ry her boarders ' but the
couldn't afford if. '-i
. Rosa Bonheur denies the.
report that she has gone' mad,
and fancies herself a gbat. '- '
" ;-.;,v.r,Xv
t-A religions i paper r-jji-g
that "a Chnstoc'racy i8 w
mg. . , -,;-J

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